Chain Letters
by Lucy Samb
Summary: You/Darren Criss Fanfic, from "A Life With Darren Criss" series. Sometimes life can be hard and we have to overcome many obstacles. Sometimes you take bad decisions and you're weak to keep going; but you're never alone. We can find special people in our lives who will change it in the most unexpected way. Will you be able to trust a complete stranger? Your life with Darren Criss.
1. Chapter 1

_You feel alone and lost. You think that nothing can improve in your life, that it's too late. One day you wake up and you realize you've lost everything you had. Sometimes life can be very hard and we have to overcome many obstacles. Sometimes you take bad decisions in your life and you're very weak to keep going. But you're never alone. Sometimes we can find special people in our lives in the most unexpected way, people who will change your perspective about life. Will you be able to trust a complete stranger? Will you be able to find someone who makes you feel loved? Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

A/N: Thank you very much for all the reviews, it gave me the courage to keep writing knowing that you all enjoy this fanfiction. I'm really sorry it took me too long to update a new chapter, I had a writer's block. The intention of the following story is not only a story of how your life with Darren Criss would be. I tried to leave a message that I hope you all can grasp. Now, enjoy!

* * *

Chain Letters.

* * *

There you were, looking at your reflection in the mirror. The bathroom was dark and quiet, yet you could see your reflection in the mirror while listening to the sound of your tears dripping into the sink, tears that were cleaning the little blood that you had spilled. The pain in your wrist was intense, but you didn't do anything about it. Only you kept looking at the cut on your wrist while you dripped more tears. It wasn't the first time that you did it, you thought that it was a good way to escape of the deep pain and emptiness that you felt in your life; but you've never been brave enough to escape your life forever. You looked at yourself again in the mirror. Your face betrayed a deep anguish, and your eyes had an empty expression. You watched the reflection of a lost and confused person, of a person who was scared and that had lost all hope. You were seeing the reflection of the person you had become, a kind of person you never thought you could get to be.

"_**Daddy, do you think that someday I could get to be an actress?"**_

"_**Of course, look at yourself. So precious and creative"**_

"_**And daddy…? Do you think that I'm going to be as happy as my unicorn is?"**_

"_**You'll be even happier. I won't let anyone make you feel sad or anyone ruin your dreams. You're going to be the happiest girl in the world, because that's what you deserve"**_

You could remember that conversation with your father in the park, while swinging when you were just 8 years old. You would like to go back in time when you were a little girl, when nobody judged you for being who you were and the worst pain you could feel it was when you tripped and you cut the knee to have been running fast. You'd like to be again a little girl when your father was still in this world. Now the world was different, you had to pretend a person who you weren't to please to the others, you had to wear expensive and fashionable clothes so that nobody would look at you strangely and exclude you; now what mattered most was to be popular and recognized no longer care about the values of friendship, love and honesty. Now your social rank depended on the popularity and the money, not whether you were a humble, sincere and good person. The world had become a world full of selfishness, greed, discrimination and hypocrisy aside solidarity, humility, openness and inclusion. And you became one of those hypocrites in order to be included and to make friends, that very different from being true friendships were friendships based on self-interest; but that way you weren't alone. Your life wasn't what you had thought it would be.

_**"I'm sorry dad. I know I'm defrauding to you. I know this is not what you wanted for my life. But it's the only way that I don't feel alone. I wish you were here to guide me. I'm lost, dad."**_

Your voice echoed in the silent room while you cried. You got to think about the reasons that had been the cause that led you to make you cut your wrist. You were living in an expensive apartment that you couldn't pay because the money you had wasn't enough, what led you into debt. But you lived there alone because you knew that it was a fancy apartment, that your false friends enjoyed because it meant you had money and then you were included in society. Your closet was full of expensive clothes and shoes, high fashion that had produced more indebtedness; but that way people, when saw you walking down the street, smiled to you and they didn't ignore to you. You couldn't confront all your expenses and indebtedness because you worked in an office as secretary and the balance wans't good; reason why you had to find a second job as a waitress in a nightclub, a job which your false friends had no idea because you hid it, because it made you feel ashamed. And you lived alone because since the death of your father you had been distanced of your family. Your father was the real reason that kept the family together and now he was gone, each family member went their own way. You only saw each other when it was your father's birthday, when it was the Father's Day, or when it was the anniversary of his death in the cemetery. Definitively your life wasn't the one you wanted, your dreams of being an actress and to be happy were gone. Your life was full of lies, conflicts and unhappiness. Your wrist didn't stop bleeding and you were starting to feel weak. Quickly you looked for alcohol and a bandage to put in your wrist to stop the bleeding, to keep living your miserable life.

* * *

The next day you got up early as usual to go to work. You put on a long sleeves shirt to hide the scar cutting your wrist. Before leaving your apartment to go to work, you read a letter that has been sent to you. It was a notification saying it was the last notice to pay the debts before you are evicted. You left notification on the table before you go to work. It was a cold day in San Francisco and you decided to go to Starbucks to buy coffee and take it on the way to work, that was your routine. The work was far from your apartment but you liked walking, because it helped to clear your mind. As soon as you arrived to your work, Susan Connan, one of your co-workers, walked over to where you were to tell you that the boss wanted to talk to you. Intrigued, you went to the office where he worked. As soon as you came, your boss looked up to see you.

_**"Please, have a seat"**_Your boss said gently. You looked at him and slowly you sat in the chair opposite him. It was very weird that your boss called you.

_**"Thank you, Mr. Hastings. Mrs. Connan said you wanted to talk to me."**_You asked puzzled, frowning slightly.

_**"Exactly. Well miss, as you well know, we're doing some adjustments to the company because businesses aren't doing well."**_Your boss started to say slowly in professional terms. _**"And we've been observing your expedient and the reality is you're not as efficient as you used to be"**_

_**"What are you trying to tell me, Mr. Hastings?"**_You asked with fear, looking into his eyes.

_**"I'm sorry, but you're fired. You can pick up your things and leave now."**_Mr, Hastings replied seriously.

You looked at him intently and begged him to not do it, but it was too late. Evidently Mr. Hastings had made the decision and was forceful. You greeted Mr. Hastings with a gesture and left his office to go to your desk and pick up your personal stuff while you shed some tears. You left the building as quickly as you could, you noticed that millions of people were staring at you as if they had already known you were going to be fired. You left the building without saying goodbye to anyone, you didn't have mood of talking to anyone, much less to listen false cries because of your dismissal. You started to walk through the streets of San Francisco aimlessly, wondering what you would do now to move forward with the life you had been building over the last four years of your life. You had been fired without notice and now you weren't able to pay the debts you had. You sat on a bench in a park not far from where you used to work. You thought what you would do from now on. You needed to get a new job to not be evicted from you apartment. All your credit cards were canceled for the same debt and the only way to pay them was getting a new job. You went to your apartment to leave your personal stuffs so you can go get a job. When you arrived at your apartment, you saw how all your things were in boxes outside the building. Frightened, you went to talk to the janitor of the building.

_**"Mike, excuse me. But why are all my stuff out?"**_You asked to the janitor of the building, altered.

_**"I'm sorry ma'am. Here you have."**_Mike replied, giving you a note saying eviction order. _**"Sorry, Miss."**_

_**"Okay Mike, don't worry. Could you take care of my things until I get somewhere to live?"**_You asked, trying to control your despair and trying to hold back your tears.

_**"Don't worry, miss. I'll keep them until you get somewhere to live"**_

_**"Thank you, Mike"**_

You stayed standing helplessly. You had been evicted and now you had nowhere to live, you had no job and had no money to go anywhere. You thought that the best option would be to sell some of your old furniture that decorated your apartment and thus get some money to pay for a new apartment until you get a new job.

You spent that day selling all your expensive furniture and designer clothes. You only kept few things. The rest of the day you searched for a new place to live. It was very difficult, because the cost of rent had risen sharply in recent years. However, already near dusk, you found a small apartment on the outskirts of the city.

The apartment was a single room very small and dirty. It had a tiny kitchen and a bathroom; and dining room, living room and bedroom were the same room. The lighting was very bad and you could hear the noise of trucks and cars passing at full speed. It was a somewhat dangerous area, where many robberies and assaults happened, so you could hear the sirens of police cars all the time. But that was the only place you had been able to get because of your lack of money. You tried to accommodate your personal stuff in the new apartment. The only things you kept were a refrigerator, a table with a chair, your computer to work and a mattress. You had sold all the other furniture and clothes. You only had five sets of clothes and shoes to wear. You laid in the mattress thinking about all that happened to you on the day. You started to mourn inconsolably knowing that your life had deteriorated and you didn't know what you were going to do from now on. You thought it was time to end such pain and misery of your life. As you used to do in those moments of intense sadness and desolation, you went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, this time to end it all. You grabbed the knife and before you could do something, someone rang the bell of your apartment. You ignored it, but the person who was ringing the bell kept insisting. You quickly dried up the tears and left the knife to go open the door. A man dressed in blue with a hat and messenger bag was standing in front of your door with an envelope in his hand.

_**"You have to sign here, Miss"**_The postman said, giving you the envelope.

_**"No, sorry. The recipient must be the former owners of this department, I've moved here recently"**_The man looked at you and grabbed the envelope again to read it.

_**"Well, this doesn't say the recipient's name, just says the address to which must be delivered. So please sign here"**_The postman said giving you the envelope again.

_**"Sorry, but no one knows I'm living here. This letter isn't for me."**_

_**"Please, just sign and let me continue my work"**_The postman said a little annoyed.

_**"Fine, fine. I will."**_You also answered annoyed and signed it.

You closed the door and left the letter on the table, still upset. You poured a glass of water and sat in the chair, staring at the letter. In a way, that letter was the reason that had avoided doing something stupid, perhaps fate made you to get that letter for some reason. You frowned and grabbed the letter to stare it. You were about to open it, but you stopped.

_**"Oh, this is stupid! How can I believe that a letter has saved me? Why should I read it if I have no idea who sent it and is not even for me? Such an idiot I am!"**_

Your angry voice echoed in the room and you threw the letter down, then you went to lie in the mattress. You tried to sleep to get up early and get a job, but your mind kept thinking. You stopped staring at the ceiling to see the letter again. You were intrigued to read it, you wanted to know what it said and who was the person that had wrote it. You got up and sat back in your chair to open the envelope. The letter wasn't very long and was written by hand. After a long time watching it, you started to read the letter.

**"Dear addressee. You don't know me nor do I know who you are. This letter may be now in the hands of any person: an old man, a child, an adult, a teenager. It may be a person who is happy and enjoying his life, or may be in the hands of someone who thinks his life is a misery and is plunged into a deep depression. But anyway, I think this letter must be with the person who is reading, for some reason this letter reached you. I hope you continue reading this with due attention. It isn't an ordinary letter. I won't give bad news nor good news. It's simply a letter written to tell an important event that has happened in my life, and I promised to do this. Some time ago, I thought my life was meaningless. Throughout my life I've dreamed many things, but I've never been able to fulfill my dreams. I was very depressed and I did follow the bad ways of life because of depression. My life was based on scamming people and taking drugs and alcohol. In a way, I wanted to destroy my life slowly. I was lost on the road of life. I was planning a big robbery, that night I was going to do it if it weren't for a letter that came to me unexpectedly by a stranger, not even my name appeared as a recipient, but I got carried away by the temptation and I read the letter. It was a young girl who was telling a big event in her life and, like I'm doing, promised to tell the success of her life with other people out there having maybe the same problem as she or that, at least, it would serve other people to realize how this world we live in has changed and there are many people suffering. The letter from her has changed my point of view about life and so far I've gotten a job, I stopped stealing and taking drugs and alcohol to concentrate on fulfilling all those dreams that I had some time.**

**This letter has the best intentions. The meaning of all this is to show people they are not alone in this life and, if you put your mind, you can fulfill your dreams and give it a twist to life to start to enjoy it. Remember that around you will always be people who care about you and are willing to help you move forward. Focus on doing all those things you've always wanted to do but, for different circumstances in your life, you have not done. I know this sounds difficult, but not all is lost in life, you still have time to improve everything. An unknown person is telling you that you can do it, not give up and not lose your hope. You'll see how your life will begin to improve once you start doing those things you've always wanted to do. Be brave and take a chance. Nothing can go wrong if you keep trying. And every time you feel lost, remember that there's an unknown man who has told that you're not alone.**

**Please continue with this and send this letter to the first 3 addresses that you find in the directory. Tell your story; tell 'em all you've been through and everything you want to do. Maybe then we can help someone who really needs it.**

**Remember; make a change in your life. You'll see that you won't regret anything. I've done it, and I can say I'm a happy man.**

**It's time to say goodbye. Thank you very much for reading this letter. Now is your turn to tell your story.**

**Greetings, an unknown man."**

You finished reading the letter and you kept looking at the letter that had saved your life. That was just what you needed to recover your way back. A simple letter had made you realize that there are more people in your same situation, trying to find their way in life. A simple letter from a stranger made you think you were still in time to reverse your situation. A simple letter from a stranger gave you hope as your father used to do. Suddenly, the world no longer seemed so miserable. You grabbed the directory and searched the first 3 addresses you saw. Definitely you were going to continue this chain letter.

* * *

The loud noise of a truck made you wake up the next day. You got up in a good mood and full of energy to do all that you had set out to do. You prepared a big coffee and decided to answer the letter that person had sent you.

**"Your letter has saved my life, I arrived at the appropriate time and place and I'll never be able to thank you enough.**

**As well as your letter has helped me, I'll do the same to help people who might be in my same situation. This means a lot to me, I hope your life continues improving.**

**Greetings."**

That was all you could answer, your words weren't enough to express your gratitude.

Once you finished breakfast, you went to the mail to send the letter, and then you went to downtown San Francisco to start doing all the things proposed. A sense of hope, that you thought had disappeared, invaded your body. For the first time, after many years, you were smiling in happiness and you thought everything was going well. Suddenly, those streets of San Francisco, which before seemed to be gloomy streets where millions of people walking by your side lost in their own thoughts; were now full of life, joyful and full of quirky people. You've never seen San Francisco as beautiful as that day; it was a beautiful city you've never been able to appreciate.

You walked slowly for a long time, admiring that place where you lived; until finally you came to that place you always wanted to go but you'd never dared. You were in front of a building where you could take theater classes. This was the first step in fulfilling that dream you've always had since you were a little girl, of becoming an actress. You knew that it was most likely not get to be a famous actress, but that didn't matter. What really mattered was to feel the passion of being onstage, playing a role, leaving all of you on stage and giving the audience a moment of entertainment and reflection. The theater for you was the art of creating an imaginary world that pretends to be real, it was the art able to give people a new point of view, was the art of making people feel they were part of that world through laughter and tears. The theater made you feel that, even if everything in our life is dark and full of sadness, art and creativity were always going to be present giving beauty to our lives. Precisely this was what you were looking for, to feel again all that.

Finally you came in and talked to a receptionist who told you all the bases and conditions and the cost of classes. It was very expensive, but you were willing to get a job and do your best to take these classes, so you agreed. Next month would be your first day. You left the building pleased by the progress you've done. You were not going to let people judge you by your desire to do theater.

The next thing you did was try to get a job. You left Curriculum vitae in several law firms, because you had a law degree. Your mother forced you to study law as she did although you didn't like it. You considered that being a lawyer was something totally different to the creativity that characterized you. You were always interested in things that were related to art, it was a way of expression and to keep that child still living inside you. However, you'd studied law and received honors, so you had opportunities to work in a law firm, where the salary was high. You were willing to work there to get to do what you most passionate about. Once you went to several law firms, you returned to your new apartment to wait for a call and ready to write those three people, as you promised, a letter explaining your situation.

You sat at the table with a pen and three papers that would say exactly the same. You kept looking at the blank paper without knowing where to start, but once you started the words began to flow alone.

**"This is the story of a young unknown woman who was lost in her life until she received a letter from a stranger that changed her life. Sometimes people think that there's no hope, that life doesn't seem to make sense, that it's too late to do all those things you dreamed of but never did for different reasons in life. You feel so lost that you start taking bad decisions throughout your life, sometimes decisions that cannot be reversed like those scars that are marked on your skin as traces of an attempt to end all the suffering that characterizes your life, as traces of an attempt to give up and finish your stage in this world. Sometimes we feel that we're alone, that there's no one in the world who understands and that is by your side to give you that much-needed support that you don't have. Sometimes you see how everyone around you seem to be happy while you're slowly dying within you, and they don't notice it because you pretend to be happy like them, because you aren't brave enough to tell the person next to you everything that you lived and all that you're living, because you feel that they simply don't care. You're holding all your feelings, putting a mask of happiness, until you cannot stand more and that's when a new scar appears on your skin. Everyone around you seem distant, but you try to cling to them to avoid being alone and thinking about your problems. You pretend to be someone you're not to not deal with your problems and seek solutions, because it's easier this way. Then your life becomes one big lie, in a play that seems endless, while depression invades every part of your body, but you hide it. You cannot talk to anyone because everyone thinks you're happy. You give up your dreams because the only thing you do is to survive just another day in this world rather than enjoy it, because you think your dreams are stupid and never going to make it true and it's easier to survive than to strive and face your fears. You are weak. Your lack of courage and your sadness make you be a neutral person, a person walking in this world empty, unable to have genuine feelings, unable to love and be loved; a cold person unable to show all the love and repressed feelings. You become a slave of your own body. You start thinking that every moment of happiness is stupid, that you don't deserve to be happy because you let your problems being more important than trying to find the way to be happy. One day you sit in your bed and you look in the mirror asking yourself what is the point of go on living, if it looks like things will not change. You look in the mirror and look at a person with an empty look, tired of living this way. But when you decide to give up altogether, an unexpected event stops you and saves your life.**

**Yesterday I received a letter from a stranger who gave me all the support I needed all this time and I never had. A simple letter that made me realize that it's never too late to change your life. Suddenly the world no longer seemed bleak, and a strange feeling came over my body, a feeling that people often call hope. That simple letter gave me the courage to face my fears and do what I always wanted to do. I changed my attitude and I can finally honestly say that I'm being happy; I no longer need a mask. I know I still have many things to live and I'm going to devote to find those things. I know that everything cannot be perfect, I know I'm going to find many obstacles along the way, but this time I won't give up, this time I'll learn to get up when I stumble. Worth a try. And after all, we can never enjoy our achievements if we don't go through difficulties that confront us. I'll be strong and do my best. I know I can.**

**The point of this letter is to make people see that all isn't lost. I don't know who is going to receive this letter or don't know if this letter will help you reflect on your own life, but it worked for me. Yesterday I received a letter from an unknown man who told me his story and sent it to three strangers. Today, with this letter, I'm asking whoever you receive this letter, to send three letters to different people explaining your history. It's a small gesture that can help people find their way, and even lifesaving. It saved my life, and hope it works for other people. We aren't the only ones who have problems; all we have to do is make people feel they are not alone.**

**I hope that this chain of letters will follow continuing.**

**Sincerely, a stranger."**

After you finished the letter, you searched three addresses at random and left your apartment to send them. You started to feel a sense of relief and happiness. Finally you said many things that had happened to you to someone, although you didn't really say those facts, the causes that had led you to take these decisions in your life. You knew that, for the first time since your father died, someone would listen to you. And you weren't feeling alone.

* * *

_FOUR DAYS LATER…_

* * *

The postman knocked on your door to give you two letters came from two directions in which you had sent your letter. You felt a weird feeling, you didn't know what might come to find in these letters; however you sat down and opened the first letter.

**"What you've done is inconceivable. To begin with, who do you think you are to send a letter like this to a family home? It's as if you've invaded our privacy. We don't even know who you are, because you've retained your name as anonymous. I don't know what you're looking for, but if you dare to do harm to our family I'll sue to spend the rest of your life in prision, I swear this will be the last thing you do. And I don't believe any of that story as a child suffered. If you have so many problems, go to a psychologist and stop bothering people who are trying to deal with their own problems, which are already enough. People like you shouldn't exist in this world, cannot do anything else to complain about life and disturb families trying to be happy. Lock yourself in a mental hospital. In this way, you'd help people; do a great favor to this society.**

**Please don't contact me again or you know what you'll get in return. One last tip, stop living in the midst of lies and find something better to do in life than complain about it."**

You kept looking at the letter, surprised. The words that person used to describe his opinion about your letter was very rude. You weren't expecting an answer like this, definitely that person didn't understand the meaning of your letter. You kept thinking about how some people could be so closed-minded and selfish. You read the letter again. The handwriting appeared to be from an older person, by the pulse. You thought maybe that was the reason why that person said that. Sometimes older people just want to enjoy their remaining time of life and cannot respond to a person who has problems much less to a stranger. They just cling to their loved ones and it's fully compressible. You left the letter aside and grabbed the second letter. You were scared with what you might get to find, but you had to read it. Slowly you opened it and started reading.

**"I just finished reading your letter and I was surprised. The truth is that I admire the courage you had to tell what happened to you, must have been difficult for you. Your letter has helped me think about some aspects of my life and I thank you. This is the first time I receive a letter and I'm glad that it was a kind of letter like this. I hope you find your way and if you ever feel lost, you'll always have my address to contact me. I don't know if I'll be very helpful but at least you know that an unknown person will answer. It was a very emotional and sincere letter that made me realize that there are people who need our help and we should stop thinking only about ourselves if we want to live a happy and harmonious life.**

**I'll definitely continue this chain letter, you have my support. I wish you can do everything you always wanted to do and you can keep up.**

**Honestly, your unknown correspondent."**

You finished reading the letter and you couldn't help but shed some tears. The letter wasn't long, but it contained many beautiful words. Even she had offered you keep writing if you ever feel bad. You were happy to know that your letter hadn't been in vain and that at least one of the three people was going to continue with the chain letters. You started to imagine how that person would be, if she was young or not, how her life would be like, if she works or studies, if she had family or not. But you didn't know and that encouraged you to continue writing, you could get to know more about that person and only by letters. Never before you had done something like this and you liked the feeling of experiencing new things. That day you fell asleep thinking about the crazy idea to get to have a pen pal, wondering whether that friendship could become more real than the friends you had in real life, that even had wondered all this time what had happened to you. A smile appeared on your face when you finally fell asleep in that apartment in the suburbs of San Francisco.

* * *

_FOUR WEEKS LATER…_

* * *

It had been four weeks since you sent your letter. The third person hadn't yet replied and perhaps would not. All you expected was that at least that person has read your letter and has sent his or her own letter to three different people.

In four weeks, many things had happened. You were in a new month. You'd finally gotten a job in a quite recognized law firm, so that the salary was very good. Also you worked only six hours a day, Monday through Friday, which gave you time to do things that you liked. You bought a camera and started to practice taking good pictures. You liked spending time taking pictures of landscapes and people, because you could capture all the beauty that was around you and made you think what people were thinking on different occasions. You used to stay looking at people trying to figure out how they would feel or what they were doing, and you used to stay looking at a landscape, thinking of different things in life. When you weren't taking pictures, you were in your apartment painting and making handcrafts to decorate your apartment and get a place more enjoyable to live.

During the four weeks you continued writing to the person of the second letter. You'd talked about many things and you got to know her a little more. It was a girl of twenty years old called April who was studying journalism and lived in New York alone in a student residence. You found out that in her spare time she used to attend charity events to help people with disabilities. She'd told you that three people had answered her letter and it worked. Both maintained a good relationship through letters and knew you were going to continue writing each other. April seemed a good girl, though she hadn't yet told the story of her life. You still had time.

That day was your first day of theater classes and you were very excited. The first class was a class where everyone introduced themselves. It wasn't a large group, there were only ten people. Before the class ended, you all did an impromptu performance. You could remember that time when you were a little girl, you could remember what it felt like being on stage and a feeling of extreme happiness came over you. During the minutes that lasted the impromptu performance, you forgot everything around you, everything you'd lived. There were only you and your classmates playing an imaginary situation. Finally you honestly smiled like that time you acted for the first time when you were eight years in front of your father.

When you came back to your apartment, you found a letter under your door. The third and last person had answered your letter. Quickly, you grabbed the letter and you sat down to start reading it.

**"Hell-o stranger! I'm the stranger squared answering your letter, I'm used to receive letters but the truth is that I had never before received a letter like yours, so I told myself **_–__Strange boy, it's time to grab pen and paper to answer this letter -_**so I listened to my mind that never stopped talking. Your letter left me much to think about. Throughout my silly life I've heard many things like that, but no one before had described me it with such honesty and realism. What can I say? I'm not very good at giving advice, in my life I've done many bad things like throwing cupcakes to cool people, but really your letter gave me a weird feeling. It's unbelievable how a person can feel when loses the way. If there's anything you know now is that you're not alone cause you're here with me. Yes, that's it. My mom taught me that **_-The __power of a smile goes a long way -_** so I decided that I'm going to help you smile, I wish I could help you and I find it absolutely incredible that it's through letters. Man, I'd never done anything like this! Is so cool! Maybe I cannot answer it quickly because my life is somewhat accelerated, I'm a busy bee! That's why I couldn't answer before, I had to go to NYC for work.**

**I'm glad you've finally decided to go ahead and face your fears, that way you can be yourself. I always say that **_-There's nothing more badass than being yourself -_**so I say huzzah for that!**

**I saw this letter is from San Francisco, weird! I lived most of my life in SF, I could say I'm a proud native of San Francisco and I left my heart there. Perhaps we know each other, perhaps not. It'll be a big mystery. I love mysterious things, you never know what you're going to find so then you have to investigate clues just as Tintin does! Tintin is my idol, I always wanted to be like him, perhaps someday I will. Who knows? Another big mystery of life. You see? Mystery. The mystery is totally awesome, man!**

**I have a terrible problem, I cannot stop talking. I'm talking all the time, well in this case it'd be writing. I'm writing a lot and should stop, but I cannot because my mind is very accelerated and it looks like my hand took control of my body! What would happen if for one day of our lives our hands take the control of the body? I'd call it Handy-day. Well, it's a terrible name. I should think of something better, perhaps as the title of a film as a documentary that could then go through History Channel **_-The world according to the hand –_**It'd be an interesting point of view.**

**Once again, I deviated from the topic of conversation. Thinking about many hands made me think that I really should use my hand to get an Apple juice. Do you like the Apple juice? I think it's fucking delicious. One simple thing leads to another, and thinking about delicious I wondered what your favorite food is.**

**Hey! I just had an idea! We could play a kind of game, which would make this much more fun! What do you think about this idea? Anyway I won't take a no as an answer, so here I go. I'll do a series of questions and you have to answer me them in the following letter. What we get with this? Very simple. We're going to have fun, you're gonna be able to ask me questions as I'm gonna do and you're gonna be forced to answer this letter. I'll be a sad panda if you don't answer this letter, and nobody wants to see a sad panda so you have no options.**

**Please Miss, answer the following questions.**

**1-** **What's your favorite food?**

**2-** **What's the dream of your life?**

**3-** **Do you like Disney? (****If yes, answer what is your favorite movie****)**

**4-** **What do you think about music?**

**5-** **Define cupcakes.**

**6-** **If you had the chance to know to place in the world. Which would it be? Justify your answer.**

**Whoa! I felt as if I were a teacher. That's a good thing, I always wanted to be a teacher or a dad, is the closest thing to be a superhero!**

**Well, I think my hand already took my body for too long and it's starting to hurt, so I'm gonna say **_- Bad hand! Let me rest! -_**I'm a tired panda and I need to get some sleep to start a busy day tomorrow!**

**I await your reply, mysterious girl!**

**Warm fuzzies, the guy who turned into a paper to be a letter. :)**

**PS 1: This is totally awesome!**

**PS 2: I should stop writing now!**

**PS 3: I hope you have a bloody amazing day!**

**PS 4: Yeah, all my life I pretended to be British.**

**PS 5: Now seriously… mysterious guy OUT!"**

_**"Wow" **_Your voice echoed in the quiet room. _**"This is probably rather definitely the strangest letter I received in my life! Wow."**_

You started to laugh at the letter. Definitely that letter had cheered you day. It had no coherence; it seemed as if this guy was writing everything was coming to mind. Definitely he hadn't premeditated what he was going to write. You looked at the letter again and saw how the boy had drawn a smiley face at the end of the letter. You smiled when you felt the sweetness that it provoked to you. As he said, you had no choice. You had to answer the letter, but you really wanted to. You liked his idea of turning letters into a sort of game, it was like returning to childhood, where the games made you have fun and always made you laugh. You decided to answer the letter at that moment.

**"Hi letter-boy! Wow, your letter was so… I don't even know where to start, if I should answer the letter first or answer the questions. However, here I am answering because, as you said, nobody likes to see a sad panda! In a way, I was forced to answer the letter. First of all, I have a big question that got me thinking... Do you really have conversations with your mind? Is it as if your mind were a person? Now that's interesting.**

**Well I've already decided how to answer the letter, I'll reply in parts.**

**Thank you for your words**_-You're not alone cause you're here with me -_**They were very beautiful, made me remember a song I once heard. And your mom is very good at giving advice, that phrase about the smile is very true, I never stopped to think about that. A smile was always having a simple smile for me, now the meaning is different. I'd have liked to have a mother like yours who could give me an advice like that throughout my life. And if what you're looking for with this letter was to make me smile, well definitely your mission is accomplished. Your letter was the most bizarre and funny letter I received.**

**Alright**_-Busy bee -_**Now that's busy! Tell me, is your work based on wake up every morning, explore flowers and collect honey? If so, you definitely have to send me some honey, I'm like Winnie the Pooh, so I demand my jar of honey!**

**Then**_-There's nothing more badass than being yourself -_**that's an interesting way to describe the experience of being oneself. I've always heard statements like **_-Don't be afraid to be yourself -_**or**_-Be yourself and you'll find the way to be happy -_**but I had never heard that being yourself you'd be a badass. I couldn't help but imagine myself wearing clothes to my taste, with a cap and an earring in my tongue walking down the street screaming **_-Look at me, I'm a badass!-_**It was very funny. But I caught the message, don't worry I'm not that stupid. In a way, is the quote about being yourself most honest I've heard. I'm trying to be myself, although it's sometimes difficult. We live in a very judgmental society, where if you are motivated to be yourself, you'll be excluded. I always think that the important values ****of life have been replaced by the popularity, money and social rate to which you belong. But I've tried to be someone else and it didn't work, so now I'll try to ****be myself, and take the first step. As you said... Huzzah! (I must admit is a very funny expression, I think I'll start to use it more often).**

**Exactly, I'm from San Francisco. I was born here and lived here all my life. It's a beautiful city, but I'm just enjoying it now. Maybe we do know, but judging by how you like mystery, is better if we stop here and keep it as a secret. The mysterious life of the unknown girl and boy. Sounds good, we should make our own movie.**

**Tintin? Really? I've heard very crazy dreams, but no doubt this is the weirdest dream I've heard. I have a solution. Ready? You'll hear (or read) the most amazing solution to fulfill your dream to be Tintin. All you have to do is get orange pants, a blue shirt and a red wig if you don't have red hair. Get out into the street and start to follow mysterious clues. Tada! The new Tintin has appeared! Tell me if it worked or not.**

**Of talking about Tintin you started talking about the hand, and hand to dominate the world. Maybe one day we wake up and our hands will be monitoring us, doing unimaginable things, taking revenge because they're tired of us having the control. And that will be a case that Tintin must solve. Would Tintin be able to solve the mystery? Would Tintin be able to save humanity from the empire of hand? We will see that in the next episode of The Adventures of Tintin!**

**This**_-Apple juice, fucking delicious -_**sounds like propaganda. Are you a publicist? The truth is that I don't drink apple juice, I prefer to drink Gatorade. Now that's really delicious. Maybe ever change the Gatorade for apple juice and I'll tell you if it's fucking delicious or not.**

**You won't take a no as an answer, so I'll have to play that game. I'll answer your questions and then I'll ask you.**

**1-** **Favorite food. This's a hard question, I cannot even pick one. If Nutella or chocolate count as food, that would be my answer. If those options aren't valid, I think I'd say lasagna. You can call me Garfield now!**

**2-** **What's the dream of my life. Well, it's a very intense question. My dream has always been acting. It may sound silly, but I've always wanted to give my life to a stage where you can make up completely imaginary worlds, where you can give people a deep message through entertainment. I think the theater is one of the most amazing arts where you're constantly expressing creativity, and creativity in an adult is a child who has never disappeared. At one point, I think that everything would be more enjoyable if we could keep the child we always were, the child is creativity and pure innocence. It's amazing what you can learn from a child. But I never have tried to fulfill my dream, so far. I've studied something completely different because of fear, but today was my first theater class. I call that progress. And I'm really very happy to have made the decision to start studying theatre.**

**3-** **Of course I love Disney! I think I've watched all the movies and I know all the songs! I'm like a maniac. I even used to have a dog named Goofy, if that answers your question. I've always wanted to go to Disneyland, it'd be like a dream to be walking in the midst of a fantastic and amazing world, but I never had the chance. I guess someday I'll go. You asked me to choose my favorite movie, but there are so many! I guess I'll answer the Lion King, it's probably the best movie and even nowadays I cry when Mufasa dies, I cannot help it. But I always wanted to be Ariel from the Little Mermaid. She's so beautiful with an incredible voice. Ariel is definitely the character that I would most like to be.**

**4-** **What I think about music. Believe it or not, it's a complex question. I think music is the art of expressing all that we feel from the bottom of our hearts, feelings that cannot be expressed otherwise. The music is all that remains beautiful when everything seems dark and ugly. Music is like an engine that drives us to look beyond what our eyes can see, is something that is not tangible but it feels. We, people, can identify with music and music let all that is around us makes sense. This sounds like something utopian and unrealistic, but I think it really is like that. I never had the opportunity to learn to play an instrument and I'm a terrible singer, but I love to listen and feel the music. If ever I have the opportunity to play an instrument, it'd be the piano. Every time I hear the sound of the piano, it's like my mind flew to another dimension. I don't think I'm gonna get to learn to play the piano because it takes a talent that I don't have, but I'm happy with listening to its melody.**

**5-** **Define cupcakes. This is the most extravagant and random question I've ever had. The cupcakes are simply delicious. I think I'd include them in my daily basis. They're very tasty and we can find a huge variety, of all sizes, tastes and colors. Definitely I wouldn't throw them to people like you, I prefer to eat them!**

**6-** **A place in the world. Wow! The truth is that I never thought about it before. I think I have two places in the world. One place would be a dream to go, and the other place would be more like a reality that could be near. The real place where I'd like to live, would be NYC, it's like my ideal city where I could do better and progress. And I like the theater, so I'd love to go to Broadway. I don't know if I'd have the chance to perform on Broadway (c'mon, it's very unreal!) But I'd like to watch all the performances and acting. I'm seriously thinking about moving to NYC to live. My place in the world, where I'd love to go and know, it'd be Italy. The beautiful and historic Italy. It's a wonderful country, full of history and art, is a perfect place. I know that if someday I go to Italy I'm going to fall in love with it, is a country where I can find everything: Roman art, Medieval, Renaissance. Italy is the country of Renaissance art, art, architecture and landscape are fused to make the perfect place. Italy is definitely my place in the world, and I have to admit that even the Italian language is very sexy.**

**Alright, I've answered all your questions and this letter seems endless. So now it's my turn to ask. Are you ready?**

**1-** **What do you do?**

**2-** **In your free times, what do you like to do?**

**3-** **If I say Harry Potter, what do you think?**

**4-** **Day or night?**

**5-** **If you had to describe your life in a nutshell, what would?**

**6-** **What was far more cheerful and exciting event of your life?**

**Well, six questions as you asked me. Here's the first rule of the game: is not allowed to ignore any questions.**

**I look forward to your letter, or I'll be a sad panda, and as you said, nobody likes to see a sad panda. Don't worry if you can't answer the letter quickly, I understand you're a busy bee collecting honey.**

**Warm fuzzies, the mysterious girl.**

**PS: I'm attaching some photos I took (Yeah, I love taking pictures). Perhaps them bring you memories."**

That way you ended your letter to the mysterious and funny guy. You had the feeling that you were going to have a good time with him. You enclosed with the letter some pictures of San Francisco that you had taken and drew a smiley face at the end of the letter, in the same way he had done in his letter. You sent the letter and you came back to your apartment, eager and excited to receive his answer.

* * *

_THREE WEEKS LATER…_

* * *

You got up by the sound of someone knocking on the door. It was a cold Saturday at 8am. You grabbed your coat and opened the door to face a man, still a little asleep. It was the postman with a package for you from that mysterious guy.

**"Have I casually been named letter-boy? I've been called many things in my life, but never letter-boy. Letter-boy sounds so... tiny. I like it. Man! I have a pet name already! From now on I'll be the letter-boy and you'll be the letter-girl. It's only fair!**

**You asked me if I have conversations with my mind, as if my mind were a person. Duh! I've even named it; my mind is called Little Brainy. Isn't it cute? Many times we squabble, but we have a very special bond that makes us best friends who are dodging all sorts of obstacles together and nobody will ever separate us! It's the best friend I ever had. Maybe it's because it's part of my body and we are connected, I don't know. It's organic and mysterious.**

**You've talked about your mother, who didn't give you advice like my mom. Tell me about it. How is it, how is your relationship with her. I'd like to get to know you a little more. You don't have to if you're not comfortable, but after all I'm a letter-boy and that's easier to tell your personal stuff to someone who wasn't always in your life, someone who can't judge you and that it's not gonna tell your stuff to anyone out there. I may help you to get you loads off you've loaded all these years alone. Moreover, so you can see that you can trust me, I'll tell you something very personal that I've never told anyone. It'll be a secret just between you and me; I trust that you'd keep the secret.**

**Many years ago, I went to elementary school. Back then I was just a silly boy, ordinary. I could never be like other kids my age. It seemed that those guys just enjoyed playing and doing mischief, they were only used to spend their time hanging out talking about robots and tough guys with guns, dreaming of becoming firemen, astronauts, policemen or cowboys. Of course I also did pranks, in my life I've made ****millions of antics that have led me to be in penance often and they made my parents nervous. But spending time with those guys wasn't what I most enjoyed doing. I didn****'t dream of being a firefighter, or astronaut, neither cop nor cowboy.** **I wanted to be an actor and musician. I used to spend all my time playing my guitar, singing and doing Disney covers. When I wasn't doing that, I was spending hours learning to play the violin and cello, and then I learned to play the piano, drums, mandolin, harmonica, ukulele, kazoo, the pan flute, didgeridoo and other instruments. In my free time I wasn't used to play soccer, I was used to lock myself in my room and practice in the mirror acting certain situations I made up in my head. If anyone ever looked at me, sure thought I was crazy, but we're all a little crazy. At that time my singing voice wasn't very good and I was always compared with my brother (he's a genius, has a band and is totally awesome). My parents always supported me in everything I wanted to do; I always had support from 'em. But they never knew what happened to me meanwhile in school. When I was walking through the hallways at school people always yelled at me**_-Weirdo! -_**And a lot of words I cannot remember. At that time, I thought being called a weirdo was an insult. When I sang, acted or played guitar boys laughed in my face and made fun of me. I had no friends, I was excluded and a... weirdo. Many times after school a group of boys who called themselves **_- the rough boys -_** were used to corner me and beat me or they locked me in the bathroom, they stole and broke my personal stuff. I always lied to my parents**- _I stumbled_- **or** _- I lost it -_ **or** - _I got distracted doing something else_- **They believed me because there were no lies between us. I remember that for my birthday I had to spend my lunch money to pay kids to go to my birthday party so that way my mother would think I had friends. Once, a rainy day, the rough boys did something that got out of their control. I had finished a performance for New Year's Eve in front of the whole school, singing with my guitar. That bothered the rough boys and they waited for me after school. They wanted my guitar, wanted to break it, and I wasn't going to let them to take it off from me. We argued until I felt how one of them, the leader, pushed me and I fell down the stairs. From that moment I remember nothing until I opened my eyes and was in a hospital and my mom was beside me, watching me. I remember some words she told me**- _They told me that you fell off the stairs. Is that true? -_**I stared at her eyes and seconds later I nodded. That was the last lie I told my mom, I was afraid that the rough guys would beat me again for telling the truth. Time passed and I never told anyone. I still have a scar on the back of my head and since then sometimes I'm used to forget things like the lyrics of a tune. Since then, I realized that being different makes you stronger, and thanks to that over time I could find true friends. I know it's not so serious or important, but it's an event that stuck in my memory and I've never told to someone before. So this is our first secret we share.**

**Anyway, you've told me what you imagined when I said badass. Why don't you do it? Why don't you go out into the street like that? It could be quite fun.****You'd walk down the street saying**_-Hey! __Look at me, I'm different and you cannot do shit about it!__I'm cool, man!-_**I don't know how you look physically, but I'm imagining you in my mind and I can't stop laughing!**

**Your point of view on society is quite deep and I'd even say right. But I think there are still good people in this world who understand what the real and important life values are, the ones who will be always there and won't go away over time. You just have to learn to see who these people are and interact with them. You'll be surprised when you see that there are still so many people like that. Don't worry about those who think that the popularity, money and social status are everything; they'll realize soon that it's not like that and they'll regret. And after all ... who are they to judge? We too are to blame for that, without realizing we put them in a higher status. We do nothing for them to realize that we are all equal. We should think about it too. Just dedicate yourself to enjoy the time with people who are worth it and not let anyone thinks is better than you, because no one is and you matter.**

**Hey! It's not a bad idea to dress up as Tintin! Someday I'll do it and I'll research some clues, I'm gonna keep you posted. I may find out the mystery of the hands, I'm willing to take the risk. If you watch in History Channel the story about hand, that's gonna be me!**

**Is your favorite food the lasagna? Whoa! You really are Garfield! I hope you're not like Garfield on a Monday. Well, you told me you loved Nutella, that it's delicious. So if I were you, I'd see what is attached with this letter. You have to open the package that says** _-Surprise number one -_**You have to follow duly the order of the surprises as you read the letter!**

**I don't think your dream of becoming an actress is stupid. You know? I love Disney and I think it's the perfect time to quote him**_**–**__If you can dream it, you can do it -_**It worked for me, why wouldn't it work for you? Don't give up, if it's what you really want you can do it. It's beautiful how you talk about theatre. I feel exactly the same about theater; I think it's where I really belong. And like you, I think we should all keep our inner child. Don't worry too much about everything, about what others think, and just enjoy yourself what you have. You've definitely took ****a good decision to register yourself in those theater classes.**** Maybe someday we could get to act together through letters, or who knows maybe destiny would join us and we'd star a Broadway play together. We must dream, mustn't we? Dreaming is something that keeps us alive, giving us the strength to carry on, the reason that gives us a goal to fulfill. And when you're aiming too high on the moon and then you can put your feet on the ground, it'll be a wonderful thing. It's a very cool experience.**

**Okay, you love Disney. I think we have another thing in common. As you might have noticed, I love Disney since I was a little innocent boy. We have something to share! Oh my wizard god! The Lion King is one of the best movies ever! When I go watch that movie I also need a tissue, because I know I'll mourn like a baby! However, my favorite movie is Aladdin. Have you always wanted to be Ariel? This is when you have to open the package that says **_-Surprise numer two -_**I think you'll like it and it'll be more useful to be with you than with me. Someday you'll go to Disneyland and you'll never want to leave! I've been there several times and I never get tired of it, it's ... totally awesome!**

**Wow. Just wow. Your way to explain music is the most wonderful thing I've ever heard in my life. Your words really made ****me thrill. It's hard to find someone who thinks that way about music. Many people think that music is only a background melody, but very few people know how to appre****ciate what really is the music. The only thing I'd add is that music is life. You said that the piano is your favorite instrument, but you've never learned how to play it. Here comes my **_-Surprise number three -_ **It's not really a piano, but it's a very small keyboard much like a piano. I took the boldness of writing musical notes in the keyboard keys. I'll teach you to play the piano, I'm gonna be your tutor. If you can't get it at the first attempt, don't give up, it was really hard for me too at first. It's crazy, isn't? Having a piano teacher through letters. You must be wondering how the hell are we gonna do it. It's very simple actually, here comes the last surprise. The **_-Surprise number four -_ **It's a CD where I'm playing the piano a Disney song, probably my favorite one **_- Part of your World -_ **Don't worry! I only shot the piano and my hands, so don't be scared to see the CD. You're going to try to copy me, you'll record all your practices, and then you're going to send it to me. That way I can evaluate you and teach you to play the piano. Don't be afraid! I know you can do it. So you can call me teacher letter-boy from now on.**

**About the cupcakes ... someday we're gonna buy a lot of cupcakes and we're gonna throw them at walls together. It'll be one of the funniest things you'll ever do in your life!**

**Your places in the world. Why do you think about it too much? If you really want to go to NYC, all you have to do is to pack your suitcase and get your ass there. The only thing I'd ask is you to tell me what your new address is gonna be so I can keep sending you letters!**

**Ti piace l'Italia? Italia è veramente un paese meraviglioso! Yeah, I can speak fluent Italian, I've lived in Italy to study commedia dell'arte. I'll always consider Italy as a beautiful country; all art, landscapes, people. I know that someday you'll be able to fulfill the dream to go there, and I know you're gonna love that place. Hai scelto un buon posto nel mondo.**

**Now it's my turn to answer your questions.**

**1- As you surely have noticed throughout this letter, I dedicate myself to the theater and music, which are definitely my two passions. I think we share the passion for the theatre and the show bussines, reason why we can talk about many things together.**

**2- In my free time what I like to do. Man! So many things! But definitely the answer is to play my guitar. Playing my guitar is the best way to disconnect from everything and concentrate only on music. There's nothing that can be compared to playing the guitar.**

**3- Harry Potter. Where do I start? Harry Potter made my childhood magical. I read all the books, I've watched all the movies and, with a group of friends, we have created our own version of Harry Potter, a comic version. Harry Potter is the boy who lived to give us a new magical world. I'm an insane hopeless fan. Even once I did a sort of quiz to see in which house I'd be. Apparently I'm a Hufflepuff! Harry Potter is ... totally awesome! I'm still waiting for the owl to come to my house with a letter of acceptance to Hogwarts; I've been waiting for 24 years. I'm starting to think that the owl got lost trying to find my home.**

**4- Day or night? What kind of question is this? The truth is that the letter-boy doesn't know! I think I'll choose the day, just for the simple fact that I almost don't sleep at night. I'm kind of zombie. I pick the day because you can do many things that during the night you can't. Everything is clearer, although I must admit that the night also has its magic. But I'm a guy who likes being busy and taking advantage of the day to the fullest.**

**5-****Describe my life in a nutshell is almost impossible! My brain is working its full potential to be able to answer this question. Dammit! Is so fucking hard! Alright, I think that it'd be**_-__ The silly and random life of a goober guy through music and theater__ -_**That could sum up my life a bit, but as I said is very difficult to answer it, so probably in five minutes I'm gonna change my mind.**

**6- What was the most exciting and joyful time of my life. Wow. Honestly, there are so many and also I'd surely change my mind in five minutes. But there's a moment that is very simple and almost insignificant, but it meant a lot to me. There was a very important moment in my life; I was on stage, in a debut. I was fulfilling the dream of my life and I was nervous as hell and I was scared the fuck outta me but I pretended not to be. When the curtain opened I started panicking, I thought I couldn't do it. I looked at the audience, the room was full. Among all people I could see my family and best friends. They were just sitting there looking at me straight in the eye with a big smile. They were telling me they were proud of me and that I could do it. They didn't need to tell me anything; just with their looks they gave me the courage to do so. That night I performed for them. It was a unique moment. A moment that seems insignificant but I could never forget. They trusted me and I gave my best for 'em.**

**You asked good questions, some of them very random, but I'm a boy who really enjoys random things. I have to admit that I like you, at least everything I know about you so far.**

**Now it's my turn to ask questions, and the same rules are for you too. You must answer all of them.**

**1- What is your favorite color?**

**2- If you had only one week to live before die. What would you do?**

**3- If you had the opportunity to perform on Broadway. What play would you like to perform?**

**4- Have you ever wondered if unicorns exist?**

**5- What do you think about the world and people?**

**And one last question, I know that probably you wouldn't want to answer it, but I'd like to know the answer.**

**6- Why a girl like you that seems to be fun, nice and smart has felt so alone and lost?**

**That's all, my favorite letter-girl! I hope you have a totally awesome day!**

**Warm fuzzies, the mysterious letter-boy.**

**PS: Your photos of San Francisco are stunning! I couldn't help but feel nostalgia and I'm not ashamed to admit that some mischievous tears ran out from my eyes. Everything is as I remember! Of course some things have changed, but the essence of San Francisco is intact. Thank you for that!"**

You finished reading the letter with a smile and grabbed the package to open the surprises. The surprise number one was a jar of Nutella. You quickly grabbed a spoon and started to eat it. The taste of it remained the same as you remembered since you were a little girl. Delicious.

You grabbed the surprise number two. It was small. You slowly opened it and you found a pen whose cap was the Ariel's face and all the pen was her body. It was a beautiful pen. You smiled widely.

Surprise number three. He had already commented in the letter what it was, but you refused to believe it. You carefully grabbed and opened it. It was a small keyboard, whose keys were written according the musical notes. A few tears fell down your face, but this time were tears of joy. You couldn't believe what this guy was doing for you. He'd given you a keyboard much like a piano, your favorite instrument. Not only that, but he was going to teach you to play it. You remembered the fourth and final surprise. You put the CD into the computer. You didn't know what you'd find, however you pressed the play button. You only saw a beautiful big black piano and his hands, which started to play a song. He didn't even talk; he just started playing a beautiful melody. Definitely that mysterious guy knew how to play the piano. You decided to pay attention and try to learn the whole song, so it was going to take time to reply the letter. But you were going to do it the next day. At that time you kept playing the CD and you laid in your bed until you fell asleep, listening to the world's most beautiful melody, feeling how each musical note were penetrating your ears, while a smile was drawn on your face as manifest of the pleasure that caused listen the sound of the piano.

* * *

_ONE WEEK LATER…_

* * *

You'd finished packing all your stuff. The next day you were going to move to NYC, the mysterious boy gave you all the encouragement you needed to take that decision. The theater school where you were, had prepared all the papers and documents needed to transfer you to one of the best schools in NYC. You were happy and radiant.

Also you've been practicing playing the song the mysterious boy had assigned you. It was really hard; you had to not coordinate the movement of your hands and failed all the time. But you've decided to learn. The result wasn't very good; however you recorded the CD to send it to the boy.

Finally, you decided to answer the boy.

**"A week has gone away and you haven't heard anything from me. How does it feel? I've been assigned a task and it had to be done before answering you. Yes, I've been practicing playing the keyboard and I recorded the CD, you'll find it in the package. Don't get too excited! I told you I have no talent, so the result isn't good. The way you play the piano is just wonderful; I cannot explain all I felt while I was listening to you. I'm sending letters to the new Mozart! It was very kind and sweet of you to want to teach me to play the piano, I'm not a very good student but I promise to do my best. Wow, you really are an excellent musician! You're very talented.**

**I'm telling you that you've helped me take a decision. Tomorrow I move to start a new life in the great NYC. I'm so excited; I think it was a good decision! I enclose my new address, where you have to answer my letters from now on. Wish me luck!**

**I really like your idea of starting to call ourselves letter-boy and letter-girl! Although I'm not sure if I should call you letter-boy or teacher letter-boy full-time. It's an existential doubt. And by the way, the story of your mind and you moved me so much. You've found the best friend of your life!**

**Your story about when you were a child isn't stupid at all. Children can be cruel sometimes and I understand your reasons why you've never told your parents. It's not silly because I think each person is raised in different environments, and from the little I know about the environment in which you grew up; this event in your life must be very awful. We never have to compare with the realities experienced by other people; we all have different experiences that we live. I'm pleased to know that you have taken this event as learning; you could get something good out of it. I wish I could have done the same thing, that way I'd have avoided many things that happened to me, the way in which affected me. Don't worry; your secret is safe with me.**

**My mother. It's a long topic of conversation and I don't like talking about it. But since you've told me a secret, it's fair that I tell you one of mine. When I was little, when I was about 10 years old, my dad died. My dad was an amazing person, a person who always encouraged me and always gave me love. He was the real reason that the family was united. He did his best to see everyone happy. The day he died, everything changed in my family. We gradually grew apart, each pursuing our own interests. My mother became an alcoholic. Every night she arrived drunk at my house and she became an extremely violent person. I still remember the fear I had when in the midst of the darkness she went up the stairs to my room. I still remember the pain that caused me when she grabbed her belt to hit me while I was clung to my stuffed unicorn, that my dad had given me, to evade reality and imagine another world where my dad was still alive. Things got worse when my mother started to take drugs. She wasn't a sane person even during the day, she lived in another world, bringing lovers to the house and I was there present, trying to listen music to not hear the noises coming from her bedroom. I was only 15 years. When I was 16 years, a situation did change my life. My mother was drugged and drunk and she brought a new lover to the house who was also drunk. I was in my room in the dark, covered by sheets, imagining that world that I used to imagine when I wanted to break out of reality. I felt the alcohol breath on my face, I felt how rough hands roamed my body, I felt that my mother's lover abused me while I tried to imagine that I wasn't there. My mother was watching us and all she did was laugh, she wasn't unaware of what was happening. My brothers were no longer living at home and they didn't care about me, so they never found it out. The next day, I packed my suitcase and left my house. I found a job as a waitress and with that I managed to rent a room in a house where an elderly couple lived and I decided to finish my studies. I didn't hear about my mother until I started college, telling me that she had been in rehab, that she was sorry, and to force me to study law. But I never saw her again. I cannot see her face without remembering his laugh to see her young daughter was being raped. I never denounced her, never could. I understand that he was drugged and drunk, but, after all, she was still my mother. That's my story with my mother and I've never told this to anyone. Perhaps out of shame, perhaps because I simply wanted to erase it from my memory. It's a secret that only you and I share.**

**It's been quite intense writing all this and finally tell it to someone, so I'm only going to answer your questions.**

**1- My favorite color is blue. It's a beautiful color, which reminds me to the sea and the sky, which brings me peace.**

**2- If I had only one week to live... First of all I'd go to my dad's grave, I'd say all he means to me and how much he's helped me in this life, that soon I'm gonna meet him again to go back to being happy together. Then I'd go to see my mother to say she has hurt me but I forgive her and I hope that all the bad things she's done will serve as learning to not do it again, to start a new life and not lose her way again. Then I'd play my last performance in a public place so that everyone can see and no one is excluded, to do what I love most in this life. After that, I'd travel. I love traveling and seeing new places. I'd go to Italy, France, Greece, Spain, Germany, and UK. Enjoy my time there. When I return to where I live, I'd say to all those who I appreciate how much I love them. Then I'd donate the money I have for those who need it most, I know it'd be more useful to them than leave the money as an inheritance, which produces only arguments and conflicts. And then, when I run the last breath, I'd go to the beach to see the sunset in peace before leaving this world forever.**

**3- Well, that's a nice question. What play I'd like to perform on Broadway. I think that I'd choose "Les Miserables", with the role of Fantine; because she has a really tragic role throughout the play. It's a magnificent play that reasons about the nature of good, evil, the law through a story that encompasses and explains the history of France, politics, ethics, justice, religion, society and the nature of romantic love and family. The message that this play has behind the acting is incredible.**

**4- Another of your outlandish questions! Of course I wondered if unicorns exist! Sometimes I think that still exist, but not everyone can see them. For some reason all people describe and draw unicorns in the same way. Meanwhile, I'm blissful to have my own stuffed unicorn that my dad gave me.**

5- **What I think about the world and people. It's a deep question. Well, I've already talked a bit about what I think, but your words have made me change my point of view. I've always believed that the world and people is just a cluster of selfishness, hypocrisy, injustice and discrimination. I never could understand the reasons why human beings are always looking to hurt other people, I could never understand why we aren't dedicated only to try to be happy and help those in need. I could never understand why we cannot be considered equal or why someone has to be higher, or why someone has so much money that burns it for fun while there are millions of people who die of hunger. I could never understand how millions of people cry when someone famous dies, but no one cries when millions of homeless people die. I always thought that this world has no solution. But then you said those words and reminded me of the song by John Lennon **_-Imagine all the people sharing all the world.__You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.__I hope someday you'll join us, and the world would be as one -_**I've realized that we can change this situation, even if we do something minimum will help. But if we want to change things, we must first change ourselves. That's something new I learned and I'm thinking to do it.**

6- **Honestly I don't want to answer this question. Not a whim or because it's you, but because I know what I'll say may not have much sense, because I acted in a wrong way, and nobody likes to show up their mistakes or weaknesses. But I'll answer the question because you're you and for some reason I trust you, and because I decided to change and maybe the change begins by admitting the bad decisions I've taken. I'm not a nice girl neither smart. At least I wasn't always and that's what I want to change in my life. I've been a person who always hid her feelings and lived surrounded by lies. I always lied to people to please them and to break out of the reality I experienced.**** Instead of confronting and overcoming that reality, I just tried to erase it from my memory. All I did was go to school and work to pay the rent. My grades began to decline because I had no time to study. They wanted to expell me, but I wanted to continue studying. I knew that only through the study I'd be able to improve my situation, so I had to reduce my expenses. I didn't buy clothes or food anymore. People at school started to discriminate me because of my appearance, I was an excluded girl without friends, and it was very arduous for me to be alone without anyone to help me overcome what had happened to me. However, I finished school and I started the college, to study something that I really didn't like but it was going to help me progress quickly. Everyone knows that lawyers earn lot of money. I tried hard to have high grades and become a lawyer with honors; it was all I could do if I wanted everything to improve. And I got it. At college my world based on lies started. I knew if I was telling people my real life, I'd be excluded as in high school. Everyone knows that in the world of lawyers the most important thing is social status, contacts, charisma. Nobody cares if you are suffering or not. Life of lawyers is like a big trial, if you want to win the case, you must show your charisma, persuasion, pride and self confidence, and from there begins the great game of lies to try to convince the judge that you're good enough. One wrong step you take, you'll be denied over all from that point forward. It really is like that, and I didn't want to feel alone again, so thus began my great game in the big trial, trying to defend that girl who could never overcome her problems. From that moment I started to be a person who I wasn't and I hated. I became a person who was interested in popularity, money. The good life, as they call it. I became an ambitious and hypocritical person. I was surrounded by millions of friends, yet I was alone and empty. They weren't my real friends; they haven't even wondered where I am now. I lived in high society, in a luxury apartment; I had expensive furniture, designer clothes. Luxuries I couldn't afford because I didn't have enough money, but I had to make it to be included. I had to get a second job as a waitress in a nightclub hidden from those friends, besides the secretarial job of a major company. I couldn't do what I really liked because the people, with who I was related, were going to judge me and make fun of me. My life sucked and I hated myself. One day I woke up and went to work, my boss told me I was fired. When I arrived at my apartment, I realized that I had been evicted. This is how I ended up in the suburbs of San Francisco, with nothing but a mattress, a table with chairs and my computer. Alone, once again. My life wasn't as I had dreamed and I had let down the person I loved the most, my dad. I had no purpose in life and I was weak, very weak. I decided that the best would be to end this suffering, I couldn't stand it any longer and it seemed as if nothing could improve. I attempted suicide, but that letter from that unknown man stopped me and saved my life. Now everything has changed. I'm ready to face obstacles to get what I really want. Now I have hope that I believed were lost. I'm being happy. One of the reasons that allowed me to move on were your letters, don't want to sound corny or much less. But even if you don't know, it helped me a lot and I'm never gonna be able to thank you enough. Everything is different now, and is a good thing. That is, summed up, what happened to me. What made me take bad decisions that I regret. The reasons why I've always been alone and lost my way. The least I want is you to feel pity for me. Only I told you this because you asked me and because this way I can finally admit my mistakes to change them and learn from them.**

**Okay, this time you've saved from answering questions in your next letter, because honestly right now I cannot think what to ask. I have only one question that I've always wanted to know.**

**Why you do this? Do you just write me because you think I'm very weak and I can get to make those mistakes again if you stop writing me, or do you really like me?**

**If you think that if you stop writing me I'll do that again, don't worry, I assure you I will not. I've already learned my lesson. You aren't forced to answer if you don't want to do, you've already helped me. You don't need to do this, really. You've been very nice with me all this time and the least I want is you to feel forced to do something you don't want. I'm not weak, I've become strong. The only thing I'll do is to thank you wholeheartedly and hopefully one day I'll find a way to repay all you've done for me.**

**This time I won't say that I'm gonna be waiting your answer, this time I'm going to say, whatever your decision is gonna be, I wish you the best in your life because you really deserve it. You're a talented person and a wonderful person. I know that you're gonna succeed in whatever you decide to do.**

**I wish you a happy life full of joy and…good luck!**

**The letter-girl who appreciates you.**

**PS: Thank you for all your gifts, I didn't expect something like that and it really made me smile. I hope you like the gift that I sent you, I did it by myself."**

That's how you ended your letter to that mysterious guy who you really appreciated, shedding some tears. He helped you much to go on, but you knew it wasn't fair to keep him if he was writing you only by the fact he was afraid that you could take bad decisions again. You knew you were doing the right thing. You felt nostalgic and you thought how weird it would be to not receive letters from him, but you weren't sad. You went to sleep thinking that you truly wanted the best for him.

* * *

_A MONTH LATER…_

* * *

After moving to NYC, the theater school at which you were going decided to organize a little trip to Hudson Valley to explore new experiences for three weeks. It was a very nice trip and you got to know more about your classmates.

The day you came back to your apartment in NYC, the doorman stopped you saying that four packages had arrived for you. Your heart leaped to hear those words, you had the illusion that the mysterious boy has written you. Quickly you grabbed the packages and you went to your apartment. Your new department was very modest, but it was more pleasant than the last one. You already had more furniture and it was all decorated by yourself. You've got a job quickly, which had allowed you to buy new furniture. Besides, you started to offer different shops what you did: paintings, mirrors, handcrafts. Apparently, people liked it.

You sat on the couch and grabbed the first letter. It was from April.

**"Dear friend. I'm glad that you're in NYC and you can fulfill your dream. I'm very happy to know that you've faced your fears. You'll see that this city is amazing, full of opportunities. It's also a beautiful city where you can do millions of activities. The first thing you should do is walk through Central Park every Saturday morning. You'll see that you'll love this place, it's incredible the peace you can feel when you see many people walking their pets and watch children play. It's a place that will help you clear your mind and think it is worth to do so. Friend, I can't wait to see you! Right now, I'm very busy studying, but soon I'll have some time off and we can stroll through Central Park and have a coffee together, that we both love!**

**By the way, I loved the mirror that you sent me! You know me very well, you chose my favorite colors. I have it hanging in my room. Now I can see myself in the mirror before going to classes and not look like some kind of monster!**

**I tell you that I finally dared to talk to that girl in my class that I like. Her name is Claire. Our relationship has been improving day by day. We're still friends, but I don't rush things. I like her a lot; she's very friendly and wonderful. I'm sure you'd like her too. We share many things in common and she has confessed that she's a lesbian too. So I have chances with her. I'm very happy!**

**Speaking of Claire ... What happened with that mysterious guy? Did he keep sending you letters? Friend, I think you should tell him that you like him. If you don't tell him that, maybe he thinks you don't want to keep talking to him. After the things he did for you, I don't think he's sent you letters because he felt forced. Think about it.**

**Ok friend, now I have to continue studying for my exams. I'll keep in touch so we can meet soon.**

**I send you a big hug,**

**April."**

You kept looking at the letter with a smile. You were very happy about her relationship with Claire. April has always had a rough life for being a lesbian. In her whole life, she'd been bullied and discriminated for being who she was. When she went to NYC to study, it was the best thing that happened to her. She felt comfortable being who she was. April always told you that she saw Claire during her classes that she was cute and friendly, but she'd never been encouraged to talk to her because she was afraid that Claire rejected her for not being heterosexual. Now things had changed for her and she could be happy. You were excited to meet her and get to know her personally. Both were known for photos, but you wanted to meet and give that embrace of friends that you've always wanted to. You'd talked to April about the mysterious boy. Of course you hadn't told her about his secrets, but you told everything that the boy had done for you and how much he meant to you.

You grabbed the second package. You recognized the address. It was the mysterious boy. You opened it quickly and started to read his letter.

**"My favorite letter-girl. Your last letter had been really sincere and intense. I don't even know where to start.**

**Yes, I know where to start. Your gift. It's been one of the best gifts I've received, it's really beautiful. How did you guess that my favorite color is purple? Have you really painted that picture by yourself? Whoa! You really have talent! Abstract paintings are probably my favorites. I stayed looking at it for hours, trying to figure out what was its meaning; until I realized that what matters isn't knowing its true meaning, but what your imagination thinks it is. Your picture is already on the wall of my room and every night before I go to sleep I see it. You've called me the new Mozart; well I'll call you the new Joan Miró. Thank you very much, Miró girl!**

**Well, now I'll go from being the letter-boy to become the teacher letter-boy. It's very hard to learn to play piano and you knew it. But to be your first time, you did a good job. Your hands are very small and cute; I had to comment about your hands, after all I'm Tintin to uncover the mystery out of hand! Keep practicing the song and don't get nervous. I noticed that you're stressed. Chill out, you're just practicing and I know it's your first time. Especially practice the first part. I noticed how in the beginning you're very nervous and you fail in some notes, chords, measure and tempos, but throughout the song you get to relax and you do it better. Focus on each chord and pay attention to the notes that you're playing. When you have practiced enough, write the tones and tempos on a paper and put it on a music rack. Try playing the keyboard while reading it. Practice and relax, if you keep going like this, you'll soon play another song! Congrats, student letter-girl!**

**It makes me very happy that you moved to NYC. It's the ideal place where you'll be able to fulfill your dream. You'll see that you won't regret it! How is your life in NYC? I know it's too early to ask, but you always have a first impression. If you're in NYC, you have to compulsorily go to Central Park. I'll never forget the first time I was there. I never believed all the people who said that that place would help you to clear your mind, much less I thought it could work on me, I'm a guy who cannot stand still and quiet. Anyway, I went and it really worked. I have a favorite place in Central Park, I'd like if you could go there, and it's really fabulous. Go to the southeastern part of Central Park, The Pond. There you'll find the Gapstow Bridge over the Pond, and near there you'll see a large tree, the largest of all. Sit there and think of nothing, just stay looking at all the beauty around you. I know you'll like it as much as I liked it.**

**You said you consider yourself neither nice nor smart. I can say the opposite when I read your letter. With only reading your letter I realized the kind of person you are, and is the closest to wonderful person I know. Your words to describe the world and the people touched me and I love the way you related it with one of the best songs of John Lennon (Hey, there was a time in my life where everything was about Disney and The Beatles.) From now on I'll remember your very wise words**_-If you want to change the world, change yourself first -_**You may not realize how deep and wise are those words. You have a point of view on the world and the people that very few can see. I'm really amazed and I don't stop learning new things with you.**

**I also was astonished about your answer of what you'd do if you had only one week to live. When I ask that to other people, they always answer almost the same. They'd spend all his money to make a big party, they'd buy a Prada dress, they'd travel, and they'd be with their family. Nobody ever explained it the way you've done. I was thrilled to know that what you'd do first is to visit your dad's grave to tell him you'd soon be together again to be happy, it's very lovely. I can tell how much you loved him and how you must miss him. You've been brave and strong to overcome that, and it makes sense that it was so hard for you. Honestly I don't know what I'd do if I ever lose my parents. The second would be to forgive your mother, despite everything she's done to you. You have a gold heart, and I'm not lying about this. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is one of the hardest things, like the song **_-Sorry seems to be the hardest word -_**Indeed is like that, yet you'd do it. You'd do a play in a public place for all those who cannot afford to pay for a show. That only means two things: that theater is truly your passion, and you're a caring person who truly cares about people. Needless to say that you'd donate your money to someone who really needs it, that's not something you hear every day and I'm glad that there are still people like you in this world. You're a good person, even if you refuse to believe it. And that thing of going to the beach before dying is very precious; I could feel that peace which you were talking about when I imagined it.**

**I admire you letter-girl. I know you'd think that this's a lie, because no one could admire a person who lied, who pretended to be someone else and that was weak enough to attempt suicide. That would sound wrong if no one had known your story, for all what you went through. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean you did the right thing or that we should all do the same if we were in your situation. You took bad decisions, but I understand you. No matter how many bad decisions you took in your life, what I really admire is how after all you could realize your mistakes and how you didn't give up and you kept going recovering all the hope you thought lost. Not many people can recover after something similar than you have lived. Maybe you still haven't been able to recover completely; it'll be something that will be marked in your life. But you're showing the world that you're strong now and you can be happy being yourself yet. Your story is very breathless and very hard; I really would like that you could have someone who could have helped you at that time. But you had to make it on your own and that's very tough. I know this will sound silly and ridiculous, but I'd like you to imagine that right now I'm hugging you, honestly. I'd like if you could consider me a true friend to you. I appreciate everything you told me; I know it was hard for you. I want you to know that even though our relationship is based only in letters, you really have a friend in Los Angeles that will always be by your side when you need it, a true friend.**

**And here I'm going to answer your only question and I'll be honest. The first time I received your letter, I only answered because I thought you really needed it. I may not want to do it because I had no idea who you were, but your words made me realize that you really needed an answer. So I did it. I thought you were just a teenager with a simple problem, that maybe you were exaggerating. But then I received your second letter. I read that letter several times, behind your simple answers I could notice that something deeper was going on. I never expected from you a letter like that. You described many things in a simply beautiful way with honesty. You added humor to every single thing, but also you said very clever things. I have to admit that you surprised me that time. I hadn't thought about answering you again, as I said, I have a pretty busy life and I couldn't answer all the time your letters. But your second letter made me change my mind. I was really interested to know you more, you seemed a special girl. And you sent me those pictures of San Francisco, that I hadn't even requested, but nevertheless you sent them to me because you really realized what I felt and what I'd like. I noticed you didn't only read my letter, but tried to interpret every word I wrote. And I know it was like that, otherwise you'd never sent those pictures that meant a lot to me. Time passed and I was more interested to know even more about you. And it's true; I've been trying to help you all this time, but this time as a friend. However, I knew there was something I didn't know about you yet. I couldn't understand how someone like you, an amazing person, had been so depressed. How someone who was smart, strong and with clear thinking about life would have felt lost. Because from the first letter you sent me I'd realized that you'd tried to commit suicide. I couldn't understand it. Today I read your letter and I understand all the reasons. And if I have to answer the question, I'd say without thinking that I do this because I like you. This is nuts, I never imagined I'd ever like a person without even meeting her personally. I thought it was something stupid until I got to live it. Today I cannot imagine not writing you, I'm always waiting for your letter to arrive. I don't know what has happened, but I can really say that I've grown attached to you. And I hope you also feel the same. You're a special girl, my mysterious girl.**

**I'll wait your letter again, every time I receive your letter I have a ridiculous goofy smile on my face. There's not a single lie in these words of this goober boy.**

**Warm fuzzies and hugs, the mysterious letter-boy.**

**PS: With this letter I enclose something that means a lot to me and I wanted you to keep it. I know that you're gonna take care about it as much as I did all these years."**

You wiped away the tears that were falling down your face to open the gift that the boy has sent you. It was a somewhat old book. You opened it and you found a lot of pictures of different places and many handwritten phrases. His real name wasn't anywhere, nor were there pictures of people. In the end, there was something written by him that said:

**"My mysterious girl, have this book since I have 12 years old and I've never stopped writing it. I'd like you to continue this book with your own beautiful pictures and quotes. I know that this book is now in good hands. With love, the mysterious boy."**

You kept looking at that old book without being able to stop shedding tears. They were tears of joy. As him, you didn't know what was going on but you've really grown attached to him. It seemed like he was your first real friend. You grabbed the third letter. It was also from the mysterious boy.

**"A week went away and still I have no news from you, my letter-girl. I feel weird to not receive your letters. Let me tell you that I really said honestly all those words in my last letter. I hope you're not mad at me and I hope you've really understood all what I meant. I want to keep talking to you, I really appreciate you. If you're not ready to talk to me because I hurt you somehow, I understand, but I'd like to know.**

**I was about to tell you my real name and send you a picture of me so that way you can know me beyond my letters and words. Forgive me, but I'm not ready. Not because I don't trust you or I don't want you to know how I look. It's because you may know me and I don't want that to change the special relationship we have. I know that if I do it, many things are gonna change and I want to keep talking as we do now. I like you too much to risk everything to change. I hope you understand me.**

**I'd like to hear from you, to know how you are.**

**I know I said that I wasn't yet ready to show you a picture of me, but I bought new clothes thinking of you and I wanted to show you it, so I just took a picture of my body wearing those clothes. Hope you like it!**

**I'll keep waiting for your letter.**

**Warm fuzzies with love, the mysterious letter-boy."**

You opened the picture that he had sent you and you burst out laughing. It was the mysterious boy dressed as Tintin. You thought about someone that you know that could have the physique of him, but you couldn't remember anyone. You may not know him although the two of you have lived in San Francisco. Or perhaps you haven't seen him so often so you couldn't remember someone like him. His body was very attractive. Anew you looked the picture and laughed again. You couldn't believe that he'd bought those clothes. You thought it was the perfect picture to put in the new book.

You grabbed the fourth and last letter. It was also from him.

**"Whoa! It's been three weeks and I still don't know anything about you. I'm worried. Have I said something that has bothered you too much? If so, I'm really sorry. My intention wasn't to make you angry or much less make you feel bad. Please I beg you to answer me, at least ****-**_I don't want to know anything about you anymore._**–**

**I miss your letters, and I miss you like hell. I know it sounds weird, but it really is like that. I love receiving your letters; I love to hear from you, I love reading your words. Wow, dammit. I should stop writing here or I may end up saying something I shouldn't.**

**If this is gonna be the last letter I write you cause you don't want to talk to me anymore, I wanted to give you one last surprise. You'll find it next to the letter. It's called **- _Magic surprise_– **you'll see why I called it like that. Once you told me that you always wanted that but you never had the chance. Well, it's the least I can do for you. Perhaps you've never sought to make me smile, but you've always done so.**

**Never forget that you're a special girl and if you show the world who you really are, as you've done with me, surely you'll achieve everything you want and, more important, you'll be happy.**

**I miss you so freaking much and I hope you're being happy.**

**I adore you, the mysterious letter-boy."**

You stayed startled looking at the letter. You read it once again. Your heart began to beat faster when you read the way he ended the letter. "I miss you" and "I adore you". You couldn't remember the last time someone had said those words to you. You took the letter to your chest, imagining you were hugging that mysterious guy. You admitted that you've really grown attached to him and it was only through letters. You thought you had to answer him immediately, but then you remembered that he'd sent you something. It was a small envelope that said "Magic surprise" with a smiley face drawn. You opened it and when you looked it, you squealed. You were stunned. The envelope contained a ticket to Disneyland, and the ticket was anonymous. You didn't even know you could do something like that. The envelope also had two small notes. You grabbed one that said "Note number one".

**"Surprised? I'd love to see if you're smiling right now, I wonder how your smile is. I knew you always wanted to go to Disneyland but you'd never had the chance, so this is my surprise. I hope you're happy. Don't worry about anything, I've arranged with the hotel where you'll sleep, the food and the tour. You might want to check out the gift shop too. You have just to ask for the mysterious letter-boy and you'll find a surprise there. You won't have any kind of problem at the airport by submitting an anonymous ticket. I've already talked to 'em, all you have to do is to bring the ticket and the note that says -**_note number two_- **In the hotel and in the restaurant you only have to say these magic words** - _The mysterious letter-boy has sent me to know the magical world of Disneyland_ - **When they hear that, they'll guide you. Everything is paid, so just enjoy your first magical trip to Disneyland and have a blast! Wee!"**

You covered your mouth with your hand, surprised, terrified and excited at the same time. He wasn't only trying to fulfill one of your dreams, but also organized and paid absolutely everything. You couldn't accept it. You knew it was a lot of money and you simply couldn't give yourself the luxury of accepting what that boy had done for you. It was too much. _Holy Crap_. You thought. Surely that boy only did so because he thought you were mad at him. It was time to answer the letter, to explain why you hadn't answered his letters before and return the ticket and everything. As soon as you grabbed a pen and paper, you noticed that on the back of the small envelope where it was the ticket he'd written something else. You came closer to see what it said.

**"Don't you dare for anything in the fucking world to give me it back. I'm doing this because I really want and I'm gonna feel disappointed if you don't accept it. Please just enjoy the trip and not worry about the expense. Again, don't you dare to give me it back if you don't want to make me feel sad."**

It seemed as if the boy could read your mind and knew exactly how you'd react. At this point, you didn't know what the hell to do. Of course you wanted to go, but you weren't sure to accept the gift. And what was written on the back of the envelope... you thought for a while and then your face lit up with a smile. You decided to accept the gift, but you were going to repay all that he gave you. You didn't have much money to buy something or to give him a gift of the same magnitude. But you could do something by yourself. You spent that day to do a gift for him and, before dark, you went to Central Park, exactly where he told you to go.

The place was really beautiful. You stopped to see it for a while and you took some pictures. After a few minutes, you found the tree he told you about. You knew it was that one because definitely it highlighted among others. You went over there and sat, resting your back against the trunk of the tree to begin to answer the letter to this guy who couldn't stop surprising you.

**"This is history. An ordinary day, a random girl decided to move to NYC. The girl didn't know what was going to find there, she was scared because she was going to live a new experience, far from everything that she was used. She was leaving behind a past to restart a new phase of her life. The day she had to move to NYC, the girl was full of expectations, nerves and excitement. However, there was something that wasn't right. There was something that worried her that made her feel sad and melancholy. But the girl thought it was the best she could do. It wasn't until a few days ago when she realized that she hadn't taken a good decision. But before she could change the situation, in her daily life came up an extraordinary event, unusual and definitely she had to take it. Thus, the girl couldn't do anything about it before she left on a trip with her new teammates for two weeks. When the girl returned from the trip, she encountered a situation that surprised her. It seemed as if all that was worrying her had disappeared. The girl found herself in her apartment reading three letters full of surprises that made her smile widely and that filled her with emotion. After all that had happened, a mysterious boy, very important to her, had written to her. However, the girl thought she definitely had to explain to this mysterious boy everything she felt.**

**Thus, today, after two weeks, I'm answering your letters. I really wanted to apologize for my last letter. At the time I'd written it, I was feeling a lot of feelings as a result of have finally told someone what had happened to me. You're the first person I've told it, all this time I'd kept it to myself. Consequently, I didn't know how to handle my feelings. It was like reliving that time and it was too much for me. But don't get me wrong, I really felt a lot better when I was finally able to trust someone so much to tell my story. I feel good, very good, to have told all of this to you. You have no idea what it meant for me to know that behind these papers and words there's someone who really was interested to know how I was, why I was like this and who was concerned about me. It was a very odd feeling to know that someone really cared about me, that I misunderstood the whole situation. I thought you were doing it only because you were feeling forced to do so, because the truth is that no one had ever shown interest in trying to understand and help me, not by compassion but by friendship. I didn't want to feel like that, it was something I couldn't understand. And I left the fear beat me. But when I realized what the real situation was, it was too late. I already had sent you the letter and I had to go traveling. The truth is I never wanted to stop writing you because... I really enjoy this, and I'm happy to know I'm not alone.**

**You never had to blame for anything, and I really think you're crazy if you think you've done something wrong. All this time, everything you've always done was ... magnificent, unique. And I'm not ashamed to admit that what you've done for me no one would have. I really found a real special friend in you and I hope you feel the same when you think about me. That's why today I'm here, sitting in that big tree near the Gapstow Bridge over the Pond, answering you. I never wanted to lose you either let you go, you're really important to me. And the truth is I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't receive yours news from that letter onwards. This is like... our thing.**

**Never, never ever, I'll be able to thank all you've done for me, all you've given me. I'll never be able to thank you enough for making me feel the way you make me feel. As if I was really loved by someone, as if I were really special to someone. Maybe it isn't like this, but it's the way you make me feel and the reason that gave me strength to keep going on. I don't want you to feel again as if you were to blame for something I did wrong. Your words, in the last letters that you sent me ... it moved me. I also like you, so much.**

**Your words, your surprises, the piano lessons through letters, the book of pictures and phrases, the trip to Disneyland. You've done a lot for me and hopefully I'll find a way to make you feel the same way you made me feel. It's too much; you've done too much for me. I'll definitely take care of your book and I'll keep doing it, it's something we share now. And I hope that in future I can show you the book and... We could finish it together, remembering all that is embodied there, telling our experiences. It's a great book and the fact of knowing that it's very important to you and you're sharing it with me, makes me feel... blissfully happy.**

**On the other hand, the trip to Disneyland. Definitely it's a lot. I was seriously considering not accepting it. But somehow you knew what my reaction would be and you had to write that on the back of the envelope. You left me thinking for hours about what to do. The minute I read that if I give it back to you, you were going to feel sad... How could you have said that? Goddammit! You really know exactly what you have to say, don't you? I don't want to make you feel sad, but I cannot accept it. What the hell am I supposed to do? So I decided to accept your gift, but in return I have a surprise for you. I know it's not of the magnitude that your surprise is, but at least it's a simple way to say thanks. Wow. You don't know what all of this means to me.**

**I can definitely say that with all your letters I laughed, cried, smiled, I felt touched and I thought. Even though they're simple letters, is the most real thing I've ever had. So you have no reason to think that I'm gonna stop writing you. I cannot do that.**

**Alright, sir mysterious letter-boy, though I don't know your real name and I couldn't see your face, I know how you look dressed as Tintin and I'm seriously thinking that you're the real Tintin. I think I've guessed your true identity. I can't believe you did it! I couldn't stop laughing. My tummy hurt so fucking much!**

**On the other hand, I've been practicing a lot to play the song on the keyboard. I still have trouble, but I feel more relaxed. So with this letter I'll attach a CD with my progress, Mr. Professor. I hope to get a good score.**

**Anyway, it's getting dark and I'm sitting in a tree, so I think I'll end this letter. Besides, I have to get ready for my trip to Disneyland!**

**Thank you very much for everything from the bottom of my heart.**

**I've missed you too.**

**I adore you, the mysterious letter-girl."**

You finished your letter and you came back to your apartment to pack your suitcase. It'd be a great weekend and everything thanks to that mysterious boy who you liked... a lot.

* * *

_THREE DAYS LATER…_

* * *

You arrived to your apartment as a small child exhausted after spending the best weekend of her life at Disneyland. You had a magical experience and your mind went round and round trying to realize that nothing had been a dream, you've actually been to Disneyland, the place you've always wanted to go. The mysterious guy definitely had planned and prepared absolutely everything. And as he said, when you went to the gift shop and you asked for him, a surprise was waiting for you. You got shocked when the man who was attending the store sought a huge Simba's stuffed and gave it to you along with a note.

**"My favorite letter-girl, this's a simple gift to make you feel accompanied during the trip with one of the best friends in the world, the great Simba, since I cannot be there with you as much as I'd love to. I hope you enjoy your super magical journey at Disneyland! I adore you wholeheartedly, the mysterious letter-boy."**

It was a very special gift considering he knew how much you liked the Lion King. Besides, he'd said he'd love to be there with you, what made your heart beat faster of happiness. You were eager to meet him, to know how he looked, to finally be able to give him that hug you've always wanted. But you knew that wasn't going to happen. You wanted to meet him, but you knew the guy wasn't even ready to tell his name; much less he was going to be ready to meet you personally. That made you feel a little sad. You didn't know how to explain what you felt for him and you couldn't understand why you felt that way when you were thinking about him. Would you be falling in love with that mysterious guy? No, that would be impossible. You both only knew each other by letters, it made no sense. Quickly you cleared up those thoughts from your mind.

When you arrived to your apartment you were hoping to find a letter from that mysterious guy in response to your last letter, but you didn't find anything. Surely he was busy and after all, it had only been three days. However, you decided to grab a pen and paper to tell the mysterious boy how your trip was, to thank him, and to send him some pictures you had taken.

**"Oh my fucking God, letter-boy! How dare you! I just came back from the most extraordinary trip of my entire life! I cannot believe it! I'm totally excited and tired and all at the same time!**

**Simba has been a good fellow for my entire trip. I think he likes me. As soon as I saw your surprise, I can swear that I was stunned for several minutes without being able to react. Then I remembered I was in a crowded place and I was bothering people who wanted to buy gifts. But at that moment I didn't give a shit about anything, only were Simba and I and my extreme happiness. Simba had to be? Damn, you really know how to surprise me, don't you?**

**I cannot explain the shame that I had when I had to say those magical words in the hotel and the restaurant. I hesitated several times before saying them, I thought I'd look like an insane and creepy person and they'd take me to the magical prision of Disneyland. But after thinking for a while I did it. It wouldn't be so bad to spend the rest of the weekend in a magical prison, but I was fucking starving and sleepy. But none of that happened, they looked at me with a smile and guided me all the time. The hotel was great for god sake! And the food you chose for me? Oh, it was very delicious.**

**And then the tour. I don't know if I should hate you, if I should love you, if I should hit you in the balls or hug you very tight. I cannot believe you managed to force me to dress up as Ariel and parade in front of millions of people. It was so freaking embarrassing, but gradually several people joined me with other costumes and I even got a Prince Eric! It was wonderful! I'm attaching a picture where I'm with Prince Eric! Don't freak out; you'll only see my costume and my long red hair.**

**Right now I'm with my best friend Simba, both of us very exhausted but happier than ever! Thank you very much for everything you've done for me, for giving me the happiest memory of my life. As a token of my great gratitude, I bought something in the gift shop for you. I think you'll like it!**

**I'm sure if you'd been there with me, you'd have had a blast! Because ... guess what happened? I got to fly on the magic flying carpet with Aladdin! Oh my god, it felt so real! I swear I'll never be able to forget this moment!**

**Thank you for absolutely everything, for giving me a magical trip in nothing more and nothing less than Disneyland!**

**I send you lots of hugs and lots of love.**

**I adore you, the mysterious letter-girl."**

You finished the letter and you went to sleep, still thinking of the perfect trip you've ever had. Thinking about that mysterious boy.

* * *

_THREE WEEKS LATER…_

* * *

You woke up with the ringing sound of your apartment. Many blurry images drew in your mind, still unable to distinguish dream from reality. You had an intense dream, with that mysterious guy. You've already dreamed about him before but you'd never had a dream like this. You were walking down a street in NYC alone. There was no one around you and you couldn't hear any noise, until you heard how someone in the distance started playing the piano the song that the mysterious guy was teaching you. You tried to follow the path where the sound of the piano was coming to find that person that was playing; you needed to know who he was. The sound was getting louder as you approached. And there was that person, dressed as Tintin, playing the piano. His head was covered, you couldn't see it. You approached him and sat alongside him to play the piano together. When the song ended you looked toward the boy who still had his head covered. The boy came up and he slowly put his hands on your waist, resting what seemed to be his forehead against yours. He whispered in front your lips a few words you couldn't remember, but you knew it was a good thing because you felt how your body was carried away by those words. You wrapped your arms around his neck just at the time he moved closer to kiss your lips, a deep kiss. You felt how the boy began to rub your inner thigh while still kissing you, even more deeply, exploring your mouth with his tongue. But suddenly the doorbell woke you up. You heard the bell a second time and you decided to get up and open the door. A new letter had arrived, from the mysterious boy.

**"I'm so super sorry that it took me a long time answering your letter, I've been kind of busy. But woooow! Definitely you lit up my day like a motha fuckin' lamp when I received your letters. I wasn't expecting it because I thought you didn't want to keep doing this, but you explained everything and I couldn't help feeling a super big extremely happiness to hear from you. I was really worried about losing a person like you.**

**It seems that someone had a blast in her magical trip in Disneyland! You look so beautiful as Ariel and I must admit I felt jealous seeing how Prince Eric was holding you in his arms. I mean... poor Simba was alone for a while, I guess he felt a little sad to see how you ditched him for a few minutes, but I guess he's very happy now to be with you, I mean of course he must be happy because you might give him love and all, I mean after all is Simba. Whoa, I'm rambling. Fuck. Let's start again. I'm happy to know that Simba has someone like you and you looked stunning as Ariel. I cannot believe you've gifted me that. How dare you? Really? The magic lamp of Aladdin Genie? I was so excited like a toddler as soon as I saw it, I rubbed it to see if the genie appears and give me three wishes, but none of that has happened. Then I thought that I couldn't be so stupid! Blink, blink man! Of course the genius is you! Duh! So I have to ask three wishes and you have to grant me those wishes. Throughout the letter I'll be asking these three wishes. Let's see how good genius you can be.**

**I can't believe you've returned me my book. As soon as I saw it back, I have to admit that I felt somewhat disappointed and rejected in some way. But then I opened it and saw all the new pictures and phrases that you've added. I also read what you wrote and I liked your idea of taking turns to continue doing the book together. You don't stop surprising me, my letter-girl! Definitely the picture that I liked the most is the one of that large tree in Central Park where I used to go when I was in NYC; I didn't realize how much I missed this place until I saw the picture. Who knows maybe one day we can go there together.**

**I saw your awesome progress in the song that I assigned to you to practice playing the keyboard. You've really come a long way, only a few mistakes at the end of the song, you left out a few notes. But you did very well and I'm impressed how you learned so quickly. It's time to think of a second song to give you. As a teacher I'm very demanding, so you should feel very proud of yourself for this!**

**Here is my first wish, genie lamp, or in this case genie letter... I'd like you to go to Central Park this Saturday at 4pm, to that large tree near Gapstow Bridge over The Pond. Maybe something could surprise you! This is my first wish and I hope it can be fulfilled.**

**It's time of the second wish... I'd like that before Saturday you go to the Moschino's store in 803 Madison Ave between 67th and 68th St. Say these words****-**_The__large tree is waiting for me and I have to find it_**- Just say those words and you'll get a new outfit. That's the clothes you have to wear when you go to Central Park this Saturday at 4pm.**

**And my third and last wish. I want this Saturday at 4pm you absolutely follow every single track. It's very important to follow all the tracks in order without exception. Got it?**

**Don't answer me this letter until I send you a new letter. I won't be in Los Angeles because of work, so don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a while. I'm gonna miss you, but something tells me it won't be for long.**

**There's something I wanna tell you... all this time we've been talking, actually we've been writing, it was very special to me. You've become the person I trust the most. Even though I haven't told you many things about me, I told you things I've never told anyone. But with you I feel different, I feel comfortable telling you my personal things. I'm blissful to have received your letter that day. For some reason your letter came to me and not someone else. I always wonder why it came to me of all people in the world, but honestly I'm glad it's been this way. I'll never understand why your letter came to me, why I decided to answer it, why I decided to share things with you. But I don't regret absolutely nothing about what I did, because this way I got to know someone super lovely as you are. I know we don't know each other personally or we don't even know our real names, but that doesn't mean I cannot love you the way I do. It took me a long time to take this decision, but I realized that if I don't take the risk now, then I never will. I have no idea what's gonna happen next, I have no idea how our relationship is gonna continue. I'm fucking scared that things will change, but I thought maybe things can change for the better. I want to take the next step; I want to know you more. I want to meet that person that makes me feel happy and special and who makes my heart go wee every time I think about that person. I'm ready.**

**Fulfill my wishes, my adorable letter-girl.**

**Sending you my love and forever saying I adore you wholeheartedly, the mysterious letter-boy."**

You finished reading the letter slightly frowning, but with an expression of fun at the same time. He'd asked for three wishes, three unusual wishes. They weren't wishes for him, but were wishes for you. It was so weird. You trusted him, but all that happened in this last time was just weird and you had to admit that you didn't know any longer what you were doing. But there was no way he'll do something bad to you. You just weren't used to this sort of things. But, after all, you weren't even used to write very intense letters to a total stranger and however, everything went well. Everything was going more than good. You'd found two people who became special people to you, and they were always there for you. True friends. And you didn't feel this way since a long time ago.

You stayed long time thinking, sitting on the edge of your bed. You decided to fulfill those odd wishes that the boy had asked you. You trusted him very much and you knew that his intentions were good as always.

Slowly you lay in your bed again to think what he meant by his words "I'm ready."

* * *

_SATURDAY, 4PM…_

* * *

You were nervous, standing next to that large tree, wearing a black silk dress with a red heart on the chest that you had got in the clothing store that the mysterious boy had mentioned to you. You didn't know what to do or what you were waiting for. You stayed there just standing looking around. Lot of people was walking around you, but nobody seemed to notice your presence. You looked at your wristwatch to check the time. 4:30 pm. No one approached you, it seemed that nothing important would happen, there was no indication of some kind of track. You thought that maybe the guy just had sent you there to enjoy some time in that special place. You thought to lay against the tree trunk, but you didn't want to screw up the dress. You looked the time again. 4:50 pm. Definitely nothing was going to happen, otherwise you'd have already found the first track. Why would he mention tracks to follow if after 50 minutes nothing appeared?

You decided to go back to your apartment until a person dressed as Tintin appeared in front of you. You looked at him with wide eyes and laughed inside. That definitely had to be the first track. No one who was sane would have used those clothes in the middle of Central Park, but for you it meant something. The person dressed as Tintin smiled at you and, without saying anything, gave you a little note.

**"Well, well. You've found out the first track and if you're reading this because you're really fulfilling my wishes and you're making me super happy. Follow the man dressed as Tintin. He'll take you somewhere."**

You finished reading the note with a smile and you looked up to see that man dressed as Tintin. The man smiled at you and he took your arm to guide you. He led you straight to the bridge. You didn't know exactly what you were doing there or why he stopped in the middle of the bridge. But you got it after the man pointed to the lake. At first you found nothing and frowned. But then, you paid more attention and saw how a small boat was approaching. You bit your lower lip to try to hold the smile as the evidence that you were having fun. When the boat was close enough, the person who was in it, a young woman with blond hair gave you a second note. You received it, and when you turned to see the man dressed as Tintin, you realized he was gone. Confused, you opened the note to read it.

**"This is the second track. From now on you'll have to go it alone. Walk across the bridge and take the path to the right. In the first bench you find, stop and sit there for a few minutes. Something unexpected will happen and you'll realize how to continue."**

Fun and surprised, you did exactly what the note said. You looked at the first bench, which was empty, but nothing unusual seemed to happen and there was no note. You sat and looked around you. No sign of something unexpected. After a few minutes, you heard the sound of a well-known song. It was the song the mysterious boy was teaching you to play on the keyboard. You covered your mouth with your hand in response to your surprise. That song meant a lot to you and you knew that this was that something unexpected that would happen. You closed your eyes for a moment enjoying the song, enjoying what that boy had done for you. You couldn't believe it; you had never before experienced something like this. Neither you could understand how the boy managed to do such things to surprise you. You were really a very lucky girl to have known that mysterious guy. You opened your eyes slowly when the song ended. However you remained seated, enjoying that wonderful thing that had happened to you.

Something that was happening around you, made you get attention and divert your gaze to a group of teenagers who were around a person. You stayed watching them for a while until some people went away and you could see around who those teenagers were. Your eyes widened at the sight of a person who you admired so much. Your eyes couldn't believe that they were seeing, in the middle of Central Park, Darren Criss. There he was, smiling and talking a bit with those people as he signed some autographs and took some pictures with them. Soon you approached the group. You've always wanted to meet Darren Criss and take a picture with him. Normally you weren't used to be a fan of any celebrity, but he was different. You really admired his songs and you enjoyed seeing his performances, especially his performances as Harry Potter in AVPM and AVPS. A big smile was drawn on your face when finally several people had moved away and you had the perfect chance to get a picture with him and tell him what you thought about his songs.

Darren Criss looked at you with a smile and came over to sign you an autograph as he had done with the others. You stayed looking straight into his beautiful hazel colored eyes, still surprised to finally have met him. Darren Criss stood looking at you with his pen in hand, waiting until you give him something where he could sign. At that time you stopped looking at him into his eyes to realize that you had no paper on where he could sign. You searched in your pocket one of the notes that the mysterious guy made sure you could receive, so Darren could sign there. Darren looked at you with a smile and signed on the paper that you had given him. You just looked into his eyes, wanting to say what you thought about his songs, but nothing came out of your mouth. When Darren looked up to you after signing his autograph, he said a few words.

_**"That's a very nice dress."**_Darren said, smiling. You just stood looking at him and smiled, blushing a little. For some reason, you couldn't say anything and you cursed yourself for being so fucking stupid.

_**"Th-thank y-you."**_You stuttered andit was the only thing you could reply and you looked down at the ground, ashamed and shaking your head for acting so foolishly.

_**"Are you okay?"**_Darren asked gently, resting his hand on your shoulder. You shuddered at his touch and nodded. _**"Well, you don't look as if you were feeling fine. C'mon, come with me. **__**It's kind of freezing out here and a good hot cup of coffee could help"**_Darren smiled at you and you, surprised and widening your eyes as soon as you heard his words, you followed him when he started walking.

It was something you never would have imagined that it was going to happen to you. You couldn't miss the chance to walk alongside Darren Criss, even though you couldn't say any fucking word. Along the way, something stopped you. A person walked right up to you to give you another note. You looked at her surprised and you couldn't ask anything to her because the person moved away swiftly. Quickly, you opened the note to read it; while Darren stood beside you, looking at you and frowning slightly.

**"I'm ready to finally get to know each other personally. If you're reading this note is because you're still in Central Park and I'm there too, waiting for you. Just look around and find me."**

Your jaw fell off after reading the note, surprised and you started feeling nerves, fear and excitement at the same time. Your body began to tremble when you realized that you were about to meet that mysterious boy you loved. You looked around, in all directions, trying to find some kind of hint or clue. There was nothing around you that could help you to find out who the person was. How were you going to realize who the mysterious guy was? You didn't even know how he looked like or his real name.

"_**Are you fine? You look a little...concerned and surprised. What's that note? **__**Is it something bad?"**_ Darren said softly by your side making you startle. You'd forgotten that he was at your side. You nodded, but you didn't change the expression on your face, still looking around _**"Alright, if you say so. C'mon, let's go to get that coffee, it seems you really need it."**_

You kept walking alongside Darren Criss, taking advantage of this chance. But suddenly, you stopped sharply. You couldn't do that. Even though you had always wanted to meet Darren Criss and this was a chance that never again would happen in your life, get to know that mysterious guy personally was more important. Darren turned as soon as he realized that you weren't following him anymore.

_**"I'm so sorry, Darren. As much as I'm gonna regret later because I didn't take this chance I have now to get to know you and that I'll probably never have again, I can't go get that coffee. I'm... I'm waiting for someone that is very important to me. But I really wanted to say I'm very happy to finally have met you, have met that man who has probably the best songs in the world and that always makes me smile with his performances, interviews and words. It's truly been a pleasure having met you and it's like... like a dream. I hope you can achieve everything you set your mind and... And I'm sure you will, because you're so talented." **_You finally said to Darren, smiling and looking into his eyes.

"_**Whoa! Well, yeah. I totally understand. Well, it was nice to meet you too and thank you for your words. **__**That person you're waiting for... is a lucky person"**_ Darren smiled and turned to keep walking while you went to the bench where you were sitting minutes earlier.

You stayed a while there, looking around. That was the ideal time for the mysterious guy to come over where you were. That's why he'd forced you to wear that dress, you thought, that way he could recognize you in some way and find you. You grabbed the note where Darren had signed the autograph to read it.

"**To my favorite letter-girl. With love, from the bottom of my heart. The mysterious letter-boy usually known as Darren Criss."**

You kept looking at the autograph, with your mouth open in surprise. All this time the mysterious letter-boy was Darren Criss. Your mind started thinking about everything at full speed, everything seemed to make sense. The ring that Darren was wearing when he signed the autograph was the same ring of those hands that played the piano for you, the wristwatch of Tintin that Darren was wearing was a clear evidence of the several times he talked about Tintin. His lack of time, because he was always busy for work. The times he mentioned that maybe you might recognize him. When he said that he was devoted to music and acting. When he mentioned all the instruments that he could play. The fact that he lived in San Francisco and now in Los Angeles. His obsession with Disney and Harry Potter, the apple juice. His weird sense of humor. The important debut he talked about, Broadway you thought. Even you remembered the phrases that he'd told you-_There's nothing more badass than being yourself_ - and even he mentioned you his own song and your favorite one - _You're not alone cause you're here with me_ –Damn and holy shit! Everything had been so obvious and so discreet at the same time. Some tears started falling down your face when you realized that finally you'd known the identity of that mysterious guy that you loved, and you realized that it was Darren Criss. You just couldn't believe it. Your body couldn't stop shaking and you felt how your legs were weakened preventing you to stand.

You finally lifted your sight to look in the direction where you and Darren Criss, the mysterious boy, had been standing minutes earlier. Darren was no longer there. You looked in all directions until you decided to look behind you. Darren was there leaning against a tree looking at you fondly with a big and bright smile on his face, his hands in his pockets. You both looked into each other's eyes for a while until Darren shrugged still with a bright smile on his face. You stood up and ran toward him, while tears of joy were coming out of your eyes.

"_**I'm so happy to have met you finally. I know I took the right decision." **_Darren said, caressing your cheek with a smile._**"And wow, you're really beautiful in in every way, just as I always thought."**_

There were the two of you, the mysterious letter-boy and the mysterious letter-girl, giving each other that hug that you both had always wanted. Nothing mattered but only you and him, feeling the love you felt to each other. You'd taken a step in your relationship through letters and you knew that nothing could go wrong, now that you had each other.


	2. Chapter 2

_You and Darren have met each other in a very unusual way. You were scared to meet each other in person, but after sharing a lot of things, you decided that maybe getting known each other in person wouldn't be a bad idea. But meeting someone in person isn't always that easy, and less when you're used to talk through letters. Would you be able to face all the obstacles? Would you be able to keep your special friendship? Would you be able to risk everything to take a step? When you get to know a person, you never know what your heart could feel. Your life with Darren Criss, once again._

A/N: Okay guys, some of you asked me to write the second part of the chapter "Chain Letters" because you really wanted to know how they'd end up. I didn't think about writing a second part, but finally I decided to write it, considering your wishes. Thank you very much for all your reviews that helped me a lot to find the courage to keep writing. Now, enjoy the second part of Chain Letters!

* * *

Chain Letters. Part 2.

* * *

_**"So ... My suggestion about going out for coffee remains, you know?"**_ Darren said once you stopped hugging each other. _**"And... if we don't move from here soon we're gonna freeze and we're gonna go from being the mysterious letter-boy and mysterious letter-girl to become statues of ice. Not that I think that the ice sculptures are ugly, but I'd rather to live a little longer, I mean if you're an ice sculpture you cannot move and I don't want that because my biggest fear is to turn into an inanimate object and... …"**_ Darren started rambling and you couldn't hold your laughter. You could safely say that Darren wrote all his letters while things were arising in his mind.

"_**Darren, Darren… you're rambling just like in your letters!"**_ You said, this time laughing eloquently. _**"Of course I'd like to go for a coffee. After all, coffee is my addiction" **_You said, smiling slightly.

**"_Perfect! __I hope you don't mind to go to Starbucks, but there's the place where they have the most fucking delicious Peanut Butter Mini Cupcake. And definitely I need to eat a cupcake and this time not to throw it at walls or at some random people."_**Darren laughed and stopped lying on the tree to stand firmly.

** "_I don't mind at all. I love Starbucks."_ **

**_"Alright, let's go? Or will we stay here until a horse-drawn carriage that used to be a pumpkin comes to pick us up?" _**Darren said mockingly and you nodded, laughing slightly.

You started to walk towards the nearest Starbucks store, walking next to each other. Now that was weird. You felt much observed although people weren't looking at you but they were looking at the man next to you. Damn, you were walking alongside Darren Criss. How very insane was this? Of course you knew the boy who was walking by your side. You'd shared so much together and were true friends; even he'd stated that in his letters. But this guy was Darren Criss. Darren Criss? Really? He'd mentioned that your relationship might change once you know who he was. Well, he was right. Your relationship wasn't going to ever be the same, yet you couldn't tell if that change would be good or bad. You loved that mysterious guy who sent you letters, but you admired Darren Criss. You couldn't help to fangirl every time you looked at him. You couldn't make the idea that Darren and the mysterious boy were the same person. How were you going to be able to be friends with someone who was your idol? How were you supposed to act naturally with someone who was famous, even though you loved him and knew intimate things about him? You were scared, because you didn't know how to react, what to do with him. He'd said he was ready to meet you personally, but maybe you weren't. Perhaps you'd rushed to meet each other personally so fast, perhaps first you should have known from pictures. You weren't waiting for anything in the world that the mysterious guy could be a famous person, not to mention that he was a person you admired. The situation wasn't normal, and suddenly you started to feel nervous and uncomfortable. You weren't supposed to feel that way with that guy who was your friend. Suddenly you regretted of having known that mysterious guy. You felt weird, uncomfortable and nervous next to Darren Criss and it wasn't supposed to be like that. You looked at him furtively, he was smiling broadly. Why was he happy, relaxed and comfortable with you while you were feeling the opposite? You kept walking at his side, looking down. God, you had no idea what you were doing. Maybe you should go, saying you weren't ready to do this. But your mind stopped thinking about all these things when you felt how Darren intertwined his arm with yours. You shuddered at his touch. You weren't sure if you wanted to walk next to him that way, but you did nothing about it because it just felt good.

**"**_**It's really freezing!**"_ Darren said, coming closer to you to gain a little more heat. You just smiled shyly.

You walked for a while, in a really uncomfortable silence. Crap, you wanted to go far away from there. You were confused and you needed time to think about what had happened. When you first saw him and gave him that hug, you thought you'd made a good decision, that nothing could go wrong because you've finally met the guy who you loved. But as you were walking, you started to realize in whose presence you were, you were in the presence of someone famous and you weren't used to be observed by everyone in the direction where you were. All your life you'd been ignored, and suddenly drawing attention like that made you feel uncomfortable. It was all very odd. You wanted to turn back time and be two strangers exchanging letters again. You wanted to go back intime where Darren Criss was your idol, and not a person with whom you'd shared many intimate secrets. For god sake, Darren Criss knew all the bad decisions that you'd taken, and you'd never imagined to know Darren Criss that way. You always thought that you wanted to meet him and become his friend was a dream, but not this way. He knew many things from you and you felt ashamed. And why the hell was Darren Criss smiling brightly? This wasn't going well. Suddenly, a group of people came up to where you were. You didn't know where to hide. You quickly loosen up his arm and put your hands in your pockets. Darren couldn't look at you with a confused expression, because the fans were already asking for autographs and pictures. You took a step back to let Darren sign those autographs. You started to think that this wasn't what you wanted; you weren't able to talk to him quietly because you'd always be interrupted by fans. Damn, you quickly thought you were being very selfish. How could you think such things? You frowned and looked at the floor, cursing yourself for being so stupid. When Darren finished signing autographs and people around him walked away, he turned to look at you with a smile.

** "_I'm sorry about that. Let's go our way?"_** Darren said, intertwining his arm again with yours. You loosen up his arm and looked down, nervous. **_"Is there something wrong?"_**Darren asked gently, but a little confused.

**"_Y-yes…I mean, no. There's nothing wrong. It's just...just..."_** You stammered and took a long breath before speaking. **_"Is that I just remembered I have an event. And if I don't go now, I'm gonna be late. Maybe we could give up coffee for another day. Sorry, but really I have to go to this event."_**

**** **"_Uhm…yeah, sure I understand."_** Darren said, his voice sounded disappointed and confused. **_"Sure, we can go get that coffee another day. I'm gonna stay in NYC for a couple of days, so yeah. Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?"_**

**"_Oh no, it's alright. It was...nice to meet you, Darren. Now I'm sorry I have to go! __I'm in a hurry!" _**You told him almost slurred and quickly you kissed his cheek, hurriedly turning away from him.

** "_Hey, wait!"_**You heard how Darren yelled behind you, but you didn't stop.

You walked away from him as fast as you could, and within minutes you were in your apartment, lying in bed. You buried your head on your pillow in frustration. You couldn't understand why you felt this way, if you had always imagined what it'd be your meeting with the mysterious boy. But nothing that you'd imagined has happened. Because obviously, you'd never imagined that mysterious boy was Darren Criss. You were acting in a stupid way and you knew it, but you didn't like this odd situation.

Finally you fell asleep, thinking that definitely you both had rushed in meeting. And that perhaps you'd taken a wrong decision.

* * *

_THE NEXT DAY…_

* * *

You woke up with swollen eyes from crying. Still dressed in your pajamas and without comb, you went to make coffee. You sat down to drink it on the bar, still thinking about your encounter with Darren Criss. You felt bad for leaving him like that, because before you went away you could see a look of sadness on Darren's face. Would he have realized that you were going away because of him? You felt extremely bad for lying to that guy who helped you so much all this time.

"_**You're the most fucking stupid and dumbest girl in the whole universe!**__**Dammit."**_ You said to yourself, upset with yourself.

Darren didn't deserve being treated that way. You'd been very selfish in thinking only about how you felt and not thought about how Darren could have come to feel. You preferred to flee than face the shame and fear that you felt, you hadn't learned anything. You thought you'd changed, but it wasn't like that. You still were that scary girl who cannot face her own feelings. And Darren... he'd always been so nice to you, and was this the way you were thanking him? –_You're so stupid_. – It'd taken a long time to Darren taking this decision, he was afraid that if you both get to know each other, it'd change everything between you. But yet he dared to take the decision, he was hopeful that everything goes well. But none of that had mattered to you. You never thought that probably Darren would be feeling bad and guilty for ruining everything. And he wasn't guilty; you were to blame for screwing all this for fear. – _You're pathetic_ – The worst of all was that you weren't going to be able to ask forgiveness because you weren't going to see him again, because in your haste to flee from him you hadn't asked where he was staying or what his phone number was. You were going to have to send a letter and you had no idea when he'd be able to read it. Suddenly you started to feel a desperate fear. What if after all of this Darren wouldn't want to talk to you for your childish and stupid behavior? What if after all of this you had lost Darren forever? Oh, wow. You were panicking. As much as you weren't ready to spend time with him personally, you didn't want to lose that guy who definitely had changed your life.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the ringing sound of your department. Lazily, you rose from the chair to go open the door. Surely it was the postman with a letter from April. Before opening the door, you looked yourself in the mirror. Shit, you looked like crap. Your eyes were swollen, the tip of your nose was a little red and you were completely disheveled and in pajamas. Definitely you looked pathetic. You tried to fix your hair a little and you didn't change clothes, because definitely you weren't going to let the postman to see your outfit. You opened the door slowly and your face automatically reflected surprise and horror as soon as you saw the person standing in the hallway. You quickly hid your body behind the door and you started to blush, you felt your face burning.

"_**What the hell are you doing here?"**_ You asked in horror, your voice trembling.

_**"Sorry, I know I shouldn't come here without warning. But anyway, I had no way to let you know that I was coming since yesterday it seemed that you'd turned into a rocketship considering how fast you ran away. And... well, I had your address from the letters that you had sent to me and... and I really wish I could talk to you. Can I come in?"**_ Darren said, looking at you with puppy dog eyes. God, he was so adorable. But you could notice some sadness in his voice, unlike yesterday.

"_**Uhm…uhm…"**_ You started to stammer nervously. _**"Yeah…yeah, sure."**_

You opened the door wider to let Darren to come in into your apartment. Why the hell were you doing that? Why were you letting Darren to come in? Fuck. You looked like shit. And you were still in your teddy bears pajamas. Shit. This was very embarrassing. Darren came in shyly and he glanced at you from head to toe, smiling a little amused.

"_**Someone is looking good today."**_ Darren said, laughing softly and winking at you.

"_**Oh holy crap."**_ You answered, blushing. _**"Please take a seat. I'm going back in a few seconds... I need... I have to change my clothes. Be right back."**_

"_**Okay, try not to lose your way. And don't let the bears be sad once you leave them."**_ Darren joked.

"_**Oh shut up. Be right back."**_ You said and you went to your bedroom while you saw how Darren sat on the couch, looking everything around.

You quickly locked in your room and searched something to wear. Your hands were shaking with nerves and fear. Damn, you couldn't believe that he has seen you so disastrous. Finally you grabbed clothing and you looked in the mirror to fix your face. You grabbed the make-up to try to hide your eyes red and swollen and you got a bit of perfume. Then you kept looking in the mirror for a while. On the one hand, you felt relieved that Darren was there because you were going to be able to ask forgiveness. But on the other hand, you were feeling terrified. He told you he wanted to talk to you, and you had no idea what he wanted to talk to you. Well, actually you knew what he wanted to talk about; of course it'd be about what happened yesterday. But you didn't know if he was going to say something good or something bad. As he could tell you that he understood, he could also tell he was disappointed by the immature way you acted and that you weren't what he thought you were, that maybe the best would be to finish with all contact. God, you didn't want that. You didn't want to stop talking to him although now all you wanted was to take things slowly, trying to assimilate that the mysterious boy was Darren Criss.–_Damn, I need to stop shaking like a fool_ – You wanted to stop shaking, but your body don't stop.– _Alright, Darren is waiting for you. Take a long breath and go talk to him, relax, relax. You can do this. Everything is cool, take this easy._ – You felt like an idiot talking quietly in the mirror. –_Fine, here I go…_ -

You took a long breath before leaving your room and find Darren standing, seeing the table where you used to paint your pictures. There were some paintings unfinished and Darren was holding in his hands one of them, staring in amazement. Slowly you came toward him, trying not to make noise.

"_**It's not finished yet. I need to keep working on it."**_ You said behind Darren. Darren startled and then turned to look at you.

"_**Oh fuck, you scared the hell out of me. I didn't hear you coming."**_ Darren said, still tensed while he was relaxing again. You couldn't help laughing slightly and Darren started to laugh with you. _**"Well, it's kind of awesome anyway. I don't get how you do this. And your apartment… Holy shit, did you do all of those things? **__**It's totally awesome. I love this place."**_ Darren said, looking around as he left the painting where it was.

_**"Yeah, I decorated my entire apartment by myself"**_ You answered smiling. _**"Uhm...Do you want something to drink or eat...maybe coffee?"**_ You asked a little uncomfortable while you headed to the kitchen. Darren followed you and sat at the bar.

"_**I'd love a coffee. **__**Never is late to get more caffeine in my body."**_ Darren said, laughing and you nodded with a smile, beginning to brew coffee. There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by Darren. _**"So…How was the event you had yesterday?"**_

"_**Uhm… well, actually…"**_ You started to feel nervous, your voice trembling. Darren were looking deeply into your eyes and you tried to concentrate on making coffee but your nerves betrayed your hands. You didn't want to lie him again, but you couldn't say him why you've done that. You felt embarrassed and stupid.

"_**There was no event, right?"**_ Darren said quietly.

Now, that was an awkward moment. You raised your eyes and looked at Darren's eyes. He was staring at you with an expression somewhat disappointed and you saw a glimmer of sadness for a while. Holy shit, you had hurt Darren. You felt extremely guilty and bad about having hurt him. How could you hurt that guy who did so much for you? Darren finally dropped his eyes and bit his lower lip. You also got off the look and tried to contain your tears that wanted to escape from your eyes as a result of the guilt you felt for hurting Darren's feelings. Darren looked sad, very different from that Darren you've always seen in interviews, very different from that Darren always happy and goofy. And you knew it was your fault. You felt a lump in your throat that didn't let you talk and you started to feel pressure in your chest. Oh God, you hated this. You hated to make people feel bad, and more a special person like he was. You had no idea what to answer. You didn't know what to tell him, because you couldn't even understand why you had acted that way with him.

"_**Darren… I'm really sorry."**_ You finally said with a choked voice and looking up to look in his eyes, still trying to hold back your tears.

"_**It's alright…"**_ Darren said, still looking down straight on his hands.

"_**No, it's not. **__**Darren, please…"**_ You said still with choked voice and almost in supplication, which made Darren to look up to you, to stare into your eyes.

"_**Listen… I knew something like this could happen. I knew that maybe you could know me, I knew it from the moment you mentioned that you knew my song, Not Alone. So I never dared to tell you who I was, or send you a picture of me. Because I knew that things could change, I knew that maybe you wouldn't want to talk to me again. Not because I'd disappoint you nor because you'd like me less, but because you were going to scare and because you were going to get nervous talking to me again. Because both have shared many deep things. I know many things about you as you know about me. And I didn't want you to feel that way with me, I wanted to talk like if we were two normal people having a special relationship of... friends.**_ _**It was very important to me, with you I felt different, and I felt so damn good unlike in recent years. You know? I hate this. I hate that people treat me differently, like if I were important or shit like that. I hate that people can't see me or treat me like a normal person trying to live and enjoy life. I hate not to have a fluid and enjoyable conversation, I hate the fact that everyone has to mention me that they admire me. I hate being treated as if I weren't one of them. I hate not being able to walk down the street with someone I want without the media making up stories. I miss to walk quietly with someone next to me normally, like other people do. And with you I felt different because the two could talk about anything, and I felt good because you treated me as equal... and you said to me that you considered me a special person even not knowing who I was, all I'd done in my professional life. You liked me for what I truly was and not for what I did in my professional life.**_ _**Then I asked myself what if I encouraged letting you know me personally. After all that we shared and how... we both felt. I thought it'd be much stronger than the fact that you get to know me personally and then that way, you weren't going to treat me differently. I thought that getting to know each other personally maybe our relationship would be much better. So I decided to take the risk. I was very scared, but you were you... and I wanted to meet that girl that made me feel so great. And... and that hug at the park and the fact of walk beside you and feeling that nothing else mattered... just felt good. I felt like everything... everything was going well. And I was very happy that I took that decision because I really felt in a way that I hadn't felt in years. I was next to a person who I wanted, walking like two normal people. And it was... perfect."**_ Darren looked down, frowned and bit his lip to try to hold back his tears, yet a few tears fell down his face and he wiped away his tears quickly. _**"But... but then you looked at me that way. Dammit, I knew that kind of look but I didn't want to think that you were feeling that way. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable with me in the way you were feeling at that moment. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining things that weren't, that you were just as happy as I was for having known personally. And... and then you told me you had to go to an event with that damn look I knew so well. I tried to stop you so I could make you feel comfortable with me. Because by your eyes I realized you didn't have to attend any event, that you just wanted to go because you didn't feel good with me. But you went away too fast. I tried to follow you, but at one point I lost you from my sight and I couldn't find. So I went back to the hotel where I'm staying, thinking about everything that had happened. Crap, I screwed everything…"**_ Darren was no longer trying to hold back his tears and you felt how your heart was breaking into a million pieces.

"_**Darren…"**_ You said in a tearful voice and grabbed his hand gently, but he pulled away. Oh god, Darren was feeling miserable and all for your stupid behavior.

"_**No, let me finish."**_ Darren interrupted, shaking his head and sitting more upright. _**"I fully understand why you acted that way and I was ready for you to react that way. It wasn't supposed to hurt me, it wasn't supposed to hurt the way you've had reacted, it wasn't supposed that your reaction had to influence on me in this way. But when I saw you in the park... you were you. And I didn't want to do anything else but be with you, to talk personally about all the things we talked in letters. You were... beautiful in every way, as I always imagined. And I didn't want to get away from you, I didn't want to let you go. Because... with you everything's different. I don't know what happened to me the moment I saw you, but I put aside everything that I thought if something come out wrong. And... and knowing that I'd ruined everything between us, made me feel very bad.**__**And I cannot blame anyone else but myself, because I knew this would happen and you acted in a way that someone else would've acted. But I let myself be blinded by what I felt. And I ruined everything. I shouldn't have rushed this. And I'm sorry. It took me awhile to decide to come here, but I had to. You're... you're an important person to me and I didn't want to go without being able to apologize before, although my apology won't change what we're experiencing now, even though my apologies cannot reverse what I've ruined. I wish I could turn back time and keep... having that entire special thing that we had. I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. Forgive me."**_

You didn't know what to say. You were feeling many things, and you couldn't utter a word. You hated the fact that he was feeling guilty because it wasn't like that. And Darren thought you were acting like the rest of the people who admired him. And it was true that you admired him, but you weren't like the rest. Because you'd known each other in a very different way. Because he wasn't only Darren Criss, that famous and talented person. Darren was that guy that made you feel special. And you disappointed Darren, You made him feel bad, you had hurt him deeply. And worst of all is that he was still feeling guilty. Darren felt different with you because you always treated him like a normal person, because you liked him for what he truly was, but that all changed when you met in person, because you'd treated him the same way that people treated him in recent years. And you hated yourself for making him feel this way. He felt comfortable with you, but you ignored that. Because you only thought about yourself. You wanted to tell him that he wasn't guilty; you wanted to tell him that you were sorry. Also you wanted to tell him that you'd been thinking and you were sorry for acting that way with him. You wanted to say that he was very important to you, not because you were his fan but because you loved how he really was. You wanted to say that you neither wanted to let him go, you wanted to talk naturally as two good friends would do. But you couldn't tell any of this, because you couldn't talk. You approached him and hugged him tightly, letting him know by your embrace everything you felt at that time. At first Darren let you hug him, but he didn't hug you back. After a few seconds, he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder, shedding some tears. You started to caress his hair gently as he hugged you tighter. The hug lasted several minutes and said everything that words couldn't express. Then you turned away to look into each other's eyes, but you kept your hands on Darren's shoulders and he kept his hands around your waist. Both looked intensely into each other's eyes. You thought that anything more perfect could happen than what happened that time.

"_**I'm not gonna let you go away from me, Darren. So, get used at me."**_ You told him still looking into his eyes, smiling warmly.

"_**Really? What if I don't want?"**_ Darren said a little more lively, but still with tearful eyes.

"_**Oh, I'm going to have to kidnap you until you give up and accept the fact that I'll be by your side from now on"**_ You said in jest and Darren shook his head laughing.

"_**Uhm, it sounds fair. But if you're going to kidnap me, please let me at least go to the bathroom when I need."**_ Darren said, laughing and you laughed with him.

_**"If I'm going to kidnap you, I don't want you to feel guilty again for something stupid I did. We've talked about this. And you're very important for me to let you go. And I love you for who you are personally and not by what you've accomplished in your professional life, although I think it's fantastic. **__**Do we have a deal?" **_You said smiling.

"_**We have a deal."**_ Darren said smiling back at you and he hugged you again. This time it was a hug of happiness, not regret.

* * *

_THE NEXT DAY…_

* * *

You woke up feeling warm on a cold day in NYC, but your body was hurting a little. You remained with your eyes closed, enjoying the warmth, until you felt a noise behind you that made you startle. Still somewhat asleep, you opened your eyes and looked behind you to see what that noise was. Darren was lying next to you on the couch of your apartment, and the sound seemed to be some kind of snoring. You remembered that yesterday you'd been lying on the couch to watch a movie after spending hours talking and laughing like old friends, surely you'd fallen asleep. Darren had his arms wrapped around your waist and his head was lightly touching yours. He was fast asleep and you stared at him. His face was beautiful when he slept, he had a peaceful expression and a slight smile loomed on his face. You laughed inside when you saw that he'd been drooling. You didn't want to wake him, he looked very calm and it felt very good to be in his arms that were holding your waist firmly. Geez, he was very beautiful and adorable. You looked very intently each part of his face, his long lashes, his nose, his mouth slightly open, his scruffy face because of a beard that was growing up on his face, you looked at his curls falling in all directions. Gently, you pulled away one of his curls that was falling on his eye, looking amazed at the person who was sleeping next to you. You snuggled up to him and closed your eyes again to enjoy the moment, smiling widely. You wanted this moment to last forever. It felt good to be curled up to a person who you adored, you felt safe in his arms. You felt as if nothing bad could happen as long as you were in his arms. Darren moved gently to curl up even closer, rubbing his nose with yours and making a funny sound, but you didn't open your eyes. You could feel his breath on your face and it felt very odd, but nice. Again, Darren pulled his face to yours and your mouths were just inches away. Damn, you really wanted to kiss him, to know how would be kissing him. His lips seemed soft and warm. Maybe you could move a little closer and press your lips to him covertly. – _What the hell?_ – You thought when you realized what you were thinking. How could you be thinking about kissing him? For god sake, you were just friends and you didn't want to ruin it for something stupid that came up to your mind and just for feeling comfortable in that way with him. Quickly you dispelled all these crazy thoughts in your mind. You felt ashamed for thinking that way about your best friend. You decided to get up and go take a shower to get out from your mind all these ideas. Without much ado or any sudden movement to not wake up Darren, you got up and went to the bathroom.

"_**I really, really, like really need to use the bathroom. **__**Like seriously**_!" You startled at heard how Darren's voice said behind the door while you were showering.

"_**Can't you wait a little longer? I still don't finish, Darren. Just a while."**_ You said from the shower.

"_**If you could wait a little longer I swear I wouldn't interrupt your beautiful and relaxing shower. Oh my god, oh my god! Really, I can't take any more and I don't want to ruin your beautiful carpet! Oh shit, I need to come in please!"**_ Darren shouted desperately behind the door.

"_**Darren, I cannot get out of the shower now! It's just a little longer"**_ You also answered a bit desperate.

"_**Please let me in, damn! I promise I won't spy nor look at you! Please!"**_ His voice was pleading.

"_**Fine, fine, come in!"**_ You answered after pondering for a moment. After all, the shower had a curtain so you couldn't see anything.

"_**Oh my god, thank you very much! I could not stand more!"**_ Darren said as fast as he came into the bathroom. Shit, that felt uncomfortable. You tried not to hear any sound and tried to concentrate on the shower. _**"God, it's hot in here. It's pretty obvious that you like taking hot showers!" **_Darren said laughing.

"_**Oh shut up. You're just jealous because I'm the one who's taking a shower"**_ You said, joking.

"_**Oh really? **__**Maybe I can change that right now and take a shower with you"**_ Darren said sensually and you stayed silent. _**"I'm just kidding, but I could take a shower later if you don't mind. **__**I smell like crap" **_Darren said, laughing and you laughed with him, a little nervous.

"_**Yeah, sure. I don't wanna smell crap while I'm having breakfast. I'd feel nauseous."**_ You said jokingly.

"_**Oh, nasty! Okay, I'm done. It's very nice to talk to you but is fucking hot here, so I'm gonna leave you and your totally awesome shower alone. Should I flush the toilet? Or would it screw the water temperature?"**_ Darren asked, between joking and really serious.

"_**Just go away, I'm gonna flush it when I come out the shower"**_

"_**Alright, ma'am. See you in the cold kitchen."**_ Darren said and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Wow. Never before you've had a morning conversation as unique as this one. Conversation in the bathroom? Like, really? You were about to finish your shower when suddenly you felt the temperature of boiling water.

"_**Oh holy shit! Fuuuuuck. Darren fuck you, turn off the fucking tap! Damn, it's burning!"**_ You yelled from the bathroom, trying to get out of the shower.

"_**Oh dammit! I'm so so so sorry! I totally forgot you were taking a shower! Oh damn, I'm such a douchebag!"**_ Darren yelled from the kitchen, quickly turning off the tap.

You quickly finished showering and went to your bedroom to dress yourself. You left your bedroom to go to the kitchen in a bad mood, your skin red for having burned with the water. But your bad mood quickly dissipated when you saw that Darren had prepared breakfast for two. He was making toast when he turned to gaze at you, with a worried face.

"_**I'm so really sorry, I really forgot you were taking a shower and…"**_

"_**Hey Darren, it's alright. **__**I see you made breakfast"**_ You said with a smile on your face and Darren came to you to wrap his arms around your waist with a smile.

"_**Yeah, I did. Or at least I tried. **__**Good morning, my mysterious girl"**_ Darren said and he kissed your cheek. Then, Darren looked at your skin still red from the burn with water. _**"Oh fuck. **__**That doesn't look so good. Let me…let me get some ice to put there."**_

"_**No, no. Darren, it's alright. I'm fucking starving and I really need to drink a cup of coffee right now. **__**Then I'm gonna be cool"**_ You said with a smile and sat at the kitchen bar.

"_**Alright…this is my first attempt to make breakfast. I must warn you something. I totally suck at cooking, so probably you're gonna eat shit."**_ Darren said, giving you a cup of coffee and putting the toasts on the table.

You looked at the toast on the table and tried not to laugh. The toast were completely burned. You thought it'd be best not to eat them, but it provoked tenderness to you about the fact that Darren has taken the time to make breakfast for two. Darren sat next to you and prepared a toast smeared with butter for you, giving it to you with a smile. Even if that toast seemed totally disgusting, how could you refuse that? You grabbed the toast and started to eat it. Yes, definitely Darren couldn't cook, but he looked so happy that you couldn't even joke about that.

"_**This is pure shit and it seems I'm eating a rock. Dammit, why didn't you tell me this toast is so freaking disgusting?"**_ Darren said once he tasted his own toast and you drove out laughing. _**"Next time, you're the one making breakfast if you don't want to die intoxicated."**_

"_**Oh deal."**_ You answered giggling.

After breakfast, Darren went to take a shower while you sat at the table where you used to paint pictures to finish painting the picture that Darren liked. It wasn't long before Darren finished taking shower and he came up to where you were and sat down next to you.

"_**Hmm, I can tell you're very entertained."**_ Darren said, looking very intently at how you were painting. You looked up. Darren was there, his hair still wet, which brought out more his curls. God, he looked flawless.

"_**Oh yeah. Do you wanna try to paint?"**_ You told him, offering him a brush.

"_**No fucking way, I'm gonna screw up your masterpiece."**_

"_**Oh, c'mon Darren, give it a try."**_

"_**I hate you so much. Fine, I'm gonna do it. I don't know why I have the feeling that you're gonna make me do whatever you want.**__**That's no fair at all!"**_ Darren said, pouting and he grabbed the brush that you were offering him.

You painted for a while, laughing at Darren attempts to paint. At first, he started painting seriously until he realized that definitely he didn't have the ability to do it, then he started to laugh at himself. Until you did some kind of painting war, which ended with the two of your faces painted in different colors. After having fun with the oil and brushes, you washed your faces and sat on the couch to talk about anything, as if you knew of a lifetime. You'd spent two whole days with Darren and you didn't get tired of it at any time. It was nice talking to him, since you could talk about fun and silly things as serious and deep things. You thought you could never get tired of that guy. It felt good being in his presence. In a moment both were silent, but it wasn't an awkward silence. Darren looked at you with a smile on his face, but remained silent.

_**"I brought something."**_ Darren said, standing up and going in the direction where his backpack was.

You remained seated on the couch in silence and looking at him intrigued. Once Darren took out from the backpack that thing he was looking, he hid it behind his body and walked to where you were with a playful smile. Then he sat next to you, even closer than before.

"_**Okay. Why are you looking at me that way? Should I be scared right now, Darren?"**_You said, looking at him suspiciously while Darren kept looking at you in the eye mischievously. _**"Are you hiding a gun or something? Because I really don't wanna be shot by a gun yet."**_ Darren laughed out loud.

"_**Oh dammit, you're impossible.**_ _**Try to do something nice and let it to you to screw the moment to talk about guns."**_Darren said, still laughing while you were looking at him amused. _**"I only thought this was an amazing chance to…"**_ Darren said, like a television host who is introducing a person, what made you laugh. _**"Keep doing this together!"**_

At that time, Darren left at the sight the thing he was hiding. He had brought that old book of pictures and phrases. A bright smile appeared on your face. Finally you'd be able to complete the book together and not by letters, just as once you had mentioned and as you had waited to do someday. It seemed stupid, but it meant something important to both. It was something very intimate that only you two shared, and it felt very good to be able to do it together. It was like fulfilling some kind of dream. God, by chance was a tear falling down your face? Really? You tried to say something funny, but you couldn't.

"_**This is… wow, is very nice Darren.**__**It's very nice to know that we finally can do this together"**_ You said as you grabbed the book and opened it to see what you both had done so far.

"_**Yeah, and now you have me to tell you all the stories involving the first pictures in this book. **__**Then, we can make our own story."**_ Darren said with a smile, moving closer to you to grab the book with you.

The rest of the afternoon was spent talking about all the stories of the first images of the book, knowing more about Darren's life since he was 12 years old till now. Some of his stories were really funny and crazy, some were exciting and some were a little sad. He told you everything, his most private memories. And he was sharing all of that with you. You didn't know how they came to get that bond of friendship so strong, but you couldn't be happier to know it was that way. You also told the stories of the pictures that you had added in the book. The two of you were just there sharing many intimate things, comfortable and happy. You were next to each other, while Darren had his arm around your back and you were resting your head on his shoulder, looking at that important book for both. Finally you get to the last page and you got surprised. There was a picture that you hadn't seen before, certainly was a picture that had been added when you'd returned the book to Darren.

"_**I'm assuming that you haven't seen that one before."**_ Darren said, looking into your eyes, smiling slightly, although a bit nervous.

_**"You're assuming correctly."**_ You answered, still looking the picture surprised.

It was a picture of a room that looked like Darren's bedroom, where your painting was hanging on the wall and there was a desk, and on the desk there was a small box with all the cards that you'd sent to him. But the picture wasn't really what surprised you, what surprised you was the thing that was written next to the picture.

**"I never thought I could get to feel this way with someone I don't know personally, but I know I've never felt better before. I keep asking over and over again how I'd feel if I get to meet in person the girl I always imagine each time I sit at this desk and I see that painting. If this is a good feeling, then nothing can go wrong. And I want nothing else in the world than to get to know this mysterious girl in whom I think every day. It's time to take a step in life and face the future that I want, but I don't know what will happen. Today more than ever, I want to know you to give you that hug pending between us. Today more than ever, I'm ready. Today more than ever, I can say that I adore you."**

It was definitely a very intense phrase. Darren was on your side a little uncomfortable because of your silence, but you couldn't even say anything because you kept thinking about those words. It was a really beautiful text and you really couldn't believe someone would feel that way with you. The girl who had been ignored and excluded all her life was sitting next to an extremely fascinating person, the girl felt loved by the person she loved, feeling something that she couldn't remember having had since the death of her father. you couldn't express to Darren all the appreciation that you felt for him. Darren, still uncomfortable, tried to change the topic of discussion but you stopped him.

"_**Darren, you're my best friend, you know? And I cannot explain you what all that means to me"**_You told Darren softly, looking deeply into his eyes. Darren blushed a little to hear your words; gee he couldn't be more adorable.

"_**Yeah… you're my… best friend too. I really meant every single word of that text. And I'm so happy that we're doing alright now. I couldn't stand to the fact of not being able to talk to you anymore."**_ Darren said with a sweet smile on his face and then he looked deep into your eyes, clutching your hands. _**"This could sound creepy to you, but… it's really not. Maybe we don't know each other for so long, but considering what we've been through, I can honestly say that… I dig you…no, I love you, my mysterious girl. And I really enjoy being with you like this...like two...good friends."**_ Darren said sweetly and you could see a twinkle in his eyes, you could see sincerity in his eyes.

"_**I love you too, Darren."**_ You answered with a smile and then you hugged him.

You rested your head on Darren's chest while he wrapped his arms tightly around you, resting his chin on your head while he gently stroked your hair. Darren told you that he loved you and you loved him too. Maybe you loved him a little more than he loved you, after what you had felt that morning wanting to kiss him. Quickly you dispelled those thoughts from your mind again. He was your best friend, nothing more. You just got confused because you felt in a way you hadn't felt in a while. In fact, you never had a best friend so surely that was the reason why you were feeling that way. You decided to relax your mind and think of nothing more than enjoying the time you were living. You stayed a while like that until Darren kissed your head slightly before pulling away a bit to look at you with a smile.

"_**Remember that I said we can write our own story now?"**_ Darren said, smiling playfully again.

"_**Yeah…"**_ You answered suspiciously.

"_**Well, I know exactly how to start…hold on."**_ Darren said and got up from the couch to find something else in his backpack. Then he returned with something small in his hands. _**"Today…while you were taking that shower, that took you like hours, I left your apartment for few minutes and…I did something.**__**Gimme the book." **_You didn't you give him the book because you were looking at him intently, trying to see what he had in his hands. **"C'mon, boo. Gimme the book. You won't regret."**

Alright. Has Darren called you boo? That was really odd, but cute at the same time. Apparently Darren had realized the way he'd called you because instead of insisting you to give him the book, he was looking away, blushing. He was doing some weird gestures, surely he was having an internal fight with his mind to have realized how he called you.

"_**Fuck. I…I'm sorry. I… I don't even know why I called you like that…I…damn."**_Darren said, embarrassed, looking down. You couldn't hold your laughter any longer. You've never seen Darren ashamed before. In his interviews he always seemed very confident of himself, and seeing him so innocent and embarrassed, made you feel tenderness.

"_**Oh my God, Darren.**__**Boo. Really?"**_ You said laughing hard.

"_**Oh please, shut up. Damn, this is so fucking embarrassing, you know?"**_ Darren said, still blushing. _**"Dammit Darren, what the hell is wrong with you?"**_ You heard how Darren said to himself in a whisper.

"_**Hey Darren…"**_You said trying to control your laughter and clutching Darren's hands. _**"I think boo is cute.**__**I just… I wasn't expecting that. I like boo. You can call me that way, I don't mind."**_

"_**Oh hell, you're just making fun of me."**_ Darren said, still ashamed. _**"Damn, I'm so pathetic.**__**C'mon Darren, be such a jerk and call the lady boo. It's totally awesome; it sounds so badass and cool."**_

"_**Oh Darren!"**_You said, laughing louder. _**"Okay, I propose you some kind of deal. You can call me boo as long as I can call you Dar. Do you think this is fair enough?"**_

"_**But really…boo?"**_

"_**I told you, I think it's cute."**_

"_**Fine, we have a deal. But really…don't you think…"**_

"_**Darren…"**_

"_**Alright, fine. You're boo and I'm Dar. That's it."**_

"_**I'm glad we're getting each other finally."**_ You said and kissed him gently on the cheek and he flinched a little, but he smiled. _**"So… you were about to tell me how's the perfect way to start writing our own story"**_

"_**Oh yeah, right. I need you to give me the book first"**_

"_**Okay…"**_ You gave the book to Darren and he quickly grabbed it, putting what he had in hand in the book.

"_**Uhm, do you have any glue?"**_ Darren asked, still with his eyes fixed on the book.

"_**Yeah, hold on."**_

You stood up to look for the glue and when you came back to the couch where Darren was sitting, he was writing something in the book. You wondered what it was that he was writing. You sat by his side and, quickly, Darren hid what he was writing and grabbed the glue.

"_**I thought we were going to do it together."**_ You said looking at him intently and a little amused.

"_**Well yeah…but, it's a surprise.**_" Darren answered, still focused on what he was writing while he stuck in the book that thing he had in his hand. You rolled your eyes and laughed softly. _**"Done!"**_

Darren gave you the book and you looked gracefully before grabbing the book. Wow. That was all you thought when you saw the new photo that Darren had added to the book. It was a picture of you two, lying on the couch, probably from last night. You were fast asleep and Darren was hugging you with a sweet smile on his face, looking into your eyes, which were closed. It was a very beautiful picture even though you were sleeping and you didn't like at all that someone take pictures while you were sleeping. But the picture was very nice, almost perfect. Next to the photo Darren had written something.

"**Throughout your life you meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet people you can't forget, and that's you. I've never been this happy before. I'll never understand why this is like that, but then I came to understand that you don't have to try to find a reason to everything. You just have to enjoy what you have next to you, and enjoy it as if it were the last thing you'd do in your life. That's what I want for us. Enjoy what we have and never get over it, because as long as we have each other nothing will be bad. Because seeing us like this is what makes it all makes sense. I don't want to waste my time trying to understand things if I can have you next to me. I want to spend my time with you, because I love you deep in my heart."**

Oh holy shit. This was the most beautiful thing you've read in your life, and Darren had written it for you, for both. You didn't want to mourn in front of him, but you were so touched and you couldn't hold back your tears any longer. Darren came to you and wiped your tears, and then he kissed your cheek and hugged you warmly. You rested on his chest and hugged him tightly, trying to control your tears. Once you were calm, you grabbed the book to write something. Darren just stayed silent, intrigued by what you were going to do.

"**Looking back on everything that we had, I see happy times as well as bad. If I could go through it over again, I would and I wouldn't change one thing. Because everything that happened made me who I am today and I wouldn't want to trade that for anything in the world. I love you."**

Once you finished writing the book you gave it to Darren to read it. He grinned as he read what you wrote. Neither of you spoke, just stared at each other in the eyes lying on the couch, just enjoying the moment as if it were the last time that would be together.

* * *

"_**Boo, wake up!"**_ Darren whispered in your ear while gently shook your body.

"_**I'm sleeping. Let me sleep."**_ You answered, groaning a little still with closed eyes and turning around to give your back to him.

"_**C'mon boo, we fell asleep and it's kinda late. And I really need to go."**_ Darren whispered again in your ear, this time caressing your cheek.

"_**Why would you leave? Stay here with me."**_ You babbled, still sleeping and turned around again to curl up on Darren. You felt how Darren sighed and wrapped his arms around your waist.

"_**I need to come back to the hotel room. I don't have any clothes here and I don't have anything here. But you always can come with me."**_ Darren whispered in front of your face and gently kissed your forehead. You didn't answer. _**"Boo, are you listening to me at all?"**_ Once again you didn't answer. _**"Oh damn. Hey, wake up!"**_Darren said, louder this time.

"_**Oh my god, you're such a pain in the ass Darren."**_ You said, opening your eyes slowly, a little annoyed. By your side, Darren laughed out loud.

"_**Note to myself: Do not try to wake up boo. Definitely she's not a morning person."**_ Darren said chuckling, looking at you.

"_**I thought you said it's late at night."**_ You said, rubbing your eyes and trying to sit, while Darren got up to search his backpack.

"_**Alright, I think someone is very frisky. Yeah, it is and I really have to go as much as I'd love to stay."**_

"_**So just stay. What's the big deal to not have clothes? I could lend you one of my dresses. You'd look as a cute little girl in a dress."**_ You said laughing slightly, standing up to look for a glass of water.

"_**Oh, someone's being jolly."**_ Darren said behind you, and with his backpack already on his shoulder._**"Do you wanna come with me? You know, it's my last day in NYC and I'd like to spend it with you."**_

"_**What? Really? Do you really have to leave NYC?"**_ You said, pouting and then you laughed when you saw the expression of Darren's face, who was looking at you with his puppy eyes. _**"You're too cute for your own good, Dar."**_

"_**Should I take it as a yes?"**_

"_**Fine, yes. I'd love to go with you. Just let me grab some clothes and all that shit."**_

Once you packed things you'd need in your backpack, both left your apartment to go to the hotel where Darren was staying. It was really late at night and the streets of NYC were almost empty.

"_**You know what?"**_ Darren said at your side, as you walked. _**"The hotel isn't near here and I was thinking to stop a taxi, but look at this amazing night!"**_

"_**Darren, is freaking freezing out here.**__**You know that, right?"**_ You said looking at Darren as if he were crazy. Darren just laughed and linked his arm with yours, to warm you.

"_**No, I mean… yeah, of course is freezing but we can always walk like this, then it doesn't suck that much. But look around you. Almost no one is walking and we can walk without have to worry if someone looks at us or not, no one is stopping us. And it just feels extraordinary. So definitely, we're going to the hotel on foot. Besides, we don't have any rush."**_

Darren smiled sympathetically at you. He looked like a child who had just get a candy and looked so adorable that you couldn't tell him that you didn't want to walk with him on that cold night in NYC.

"_**Alright. But if suddenly I stop moving, it's because I freezed. And**__**you're gonna be the one to blame."**_ You teased him.

Darren laughed and suddenly he dropped your arm to stand behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

"_**Oh, fear not my lady. I won't let that happen."**_ Darren said smiling and kissed your check slightly.

Both walked that way to the hotel. No doubt, it'd been a good idea to go to the hotel on foot. Neither of you had to worry about being interrupted by a group of people. You were only two friends walking normally down the street.

"_**Holy crap! **__**This place is awesome!" **_You said surprised when you came into the hotel room where Darren was staying, while Darren just laughed.

"_**Yeah, it's nice. But I prefer your apartment." **_Darren said, taking your coat.

"_**You're totally insane."**_ You said seriously, looking at the luxurious hotel room.

"_**Oh please, we all are insane at some point. Do you want something to drink or eat?"**_ Darren asked, going to the kitchen.

"_**Uhm, yeah sure. Whatever you have."**_ You said, sitting in the big black couch.

"_**Beer and cheese sandwiches is gonna be."**_

You nodded in approval. While Darren was looking for beer and sandwiches, you saw something that caught your attention. Leaning against the couch was the famous Darren's guitar. You approached the guitar for a better view.

"_**I see you found my baby."**_ Darren said behind you with a plate of cheese sandwiches and two bottles of beer.

"_**Oh, I guess so."**_ You said laughing and accepting the bottle of beer that Darren was offering you.

"_**I could play it later if you want."**_ Darren said, sitting next to you.

"_**Really? Would you play it? Oh my god, I'd love it Dar!"**_ You bounced in the couch, happy and excited.

"_**Oh my wizard god, you're adorable."**_ Darren said giggling and you gave him his guitar with a smile. _**"Wait... Do you want me to play it now?"**_

"_**Oh Mr. Criss, I'm very impressed at how fast you found it out!" **_You said, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"_**I do have super powers, you know? Alright..."**_ Darren grabbed his guitar and started to play some chords. _**"What song would you want to listen?"**_

"_**Mr. Criss you're the one who has super powers. Surprise me." **_You said grinning, looking at him very intently.

"_**You're impossible. Fine, but I must warn you that if I forget the lyrics..."**_

"_**Don't worry about that. It'd be even more amazing."**_

"_**How the hell would it be more amazing?"**_ Darren looked at you frowning but smiling.

"_**Oh, I don't know. It just is like that. It's part of your charming."**_ You said with dreamy eyes, blinking exaggeratedly and laughing. _**"C'mon, now play it! Or do you want me to beg you?"**_

"_**I'd like to see that, actually."**_

"_**Darren, stop talking and just play your guitar."**_

"_**Whoa! If you say so that way. Alright, ma'am. I'm at your service."**_ Darren said giggling.

"_**Oh you goober..."**_ You said rolling your eyes.

"_**Hey, rude! Alright...here I go."**_ Darren said before starting to play a song that you knew very well.

Darren was singing Human, one of your favorite songs. You could notice that he didn't lie when he said that playing his guitar was what he liked to do the most, that it was what disconnected him from everything to concentrate only on music. You stared every expression on his face throughout the song. He was lost in the music and he couldn't be more adorable. And gee, you were listening to Darren singing and playing his guitar in front of you. You've always wanted to go to one of his concerts to listen to him but you never had the opportunity, but this was even better. You were astonished with the passion that Darren sang, his voice was beautiful. You didn't want him to stop singing; you wanted to keep listening to his voice. In a moment you started singing softly along with him, but as soon as Darren realized what you were doing, you remained silent and you blushed. It'd been very embarrassing, you were a terrible singer, and Darren had looked up to look at you surprised when he heard your voice, with an amused smile. What a stupid! At that time you wanted to be eaten by the earth and disappear. But that didn't happen so you just looked down to avoid Darren's eyes that were staring at you, and to listen only the sound of his voice and guitar. When Darren finally finished singing, you looked up to look at Darren and applaud enthusiastically as if you were at a concert, laughing with Darren, while Darren did some kind of grateful bow.

"_**That was fantastic, Dar. I think I'm never gonna get tired to listen you."**_ You said smiling.

"_**Oh you betta. I'm gonna be honored to sing for you, my lady."**_ Darren said, placing his right hand on his heart, bowing as he laughed slightly. _**"Why did you stop?"**_

"_**What?"**_ You asked a bit confused, but you knew what Darren was trying to ask, but gosh you didn't want to think about that moment that was very embarrassing. Darren raised his eyebrow, looking deep into your eyes.

"_**You know exactly what I'm talking about. When I was singing, suddenly you started singing along with me. Then I looked up to you and you just stopped singing. Why?"**_

"_**What? No, Darren. No, I wasn't singing. I was just humming along the song."**_ You started to say a little nervous when you started to blush again.

"_**Boo…"**_ Darren said seriously, looking at you intently a bit amused.

"_**Alright, yes. Fine, I was singing, happy now?"**_ You said, somewhat embarrassed and upset. God, those were tough questions for you. Why did Darren have to ask that? You just wanted to forget that embarrassing moment.

"_**I call that progress. But I don't get why you stopped."**_ Darren asked, still staring at you. You just wanted Darren to stop looking at you that way, you were feeling very uncomfortable.

"_**Because."**_

"_**Because…?"**_

"_**Oh dammit Darren, because I'm a terrible singer for god sake. And I just wanted to hear you singing and I didn't want to screw the song that was being so incredible good. I just started singing because...yeah because I know the lyrics and I always sing it when I'm alone but geez, I didn't want you to hear me, that was so embarrassing and damn, it was like some kind of impulse that I couldn't control. I didn't know that I was singing until you looked up at me and gosh that was so fucking embarrassing."**_

"_**And you're officially rambling."**_ Darren looked at you amused and started laughing while you started to blush colossally.

"_**Oh and you're officially an asshole."**_ You said, still embarrassed and upset.

You stood up to get away from Darren because of shame and because you were really upset, but Darren grabbed your arm and forced you to sit again. But this time Darren had forced you to sit between his legs and bringing your back against his chest as he held you tightly to prevent you from any attempt to flee.

"_**Let me go, Darren."**_ You said annoyed, trying to escape from his arms.

"_**That's not gonna happen."**_ Darren whispered in your ear and you shuddered.

Damn, that felt so nice and warm. What the hell this guy was doing to you? Then Darren kissed your cheek softly and you, once again, shuddered at his touch. Darren really needed to stop that, but somehow you didn't want him to stop either. You tried to control yourself. –_ Please, he's only your friend, he's your best friend, don't screw this. Oh God, what the hell is Darren doing now? Oh shit, oh shit. __You have to stop thinking about this, gosh. __Darren is your friend, he's just trying to make you feel better because you got upset with him. Oh damn, Darren. _– Darren was gently kissing your jaw line and then he gently kissed your neck, but then he stopped abruptly. You looked slyly to Darren; he was looking away until at last his eyes met yours. Both stared into each other's eyes for a long time. Darren's heart was pounding and yours too. Darren was so beautiful. Darren was just your friend.

"_**I like your voice, really. You shouldn't have stopped singing."**_ Darren finally said breaking the silence, but without breaking eye contact.

"_**Oh please, Darren."**_ You said as you tried to get away from him again, but he held you tighter, resting his chin on your shoulder and looking into your eyes with a sweet smile.

"_**I really meant it. Next time you should sing along with me. I'd love that."**_

"_**No fucking way, Darren. I'm sorry, but no."**_

"_**Please?"**_ Darren said, looking at you with his damn puppy dog eyes. He really knew when to use that.

"_**Darren, you just wanna make fun of me. I really, really suck at singing. And I swear I'm not being humble." **_

"_**What the hell? I'm not gonna make fun of you, I swear. I just enjoy listening to you. Would you sing along with me next time? Please, boo?" **_Darren said again looking at you with his puppy dog eyes. You just sighed.

"_**Alright, fine. Damn, now stop looking at me that way. You... I hate you, you know?"**_ You said frowning and Darren burst of laughter.

"_**Hmm, yeah sure you hate me."**_ Darren said still laughing and kissed your forehead. _**"Can we just cuddle now? I'm very tired and I don't wanna spend my last day with you sleeping."**_

"_**Yeah...sure." **_You answered a little nervous.

You didn't know why you were nervous if you'd done that with Darren in recent days. But the fact to have thought about Darren in a very differen way than only friends minutes earlier, made you feel somewhat uncomfortable. You felt guilty for thinking that way about Darren. You thought if you couldn't control yourself you were going to screw the excellent friendship you had with Darren and you really didn't want to lose him. Cuddling with him was going to be hard this time. Unexpectedly, Darren helped you up and then he lifted you up and started to walk with you in his arms.

"_**What are you doing, Darren?"**_ You looked at him surprised.

"_**What do you think I'm doing? Leading us to the bed, duh. I don't wanna wake up with a crick in the neck and I bet you don't want it either."**_ Darren said as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.

_**"You know that I still can walk by myself, right?"**_

_**"I swear I didn't know. Next time, I'm gonna keep it in mind."**_ Darren said laughing, still walking to his bedroom.

When you came into the bedroom, Darren lay you in his bed and looked at you with a smile.

"_**Be right back, I'm gonna change my clothes. It's kinda uncomfortable sleeping with these clothes." **_Darren said while he grabbed sweatpants and a loose shirtand went to the bathroom.

While Darren was changing his clothes in the bathroom, you took advantage to go get your bag and return quickly to Darren's bedroom. You opened your backpack and began to search your pajamas. Damn, you forgot to pack your pajamas. Oh no, you were going to have to sleep with that uncomfortable clothing unless you ask Darren if you could borrow something to wear to sleep, but you knew that you weren't going to ask it to Darren. You cursed at yourself and lay down again in bed, annoyed and frustrated. After a few minutes, Darren returned from the bathroom and looked at you funny. God, those sweatpants looked very good on Darren, and it was supposed that the sweatpants don't look good on anyone. Quickly you looked away from Darren's sweatpants. The last thing you needed was Darren to realize that you were looking at him. Darren walked to bed and sat on the edge of the bed.

"_**Are you planning to sleep with those clothes?"**_ Darren asked, chuckling slightly.

"_**Yes."**_ You answered a little upset, crossing your arms.

"_**Let me guess... you forgot to bring your pajama."**_ Darren said, this time laughing louder.

"_**Not funny, Darren." **_You said, sighing in frustration.

"_**I don't get what's the big deal."**_ Darren said giggling and he got up from bed to walk towards his wardrobe and then he grabbed a big t-shirt and threw it to you. _**"You can wear that. I'd give you some sweatpants but it's gonna be in vain because definitely you're gonna drop it. I could always lend you an underpant, but probably you won't want it. So, I guess the best idea is if you wear that t-shirt, it's like a nightgown for you."**_

_**"Oh my god, this is so shameful." **_You said blushing hard, although you grabbed the t-shirt.

_**"Oh please, not a big deal. It's not as if I'd never seen a woman almost naked or completely naked."**_

_**"Oh damn, Darren. Stop it, okay? Be right back."**_ You got out from bed and went to the bathroom as fast as you could.

Holy crap. That was really embarrassing. Darren probably would've thought that you hadn't brought your pajamas on purpose. No, he couldn't think so. But the fact of having to wear to sleep clothing that wasn't yours made you feel uncomfortable. And why the hell has Darren mentioned that he's seen naked women? Oh God, you had no idea what was his point of having said that, but it made you feel uncomfortable. And what if Darren had thought that you wanted him to see you naked or almost naked? No, no, no. No, you were overthinking everything. Surely it'd been a random comment to make you feel comfortable. You were taking too long in the bathroom, and Darren probably would be suspect something. Quickly you put Darren's shirt. Wow, it really was very large but still not even reached up to your knees. You looked in the mirror. You didn't feel comfortable like that, you've never felt comfortable wearing short dresses that show your legs and you were ashamed that Darren was going to see you like that. Before returning to the room, you took a long breath. When you came into the room, Darren was already in bed and he was hugging the pillow, deep in his own thoughts. However, when he heard that you came in, he raised his eyes to see you. He looked at you from head to foot with an expression on his face you couldn't identify, it was a bit amused but serious look at once. That was very weird and you felt even more uncomfortable. Darren cleared his throat before looking at you with a smile.

"_**I was thinking that you stumbled in the bathroom and you fell unconscious."**_ Darren said giggling and he moved to leave a space for you in bed next to him.

"_**Hey, the time we women need is long."**_ You said, still standing in front the bed.

_**"I have no doubts about it. C'mere now."**_ Darren said, opening his arms as a sign that you lie down in bed next to him.

With a smile, you lay down beside him. As soon as you rested your head in the pillow, Darren curled up next to you. He wrapped an arm under your neck and wrapped the other one around your waist, resting his head in your shoulder lightly touching your neck with his nose, with his eyes already closed but not asleep yet. You were in a position a little uncomfortable, so you rolled to be face to face with him. Now his nose was lightly touching your nose and, instead closing your eyes like him, you kept your eyes open to look at that beautiful man. His face was very peaceful and he was grinning nicely.

_**"Won't you snuggle close to me as well?"**_ Darren asked unexpectedly making you startle, still with his eyes closed. You just smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist and placed a hand in his chest. _**"Yeah, that feels better."**_ Darren smiled and sighed. _**"Goodnight, boo."**_ He said and kissed the corner of your mouth.

Your body tensed at his kiss and probably Darren realized it because he opened his eyes and looked at you a little edgy, biting softly his lower lip and loosening his arm around your waist, lightly turning away from you.

_**"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry. I had my eyes closed and I couldn't see...I just...only I wanted...that wasn't my intention. I couldn't see anything and I just wanted to give you a goodnight kiss on your cheek. Oh damn, I'm sorry."**_ Darren said nervously while you were still looking at him stunned. Then the awkward silence took over the room.

"_**Don't worry, Darren. I know you had your eyes closed. It was nothing, forget it."**_ You said finally with a slightly grin, but still a little stunned.

"_**Okay then. Goodnight."**_

"_**Goodnight, Darren."**_

Both of you stayed in an awkward silence. You stayed staring at the ceiling like Darren. You weren't cuddling anymore and that was really an awkward moment for the two of you. You stayed like that for a couple of minutes, both of you unable to sleep. It was an odd feeling and you wanted to curl up next to him again, but you did nothing about it. Even though the kiss hadn't been on purpose, for some reason you liked it. You could feel the warmth of his lips, its smoothness. And it felt good. - _Oh my god. Why are you thinking about this? Slap. Stop thinking in this creepy way. You and Darren are not gonna be more than friends. Being friends with him is the best that happened to you, so stop screwing things, for god sake. Damn, the last thing I needed, have a fight with my very own mind. Great, you're so great_ - You were so focused having a hassle with your mind that you didn't realize that Darren stopped looking at the ceiling and now he was staring at you.

_**"Boo, are you asleep?"**_ Darren said in the silence and you startled again.

_**"Oh Darren, you fucking scared me. I thought you were already asleep. As you could notice, I'm not asleep yet."**_ You whispered.

_**"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Boo...can I...can I curl up with you again?"**_ Darren asked a bit shyly.

_**"Yes, sure you can." **_You answered after few seconds trying to dissimulate your keif.

Darren quickly snuggled up to you again, wrapping his arms around your waist while you did the same. This time he had his eyes open and he was looking at you with a cute smile.

_**"Now, this feels better. You...you aren't...you aren't feeling uncomfortable about what happened, are you? I mean...it wasn't on purpose. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. This...this is not... this is not gonna change anything, right?"**_ Darren asked awkwardly still looking into your eyes.

"_**Calm down, Dar. Everything is okay, I know it wasn't on purpose, I'm not feeling uncomfortable next to you, and nothing's gonna change between us. Just calm down and let's go sleep, remember that you didn't want to spend your last day here sleeping."**_ You said gently and you smiled at him as he smiled back at you.

"_**That's right. Tomorrow we're gonna have a long day. Goodnight, boo."**_ Darren said and this time he kissed your forehead.

You fell asleep few minutes later, still thinking about that kiss. For some reason, you fell asleep happy.

* * *

Darren was still asleep next to you while you were looking at him intently in silence. You didn't even want to think that this would be your last day together. When you first met Darren personally, you didn't want to see him. Now that you both had spent all these full days together, you didn't want him to leave. You had already used to being in his presence, and knowing you were going to be alone again, depressed you. You had already used to sleeping with someone like this, but now Darren was going to go away. You wouldn't be any longer with that guy with whom you could spend the whole time of your life. You wanted to hold on to every moment that you lived with him; times you were living and were going to live. Tonight, Darren was going back to LA, leaving you alone in NYC and thinking about broke your heart. But instead of thinking about sad things, you decided to enjoy the time you stay with him. This was going to be the last time you sleep and cuddle with him. After a while, you decided to get up to make breakfast for two, and surprise Darren bringing him breakfast in bed. When you returned to Darren's bedroom with a tray with two cups of coffee and toast not burnt, Darren was still sleeping and he had extended across the bed. It was very funny to see him sleep that way, very relaxed. Quietly, you sat on the edge of the bed next to him and left the tray on the nightstand. You approached him to look at him with a smile as you caressed his soft hair. Darren left out a soft moan while he rolled up in bed to give back. You laughed softly and you approached him even closer to whisper in his ear.

"_**And I thought I was the one who wasn't a morning person." **_

"_**Mmmmh."**_ Darren mumbled with a smile when he heard your voice and he turned around to rest his head in your lap, wrapping his arms on your hip, still with eyes closed. _**"That makes two of us."**_

"_**C'mon, get up. I have a surprise for you."**_ You said, chuckling slightly while you were playing with his curls.

"_**Can't we just stay like this for the rest of the day?"**_ Darren said, burying his head in your stomach, what made you tickle. _**"Keep doing it."**_

"_**Do what?"**_ You asked slightly frowning but amused.

"_**Keep patting my hair. It feels so nice."**_ Darren mumbled happily against your stomach.

"_**Okay, no. Sir, we have to get up. I thought you didn't want to spend the rest of the day sleeping."**_ You said firmly but still patting Darren's hair. Darren held you even tighter.

"_**I'm not sleeping. I'm wide awake; I'm just lying in bed super happy."**_ This time Darren opened his eyes to look at you, still resting his head in your lap and wrapping his arms in your hip.

"_**Oh, someone is in a funny mood today." **_You said laughing and kissed his forehead while he closed his eyes and opened them again with a smile. _**"Too bad that probably my surprise is screwed now."**_

"_**What? Alright. What was that surprise?"**_ Darren asked intrigued. You moved a little to let Darren see the tray that was in the nightstand. Darren raised his eyebrows in surprise and then looked at you. _**"Breakfast in bed? Really?"**_

"_**Oh yeah, really. But as I said... too bad that the coffee must be cold now."**_ You said raising an eyebrow and faking a pout.

"_**Can't believe you did it. And c'mon, I bet coffee isn't cold yet! Let me grab that cup of coffee!"**_ Darren said trying to sit in bed to grab the cup of coffee, but you grabbed his shoulders to prevent him from moving.

"_**Too late, too late! You should've woken up a few minutes ago. Now, no coffee for you!"**_ You said, teasing him.

"_**Oh, you sneaky devil! I want my coffee!"**_ Darren said, trying to reach the cup.

"_**You're not gonna get it, Darren." **_You said amused, looking at him playfully.

"_**Wanna bet?"**_ Darren looked at you very deep in your eyes, challenging you.

You couldn't think about anything to answer because Darren already took you by the arms and he lay you on the bed. Then Darren was on top of you, tickling your stomach while you couldn't stop laughing uncontrollably, trying to take Darren away from you and begging him to stop. But Darren instead stop tickling you, he started to tickle every sensitive part of your body while he was laughing too. Unwittingly, you hit Darren's arm that was holding his own weight. That provoked that the whole weight of Darren's body fell on your body and his forehead slammed against your nose. Now your faces were only 3 inches away. Both stared into each other's eyes deeply. Darren had a twinkle in his eyes that you've never seen before, but definitely that made his hazel eyes look even more beautiful. You were so close that you could feel his breath and how he was panting slightly. Suddenly Darren's eyes fixed in your mouth and he kept staring your mouth for a long time with his lips parted. You couldn't take it anymore this situation, you couldn't think of anything. Your mind went round and round and a warm feeling began to travel throughout your body. Suddenly everything felt very hot and you couldn't resist any longer. Darren placed his hands on your cheeks. You looked into his mouth, but then you raised your eyes to look at Darren's eyes. You were nervous and you were sure that Darren was nervous also because his heart was beating fast against yours. None of this was supposed to be happening. You couldn't let your friendship be ruined by a moment of weakness. But you couldn't stop. Yes, you wanted to kiss him. But suddenly, Darren's eyes reflected horror._ - Oh Jesus, why is he looking at me that way? Dammit, maybe he realized we carried away the way too much. Oh shit. –_

"_**Oh holy crap, boo! You're bleeding!"**_ Darren said, moving away from you still aghast. _**"Oh my god, oh my wizard god I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry!"**_ Darren said panicking, not knowing what to do.

"_**What? Darren, what? What are you talking about?"**_ You said, also starting to panic while you sat in bed.

_**"Oh damn, your nose, I think I broke your nose! Oh no, shit. Let me...I need to...ice, we need ice. Oh God!"**_ Darren was already stood, walking from side to side of the room.

_**"Darren, what?"**_ You said scared and stood up to look at yourself in the mirror. _**"Oh fuck! My nose, my nose is bleeding! Oh damn!"**_

You ran to the bathroon placing a hand in your nose to avoid staining the floor with blood. Once you got into the bathroom, you grabbed the rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball to put it into the nostril. Gee, it was painful and you were trembling. You tried to calm down. Suddenly Darren came into the bathroom nervous. He obviously didn't know what to do.

_**"I'm really sorry."**_ Darren said behind you, terrified.

_**"Hey Darren, it's not your fault, okay? Don't blame yourself."**_ You said, still putting rubbing alcohol in your nose while you were wincing.

_**"Maybe we... we should go to the hospital. They need to check your nose."**_ Darren said still nervous coming closer to you.

_**"No, no. It's alright, my nose isn't broken. Don't worry, really."**_

_**"But...just in case, we should go to the hospital. What if it's really broken? Really, we must go to the hospital. They...they'll know what to do and..."**_ Darren started to say panicking.

_**"Dar..."**_ You finally said gently, placing your hand in Darren's shoulder to calm him down. _**"My dad was a doctor, so I'm pretty sure that my nose isn't broken. Really it's nothing. And don't look at me that way; it's not your fault."**_

_**"But yes...yes, it's my fault. I was the stupid and idiot one who started that tickle war. If I had not started any of this, none of that would be happening. I'm so stupid and..."**_ Darren started to say really worried but you interrupted him, grabbing his hands.

_**"Hey, Darren. We both decided to start that tickle war and it was really funny. I don't regret it, okay? I'm gonna be fine and I had fun and that's what matters, so stop feeling guilty. We should be enjoying this day instead regretting what happened. Neither of us want this day to be a real shit. So let's just get our breakfast and have fun the rest of the day. Can we do that? I'd really like it."**_ You said sweetly, looking into his eyes and grinning at him.

_**"Yes, you're right. I'm sorry and we should enjoy this day. Let me spoil you now, okay?"**_ Darren said fondly and hugged you.

_**"It sounds good for me."**_ You said giggling.

When Darren said that he was going to spoil you, definitely he wasn't joking. He made breakfast, he ordered delicious food for lunch, and he bought dessert and a lot of candies. All the day he was asking you how you were feeling, if you needed something. He played his guitar and sang for you a lot of songs, you watched a movie cuddling in the couch; you talked and laughed a lot. At some point the fact he was spoiling you so much annoyed you a bit. It wasn't that you weren't enjoying that, of course you were enjoying that. But he was doing all that because he was feeling guilty, and you hated that, because nothing of that had been his fault. Anyway, there was a moment that was your favorite moment. The time that Darren had to leave was coming closer, and there was a sad atmosphere. Both of you were realizing that, but neither of you said something about that. You were only sitting on the couch, holding hands and just talking. You had your head rested on Darren's shoulder and he had his head rested on yours. You were quiet until Darren looked at you all of a sudden.

_**"Turn your back."**_ Darren said to you gently and smiling.

_**"What?"**_ You asked frowning and confused.

_**"Do you trust me?"**_ Darren asked looking into your eyes.

_**"Yeah, but..."**_

_**"So, turn your back. You'll like this, I promise." **_

_**"Alright..."**_ You said suspiciously but you turned your back.

As soon as you turned your back, Darren placed his hands on your shoulders and squeezed them slightly. Then he asked you to lie your stomach down on the couch, and you did that. He kneeled on the floor next to you and started to rub your back slowly and gently. Oh god, that felt so good. You closed your eyes and relaxed your body with a smile on your face. He worked his way down from the back of your neck to your shoulders, working his thumbs in small, deep circles, starting in the interior part of the shoulder blades. Then he worked at the base of your head, deeply pressing the tips of his forefinger and middle finger into the furrows. He stretched out your arms and massaged your biceps lightly with his fingertips and then he worked the back on either side of the spinal cord using upward strokes laterally along the spine until he reached your tailbone, teasing the area around the base of the spine. He continued massaging your back for several minutes and you thought you could fall asleep in any moment. It just was feeling so good and relaxing. You wondered when Darren learned to do massages; he was so amazing at that. While he was still massaging your back, he approached your ear to whisper something that made you shudder.

_**"I'll have to leave NYC soon, but I want you to remember something always. And you need to promise me that you're gonna remember this always. Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Just because we're gonna be separated by miles doesn't mean you're not the one that makes me smile. It doesn't mean we can't be together because you'll be in my heart forever and I'll hold you in my heart, till I can hold you in my arms again. Though miles may lie between us, we're never gonna be far apart, for friendship doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart. And remember that you may be out of my sight, but never out of my mind and when you miss me just look up to the night sky and remember, I'm like a star; sometimes you can't see me, but I'm always there; that's what I'm gonna do every time I miss you. And I believe that we only part to meet again."**_

You opened your eyes to look at Darren straight in his eyes. He was looking deeply at your eyes, patting your hair softly. He leaned to kiss your cheek softly but for a long time. Both of you were shedding some tears, but somehow they weren't sad tears. As much as you were going to miss him, he made it clear that even if you're apart, you're gonna be always for each other. You weren't sad, because have met each other was the best thing that ever happened to you. You weren't saying goodbye, you were just saying see you later.

When Darren left NYC to come back to LA, you cried. But you weren't sad. You were going to miss him, but you were going to be with him forever. He was going to be in your heart forever. You were extremely happy to have met that mysterious guy and now, more than ever, you were sure that you loved him.

* * *

_FIVE MONTHS LATER..._

* * *

That was a special day. It was the day you started your vacation. Your boss was generous and, as a reward for your hard work, he gave you one entire month of vacation and that was amazing.

Since Darren left NYC, you and he have been sent letters to each other as before. But it wasn't like before, now everything was different. Now you were closer, you knew so much about each other that the letters were full of confidence. It was funny and weird watching Darren on TV now that you met him, you couldn't see him in the same way than before you met. But it wasn't a bad feeling, it was the opposite. Darren was pretty busy the last months, but he always found the time to answer the letters. This time, Darren replied your letters faster than before. You had no idea why you didn't share your phone numbers or your emails, but it seemed that letters were your thing, so you just decided to keep it that way.

A week ago, you received a letter from Darren. It was an amazing letter that lit up your day, more like your entire week. Darren already knew that your boss gave you an entire month of vacation so he sent you with his letter a plane ticket to LA. He invited you to go there and stay with him the entire month in his apartment. Of course, you couldn't refuse that invitation. You were very excited to meet him again and that was you wanted the most.

That special day when your vacation started you were going to travel to LA. You already had packed your suitcase and ready to go to LA to spend a whole month with Darren, your best friend that you loved and missed so much.

When you arrived to LA, Darren was waiting for you at the airport. Before you could see him, Darren ran to you to hug you tightly. At first you got scared because you had no idea who was hugging you because you didn't see Darren coming to you. But as soon as you recognized him, you left your suitcase to hug him back.

_**"I'm the happiest man in the whole planet! I'm so extremely happy to see you again!"**_ Darren said, placing both of his hands on your cheeks with a brightly and wide smile before kissing your forehead.

_**"I can notice it! And it's only fair if you let me say that I'm the happiest girl in the whole planet to see you again."**_ You said also with a bright and wide smile and you hugged him again, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head on his chest.

_**"Let me help you with your suitcase."**_ Darren said and grabbed your suitcase as he linked his arm with yours to lead you the way to his car and leave the airport.

_**"Such a gentleman, Mr. Criss! What an interesting point of view."**_ You laughed when Darren opened the car door for you.

_**"Hey, I'm always a gentleman, my lady."**_ Darren said, making a bow.

While Darren left the suitcase in the trunk of the car, you slid in the passenger seat. Then Darren slid in the driver's seat and started to drive, turning on the music. In the way to Darren's apartment you talked about a lot of things, mainly about all you did all those days you were apart and what you could do now. It seemed as if you never had been separated. It was amazing to be with him again, you thought that this couldn't get better.

Once you arrived at Darren's apartment, your face reflected the same expression that you had when you entered in the hotel room where Darren was staying in NYC.

_**"Hey, your jaw is going to cramp if you keep looking that way."**_ Darren laughed behind you, coming into your apartment with your suitcase.

_**"What the fuck is this place? Am I even awake?"**_ You said, ignoring Darren's comment and just standing by the door.

_**"I think it's a place that I usually call home."**_ Darren said leaving the suitcase in a big black couch. _**"Are you gonna be just standing there?"**_ Darren said, raising an eyebrow and looking at you funny.

You ignored what Darren said and you kept standing there. Darren walked slowly to where you were while you were still amazed looking around his apartment. Darren took you by the hand giggling slightly.

_**"Are you up for a tour around the apartment? I'm gonna pretend I'm a cool guide." **_

_**"Yeah, sure. I don't wanna get lost in this big place and I wanna have someone next to me if something weird appears. I don't wanna be all by myself if suddenly I meet your dinosaur called Ted, what if he doesn't like me? I don't wanna be eaten by Ted."**_ You said widening your eyes but you let out a slight laugh.

_**"Oh, I think you know about Ted. That's cool, he's cool. You're gonna like him and his gonna like you."**_ Darren said still amazed for the fact you mentioned Ted.

Darren showed you his entire apartment, making some jokes and funny comments along. His apartment was amazing. It wasn't only big and luxurious; he had some cool things that let you know that apartment was his apartment and not someone else. There were a lot of rooms besides the living room, the dining room and the kitchen. He had three bedrooms and a spare room that he used as a music studio where he could write songs and play his instruments. In fact, there were a lot of instruments and musical scores everywhere. But the place that you liked the most was the balcony. The balcony was huge and you could see all LA from there, it was precious and amazing. Wow, his apartment was awesome and he didn't praise everything he had, he was very humble about all that. Actually he was a little uncomfortable, as if he wasn't used at all that and he wasn't used to see someone looking at his apartment the way you were looking at it. But you couldn't help it, it was the most incredible apartment you've ever seen. He took you to a room which door was purple and you laughed at it.

_**"Let me guess what I'm gonna find here. Is this your bedroom, Darren?" **_You laughed and he looked at you amused.

_**"You'll have to figure it out. Damn, wait, you already did."**_ Darren said giggling and he opened the door.

_**"Oh. My. God."**_ You said once you saw his bedroom with wide eyes.

_**"What's that look? Did you find Ted?"**_ Darren laughed and took your hand to let you come in. _**"I usually don't let anyone to come here, you might understand the reason. It's a complete mess."**_

You didn't answer and looked around. Yeah, it was really a complete mess. His clothes were lying on the floor everywhere, the drawers of his wardrobe were open, his bed was unmade and there were papers strewn on the floor. Even there was some food on a tray in his nightstand. But despite all that, that bedroom was amazing. He had a lot of pictures of his friends and family on the wall, and he even had a Zefron poster that made you laugh. Lying on the bed was his guitar. And then you looked at one corner of the room. You recognized it. It was the place of that picture that Darren put in the book. There was the desk with a box with all your letters and there was the book also, and hung on the wall was the painting that you had given to Darren. Your eyes lit up upon seeing that. Darren walked to the desk and took the book to put it somewhere else. And then he turned away to look at you a little nervous.

"Well, yeah. Welcome to the mess!" Darren said laughing and you laughed along with him.

_**"Oh well, but it's a nice mess. I like your bedroom, it's so...you. And I guess I'm intruding here, as you said you don't let anyone to come here."**_ You said, stepping back outside the bedroom.

_**"Oh c'mon. You have free pass as long as you don't mind the mess."**_ Darren took your hand again.

_**"Free pass? Watch your words, Mr. Criss. If you're saying I have free pass it means I can do whatever I want in this bedroom whenever I want. And maybe you won't be so pleased if I touch any of this mess to do my own mess here."**_ You said laughing, raising your eyebrows.

_**"More mess in the bedroom is always welcome. You know it, the more the merrier. C'mon, let me show you your bedroom."**_ Darren said and led you to a bedroom next to his and opened the door. _**"Well then, this is where you're gonna stay the entire month."**_ Darren said hugging you by your back resting his chin in your shoulder.

_**"It's nice, very nice. Can I stay here forever? This room is bigger than my entire apartment, for god sake."**_ You said looking around.

_**"I wouldn't mind if you stay here forever."**_ Darren said laughing slightly as he kissed your cheek. _**"You even have your own bathroom. It's a guest room but we can turn it into your bedroom, feel free to change it at the way you want."**_

"_**Really? Well then, I'm gonna do it if I have your permission."**_ You said smiling, turning your head to look at his face.

"_**Let's see what your magical hands can do! Don't make it so cool as your apartment is or I'm gonna want to sleep in this bedroom instead mine."**_ Darren said hugging you tighter._** "I hope you can feel as if you were at home. I'm so happy you're here, you know?"**_

_**"I'm happy too, so happy."**_ You said turning around and hugging him, resting your head in his chest. _**"But as much as I'd love to talk to you, the plane ride here was very tiring because I had next to me an older man complaining at everything and he didn't let me sleep."**_

"_**Yeah, gotcha. Just let me go look for your suitcase."**_ Darren said and he left the bedroom.

You looked around; there was a picture on the wall. You approached the picture to see it better. It was Darren and his brother, laughing, both of them sitting cross-legged on the floor and Darren was with his guitar. The picture didn't seem so old, because Darren had the same face than now. It was a lovely picture and it made you smile.

"_**That was about half year ago. My bro and I were singing improvised songs; it was a pretty funny moment. It's my favorite picture."**_ Darren said behind you, leaving you suitcase on the edge of the bed.

"_**Well, yeah. It's a lovely picture. I can see you were having fun."**_ You said turning away and walking to where the suitcase was to look for your pajama while Darren sat on the edge of the bed.

"_**Yeah. He's coming tomorrow and he's gonna stay with us for two weeks, I hope you don't mind. You know, I still have to work for this week, and then I have a break for three weeks. So maybe Chuck could make you company while I'm not here."**_ Darren said, helping you to find your pajamas.

"_**Oh of course I don't mind. I'd love to meet your brother. You know? I know him from Freelance Whales."**_ You said smiling until you found your pajamas_**. "Alright, be right back. I'm gonna change myself."**_

"_**Okay, let me know if you need some help."**_ Darren winked at you and laughed. _**"Just kidding, don't look at me that way!"**_

You went to the bathroom and you changed your clothes. When you came back to the bedroom, Darren was lying in bed with his arms folded behind his head. When he heard you coming in, he looked at you with a smile. You smiled shyly and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge of the bed. Was Darren going to stay there? Not like you haven't done it before, but it was weird since he had his own bedroom. You couldn't ask him anything, because Darren quickly grabbed your arm and made you lay in bed next to him. He snuggled up to you still smiling and rested his head on your shoulder. You smiled at him and placed a hand in his chest.

_**"Oh yeah, I missed this. I just wanna cuddle with you before go to sleep. I promise I'm gonna go to my own bedroom later so you can sleep well. But for now...Can we stay like this for a few minutes?"**_ Darren asked at you, looking into your eyes with a goofy smile.

_**"Yeah, of course we can. But if I fall asleep, don't blame me. Blame the old man." **_You said laughing and Darren nodded, snuggling closer to you. You closed your eyes but anyway you could feel Darren's eyes staring at you.

_**"You're the perfect person to snuggle up to. Damn, you're so beautiful. I could stay like this forever and never get tired."**_ You heard Darren's voice after several minutes. But you couldn't tell if he said it in real life or in your dreams, because you've fallen asleep minutes ago. There was one thing you could notice, a warm feeling near your mouth and then cold in all your body since that moment that lasted all night.

* * *

You woke up in a cozy bed in a bedroom that weren't yours. You took a moment to realize that you were in Darren's apartment and you fell asleep in his arms. Yeah, that felt so good. You were smiling like a fool and rolled in the bed to grab and hug the pillow where Darren had rested his head last night. It still smelled like him, what made you smile even more. You were happy to be with him again and you couldn't stop thinking that you were going to have an amazing moment together the entire month. Finally you decided to get up, still in your pajamas. When you went to the kitchen to get some coffee, Darren wasn't there. On the table there was a note. You grabbed it to read it.

**"My mysterious girl, I had to go to work. I'm gonna be back at noon. Chuck is coming today in the afternoon, so you'll have to be alone for a few hours. Please, feel yourself as if you were at home. I hope you had a good sleep. Love you, Darren aka the mysterious guy." **

You smiled and started to make coffee for yourself and some toast bread. You grabbed a magazine that was on the coffee table and you sat on the couch to drink the coffee while reading the magazine. You finished your coffee and left it on the coffee table while you lay on the couch, still reading that magazine. You were feeling very relaxed till you heard a sound of keys from the front door. You suddenly freaked out. It was only 10 am and Darren told you that he was coming at noon, and Chuck wasn't coming till afternoon. Who the hell was the person who was trying to come in? Probably was Darren who decided to come sooner. Damn, you were still on your pajamas. Why he always had to catch you when you were on your pajamas? You quickly sat on the couch and pretended to be relaxed. You didn't even look when the person came in; you were pretending you were reading the magazine.

_**"So I guess you're the mysterious girl. It's very nice to meet you finally, Darren has told me a lot about you."**_ A man's voice said behind you.

Oh crap. That guy wasn't Darren and you were looking pathetic with your pajamas. Slowly, you turned around to see who the man that had arrived was. Chuck Criss was looking at you with a smile, leaving his suitcase on the floor and stretching you a hand. You smiled shyly and started to blush, stretching his hand as well.

_**"You...you must be...no, you are..."**_ You stammered in embarrassment.

_**"I'm Chuck, Darren's big bro."**_ Chuck said, still smiling.

_**"Yeah. It's...it's so...so nice to...meet you."**_ You answered still stammering and blushing even harder. _**"I'm so sorry that I look like this right now...I wasn't...Darren told me..."**_

_**"Yeah, Darren told you that I was coming at afternoon. That was the plan, but I decided to take the first flight and surprise my little bro. I guess I surprised you too. And don't worry about how you look, you look fine and I'm used to see people in their pajamas. We used to wear our pajamas every Sunday when we lived at my parent's house, it's like a tradition."**_ Chuck said, sitting on the couch next to you, still smiling.

_**"Yes, I wasn't expecting you and, well. Anyway, do you want something to drink?"**_ You said still nervous.

_**"Well, since you asked, I'd like a coffee."**_ Chuck said gently.

_**"Alright. Just wait me, I'm gonna change myself and then I'm gonna make you some coffee."**_ You said embarrassed and went to your bedroom.

You changed your clothes quickly and went to the kitchen again. Chuck was there. He seemed to be cooking. You walked towards where he was, intrigued. Chuck looked up to you, smiling.

_**"Change of plans. It's near noon and we should make lunch. I'm sick of Darren ordering food all the time."**_ Chuck said shaking his head and you laughed because he was right. _**"Has Darren mentioned you that I'm a good cook?"**_

_**"Not at all. I guess I'll have to judge your culinary skills."**_ You said, raising an eyebrow playfully.

_**"That sounded as a challenge. Am I in presence of a good cook?"**_ Chuck looked at you amused while he was grabbing the salt.

_**"Oh yeah. I'm actually a really good cook. I'm sure I could beat you." **_You said playfully.

_**"That's it. I call this a competition. I'm gonna cook the meat and you're gonna cook a salad. Then Darren is gonna judge what's the best food."**_ Chuck said, challenging you but amused.

_**"Let's start the competition, then! You should give up, you're not winning this!"**_ You laughed and grabbed a bowl to start cooking next to Chuck.

"_**Don't be so confident, lady!"**_ Chuck giggled as he continued cooking the meat.

That was a weird way to meet each other, but it was really funny. You felt comfortable with Chuck, as if you were lifelong friends. Both of you were cooking trying to do the best to win the competition but you were laughing at the same time. You were having fun till you heard how someone was opening the door and walked towards where you and Chuck were.

_**"What the hell are both of you doing in my kitchen? Why are you here Chuck? Do I smell meat? Why are you both so dirty? Man, what did I miss here?"**_ Darren's voice sounded confused behind you.

_**"Oh little bro, too many questions. Just get your ass here and hug your big bro! It's the less I'm waiting for after two months without seeing each other. I thought you were going to be happy to see me again, bro."**_ Chuck said smiling brightly.

"_**I'd hug you, but apparently two people were having a food fight in my kitchen. I don't wanna get messy, bro."**_ Darren said frowning looking at you both.

"_**Bullshit! Girl, you know what we have to do…"**_ Chuck said to you, looking at you mischievously.

"_**Oh yeah, Chuck. I know exactly what to do…"**_ You answered with a mischievous smile. Now you and Chuck were coming closer to Darren.

"_**Why are both of you looking at me in that way? I don't like the way you're looking at me. Go away! Go away! No, go away!"**_ Darren said, stepping back and covering his body with his arms. _**"Noooooo! Oh fuck!"**_ Darren gave up and started laughing when you and Chuck hugged him.

_**"Now you're one of us, little bro." **_Chuck said laughing._** "Now I'm waiting you to say that is so good to see me again and shit like that."**_

_**"Shit like that, bro!"**_ Darren said laughing and he hugged his brother.

_**"You never change, Darren."**_ Chuck said shaking his head and laughing.

You went to the kitchen to grab some glasses, dishes and cutlery to set the table, smiling and letting the brothers to enjoy their reunion.

_**"So, what's that thing that smells so good?"**_ Darren asked intrigued.

_**"Darren, it's something called lunch. Do you know the meaning of lunch, non-fast food?"**_ Chuck said, raising his eyebrow jokingly.

_**"Man, I didn't even know that there's something else than fast food!"**_ Darren said with widen eyes.

_**"So yeah... that's why your mysterious girl and I are this messy. You should be grateful to us. Aaaaaand... she and I started some kind of competition."**_ Chuck said mysteriously.

_**"What the hell, man? Alright, let me set this. You just met and you already started a competition. Either you're getting along so well or you hate each other already. I'd rather the first option. Does my vote count anyway?"**_ Darren said expectantly.

_**"Oh yeah, your vote counts, but not for that you're thinking, little bro. So don't sing victory. You have to vote which of us is a better cook."**_ Chuck said, pointing you and him.

_**"Oh man..."**_ Darren started to say amused. _**"Man, please tell me that all of this is a fucking joke."**_

_**"Nope. Not at all. So get your ass on the table already!"**_ Chuck said grinning.

_**"What did I do to deserve two crazy and totally insane people living in my house?"**_ Darren said in disbelief. _**"Seriously? Competing for who's the better cook? That's so boring, man. When you told me you already started a competition, I don't know, I imagined something funnier. Even playing the blinking game is funnier. What are you people?" **_Darren said shaking his head, sitting on the table.

_**"Chuck...No food for Darren today. I think he doesn't deserve it." **_You said jokingly.

"_**I agree with you, girl. Let's go get chubby only the two of us."**_ Chuck said, continuing the joke.

_**"What? No! What did I say? I wanna eat, I'm fucking starving!"**_ Darren said pouting.

_**"Oh bro... that face doesn't work on me. Sorry, man." **_Chuck said, shaking his head.

_**"Boo?"**_ Darren said looking at you, still pouting. You could notice that Chuck giggled at the moment called like that and you blushed slightly. You couldn't resist to that face, but you kept firmly.

_**"Sorry, Darren. You can order some food for yourself."**_ You said, raising an eyebrow.

_**"Not fucking fair! Chuck has arrived recently and you're already plotting with him? Fine, I'm gonna be crying in my bedroom if you need me."**_ Darren said faking a heartbroken face.

_**"Save that shit for another moment, Darren. Now you're the judge. My meat versus your mysterious girl's salad."**_ Chuck said, bringing the food to the table.

_**"Alright. Bring it on!"**_ Darren said enthusiastically. After Darren tasted the meat and the salad, he frowned. _**"Dammit, this is so hard. Man, I can't decide! Just let me eat and don't look at me in that expectantly way!"**_

_**"Darren. Choose. My meat or her salad. It's not that hard, you know? Just say meat or salad!"**_ Chuck said still looking at Darren expectantly.

_**"Fine, fine. I pick her salad. It's fucking delicious and so organic!"**_ Darren said with his mouth full of food.

_**"What? Oh please, you're just being subjective. Only because you lov..."**_ Chuck started to say but Darren looked at him with a killer look. _**"Only because she's your special guest you're choosing her food. Not fair, bro."**_

_**"Deal with it, big Criss. I'm a better cook. Now be a good loser. And I want my reward."**_ You said sticking out your tongue and laughing.

"_**We didn't talk about a reward…"**_ Chuck said frowning and a little upset when Darren chose your food.

"_**It should be a reward. It was a competition. Every competition has a reward for the winner." **_

"_**Fine. I give up. What do you want as reward, better cook?"**_ Chuck said, smiling slightly.

"_**I choose this night movie. And both of you have to watch it, without complaining."**_ You answered, eating some food.

"_**What do I have to do with all of this? Hey, it's your thing, not mine. I'm not watching a movie that I don't want…and anyway, that's the most boring reward in the history of the humanity. You know that, right?"**_ Darren said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"_**Deal." **_Chuck answered quickly before you could change your mind.

"_**C'mon Chuck, don't be such an asshole. Let her pick a better reward. Can I say what's gonna be the reward?"**_ Darren asked.

"_**Okay."**_ You answered, shrugging.

"_**No fucking way, Darren. I know you so well. Don't you dare to pick another reward. The lady has decided already."**_ Chuck said a little scared.

"_**Why are you so scared of me, big bro?"**_ Darren said mischievously. _**"I'm just a simple innocent guy."**_

"_**Yeah, sure you are Darren. Now shut up your mouth. She's picking tonight's movie and that's all."**_ Chuck said staring at Darren. You were just in silence, watching them both a little amused.

"_**The reward is that Chuck has buy us some ice-cream now, then he has to take us to the movies. After that, Chuck is gonna make dinner for all of us, and he has to buy some beers for us. Then Chuck is gonna be our servant all day long. See? I wasn't so wicked; I could have said something worse. What do you think, boo?"**_ Darren said amused.

"_**Well… I don't know."**_ You answered a little uncomfortable. Darren was asking too much.

"_**She said yes. Now Chuck, accept your defeat."**_ Darren said mockingly and started to eat again.

"_**Not fair, man. I know why you've chosen her salad."**_ Chuck said, sighing.

"_**Only because it's more delicious than your meat. Your meet is good, but sorry man. Her salad is better."**_ Darren said shrugging.

"_**Yeah, right. Fine. I'm gonna be your servant all day long."**_ Chuck said giving up.

"_**So cool, man! Now fill my glass with more wine, servant. I'm choking with all the food."**_ Darren laughed.

Chuck, as a good loser, did everything that Darren had said. It was an amazing day and you had a lot of fun with the two Criss brothers. The two together were so funny. - _Nothing bad for the first day here_. - You though inside with a big smile on your face when you went to sleep, trying to figure out all the amazing days you were going to spend together.

* * *

_TWO WEEKS LATER…_

* * *

In the last two weeks you had a blast with Chuck and Darren. You and Chuck were getting along so good and you met him more in those days that Darren couldn't stay with you because of work. Chuck told you some funny events in his life as he also told you about his girlfriend and their adventures and even he told you some stories when Darren was a little boy. You both became very confident to each other. He was a very nice and funny person, but more mature than Darren in some aspects. When Darren started his break from work a week ago, you did a lot of things the three of you together. As you had thought, you spent an amazing time with the Criss brothers.

The next day, Chuck had to come back to San Francisco, so you decided to have a party that night. Darren had planned all. He got a place to the party and he invited a lot of people.

So there you were, trying to find a good dress to wear at the party. You knew that probably had invited a lot of his friends, and most of his friends were famous people and that freaked you a little bit. You knew you were going to be fangirling over those people instead enjoying the party and you didn't like so much the idea. But you were going to attend the party only because of Chuck, so that relaxed a bit.

The time to go to the party has come and Darren and Chuck were waiting for you in the living room to go there.

_**"Man, women and their sense of time is unbelievable."**_ You heard how Darren was saying to Chuck.

_**"Yeah, but we can't complain. They take their extremely long time to get ready, but when you look at them when they're already ready; you realize that the waiting was worth it."**_ Chuck said laughing.

_**"C'mon, they look always flawless. I don't know how much better they can get." **_

_**"You'll find it out soon, bro. Patience"**_

At that time you came into the living room laughing what made Darren and Chuck to turn around to look at you. Darren looked at you from head to toe, his eyes widening and his mouth a bit opened. You were wearing a black and red dress-fitting and you curled your hair in soft loops. The make-up helped you to highlight the features of your face. Chuck laughed loud out when he saw his brother's expression.

_**"Can you at least stop drooling, Darren? You really don't want to freak out the lady."**_ Chuck said, nudging playfully his brother.

_**"Shut up, Chuck."**_ Darren said blushing a little but giggling.

_**"So...are you still thinking that women waste a lot of time to get ready?"**_ You asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow.

_**"Oh fuck no. Definitely the waiting was worth it. I hate when you're always right, Chuck."**_ Darren laughed and approached you to link your arm with his. _**"Ready, my lady?"**_

_**"Oh damn, Darren. Stop acting like a corny gentleman and just let's go have a blast at that party!"**_ All of you laughed and left the apartment to go to the party.

As you thought the party was full of famous people. Oh shit, you were going to faint. As soon as you arrived, Darren let out your arm to go greet some people. You stayed there, standing without knowing what to do. You were very nervous; no one at that party knew you and you weren't brave enough to talk to anyone. Because, let's face it. You were nobody around them, you weren't at their level. Who would want to talk with a complete stranger as you were? Oh damn. You wanted to leave that party. You just went to a table near where you were to sit and just look around. All the people were having fun and you just looked at them. Some people were dancing, other people were singing and other people were already drunk because they were doing body shots. You were laughing at them when suddenly you heard a man's voice behind you.

_**"A girl like you shouldn't be alone at this party. You should be the one gaining attention. Want a drink?" **_

You turned around to look at Joey Richter smiling and with two glasses of some drink. You smiled at him and received the drink he was offering, trying to not fangirl over him.

_**"Yeah, sure. Why not?"**_ You said and took a sip of the drink. Damn, it was a strong drink. It seemed tequila or something. Anyway, you kept drinking it.

You stayed talking a lot, and also drinking a lot. You were already bit tipsy and you were laughing like a fool about everything and making stupid jokes. You could notice that Joey was tipsy also because he couldn't focus his sight and that made you laugh. Then Joey dragged you to the dance floor and you both started dancing like two insane people, having a blast. Wow, an hour ago you were really bored and now you were having a blast. That was amazing. Everything around you was a little blurred and it seemed that everything was spinning, but you didn't care because you were having fun with Joey. Then a song started to play and it seemed that it was Joey's favorite because he squealed and started dancing like a crazy with you. A few people around you started to look at you both and joined at your dancing, laughing. Oh geez, that was so fun. Then Joey caught you looking at the people that were doing the body shots.

_**"That's so funny, isn't it?"**_ Joey screamed at your ear, because of the loud music.

_**"I couldn't tell. Never did it before."**_

_**"What the hell? Haven't you done that before? Oh girl, come with me right now. We're doing this! You're about to find what's really fun in this life!"**_ Joey said excited and took you where those people where. _**"Ladies and gentlemen, this girl has never ever done this before."**_

The people there looked at you amazed and they grabbed salt, lemon and a little glass filled with tequila.

_**"Well then, what are you waiting for to try it?"**_ A man said. You recognized him. It was Joe Walker. _**"C'mon, Joey you're doing it first to show the girl how to do his! Girl, free your neck!"**_

You pulled your hair on your neck to let Joe put salt in it as you put the slice of lemon in your mouth. Joey smiled and licked the salt of your neck, drank the glass of tequila and then quickly sucked the slice of lemon. Oh holy shit that was really funny. Then Joe put salt in Joey's neck and a slice of lemon in his mouth as he gave you a glass of tequila.

_**"Your turn, girl! Make it good!"**_ Joe said winking and then laughed.

You did exactly the same that Joey has done to you, licking Joey's neck slowly before lick the salt. You drank the tequila; it felt as if the tequila were burning your throat so you quickly reached Joey's mouth to suck the slice of lemon. After you sucked the lemon, Joey spat the lemon slice to kiss you deeply. Oh wow, you weren't expecting that. Everything was spinning and you couldn't understand a shit of all that was happening. The kiss was feeling so good, but damn you couldn't do it. Before you could pull Joey softly, someone pushed Joey away robustly. A feeling of chill ran through your body when you saw Darren punching Joey's face.

_**"What the hell is your problem, Darren?"**_ Joey yelled confused.

_**"Stop fucking messing around her, Joey!"**_ Darren yelled angry. You just stood there froze, without knowing what to do. A lot of people were staring at you in silence.

_**"I'm not messing around her, Darren. I just kissed her, what the fuck is the damn problem with that?"**_ Joey said, touching the place where Darren punched him.

_**"What's the fucking problem, Joey? Do you have any idea of who she is? I bet you don't even know what her name is!"**_ Darren was furious. You never saw Darren like that before. Joey stayed silent. _**"That's what I thought. Fuck off Joey before I punch your face again."**_

_**"Since when are you such a party pooper, Darren?"**_ Joey was really confused at Darren's reaction.

_**"Since she's the girl I met in NYC five months ago."**_ Darren said, still in a rage.

_**"Oh shit. Man, I'm sorry. I...I didn't know...I..."**_ Joey's face was reflecting horror at that time.

_**"Get out of here, Joey."**_ Darren simply said, still upset but trying to control himself.

Joey looked at Darren in horror and he tried to say something, but Darren looked away biting his lips so Joey just went away from there. You were shocked for all that happened. Slowly, you approached Darren who was still looking away trying to control his rage. You placed your hand in his arm but he pulled your hand away roughly. He looked at you angry. Oh shit, you've never seen Darren like that and it was very scary.

_**"Get out of here you too."**_ Darren said gruffly.

_**"W-what? Dar-Darren..."**_ You stuttered, freaking out for Darren's reaction. Suddenly you were more sober than ever. _**"Darren...listen..."**_

_**"I said get out of here. I don't wanna talk to you."**_ It seemed that Darren was going to explode of anger.

_**"Darren, we were just...just doing body shots, because I never did it before. And...I just wanted to know how it feels." **_

_**"Oh right, I forgot that now people call body shots at the action to penetrate with the tongue of a person the throat of another. How very interesting!"**_ Darren said sarcastically and full of wrath, raising his hands.

_**"What the hell Darren?"**_ You said this time angry too. _**"It wasn't like that. Darren...Darren! Look at me!"**_ You almost yelled.

_**"Sorry, but I don't wanna look a whore such as you are."**_ Darren said, exploding with anger.

You froze when you heard his words. You looked at him deeply into his eyes hurt, frowning and with your mouth opened.

_**"Yeah...right."**_ You said heartbrokenly and quickly turned away to leave the party as fast as you could.

It seemed that Darren realized what he said to you because he started to yell your name behind you. But you didn't stop. You started to run trying to not to stumble with something in your way, because your eyes were filled with tears and you couldn't see anything. You knew that people were staring at you; you knew that some people were trying to stop you. But you ran the fastest you could. You only ran and ran to nowhere, but you were going at Darren's apartment. You needed to go away from there. When you arrived at Darren's apartment, no one was there. You went to the guest room that was your bedroom and slammed the door behind you, locking it. You grabbed your suitcase and started to pack all your things, still crying wildly. Your entire body was trembling and you had to stop yourself of doing what you were doing because you were dropping everything. You lay down in bed to grab and hug the pillow and started crying even more inconsolably. You didn't even have the chance to explain Darren what has happened between you and Joey. You were tipsy; you didn't want to kiss each other. It just happened somehow and you knew that was wrong, that you shouldn't have done that. But you weren't looking for that kiss. You barely knew what you were doing at that moment. But yes, you were guilty. But Darren had no need to call you a whore, because you weren't. You thought that by this time Darren knew you well, but no. He obviously had no idea who you were. That broke your heart, because you really loved him. But he didn't love you; he couldn't love you if he didn't even know who you really were. You were living in a fantasy. - Of course, stupid girl. How could you think that Darren Criss loved you? - All that seemed to make you happy suddenly vanished. You were feeling lonelier than ever. You were feeling weak again, very weak. You thought you had already overcome it, but no. You just wanted to finish with all the pain inside that was destroying you, which was destroying every part of you. But you needed to keep strong. You were going to find the way to carry on. But right now you didn't know what to do. You wanted to leave, to run away to never come back. You needed to do it, so you sat and started to pack your things again. Suddenly you heard how the front door opened and someone ran to your bedroom, trying to open your door and then that person started to knock it repeatedly.

_**"Boo, please open the door. We need to talk, open the door."**_ Darren said behind your door.

You stayed quiet trying to not make any noise. Darren's voice denoted repentance, but you didn't move. Then you heard how Darren's body slipped through the door, sinking into the floor.

_**"I know you're there. Please, I need to talk to you. Please I beg you to open the door." **_You stayed quiet, shedding tears. _**"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean anything of that. I overreacted, I know. I never... I never wanted to hurt you. You...you..."**_ Darren stayed quiet for a while. Apparently he was crying, but anyway you didn't open the door nor talked. _**"Please, I don't wanna lose you. You're very important to me. Open the door; I know you're there and that you're listening to me! I beg you." **_You did nothing; you weren't ready to talk to him. Not in this way. _**"I...I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry."**_

After Darren said that, he stood up and walked away from your bedroom. You started to cry again and in that way you fell asleep.

* * *

You woke up that morning with a huge headache and eyes swollen on crying. You decided that the best was going to leave there. You weren't feeling good to talk to Darren. You were more confused than ever, you needed time to think about everything and you couldn't do it there. When you were about to unlock you bedroom door, you heard two people talking. You put your ear to the door to hear better. Darren and Chuck were talking.

_**"Darren, you need to chill out."**_ Chuck said quietly.

_**"How am I supposed to chill out, Chuck? How?"**_

_**"In first place, you should know that she and Joey were tipsy. They didn't know what they were doing."**_

_**"No! You're kidding me. I swear I had no idea that both of them were drunk!"**_ Darren said sarcastically. _**"You know...people say that when you're drunk you do things that you really want to do but you don't dare when you're sober."**_

_**"People sometimes talk bullshit, Darren. I thought you knew it. You know very well that when you're drunk you do stupid things. And don't you dare to say that you didn't know it, because I've seen you drunk several times, Darren. You know that when you're drunk sometimes you can't control your body, and it doesn't mean that you really want to do it. I'm sure she didn't know what she was doing. Neither Joey. So, for god sake chill out."**_

_**"I called her a whore, Chuck."**_

_**"I know. You shouldn't have called her that way. You know she isn't a whore. She's the nicest girl I've ever met."**_

_**"I fucking know, Chuck. Thanks to have reminded me that! I don't know why I called her that way. I guess...I guess...Damn, Chuck. I was fucking jealous to see them together. I couldn't be just standing there, pretending that I didn't feel anything at all. Because I...I wanted to be...Shit, Chuck. I was so upset, so jealous."**_

_**"Darren..."**_

_**"I didn't want to lose her, then I called her a whore and...Oh holy shit. Fuck, Chuck. I screwed everything. Everything we had, I threw it all at the hell. I fucking screwed it all; I'm the biggest asshole in the entire earth."**_

_**"Darren, listen to me. You're not perfect, bro. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she's not perfect either. But the question is, whether or not you're perfect for each other." **_Chuck said vividly.

_**"Yeah...Chuck, but..."**_

_**"Darren, we all make mistakes, we just need to learn how to overcome those mistakes. If you both can do that, then what you have is gonna get stronger. You know that, bro. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Don't let this kill what you both have achieved. Don't give up on her, Darren. I've never seen you happier than when you are around her. If you really love her, go for her, Darren. Don't act as a scared child, you won't get anywhere at all with that."**_

_**"What the hell would I do without my big bro to kick my ass and make me find the straightway whenever I'm blind, deaf or lost?"**_

_**"That's why I'm gonna being always here to be a pain in your ass."**_

_**"Thank you, Chuck."**_

_**"C'mere, stupid little bro."**_

At that moment it seemed that both of them hugged each other. What the hell was all of that? Your head couldn't stop thinking at full speed. Then you heard something else.

_**"I have to go now, Darren. But remember. Don't give up on your relationship with her. If you can't talk to her, talk to her in the same way you met. By letters. Bye, little bro. I hope to hear some good news from you."**_

_**"I hope so. Thanks, big bro. And tell your ass to come here more often!"**_ Darren giggled and opened the door.

It seemed that Chuck has already left the apartment, because Darren has closed the door. Then you heard how Darren's steps were coming closer to where your bedroom was and your heart started to beat faster. But apparently Darren came into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. Then the infernal silence appeared again. That was your chance to leave Darren's apartment, but you couldn't do it for some reason. Instead leaving, you lay down in bed thinking about that conversation that Darren and Chuck have had minutes before. After several minutes you heard how Darren left his bedroom and stood in front your door. After some seconds, you saw how a note slipped under the door. You waited till Darren went away from behind your door to get up from bed and grab the note. It was short.

**"I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry until the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. I hope you can forgive me and we can start over again, this time to do the right things and being honest with ourselves."**

You couldn't help but shed some tears. The note was very short, but it said a lot of things. A whole lot. And you knew he was being honest with every word he wrote. It was just beautiful but sad at the same time. It was time to talk to Darren. You finally unlocked the door and opened it slowly. You went to Darren's bedroom, but he wasn't there. You looked for him in the kitchen, in the dining room, in the balcony, in the bathroom. Darren wasn't anywhere. Maybe he went for a walk. But then you went to his music room. You opened the door as slowly as you could, trying to make no noise. Darren was there, focused at playing a song on the piano. He was playing the song that Darren had taught you. Darren didn't notice your presence, so you just stayed standing there, watching Darren playing the piano till he finished and he started to sob. You approached him slowly.

_**"Can i sit next to you?"**_ You asked to Darren and he looked up to you surprised and then he looked away, trying to wipe his tears and then he nodded. You sat next him. _**"We need to talk."**_

Darren nodded and then there was an awkward silence. This wasn't going to be easy and that freaked you out, because you didn't even know what to do, what to say or where to start. You didn't know what you were doing, but you weren't unsure about something. You really needed to talk to him.

_**"Right...so...uhmm..."**_ You started to say nervous.

_**"I'm really sorry for everything I've done and said to you."**_ Darren said, interrupting you and looking into your eyes with a tearful look.

_**"I'm really sorry for everything too, Darren. Yes, you hurt me in the deepest of my heart. But i know I hurt you too. So I'm sorry."**_ You said looking into his eyes, also with a tearful look.

_**"I didn't mean to screw everything. You...you're important to me, more important than you think. I love the way you make me feel, I love the person that I am when I'm with you, I love all that. And...I didn't want to lose you. I...I need you, boo."**_ Darren said, almost sobbing. He was doing a big effort to not to cry.

_**"Why do you need me, Darren? After all I've done and said to you and after all I haven't done for you...Why do you need me?"**_

_**"I need you because I love you."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes. You kept staring at him, without saying anything. _**"And I don't love you in the way I was supposed to love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You're my love and my best friend. Everyday that goes by it seems like I discover something new about you to love. It's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life. You touch me in a way no one else ever has, and you have given me so many reasons to smile. I've never been so happy... and I've never been so in love."**_

You stared at Darren very deeply and amazed. You felt like your heart would break off of your body because it was beating at full speed. Your body could not stop shaking. You barely could think, everything was being a mess. You were feeling extremely weird. Was Darren telling you that he was in love with you? That he was feeling something more than only friendship? You were shocked. You loved Darren. But you weren't expecting this. Suddenly Darren stood up and left the room. You didn't follow him, you couldn't move. You were trying to set down all that recently happened, trying to think clearly. But after few seconds, Darren came back with the famous book. Silently, he gave you the book. You looked at him and grabbed the book to open it. Darren sat next to you again, this time looking at his lap in silence. You went to the pages where you had finished writing the two together. Darren had added new things to the book. There were a lot of pictures of you. You looked up at him, but he was still looking at his lap in silence, so you kept looking at the book and reading what he wrote.

"**I read once that love is friendship on fire. That's how I feel about you."**

"**Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."**

"**I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, and I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you."**

Oh hot damn. Darren was in love with you all this time and you didn't even realize it. Everything started to make sense. The way he wanted always to snuggle up to you, the way he looked at Chuck when he was about to say something he shouldn't, the way he freaked out when he saw you with Joey, the way he was talking to Chuck this morning about you, the twinkle in his eyes every time he looked at you straight in your eyes. Everything had been so obvious, but you were so oblivious. Your heart was beating in a senseless speed, you thought you were about to die in a matter of seconds. But you didn't die, you didn't faint, you only shed some tears, but those weren't sad tears. You didn't even know what those tears were. You looked up to Darren, who was still looking at his lap; he was nervous, ashamed, and uncomfortable but relaxed at the same time.

_**"Darren..."**_ You started to say gently, your voice trembling.

_**"Have you ever felt like you were just really meant to be with somebody? Like your whole life was just kind of this big mess that just kinda kept happening up until the day when this unbelievable person came into your life, and then suddenly, you know, you didn't feel so lost anymore. You felt like everything you thought you'd been doing wrong in your life, you're actually doing it right, because that whole time she was coming closer to you. You just weren't smart enough to know it, or brave enough to just tell her."**_ Darren said and finally he looked into your eyes deeply. His eyes were tearful, but there was the twinkle again. He came closer to you, he was very close. He clutched your hands and placed them in his heart. His heart was beating as fast as yours was. _**"I try to keep you away from my mind. I try to stop feeling this way every time I see you. I try to keep what we have, to not screw this. I try to keep being your friend; I try to convince myself that I'm not in love with you. And then I look over at you, and I'm blinded. You are six inches from my face and you are so fucking beautiful, I can't even focus my eyes."**_

You thought in that moment you were going to just melt, you entire body was trembling so hard and you couldn't help it. You couldn't think about anything because as soon as Darren stopped talking, he placed his hands on your cheeks and leaned to kiss your lips very softly. At first you didn't kiss him back because it took you by surprise. You didn't know if you were doing the right think. But you wanted that, you were feeling in the same way than Darren. You placed a hand in his chest and the other one in his hair to kiss him back. Darren came up closer and placed a hand on your waist and the other one in your jaw, to deep the kiss. He was breathing fast and so were you. You didn't know how long that kiss was, but you knew that was your very first kiss in a long time. You knew that kiss was real; it was what both of you wanted since a long time ago. You knew that kiss was the proof of how much you loved each other. And nothing could be more perfect. Finally you broke the kiss gently.

_**"I'm so in love with you too, Darren. And it took me a lot to realize it, to accept it. I was scared, so scared. But then, then I figured out that we can do this, we can make this works. I don't need anything but you. And as you said, I need you because I love you."**_ You whispered in front of his lips. Darren smiled sweetly and fondly before kissing your lips again.

_**"This is gonna work. Because our love is all we need to make it through."**_

That night, both of you realized that anything could go wrong. You were loving each other and anything else mattered but the two of you. That night, you settle down. That night, everything between you changed. It changed forever, because you finally found love and that was the only thing that you needed to be happy. No regrets, just love.


	3. Chapter 3

_Darren and you finally admit that you loved each other. Everything seems to be perfect, until something you weren't expecting, comes to happen. You love each other and you want to be with each other, but it's not easy when in a relationship, a third appears. What would you be if suddenly your relationship turns into a love triangle? Would you be the same person as ever? Would you let this to ruin what you have with Darren? Sometimes, we cannot avoid some situations, sometimes everything is out our control. Sometimes you have to take decisions that can change everything. Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

A/N: I'm really overwhelmed by your reviews! Thank you very much guys, it really means a lot for me and I'm glad you like to read the stories as much as I enjoy writing it. Again, I didn't plan to write a third part but it seems you enjoy this story, so i decided to write it. Now I'm not gonna bug you any longer and I'm gonna let you read the third part of "Chain Letters". Hope you guys like it!

* * *

Chain Letters. Part 3.

* * *

"_**Boo? I have plans for today."**_ Darren said, snuggling up to you even closer. You felt his chest pressing your back, while Darren wrapped his hands around your waist.

After having admitted that you both felt, you spent hours cuddling. Although both were very frantic and excited to have finally admitted that you loved each other, both were very tired because you'd been crying. For that reason, you decided to go to sleep, this time together, in Darren's bedroom. After all, you'd have plenty of time to continue enjoying time together and explore your lips. When Darren kissed you that night, was the best thing that happened to you. You wanted to kiss him since a long time ago, to see how it'd feel kissing his lips, but you always had that desire repressed for fear of losing a friend. But now you knew that Darren felt the same as you. His lips were as you'd imagined even better than what you'd imagined. His lips were very soft but a little rough at the same time, they were firm lips. Darren was a good kisser. His kiss started slowly, as he leaned his hand on your upper neck, then he deepened the kiss keeping the rhythm for a while and went back to soften the kiss, gently biting your lower lip from time to time. Just by his kisses, Darren made you experience something that you had never experienced before, he made you feel emotionally attached what actually was weird on you; he made you feel that tingling in the tummy sensation. You couldn't understand how you'd controlled yourself that night to not get carried away by the passion you were feeling. Although, you were grateful for that because you definitely didn't want to rush everything, you wanted to take things slowly and just enjoy what you were experiencing. But Darren was so irresistible for you. You couldn't understand how you'd been so lucky to be with him in this way, all seemed very surreal like you were dreaming and you couldn't wake up. But if it was a dream, you didn't want to wake up ever.

You and Darren were lying in bed together, and it felt great to be curled up to him. It'd always been very nice to be snuggled up to him, but this time was different from all those times you'd been huddled in bed, because this time neither of you had to worry or feel nervous if your lips touched accidentally. Darren started to gently rub his cheek on your shoulder while you grabbed Darren's hands which were resting on your waist, smiling pleasantly.

"_**What do you mean? What plans do you have? Do you really have to work or something?"**_ You said sighing and pouting. You really didn't want Darren to leave.

"_**None of that. I have plans for both of us." **_Darren said, kissing gently your shoulder and smiling.

"_**Really? What plans?"**_ You asked intrigued, still with your eyes closed and smiling pleasantly.

"_**Hmmm…plans."**_ Darren answered hoarsely, what sounded extremely sensual.

Darren stopped kissing your shoulder to start kissing gently all your neck slowly going up to your jaw line. He gently placed his lips against your neck, behind your ear. Then he sent a shudder through your skin by gently growling and humming. _- Oh what the hell is he doing? Oh damn, this feels so…fucking good. _– Darren was officially teasing you; he really needed to stop that because you were already turning on. But you didn't do anything to stop him; you couldn't because it was feeling so good, you wanted more. You tried to turn around to kiss his lips, but Darren prevented you from moving. Then Darren pressed his body against you, starting to rub his hands in your stomach under your shirt while he started to kiss your earlobe and then suck it softly. You let out a softly moan and tried to turn around again to face Darren. This time, Darren let you turn around, and as soon as you did it, he pulled you against him even closer. This time, Darren let you turn around, and as soon as you did it, he pulled you against him even closer. You didn't know when that happened, but Darren was shirtless and you could feel the warmth of his bare chest. Darren lined up his lips with yours and slowly he licked your bottom lip. You opened your mouth slightly and Darren brushed your upper lip slowly. Then he tilted his head slightly to one side to angle his face with yours, giving you a gentle and soft closed-mouth kiss. Then Darren started to brush his tongue against your lips ever so slightly and you parted your lips, so Darren gently pushed his tongue a little farther into your mouth and playfully you both started to touch tongues. Darren let out a groan in the kiss and so you did. During the kiss, Darren placed his hands in your hips and slowly moved them around your back, while he intertwined his legs with yours, pulling you against his body while you started to rub his naked chest slowly. Then Darren leaned slowly to get on top of you and slowly he started to lift your shirt to finally take it off. Darren stopped kissing your mouth to slowly start kissing your neck, going down. He teased your neck, mixing kisses with licking and sucking. You moaned at this action, god it was feeling extremely pleasant. Darren went straight to your stomach and started to lick it, teasing around your belly button as you arched your back. Then he licked slowly your abdomen going up to your neck again.

_**"Darren..."**_ You groaned, with your eyes closed and panting.

Darren suddenly stopped and you opened your eyes to look at him confused. - Why the hell has he stopped? - Darren was looking at you with a mischievous smile, resting his chin on your breast. Then he reached your lips again and kissed you softly. He looked at you again with the same mischievous smile before stand up and walk away from you. You looked at him confused and a little upset. - What the hell is he doing? Dammit, he cannot leave me right now. Not now. Damn, I'm so turned on. Why is he leaving the bedroom? -

_**"Darren... What? What are you doing?"**_ You asked from the bed, looking at him a little desperate. Darren turned around to look at you lustfully, smiling naughtily.

_**"I said I had plans for both of us today. So get up and get ready to go." **_Darren said grinning amusingly and turned back to leave the bedroom.

_**"What the fuck Darren?"**_ You yelled from bed as you buried your head in your pillow.

_**"Get ready, boo! We don't wanna be late!"**_ Darren yelled from the kitchen and you could hear how he was laughing.

"_**Asshole."**_ You said in a whisper as you sat in bed, a little upset and trying to chill out.

Okay, that was so embarrassing. The way you were looking at him desperate as he walked away from you with that amused smile. How the hell could he had done that? And he left the bedroom as if nothing had happened. Oh god, you hated him so much. You grabbed your shirt that was dropped on the floor and put it on to go to the bathroom and wet your head with cold water. After you chilled out, you went to the kitchen right where Darren was. He was peaceful, making breakfast with a big smile on his face. That's it. He wanted to tease? That was going to be what he was going to get. If he could tease you, you could tease him as well. You quietly sat on the chair and avoided his look. Darren approached the table and gave you a cup of coffee. He stood behind you, placed his hands on your shoulders and leaned to kiss your neck, but you pulled him away softly.

_**"Thanks for the coffee, Darren."**_ You said smiling and you took a sip. Darren sat next to you, also smiling. _**"Oh it's delicious. But I'm starving. Can I take some cookies?" **_You looked at him intensely into his eyes, while you licked your lips slowly after you took another sip of coffee. Darren had his eyes fixed on your mouth and he gulped before answer.

_**"Yeah, sure. Hold on..."**_ Darren said and he attempted to stand up but you stopped him.

_**"No, stay here. I'll get the cookies by myself."**_ You said smiling and stood up to walk towards the cabinet where the cookies were, swinging your hips slightly.

You knew you couldn't reach the cookies, because even though Darren was short, you were shorter than him. Then Darren did exactly what you were expecting him to do. He approached you to help you get the cookies. He stood behind you and placed his hands on your hips, leaning his head to whisper in your ear.

_**"May I help you?"**_ Darren whispered as you turned your head to look at him.

_**"I'd love that."**_ You whispered in front of his lips, seductively. Darren shuddered a bit and then he fixed his eyes on your mouth, with his lips parted.

_**"Hmmm, yeah."**_ Darren groaned softly, but he didn't do any attempt to reach the cookies, he kept his hands placed on your hips.

Then the moment you were expecting came. Darren pulled you closer, pressing your body against him and he leaned to kiss your lips. You let him kissing you and you deepened the kiss, placing a hand in his waistband and the other hand in his head, messing up his curls. Darren pulled you against the kitchen counter and again he pressed his body against yours while he started to rub your inner thigh. You slowly crept away your hand from his waistband to his ass. Darren groaned softly within the kiss and it made him thrust his hips against yours. You gently pinched his ass, what made Darren thrust his hips against yours again, but this time he started to lift your shirt. Then you stopped kissing him to suck his lower lip and slightly you nibbled it. Darren lifted you up and sat you on the kitchen counter, placing his body between your legs. You sucked his lower lip again slowly and then you nibbled his lips again, this time a little harder. Darren couldn't focus his sight at this time, and tried to kiss you hurriedly, but you turned your face to slowly pull him back and then you reached the pot of cookies.

_**"Hmmm, I got my cookies!"**_ You said, smiling naughtily and then you returned to the table, leaving Darren alone in the kitchen.

_**"Teaser."**_ Darren yelled from the kitchen. He didn't go to the table until minutes later. _**"Revenge?"**_

_**"Oh please, Darren. I'm not vindictive. I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine."**_ You smiled amused and ate a cookie, looking into Darren's eyes. _**"Anyway, you said we didn't want to be late. So I'm just rushing."**_

_**"You're such a sneaky devil, you know that right?"**_ Darren sat and started to drink his coffee.

_**"Oh, I'll take it as a compliment."**_ You said, smiling victoriously. _**"So, are you gonna tell me what's you plan?"**_

"_**I'm not telling you a shit now."**_ Darren said, faking an offended face.

"_**Okay… then I'm just gonna take a shower and take a walk in this amazing day."**_ You said, jokingly. Darren quickly looked up at you but you avoided his look.

"_**You wouldn't do that." **_Darren said quietly.

"_**Oh, wanna bet?**_" You said defiantly and stood up to walk to the bathroom, amused. Darren stood up as well and grabbed you by your wrist.

"_**Oh, c'mon." **_Darren said looking into your eyes. You shrugged and turned back to walk to the bathroom again, but Darren took you by your waist and pulled you against him. _**"What I planned…it's a surprise. And I won't tell you because I don't wanna mess it up."**_

"_**Should I trust you?"**_ You asked, looking at him suspiciously.

"_**What kind of shit question is that? I thought you trusted me."**_ Darren said faking an offended face and placing his right hand on his chest.

"_**Oh you're such a goober! Okay, yes. I trust you. But at least it's fair if you give me any clue! I mean, I don't know if we're gonna stay here, if I should change my clothes because we're going out, if we're gonna…"**_ You started to say, slurred.

"_**Don't worry about anything! I already prepared everything while you were still sleeping. Probably you'd want to change your clothes, yes. Although going out on pajamas is cool."**_ Darren interrupted you laughing.

"_**Alright, no. It's not cool going out on pajamas. It's embarrassing. I still don't understand what cool means to you."**_ You said frowning but smiling. _**"And why didn't you wake me up? Oh damn, that's embarrassing too. I hope you didn't find me snoring or drooling."**_ You laughed, and so did Darren.

"_**Well, I'm gonna tell you a secret."**_ Darren said, getting closer to you, to whisper in your ear. _**"Sometimes I wake up before you do and I watch you sleep and I'm overwhelmed because you're so amazing and I don't know why I'm lucky enough to have you in my life; that you're here with me. And I know that I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you make me. So… that's all this surprise thing about."**_

You looked at Darren, straight in the eyes. You didn't like when people watched you sleeping, but he said it in a very cute and sweet way that you couldn't even say something to him. And Darren was telling you that he considered himself lucky to have you, but actually you were the lucky one to have him with you. You looked at Darren very intensely. Darren was perfect, literally perfect and you didn't believe a shit about that thing people used to say that no one is perfect. Or at least, Darren was perfect for you. Not only he was extremely funny, cheerful, goofy and silly; but he was nice, kind, sweet and adorable besides extremely attractive and sexy. Yes, you were the lucky one. You never could understand why a person like Darren was interested in a girl like you; you gave up on thinking about that because you couldn't find the answer. But there was Darren, looking at you fondly and you just melted. You looked at him with a fondly smile and then you hugged him tightly. Darren hugged you back as he kissed your head, gently rubbing your back.

"_**You don't have to try hard to make me happy, Darren. You could give me a gum wrapper and I'd be super happy."**_ You said softly against his chest. Darren pulled you away gently to grab your cheeks and smile widely before peck your lips.

"_**You're so adorable. But I want to do this; I'd do anything for you."**_ He smiled and patted your hair. _**"Now, c'mon. Change yourself while I grab the suitcases."**_

_**"What? Suitcases?"**_ You looked at Darren confused.

_**"Yeah, suitcases. We're gonna run away from here to have a blast somewhere else. So, hurry up!"**_ Darren said excited. You looked at him frowning but amused before going to the bedroom to change your clothes.

You stayed in the bedroom for a while, looking back on everything that happened in your life. A year ago, you were a depressed person who thought that nothing in your life could improve. You were a person who was lost in middle of this world; a person who thought that nothing good could come up, a hopeless person. And you were very weak, you always tried to run away from your problems, you never talked about them and you never did something to change it. You only thought that you had to survive in this world, because nothing was worth it. You had nothing, no family, no friends, no job, you had no one to love and be loved. Your life sucked. But now everything was completely the opposite, like very insanely different than that time. And a lot of years of pain changed abruptly in only a year. And everything changed thanks to Darren and his letters. How could a letter make such a difference in your life? You didn't know the answer, but you were sure about something: that really happened. Now that time when you were a depressed person seemed so far away. How could you think that nothing could improve? If that day you tried to kill yourself you hadn't received that letter, if you had get to kill yourself, nothing of what you were living now would be happening. You wouldn't have met Darren, you wouldn't have known what really love is, you wouldn't be able to experience finally how it feels to love and be loved. Darren had changed your life for good, he saved your life. And that was the main reason why you loved him that much. You thought that sometimes it doesn't matter for how long you know a person, what really matters is how intensely you've been through a lot of situations. There are some people you know for a lifetime and they never get to be close to you, because you don't share with them everything about you; and there are people you know for a very short time and you can't imagine living without them, because you gave them everything about you and they gave you everything about them. And that was what you had with Darren. Darren made you feel in a way you didn't feel since a long time ago; he was the person who always was trying to make you smile, to show you how wonderful life is when you're not alone; he was the person who showed you that even when we're lost and when everything seems to be lost, it really is not because we don't know what could happen, because there's still hope and there are still many things to live. Darren showed you that it doesn't matter how down you were, never is late to start over again; even if he didn't know he had done all that to you. With him you felt safe and loved, and it was a thing you wouldn't trade for anything in the world. That's why you loved him with all your heart, why he meant so much to you. You couldn't believe that all of this was happening to you, that you finally found the right way, that you found a person like him to share all your life. Because you wanted that, you wanted to spend all your life next to him because you've never been happier in your life, because he was the most extraordinary person you've ever met. You didn't want to let him go and you wanted to make him feel just as good and happy as he was making you feel. You wanted to give him the best in the world, because he really deserved all that. You kept thinking about how life can change abruptly when you less expect, how after all the suffering you can come back to be happy again. Suddenly, everything that made you unhappy vanished, it wasn't important, it was nothing compared to the happiness you were feeling now. You thought that after all life is still worth it. A little tear ran down your face while Darren poked his head out the door.

"_**Boo, are you ready to leave?"**_ Darren asked, looking at you. You looked up to him with tearful eyes but smiling, what made Darren frown and come up to you, sitting on the edge of the bed and wrapping an arm around you. _**"Hey, are you crying?"**_

"_**No, I'm not crying."**_ You looked at him, still with tearful eyes and smiling.

"_**So why is a tear running down your face? Hey, if you don't feel good to go somewhere we can leave it for another day. I'm here with you; you can tell me everything you want."**_ Darren said sweetly, gently kissing your cheek.

"_**No, Dar. I'm just happy. So happy."**_ You looked at him fondly and pecked his lips. _**"I'm ready to go."**_

"_**Are you sure?"**_ Darren asked concerned, looking deeply into your eyes.

"_**More sure than ever."**_ You answered with a fondly smile, letting him know that you were being honest. He caught that, because he smiled at you widely.

"_**So just let's go. I'm gonna make you even happier, just as you deserve."**_

* * *

"_**Darren, where are we going?"**_

"_**This is the fifth time you ask me that. I told you, surprise!"**_

You and Darren had been traveling for a long time and were leaving the city. You had no idea where you were going. You tried to ask several times, but he always answered the same. You were a little upset, even though you enjoyed surprises, you didn't have much patience and not knowing where you were going made you feel nervous. Not because you didn't trust Darren, but because you really wanted to know where you were going, at least a clue. You kept looking out the car window until you came up with a way maybe you could convince Darren to tell you something. You didn't know what was going on with you, but lately you were so flirty and you couldn't stop teasing Darren. In a way, you liked to be that way with Darren, because you liked the expression on his face whenever you teased him. You stopped looking out the window of the car to look at Darren in the eye, with a playful smile. Darren had his eyes fixed on the road.

"_**Darren…"**_ You started to say, getting closer to him while Darren kept his sight on the road, driving.

"_**I told you is a surprise, so if you're thinking to ask me where are we going, you won't get another answer than that."**_ Darren said, grinning.

"_**No, I wasn't about to ask you that."**_ You said, playfully.

"_**No? Okay then, what did you want to ask me?"**_

"_**I was thinking..."**_ You started to say with a mischievous smile, getting even closer to him to place your hand in Darren's inner thigh. Darren startled to feel your touch, but he kept his sight on the road. _**"Why don't you wanna tell me anything, not even a clue?"**_

"_**Because as I told you like six times, it's a surpr..."**_ Darren started to say, but he stopped suddenly when you started to rub his inner thigh and when you approached him to start kissing his neck. "_**Stop that."**_

"_**Why would I stop?"**_ You said seductively whispering in is ear while you started gently to suck his earlobe, still rubbing his inner thigh slowly. _**"I thought you liked my kisses."**_ You whispered again in his ear and softly nibbled his earlobe, starting to lick his neck behind his ear.

"_**Exactly for that reason. We don't wanna have a car accident, do we?"**_ Darren said, trying to control himself and it made you laugh but you didn't stop teasing him. Instead you kissed his jaw line slowly, pressing Darren's inner thigh. _**"Please, stop! Oh dammit, you really do whatever you can when you want to get something, don't you?"**_

"_**Yes, exactly Dar."**_ You whispered in his ear and nibbled it again a little harder as Darren let out a softly moan.

"_**Fine, fine. I'm gonna tell you a clue. Note to myself: surprises aren't good for boo. If you want to surprise her, stop right that because she's gonna try to kill yourselves to get what she wants."**_ Darren said chuckling as you laughed next to him and stopped teasing him. _**"We're going to somewhere we can walk, relax, swim and make a bonfire. That's all what I'm gonna tell you."**_

"_**Oh my god! We're going to the beach!"**_ You said surprised and happy. Darren quickly looked at you amazed and then he returned his sight on the road.

"_**Oh wow. There you are, the surprise is screwed."**_

"_**Oh I love it! I can't remember the last time I went to the beach. Oh my god, Dar!"**_ You said happily and kissed the corner of his mouth slightly. _**"This is the best surprise ever. I can't even thank you enough!"**_

"_**Right, right."**_ Darren said giggling. _**"Now are you gonna stop? I really wanna get there alive."**_

"_**Yes, I promise now I'm gonna stop."**_ You said smiling widely.

During the trip, you fell asleep. You knew that you were going to the beach, but you didn't know to which beach you were going to go. But you didn't bother to ask Darren, because just knowing that Darren was leading you to the beach made you happy. Darren knew how much you liked the beach and for how long you hadn't gone there, he knew that the last thing you wanted to do in your life would go to the beach, and this made sense as it seemed that you two were enjoying the most you could as if it were the last time. You fell asleep thinking of all the things that you could do on the beach together. Suddenly, you felt how the car stopped.

"_**Boo, wake up, we've arrived!"**_ Darren said smiling and kissing your lips softly as you opened slowly your eyes.

You were in front of a huge house, a very nice place. You thought you were going to some hotel or something, but you were apparently in a house. The house was facing the sea and it was really wonderful. You looked at the house and the landscape amazed, the weather was warmth and nice. You went out the car and stayed stand in front the house till Darren approached you and grabbed your hand.

"_**We're in Dockweiler Beach and this is a house that we bought with my StarKid buddies a long time ago."**_ Darren led you to the front door, holding your hand. _**"We were used to come here and partying when we were in college. It's a cool place; it's the only place where you can make a bonfire. Oh I have so many stories about it!"**_ Darren said with a big smile, with a nostalgic look. "C'mon, let's go get in."

Darren opened the door and you just stood there, looking everything around you. That was an amazing place indeed. It wasn't so luxury but it had a lot of cool places, all that a StarKid would need to make funny things. But it seemed that someone was there, because there were some clothes dropped on the floor and there was some food on a coffee table, also you could listen some music coming from another room. Darren stood there frowning; apparently surprised that someone was there.

"_**That's weird. I didn't know someone was here. Hold on boo, I'm gonna check who's here." **_Darren said and pecked your lips before going to the room where the music was coming from.

You looked around again and you walked up to the couch to sit there and wait for Darren. Once there, you saw the clothes lying on the floor. Apparently there was more than one person because there were man and woman clothes. You wondered who could be there. Darren had told you that it was a house that he'd bought with his StarKid buddies, so probably the people who were there were his StarKid friends, or at least some of them. Well, definitely you weren't going to be alone with Darren but you thought it could be funny anyways. After several minutes, Darren returned and approached you.

_**"Well boo, we're not gonna be alone. Apparently some people decided to come over here and have a party. And, obviously for some lame reasons they haven't invited either me or you." **_Darren said and then some people walked up to where you were.

You tried to control your desire to fangirl when you saw Joey Ritcher, Joe Walker, Brian Holden, Joe Moses, Dylan Saunders, Lauren Lopez, Meredith Stepien, Bonnie Gruesen, Jaime Lyn Beatty and Julia Albain coming up to the room. They weren't all of them, but holy shit they were a few StarKid. You wanted to have some time alone with Darren on the beach, but hell, be with all of them was amazing. _-Alright, try to control yourself, act naturally...-_

_**"Oh my god, is so awesome to meet all of you!"**_ You squealed, standing. _- Shit, you asshole. What happened with the part act naturally? -_ They looked at you amused while Darren raised his eyebrows in surprise.

_**"Well, yeah. Guys, she's the girl..."**_ Darren started to say to them, grabbing your hand.

_**"Oh, we know, man. Remember? We met her in the party..."**_ Joe Walker started to say with an amused grin while you blushed a little. Damn, that stupid party when you were drunk. They met you drunk, it was embarrassing. _**"Yeah, we know her. It's nice to see you again, girl!"**_

"_**Yeah, now you'll have the chance to meet me…in a better condition."**_ You said, smiling shyly.

"_**Oh, don't be so sure about it. Tonight. A bonfire. Music. Alcohol. A huge and totally awesome party. I don't know if any of us is gonna be sober, darling."**_ Jaime said laughing and she did high five with Dylan.

"_**Oh yeah, you're gonna get to know one of the StarKid ways straight to fun!"**_ Lauren said winking.

"_**You're gonna have a blast, girl! I can assure it's gonna be one of the funniest nights you'd ever have!" **_Brian said excited.

"_**Why that face, Darren?"**_ Julia asked, looking at Darren who was standing behind you with arms crossed and slightly frowning.

"_**I'm still super mad at y'all. I can't believe you didn't tell me a shit about all of this."**_ Darren said, still with the same expression.

"_**Oh, c'mon bud. You're here now, right?"**_ Joe Moses said, playfully hitting a punch on Darren's arm.

"_**Still. I don't get why you didn't tell me a damn shit about this."**_

"_**Man, chill out. We…we knew you were with your girl and we didn't want to bug any of you. And maybe because there's a…unwanted guest for you."**_ Joey said.

"_**What the hell do you mean with unwanted guest? Who else is here?"**_ Darren said looking at Joey suspiciously and a little nervous.

That was an odd situation and you couldn't understand any of that. Darren was looking at Joey straight in the eyes. Joey got nervous all of a sudden. The rest of the guys stayed in silence, watching at Darren and Joey. You also stayed in silence, but only because you didn't understand why all of them changed their faces.

"_**Uhm… No, no one else is here. It's just… the person is gonna come here at night, you know, for the party. Man, forget about it. We're here to have fun, right?"**_ Joey said, trying to sound relaxed.

"_**Right. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to come here. We should go."**_ Darren said looking at you and you looked at him surprised, raising your eyebrows. Why the hell was Darren acting like that? Few minutes ago he was happy and now he was in a bad mood.

"_**Oh dude, that's a shit. Stay at the party, you're gonna get fun. Anyway, have you considered what your girl wants to do?"**_ Dylan said, looking at Darren and you.

"_**What do you wanna do? Do you want to stay?"**_ Darren said looking at you in the eyes.

"_**Uhm…uhm, I don't…I don't know. I mean, it'd be fun to have a party but…if you don't want…then. I don't know whatever you want to do." **_You said nervously.

That was an uncomfortable situation. Everybody was looking at you intently and you really didn't know what to do. Of course you really wanted to be in that party because you were sure you'd have a blast with all of them; but it seemed as if Darren didn't want to be there. Darren kept looking into your eyes for a while until he sighed, looking down.

"_**Fine, we're staying."**_ Darren finally said.

"_**Cool, buddy! You won't regret at all!"**_ Meredith said happily.

"_**I hope so…"**_ Darren said looking at Joey seriously as Joey looked down before smile slightly.

And that was even odder.

* * *

It was already night and you all were sitting around a bonfire on the sand, insanely singing and dancing. All of you were already tipsy and no one could stop making jokes and laugh. They've told you that you were going to have a blast, but this was even more than a blast. You never had so much fun in your entire life, they all were so hilarious. Definitely you were happy that Darren finally decided to stay there. Of course it would've been good to stay with him alone, but this was too funny. You thought that you were going to feel uncomfortable with them; because all of them were friends since a long time ago and you just got to meet them, so probably you wouldn't understand their internal jokes and all that. But it was the opposite, they made you feel really included and they didn't stop to tell you funny stories that they all have lived through years. It seemed as if they liked you, and you were happy for that, they were a bunch of awesome people.

At some point of the party, you were dancing insanely with Joey, Lauren and Joe while Darren was singing and playing his guitar, having fun and laughing not only because of the alcohol in your body but because you were dancing in a derp way. When Darren finished singing that song he was playing, a girl who wasn't there before came up to where you all were. You knew who that girl was; you've seen her several times in pictures with them. It was Mia Swier, who was smiling widely. Alright. Something weird happened in that moment. Everybody looked at her with a nervous smile, as if they were happy to have her there with them but at the same time they were... freaking out? Then you looked just where Darren was. He was looking at her with an expression you couldn't find out. He was looking at her as if he were scared, nervous, upset and...sad? Okay, you couldn't understand any of this; you thought you were missing something there. Darren quickly got serious and looked down. Suddenly the party wasn't as funny as it was a few minutes ago.

_**"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late but finally I'm here! Wow, everybody seems to be tipsy already without me? That's not cool at all. Hey, Brian gimme a slug of that ass whup!"**_ Mia said cheerful and laughing. Then she looked at Darren. _**"Well, well, look who's here! Mr. Criss it's been a while since the last time we saw each other! You guys didn't tell me he was coming."**_ Mia said and approached Darren to kiss his cheek as Darren looked at her with a very slight smile. He seemed to be uncomfortable. Then Mia looked at you, frowning slightly. _**"And...You are?"**_

_**"She's Darren's girl. A pretty cool girl! Hey, we should sing the coolest girl to her!"**_ Bonnie said excited next to you as everybody cheered in approval as you giggled. _**"Darren, you know the song, so put your ass there and start playing it!"**_

Darren nodded with a smile but still a little uncomfortable. Darren was acting in a very odd way and you wondered if you'd done something wrong. Everybody started singing to you as you couldn't stop giggling, and because of the effects of alcohol you stood up to sing with them as they got surprised and started to cheer. Even Darren looked livelier now. The song finished and they approached you to lift you up as you made a gesture of gratitude, laughing. Okay, you were very tipsy but all of them were like you, except for Mia who just had arrived, but she was laughing as well. Then they started to sing again and you sat in the sand again, still giggling. Mia sat next to you and she smiled, looking at you.

_**"So...you're Darren's girl, right?"**_ Mia said, still smiling while you felt how Darren was staring covertly at where you both were.

_**"Yeah, I guess so."**_ You said laughing slightly. You had no idea why you were laughing, maybe because of the alcohol.

_**"Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Mia."**_ She said, stretching her hand.

_**"Yes, I know who you are. You're in this band...Shoot the Freak."**_ You said smiling and you stretched your hand to her.

_**"That's right."**_ Mia said smiling nicely. _**"Hey, would you mind to go for a walk? Obviously none of them would like to leave the party and I'd really like to walk along the beach. Of course, if you want. No pressure."**_

_**"Oh yes, why not? I love walking along the beach."**_ You said amused and you tried to stand up, but oh hell you were really tipsy that you stumbled. Mia laughed slightly and helped you to stand up. _**"Sorry about that. I guess the alcohol is working."**_

_**"Don't worry; in a few minutes I guess I'm gonna be like you."**_ Mia said laughing and grabbed your arm to help you to walk properly as you both went away to walk along the beach. Darren was so focused playing his guitar that he didn't notice you went away with Mia.

You walked along the beach for a while in silence, until you were really far away from that bonfire where everybody was. It was a really nice night and really that walking helped you to get better but anyway you were still a little tipsy. Mia was smiling next to you; apparently she really enjoyed walking along the beach as much as you. You thought that maybe you both could get along well, she seemed very nice to you. Suddenly she stopped and so did you.

"_**Alright, I think we walked a lot. We really are so far away from that bonfire." **_Mia said looking at you still smiling.

"_**Yeah, I think so. Do you want to come back?"**_ You asked politely.

"_**Oh no, I thought that you and I could talk a little before coming back."**_ Mia said, still smiling and raising an eyebrow.

"_**Oh well, yes. That seems funny."**_ You said happily.

"_**So…How did you and Darren meet?"**_ Mia asked looking at you very intently.

"_**Oh it's really funny, actually!"**_ You said laughing. _**"We met through letters, long ago."**_

"_**Letters?"**_ Mia asked widening her eyes in surprise and laughing.

"_**Yeah, letters. Crazy, right? Then we started to share a lot of things, until he finally went to NYC, which it's where I'm living right now. We spent an amazing time together, and then I came here to LA because he invited me, you know, for vacation and all that. Darren is a wonderful person. I know, it's crazy and insane all that about the letters and that shit, but somehow we get along so well, more than well I'd say. We're in something like a relationship right now, and it's so crazy because I never thought it could happen, but it just happened and I've never been this happy, you know? Sometimes I think I'm like in a dream, but then there's Darren and I know it's not a dream. It's just so awesome."**_ You said slurred and rambling because of the alcohol.

"_**Oh, you're in love with him, aren't you?"**_ Mia asked, looking at you very intently.

"_**Hell yeah. I'm so fucking in love with him."**_ You answered smiling widely.

"_**Listen to me, bitch."**_ Mia said, getting close to you and facing you. This time she didn't have a smile on her face, she was looking at you with hatred and threateningly. Suddenly you started to feel scared, you didn't know what was happening or why she was looking at you that way if it seemed like she was nice to you. Mia grabbed you by the wrist so hard that it was starting to hurt. _**"Get your tiny ass away from Darren and stop fucking messing around or my fist is gonna find your motherfucker face of fuckin' junkie. Just to be clear, Darren and I like to fuck each other and you're a stupid naive if you think you have chances with him, I'm just warning you darlin', you're gonna get hurt. So take a long walk off a short pier. Damn, you stink! Go get a life you moron and buzz off."**_

You stayed looking at her completely scared and astonished as she released your wrist sharply. She went away from there and you just stood there, completely astonished with fear and your body was trembling. You couldn't believe any of this. Why did she treat you like that? Why did she say all of those things? She seemed to be nice and polite, but instead of that she said terrible things to you that hurt you a lot. You even didn't know what you did to have deserved all that. You looked at your wrist. She had nailed her nails on your wrist sharply so now your wrist was bleeding and it was painful. You placed you other hand in your wrist to stop the bleeding and decided to come back to the house to put there some rubbing alcohol. But you didn't even know where you were. You didn't know this place, you were alone and you couldn't remember how you got there because you were so tipsy that you couldn't focus to where you were walking. And everything was so dark and silent. How would you find the way back to the house? Why did you decide to take a walk with a complete strange? But she was friends of Darren so you trusted her. You were huffy, gloomy and startled. But you couldn't stay there, so you started to walk to somewhere that you didn't know. The extremely silence was completely scaring; because at the minimum noise you were startled thinking that there was someone or something. You didn't know this place, you didn't know if there was a safe place or if in any moment a bad person or an animal could appear. But you kept walking. That girl had been so rude with you and you did nothing to her. Was she in love with Darren? She told you that the two of them liked to fuck each other. To fuck were her words. What kind of person was she? Not that you were so naive to think that sometimes people have sex with no feelings involved, but you couldn't imagine Darren being one of those people. Or was he? What if Darren was one of them? What if all this time all that Darren wanted was to get into your pants? No, you were thinking bullshit. Darren had told you that he loved you, and he said it in a very lovely way. He said it open-heartedness, there was sincerity in his eyes when he told you all that. And you trusted him, because he gave you reasons to trust him, because he'd done a lot of things for you without expecting anything in return. You were sure that Darren loved you as much as you loved him, so you wouldn't believe all that shit that a fucking bitch told you. You knew Darren and you didn't know her, so there was no way to trust in her words. You wouldn't let that someone like her screws the moment you were living with Darren. She was just jealous because Darren loved you, a normal and simple girl; instead her, a good-looking woman. You were still walking to somewhere in the dark, trying to find the place where the bonfire was. Then you heard some people singing out loud, so you ran over there, trying to follow the sound of those voices singing. Then you saw the bonfire and all the people there singing and dancing, but you didn't go there, you made your way to the house. You needed to put some rubbing alcohol on your wrist before it gets worse and you weren't really in mood to join them. You just wanted to lie in bed and if you could, to sleep and start a new day. Quickly, you ran to the house and came in. You were in your way to the bedroom you were going to sleep but something made you freeze. You hid behind the door and carefully you poked your head to see what was happening in the kitchen. Mia pulled Darren against the wall and she was pressing her body in his, kissing his neck slowly.

_**"What the hell are you doing Mia? Get out."**_ Darren said, trying to pull her away, but she pressed Darren against the wall again as she started to lick his neck behind his ear.

_**"What, Darren? You know that both of us want this. Remember that time in the pool of your parent's house? You could do the same right now and you know you're gonna love it. I know how to make you scream of pleasure."**_ Mia said in Darren's ear seductively. Darren shivered and tried to pull her away again but this time lazily.

_**"Now everything's different, Mia. So get out of here." **_Darren said softly, a little upset and a little hoarsely.

_**"Oh, is that because of that stupid and naive girl? C'mon Darren, she's so innocent. She's never gonna give you all you need, she doesn't know how to turn you on. I bet she totally sucks in bed, she seems so... inexperienced. Instead, I can give you a totally pleasant moment."**_ Mia said, rubbing teasingly Darren's bulge and sucking his neck. Darren let out a moan and this time he didn't try to pull her away.

_**"Don't talk about her in that way, Mia. She gives me all you didn't. And just to let you know, I love her. What we had was amazing, but there's no us anymore. Just go away."**_ Darren said, panting.

_**"You really don't want me to go, you love this. Right now you want to fuck me, I know it, Darren. Look at you; I see lust in your eyes. And that girl... she can't give you all of this. And there's no need to be an us, we can be fuck buddies."**_ Mia said still rubbing Darren's bulge and licking his jaw line. Darren closed his eyes and started to moan but anyway trying to pull her away.

_**"Stop, Mia. Fuck. Stop doing it. I don't want anything with you, not anymore. I got over you, I found someone who worth it."**_ Darren said, upset but naturally enjoying what Mia was doing.

_**"Oh fuck that stupid girl, Darren! Anyway, if she loved you so much as you say, where the fuck is she now? She vanished since hours. I bet she's fucking Joey right now, I know that what happened in the last party. And you can see that in her eyes, she wants Joey to fuck her. And here we are, the two of us wanting to do a good fuck."**_ Mia licked Darren's lips and she thrust her hips against his, what made Darren groan out loud.

_**"Fuck off, Mia."**_ Darren said weakly but Mia started to kiss him desperately and Darren tried to pull her away but after a few seconds it seemed that Darren gave up on trying it.

You couldn't stand it anymore. You didn't know what to do, if stop them or run away from there. You were in a rage and extremely sad at the same time. But you couldn't stop them; you wanted to leave that shit place. You were so focused looking at them that you didn't realize that Joey was behind you, completely astonished at what he was seeing and listening, also speechless and unable to move and react. You looked at Joey with tearful eyes and quickly you ran away from there. You ran to the beach, but away from the bonfire where everybody was. You heard some steps running behind you, but you didn't stop until you were far away from that house and that bonfire and you let yourself fall into the sand, sitting there and burying your face in your bended legs, to hide the tears that were running down your face. Those tears were a mix of anger and sadness. Although Darren tried to stop Mia, he didn't try hard enough and you couldn't forget his moans while Mia was touching and kissing him, as if he was really enjoying what she was doing to her. Then when Mia kissed Darren on the mouth, Darren just continued kissing her, he didn't stop her. You trusted Darren and he cheated you. Damn, you weren't even sure if Darren had cheated you because you weren't even boyfriends. You realized that he had never mentioned that you were a couple now; you just were so blinded by your love for him that you made up things that weren't in your head. You thought that you were Darren's girlfriend now, but that was bullshit. Darren never introduced you as his girlfriend and you felt so stupid and naive. How could you think that Darren wanted to be your boyfriend? Of course he didn't want it; otherwise he'd have mentioned it. You knew that Darren loved you, he wasn't lying about it. But he didn't love you the way you thought he loved you. Maybe he just loved you but just as more than friends but less than a girlfriend. He only wanted someone like Mia, who could give him a good fuck as she said, maybe. You weren't sure of anything and everything was just a huge mess. You didn't know if right now you hated yourself or if you hated Darren, but you were sure that you were deeply hurt. It was very hard to see the person you loved with all your heart, making out with another person that minutes before had warned you that something like this could happen. After all, Mia was right. You'd end up being hurt, you were naive, and you should get your ass out of there. But Darren... Darren meant a lot for you and you couldn't let him go away from you, but you needed to let him go away at the same time. You couldn't be with Darren like before after all of this. You were so stupid because over again you were living in a fantasy world. Why did it have to be so hard? Why nothing in your life could work out? It seemed as if just in the exactly time when you were being happy, something bad had to happen to prove you that you'd never get that happiness, and that happy moments weren't meant to exist and last in your life. Why did it have to suck that much? You only wanted a break; you only wanted every pain in your breast to end. You weren't asking that much, you didn't deserve to be this unhappy, or did you? By this time you should have learned not to bump against the wall, but you were still bumping over and over again as if someone had put a blindfold on your eyes that prevented you to see. Over and over again the same mistakes. Darren wasn't guilty anyway; you were the only one to blame because of the fact that you thought you had something special with Darren. You decided to give up on all of this. You needed to start over again and stop suffering for everything. You needed to stay strong and suddenly Chuck's words came up on your mind. – What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. – In fact was like that. This time you weren't going to let things to kill you, you were going to be strong. You needed to get up and carry on by yourself. Think more about yourself and all you wanted to do. You wouldn't let to feel weak for someone else. You were sick of trusting people and end up hurt. You needed to change that and that change was going to start from that moment. You were going to show people that you were strong enough to not let anyone to mess with you or your feelings. You quickly wiped your tears away and from that moment your look turned into an empty look. You heard that the steps that were following you finally approached you and stopped behind you. You knew that person was Joey.

"_**She was that unwanted guest, wasn't she?"**_ You asked coldly to Joey. Joey stood behind you in silence for some seconds before sitting in the sand next to you.

"_**Yeah, she was."**_ Joey said softly, looking at the sea.

"_**Right. It wasn't so hard to guess."**_ You laughed sarcastically.

"_**Hey, don't believe any of that shit she said. It's pure bullshit. You know that, right?"**_ Joey turned to look at you, but you didn't look at him.

"_**Yeah, Joey. But I still have eyes and good eyesight. You know that too, right?"**_ You laughed again sarcastically and acidly.

"_**Listen to me, girl. I don't know what the hell happened there, but I'm sure it was Mia's thing. Darren really loves you the way too much, you know. I've never seen him like this when he's with you, it's like he's another person. But in a good sense. You changed him for good, and it's really nice to see Darren like that. And that only happened with you. Whatever happened in that kitchen, it didn't mean a shit for Darren. He wasn't expecting that, he'd never do something like that to you, Mia was the one who was trying to get into Darren's pants."**_ Joey said, squeezing your hand gently and you let him do that.

"_**Joey... whether it meant or not a shit for Darren, it meant for me. And don't say that he wouldn't do something like that to me because we both saw he did it. I can look like a very stupid girl, but I'm not that stupid, you know? Anyway, don't worry about this whole shit. After all, Darren and I aren't anything but imaginary letter-friends. Yeah, that's what we are and I'm fine with that." **_You said bitterly while Joey was looking into your eyes frowning.

"_**Hey, don't say that! You're not some imaginary letter-friends. Well yeah, you met through letters, but it's different now. I can see in your eyes and in Darren's eyes that you love each other, and I'm not talking about friendship precisely. Darren really loves you, he's like a fool in love when he's around you, and everybody can notice it."**_

"_**I don't care. I don't know. I just gave up on trusting people. I'm sick of feeling down all the time, the last I need now it's to be sad for a stupid thing. Really, I got over this. I know Darren's a wonderful person, he really is. But I just made up things in my head and now I have to start thinking more about myself, I need to start respecting myself. Whatever what happened, it's over now. You may or may not like this I'm saying, but I really need to keep going and not let myself to end up hurt again. Sorry Joey, I know you're friends with Darren and it's understandable that you defend him, but try to understand me. Anyway, if you can't understand me, I get it. Just respect my decision, please."**_ You said, this time looking into his eyes, still with that empty look.

"_**The fact I'm friends with Darren doesn't mean that I approve everything he does. Of course he makes some mistakes; after all he's a human being just like everybody. I guess I understand you, but I cannot tell you that you're taking the right choice. You know, you're still confused for what you've recently seen and you can't think well when you're still confused. Yes, I think you should take a time for yourself right now, but to think about what you really want and what really makes you happy. Because, let's face it, Darren makes you happy just as much as you make him happy. You shouldn't give up on him just because you saw something that actually could have been bullshit. I mean, Mia was pushing him because I know Mia, she's my friend and she's funny and nice and everything, but she's a bitch when she's around Darren. And you saw that too, Darren was trying to stop her. There's a lot you don't know about Darren and Mia and I'm not the person who has to tell you all of this. But Darren was trying to stop her, and you should consider it. And I swear I'm not defending Darren in this moment. It just makes me sad to know that you're giving up on something that to be honest was quite awesome, what you and Darren have. But believe me, I respect you. You're a pretty cool girl and I like you, and I'm not lying about all of this." **_Joey said, still squeezing your hand. Damn, a tear was running down your face again, it shouldn't be happening. Joey noticed it and gently hugged you; you just weakened and rested your head on his shoulder shedding some tears.

"_**I'm sorry, I shouldn't be like this. I said to myself that I shouldn't be like this. I'm just confused, and I just want all of this to end. I can't tell you that everything is gonna be the same with Darren, because it was just too much for me, you know? It's really hard for me to trust on people, and I let myself to trust on Darren and then all of this happened. Maybe yes, it's not Darren's fault, maybe it was Mia's fault or maybe it was my fault. What I need now, is to be away, I need my time alone before talking to him. I need to keep myself busy doing other things first, to calm down. And I don't even know how to do it."**_ You said, still sobbing but trying to control yourself.

"_**Don't feel sorry about this, I got you. If you need that, maybe I can help you. Maybe we could, I don't know, hang out somewhere during all day tomorrow. Then when you're calmed, you can talk to him."**_ Joey said with a comprehensive look.

"_**Would you really do that for me?"**_

"_**Yes, I would. All of this involves me anyway; I was there behind you when everything happened. So, yeah. I would do that. So, tomorrow early in the morning a coffee?"**_

"_**I'd like that. But you really don't have to do this, Joey. I'm just a stupid girl..."**_

"_**Hey, you're not stupid and I'm doing this because I want, get it?"**_

"_**Yeah, thank you Joey. Honestly."**_ You said, smiling slightly.

"_**Bah, you don't have to thank a shit. By the way, what the hell is that you have on your wrist?" **_Joey looked at your wrist, a little concerned.

"_**Oh, it's nothing."**_ You said, hiding it quickly.

"_**It doesn't look like nothing. What's that?"**_ Joey said, trying to look at your wrist again. _**"Let me ask you something... when you disappeared all of a sudden, did you go away with Mia?"**_ You only nodded. _**"Yeah, I got it. Did she say something bad to you?"**_

"_**Sort of... but it was nothing. It's over now."**_

"_**What the fuck did she say? Has she threatened you?"**_ Joey asked worried.

"_**Joey, really. It doesn't matter what she did or what she didn't. It's in the past."**_

"_**She made you that thing on your wrist, right? She hurt you, didn't she?"**_ You just looked down and didn't answer. _**"That bitch. Okay, that's it."**_ Joey said getting angry and he stood up, but you grabbed his hand to stop him.

"_**Wait...what are you doing, Joey?"**_

"_**I'm gonna tell her to stop fucking messing around. Gee, she hurt you! She really crossed the line this time."**_ Joey said, still upset.

"_**Don't do it. Please, promise me you won't do it. You won't tell anything to anybody all of this. Neither what happened between Mia and I nor what we just have talked. Please, Joey."**_ You begged him, looking into his eyes.

"_**But this cannot continue."**_

"_**Please, Joey..."**_ you begged him again. Joey looked at you and sighed.

"_**Fine, I promise. But if something else happens..."**_

"_**If something else happens, you can show up all your badass spirit."**_ You said grinning slightly and Joey laughed, grabbing you hand to help you stand up.

"_**That's what I call a deal. We should go to get some sleep. It's been a long day and tomorrow early in the morning we have to take a coffee."**_

"_**Yeah, that's right. Let's go."**_

You walked to the house again. You were scared to find Darren and Mia again, but when you arrived there, everything was quiet. Maybe they were together in the bedroom, you didn't want to go to the bedroom where you were supposed to sleep with Darren, and you didn't want to see if he was there with Mia. It seemed that Joey realized what you were feeling, so he just told you that maybe you should go to sleep on the couch and you agreed. That night you barely could sleep because your mind kept busy thinking about everything that happened and you were attentive if you get to hear some noise coming from Darren's bedroom.

* * *

Next morning, Joey woke you up really early in the morning. No one was awake of course, it was around 6am. You guessed that Joey had found out your intention that you wanted to leave the house for the rest of the day, not letting anyone to know that you were going out. Everything was silent and around the house there were empty alcohol bottles everywhere, the house was an entire mess. Joey started to raise a few empty bottles on the floor to put on top of a table, while you went to the bathroom to wet your face and brush your teeth. You thought that your head was about to explode, it hurt so much probably because a hangover and because you didn't get so much sleep because you stayed thinking and crying all night long. Anyway, this was a new day, just as you wanted. You weren't going to feel down and blue, you've taken that decision. Is what you needed if you wanted to face Darren at night. This time, you weren't going to let that stupid feelings will weaken you; you were going to stay firmly and finally respect yourself. You weren't going to let someone to play with you and your feelings. Maybe you had a rude attitude, but you were tired to suffer. It was as if what you saw yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back. You didn't even know if you were doing the right thing with Joey because, after all, Joey was Darren's bestie, and you were just a half-stranger for him. You weren't sure to trust him, you weren't sure if Joey would run to tell Darren everything you told him last night, after all it wouldn't be weird if he does it. Maybe the best thing would be not to talk to him about Darren that day. It was just weird that Joey offered to help you with that situation; you started to think that maybe he wanted to get information about what you felt for Darren, so definitely you weren't going to talk about Darren. You just were going to hang out with him and spend the day doing shopping or something. But, on the other hand, Joey was really nice to you last night, as if really cared about you. Maybe he just was trying to be nice to you because you meant...something to Darren and he was doing all of this only because for Darren. But you weren't sure anymore if you meant something to Darren. You remembered all that Darren said to you a few days ago, all that words that made you feel loved and as if he really was in love with you. You didn't know what to think about all that anymore. Maybe Darren felt something for you, but he was just really confused and when Mia returned into his life, everything changed for him. As if he never was able to get over Mia. Well, if thing were like that, you needed to keep it in mind, to start thinking that probably you won't get any chance with Darren as Mia said. You needed to be ready to expect an answer for Darren that probably you won't like, you needed to expect the worst thing that could happen which was losing Darren. So from that moment, you were going to try to get over him and start to think what you were going to do without him. It couldn't be that hard, but actually was. You still loved Darren, no matter what happened last night with Mia. You did really loved him, but if he didn't love you back, you couldn't do anything and even though it'd hurt deep in the soul, you were going to have to get away from Darren. That was what you needed to do, so you just went out the bathroom and walked over the living room where Joey was waiting for you.

_**"Ready to go? You look terrible, maybe that coffee is gonna help you."**_ Joey said looking at your haggard face.

_**"Oh well, how cute you are, Joey! Nothing better than wake up with a hangover and someone telling you that you look undoubtedly like shit."**_ You said, raising an eyebrow and chuckling.

_**"Forever saying the crude reality."**_ Joey said laughing and he started to walk to the front door. _**"C'mon, we have to do a lot today to kick your shitty mood away from you."**_

_**"That sounds like a perfect plan."**_ You said before you left the house.

You walked for a long, talking quietly and joking in your way to some coffee shop. You had no idea where you were going, so you just followed Joey. Almost nobody was walking down the street at this time and you thought that maybe the coffee shop was going to be closed because it was 7am. But when you arrived it was surprisingly open. You came in and ordered your coffee to then sit on a table. Although Joey was trying to make you feel comfortable, you couldn't feel that way. You had no idea what to talk about so you were feeling a little uncomfortable. You both were in silence for a while, just drinking your coffee.

_**"So, how are you feeling today so far?"**_ Joey asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

_**"Better I guess, if you don't count the dinosaur who decided to live in my head and yell and jump inside."**_ You said, smiling slightly.

_**"That dinosaur is called hangover. He's my friend sometimes; we get along well although sometimes he's such a pain in the ass."**_ Joey said amusingly. _**"Take this."**_ Joey searched something in his pocket and gave it to you. _**"Tylenol. Best friend of the people who are feeling miserable after a belligerent drinking night."**_

_**"Oh thank you, I'm broken. I was so annihilated last night that I'm impressed that I haven't passed out in a dumpster. Really, I got totally battered last night, such a shame."**_ You said grabbing the Tylenol.

_**"Well, we all got totally blitzed. I mean, we've been boozing since afternoon during all night long. Anyway, that party was very crunk, despite the way it ended.**_" Joey said laughing, apparently remembering some funny things. _**"You even sang, you fucking sang! That was totally awesome."**_

_**"Oh yeah, crap. I'm not doing it anymore. Why was I singing the coolest girl anyway?"**_ You started to laugh out loud.

_**"Because you're the coolest girl, I think Bonnie said that when Mia... when she said you were Darren's girl...uhm, yeah something like that."**_ Joey said a little nervous but then he smiled widely. _**"Actually I have no idea, but it was a kick!"**_

_**"Yeah."**_ You said, looking down and taking a sip of coffee.

There was it. Again, an awkward silence that lasted several minutes. Shit, that was really uncomfortable, and you were having a good time before Joey mentioned Mia and the fact you were Darren's girl. Well, obviously it wasn't like that after you saw Darren and Mia in the kitchen. Oh damn, again you started to remember them, the way Mia was touching and licking his neck, the way Darren was moaning, when they finally kissed. And again you started to imagine what happened after you ran away from there. Apparently you were frowning and you had a bitter expression on your face, because Joey broke the silence.

_**"I may know what you're thinking right now. You wouldn't know what happened after that if you don't talk to Darren."**_

_**"Oh wow, I didn't know you had the power to sneak in my head."**_ You laughed bitterly. _**"Yeah, I guess I should do that. But you know? I'm not sure if I'm gonna believe all he has to tell me after I ask him what happened."**_

_**"You wouldn't know."**_ Joey said, shrugging. _**"I could tell you that Darren is the most honest person I know, but probably you won't believe me because I'm his friend."**_

_**"Yeah, exactly."**_ You laughed a little sardonically.

_**"I hope you don't take this wrong or that you consider me intrusive. But that's not cool at all. It's not cool to see you giving up on trusting people. Yeah, I get that throughout your life people have disappointed you, but it always happen. We all have been there..."**_

_**"You have no idea what I went through."**_ You interrupted Joey sharply and coldly.

_**"I might not know what you've been through, yeah. But I know what you're feeling right now. People threw me shit several times, maybe not in the same way than you. But the feeling is the same. And if I could give you an advice, I'd tell you that whatever happens to you, you never have to give up. Yeah, surely it's gonna be hard to trust someone again, but there's always cool people that it's not gonna let you down. But if you give up on trusting, you'll never know that. And if they keep letting you down, there's always people who are gonna help you to go on."**_ Joey said, sincerely looking into your eyes while you just were looking at your lap. He was right, but you couldn't do it.

_**"You said that, Joey. It's gonna be hard and honestly I can't do it right now. I'm gonna keep it in mind, anyway. Yeah, maybe there are still cool people."**_ You said a little incredulous.

_**"Trust me. There is. And I don't know so much about you but what I know about you so far is that a person like you shouldn't be feeling this way. You're young and you have a lot to live for to be feeling so hopeless. Again, I don't know what happened in your life neither what you've been through, but nothing is lost. And if you ever feel down, here's a dumb human being who's here if you need to talk or shit. Forget that I'm Darren's friend and all that, I like you so...I could call you my friend too."**_ Joey said with a slight smile.

_**"Thank you, Joey."**_ You said smiling slightly, but still a little suspicious.

_**"You can trust me, you know that right?"**_

_**"I don't know if I can do it, honestly." **_

_**"Well, right. Don't worry, my lips are sealed and I ain't telling all of this to anyone. Be sure about that. Aaaaaand, to prove you I'm being honest... if i say something, you can spit out a very secretly secret about me that I'm gonna tell you now." **_Joey said, looking at you mysteriously and that really made you laugh.

"_**Bring it on!"**_ You giggled more lively.

Joey told you a secret about a very embarrassing moment he had once in his life that he never told anyone. Actually it was pretty funny, but yes it was embarrassing. You sealed the promise to not tell anything in that moment. You weren't supposed to feel in this way, but you started to trust on Joey even if he was Darren's best friend. You just felt comfortable with him, and he was trying to make you feel better whatever his reasons were. He really had no need to do all of this, but he was doing it; and you were thankful for this.

You spent all the day long with Joey, having so much fun, doing some shopping and eating like two pigs. Definitely, your mood got better than the way you were feeling that morning. But finally it was late at night, and you had to come back at the house you were staying. And you really didn't want to come back because you knew what it meant. You knew that it was time to talk with Darren, because probably Darren had been wondering where you'd been all this time. And you really weren't ready to talk to him. You were scared, nervous, upset and sad. You really wanted to run away when you and Joey were walking back to the house. Your body started to shiver and this wasn't unnoticed by Joey. He gently squeezed your shoulder and smiled at you.

_**"Don't be nervous. Everything's gonna be alright. And if everything goes to hell, I'm gonna be there. Cool off." **_Joey said mildly and you just nodded, still freaking out though.

When you arrived to the house, you stood in front the front door and took a long breath before come in. There was nobody there, the lights were out and there were neither noises nor sounds. It was really weird. Joey was amazed also and he turned on the light.

_**"Maybe they're at the beach, partying again."**_ Joey said to you.

_**"Who's there? Joey is that you?"**_ Darren's voice echoed in the room and you got extremely nervous all of a sudden again.

_**"Yeah...yes, it's me Darren. Where are you?"**_ Joey answered aloud.

_**"Over here, in the music room. Where have you been?"**_ Darren said, popping up in the room where you and Joey were.

In that moment, a lot of things happened in matter of a second. Darren was frowning with an intrigued look before he saw Joey and you standing next to each other. As soon as he saw you both, Darren's face turned into an angry and confused face, looking at you both coldly. You freaked out and got even more nervous, your body trembling senseless. Joey, who was relaxed, got a bit edgy when he saw Darren's expression. The awkward and very tense situation lasted a few seconds until Joey broke it.

_**"Hey, bud. What's up? Where's everybody?"**_ Joey tried to say nicely.

_**"At the beach."**_ Darren answered shortly and coldly, still staring at you both with anger.

_**"Oh cool, another party? And, why are you here instead with them?"**_ Joey said again, obviously uncomfortable by the way Darren was answering.

_**"Reasons."**_ Darren answered again coldly, this time looking at you straight in the eye. You just looked down to avoid his gaze, remaining in silence.

_**"Bud, i know what you're thinking and none of what you're thinking has happened."**_ Joey said, trying to end the tense situation.

_**"You wouldn't know what I'm thinking. I'd really appreciate if you go away right now Joey. I need to talk with some girl here."**_ Darren said coldly, still staring at you.

_**"Uhm, yeah sure."**_ Joey said uncomfortably and then he looked at you. _**"If you need me, I'm gonna be out there at the beach."**_ Joey said softly to you.

_**"Unbelievable!"**_ Darren laughed sarcastically and bitterly, what made you both look at him.

_**"You're not getting this, Darren. I'm gonna leave you both alone now."**_ Joey said, sighing and shaking his head. He started to walk away and he stopped to say something to Darren before leaving. _**"Don't be such an asshole and listen what she has to tell you, Darren."**_

_**"Get your ass out of here now, Joey."**_ Darren said, ignoring what Joey said to him. Joey shook his head again and finally left.

You looked at Darren a little nervous once you got alone. It wasn't supposed that you were feeling nervous; after all you'd decided that you needed to keep strong, yet when you saw Darren you forgot all of that. Darren seemed really angry and he was being very cold and rude and that made you feel bad. After all, you still loved Darren and seeing him acting like this broke your heart. You didn't like this situation, and if he continued being like that, nothing could end in a good way. A few days ago you were very happy, teasing each other, kissing and cuddling; and now you were going through a really bad moment. How has that even happened? Then you remembered why you were there, you remembered why you avoided Darren all this time. Your nervous look turned into an empty and cold look, that apparently Darren noticed because he grimaced before looking at you coldly again, coming closer to where you were. This time you weren't looking down; this time you were looking into his eyes roughly.

_**"Funny how things work." **_Darren said coldly, seven inches from your face. _**"Funny how someone can be worried and meanwhile other one can be having a blast."**_

_**"Pretty funny, I'd say."**_ You answered to Darren as coldly as he talked to you.

_**"I was all day thinking about you."**_ Darren continued saying, ignoring your comment. _**"Last night I went to sleep wondering where you could be, I thought that maybe you took a walk since you love the beach. This morning I woke up and you weren't there. Maybe she left a note, I thought. I looked for something and I didn't find a shit. I looked for you around the entire house and on the beach, you were nowhere. I started to freak out, maybe you got lost or something bad happened to you, because you were a little drunk last night. I asked everybody if they knew where you were, no one could tell me a fucking thing. Oh look! Joey wasn't here either! How interesting."**_ Darren said sarcastically and laughing bitterly. You stayed silent, still staring at him coldly. "_**Yeah, you definitely were together. I tried to not think up shit in my mind. So I just decided to wait for you, sooner or later you were going to come back. I stayed in the music room all day, thinking about you, worried about you. It was late and you weren't coming back. Then, suddenly, i heard how the front door opened and i stayed silent trying to figure out who just arrived. I heard Joey's voice talking to someone. Yeah, I decided to walk towards he was. Oh, well, well, look who is here with him! The mysterious girl! That's quite intriguing. But I said to myself that I needed to control myself, maybe you both only hung out. Hey, listen what Joey is telling her! He's gonna be there if that girl needs him. Very adorable"**_ Darren said, blinking exaggeratedly yet sarcastically, while you looked at him incredulous. _**"Is there something you wanna tell me?"**_

_**"Oh yes. I was with Joey all day and we had fun."**_ You looked at him defiantly as Darren came closer to you and he squeezed your wrist strongly just where Mia hurt you last night. It was really painful. _**"Darren you're hurting me."**_ You said with a grimace of pain, but Darren didn't let your wrist, but he softened the squeeze.

_**"Tell me something... How many times have you fucked Joey? Was it good?"**_ Darren asked you in anger, squeezing your wrist stronger.

_**"You're hurting me, Darren!"**_ You yelled and Darren let your wrist, but still looking at you in a rage. _**"If you call go out for a coffee fuck, then two times today. And yes, it felt good."**_ You said coldly.

_**"Yeah, sure you went out for a coffee all day long!"**_ Darren laughed bitterly.

_**"Well yeah, I'd rather to go out for a coffee with someone than make a good fuck in the kitchen."**_ You yelled angrily.

Darren suddenly looked at you in horror as you stared at him coldly. He gulped and his body started to shake lightly, as you started to smile bitterly nodding your head. Now Darren was the one, who was nervous, and his reaction made you feel sad but you didn't show it. If he was nervous, it meant that something else has happened before you ran away that night. You wanted to cry and you started to feel that damn lump in throat, but you needed to stay strong, you needed to stand firm. Instead crying you looked at Darren disappointed and coldly, frowning and biting your lips.

_**"Yeah, I saw it all last night. It was a blast, I'm sure."**_ You said, letdown.

_**"I don't know what you are..."**_

_**"Don't fucking play dumb with me Darren. I'm sick of all of this, I'm sick of people treating me as if I were a jerk."**_ You yelled angrily again and Darren freaked out, looking at you desperate and edgy.

_**"No, you got everything wrong...it...it wasn't like that...I...no, listen..."**_ Darren stammered nervous.

_**"No, you fucking listen to me. I listened everything you had to say; now at least respect me and listen all I have to say."**_ You said threateningly, looking straight in his eye. Darren remained silent still jittery. _**"Yesterday night, Mia and I had a little... talk. Oh yeah, she's adorable in front of everybody! The nicest girl in the entire world. So yeah, why wouldn't I go for a walk with her? Then she took me to somewhere, i didn't fucking know where we were. And suddenly the nicest girl in the entire earth wasn't so nice. Oh no, she said a lot of shit..."**_

_**"Wait...what did she say?"**_ Darren asked scared and you looked at him coldly.

_**"I'd appreciate if you don't interrupt me while I'm talking."**_ You said sharply and Darren stayed silent yet scared. _**"Yes, she told me some things, as I was a stupid girl that is blinded to see that you and she have everything I can't give you..."**_

_**"No, that's not..."**_

_**"Shut up, Darren!"**_ You yelled angrily and he looked down, biting his lower lip. _**"I didn't believe a shit what she told me. I knew you, and I didn't know a damn shit about her. So why would I believe what she was telling me? She left me there, I didn't know where the hell I was, and I didn't know how to come back. But after an hour I found the way and I came into the house. I needed to get some rubbing alcohol to put on my wrist, because oh, the nicest girl hurt me."**_ You showed to Darren your wrist and he looked at it astonished.

_**"Did she...?"**_ Darren said somewhat angry and concerned.

_**"Yeah, she did. But it's not the point so please; let me continue saying all i have to say to you."**_ You said coldly and frowning. _**"As I said, I didn't believe a shit of everything she told me. But then I went to the kitchen, and there you were. She was pressing her body against yours, she was kissing and touching you, well yes you tried to stop her..."**_

_**"Yes because..."**_

_**"For god sake, Darren! Shut up your mouth and let me finish! I respected you, and the only thing I'm asking you is you to respect me as well."**_ You said in a rage. _**"Yes, you tried to stop her, but she wasn't giving up. Then I saw how she started to touch you...to touch your crotch and...Your dick. Yeah, I saw it all, and I heard it all. I heard how you were moaning in pleasure. You couldn't stop her anymore, because obviously you were loving that. Then she kissed you, more like she put her tongue deep in your throat. And then you kissed her back. Don't deny it because if there's something good on me, that's my eyesight. Yeah, I trusted you, I didn't believe her. But after all she was right. She was fucking right. I tried to run away, I couldn't stand it a second longer. I turned around to go away, and surprisingly Joey was there too, looking everything, also astonished of what he saw. I ran far away, Joey followed me. Joey tried to calm me down while you were there, enjoying your time with Mia. I don't have any idea what you did after I left and i really don't wanna know right now. All I know is that if it wasn't for Joey, I wouldn't be here talking to you about all of this. I wanted to go away, to come back where I belong. But Joey told me that I should talk to you first, that we needed to clear up all of this. I wasn't ready to talk to you, I was deeply hurt. I needed time to think about all of this, so Joey helped me, because he knew I needed someone in that moment, and I had no one, you obviously didn't care and i was alone. But Joey was there, and he helped me when I needed the most. We left the house early in the morning for a coffee and he tried to make me feel good again, so I could talk to you this night. He tried to calm me, so he kept my mind busy doing shopping and shit like that. So yeah, if you call fuck the action to get a coffee, then I fucked Joey."**_ You couldn't talk anymore because the lump in throat appeared again.

_**"I...I didn't mean to say that...all that you fucked Joey, I...I was just upset, I...it wasn't my intention."**_ Darren said with guilt and tearful voice. _**"Listen...it's not what you're thinking...Mia and I...we didn't..."**_

_**"Stop, Darren."**_ You said, trying to hold back your tears, you needed to be strong. _**"All of this made me realize that I need to start thinking more about myself, I need to start respecting myself. It made me realize that I don't have to let anyone to play neither with me nor my feelings. I trusted you so much, because yes, I still love you. But it got me nowhere but hurting myself. I'm sorry, but I can't trust you any longer. I...I thought we had something. But obviously I was wrong. You never mentioned we had something and I made up things in my mind, as a stupid girl as I am, just what Mia said. I was blinded by my love for you that I didn't notice that you weren't feeling the same for me, that you were still in love with someone else. And that's it. I'm not gonna be the same stupid girl who lets everybody tramples on her head. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I'm sick of suffering all the time, I need to change that. I'm gonna think of myself and I won't let anybody to let me down again. And if this requires me to start acting more rudely, that's what I'll do. But I won't shed another fucking tear again."**_ You said, with an empty look while Darren was looking at you sadly.

_**"No, please. I'm really sorry. Don't...don't feel that way." **_Darren said again with tearful voice and he sighed. _**"I...I don't think you're stupid, and I don't think you should change yourself. You're just perfect the way you are. I'm not against you thinking about yourself, but I don't think you should...you should give up on people. I know... I made a mistake. But I'm really sorry, and you...you really don't know what really happened, all that happened between me and Mia. And we have something, we really have something. And please believe me when I tell you that I love you, I really do. What happened yesterday..."**_

_**"Sorry, Darren. I don't believe you, I can't believe you. I can't trust you any longer, I'm sorry. And no, we don't have anything, we never had. Otherwise, none of that would've happened. I'm not blaming you; you had your reasons to do what you did. And if that is what you want, I can't be against it; if that is what you want, I have nothing to do here. I understand, and you try to understand me. It's the only thing I'm asking you to do for me, I don't expect anything more than that from you. And I don't think you're a bad person, if that's what worries you. I think you're a wonderful person, because you really are. The only thing I think it's that whatever I thought we could have, it's not gonna work. And if it's not gonna work, I can't let myself to end up hurt so I need to go away from here. I honestly want that everything works for you in whatever you decide to do. But don't ask me to believe you, because I can't."**_

_**"Please, don't do this. You need... you need to know everything."**_ Darren said desperate, grabbing your hands gently.

_**"I really don't have to know anything. You don't have to give me any explanation."**_ You said looking down as Darren looked deeply into your eyes, still holding your hands.

_**"I need to give you an explanation because I love you and I don't wanna lose you. I need to explain you everything that happened between Mia and I, and I'm not talking only about what happened yesterday, I'm talking about what happened since the first time I met her. You may not like what I have to say, but I need to tell you and you need to listen to me."**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Darren had to tell you everything that happened in his past and you were nervous to know about it because he told you that you may not like what he had to tell you. Once he tells you everything…Would you be able to move on and forget the bad things that happened between you both? Would you be able to forgive him? Or are you too hurt to do it and scared if something like that gets to happen to you again? Sometimes is just hard to forgive everything and start over again. Sometimes we need time alone to think and clear up things. Sometimes you can't walk away from the person you love but sometimes it hurts to see the person you love after to find out all the person is feeling. What would you do if something you weren't expecting to hear hurts you? What would you do if you realize that only one thing can change everything once you had?_

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 4.**

* * *

You and Darren were sitting on the couch. You really didn't want to listen what Darren had to tell you, because the only thing you wanted to do was to be away from there. Staying in the same room than Darren wasn't helping you to make that change you wanted to do. And you didn't want to look into Darren's eyes because it'd make you change your mind and you couldn't let it happen. You were very hurt and you needed time for yourself, to recover. But you loved Darren and you couldn't do it if he was there with you. Darren looked nervous and sad at the same time, and you didn't even know why he was like that. Because it was pretty obvious that he had feelings for Mia although he told you again he loved you. You only were trying to go away to let Darren and Mia alone and less confused. Because that's how Darren was feeling: confused. He kept saying he loved you but at the same time whenever Mia appeared, he couldn't stay away from her. You saw it. But there was Darren, trying to explain to you something that seemed hard for him. Darren was going to explain you that thing Joey said to you last night at the beach, what happened between Mia and him in the past. You were a little nervous to listen it, because he said you may not like what he had to tell you, and the last you needed in that moment was to feel even more hurt. But he really wanted to tell you all that, and you couldn't leave him there. Because even though all that happened recently was very painful for you, Darren always listened to you, he always helped you and once you promised him that you were going to try to help him as well. Darren next to you was really nervous; he even was shaking his hands.

_**"Uhm... Do you want first something to drink? I could bring something, if you want."**_Darren said, still nervous and you sighed.

_**"Darren, if you're feeling uncomfortable, then don't tell me anything. Anyway, I really don't have to know about it."**_ You said quietly, still avoiding his gaze.

_**"No, no. I want you to know, if we need... if we want this to work...I mean, you need to know everything and I really want to tell you this."**_ Darren said awkwardly, getting closer to you, and looking into your eyes.

_**"Fine, then. Spit it out. And no, I want nothing to drink."**_ You said clearly.

_**"Please, I want you to look into my eyes when I'm telling you all of this. It's not easy for me, and I really want you to know that I'm being honest."**_ Darren said, grabbing your hands. You quickly pushed your hands off him and you felt how Darren made a face of sadness.

_**"Fine, I'm looking at you."**_ You looked up to him and having done that made you feel bad, but you hid it.

Darren's eyes denoted gloom, distress and pang. But there was also a twinkle of hope. You didn't want him to feel that way, he really looked rueful and he also was ill at ease. But you really needed to stop feeling in that way, because you couldn't forget what he'd done last night. He didn't only hurt you but he was the one who made you distrust people. And he clearly was hurt by the way you were treating him, but you needed to let him know that you were indeed hurt for all that happened and that he didn't to do it again. Darren cleared his throat before talking again.

_**"Alright. A few years ago, I met Mia. I went to NYC with my bro and we eventually met her. We got along so well, more than well actually. It was nice to spend time with her; she was like very related about everything I liked to do. We shared a lot of things about music and all. It was like we were so alike, and I liked that. Since the very first time we met, we talked as if we were lifetime friends. It didn't take so long for the first time... the first time we were together. We both wanted that, and I felt as if i were falling in love with her. In fact, after few months I told her that I was in love with her, she told me she felt the same. Since that moment we dated for five years. We had ups and downs, but we were good together, we felt...we felt as if we couldn't live without each other. I really loved her so fucking much. She was everything to me; she was my very first real love. I actually, actually I'd considered marrying her. Damn, she drove me crazy, I couldn't stop thinking her and I wanted to be with her all the time. I was really happy whenever I was with her. All I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with her, because she was this kind of amazing person."**_ Darren stopped for a while, clearing his throat.

You never stopped looking into Darren's eyes even though it was hurting you. At some point, Darren's eyes denoted melancholy and you really could see sincerity in his eyes. You didn't even know why it was hurting you the way too much. Actually you did know why you were feeling like this, but it was stupid. More reasons to think you were really naive. You thought that Darren felt as happy as he was saying only with you, at least for what you'd heard Chuck saying to Darren that day after his party. But Darren wanted to marry Mia, and that was too much. He really loved her as he never did with someone else; he was talking about her in an adorable way. And it really hurt to hear the person you loved talking that way about someone else. But now, you needed to hear the whole story even though it was going to break your heart. Darren was looking at his lap and then he looked up to you again, you tried to keep that empty look in your eyes. You got it, and Darren looked at you sadly. Suddenly his face turned sadder than ever with a touch of bitterness. That really confused you, but you couldn't think why he was being like that now because he started to talk again.

_**"Mia is a nice girl, she's...she's awesome, funny, adorable and she's...she's good well, you know what I mean. But she always had this shortcoming, this absence to show her love. I knew she loved me...but she showed it in a weird way and I wasn't fully comfortable with that. For some reason, our relationship deteriorated over time. While I wanted to spend time with her, taking her to some places, doing whatever a couple would do; she only wanted...well, she only wanted to be in a room and, you know. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it wasn't all I wanted us to be. We were together for four years and in the last two years she was...seeing other guy, you know. When I found it out, I got mad, yes, but I forgave her. I loved her very much, and she was telling me that she wouldn't do it again, and I trusted her. Well, I was blinded. The point is that I never could be away from her, I wanted to be with her because she made me feel so good, and I only thought about all the good time we had together. She kept cheating me with that guy; but she always knew what to say me or what to do to make me feel good again with her. And I...i just couldn't stand my time without her. All my friends kept telling me that I needed to get over her, to start over again with other person because although she was this awesome person; she wasn't good for me, she wasn't interested in the kind of relationship I was pretending to have, she wasn't ready to settle down as I was expecting. I didn't listen a shit of all my friends told me. Until that day..."**_ Darren shifted uncomfortably in the couch, apparently remembering something bad.

You were looking at him frowning, not because you were upset but because you were listening to him very intently. Darren really was being honest with you and you knew this all was hard for him. Of course this all was making you feel sad, but you put yourself in his shoes. It really was sad, you felt pity for him. You knew how it felt to be in love with someone who didn't love you back in the same way, and it wasn't good. He really loved her and she didn't, she only wanted Darren to have sex and fun, at least it was what she wanted in the last time she was with Darren. And Darren talked about Mia as if she were an awesome person, just like his friends talked about her too. But you couldn't see Mia as an awesome person considering what she'd done to you to you and what she'd done to Darren. But if they thought in that way, they'd have their reasons and you respected that. Darren now was frowning and he was serious.

_**"One day she promised me that everything would change, that she was ready to settle down. And I was happy like hell, I was happy because I was going to spend more time with her, to do all those things I always wanted to do with her. And it was our anniversary, so I decided to surprise her. I went to her apartment, with a ring. Yes, fuck. I was going to propose her; I was fucking going to propose her." Darren said, this time shedding some tears and shaking his head, you felt bad for him and this time you couldn't hide it. "But there she was with that guy...they were...they were...I caught them in action and couldn't fucking move from where I was, I couldn't fucking say a word. I was feeling betrayed and so damn bad, I was happy for something that never existed. And she tried to say something to me, but no. That time I decided it was time to get over her. I felt so bad."**_ Darren couldn't stop sobbing and you didn't know what to do, that was terrible. No matter what he did to you, no matter how hurt you were, Darren was feeling miserable and that broke your heart. You grabbed his hand gently and he just buried his head on your shoulder, sobbing even harder. _**"Since that time, I never saw her again. I mean, yes. I saw her several times, but it wasn't like before. I didn't want a relationship with her. As much as I hate to admit it, yeah, we turned into that thing people call fuck buddies. I'm not proud of that, you know? But she...she always made me feel that, she always made me feel as if I needed her, and I just couldn't be away from her. A part of my heart still loved her, but I didn't want to be with her again like before. I couldn't handle it. That's all the mess in my life I mentioned you, that big mess that kinda kept happening up. I thought...I thought that I could never fall in love again. I couldn't believe in real love again. But then...then you came up into my life and I let myself to give it a try again. I let myself to fall in love again. And this was so hard for me, so fucking hard. I was so damn scared to feel love again, but I decided to take the risk again. I loved you, I love you and I'll always do. And sometimes i act like this jerk with you, and you and Joey, and I'm still fucking scared that all that happened to me can happen again. That's why i act like a douchebag when I see you with other guy; I cannot stop thinking that...the same is gonna happen. I know... I know you aren't Mia, I know you're not like her. But I cannot avoid this feeling, because I was really hurt in the past. And I'm really sorry for that, I hate when I treat you like this, because I know you don't deserve it, and because i know it's all my fault, I'm the insecure one. And today...today when you came back, and you were looking at me that way...you were looking at me as if you were hopeless, as if you were tired of all...as if you wanted to leave me, you wanted to end everything we have...that broke my heart, because I don't wanna lose you, because you're the best that happened to me, because you're the person who made me believe in love again. I don't wanna let you go, you...you make me feel as if everything I did wrong in my life it doesn't matter because I can start all over again with you, because you make me feel in this way. Because you're the only one who can give me all I need, only you. And I'm scared, yes. I'm scared to be hurt again, but you're...you're this unbelievable and flawless person that I cannot ignore what I feel for you. I really love you with all my heart."**_ Darren sobbed on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you.

You placed your hands in his head. You didn't know why you were doing that, but Darren really neeeded that. It broke your heart, to see how Darren was really hurt deep inside, you've never seen Darren as sad as he was in that moment. It never crossed your mind that he could be feeling like this, it never crossed your mind the fact that Darren was hurt in past. He was telling you very intense things and in that moment you understood why he was nervous and sad before telling you all of this. That was the moment when you realized why Darren said you he loved you so much. Wow, he was telling you that you were the person who made him believe in love again, and that's not an easy thing. He explained why he was that rough person whenever you were with Joey; it wasn't because he didn't like see you with him, it was because he was scared that you could cheat on him with Joey after all that happened in that party with Chuck, but both of you were drunk and you never meant that. It was hard for Darren to let himself love you, and you honestly understood him. Suddenly you started to feel bad and guilty because you'd treated him in a really cold way; because you never could see that Darren was feeling deeply hurt and sad. Again you cursed yourself to think only about yourself. Darren was broken and you didn't know what to do. On the one hand, you wanted to hug him, to make him feel good again, to tell him that you were going to be always next to him and that you won't let him being hurt again. On the other hand, you were hurt too and you didn't know if you could trust him so easily again, because although he loved you, he was with Mia last night; he was telling you that he loved you but he loved Mia so fucking much since years, he thought he was over her, but what they'd done last night was the proof that actually Darren wasn't ready to love you the way you needed, he still had feelings for Mia and if that was going to be in that way, you couldn't be with Darren because he needed time to think what he really wanted and you couldn't let yourself to be hurt as well. This was all a mess. Meanwhile, you decided to hug him because he needed it and after all you loved him and you couldn't handle seeing him that miserable. Darren kept wrapping his arms around you, with his head on your shoulder, still sobbing but trying to calm down to keep talking.

"_**But...but there's what happened with Mia yesterday. When yesterday we, you and me, came here I wasn't expecting all of this. It wasn't on my plans that people were going to be here, that we were going to attend a party; that Mia was coming. I only wanted to spend time with the person I love, to enjoy with her every moment as possible. I had awesome plans for us, but nothing came as I expected. When Joey mentioned that at the party an unwanted guest was coming, I really knew who this guest was. So I just wanted to go away, to go somewhere else where we could spend time alone and just enjoy our time together. But then I looked into your eyes and you really wanted to attend that party, so I couldn't ignore what you wanted only because I didn't want it. So I said yes, let's stay here. After all, I loved you so fucking much and not even Mia could change that. I was really nervous and uncomfortable because the truth was that actually I didn't know how I'd react with Mia there. It was like a challenge for me, it was like having you and Mia in the same place was the only way if I really got over Mia. And I knew you wouldn't feel uncomfortable being with her because you didn't know the love affair I had with her. But I also was scared about the way Mia would react after she finds out who you were. Because every time I was with another girl who wasn't her, she always found the way to fuck it up so that way I could be with her. And then Mia finally arrived to the party. I was so fucking scared. But then she greeted me and I felt nothing for her. I was so damn happy for that because it really meant I was over her, and all I cared about was you. The only I wanted was to be with you, and you were so adorable and you were singing, laughing, and getting along so well with my friends. You were so beautiful, amazing and perfect that I coudn't take my eyes off you. I even forgot Mia was there. Then I saw you and Mia talking and I didn't like it all. As I said, I had no idea what the hell she could say to you. But you were smiling while talking to her and so was Mia. It was as if you both were getting along well, as if Mia actually didn't mind you were... you were my girl as Bonnie said. I thought that maybe Mia had changed, that finally she didn't want to fuck up my relationship, that she wanted me to be happy with a girl like you. And I thought that Mia liked you, as everybody does. Because it's impossible not to like you, all my friends told me so. So I was super happy for that and I let myself to relax and enjoy that party. I was enjoying it that I didn't notice that you and Mia weren't there anymore. When I looked up to find you and go take a walk along the beach alone, you weren't there and Mias was there. I thought that maybe you went to walk by yourself because you really love the beach; I knew it because once you told me so in one of your letters. Then I decided to wait for you, I thought that maybe you wanted some time alone. And then... then I went to the kitchen because we ran out of alcohol. I didn't notice that Mia was followng me. And everything happened so fast that I couldn't think what was happening. When I turned around to come back to the bonfire, Mia pulled me against the kitchen counter and... And she..."**_ Darren shifted uncomfortably in the couch before start talking again and you just kept staring him intently. You were nervous because you knew that the moment when Darren was going to tell you everything that hurt you was coming; but you hid it. _**"She started to touch and kiss me. I tried to stop her because she didn't mean anything to me and I didn't want to be with her because now I had you, and I loved you. She needed to understand it. But... but...when she started to doall that, I... I couldn't resist. I never could resist her, she... she always does that thing that makes me lose my control. So she kissed me and yes, I'm not gonna lie, I kissed her back because I let myself to carry away. But then, fuck! I stopped her. That wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want her back in my life; I didn't want her to screw up everything I had with you. Because you were more important than her, because you gave me all and she never gave me a shit. I couldn't let her to fuck up this, because certainly I knew how my story with her would end, because I saw that end every time she appeared in my life when I was with someone else. Because I always let myself to be blinded and I trusted her over and over again, hoping that finally she changed. But that never happened and this time it wouldn't happen again. And I was with you and I didn't want to lose an awesome person such as you are. I couldn't lose you for a stupid love affair that would last only one night. I told Mia to go away; I told her that she needed to leave the party because she was nothing for me now, and because she wasn't welcome any longer. So yeah, she left. And you weren't coming back, so I just decided to wait for you in the bedroom. I was... I wasn't proud to have kissed her back, I felt like the biggest douchebag; but I was happy because finally I took the right choice to forget Mia and start what I always wanted with you." **_Darren said with a slight smile on his face while you didn't know either what to think or what to feel. But Darren cleared his throat and kept talking. _**"I know I'm not completely over her. She still crosses my mind several times, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contempt also passes through my heart. Maybe if this happens enough, my heart will become completely hardened to her, and I'll get to the point where she doesn't affect me anymore. But also I'm sure I love you, but at the same time I'm afraid to give you my all, I'm afraid to love you completely. What if behind your beautiful face and kind words you are just bribing me? Maybe you're just reeling me in until you turn around and drop me. I'd fall so far and never be able to recover, I wish I could see the ending sometimes. I would know if I should hold on to you and keep going or just let it all end before I get up too high because it's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. You have this fear that every person you start to fall for, is just going to break your heart again. I was scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love, it never seems to last. I know I shouldn't feel this way with you, but... I just can't avoid it."**_

Darren paused, still resting his head on your shoulder and he shed some tears. His voice denoted guilt and anguish. Meanwhile, you felt how your heart was breaking in million pieces. You couldn't talk, you couldn't do anything, you wanted to cry out all the pain you were feeling, but you couldn't do it. Yes, Darren loved you but he wasn't completely ready to be with you just as you wanted. He was still scared to give all of him to you; he wasn't ready to start a relationship with you, and you couldn't be around him pretending to be friends or more than friends but nothing else with him, because you couldn't stand more confusing things in your life. You needed someone who could be sure what really wanted and even though you truly loved Darren, he couldn't give you what you needed. Besides, a part of Darren was still in love with Mia and you couldn't be with someone who was thinking in someone else while was with you. Darren was confused and he needed time to think what he really wanted, and you couldn't be with hime while he was trying to figure out it; because it'd hurt you. Both of you would end hurt. You started to feel that lump in throat again and you tried your best not to mourn all you wanted to cry. And even though you were feeling tightness in the breast, you didn't cry. Instead, you kept holding Darren. Darren cleared his throat once again.

"_**I'm so very sorry. I can't believe that I was so unbelievably stupid. I don't know what, or if, I was thinking. How could I do this to you? I'd spend every day of my life just to make this up to you if you'd believe that I'm sorry and just give me the chance to fix this. And words cannot express how sorry I am and words cannot fix this. But, I want you to know that I love you today as much as I did when we met and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make this right. I know that you probably don't believe me and I don't blame you at all. But, I'll still be here when you're ready. I'll do whatever it takes to support you in the days ahead. If you need space, I'll respect that. All you need to do is say the word and I'll get you what you need. You don't have to worry about Mia or this happening again, as those things are both finished. Right now, my commitment is with you."**_ Darren said, this time looking into your empty eyes. Your face didn't express anything at all and you stayed silent. _**"Please, say something."**_ Darren looked at you desperate and sad as you cleared your throat to try to talk.

"_**Wow, well... I'm gonna be honest here and I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear and I'm sorry if I'm not completely nice, but I'm gonna be completely honest."**_ You started to say and Darren bit his lower lip and looked down a bit sad, knowing that what you were going to say wasn't something good. _**"So yeah, you were honest with me so I'm gonna be just as honest. You know? I always thought that love is like falling down... in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever. You'll never forget neither Mia nor all you went through with her. You lived with her very intense moments; you even were going to marry her. I can see in your eyes how much you loved her and how much you still love her. Don't deny it because that's what I saw in your eyes and eyes never lie; so just don't lie to me only because you want to make me feel less worse than the way I'm feeling now. Even though you went through those bad moments that made you feel so insecure when it's about love, I still think is never late to change it. Yes, probably your heart is gonna be broken again; yes, maybe you're gonna be hurt again; but it doesn't mean that you'd never find someone who's gonna make you fight for that love because you're gonna feel that at the end all the pain is worth it to be with that someone. And maybe I'm not that person, maybe I'm not the person who can make you feel that all of that is worth it, but at some point of your life you'll find that special person. Right now you're just really confused, you really don't know exactly what is that something you want, and you need time to think about it. Obviously you can't trust me enough, judging by your words, but I don't blame you at all. You're just not ready to start something with someone and I'm sorry but I cannot be with someone who's confused. I cannot be with someone who isn't sure about what is that thing he wants. Because I've been hurt too and I cannot be hurt again. You being confused and us being together while you're confused would screw things more than already are; and I really don't want it. And you were with me while you still loved Mia and that reallyhurt me. It's like if you were lying to me all this time. You know? When one lie is told, two people are involved. The person lying and the person being lied to. The person being lied to has it the hardest. Actually it's not that you lied to me, it's that I dont believe you now. That is what has me distressed. I know you didn't intentionally break my heart, you even said you were sorry, but I cried anyway. I know the truth that you're too scared to admit, you still have feelings for her; but when you look at me, you can't even remember her name. And I think you're confused, I think you need to think about what you really want. I know you never meant to do everything you put me through, it's okay I forgive you. But I can't be in the same place than you are, I cannot stand it. So I guess I should go now, I should leave you alone so you really can think about everything. I'm sorry, Darren. But that's it."**_

You finished talking and you were looking at Darren with that blank stare although you wanted to cry. But you couldn't feel weak in this moment; you needed to stay strong to do what was right. If you showed your weak side, you surely would stay with Darren to comfort him. But he needed time alone to clear everything and if you satyed there, definitely everything you had would go to hell. Maybe you and Darren won't work, but you didn't want either to hate him or him to hate you; and that's why you needed to leave before things could get worse. Darren, by your side, was crying in silence. He really looked desvastated. He surely didn't like this, either you. But it was what needed to be done. You looked at him once more, trying to avoid the sadness in your heart, before you stood up and attempted to leave without saying a word. But Darren grabbed your arm to prevent you from moving as you sighed.

"_**Don't go. Please, stay. I need you right now. I need you to hold me when I cry. Please sleep with me on my drenched pillow, just for one night more."**_ Darren begged desperate while tears were running down his face. That made you feel really bad; you couldn't leave him like that because after all it broke your heart.

"_**I'm going to stay with you tonight because you need a friend, but that's all I'm going to be. No more hands in places they shouldn't be, no more giving you my heart so you can stamp all over it. But only for this night. And tomorrow we'll talk about what we're gonna do from now on."**_ You said looking into his eyes.

Darren nodded with a sad smile because he was happy to be able to sleep with you once more time, but he was really sad to know that it wouldn't be the same as always, because everything has changed and maybe you weren't going to be like before never again.

You went to the bedroom and lay in bed. Darren rested his head on your breast as he started to shed tears in silence. He quickly fell asleep crying and when you were sure that Darren was fast asleep, you also shed some tears in silence. It was going to be the last time you were going to sleep with Darren, the person you loved. And probably you weren't going to be together again. It was going to be the last time you were going to hold Darren in your arms before come back to NYC.

* * *

Next day you woke up before Darren. Darren's eyes were red and swollen and on his face there were some dry tears. He still had his head rested on your breast and he had one arm wrapped around your waist. You stayed quiet, looking at him sleeping for several minutes until you felt how a tear fell down your face. You quickly wiped it away and you decided it was time for you to get up if you didn't want to start crying inconsolably. Trying not to make any sudden movement to avoid waking up Darren, you got up and you started to pack your things trying not to make any noise. Darren was fast asleep at the time you finished packing. You sighed sadly before leaving the bedroom with your suitcase. You went straight to the kitchen for coffee and Joey was there. He smiled at you and offered you coffee. There was nobody else around, probably everyone was asleep. You sat at the table next to Joey.

"_**So... how are you this morning?"**_ Joey asked gently.

"_**I could be worse."**_ You answered looking down and taking a sip of your coffee.

"_**Whoa! I'm assuming that you actually talked to Darren."**_ Joey said amazed by your answer.

"_**That's right. We talked about everything. He told me everything."**_

"_**What do you mean with everything? Did he...did he tell you all about him and Mia?"**_ Joey asked carefully, widening his eyes.

"_**Yes. Everything. Since the time they met, how they got along well, how he loved her, how he was going to propose her, how she cheated on him, how she continued appearing in his life, how he couldn't get over her, what happened that night. He told me it all."**_ You said raising an eyebrow and smiling bitterly.

"_**Oh my Rowling. That...that should have been hard for both of you."**_ Joey said, astonished.

"_**Yeah. It really was."**_ You answered biting your lips and frowning.

"_**I bet. But...everything's cool now, isn't it?" **_Joey asked gingerly.

"_**It depends on what you mean by cool."**_ You looked up to him, still frowning but with a slight expression of sadness.

"_**Well, you know... that you and Darren will be still together, although everything that happened. That you know... you still love each other, that neither of you both are giving up on what you have." **_Joey asked awkwardly while you looked down again frowning and biting your lower lip. _**"I don't like so much that face. What happened between you both?"**_

"_**Well Joey, Darren is really confused right now, you know? He need time to think about all this, he still loves Mia and he loves me at the same time. So yeah... from now on I'm going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like its just a dream and pretend that he's not hurting me with all of this." **_You said, trying to stay strong and not to cry in front of Joey. You saw how Joey shook his head.

"_**Well, I honestly think because someone messes up once doesn't mean that within time they can't find a way to change for the better. Yeah, Darren made a mistake, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be only with you now. And so you know, love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you. I always say that love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly it turns on you with a miniature machine gun. You both are in that stage, when love seems to be a miniature machine gun, but it's not gonna be like that forever. You need to find the way back to be a perky elf dancing a merry little jig."**_ Joey said, looking at you deeply into your eyes while you just shook your head sadly.

"_**Yeah...but sometimes you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say goodbye. Honestly, Joey. That's we need both of us right now if we don't want to screw things even more. I cannot be with him if he still thinks about Mia. He needs to clear his mind, to figure out what he wants. And I can't be around him while he thinks that, because I'd end up even more hurt. So yeah, I'm coming back to NYC now, so he can be alone and calm." **_You said this time with tearful eyes, but not shedding any tear.

_**"So that's it right? Only one argument and you decide to give up, you decide to throw everything straight to hell?"**_ Joey said shaking his head incredulous.

"_**Listen Joey... it's like, once I sat down and looked at the situation, all the pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn't a puzzle anymore. None of the pieces fit together. And even if I tried really hard, the pieces, well they were two different puzzles. That's why I did it, he needs to understand that. Nothing can be the same than before, at least for now."**_ You said sadly and heartbrokenly.

"_**Yeah, sometimes things can seem so perfect, and then in a split second, it all comes and blows back up in your face, making you remember, that nothing ever works out for you. Something always fucks up your perfect thing. But let me tell you this... Not everything's gonna be picture perfect. Things sometimes take time and have rough times to get through before you can get there. But if you give up on things you want, everything you've gone through ends up being completely worthless. And you know, forgiveness is the the best weapon to fight against cheating or whatever happened between you both."**_ Joey said firmly but gently and you just couldn't take it anymore, you broke into tears. Joey came up to you and gently he hugged you, rubbing your back till you calmed down.

"_**I...I forgave him, Joey. I know this all wasn't his intention. I know that, but I just...I can't be with him now...because...because I'm deeply hurt...and I need time, I need time to restore myself...and he...he need time, he need time to figure out whether he wants to be with Mia, with me or with someone else. I...I don't like this, I wish...I wish this could be easier, this could be fine...I wish everything could work for us...but now, now everything sucks! And I can't be like this. And really...really I want him to be happy and...and it doesn't matter what it'll take to be like this...and, and I guess this is the right choice for now. I don't even know what I'm doing; I don't even know what I should do. I only want...I only want to be fine again. And...and this is the best I can think for now, Joey!"**_ You said sobbing on his shoulder while he kept rubbing your back, trying to calm you again.

"_**You know? You really know you love someone when all you want is for them to be happy, even if that means that you are not a part of it, and that's what you're feeling for Darren. Sorry if I sounded rude minutes earlier, it wasn't my intention. I'm just trying to make you understand that you don't have to give up. Yeah, maybe you both now need sometime alone. But you shouldn't think that Darren doesn't love you, you shouldn't think that he doesn't want to be with you. Because if Darren told all about him and Mia it's because he really loves you and he really doesn't want to lose you. This is hard for Darren, he barely talks about all of this with someone and I and Chuck are the only ones who know the completely story between him and Mia. Now you know it too. So it's not a minor detail. I wish things could be different for you both too, especially knowing how you both love to be with each other. Take your time, but don't give up. Can you do that?"**_ Joey said, looking at you kindly as you wiped your tears away.

"_**I can't promise anything, Joey. But I swear I'm gonna try. Thanks, for everything."**_ You said sincerely, looking into his eyes and Joey smiled at you and patted your hair.

You and Joey kept talking for a while and he really made you feel better. You didn't know why Joey was this kind with you, but you liked it and you were really glad for that. He was the one who helped you all this time, and if it wasn't for him right now you'd be depressed and really lost. You honestly could call him a friend of yours, even though you couldn't believe it, he proved you the opposite. You just felt comfortable with him. After half an hour, Darren popped in the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and with his hair completely messed up. He looked at you with a sad smile and sat in front of you without talking. He looked really terrible.

"_**Morning buddy! I know exactly what you need."**_ Joey said tapping Darren's shoulder as he gave him a cup of coffee. Darren smiled slightly, still sad.

"_**Thanks, man."**_ Darren said hoarsely.

"_**It's nothing. Well, now if you both excuse me, I'm gonna take a shower cause I stink alcohol."**_ Joey said laughing and he left the kitchen.

That was an awkward moment. Both of you stayed silent while Darren kept drinking his coffee and both of you were avoiding each other's eyes. Then Darren put aside his cup of coffee and placed his arm on the table, resting his head on his hand, looking at the table, his sight lost.

"_**How are you?"**_ You asked almost in a whisper to break the awkward silence. Darren looked up at you surprised at the sound of your voice.

"_**Same old."**_ Darren answered hoarsely, looking away. _**"You?"**_

"_**Just here."**_ You said also looking away but after a few seconds you looked at him. He'd rested his head on the table with his eyes closed. _**"Darren, we need to talk."**_

"_**Hmmm."**_ Darren muttered hoarsely still with his eyes closed and his head rested on the table.

"_**I'm serious, Darren."**_ You said shortly and Darren opened his eyes to look at you with a tearful glance.

"_**I don't want you to go."**_ Darren said, his voice choked.

"_**Darren..."**_ You whispered.

"_**Please. Let's forget everything that happened. I want you here with me. I need you here with me. Don't leave me please."**_ Darren begged you, still with his voice choked and hoarse.

"_**We need time alone. You need time alone, you... we talked about this already." **_You said trying to hide your sadness.

"_**We can make this work. You...I... I thought we were meant to be togheter. I feel in that way."**_

"_**Darren... listen. It's not that I'm saying we aren't meant to be together, I think that we're just not ready for forever. And I really can't be here if I'm not sure of all of this. You know? Sometimes we all need a little alone time. It doesn't mean we are mad, upset, shy or anything else, we all need some space."**_ You said, trying to avoid his gaze because you knew if you looked into his eyes you'd change your mind.

"_**I don't want you to leave. I'm scared that you won't come back never again. Sometimes distance is good, but sometimes it takes you nowhere. And if we aren't together, we'll never have a chance to work this out. We need to do this together."**_ Darren said grabbing your hands still with choked voice.

"_**Don't be scared. Somehow I know we'll meet again, not quite sure where and not sure when, you're in my heart so until then I'm gonna say goodbye. Actually I'm gonna say see you later. Trust me, it's not that I want to go away, but it's what I think is the best for both of us now. You'll feel better when you get to figure out what is what you want. I'm sorry Darren, and believe when I say that the last thing I want to do is to hurt you. Now, really I should go, my flight it's in about two hours. I'm sorry."**_ You said, squeezing Darren's hands and looking into his eyes this time.

"_**Promise me we'll see again." **_

"_**I promise you, Darren."**_

"_**Can I...can I have your phone number? You know, just in case..."**_ Darren asked shyly.

"_**Yes, of course you can."**_ You said smiling slightly and you gave him your phone number, but you didn't ask which was his.

"_**Boo...before you leave...Can I hug you one more time?"**_ Darren asked with his sad puppy dog eyes when you both were already in the front door.

"_**C'mere."**_ You smiled kindly and hugged Darren thightly.

That was an emotional moment. You felt tightness in the breast and you wanted to mourn because it really hurt you deep in the soul to leave Darren, and that hug meant that you weren't sure how long you'd be unable to see him again. That hug meant that perhaps would be the last hug because you weren't sure if things between you two were going to work out again. Darren was hugging you very thightly while he rested his head on your shoulder. The hug lasted few minutes, neither of you two wanted to break it. But then you broke the hug to kiss him on his cheek as Darren closed his eyes, shedding some tears.

"_**See you later, Darren." **_

You turned around to leave that house and to come back to NYC. When you were far away from the house you couldn't help it but mourn endlessly.

* * *

_FOUR DAYS LATER..._

* * *

You were back in NYC and you thought this could make you feel better, but it was the opposite. You missed Darren like hell. It didn't matter how hard you tried to keep your mind busy, all the time you found yourself thinking about Darren. You started to wonder if you took the right decision because you weren't feeling any better. You wanted to be with Darren, you wanted to spend time with him, and you wanted to cuddle up to him, to kiss him, to make him smile. You wanted to see his eyes again, his smile, you wanted to run your fingers through his curls again. You couldn't help it. As much as you wanted to give him time to settle down things, you really needed him. But you knew you couldn't regret, you knew that for now that was the best option even though it was killing you. And not knowing absolutely anything about him was making you feel desperate. He had your number, but he didn't text you nor call you. You even haven't received a letter from him. Yes, you understood he needed time to think and actually you were the one who told you Darren to do this, so it was understandable. But you really needed someone to talk to; you couldn't be alone in this time because you were getting worse over time. You looked in your agenda April's phone number, maybe you could talk to her. Maybe April could help you to carry on all of this, she always did so. Yes, you didn't want to bug her, but she was the only one who could help you, and you both were really good friends. You dialed the phone number and waited until she answered.

"_**Hello?"**_ April's voice said friendly.

"_**April? Hey, it's me!"**_ You answered just as friendly.

"_**Shorty?" **_

"_**Yes, it's me!"**_ You laughed. April started to call you like that since the time you joked about your height and now it turned into her pet name for you.

"_**Oh my God, Shorty! It's so amazing to hear your voice! It's has been a while since the last time I got any news from you! How have you been?"**_ April's voice sounded excited.

"_**I know right? I'm sorry about that, I wasn't in NYC and well, it has happened a lot lately!" **_

"_**Oh well, that sounds really interesting. I think someone had a good time in her vacation!"**_

"_**Yeah...well..."**_

"_**Oh no, no. I don't like the sound of your voice. I have free time right now so you're telling me everything that happened recently as you said!"**_

"_**Yes, actually that's why I called. I really need to talk to someone right now. And well, you're my best friend. But I didn't want to bug you..."**_

"_**Oh Shorty! You never bug me! So spit it out! I'm here to listen all your news."**_

"_**Alright. I don't even know where to start. It's about...do you remember the mysterious guy?"**_

"_**How could I forget him? That speacial sweet boy that drives you crazy? Of course I remember him! Has something wrong happened with him?"**_

"_**No, I don't know...Well, I never told you before and I'm sorry for that but I guess...I guess I wasn't ready to tell anyone, you know...Uhmm, I didn't even can believe it and well...so yeah..."**_

"_**Oh Shorty, although is cute to hear you rambling, please calm down. It's okay you didn't tell me before, you're telling me now right? So don't worry about it!"**_

"_**Yes, that's right. Well, I met him about six months ago. I mean, I met him in person."**_

"_**Oh my god! Oh my god! What? What? Oh please, how is he? Is he as cute as you imagined him? How did you meet? Did you spend time together? Oh this is bunch of new information!"**_ April said really excited and you giggled at her reaction.

"_**Whoa! Now you're the one who needs to calm down!"**_ You laughed and April did the same. _**"Alright. Yes, I met him about six months ago; he told me he was ready to meet me in person so he prepared a really cute surprise. Remember that large tree he mentioned me to go at the Central Park? Well, he asked me to go there and then he prepared some kinds of clues, you know how much he loves TinTin and all that! So I had to follow those clues and well, at the end I met him following those clues. And yes, he's as cute as I imagined, even cuter. He's a wonderful person, a totally awesome person very cute, sweet, smart, funny and handsome, and sexy and..."**_

"_**Oh well, well, I think someone is in love!"**_ April laughed.

"_**Yes, actually yes. I'm in love with him. Like seriously. So yes, since that time...since that time we spent all the time together. Like, we were all day together. Even we slept together, just cuddling because yes, we were only friends. But he was this kind of adorable person, that…I let myself to fall in love with him. And we…we had something special, you know? We weren't like normal friends…we spent almost of our time cuddling, talking and I felt so comfortable with him, like I felt in a way I didn't feel in years! And he was feeling as good as I was feeling. It's like…I don't know I feel different whenever I'm with him like, you know, I feel safe with him. I loved being hold in his arms. And I've never been this happy when I'm with him, as if nothing more matters but him, like there's no more sadness. And god, he's so beautiful, so beautiful. I couldn't be his friend any longer because…because I was feeling different. I…I wanted to kiss him, you know. When I was with him the most I wanted was to kiss him. But, you know…I couldn't lose a friend."**_

"_**Did you kiss him?"**_

"_**Yes. I did. But not in that time."**_

"_**Is that the reason why you're like this?"**_

"_**No. No actually."**_

"_**Alright, I listen to you."**_

"_**Well, yeah. Then he had to come back to LA. And I was sad, but at the same time I was happy because finally I met him. Well, we kept sending each other letters and all. Then I started my vacation…and he bought me a plane ticket to go to LA the entire month, I was going to stay at his place. So of course I said yes! I really wanted to see him again."**_

"_**Oh please, this guy is so cute! He bought you a plane ticket to be with you! Anyway, he seems to be rich or something, I mean…he gave you so many things!"**_

"_**Yeah, well…he is…he's kinda famous. He's not a…uhmm, a normal person. Yeah…"**_ You said a bit uncomfortable.

"_**Kinda famous? What do you mean? Oh god, do I know him? Who's this guy? What's his name?" **_April asked intrigued.

"_**Yeah, you may know him…He's…well, he's Darren Criss."**_ There was a silence for a few seconds.

"_**What the hell? Darren Criss? Harry freakin' Potter? Blaine? Toby? Darren Criss, the singer?"**_ April asked, freaking out and amazed.

"_**Yes, Darren Criss. Please, don't tell this to anyone!"**_

"_**Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! You kissed Darren freakin' Criss! Oh my fucking god!"**_ April squealed.

"_**Yes, I did. But please, don't…don't say a word about this, April please. I trust you, that's why I'm telling you all of this."**_

"_**I promise I won't say a word. But oh damn! You met Darren Criss, you stayed at his place, oh you cuddled with him, oh you kissed him! Oh damn!"**_

"_**Yes, yes. But…wait, wait. I didn't finish telling you everything."**_

"_**Oh my god. Okay, I'm listening. Oh crap."**_ April said, trying to control her excitement.

"_**Well, yeah. So I stayed at his place, and I met his brother and his friends. And then was this night…we were at a party and I was tipsy and I…I wanted to try doing body shots…"**_

"_**Oh holy crap! Did you do body shots with Darren Criss?"**_

"_**No, I didn't. There was Joey dancing with me…"**_

"_**Joey Richter?"**_

"_**Yes, Joey Richter."**_

"_**Oh my god!"**_

"_**Yeah…well, I did body shots with Joey and…we both were drunk, and well…we kissed."**_

"_**Oh shit, you kissed Joey Richter!"**_

"_**Yes, but because we were drunk and all. And then…well, Darren saw all that and…Uhmm, he punched Joey on the face. Then, he…called me…well, he said I was a whore and I was, I was so sad and yes, I ran away from there. Darren tried to talk to me but I wasn't ready, I wanted to come back to NYC. Next morning I was leaving, but then I heard Chuck and Darren talking, and that made me change my mind. I decided to talk to Darren, he was sorry. We talked. He was jealous; he told me a lot of wonderful things. He told me he loved me, and it wasn't friendship love. He told me I was his best friend and his love; that he was in love with me. He told me that his life was a mess until I came up. And that was the time we kissed."**_

"_**Oh wow. Darren Criss loves you! He told you he loves you. Do you realize it? Oh wow! Are you dating now or something? Oh god, this is a lot, really a lot of new information and the best one! I'm completely astonished!"**_

"_**Yes, well, but there's something else. We went to this house; he has a house at the beach. So yes, and there were his StarKid friends, a lot of them. That night we had a party, a bonfire and that. And then, Mia came to the party."**_

"_**Mia Swier?" **_

"_**Yes, Mia Swier. Well, she was nice in front of everybody. But then we went for a walk, and she said really awful things. Something like I was stupid and naïve if I thought I could have any chance with Darren, that Darren and she were…uhmm, that they get along so well, you know in bed and all that. She told me that Darren can't be away from her because she can give him all I can't."**_

"_**You didn't believe that, right?"**_

"_**No, I didn't. I knew Darren and I didn't know her, so yeah, I trusted Darren. But then…then suddenly I went to the kitchen, and Mia and Darren were making out, like really. I don't know what happened there but I felt so damn bad because I thought Darren and I had something. I mean, he told me he loved me and that I changed his life and all, but then he was making out with Mia. I didn't know what the hell was going on, the only I knew is that I felt so stupid, somehow I felt betrayed. Because, you know, all that time I was making up things in my mind that weren't, because Darren never mentioned that we had something, but I thought we…I really thought…"**_ You started to stammer because you couldn't hold back your tears any longer while you were remembering all that.

"_**Shorty, calm down. Have you talked with Darren about this?"**_

"_**Yes, I have. We…he told me everything that happened between he and Mia since the first time they met. He was really in love with her; he told me that she has hurt him and now it was hard for him to believe in love again, he's scared to start something with someone because he's scared that someone can break his heart again…he told me he's not completely over Mia. He told me he still thinks about her, but also he feels sick when thinks about her, but he's not over her. He told me again he loved me. But he's confused, so confused and I can't…I've been hurt in my life, you know that. And I can't be with someone who isn't sure if wants to be with me or not. And it really hurts me and I can't stand it because I really love him, but he's confused and I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what to do! We…we decided to take a while, to think about what we want. And I want to be with him, but I cannot be with him, and everything's a mess and I think about him all the time. I can't stop thinking about him, and I want him back. But he cannot do it because he's not sure, and if we're together while he's not sure, everything's gonna go to hell and I don't want that. But neither I want be without him. And…I'm so sad, I'm so broken. I don't know what I'm supposed to do; I don't know what to do to stop thinking about him. Everything's a complete mess right now, April! Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet."**_

"_**Oh damn."**_

"_**Yeah, I know. Love hurts. I say that because I know. Love is... or was amazing. It's an incredible feeling to know what he's going to say. It's more incredible the way he has me on the edge of my seat because he's so completely random, I never know what's coming next. It's hard to explain, but he filled some void in me, and now, without him, I'm missing something again. I wonder if it will ever truly, whole heartedly be filled again. I just don't want to know what it's like to hurt any more. And I still find myself thinking about him and how life used to be when we were together; I wonder what he's doing and I wonder if I ever cross his mind; then I start to cry and I tell myself what are I'm crying for. In my mind, I just want to forget and move on but my heart is more powerful and I still have love for him. I can close my ears to something I don't want to hear, I could close my eyes to something I don't want to see, but I can't close my heart to something I don't want to feel. And oh damn, what the hell do you do when the only person who can stop your tears is the one making you cry?"**_

"_**Listen, Shorty. It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life would be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days, but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it. Of course, you're going to get your heart broken. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again. And yeah, we're afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person doesn't care at all. But judging for what you told me, Darren cares about you and he's only confused. You may think now that everything's hopeless now, that nothing can improve; but it's not like that actually, you only have to give it time. And if at the end both of you realize you weren't meant to be together, well I'm not gonna lie, you'll feel like crap. But you'll get over it, and you'll always have a friend to lean on and who's gonna help you overcome that rough situation. Right now, you just need time for yourself. Yes, maybe you can't stop thinking about him. If you can't do it, then you need to start doing things, to go out, to enjoy all you have. Keep your mind busy doing all those things you always wanted to do, it's gonna help you. With time, you're gonna stop thinking about him. And then it's gonna come the time you both are gonna decide what's the best for both. But meanwhile, don't think about it so much, because it's gonna hurt you. Right now, all you have to do it's to find time to relax and have fun."**_

"_**I know April, and thank you for your words. But I honestly don't know what I could do. It's like I don't want to do anything. I feel so weak and downhearted."**_

"_**Fine. I'm gonna tell you what to do. In three weeks it's my birthday and I'm gonna have a party. I want you to come and have fun, and I don't want you to say no. You're required to attend the party."**_

"_**Yes, it sounds good."**_ You giggled and wiped away your tears.

"_**That's what I wanted to hear, darling. Promise me you'll be better? And whenever you feel down again, don't doubt to call me again."**_

"_**I promise. Thank you, April. Really thank you."**_

"_**It's alright, Shorty. Now I have to go to classes, but please remember if you feel bad…"**_

"_**I'm gonna call you, yes. Thanks again, April. I hope you can have a great day!"**_

"_**You too. Bye my friend!"**_

"_**Bye!"**_

You hung up and lay on bed, thinking about everything that April told you. She was right, you needed to do things for yourself and stop thinking about Darren. You decided that from that day on you were going to do that.

* * *

_THREE WEEKS LATER…_

* * *

That night was April's birthday party and you really didn't want to go, but you thought it maybe could help you to think about something else instead thinking about Darren. You tried to do what April has told you to do, you really tried hard, but that didn't happen. Every time you were trying to focus in something else, Darren popped on your thoughts again. You couldn't help it. In three weeks you haven't received news from Darren. That really felt weird. You couldn't stop wonder if Darren missed you as much as you missed him. Maybe he didn't miss you at all; otherwise he'd have sent you a text. He didn't even send you a text telling you that he'd been thinking and he didn't want to be with you. On the one hand, you really wanted him to send you a text to know about him, to know how he was, to know if he still was thinking about you. On the other hand, you didn't want him to send you a text because you had no idea what he could say to you, you weren't ready to receive a bad new from him. Anyway, with time you started to think that maybe it was time to forget all the fantasies you've imagined with Darren, maybe you both weren't meant to be together so that was the reason why you've been through this. You couldn't stand this feeling any longer so you said to yourself that it was time to go out to the world and meet new people, maybe you could find one person who could be completely with you, maybe you could find someone who could give you all you needed, maybe you could find someone who wasn't confused for his feelings. So if things were going to be like that, it was time to forget Darren until he had some kind of decision and you needed to enjoy your time and stop thinking about him because it was taking you to nowhere. So maybe this party could help you to do that.

You arrived to the party and there were a lot of people. Wow, April really had a lot of friends. Everyone was happy, dancing and drinking while you tried to find April in middle of the crowded place. Finally you found her; she was talking to a girl. You walked through they were. As soon as April saw you, she hugged you tightly.

"_**Shorty! I'm so damn happy that you decided to come!"**_ April said with a big smile offering you a drink which you accepted_**. "Let me introduce you Claire. Claire, she's Shorty my letter-friend that I talked you about. Shorty, this is Claire, my girlfriend."**_ She said proudly, looking at Claire happily.

"_**It's so nice to meet you finally, Shorty! April has talked me a lot about you!"**_ Claire said with a big smile and you smiled back.

"_**Really? Well, I'm so glad to meet you too. I didn't know you both were dating already! That makes me so happy!"**_ You said smiling widely.

"_**Yes, we were dating since three months ago!"**_ April said, grabbing Claire's hand. _**"Shorty, please feel free to drink whatever you want!"**_

"_**Yeah, be sure of that."**_ You laughed and they did the same.

You were really happy that April finally was dating with Claire. It took too long for her to start talking with Claire and now, seeing them so happy with each other actually made you smile. You were just there standing and drinking while someone appeared behind you, making you startle.

"_**Oh well, well, look who's here! The Drama Queen!"**_ A man's voice said.

You turned away to see who this guy was. You recognized him, it was a guy called Matt and he was your fellow in your theatre classes. He was a pretty handsome guy. He was tall and he had big green eyes with blonde hair. Why was Matt there anyway? You never talked too much with him. He was really great; he was the funniest of the entire class. Anyway, you were glad that there was someone you knew to talk to.

"_**Drama Queen, really?**_" You looked at him amused as he nodded smiling.

"_**Yeah, you're the best when it's about drama scenes. I always wanted to perform with you, you know, to see if I can learn a little drama from you. But I always end up being the goofiest in the class!"**_ Matt said laughing and you laughed along with him.

"_**Well yeah, you're hilarious. I can't stop laughing whenever it's your turn to perform. I wonder how it'd end if we perform together. It could be quite interesting. The Drama Queen and The Goofy King. Make it like a movie."**_ You winked and giggled.

"_**I'm up for that. Maybe we should convince Mr. Thompson to allow us perform together."**_ Matt said smiling.

"_**Oh well, I think he could listen to you. I'm not sure if he's interested in girls."**_ You said, raising an eyebrow and laughing.

"_**You have a point there. Leave it up to me. I'm gonna do it."**_ Matt said laughing.

"_**Hey guys, do you know each other?" **_April asked behind you, intrigued.

"_**Yes, we're in the same theatre class."**_ You answered smiling.

"_**Really, Matt? You never told me!"**_ April said surprised. _**"She's my friend, who I met through letters, remember?"**_

"_**Really? Oh well, well, look how small the world is!"**_ Matt said amazed. _**"I'm April's cousin."**_ Matt said looking at you.

"_**Oh wow. Indeed the world is super small! So many coincidences that if we keep like this it's gonna turn creepy!"**_ You said laughing.

"_**I'd have to agree with that, Shorty. Okay guys, have fun! Claire is calling me!"**_ April said and before she left he looked at you with an amused smile and winked at you. Wow, you really didn't know what she meant with that.

"_**So…do you wanna dance? It's quite boring being at a party and not dance."**_ Matt said to you still smiling.

"_**Yes, I don't wanna be the dead rubber of the party."**_ You said raising your eyebrows.

"_**You won't, get ready to have a blast!"**_ Matt said excited.

When Matt said you were going to have a blast, he wasn't lying. He was really funny and friendly. Next to him you couldn't stop dancing and laughing. You wondered why you never talked to him enough, he was pretty awesome. At some point of the night, you both went to get something to drink. You were a little tired to have been dancing as insanely as you were so after getting those drinks you sat on a table near there. You were joking and laughing when suddenly your phone buzzed. You looked at it and your face changed completely. An unknown number had sent you a text.

**From unknown number: I've been lying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes I do think about you, every now and then. This is my number, I'm Darren.**

Your heart skipped a beat and you got a little nervous and sad at the same time. What the hell was this you were feeling? You were expecting the moment Darren texted you and when it happened you weren't feeling good. You didn't know what to think. Why did he have to text you just when you were trying to stop thinking of him, when you were having fun? You were in the middle of a party and you couldn't just cry there, and less in front of Matt. You couldn't answer in that moment. Why was he texting you this after three weeks? You were trying to get over him and he just texted you. You decided that you weren't to answer him and you were going to enjoy your time with Matt. But your mood weren't the same as before. Now you were serious and frowning slightly. Then your phone buzzed again.

**From Darren: Sorry, I know it's late. But…are you awake?**

You frowned again and put you phone aside, but after a few seconds you phone buzzed over again.

**From Darren: You surely are sleeping. I just wanted to say that I miss you like hell.**

You bit your lower lip and tried to hold back your tears. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Darren could make you change your feelings from one minute to another. You only wanted to enjoy the party but now you couldn't. Now you wanted to be in you apartment and just think about Darren again. You hated that party, you hated being with Matt, you hated this thing Darren was making you feel. You put your phone away and you looked away frowning. No doubt Matt had noticed your change of mood.

"_**Whoa! It seems that someone unwanted texted you. Is everything alright?"**_ Matt asked looking at you.

"_**Yeah…it's nothing."**_ You answered, still looking away and frowning. You really wanted to leave the party.

"_**It doesn't seem like nothing. Who was it?" **_

"_**Just a guy."**_

"_**Mmm, a guy. Yeah, I got it. This guy and you have something complicated; maybe a love affair that it's not working and after a long, finally you received news from him, probably telling you that he misses you."**_ Matt said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow, still staring at you intently as you looked at him astonished.

"_**Oh hell. How can you know all that?"**_

"_**Oh well, I've been there. It's not so hard to guess, though."**_ Matt said shrugging. _**"So, is that you who don't want to see him or it's because you broke up but the guy keeps insisting?"**_

"_**Oh damn, Matt. Well…it's kinda complicate."**_ You answered a little uncomfortable.

"_**No need to feel uncomfortable with me. You know, you can talk to me about this. By your face I can notice that you need someone to talk to. We can go outside if you want a quiet place."**_ Matt said smiling kindly.

"_**Alright, yes. I prefer to go outside."**_ You answered looking at your lap.

You both went outside and sat cross-legged on the floor. You started to tell Matt your entire story with Darren but without mentioning his name. You didn't even know why you were telling him all of this, but for some reason Matt made you feel comfortable and he was being really friendly with you. You even felt better when you told him all that and it seemed as if you weren't bugging him, he really was paying attention to you and he was trying to understand you. He didn't interrupt you, he didn't say anything to you when you finished, he just listened to you and that was what you needed. To be listened not to be advised. He understood that you weren't feeling so good and all you needed in that moment was to go to your place and just rest, so he drove you to your apartment. When you arrived, he walked you to your front door, and before leaving, he told you some words.

_**"I only want you to know a little something that took me a long to realize and it may help you. Everything is like if you can't laugh at the same joke again and again, then you should stop crying over the same thing over and over again. Your relationship ended. Not your life, so move on. There are still good things and you cannot notice them if you don't move on. I hope things can work for you; it's not good someone like you as sad as you are. Have a good sleep, and we'll see later."**_

You smiled at him and he left. When you were completely alone, you cried but you decided that you shouldn't be like this forever as Matt has told you. You fell asleep without replying Darren's text. Maybe the best would be if you don't answer him until the time you get to feel better.

* * *

_THE NEXT DAY…_

* * *

You woke up by the sound of your phone. You rubbed your eyes and grabbed your phone to read the text.

**From Darren: You know boo? I know I haven't been around but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you.**

You looked at the text frowning. You really didn't know what Darren was trying to do with all those texts. You didn't know if he even was thinking about what he really wanted. Because, if he really wanted to be with you because he realized that what he was feeling for Mia was in the past, why wouldn't he just tell you so? But no, he kept texting those things that made you feel even more confused. Maybe Darren was feeling alone, so he wanted to talk to you but it didn't mean that he really was ready to start a relationship with you. Maybe the only thing that Darren needed was to talk with you because he didn't want to face his feelings, but even though you wanted to help him, you couldn't do it because you didn't want to end up hurt. You were going to talk to Darren the time he finally takes a decision. So instead replying him, you went to the kitchen to take some coffee and start painting. After several minutes he texted you again.

**From Darren: I was thinking that you never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back and I'm really scared to have lost you. Because I want to get you back. I really need you.**

You put your phone aside to try to not think in those words that Darren just told you. You knew if you read it again, you'd answer him because that was what you wanted to do. You wanted to tell him that you also needed him, that you also wanted him back and that couldn't happen. You tried to come back again to your painting, but you phone buzzed again.

**From Darren: But you know? A million words wouldn't bring you back, I know because I've tried, neither would a million tears, I know I've cried. I'd like to see you again.**

You needed to clear your mind, to stop thinking of Darren, because you were feeling in the same you were feeling the last weeks again. You decided to take a shower, maybe it'd help you to put away all you were thinking. Once you finished your shower, there were a lot of texts from Darren. It was even a missed call from him.

**From Darren: Today is just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don't have.**

**From Darren: I wish you could be with me now.**

**From Darren: I'm missing you; I'd like to hug you right now. Remember when we used to cuddle when we were happy? Even we cuddled when one of us or both of us were sad. I need that now. I really would like to know how you are.**

**From Darren: I've been thinking a lot these days. I couldn't take you away from my mind. Hope things are working for you; I wouldn't like to know you're bad.**

**From Darren: Why didn't you answer my phone call? Are you still asleep? It's almost noon. I hope you can reply me once you get all of this. I love you.**

You really didn't know what to do. Damn, he really knew the way to make you want reply him, to make you love him. Darren really wasn't feeling good, you could notice it and that was what made you feel even worse. Maybe you could reply him. But what would you tell him? You couldn't tell him you loved him, even though that was the truth, because you wouldn't help him to figure out what he really wanted if you tell him so. You couldn't tell him how you were really feeling because it'd make feel Darren even worse. You couldn't even tell Darren that you missed him so much because he probably would tell you that he wanted to meet you again and he wasn't ready for that. Not at least if he really wanted this to work out. You needed to do another thing to distract yourself. You decided to text April.

**To April: How do you get up from an all-time low?**

**From April: Oh well, it seems that things got worse. See you in 20 in our usual Starbucks shop.**

You quickly changed your clothes to leave your apartment. When you arrived to the Starbucks shop, April was already there with your coffee order. You walked up to where she was and sat in front of her.

"_**What has happened now?"**_ April asked as soon as you approached her, a little concerned.

You sighed before telling April all that happened since the party. You told her how much fun you were having with Matt, how you were getting along well. You told her how then Darren texted you and how it changed your mood. You told her how Matt listened to you when you explained him what was going on with you. You told her how Matt walked you to your apartment and he was so kind with you in that hard moment for you and when you needed someone. Then you told her all the texts that Darren had sent you and how he'd called you, but you didn't reply. April stayed silent until you finished telling her everything that happened.

"_**How are you feeling about all of this?"**_ April asked quietly.

"_**I don't know. I mean, in that moment I really wanted to reply him because although I know he really needs time to think and it's better if I don't mess his thoughts by replying him; I still love him so much. And he truly seemed sad; it really seemed as if he needed someone to talk to. And yes, it made me feel bad because I hate to know he's not doing alright and I'm here without doing anything about it, and I cannot be idly while I know he needs me, or at least knowing that he needs someone. But I decided to stop listening what my heart wanted to do and instead I listened what my mind thought the right thing to do was; and that's why I didn't reply him. But honestly I don't know any more if I'm doing the right thing. What if he thinks I don't care at all? What if he thinks I don't have feelings for him anymore? And worse yet, what if he thinks I only wanted to be with him just for fun and to spend only a few days, if he thinks I played with him like a touch and go? I don't want him to feel like that, because it's not like that. And it'll kill me if he thinks I forgot him. I only want to do the right thing but I don't know any longer what the right thing is."**_ You said, looking at your lap confused and frustrated. April stayed silent for few minutes, just looking at you.

"_**Okay. There's a moment when you need to think only about yourself and not about how the other person would feel. This doesn't mean you're selfish. It means that first you have to think of yourself to learn how to love yourself, then when you get it, that's gonna be the time to take the right decision. Because only when you get to love and respect yourself, you're gonna be ready to love someone else. I'm not saying that you don't love Darren because I know you do; I can see that in your eyes. What I'm trying to say is that you love him but you don't realize that your feelings also matter. You worry too much about how he may be feeling but you don't worry about how you're feeling and that's not good. You don't want him to be sad; you don't want him to be hurt. But, what about you? What are you doing for yourself? Nothing but being sad. You're losing so many amazing things because you're only worried about something which answer and solution will come only with time. There's not so much you can do about it. And I'm not saying that you should give up on him, so don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that you can't take the right decision while you're feeling this crap. Taking decisions in a crappy mood will make you take the wrong decision. Because you're gonna take a decision only to finish this situation as fast as you can because of fear to lose him. And if you really love him and he really loves you, you don't have to worry about losing each other because real love doesn't end with time, real love doesn't end with distance. If what you both feel is real love, the solution will come when you less expect, as long as you don't push it. If you want to text him back, go ahead. But don't push him nor push yourself. Let him know how you feel and what you want. Because this isn't only about him, it's about you too because you know that love involves two people and not only one. Text him if you know you're not gonna feel worse and meanwhile enjoy your life. If things between the two of you is gonna work, you don't want him to see you like crap, you'd want him to see you happy because everybody loves seeing someone smiling. And if things don't work for you both and you didn't enjoy your life in waiting, you'll feel really bad as if you wasted your time. And now you have Matt, you told me you both got along well. Well, maybe you could enjoy your time with him. And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that you should start a love affair with him to not think about Darren. But you can be friends; friends always make you feel better. And you and Matt share a lot of things, I mean you have much in common and even though he's the goofiest man I know, he's a good boy. So, think about it Shorty." **_April said looking deeply into your eyes.

"_**Yeah, but seriously it's easier to say it than doing it."**_ You sighed frustrated although you knew she was right.

"_**Well, nobody said it was going to be easy. But if you don't try you'll never know."**_ April said shrugging and smiling to encourage you.

"_**Guess you have a point. I'll try, I promise."**_ You said smiling lightly and trying to think positively.

You spent all day with April, planning things for a next meeting. You really liked spend your time with April because she always was there for you, and she was comprehensive and kind with you, and she also knew the way to make you feel better and laugh. You could talk to her about everything and that made you really happy. It was late in the afternoon so you both decided to come back to your respective apartments.

You were already in your apartment when you received a text from Darren.

**From Darren: It's really late and I'm sure you already read all my texts. Did I do something that really bugged you? I don't know, I'm wondering if the reason why you didn't text me back is because you don't want to talk to me. I'd really like to know it. I still think of you.**

You tried to take the advice that April told you. It was time to reply Darren and let him know how you were feeling, but you had to reply him in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings. And you needed to do it to know if you really could get worse, if you could do this. You took a breath before replying him.

**To Darren: You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to; it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore.**

After several minutes thinking if you should answer him or not, you pressed send. You were a little nervous because you didn't know how Darren would take this. But you needed to do it, you needed to let him know that you really wanted to talk to him but right now you couldn't. But four hours passed and he didn't reply back. Maybe he didn't take it in a good way. Maybe you just screwed everything by replying that. Or maybe he was busy. The truth was that you didn't know. You didn't know almost anything about Darren, about how he really was, what he was doing, with who he was. So you really couldn't know what the reason he didn't reply back was. Maybe he was upset with you because you weren't replying him so he just didn't want to reply you. But you were sure that he wasn't going to reply you now and you couldn't wait for his reply all night long. So you just went to bed and tried to keep Darren away from your mind to try to sleep. Before falling asleep you checked your phone. There was no reply from Darren yet.

* * *

You woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. You didn't know what time it was so you checked your phone, still with your eyes half closed. As soon as you checked your phone, you got wide awake. There were ten missed calls from Darren and a text.

**From Darren: Why do you keep ignoring my calls? I really would like to talk to you now.**

**To Darren: I'm sorry. I was sleeping. **

You answered quickly as soon as you read his text. Five seconds later your phone started to buzz. It was an incoming call from Darren.

"_**Hi?"**_ You answered your phone, trying not to sound nervous.

"**Hi boo, I'm sorry I didn't know you were sleeping."** Darren said. Oh you really missed to hear his voice.

"_**It's alright."**_ You really didn't know what to say, you were freaking out because after a long you were hearing Darren's voice and you couldn't help it but missing him.

"**It's really nice to hear your voice again."** Darren said. It seemed as if Darren was smiling and you smiled goofily.

"_**It's nice to hear yours too, Darren."**_

"**I really miss you, you know?" **Darren said a little sad and that made you feel bad.

"_**Yeah…me too. But…" **_

"**I really wanted to talk to you. Sorry I didn't reply your text quickly, I was working. But as soon as I read it I just wanted to talk to you, and I couldn't do it by texts."**

"_**Don't worry…Uhm, well…wha-what did you want to tal-talk about?"**_ You stammered and you cursed yourself for that. You weren't supposed to be this nervous.

"**Well, you told me that you wanted to talk to me, but you couldn't because all the things you wanted to say me you couldn't tell me any longer. What's that? I mean…What does it mean?" **Darren asked a little confused and sad at the same time.

"_**You know what it means…I…listen Darren, I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm confused and I need time to think as you need it too."**_

"**Yeah. I've been thinking, a lot. And I always end up thinking about the same. It didn't take me so long to realize what I really want, what really makes me happy. Yeah, I was confused, but that's because I've been a fool."**

"_**No you aren't a fool. I get why you…"**_

"**Yes, I've been a fool. Can I ask you something?"**

"_**Yeah, go ahead."**_

"**Have you ever loved me? Like, really loved me? Please be honest."** Darren said firmly and you got nervous all of a sudden. Why was he asking you this? It seemed as if what you told April about your fear was coming true.

"_**Yes."**_

"**And…Do you still love me?"**

"_**Yes, I do." **_You said almost in a whisper. You didn't know what Darren point was with all of this, but you needed to be honest with him.

"**I love you too, I really do. When you said you were confused…are you confused about me? Aren't you sure you love me?" **

"_**Something like that…but at the same time it's not like that. You know? I'm kind of a mess right now. I don't know what to think. I love you, yes. But I'm not sure if we're doing the right thing. I mean…you…it didn't work the last time. And you were confused because you still love Mia and suddenly you texted me all those things. And yes, I can't stop thinking about you and what's going happen next between us and that's hurting me. So I decided to…I decided to start living my life and not to think about you this much, but then you sent me those texts and I don't know what to think. Yes, maybe I was trying to forget you, but I can't because I love you. And I cannot love you because it's getting me nowhere, because you…you're not ready. Then you tell me you love me. Why? Why do you tell me that? You shouldn't do that because…you know? It hurts. It hurts to hear you saying you love me and I'm here loving you, but at the same time you love Mia, and it makes me so frustrated because I don't want to love someone who loves two people at the same time. Why do you this, Darren? And I'm sorry if I'm saying all this, but you really need to know how I feel too, because…you're not the only one who's feeling bad. I feel bad too and it seems it doesn't matter at all."**_ As soon as you finished saying all that, you regretted. You were sad and upset at the same time and you really didn't think of your words before saying them. There was an awkward silence that lasted several seconds.

"**That was really honest." **Darren said softly and his voice sounded a little choked.** "I really care about you, so don't say it seems it doesn't matter because it's not like that. Honestly if you thought it didn't matter to me you were really stupid because it's the opposite. I sent you all those texts because I really wanted to know about you, I really wanted to know if you were feeling the same than me. Guess what? I don't regret those texts. I said I love you because I truly meant that. Yes, I love you and you're the only one I love. I don't love Mia. Yes, I loved her; yes, I was confused. No, I don't love her any longer; no, I'm not confused any longer. Yes, I was a fool because I cannot believe I was confused because you're the only one who was and is worth it. You tried to forget me; I tried to get you back. What are we gonna do with this?" **Darren's voice sounded a little pushy, jaundiced and dreary but he was gently at the same time.

_**"I don't know."**_ You answered, guiltily and a little sad. You really wanted to cry because you knew you just screwed it, and you didn't mean it.

"**Right."** Darren answered shortly and both of you stayed in silence for a while. **"I just want to warn you something. I'm this kind of man who is really pigheaded. So I just wanted to let you know that if you think I'm giving up on you, you're crazy, and if you think that I don't love you, well then you're just plain wrong. I don't know what is gonna happen between us, but I'm sure of one thing. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work. If I have to bang against a wall to realize that this is not gonna work, I'll do it, it's gonna be worthwhile. But I'm not gonna be here, idly, if I know I have a minimal chance to get you back. I'm not gonna push you onto something you don't want, I'm not that asshole. I'm gonna give you time, all the time you need. But don't forget me because I'm not gonna forget you and I'm not gonna let you to forget me. Then, if I realize I tried everything to work and it didn't work, I'm gonna let you go. But not now. It's not time to let you go."** Darren said with conviction and determined. You stayed silent; you didn't know what to answer. **"I'm gonna give you space and I'm gonna let you sleep now. Don't forget all I said to you."**

"_**Okay." **_

"**Good. I hope you can sleep well. I know you don't want to hear this, but I really mean it so…I love you."**

"_**Yes. Sleep well you too."**_

"**I will now I said it all. Bye boo."**

"_**Bye, Darren."**_

You hung up and hugged your pillow, staring at the ceiling. You really were more confused than ever. On the one hand, you were really happy to have heard Darren saying all those things because he really cared about you and he wasn't giving up on you. What he told you was wonderful. But on the other hand, you weren't sure about all this. You weren't sure if Darren really got over Mia or if he was just saying that because he was feeling alone and he just felt safe with you, knowing that you loved him. Maybe he only wanted to feel loved by someone because it wasn't so long since the time he told you he was confused. How could he be sure he was completely over Mia in such a short time? And you honestly didn't know how you both were going to make this work since you were very far from each other. Maybe you had to figure out all of this with time. You had no other option than wait until see what was going to happen next.

* * *

_FOUR MONTHS LATER…_

* * *

Since Darren called you that night, you barely have received news from him. He didn't call you again and he only sent you a few texts, but it was simple texts like **"How are you?"** **"I hope you're doing cool." "Have a totally awesome day."** Or just random ones like **"I'm jealous of my parents. I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs. Talkin' about Chuck, he rocked last night!"**, **"Today I threw a cupcake at some random wall. Don't call me crazy… I much prefer the term mentally hilarious"**; **"I have a doubt. If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?"**; **"You know, lately some people asked me if the glass is half empty or is half full, man the only thing I can answer is are you gonna fuckin' drink that?"**; **"Fact of life, After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF"**; **"A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T V W X Y Z...Oops! I miss U"**; **"What's the difference between snowmen and snow women? SNOWBALLS! HA!"**; **"If you notice this notice you'll notice that this notice is not worth noticing!" **And he even texted something that was cute but really funny at the same time **"I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited, I love other alphabet letters too…v, w, x, y, z." **But that was all he texted in four months. You knew that he didn't text you so much because he wanted to give you space, and even though maybe you needed that space; you really missed him, his texts, his calls but above all that you missed being with him. You knew that you said to Darren that you were confused, that you tried to forget him; you knew you shouldn't have said that. You tried to apologize him, but whenever you tried so, Darren interrupted you to talk about something else. You really couldn't see the way your relationship or whatever you had was going to work if you both kept being like this. Meanwhile, you decided to follow the advice that April gave you. You spent more days with Matt, hanging out together and just having fun. You both became really close friends, now you both could talk about everything and it was nice to be with him. Neither of you had intentions to start a love affair and anything like that even though Matt was a flirty guy. You both joked about it, but you knew you were only good friends and nothing more than that would happen. Matt was a getaway from your thoughts of Darren, and he was the best getaway in the good sense of the word.

You already arrived to your theatre classes and you sat next to Matt. You both started to talk and laugh. Now going to those classes were even funnier than before. Mr Thompson never gave you both to perform together so now you were going to ask him if you could. But after 20 minutes, Mr Thompson didn't arrive. That was weird because Mr Thompson was used to be punctual so you all started to worry about him a little. Two people left the class because they thought he wasn't coming. But the rest decided to wait for him. A few minutes later, Mr Thompson finally arrived with a huge smile on his face, and he almost never smiled.

"_**Hello guys, today we're gonna have a great day!"**_ Mr Thompson said excited.

"_**Mr. Thompson, we were worried about you. We thought something bad has happened to you."**_ A girl behind you said.

"_**Yes, sorry for my tardiness. I was talking to someone special. Yes guys, today we're gonna have a special guest who offered to teach the class today. You're gonna learn so much from this person and it's gonna be a very good class."**_ Mr Thompson said even more excited.

"_**A special guest? What's all of this about?"**_ Matt asked intrigued next to you.

"_**Yes, a special guest. Please guys, today is joining us Darren Criss. Please come in Mr. Criss."**_ Mr Thompson said excited.

You gasped as soon as you saw Darren walking into the room. What the hell was Darren doing it? You were freaking out, you wanted to leave and run away but you couldn't move from your sit. You were too astonished to do something. Everybody in the class was really excited and happy to have Darren there, even Matt was happy. Yes, they knew Darren mostly from his last performance on Broadway. But you weren't happy at all; you really needed to run away. Your heart was beating in a senseless speed. Did Darren know that you were there? Why was Darren there? And he offered to teach the class, no one asked him to do this. Your mind didn't stop a second thinking a lot of possibilities which could explain why Darren was there. Matt, next to you, realized your sudden change of mood and he frowned. Obviously, he wasn't getting why you were feeling that why. But he didn't ask you anything and you didn't tell him anything. Darren was there, standing in front all the class and smiling widely. Then his eyes caught yours and he smiled even wider.

_**"Hey guys! Today you're gonna have a very different class and I hope you don't go nuts about this!"**_ Darren said laughing still looking at you. The whole class was speechless but excited. _**"So yeah, we're gonna do some kind of random performances and let's see what you have and what you can learn from this random guy. So...I was thinking that maybe we could start introducing like in a funny way, like a game. Who is the brave one who wants to start?"**_ Darren looked expectantly at the class.

No one answered and no one made some kind of movement, they all were still stunned by his presence. You couldn't be there; you couldn't share a class with Darren. You couldn't be in a class where Darren was your teacher. It was weird, embarrassing and you really weren't ready to be with him again and less in a class. So you decided to run away from there and come back to your apartment. You slowly stood to sneak out and Matt looked at you confused, but you tried to avoid his gaze and walked straight to the door to leave.

"_**Oh well! Finally we have a brave person who's gonna start!"**_ Darren said excited and quickly walked towards you and grabbed your arm to take you in front of the class.

What the fuck? This wasn't what you planned. While Darren was smiling you were looking at him in horror. Why was he doing this? Why the fuck has he noticed you were trying to sneak out? You were officially freaking out. You tried to go away again, but Darren was still grabbing your arm. Everybody was looking at you amused because they knew you were trying to sneak out and you weren't expecting this, everybody except Matt who was looking at you confused and frowning. You hated Darren in that moment. How could he be that relaxed while you were feeling the opposite? Wasn't this weird for him? Anyway…Has he planned all of this? Darren just looked at you with a smile. Yes, you missed him.

"_**So, this is the game. I have this…"**_ Darren looked for something in his bag. It was a small red ball. You looked at him frowning. _**"And I have this too…"**_ He looked for something else in his pocket. It was an eye bandage. Okay that was weird. _**"So, turn around. I promise I'm not gonna kill you."**_ Darren laughed and you turned around suspiciously as he bandaged your eyes with the eye bandage. _**"Can you see? Be truly honest otherwise this is not gonna work."**_

"_**I cannot see anything at all. What's all this about?"**_ You asked confused.

"_**A game...Okay everybody! Come here and stand around this girl, like in a round."**_ Darren said and you heard how everybody stood and rounded you. _**"So this is how this is gonna work. You..."**_ Darren said, grabbing your hand and putting on your hand the ball._** "Have to throw this ball in any direction. One of your fellows is gonna catch it. The person who catches the ball is gonna say something about this girl"**_ Darren said raising your arm. _**"And this girl has to guess who the person who's talking is and she has to say something about this person as well. I think it could work for me to get to know more about you all. So, let the game begin!"**_

You stayed quiet with the ball in your hands for few minutes. You really couldn't see anything and you didn't know where to throw it. You were a little dizzy and lost. Then you felt how someone stood behind you and grabbed your arms.

"_**It's not that hard. Let me help you."**_ Darren said, moving your arms. _**"There, you can throw the ball there."**_

You nodded and you threw the ball in the direction that Darren has pointed you.

"_**She's a very nice girl."**_ A woman's voice said.

"_**Hmmm..."**_ You thought for a while, you recognized the voice but you weren't sure if she was the person you were thinking. _**"Hmm...Melissa?"**_

"_**That's right!"**_Melissa said, apparently she was smiling.

"_**Yes, Melissa! Alright...Hmm, Melissa is the most beautiful of the class, future Broadway star!"**_ You laughed and Melissa laughed along with you.

"_**Correction. Both of us are gonna be the next Broadway stars, have you forgotten our plans?"**_ Melissa said giggling.

"_**That's right! We need each other!"**_ You laughed and you felt how Darren gave you the ball again. Now for some reason you were livelier. You threw the ball once again.

"_**She's the kindest and funniest girl ever."**_ A man's voice said.

"_**Hmmm...Greg?"**_

"_**Voilà!"**_ Greg said laughing.

"_**I'm rocking this game!"**_ You laughed as everybody laughed along with you. _**"Greg is that guy who's always trying to speak french!"**_

"_**Oui!"**_ Greg said proudly as Darren gave you the ball again. You threw it again.

"_**She's my Drama Queen and the most incredible and flawless person I know."**_Matt's voice said as you heard how Darren cleared his throat.

"_**Oh that's easy, so easy! Matt, duh. Matt is my Goofy King and the most hilarious person in the whole planet."**_You said smiling widely.

"_**Thanks for the compliment, my lady. You cannot see me now, but I guess you already know that I'm bowing."**_ Matt said flirty.

"_**Sure I know, you goober."**_ You laughed as the entire class did. Darren cleared his throat this time louder.

"_**Alright, alright. That's enough. Maybe now someone else could replace this girl! Who wants to give it a try?"**_ Darren said and stood behind you to put away the eye bandage.

Alice raised her hand and she replaced you. You walked away from you were to stand next to Matt. Darren was looking at you and he didn't seem as happy as he was before. Matt looked at you with a smile and he squeezed your hand, whispering something in your hear.

"_**I just want to prove something..."**_ Matt whispered in your ear, looking at Darren. Darren was staring at you both and he got serious.

"_**Guys, we're playing a game and if you don't wanna do it and you prefer to talk, you can leave the class. No one is pushing you." **_Darren said a little upset looking at you and Matt.

"_**Sorry. It's not gonna happen again."**_ Matt said shrugging with a cocky smile as you frowned.

"_**Right. Continue, Alice."**_ Darren said.

"_**What the hell is that you wanna prove? I'm not getting this." **_You whispered confused in Matt's ear.

"_**Alright, you two. Please go out until the game finishes."**_ Darren said upset, crossing his arms. You looked at Darren astonished and so did Matt. _**"Now."**_

"_**Okay…"**_ Matt said in disbelief and grabbed your hand to take you out the classroom because you really were shocked.

Darren closed the classroom door as soon as you got out and he came back to the class. He seemed really upset and even more when Matt grabbed your hand. Why was Darren acting like that? That wasn't the Darren you knew. And he was treating you both as if you were kids. Who does that? The very first time you were kicked out from a class and it was a theatre class. What the actual fuck? And only because you both were talking. It was so unfair, because a lot of people were talking while you were blindfolded but he did nothing about that. You were really annoyed and confused and you sat cross legged on the floor in frustration, crossing your arms and puffing. Matt sat next to you and he laughed slightly. You looked at him coldly.

"_**Why are you laughing? I don't find any of this funny."**_ You complained annoyed.

"_**It's just cute when you're annoyed."**_ Matt giggled and shrugged.

"_**Yeah right."**_ You answered still annoyed. _**"It was so fucking unfair! Kicked out from classes. Really? Who does that? Why us? We weren't doing anything bad. And oh please, as if we were kids!"**_

"_**Yeah I know. Who would think that Darren Criss could get upset for something like this?"**_ Matt laughed again and you just frowned. _**"May I ask you something?"**_

"_**What?"**_ You answered huffily.

"_**Is Darren the boy you talked about? You know, the mysterious guy?"**_ Matt asked intrigued and you just looked at him in horror. How the hell could he know that?

"_**Why do you think so?"**_ You asked frowning after few seconds, still astonished.

"_**That's what I wanted to prove. The whole situation was weird. And well, you described me how this guy was and when Darren popped in the class the situation was weird and then my mind made a click and everything started to make sense. But I wasn't completely sure, so I had to prove it. And when I said all those things about you in that game I saw his reaction. When I whispered in your ear I saw his face. And when I grabbed your hand I could notice his expression. It wasn't normal that a stranger reacts in that way, you know? He seemed jealous. It wasn't so hard to guess it actually."**_

"_**Oh my God."**_ You answered in shock. Wow, either or Matt was super smart or you were super obvious.

"_**So, is Darren that guy?" **_

"_**Dammit, Matt. I hate you. Well…hmmm…yeah." **_You almost whispered.

"_**Oh wow. Wow."**_ Matt almost squealed in amazement.

"_**Shh Matt! Please don't tell anyone. Oh damn, this…I don't know what's this. Embarrassing?" **_

"_**No it's not. It's just…wow. I mean, is Darren Criss. Holy crap, man…"**_ Matt said still flabbergasted.

"_**I can't tell if your wow is a good or a bad thing." **_

"_**It's…I don't know. On the one hand is a good thing, because c'mon is Darren Criss! But on the other hand it's a bad thing, because now I know that guy who made you feel that crappy. I don't know if I should be totally amazed by the new or if I should punch his face." **_

"_**Oh please, Matt. Darren didn't make me anything bad, he was only confused…why would you punch his face?"**_

"_**Whether or not he did nothing bad to you, he made you feel really shitty. And honestly I didn't like it at all. Because you're the way too awesome to feel that crappy."**_ Matt said frustrated and a little angry.

"_**Oh, Matt."**_ You laughed slightly. _**"You know? He was feeling like that too. So no, you shouldn't want to punch his face. He's a wonderful person. He really is."**_ You said sincerely grabbing Matt hands and he smiled at you.

In that moment Matt hugged you friendly and Darren opened the door. You both looked up at the door when it was opened. Darren was standing there looking at you both in an irksome and severe way.

_**"You both can get in again."**_ Darren said sharply.

You both stood to get into the classroom. Matt was ahead and as soon as he entered in the room, you tried to do the same but Darren stopped you. Matt glanced at you and Darren but he kept walking. Darren closed the door so now you both were alone in the hallway.

_**"First I have to talk to you."**_ Darren said blandly but still serious.

_**"I don't think that would be a good idea right now. We're in middle of a class."**_ You said bluffly.

You opened the door to get into the classroom and leaving Darren in the hallway. Before getting in, you glanced quickly Darren's face. It was a mix of confusion, dreariness and displeasure. You sat next to Matt still a bit huffy and Darren got into the classroom a few seconds later. He tried to smile again and continue with the class. The rest of the class was quiet and despite your crappy mood it was really outstanding. After all he was Darren Criss and he was very talented so you learned a lot about him. When the class finished, everybody applauded him including Matt and you. He really deserved all that. Darren seemed happy again and he said some words of gratitude and encouragement to do what we really liked. It was a very touching and lovely little speech. Once he finished his little speech everybody thanked him. When everybody approached Darren to thank him and ask some autographs, you stood up to leave the class quickly. Matt followed you and you saw how Darren looked at your direction but he couldn't do anything because all your fellows were around him.

"_**Hey, wait for me!"**_ Matt yelled behind you trying to approach you. You stopped until Matt approached you and then you kept walking. _**"Why the rush?"**_

"_**It's pretty obvious, isn't it?"**_ You said walking fast.

"_**Uhm, yeah. Can you stop for a minute? I really would like why Darren closed the door after I got into the classroom." **_

"_**Alright, but I'm gonna tell you while we're walking. I wanna leave this place."**_

Matt nodded and finally you left the building. You started to tell Matt while still walking but then Darren appeared behind you. He looked exhausted and he was panting. Obviously he'd run to approach you. You looked at him and you tried to keep walking but Darren grabbed your hand to stop you. Matt just was standing there looking at you both, speechless. He was a little uncomfortable.

"_**Why did you leave that way?"**_ Darren said still panting and trying to recover his breath. _**"Can we please talk now?"**_

"_**It's not a good moment."**_ You answered trying to go away again but Darren grabbed your hand more tightly.

"_**Please?"**_ Darren almost begged looking at your eyes with his puppy dog eyes. Damn those puppy dog eyes.

"_**I'm just…I was walking with Matt…"**_ You started to say but you were interrupted.

"_**It's ok. I think I'm just gonna leave you both alone, we can talk later."**_ Matt told you while Darren looked at him in a little rude way. Matt raised his eyebrows when he saw Darren's face and he kissed your cheek before leaving what made Darren get a little angry.

"_**What do you want Darren? Why do you look at Matt that way?"**_ You asked frowning and crossing your arms a little upset.

"_**I wanna talk to you about this and everything. But just not here. Can we go to your place?"**_ Darren asked gently looking into your eyes.

"_**Fine."**_ You answered more sharply than you'd have wanted.

* * *

"_**Who's that guy?"**_ Darren asked, broking the awkward silence.

You were already in your apartment and both of you were sitting on the couch, avoiding each other's gaze. You never felt more uncomfortable next to Darren and you surely didn't like this. You weren't expecting that your encounter with him would be like this. It went so bad and you didn't want it to be that way. Darren seemed sad and upset as opposed to when he first entered the classroom. You couldn't get why it couldn't be easy, why every time you were with Darren something bad had to happen. It seemed as if everything were against you both. You wanted things to work out for you both, but it seemed as it couldn't happen. Maybe all of this was trying to say you that no matter how hard you try; things weren't going to work out. But you didn't want to think that way. There was a tense atmosphere. You finally sighed before answering Darren.

"_**Matt is my friend. And you had no right to treat him that way."**_ You said annoyed.

"_**Yeah sure. I'm away from you for a few months. I have no news from you, I don't know what are you doing, how are you feeling. I'm thinking about you, I come here to talk to you and suddenly this guy appears, and he's fond of you. How would you react?"**_ Darren said, raising an eyebrow.

"_**I don't know. But first I'd try to know how the person is. I wouldn't judge the person and the situation for what it seems to be. Definitely I wouldn't draw quick conclusions."**_ You said, still a little annoyed but trying to calm down.

"_**Yeah, probably you're right. Sorry, I made a mistake. Sorry I'm a human."**_ Darren said a little sarcastically.

"_**What's you point about all of this, Darren? Why did you come here without warning?"**_ You asked him, trying to get some answers and understand the reasons why he was there.

_**"I came here to get some answers. To clear up everything that is happening between us and I couldn't do it while we were apart. I came here also because I realized that life doesn't hurt until you have time to yourself to think about how things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it is your fault. So yeah, I came here to apologize, to try to get back all I've lost. Because I needed to see you again."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes and he wasn't upset anymore. Instead, he was looking at you with a hint of hope and sorrow.

_**"Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me, when you come running back, when you need me again...I'll be here, right here waiting for you, I'll take you back, no questions asked. Sad isn't it?"**_ You smiled a little bitterly while Darren looked down with an expression that seemed letdown. You really didn't know why you were treating Darren this way.

_**"You know what?"**_ Darren said after a silence that lasted a few minutes and you looked up at him. _**"I'm frustrated because I can't tell if it's real. I'm mad because I don't know how you feel. I'm upset because we can't make it right. I'm sad because I need you day and night. I'm angry because you won't take my hand. I'm aggravated because you don't understand. I'm disappointed because we can't be together, but still I'll love you forever."**_ Darren said at once, like if he really wanted to say it all since a long time.

_**"I really don't know what you expect me to say, Darren. I really don't know."**_ You answered a little frustrated but with yourself. You didn't understand why you were feeling in this way. You were just confused and you didn't know what you really wanted, it just was feeling weird.

_**"I only want you to tell me what I have to do tonight because I'd do anything to make it right. Let's be us again, I'm sorry for the way I lost my head. Here I stand with everything to lose and all I know is I don't want to ever see the end. **__**I've been through this pain before, I've even cried these tears before but to get you back, I'd go through so much more. **__**Please, open up your heart and let me come back in because I'm in love, so damn in love with you."**_ Darren almost begged staring at you and getting closer to you to grab your hands as you looked down frowning.

_**"Darren..."**_ You started to say a little sad. You didn't know why you were feeling like this. Darren said to you everything you wanted to hear since a long ago but for some reason you weren't feeling in the way you expected to feel. You loved him, yes, but for some reason you were confused, you didn't know what to do. You didn't want to be hurt again. _**"There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime. But I'm not sure if I can do it right now. I don't know; I can't understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm just feeling weird and I'm not sure if this really could work. I'm sorry but it's like that. I really want to trust you, Darren because, I'm not gonna deny it, I still love you but for some reason I can't completely trust you like before. I've been hurt and I don't wanna be hurt again. I'm not sure of all of this."**_ You said trying to hold back your tears. You didn't want to hurt Darren's feelings but you needed to be honest with him. It broke your heart when you saw a heartbroken expression on Darren's face.

_**"Boo..."**_ Darren said, his voice choked. He got closer to you, still holding your hands and looking at you deeply into your eyes with a pleading look as he nuzzled his nose on your neck. _**"All I'm asking for is one night together. Just you and me. All alone. And if you can honestly say you don't feel anything for me after that night, I will finally let you go."**_

_**"Sorry, Darren. I can't."**_ You answered sadly and trying to get away from him because it was hard for you to resist him and you didn't want to take a wrong decision just because you were feeling good.

_**"I beg you."**_ Darren said pleadingly looking at you a little desperate with his sad puppy eyes as you shook your head starting to shed some tears.

_**"No Darren, I just can't right now. I need to clear up everything."**_ You said starting to shed more tears as Darren was looking at you mournfully. _**"Look at me, Darren. I always end up crying and I can't cry anymore. Don't take my hand this time. Just go please and don't look back, because I know if you did, I'd come running back to you and I can't do that. So if you love me as much as you say you do then you'll leave."**_

Darren let out your hand and looked away with his eyes closed, trying not to cry. He really looked devastated and heartbroken but you couldn't do anything if you really wanted things to work out. Because you knew if you tried to take a decision right now, it wouldn't be the right decision. Because you needed to be completely sure about what you wanted to make it right. You really loved Darren so much to risk your relationship with him. So first you needed to think clearly and right now you couldn't do it because you were feeling a lot of things and because all of this took you by surprise. You weren't giving up on Darren; you just needed some time alone to think about all that recently happened. Darren, in silence, stood up and walked towards the door. He slowly opened the door without looking at you and without saying a word. He was about to leave when suddenly he looked at you with a tearful look. He cleared his throat before telling you some words with his voice choked and hoarse.

"_**Just let me ask you something...if I happen to walk out of this room right now and never come back, and just forget everything and leave it all behind... Would you be okay with that? Because I have five steps till I close this door and you have five seconds to make up your mind...Starting now..."**_

* * *

A/N: Have you guys liked it? I wanted to tell you that yeah, obviously there's gonna be a 5th part but I honestly I don't know when I'm gonna be able to update it. I'm kinda busy lately and I honestly didn't start writing it. I hope you guys don't get upset by the waiting and I hope you are enjoying this story! Thanks a lot for your reviews, it means a lot because I'm really not a writer and I'm not sure if I'm doing this okay. But you guys make me feel good with your words! So really, thanks a lot!


	5. Chapter 5

_Your love was put to a test and you never know how those tests can be. Would you be able to leave behind all the bad moments to start over again? Would you be able to face all the situations that pop up in your life? Would you be able to make it right? You and Darren would have to prove each other if your relationship is gonna work or not. But sometimes more people get involved and you never know if those people would help or ruin your relationship, the truth is that you can't ignore it. But the question is...Would you let those people to have a lot of influence in your decisions or would you only focus in that person you truly love? Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

A/N: Okay guys, i know I said I wouldn't post next chapter son because I was really busy lately. But it seems that the inspiration monster took over my body! Seriously, I wrote this entire chapter in a day and a half. I don't know what happened with me, but here it is! Thank you very much for your reviews, as always! :) I hope now you can enjoy the following chapter!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 5.**

* * *

Darren slapped the door and left you alone in your apartment. You couldn't answer anything in that moment so, as Darren said, after he waited five seconds for your answer and you didn't answer, he left. Those were the longest five seconds in your life; you couldn't believe that millions of feelings and thoughts crossed your mind in so little. You really wanted to stop Darren and answer him, but you let the panic to win you and the lump in throat didn't let you answer. You saw Darren's face when the five seconds were over. He looked down and sighed frowning, he was disappointed, frustrated and wretched. You only stayed sitting on the couch thinking about all that happened, trying to figure out why you'd treated Darren in that way if you were sure you loved him and you wanted to be with him. Because you thought that the worst mistake you can make is to walk away from the person who actually stood there and waited for you, and that was exactly what you did with Darren. Why you didn't tell him that you wanted to be with me, to give it a try? Darren was for you everything good that happened in your life, he was the reason why you were still there. Not only that, but he was the one who made you feel things you never felt before. Maybe that was the reason why you were scared and you didn't know what to do. Because you're experiencing something completely new and you didn't know how this kind of things worked. But Darren walked away and after several minutes you tried to follow him and stop him. Yes, you left your apartment to go look for him but you couldn't find him, he walked away very fast from there. And now was too late, Darren made it clear. Darren finally gave up and you didn't blame him because you were the one who acted in a childish way. You were the one who couldn't stop dawdling and who kept going in circles without being able to decide what you really wanted. And it was understandable that Darren was tired of this all. You didn't even know where he was staying, you weren't sure if you should call him. You were scared what Darren could say if you called him, because he really looked disappointed of you. Why was it so hard to give you all to him? You really needed to stop being scared about what could happen. If you weren't able to give it a try, you'd never know if what could happen would be good or bad. Maybe you were losing something good because of fear. Sometimes you wished you could be more determined, you could be brave to risk. Why couldn't you be like that? Yes, maybe everything that happened in your past made you to be in this way. But it was in the past, and Darren proved you that no matter what happened in your past you always can move on and make it better, make it be worthwhile. You only wanted to be happy and that only happened when you were with Darren. Why did you then let him go? Maybe it was because you didn't want Darren to be with someone who was problematic, with someone who was screwed because of the past. But Darren knew all you've been through and yet he told you he loved you. You didn't want to be like this. You didn't want to hurt Darren, you wanted to make him happy as he deserved. But you acted in a different way you wanted and for some reason you couldn't control it. Maybe that was the reason, you let Darren go because you wanted him to be happy and he couldn't be happy with you because you had many problems in your life. You needed to talk with someone now; you needed someone to help you clear up all of this. And you knew that someone was Matt. Matt was the only who could give you an advice, because he was a man and he'd give you a man's point of view. You grabbed your phone to text him.

**To Matt: Matt, do you think you could come over to my place?**

**From Matt: Sure I can but...Is Darren there? Because really, I wouldn't want to disturb you and whatever you both have to talk.**

**To Matt: No, he isn't here.**

**From Matt: Alright, gonna be there in about 15 min.**

In fact, Matt arrived in 15 minutes. You both sat on the couch with a cup of coffee while Matt was looking at you intently and you were looking down. You were uncomfortable, but you needed to talk about all of this.

"_**So, have you talked to Darren?"**_ Matt asked after a few minutes and you only nodded._** "I'm guessing that things didn't go so well."**_

"_**I guess not."**_ You said still looking down and frowning. Matt gently rubbed your back and that made you feel a little better, he really cared about how you were feeling and whatever was the reason you were regretting to have asked Matt to come here, you changed your mind once he did it. _**"I'm so stupid, Matt. I'm such a little kid, I'm so damn childish."**_

"_**Hey, don't say that about yourself. Mind if you explain me what happened?"**_ Matt asked kindly and you rested your head on his shoulder.

"_**He told me he loved me, Matt. And all I could do it was him to leave. I don't even know why asked him to do so."**_ You said annoyed with yourself and sad because you were remembering the situation. _**"He said he loves me and I love him but I couldn't do it. I couldn't be with him because I'm scared and all of this took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting him today, I wasn't expecting he to come without warning and I wasn't expecting him to appear in this way. And I'm scared because I'm experiencing something I never did before. All of this is new for me. Is new for me to feel loved in this way and I'm scared because I don't know if it all is real, if it all is gonna last. I'm scared because if I let myself to feel and show all I'm feeling and it happens to end, I'm gonna be so down, I wouldn't know if I'd be able to stand again. And I've been down before and I don't wanna be down again once I got to stand and move on, because I don't know if I could do it again. But also I know Darren makes me happy, he's the one who always made me happy, the one who helped me to move on and realize that not everything is lost. And I want to be with him, I really do. But I don't want him to be with someone like me, who can't get over her past and who has a lot of troubles and insecurities. Because I don't know if this could work out, not because we don't love each other but because I don't know how to do it right. And Darren was there…he was being honest and he was trying hard to make me feel his love. And I told him if he loved me as much as he said, he had to leave me. And he stood; you should have seen his face Matt! He was disappointed and sad and so letdown. He looked at me once more time before go and he told me that he closed that door maybe he won't come back again and I had five seconds to make up my mind. And I did nothing and I said nothing! I just stayed there in silence and then he left. He left, Matt! And I don't know why I didn't tell him all I feel for him, I just I couldn't. I don't know why I acted like that. It seems that **__**what I want to do and what I do are two separate things. And now it's too late, because he made a decision. Because surely he's tired of trying and I don't blame him for that. Because he tried so much and I did nothing. And I'm acting like a child; I don't know why I'm acting like a child. And now I lost everything I wanted. And I can't stop wondering what it could have been if I had stopped him. Everything would be different now; I wouldn't be feeling this bad. And I'm so stupid because it all was my fault! Why did I do it, Matt? Why did I let him go if it was the last I wanted?"**_ You said sobbing on his shoulder, as Matt was caressing your hair and listening to you very intently.

_**"Shh, calm down."**_ Matt said caressing your hair. _**"First of all, don't stress over what could've been, chances are if it should've been, it would've been. Life is weird. You can go from being strangers to being friends. From being more than friends to being practically strangers again. Don't let this happen and if comes to happen, well you should think that maybe being strangers again is a good way to start everything over again, to get to know the person again and to fall in love with the person again. You see, nothing is so terrible if you stop to think about it. And don't think that this I'm telling you is not gonna happen because Darren made you make a decision and now it's too late because it's never too late to do the right thing. We can't retract the decisions we've made, we can only affect the decisions we're going to make from here. So think about it, think what's gonna be the next decision you'll make. If Darren really loves you as you said, he's gonna be there always waiting for you. Yes, probably he's not gonna show it, but he can't object to something he's feeling. And no matter what he did before, when I saw him today I really saw in his eyes that he truly loves you. So you shouldn't give up on someone you love and who loves you, no matter what he did in the past. And please, never forget what took me a lifetime to learn; you have only one heart, be true to it. Don't let your brain interfere with your heart because that way you'd never make the right decision and you'd feel like hell. I think you should move your nice ass to go talk to him and be honest with him. It's time to risk. And..."**_ Matt looked at you raising an eyebrow. _**"If you think he doesn't want to be with you because of all that happened to you in your past and because you're problematic then I'm gonna say you're completely idiot. Yeah, because it's the opposite. If he loves you, what he most want to do would be to stand by you to overcome your problems together, he's not gonna leave you alone and he's not gonna reject you for that. Because he'd want to make you happy again, to show you that next to him nothing that happened you before is gonna happen again. I believe he wants to do that. So don't think too much, just do what you really feel."**_ Matt said smiling sweetly.

"_**Oh geez, Matt. What the hell would I do without you? Thank you very much, really."**_ You said, hugging him and then you giggled a little. _**"And you know? Darren was jealous of you."**_

"_**He was what?"**_ Matt said laughing out loud. _**"Oh damn. Please tell me he knew I was gay."**_

"_**No, he didn't know that and I didn't bother to tell him so."**_ You laughed with him.

"_**Oh well, that explains why he treated me that way."**_ Matt said still laughing and raising an eyebrow.

"_**Oh yeah, sorry about that!"**_ You laughed even louder.

Definitely, Matt had helped you to clear up your mind and realize what you really wanted to do. You really loved this guy and you couldn't believe you had a friend like him, who will be next to you whenever you needed him. Your life really had changed and it was for good. Now you had truly friends and someone who loved you and you really had reasons to be happy. Now you were sure that what happened to you in the past won't happen again, because now you had people who would help you and who loved you no matter what. You were glad to be with Matt in this situation and he really cheered you up. You stayed with him till midnight and then he left, proud to see you smiling again. You went to bed smiling and decided that tomorrow you were going to talk to Darren.

* * *

Next day you woke up hopeful and lively. You knew you were going to make the right decision. You wanted to be with Darren and although it scared you as hell, you needed to risk, to find out all you were unaware and you knew that with the only person you could do this was with Darren. And Matt was right, if Darren really loved you, he'd forgive your idiocy and your childish behavior you had lately. You needed to stop thinking that probably you could end hurt and heartbroken, because for this reason you were losing a chance to be really happy with the man you loved. But there was a problem. You really didn't know where Darren was staying and you wanted to surprise him, because probably if you called him he wouldn't answer or he wouldn't want to talk to you in this moment. Instead, if you surprised him, he'd have no option but talk to you. Maybe he was in the same hotel than the last time he was in NYC, but probably he wasn't in the same room and if you asked the hotel clerk he wouldn't say anything because it was Darren Criss. Or maybe he was in other hotel, you really didn't know and you really didn't want to call him. You thought how you could find out where Darren was staying. Then Joey popped in your mind. Yes, Joey was Darren's friend and he surely knew where Darren was staying, and you had his number. Maybe you could text him, you had nothing to lose. Quickly, you grabbed your phone and started texting him.

**To Joey: Hey Joey! Guess who's this? Yeah, that drunk and hopeless girl. I wanted to ask you something.**

You didn't have to wait too much until your phone buzzed with a reply from Joey.

**From Joey: Oh well, well. I thought you went to Pigfarts or something! Where have you been all this time? And don't answer me in a cupboard under some stairs! It's good to know about you and yeah, spit it out!**

**To Joey: Oh damn. I don't know what to answer then! I'm sorry if I bug you and all but I was wondering if you know where Darren is staying in NYC?**

**From Joey: Hey, the only way you can bug me is if you take my RedVines away from me. Do you mean where is he staying or where is he right now, like now in this exactly moment?**

**To Joey: In this exactly moment. If you don't mind to tell me, of course.**

**From Joey: Oh c'mon that's pure shit. Hold on, I'm gonna ask him.**

**To Joey: Thank you very much, Joey! But please…can you please not mention that it was me who asked that?**

**From Joey: Hmmm, planning a surprise?**

**To Joey: Something like that!**

**From Joey: Promise. I hope the surprise doesn't involve killing Darren or I'm gonna feel so damn guilty.**

**To Joey: You wouldn't know. Maybe I'm gonna just stab him.**

You smiled widely and waited for some minutes Joey's reply. It was really nice to talk to him again, he was always funny and you found out another side of him the last time you saw him. He was a really amazing person.

**From Joey: Okay girl…if you stab him, do not mention me. Then we have a deal. Here I send you the address where he's right now. Good luck in whatever you're gonna do! Hope to get news from you more often, girl!**

**To Joey: Thank you Joey, I swear next time I see you I'm gonna bring a large tub of RedVines only for you! If you don't get new from me more often you're allowed to kick my ass. **

**From Joey: I'm gonna remember that. Both things. Keep in touch, girl!**

You smiled again and you noted the address. It was very far away from your apartment but you needed to go there. You showered quickly and got ready to leave your apartment and take the subway. You were nervous but happy at the same time. You had the feeling that everything would be fine.

* * *

As you though, you got lost. It took you an hour to find the right house. You've never been before in that neighborhood and you felt as if you were in other country. It was a very nice neighborhood; the houses were huge with amazing front gardens and porches. But anyway it was weird that Darren was staying there, because it seemed a place where only families lived. You thought that maybe Darren wanted to be quiet. So there you were, in front of an amazing and huge house with a Victorian exterior with sweeping wrap-around terrace and stone staircase. You were standing in front of the door for several minutes. Once you were there, you were really nervous so you couldn't just nock the door. You didn't know how Darren would react once he sees you there because he didn't even know that you knew where he was staying. Oh god, you thought you would like a stalker. You should have warned him you were coming. What if Darren didn't want to see you? What if he was with other person? Darren would think you were completely out of mind and harassing him. No, you didn't want him to think that. Maybe the best would be if you go away from there, you were feeling uncomfortable there and you felt as if you shouldn't be in that luxury neighborhood, you felt like a gatecrasher. Maybe you could come later but before you should tell him that you were going. You tuned around to leave that place but then you stopped abruptly. You were there to talk to Darren and if you didn't do it in that moment, you'd never do it again. It was now or never, you needed to stop being scared. It was going to happen whatever it was supposed to happen and you'd have to deal with it. You walked to the door again, this time with more courage and determination. You knocked the door but no one answered. You waited for ten minutes and no one came. Maybe Darren wasn't there, but you could hear some music from inside. You knocked the door again, this time louder. After a few minutes you heard how some steps walked to the door and you saw how the handle of the door was opening. You tried to control your nerves. The door finally was opened and you could see a shocked and curious Darren looking at you. His eyes were wide open and he was slightly frowning. Besides being shocked and curious, he was also a little nervous, confused, sad and huffy. Instead opening the door to let you come in, he closed the door to only pop his head hiding his body behind the door. You automatically felt bad and embarrassed to have gone there. He didn't look happy to see you again and you regretted to be there without warning. Oh god, you didn't know where to hide or where to run. Why were you there? That was a stupid decision.

_**"What are you doing here?"**_ Darren asked serious and frowning.

Oh damn. You were screwed. You didn't know what to answer anymore because Darren really looked displeased to see you. You surely weren't expecting this. You were expecting to see a hopeful and happy Darren. You gulped and cleared your throat to answer him.

_**"I...I wan-wanted to ta-talk to y-you."**_ You stuttered like an idiot.

Gosh, you were so idiot. You went there to talk to Darren about everything you were feeling, to tell him that you wanted to be with him, that you were ready. But Darren obviously didn't want it from you any longer. You were freaking out and all the hope and courage you had minutes before, vanished. Now you were feeling stupid, ashamed, edgy, and hopeless. Damn, you wanted to run away because Darren was still looking at you with the same expression and you couldn't even look at him into his eyes.

_**"This is not a good moment."**_ Darren answered shortly and a little sharp.

_**"Oh, okay. I'm sorry."**_ You said sadly and looking down.

Crap, you wanted to cry right now, you were feeling like shit and Darren were looking at you in the same way. He even answered you in that way and he didn't want to talk to you, he really didn't want it. You screwed everything last night and now you felt as if you lost Darren forever. You couldn't handle it, you needed to go but you couldn't move. You were feeling very sad, embarrassed, disappointed and rejected. And only for one bad decision you made last night. This didn't seem so hard after Matt talked to you, but now it was. You wanted to go, but you wanted to talk to Darren; and Darren didn't want to talk to you and he wanted you to go. Why did you think that you could make it right? You knew deep in your heart that this was a wrong decision but you had a little hope. Now you were sure it was a wrong thing that you just did.

_**"Yeah. See you."**_ Darren said a little cold and he tried to close the door but you stopped him.

_**"Can I ask you something first?"**_ You asked trying to hide your choked voice and looking at him a little hopeless.

_**"Yeah."**_ Darren answered shortly.

_**"Are you...are you with someone?"**_ You gulped again not sure if you wanted to know the answer.

_**"Yes."**_ Darren said, still serious and cold.

_**"Okay...I got it...Mmh..."**_ You answered disappointed and letdown trying to hold back your tears and stay strong at least until to be sure Darren wasn't seeing you. _**"Bye."**_

You answered with choked voice and turned away at the same moment that Darren started to close the door, but someone stopped him to close it completely.

_**"Who's she, Dare?"**_ A little girl's voice said intrigued.

You instinctively turned around to see who the girl who was talking was. You've never seen that girl before. It seemed as if she was six years old. She was really beautiful with dark hair and big blue eyes with some freckles on her rosy cheeks. She was smiling sweetly at you and she was clinging to Darren's leg. You smiled slightly at her while Darren was just caressing her hair and then he looked up at you a little uncomfortable. You had no idea who that girl was, Darren never mentioned you something about a little girl. There were a lot of things you didn't know about Darren that was absurd and ridiculous you were in love with him.

_**"Uhm...she is...Uhm..."**_ Darren started to say very awkward.

_**"Dare...Is she the girl you told me? That beautiful girl who looked like a princess? She looks like a princess. Is she joining us? She should, she seems very nice and sweet as you said, Dare!"**_ The little girl said excited and sweetly.

The little didn't stop looking at you and Darren was next to her very uncomfortable. You didn't know why that girl was looking at you in that sweet way, you didn't know why she said all that and you didn't even know if that girl she was talking about was you. You were abashed and didn't know what to say or do so you just looked down.

_**"No, Sami. She's not joining us."**_ Darren finally answered avoiding your glance.

_**"But Dare!" **_Sami grumbled like throwing a tantrum. _**"She's the girl, the girl in those pictures you showed me! And I wanted to know her and you told me someday and now she's here and... Why isn't she joining us? Do you want to join us; do you really have to go?"**_ Sami said pouting and looking at you.

You blushed hard and you widened your eyes. She took you by surprise and you didn't know what to answer. Actually you wanted to answer her that you wanted to stay, but Darren looked uncomfortable and he obviously didn't like the idea. You started to lisp because you were freaking jittery. Darren was still looking away and biting his lips. Suddenly Sami walked towards you and she grabbed your hand. You widened your eyes even more and opened your mouth a little, you were completely in shock. Darren also was a little surprised.

"_**Please stay with us!"**_ Sami told you looking at you as if she was pleading.

"_**I…I don't think it's a…good idea."**_ You said a little sad and guilty as soon as you saw Sami's sad face.

"_**That's right. Sami, let's go. She can't stay."**_ Darren said grabbing Sami's hand and pulling her softly into the house while she was complaining.

"_**But Dare, is unfair!"**_ Sami said frowning and grumbling. _**"At least for a few hours!"**_

"_**No, Sami."**_ Darren said shortly and appellant, looking at her frowning.

"_**Why not?"**_ Sami said pouting and annoyed.

"_**Because no. And that's it."**_ Darren said forthright.

You didn't know what to do. You were really uncomfortable and heartbroken. Darren really wanted you to go and even though Sami was trying to convince him you to stay, Darren didn't change his mind. He really didn't want to stay with you and didn't want to see you. And it hurt to see Darren acting that way with you, because it was totally different than before. And you knew this was your fault, you took your relationship to this way.

"_**But Dare…you told me you wanted to see her, and that she was really nice and wonderful and she was everything you…"**_ Sami started to say.

"_**Stop, Sami!"**_ Darren interrupted her and this time he was a little upset and he was…blushing?

"_**You said you lov…"**_

"_**Alright, little lady. Go inside right now. That was enough." **_Darren interrupted her once again, raising his voice.

"_**No."**_ Sami said crossing her arms, frowning and puffing.

"_**Oh God, Sami. Fine, she can stay. Do you wanna stay?"**_ Darren said offhandedly and vaguely looking at you.

"_**I…I don't…I'm not…don't know."**_ You said nervous and stammering.

You really didn't know what to answer because you knew Darren asked you that because Sami was insisting and he gave up. But that wasn't what Darren really wanted and you didn't want to stay with him if he was going to ignore you and treat you with apathy. And you really didn't know who Sami was and why she seemed to know you already. But Sami was already next to you smiling triumphantly and widely, grabbing your hand and pulling you inside. You were very astonished to do something and you couldn't stop her.

"_**You won't regret! Is gonna be a funny party now you're here. Darren told me you're so funny and zappy so we're gonna have fun! I'm so happy you're here. I didn't know you were coming and this is the best present ever because I wanted to know you, we can play later with my collection of princess dresses, I have one perfect dress for you. And Darren told me you liked Ariel! I love Ariel too and I have a beautiful drawing of Ariel and I'd like to give it to you. And then we can..."**_ Sami couldn't stop talking and you were too astonished that you got the half of things she was saying while she was leading you inside the house.

"_**Easy, Sami! You're going to tangle your tongue."**_ Darren said giggling behind as he closed the door.

"_**That's not true!" Sami said putting adorable. "She can understand me, right?"**_ Sami said looking at you with a sweet smile and you just raised your eyebrows and nodded in silence. You couldn't talk; all of this was really weird. _**"I need to get you a name; I can't call you boo as Darren does. Maybe…I don't know, can I call you Ari? Since you love Ariel as much as I do, and you really could be Ariel and Darren could be Prince Eric! Darren should be Prince Eric and not that boy in the picture where you appear. And then we can eat cake! Did I tell you today I'm turning six? I feel big! And there's a bouncy castle!" **_

Sami was chattering nonstop at full speed while leading you to another room and while Darren was following you. Darren approached you both and grabbed Sami by her shoulders, stopping her. Darren kneeled and smiled kindly to her while Sami was still grabbing your hand. You just looked at them both. They looked adorable together and you were still wondering who Sami was.

"_**Sami, sweetie. You should give her a breath. Is the first time she's here and she needs to internalize where she is. Why don't you go to the bouncy castle? We'll join you in a few minutes."**_ Darren said nicely.

"_**But Dare, I want…"**_ Sami started to say.

"_**I know you want to talk to her and to play with her. But you have time to do it. I promise we'll be there in a few minutes."**_ Darren said sweetly and kissed her cheek.

"_**Okay, pinky promise?"**_ Sami said showing her pinky finger.

"_**Pinky promise."**_ Darren said giggling and he intertwined his pinky finger with hers.

Oh that was super adorable. The way Darren was with that little and cute girl it was very lovely. You couldn't help it but smile sweetly at them both. Then Sami looked at you and she hugged you by your legs and the she stood on tiptoe and pulled you down to kiss your cheek softly. You got amazed by this action but you smiled slightly. She was probably the cutest girl you've ever seen. Then Sami left happy. You just stood there seeing how she was leaving. You were dazed about all that happened. Behind you, Darren talked and you startled.

"_**She's very sweet and cute but as you surely noticed, she cannot stop talking."**_ Darren said smiling as you turned around to see him.

"_**Yes, she's adorable. Darren, I can go if you don't want…"**_ You said looking down and embarrassed again.

"_**No, no. it's alright."**_ Darren said, waving his hand and frowning. _**"I'm sorry if I treated you bad, I wasn't expecting you…anyway, Sami is my niece. Actually she isn't my niece, she's my cousin's daughter, but she calls me uncle. And yes, today is her birthday so we're celebrating it. And this is my cousin's house. How did you find me?"**_ Darren asked confused.

"_**I just found you. I'm really sorry Darren I shouldn't be here and is her birthday and this isn't even your place and I didn't know it. I'm really embarrassed, maybe it'd be better if I go, I don't wanna interrupt you."**_ You said slurred and blushing.

"_**Hey, no. I told you it's alright."**_ Darren said placing a hand on your shoulder and you just tensed a little. _**"And Sami is happy to have you here, so you can stay."**_

"_**Yeah…"**_ You said looking down trying to hide the sadness you were feeling because you were there only because of Sami. Because Sami was the only one who was happy that you were there, not him.

"_**I'm happy too."**_ Darren said, squeezing your shoulder as if he had guessed how you were feeling.

"_**Darren you don't need to say that only because you…"**_

"_**Oh well, look who's here!"**_ Chuck popped in the room with a big smile on his face and he walked towards you to hug you. _**"It's very nice to see you again, mysterious girl!"**_

"_**It's nice to see you too, Chuck!"**_ You said giggling and hugging him back. _**"Maybe we can do the rematch to prove who the best cook is soon."**_ You winked and laughed.

"_**No, I gave up since someone…"**_ Chuck emphasized the last word looking at Darren who just looked down amused. _**"Is always going to pick your food. And I don't wanna lose again."**_

"_**Maybe Sami could pick this time."**_ You said amused.

"_**Sami…alright I have the feeling she's gonna pick the same food that Darren. She didn't stop talking about you since she returned a few seconds ago."**_ Chuck laughed slightly.

"_**Oh she was being like a chatty doll since she saw her."**_ Darren said shaking his head and laughing.

"_**Well, if I were you, I wouldn't let Sami around your girl all the time. I'm pretty sure that soon Sami is gonna ask your girl to live with her in her princess castle. Sami's like haunted with her."**_ Chuck said laughing out loud and you just smiled and blushed.

_**"Thanks for the advice, bro. I'm gonna keep it in mind."**_ Darren said smiling amused.

"_**Always helping my little bro."**_ Chuck said raising an eyebrow teasingly. _**"Darren, won't you offer her something to drink? Probably you'd like to introduce her although I know you must be scared that someone else gets haunted with her."**_ Chuck chuckled and Darren hit Chuck playfully on the arm.

"_**Yeah, uhm…"**_ Darren said a little nervous looking at you and Chuck just rolled his eyes laughing and left the room. _**"Just let's go. There are some people who would like to meet you and who must be wondering who that girl Sami was talking about is."**_ Darren said chuckling and he nervously grabbed your hand.

It felt good to feel Darren's hand again although he was nervous. It was as if he was really uncomfortable holding your hand; it was the opposite than before. But maybe it meant that maybe everything wasn't lost with Darren and maybe you could talk to him after and try to fix things between you both. Or maybe he was just doing it because people there didn't know you had some kind of argument last night and he was trying to pretend everything was alright to not screw Sami's birthday. Finally you went to the backyard where there were a lot of people. Suddenly everybody was looking in your direction, as if you were the focus of attention. You didn't know anyone there and you got very nervous and uncomfortable. Those people were looking at you as if they knew who you were, probably because Sami has been talking about you as Chuck said. Darren, next to you, was also nervous but he didn't let your hand and he led you because you couldn't move. Darren stopped in front of a beautiful woman who was about 32 years old, with dark hair and the same blue eyes than Sami. That woman smiled at you and waved.

"_**Hi, it's nice to meet you! I guess you're Ari, the girl Sami was talking about. Gee, you should have seen her, she was like crazy! And she doesn't like everyone so you should be really a special girl."**_ The woman said still smiling at you.

"_**She's Lyla, Sami's mother, my cousin."**_ Darren said to you.

"_**Oh yes! Such an idiot, I was talking about Sami and her craziness and I totally forgot to introduce myself." **_Lyla said shaking her head and frowning but still smiling.

"_**It's alright. It's nice to meet you too, Lyla."**_ You said smiling back to her.

"_**So, are you staying with us? You Darren will have to introduce her to everybody, she must be freaking out in a place full of strangers."**_ Lyla said giggling to Darren.

"_**I'll make it sure. And yeah, she's staying."**_ Darren said smiling amused.

"_**I'm really sorry I came here without warning. I didn't know…"**_ You started to say nervous and embarrassed when you remembered that this house was hers and you came here like an intruder.

"_**Oh no please, feel comfortable. We all are glad to have you here." **_Lyla said waving her hand and smiled at you cheerfully.

"_**Thank you, really. I promise it won't happen again."**_ You said smiling shyly.

"_**Please, we're the weirdest family ever. We like surprises and unexpected events. Right, Darren?"**_ Lyla said still smiling.

"_**That's right. Family thing."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow and smiling amused. _**"Okay Lyla, I'm gonna introduce her to…more people here, so she can feel comfortable."**_

"_**Yes, you should do that! Oh and don't forget our deal, Darren."**_ Lyla said looking at him intently as if she was reminding him something like a secret.

"_**I won't, I won't."**_ Darren said laughing and a little nervous. _**"Okay, see you soon Lyla."**_

"_**Have fun, guys!"**_ Lyla said joyfully.

Darren was still holding your hand and he started to walk again among a lot of people who were still staring at you. Your hand was sweating with nerves and you only hoped that Darren didn't notice it. What were you doing there? Why were all those people staring at you? You couldn't be more uncomfortable and you couldn't stop thinking that all of that was really embarrassing because you weren't invited and still you were there. What would those people think about you? You didn't want to seem a stalker or something like that and maybe that was what those people were thinking. You felt very shamefaced. This shouldn't be happening. This wasn't what you planned, what you thought and what you were expecting the time you decided to come to talk to Darren. But now you were there and you couldn't run away looking like a fool. You just needed to stay there for a few hours and then all of this will be finished. Only a few hours. Darren walked towards two people you recognized. You now really wanted to turn around and leave because you were freaking out. You stopped and you made a feint to go but Darren placed his hand on your waist to force you to go in the direction you were going. He knew you were nervous but he insisted to keep walking and he didn't let you go. Oh damn, you really didn't want to meet them in this situation that was one of the most embarrassing situations in your entire life. You didn't want them to meet you as the girl who snuck into the party. Of course you wanted to meet them someday but not in this moment. You really weren't ready for this and you were sure that you wouldn't be able to utter a word. But finally you approached them and you just looked down, extremely flushed.

_**"Mom, dad, she's...she is..."**_ Darren started to say next to you, apparently he got nervous too.

_**"Yes, we know who she is. The mysterious girl that you and Chuck talked about. It's a pleasure to meet you, sweetheart."**_ Cerine Criss said smiling widely and grabbing your hand, you just blushed even more and your heart started to beat faster.

"_**The…the pleasure is mine, Mrs. Criss."**_ You stuttered, still blushing.

"_**Oh please, call me Cerine! The way my sons talked about you, I feel as if you were part of our family already. I'd like if you could feel in the same way."**_ Cerine told you smiling kindly and gently caressing your cheek.

"_**Oh mom, please!"**_ Darren said, also blushing a little. _**"I'd appreciate if you don't embarrass me in front of her, like when you told all my friends all the awkward stories when I was a kid."**_

"_**Oh, I'm sure she's gonna enjoy those! You know?"**_ Bill Criss said smiling mischievously to you and placing a hand on your shoulder. _**"When Darren was about six…"**_

"_**Dad, c'mon. Not that one."**_ Darren looked at Bill with a warning look and a bit uncomfortable. You suddenly felt less uncomfortable and embarrassed and you looked at them all a little amused.

"_**Why not, son? It's a funny one!"**_ Bill said laughing. _**"As I was saying, when Darren was six…"**_ Darren bit his lips, raised his eyebrows and shook his head in disbelief. _**"He really liked animals and he was always trying to help every little animal he saw was hurt. Then once he arrived soon from school and Cerine hadn't had lunch ready so she started to cook and Darren decided to watch her while she was cooking. Then Cerine opened a tin of sardines. Darren looked at her in horror and the he started to cry desperate telling his mom that she killed those sardines because she let them drown in the oil. There was no way to calm him down! The boy was crazy! He didn't stop crying until we had to do a funeral for sardines. A freaking funeral and he brought flowers to them and he even made a little speech for them. I don't know how we didn't make it without laughing. But it was the only way he could be calmed. Unbelievable guy."**_ Bill said giggling and you giggled along with him while Darren shook his head again.

_**"I was six! C'mon!"**_ Darren said defensively raising up his arms. _**"I have the most incredible family ever, thanks dad."**_

"_**Oh please, son. Look at her! She's laughing now, you should thank me wholeheartedly."**_ Bill said teasing Darren.

"_**That's right, Darren. It's cute, poor sardines. Do you still visit their grave?"**_ You asked amused and smiling mischievously.

_**"Well, I wouldn't like to know they feel sad because of my absence."**_ Darren said shrugging, continuing the joke.

The four of you kept talking for a lot, making jokes and having fun. Darren's parents were really very kind and funny, they made you feel comfortable with them and now you weren't embarrassed any longer. Whatever your reasons were to feel ashamed before now were invalid. There were no reasons to feel ashamed with them because they treated you as if they knew you for a lifetime. Both Cerine and Bill forced you to call them by their first name and after a while they got it. You thought that was what it felt like to have a family. Yes, you once felt that with your own family but that was a long time ago, you didn't feel it since you were eight when your dad died. You couldn't explain your feelings in that moment, because you were feeling a mix of things. At first you remembered how happy you were like them when you were a little girl. Then you felt a little sad because throughout your adolescence this was what you wanted to feel and you never could. If you'd have had this everything would be different in your life. You always wanted to have a family like them, who could give you love and who could make you feel good whenever you felt bad. But then you felt happy because now you were feeling all you wanted to feel since a long time ago. Because Darren's parents were making you feel as if you were part of their family now. You were feeling as if you had finally a family and that meant a lot to you. No one could make you feel bad in that moment; no one could ruin the happiness you were feeling in that moment. Minutes ago you wanted to leave; now you wanted this moment to last forever. You felt safe with them; you felt all that family love that you always imagined to have someday. And it was a good feeling. Suddenly you started to feel much moved and you just wanted to shed those tears of joy and sadness you were feeling to have remembered all you once had and you missed. But you couldn't do it because it'd very weird and you'd look like a loony in front of them. It seemed as if Darren was reading your mind because he rubbed your back softly.

"_**Mom and dad, if you excuse us…I'm very thirsty and I'm sure so is she. We didn't drink anything at all since she arrived and that was about an hour ago."**_ Darren said gently and raising his eyebrows.

"_**Oh sure, Dare. Go drink something, we're gonna be here."**_ Cerine said smiling nicely.

Darren grabbed your hand and you both walked in silence until you reached a table with a lot of drinks. He filled a glass with coke and gave it to you smiling. You received it with a smile and then you both sat near there. You were in silence, drinking your coke and Darren was just looking at you with a slight smile. You didn't want to cry in front of him and less in this moment that you were at a party and you had still to talk about a lot of things. But in that moment you weren't thinking about all you wanted to say to Darren, the reason why you were there at first place. You only were thinking about his family and all you could have had if your dad were still alive. Darren opened his mouth to talk several times but it seemed he didn't know what to say. You didn't want Darren to feel in this way right now because of something you were feeling and it has nothing to do with him. But you couldn't do anything to avoid that because really you couldn't stop thinking in your family.

"_**They already love you. I don't know why I had the feeling this is exactly what it would happen the day they get to know you."**_ Darren said smiling slightly. _**"I'm starting to think that you have super powers or something."**_

"_**Maybe I do I have super powers." **_You said trying to smile. Darren came up closer to you and gently he hugged you. You couldn't hold back your tears any longer once you felt that embrace.

"_**Don't feel sad. You're already part of our family now. You'll have always a family with us, no matter what happened or what it comes to happen between you and me."**_ Darren said kindly, rubbing your back.

"_**I didn't feel this way since a long time, Darren."**_ You said sobbing on his shoulder. You shouldn't be sobbing, but you couldn't help it. Everything had been very emotional to you. _**"And I just feel so good, as if I were part of something special. Finally I remembered how it felt to have a family, and I wanted to feel that for so long!"**_

"_**I know. You should know that from now on you're gonna feel part of something special. I've never seen my parents so comfortable with someone in so little. It's unbelievable how they accepted you so quickly in our family. They really love you already. And believe it or not, they know so much about you already. So don't feel bad, I don't like when you cry; I like to see you smiling."**_ Darren kissed your forehead softly and then he smiled nicely to you, wiping away your tears.

"_**Thank you, Darren. We didn't even talk about what happened last night and I really wanted to…" **_You started to say a little sad but Darren shook his head.

"_**No, don't talk about that now. We're gonna have time to talk about it later. Now I only want you to enjoy this crazy party and see you smiling. Would you do that?" **_Darren said again smiling.

"_**Yes, I'll try." **_

"_**I like that. But I'd like to see you smiling now." **_Darren said, raising an eyebrow and smiling a little amused. You smiled exaggeratedly what made Darren laugh and then you truly smiled at his laugh. _**"With that smile you should sponsor an advertisement for toothpaste."**_

"_**I'll keep it in mind."**_ You said smiling amused. Darren checked his wristwatch and then he looked up to you.

"_**Sorry boo, but I have to go now. I'll be back soon."**_ Darren said and he kissed your cheek lightly before leaving you alone there.

You couldn't ask anything to Darren because he really left really quickly. Why would he leave you alone there? You didn't know what to do or who to talk to. You only stayed there drinking your coke to wait for Darren although you didn't know where he went or when he was going to come back. Suddenly a man sat next to you. You looked at that man and you widened your eyes and raised your eyebrows. Why was he there? Grant Gustin was looking at you with a smile on his face.

"_**You must be Ari."**_ Grant said with and amused smile as he stretched his hand to you. _**"Hi, I'm Grant."**_

"_**Yes, I guess I'm Ari, but that isn't actually my real name."**_ You said smiling back to him and stretching his hand.

"_**I thought so! I really was so confused when Sami was talking about Ariel coming at her party. I thought it was Lyla with a costume of the little mermaid. But she just pointed me who Ari actually was."**_ Grant laughed.

"_**Oh, sorry if I disappointed you because you wanted to meet the little mermaid."**_ You faked a pout and then you smiled amused.

"_**Yeah. I really wanted to meet the little mermaid and have a chance to swim under the sea with her."**_ Grant shook his head faking disappointment. _**"But well, maybe I got to meet someone better than the little mermaid. Who knows? I'd have to prove it."**_ Grant said raising an eyebrow, looking at you straight in the eye.

"_**Is this the time when I have to run away to save my life?"**_ You answered also raising an eyebrow and smiling playfully and amused.

"_**Maybe you're too late."**_ Grant said getting closer. _**"Now you're forced to be put on trial. Can I bring you something to drink? Your glass is empty."**_

"_**Uhm, yeah sure. I guess I'm thirsty."**_

"_**Yes, I'm thirsty too."**_ Grant said, winking at you with a mischievous smile.

Was Grant flirting with you? No, that was impossible. You were sure he saw you talking to Darren; he probably already knew who you were. Maybe he was just that way; maybe he liked to tease everyone. You actually didn't know him so you didn't know what to expect. Grant came back few minutes later with your glass filled with coke.

"_**Here you have, Ari."**_ He said giving you the glass and gently touching his hand for a few seconds with the same mischievous smile.

"_**Thank you, Grant."**_ You smiled a little nervous at him. You weren't used to such treatment.

"_**It's my pleasure to please a girl like you."**_ Grant said winking. Okay, you were starting to feel a little uncomfortable. And where the hell was Darren_**? "Sami was right when she said you looked like a princess and you were beautiful. Now I'd have to start believing all the things Sami says."**_

"_**Oh well…I don't know if I should say thanks or if I should say that kids almost all the time see the people older than them as princesses or princes."**_ You said trying to joke but obviously you were still uncomfortable.

"_**Well you see, there you're wrong. You forgot about the witches, vampires and werewolves. For example, I could consider myself as a vampire."**_ Grant said seductively staring at you very intently.

"_**Well, then I'd have to run away. I really don't wanna turn into a vampire."**_ You tried to laugh.

"_**It's not so bad to turn into a vampire, you know? Maybe you should give it a try. I could turn you into a vampire right now and then you could tell me if you like it or not, but if you never try you'd never know."**_ Grant said again seductively.

"_**That's not fair, you know? Because if I don't like it; then I can't turn back time. I think I prefer to be an attempt to princess."**_ You said smiling.

"_**That's right; you can't turn back time, but we can always find a wizard you can revert it if you don't like it. Although I think you're gonna love it."**_ Grant smiled naughtily and winked at you.

"_**What if we don't find that wizard?**_"

"_**I guess the wizard could be Darren. After all he's Harry freakin' Potter."**_ Grant answered shrugging. _**"But as I told you, I'm sure we won't need him because you're gonna love it."**_ Grant said again seductively.

Oh wow. You were really uncomfortable. You didn't know if he was like this all the time with everybody or if he just was being like this only with you, if he just wanted to joke or if he was serious. But you didn't like this too much. You really wanted Darren to come back, and then you won't be that uncomfortable with Grant. But Darren wasn't coming back and you didn't know where the hell he was. Suddenly Chuck appeared and you really thanked he came right in that moment.

"_**Hey guys, the show is starting if you want to see it."**_ Chuck said smiling.

"_**Oh man, I wouldn't miss it for nothing in world!"**_ Grant said really amused and excited.

"_**The show? What show?"**_ You asked really intrigued. This family really was full of surprises.

"_**Oh, you'll see. I'm sure you're gonna laugh."**_ Chuck said smiling mysteriously and he placed his hand on your shoulder to lead you where the show was going to start.

Everybody was sitting cross legged on the ground and you did the same, sitting next to Chuck and Grant sat next to you. Chuck and Grant were smiling as if they were already having so much fun and the show hasn't even started. Suddenly you saw something that made you laugh out loud and you couldn't help it, you couldn't stop laughing. Chuck turned his face to look at you and he started to laugh along with you and Grant grabbed his phone to start taking pictures, also laughing. Darren was there dressed up as a clown with a red nose and big shoes and a hat. He was wearing colorful clothes and suspenders. Oh god, it was really funny to see Darren like that, interacting with children and making some jokes. You didn't know if it was hilarious or if it was the cutest thing you've ever seen. But you were sure that you were enjoying it and laughing so hard along with Chuck and Grant. You thought that the most probably would be that children would get scared, because usually children don't like clowns. But Darren was a really funny and adorable clown and the kids couldn't stop laughing and playing with him. He made a lot of games for children and he really was making them to have a good time. Then you got distracted looking at one little boy who was trying to eat a chip through the nose. You didn't realize that clown Darren was standing in front of you with a mischievous smile on his face. He grabbed your hand and took you in middle of the stage. _-Oh my fucking god, holy crap Darren what the hell are you doing? -_ You were freaking out and you didn't know what to do and you just wanted to punch Darren on his face for doing this to you. But it was late because everybody was looking at you entertaining and you didn't even know why you were there because you weren't paying attention to Darren in the last minutes. Chuck laughed out loud in the time Darren took you to the stage and Grant started to take more pictures, also laughing loud. Apparently you were supposed to do something he explained before, because he was staring at you waiting for you to do so and all the audience was expecting. You shrugged and looked at Darren desperate and that made you laugh at everybody. That was actually very embarrassing for you, so you just blushed while Darren tried to keep his clown role and not to scream with laughter.

_**"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a moony girl! And I thought the clowns were the most distracted people." **_Darren said with his clown voice, biting his lips to try to hold back his laughter.

All the people laughed and you looked sly at him a bit annoyed. He really would have to apologize you for this. Darren shrugged and he snickered you while you rolled your eyes. Then Darren grabbed your shoulders, lead you to a chair and he sat you there. Then he grabbed some of the drawings he asked the kids to do some minutes ago and he started to tape them on your clothes. He grabbed also some colorful and fluffy scarfs and entangled them in your body. You were looking at him frowning because you didn't know what the hell he was doing. When he grabbed a spare red nose you realized what he was trying to do. _-Oh no, damn. Tell me this isn't happening. Oh shit. -_ Darren put the red nose on your nose and then he giggled and made you stand up.

_**"Please ladies and gentlemen, applause to Loopy the clown. Loopy is gonna join me until the end of the show!"**_ Darren said amused and you just stared at him.

You really didn't know what to feel in that moment. You didn't know if you wanted to punch Darren, if you wanted to laugh, if you were really upset, embarrassed or terrified or if you just wanted to roll your eyes for the name Darren gave you. But everybody was applauding and you didn't have better idea than to do a bow of thanks like a real fool. Why were you so stupid? Oh wow, why did you do that? Darren couldn't help his laugh this time and you just wanted to disappear. But instead of doing all that, you just joined Darren until the end of the show. Actually you had fun doing that; it was like being a child again. You didn't know who were having more fun, if the people who were watching you both or you. But obviously you didn't have to admit this to Darren, because he really made you feel a bad moment minutes before when you had no idea what he was doing. At the end of the show, the whole audience cheered happily and you both bowed in gratitude, holding hands and smiling. Then Darren took you into the house as a signal that the show has finally ended. You went to some room that had tons of costumes, amazing costumes. You were impressed and you couldn't stop seeing all the costumes. It was like a dream for you to have all of those. Darren looked at you smiling widely and really amused.

_**"There you have."**_ Darren said mysteriously, raising an eyebrow and smiling playfully.

_**"What?"**_ You asked confused and stopped looking a pirate costume to look at him. Darren got closer to you, still smiling playfully.

_**"Do you remember our letters? Once, the two of us mentioned that maybe we would do a performance together. There you have, we did it as once we said." **_Darren said, this time smiling victoriously and looking into your eyes.

_**"Oh my god, Darren! How did you remember that?"**_ You asked amazed and happy.

_**"Oh, I remember everything we said to each other. You told me a lot of things you wanted to do. Well, we're just doing those things." **_Darren said still smiling.

_**"Oh, Darren!"**_ You said very impressed and really happy.

_**"Yeah, you can hug me now. We were amazing! We have to celebrate our victory!"**_ Darren said ecstatic and smiling widely. You ran to him and you hugged him tightly. _**"And by the way, you're an adorable and funny clown. We both would be really famous if we decide to do this for the rest of our lives."**_ Darren said while he was still hugging you.

_**"Oh shut up! And Loopy? Really?"**_ You said in disbelief.

_**"Oh yeah. Perfect name for you!"**_ Darren laughed and then he kissed your cheek slightly before breaking the hug.

You didn't want that hug to end. It was your first hug since a long time ago and you really missed those hugs, it felt good to be in Darren's arms. You looked at Darren into his eyes. He was really beautiful and adorable. You couldn't believe you weren't sure to start a relationship with him. Now that you were looking at him into his eyes you wanted to give him all about you no matter what would happen in the future. You never before realized that Darren was doing all you both said you wanted to do in your letters. But he was doing it. You remembered how you mentioned him that you always wanted to learn how to play the piano and then he gave you that little keyboard and he taught you so. Then you mentioned to Darren how you loved the beach and that going to the beach was one of things you would do if you had your days counted, then he took you to the beach. You told him that you wanted to go to NYC and he encouraged you to do so. You told him that you always wanted to go to Disneyland but you never had the chance, he gave you a ticket to go there. You told him you loved Nutella and he gave you a pot of it. Then you both mentioned that maybe someday you'd perform together, and you just did so. Wow. You never realized all that Darren was doing for you, he was fulfilling all you wanted, all you mentioned to him once and that you didn't even remember. But he did remember and he was doing all that to make you happy and all this time you were so blinded to see all that. You felt bad and guilty to not have realized this before. You really meant something to him if he was doing all of this for you. And he didn't even tell you that he was trying to do all you once told him you'd like to do. He didn't want you to know it; he just wanted you to feel it, to make you happy and he wasn't expecting anything in return. He didn't deserve all the shit you made him feel, he deserved to feel loved. He was the most outstanding and wonderful person you've ever met. You wanted to hug him again to show him all the love you felt for him, you wanted to kiss him to show him that you'll be with him forever, you wanted to give him your love to show him that he deserved it and that he deserved the best. But you couldn't do anything but keep staring at him deeply. He was also staring at you and he had a confusing look. It was a mix of love, sadness, happiness and hope. You just stayed like that, in silence and never breaking eye contact. Then suddenly, someone opened the door where you were and that made you both broke the eye contact. It was Chuck with a huge smile on his face.

"_**You rocked that! Holy crap you were amazing!"**_ Chuck said excited and then he looked the situation. Darren and you were very close. _**"Oh sorry guys, am I interrupting something?"**_

"_**Nothing at all."**_ Darren answered shortly, getting away from you and grabbing his clothes to go to the bathroom and change himself, leaving you and Chuck alone in the room.

You just looked down, frowning. Suddenly Darren turned as cold as he was when he saw when you arrived to this house. You really didn't understand Darren right now, he was cold and upset, then he turned sweet and happy and then he was cold again. Chuck looked at you and he walked towards you to place his right hand on your shoulder.

"_**Give him time. He loves you, but right now he's scared and hurt."**_ Chuck said gently.

"_**Do you know what happened…?"**_

"_**Yesterday? Yeah, I know."**_ Chuck answered honestly.

"_**I'm so sorry for that Chuck! I really don't know why I acted that way and I came here to apologize and all. But he's like that…and I don't like to know he's like that because of my fault, because really it wasn't my intention…I didn't know…"**_ You started to say desperate.

"_**Hey, chill out. I know it wasn't your intention and it's not your fault. This is a thing that involves both of you. I know you want to apologize, I knew it since the time I saw you here. He just needs time now but you can be sure he loves you."**_ Chuck said smiling slightly. _**"C'mon, let's go drink something. You must be exhausted."**_

You nodded and you followed Chuck to the kitchen. Almost all the guests were leaving the party now and you thought that maybe you should go too, because it was really late and you had to take the subway. But Chuck quickly gave you a glass with some drink. You talked a little bit and then Cerine and Bill Criss joined you both. They congratulated you for the performance and they said you were fantastic and that I should do it more often. It was really nice to talk to them, you felt good around them and you really felt included. Then Chuck, Cerine and Bill went away to greet some people who were leaving and you stayed alone in the kitchen until Grant walked towards you with a big smile.

_**"I must admit that I'm shocked by your performance. You do it well as a clown. Now I don't know if you're a princess or a clown. And a loopy one." **_Grant laughed, standing next to you.

_**"I'm part job a clown and part job a princess. Then it's legit."**_ You said laughing too.

_**"Well, I need to tell you that i took a lot of pictures and I'm planning to upload them, so the world can know you."**_ Grant said teasing you.

_**"Oh, you wouldn't dare..."**_ You said half joking and half scared. You really didn't know what to expect from him.

_**"Are you challenging me? You got this."**_ Grant said, raising an eyebrow amused and he grabbed his phone, typing something.

_**"Oh no, don't you dare!"**_ You almost screamed, freaking out.

Then it happened. You tried to take his phone away so he couldn't post those pictures of you as a clown and he took advantage to take you by your waist and pull you closer to him. Then, in that untimely moment, Darren came into the kitchen. Darren looked at you both frowning, suspiciously and serious. You quickly pulled Grant away and he looked at you half amused and half confused when he looked your horror expression on your face.

_**"Sorry...Did I miss something here?" **_Grant said frowning and smiling a little.

_**"Nothing at all. Only the fact that I gotcha you both trying to make out on my cousin's kitchen."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow and standing there really serious.

_**"We weren't doing that!"**_ You said defensively and frowning. _**"I was just trying to stop him to post the picture he took of me as clown."**_

_**"Yeah, sure! And you tried to do it in that way!"**_ Darren laughed bitterly and sarcastically. _**"Whatever, you can do the fuck you want but the only thing I'm asking is you to respect this family house."**_

_**"Whoa, dude! What's up with you?"**_ Grant said confused.

_**"A fucking shit, Grant. If you want to make out go get a hotel room. Don't do it here."**_ Darren said coldly as he grabbed a water bottle and he turned around.

_**"Hold on, dude!"**_ Grant said, stopping Darren.

_**"What the hell do you want? I'm not in mood right now, you know?"**_ Darren said angry and frowning.

_**"Oh dammit. I'm getting this..."**_ Grant said, widening his eyes. _**"Oh crap...you both...are you both in something or...?"**_

_**"We're nothing. So you can get her."**_ Darren said, sulky.

_**"No, dude. Really. What she said is all true. She was trying to take my phone away and...I was the one who pulled her and then in that moment you came in. But seriously man, I had no idea that you both..." **_Grant started to say a little concerned.

_**"There's no us between her and me."**_ Darren said coldly and offhandedly and you just looked down frowning and trying to hide your gloom.

"_**C'mon, Darren, don't be such an idiot…"**_ Grant started to say.

"_**Sorry, how the fuck did you call me Grant?"**_ Darren asked, looking at him very intently and frowning, getting closer to Grant.

"_**Oh man…really?"**_ Grant asked half in disbelief and half scared while Darren was getting even closer to Grant. Darren was really upset at that time.

"_**Oh fuck, Darren. Stop that shit right now. I'm fucking tired of you acting in that way for stupid and senseless things, things that you got wrong because you didn't see a damn shit, because you didn't see what really happened."**_ You burst of anger as soon as you realized that Darren wanted to hit Grant, maybe because of jealousy and you couldn't stand there idly.

As soon as you said those words, you regretted. Both, Darren and Grant, were looking at you shocked for your reaction. They obviously weren't expecting you to say something like that. There it was, any chance you had to get Darren back vanished in that moment. You threw all your chances to get him back for those stupid words. Now Darren was looking at you frowning and upset and you knew you totally messed up everything. Why couldn't you just stay quiet? Why did you have to talk? No, you wanted to take back your words. You wanted to show Darren that you loved only him and you always took the wrong words to say that. Oh god, there was a really awkward silence.

_**"Darren...I...I meant..."**_ You started to say nervous.

_**"Please, just shut up. You made it clear. If you're so fucking tired of me why do you keep popping in my life? God dammit."**_ Darren said upset and frustrated.

_**"No, it's not like that. Really, Darren. You know why i came here in first place...I just want to..."**_ You started to say this time desperate and a little sad.

_**"Shut up now, for god sake."**_ Darren said exasperated.

_**"Dude, you really need to chill out and try to get things right. You really need to do that."**_ Grant said a bit fearful.

_**"Whatever."**_ Darren said and he turned around to leave, but suddenly Sami popped in the room.

_**"Uncle Darren! Here you are!"**_ Sami said happily and she clung in his leg. _**"You were the best clown ever! And you were even better when Ari joined you! You both were amazing and this was my best birthday!"**_

_**"I'm happy you liked it, Sami."**_ Darren said trying to smile, caressing her hair.

_**"Uncle Darren?" **_Sami asked.

_**"What's that, Sami?"**_ Darren asked, trying to soften his voice.

_**"Can you sleep with me tonight and read me a book or tell me a story till we fall asleep as you always do?"**_ Sami almost begged him.

_**"Of course I'm gonna do it, Sami!"**_ Darren smiled sweetly to her.

_**"Can Ari sleep with us too? I'd really want it!"**_ Sami said, with hope and happy. Darren frowned and suddenly got serious as you started to feel uncomfortable.

_**"No, she can't. Sorry Sami."**_ Darren said determined.

_**"Please, just for this night, uncle! Pretty please?"**_ Sami looked at Darren with puppy dog eyes. Definitely that look was a family thing. Darren sighed.

_**"No...She has things to do. Right?"**_ Darren said looking at you coldly and you just babbled. That was really awkward.

_**"Hmm...ye-yes."**_ You stuttered and looked down.

_**"But, uncle Dare! Is already late and you told me it's dangerous to be alone at this time!"**_

_**"But she's not a little girl like you, Sami. She can take care of herself." **_Darren said again determined and a little coldly.

_**"Dude, Sami is right. Is really late and no one can accompany her to her house."**_ Grant said gingerly.

_**"She came here by herself, she can go by herself."**_ Darren answered sharply.

_**"That's right. Sorry Sami, but I should go. It was really nice to know you and please take care of your dresses!"**_ You smiled sweetly to her while Darren looked away very serious.

_**"Please, Ari! Stay with us!"**_ Sami protested and begged.

_**"I can't now. But maybe we'd see another day."**_ You smiled again and you waved. _**"Bye guys."**_ You said a little sad and you left the kitchen.

You left the house as fast as you could, you tried to remember the way to come back to your house, but you couldn't think about it. Your tears were falling down your face and you couldn't see almost anything. This always had to end up in a bad way. You never could have the chance to tell Darren all you felt for him, always something bad had to happen and you couldn't stand it anymore. You always had to screw everything and you hated yourself for that. You had hoped that this time everything could be different, that this time everything was going to be fine. You even got along well with his parents, brother, friends and Sami but for some reason you couldn't do it right with Darren. It was supposed that everything had to work out; it was supposed that you both should have that special relationship you used to have. This wasn't supposed to be this hard. But you didn't have to give up; you needed to tell Darren everything you felt regardless if your relationship would work out or not. He needed to know everything you felt for him. After an hour you arrived to your apartment and you went to bed, falling asleep in tears.

* * *

Next day, you woke up at 10am because someone was ringing the bell of your apartment. You got up lazily and opened the door looking as a complete mess and rubbing your eyes. You got surprised when you saw Darren standing behind the door with a bouquet of flowers with a note that spelled _–I'm sorry, I was an asshole. -_ looking at you with his puppy dog eyes. You looked at him deeply into his eyes but you didn't say anything. Finally you sighed and you tried to smile.

"_**Come in."**_ You said to Darren, opening the door wider to let him in.

"_**Sorry, I can't. Sami is waiting for me in the car, I promised to take her out as a birthday present."**_ Darren said, giving you the flowers.

"_**Oh, okay. Thank you for the flowers. I hope you both can have fun."**_ You tried to smile once again, starting to close the door but Darren stopped you.

"_**No, wait. I was wondering if you'd like to join us."**_

"_**Uhm…I'm not sure…I mean, it's her present, and…probably she wants to be only with you and…I don't know if it's a good idea." **_You said a little uncomfortable and doubtful.

"_**Please?"**_ Darren said looking at you again with his puppy dog eyes. _**"Sami would be really happy if you could join us. I wasn't lying when I said she is haunted with you. Please."**_

"_**Fine."**_ You agreed because damn, you couldn't say no every time he looked at you that way. _**"Just…I need to change. Hold on."**_

"_**Thank you."**_ Darren smiled and kissed your cheek quickly. _**"I'm gonna wait you in the car. I can't leave Sami alone for so long. She's kinda…hyperkinetic."**_ Darren giggled.

"_**Okay. I'm gonna be there in a few minutes."**_ You said, giggling a little.

You closed the door and smelled the flowers with a smile before leaving them on the table. You still weren't sure if you should join them because you really needed to talk to Darren about everything and for some reason it seemed that Darren didn't want it. You thought that maybe being with them all day before talking to Darren, would feel a little uncomfortable because you really didn't know how to act in front of Darren. Because you wanted to be with him, hug him and kiss him; but maybe what you had to do was just talk to him and don't show him all of this. Because you really didn't know what Darren was thinking about all of this, what he was feeling or what he wanted to do with you; you didn't know if Darren had forgiven you and he wanted to try this again with you, or if Darren only wanted to be nice with you but only as friends. And that was driving you crazy because you were constantly doubting about what to do or what to say, and you didn't know when you'd have the chance to talk to him. Sometimes Darren acted as if he didn't want to be with you, and all those things he said last night about there wasn't an "us"; but then Darren came with that bouquet of flowers telling you he was sorry and asking you if you wanted to go out with him. That was really confusing. Sometimes you felt Darren didn't want a relationship with you now, and sometimes you felt as if he wanted to try to make it right with you. But again, you didn't know and you couldn't talk to him. Even though it was really hard to spend time with him without first talking to him, you really wanted to spend time with him because it made you happy; if it was up to you, you'd spend all the time with him. So that was the reason you accepted Darren's invitation to spend time with them. And maybe at the end of the day, you'd be able to finally talk. So you changed your clothes quickly and you left your apartment to go to the car where Darren and Sami were waiting for you. Sami was sitting in the back seat and she was looking through the car window. As soon as she saw you, she started to yell your name happily with a smile on her face and waving. That caused Darren to turn his head to look at you smiling. You sat in the passenger seat and Sami, behind you, wrapped her arms around your neck and kissed your cheek and you just smiled widely. Darren, next to you, started the car and began driving, smiling joyfully.

"_**I'm so happy you came, Ari! Darren is taking me to the park and then to lunch and to the movies and then we're gonna get an ice cream! And we both decided that you should come with us! And Darren was scared because he didn't know if you..."**_Sami started to say, speaking at full speed like yesterday.

"_**Sami, Sami..."**_ Darren interrupted her, warning her and you just looked at Darren intrigued and amused.

"_**Oops, uncle Dar! I'm sorry. But it's true!"**_ Sami said smiling, still wrapping her arms around your neck.

"_**Well, just sit properly Sami, and buckle up."**_ Darren said looking at her through the inside mirror of the car.

"_**But why, uncle? Ari isn't wearing the seatbelt!"**_ Sami complained and you just got amazed, you weren't expecting her to say it.

_**"Oh no? That's so bad. Buckle up, boo! Is this your example to Sami as a responsible adult?"**_ Darren smiled mischievously, raising an eyebrow.

_**"Yes, sir!"**_ You answered as a soldier, buckling up while Darren laughed and shook his head. Then Sami did the same and stayed quiet on the back seat, smiling. _**"Who would say you could be so serious and responsible?" **_You said looking at Darren and smiling amused.

"_**Oh, sometimes I can be like a grumpy grandpa. Don't get surprised if later I ask you to find my dental adhesive because I forgot where I put it and then I ask you to work with me on a Jigsaw puzzle or if I ask you to do massage on my feet."**_ Darren said smiling amused. _**"Hey, thinking about it... I could use a foot massage."**_

"_**Go to a spa, then. It's not that hard, Darren. You can do it."**_ You said laughing.

After few minutes you arrived to the park and you played there for a few hours. It was really cute to see Darren playing with Sami as if he was a child too. Then you also joined them and you used the swings, the slide, and the climbing frame, you also used the seesaw and the carousel. You even went to the sandbox and the three of you played there for a while. You really felt as a child, you lived all that it was taken away from you in your childhood. You seemed as if you were six like Sami and you never had more fun before. You were really glad that you decided to join them because you weren't sure if you could experience this again. After that, you went to get some food and then you went to the movies as Sami told you'd do. You watched The Muppets and you weren't sure who enjoyed more the movie, if and Darren or Sami. When the movie ended, you went back to the car. Now you were supposed to get that ice cream. You were walking to the car and Sami stood between you and Darren and she grabbed you both by your hands. You slowly walked to the car in this way. It felt good, Sami really seemed to like you and you also liked her. She was a very nice and cheerful girl. Then you finally arrived to the car and Darren started to drive.

"_**Uncle Dare, can we skip the ice cream and go to Ari's apartment? I'd like to go there and see all the amazing things she has like you told me!"**_ Sami asked from the back seat and you turned your face to look at her amazed and then to Darren.

_**"No, Sami. I don't know if she would like..."**_ Darren said a little uncomfortable. Really, Sami knew how to bring out all that Darren said when you weren't with them.

_**"It's alright, you can come."**_ You said chuckling and amused because of Darren's reaction.

_**"Really?"**_ Sami said excited and smiling.

_**"Yes. As long as you don't mind to paint with me."**_ You said, looking at her with a playfully smile.

_**"Of course not! I want to paint with you!"**_ Sami said even more excited. _**"Can we go there now, uncle Dare? Please?"**_ Sami begged with her puppy dog eyes.

_**"Oh you two are impossible. Remind me why am I rounded by two girls?"**_ Darren said laughing and shaking his head. _**"Fine. We can go there. Just I'm gonna stop by in the way to buy ice cream, because I really want to eat ice cream."**_

_**"Yay! You're the best, uncle Dare!"**_ Sami said happily and kissed Darren's cheek as Darren smiled nicely.

Darren stopped in an ice cream store and then you went to you apartment. Sami was excited when you came out the car and walked to you apartment and you and Darren laughed at her excitement. Once you opened the door, Sami widened her eyes and squealed.

"_**This is the best apartment ever! When I grow up, I want to have an apartment like this!"**_

Sami was really amazed and she was looking around with a big smile. You grabbed her hand and you showed her your entire apartment. Darren just sat in the couch, looking at you both with a smile.

"_**And here..."**_ You said to Sami, showing you the table where you used to paint. _**"Is the place where you and I are gonna paint right now."**_ You said smiling at Sami and sitting on the chair next to her.

"_**Yes! I want to paint. I love to paint, but uncle Dare told me I need to practice more."**_ Sami said pouting and you looked at Darren raising an eyebrow. He was looking away because he knew what you were about to say.

"_**Don't listen to your uncle Dare. He once painted with me and he's a disaster. I'm sure you can do it better than him."**_ You winked at Sami and she smiled again. _**"Ready?"**_

"_**Yes, I'm ready!"**_ Sami said excited.

You both started to paint and you showed Sami how to do it. She wasn't bad as Darren said, considering the age she has. You played a game while painting and you were having so much fun. Sami was really funny and she always knew how to make you laugh. Then you finished to paint something that seemed a house and a dog and you both turned around to show Darren the painting. Darren was sweetly looking at you both and smiling.

_**"So, what do you think of our painting?" **_You asked to Darren, also smiling and raising an eyebrow.

_**"Fine. I admit it. You both are good."**_ Darren said laughing.

_**"I knew it!"**_ Sami said happily and ran to Darren to hug him and kiss his cheek.

_**"Okay, okay! But only this painting."**_ Darren said and Sami pouted. _**"Fine, all your paintings are amazing."**_ Darren said smiling amused and he kissed Sami's cheek as she was smiling. _**"Now who wants some ice cream?"**_

_**"Me, me, me!"**_ Sami bounced on the couch excited.

_**"I'd like an ice cream too."**_ You said, sitting next to Sami.

_**"Alright, that makes three of us."**_ Darren said smiling and stood up to go look for the ice cream.

Darren came back with the ice cream and you started to eat it, watching a movie you had. That was nice moment. The three of you were sitting on the couch smiling. Sami was between you and Darren and once she finished her ice cream, she grabbed your hand and Darren's hand. She already was a little sleepy but she refused to come back to her house. Darren rested his head on Sami's head, caressing her hair. It was really sweet to see the way Darren was with her. He was really affectionate with kids and you've never seen this side of him. Every time you were falling more in love with him. Then Sami looked up to Darren.

"_**Uncle Dare? Can move here with aunt Ari and live here forever?" **_Sami said softly and sleepy.

You widened your eyes when Sami said this and you got really surprised. Has Sami called you aunt? You really thought she did because Darren, next to Sami, shifted uncomfortably in the couch and blushed.

"_**Sami!"**_ Darren said in high voice, really embarrassed and uncomfortable. _**"We agreed that you weren't going to call her in that way because she may feel uncomfortable."**_ Darren muttered looking at her with a warning look.

_**"I know, but you call her like..."**_

_**"Sami, stop it."**_ Darren said firmly, looking into her eyes. _**"I'm sorry she called you like that." **_Darren said, this time looking at you really embarrassed.

_**"Oh no, it's alright. She can call me that way if she wants, I really don't mind."**_ You said smiling slightly but also a little uncomfortable.

You really didn't mind her calling you that way. Actually you really liked it. She was calling you aunt and...Was she trying to say that Darren called you aunt in front of her when you weren't with them? Probably not, but Darren really seemed embarrassed, as if Sami were saying al lot of things she shouldn't be saying in front of you. Like their secrets. You suddenly felt really good. If it was like that, Darren probably was still in love with you. You couldn't stop smiling goofily and you hoped Darren didn't notice it. But anyway, you still had to talk to Darren, this time you didn't want to make up things in your mind.

"_**See? She doesn't mind if I call her aunt as we do when we..."**_ Sami started to say, looking at Darren.

"_**Sami..."**_ Darren warned her, blushing harder. _**"I don't know if you should...Do you really don't mind her calling you...that way?" **_Darren said, looking at you, but not into your eyes.

"_**I really don't mind. Don't worry about it."**_ You said laughing slightly. It was cute to see Darren blushing like that. Then you looked at Sami, smiling sweetly. _**"You can call me aunt if you want."**_ Darren looked up to look into your eyes, surprised.

"_**Thank you, aunt Ari."**_ Sami said smiling and she hugged you. You looked Darren's face covertly. He was looking at you both with a cute smile and there was a twinkle in his eyes. Then Darren's phone started to buzz and he grabbed it to look who was calling.

_**"I'm sorry. I have to take this call. It's from work."**_ Darren said frowning and you nodded before Darren went to the kitchen and started to call about a show or something.

Sami, next to you, yawned and she snuggled up to you. She rested her head on your shoulder, wrapping her arms around your waist. You smiled at her sweetly and you held her in your arms. Later, you let her sit on your lap, as she wrapped her arms around your neck and rested her head in your shoulder before she fell asleep. You sweetly kissed her forehead and started to caress her hair softly. You didn't realize that Darren had finished talking and now he was standing in silence looking at you both. He had a expression of sweetness on his face, smiling tenderly and looking at you both fondly with the same twinkle in his eyes. His eyes were shining and he looked even more beautiful.

_**"I guess she fell asleep. I'm going to lay her in my bed. Wait here."**_ You said softly to not wake up Sami. Darren just nodded, apparently he was astonished and he couldn't utter a word.

You rested her on your bed carefully and sweetly you kissed her forehead. She looked really precious while she was sleeping. Trying to not make any noise, you turned around to let her sleep quietly. Darren was leaning against the door frame, looking at you fondly still with the twinkle in his eyes. You smiled at him and then you made a gesture to him to leave the bedroom in silence. Darren nodded and both of you went to the living room again and sat in the couch, still in silence. Then Darren looked up to you.

_**"It was a nice day."**_ Darren said gently.

_**"It really was."**_ You said looking at him and smiling. _**"Darren...we need to..."**_

_**"No, please. Not now."**_ Darren interrupted you. _**"All I want now...if you want too, of course...all I want now is to be like this. Just like this, and...I'd like to...can I...?"**_ Darren rambled, a little nervous and you gently grabbed his hand.

_**"You don't have to ask me anything, Darren. You can just do it, what you want to do."**_ You said, looking into his eyes.

Darren smiled at you before resting his head on your shoulder. He wrapped his arms around your waist and he nuzzled his nose on your neck, closing his eyes. At first you got surprised for this, because you thought that Darren wanted to say something, but instead he did this. Then, you also wrapped your arms around him and you rested your head in his, feeling his soft curly hair on your cheeks. Darren tangled his legs with yours and then he sighed on your neck, what made you shiver. You really missed being with Darren like this. You didn't even try to understand the situation, you didn't even try to ask him something, and you didn't even try to talk to him. All you did was to enjoy this time with Darren because you didn't know what this really meant. If Darren wanted to be like this with you from now on, or if Darren was doing this because maybe it'd be the last time you were going to do so. So you just held him in your arms, just letting yourself to feel and enjoy as much as you could the moment. Suddenly your phone started to buzz and Darren quickly got away from you, frowning slightly and looking away. You had no idea who was calling you this late, you weren't expecting a call. You looked your phone to see who the person who was calling was. Your relaxed face turned into a horror face. You suddenly got pale and started trembling, frowning and not knowing what to do. Darren looked at you confused and suspiciously. You took the call.

"_**Hello?"**_ You said, your voice trembling and choked. _**"What?...Yes... No... I don't know... Fine... Ok... Bye."**_

You hung up and put your phone away, your face still pale and in shock. Darren looked at you frowning and confused.

"_**Who was it? That Matt guy?"**_ Darren asked frowning and serious.

You shook your head and tears started to fall down your face, you couldn't help it. You were completely nervous and you couldn't stop trembling, you didn't know what to do. You were confused, sad, and nervous, in shock. Darren looked deeply into your eyes and got closer to you to grab your hands.

"_**Hey. Is everything alright? Who was it?"**_ Darren gently said, still grabbing your hands firmly.

"_**It was my mother, Darren. My mother."**_ You started to cry inconsolably and Darren looked at you surprised and concerned. He hugged you and started to rub your back to calm you down. _**"I don't talk to her...since...since I was 16, Darren! And she...she..."**_

"_**Shhh, calm down. I know. Just clam down."**_ Darren said, still rubbing your back gently. _**"What did she want?"**_

"_**She...she wanted...she wanted to see me. She is...she is in NYC and she...she wanted to see me...right now. She wants...she wants me to go right now to...to a restaurant. And...and I don't...I don't know...I don't know what to do!"**_ You sobbed on Darren's shoulder. _**"I can't do this. I can't see her again, I'm not ready, Darren. I can't do it."**_

"_**Hey, calm down. Everything is gonna be alright."**_ Darren caressed your cheek and wiped your tears away, looking into your eyes. _**"Maybe this is your chance to talk to her. To tell her how you feel, how she made you feel. And maybe she wants to apologize." **_Darren said reassuringly.

"_**I can't Darren. I can't do this. I'm still hurt and I can't see her. This is too much, I need time. This was... this all was...very hard for me. I was alone almost all my life...and why has she decided to see me right now? Why has she appeared all of a sudden, just when I was starting to get used to be by myself, when finally I learned how to move on without her? I don't know what she wants and I can't look at her. I fucking can't!"**_ You sobbed again, breathing fast and still trembling.

"_**I think you need to go meet her."**_ Darren said calmly and you looked down, still sobbing. Darren took your hands and lifted your chin so you could look at him into his eyes. _**"If you can't do it alone, then I'm going with you."**_

"_**No, Darren. No...you...you don't have to do this. You don't even have to deal with me and my problems; I don't want you to do this only because I'm like this..."**_

"_**I'm gonna do it because I know what all of this means to you. Because I know how hard all of this is for you. No matter what happened between us, no matter what is gonna happen with us next. I'm not gonna leave you alone on this, because regardless what happened with us, you're important for me and I know this isn't easy for you. And I know you need me now, and I'm not leaving you alone when you need me the most. I'm gonna stand by you and if everything with your mother goes well, I'm gonna be happy with you. And if everything with your mother goes like shit, I'm gonna be there to hold you. So yes, I'm going with you." **_Darren said looking deeply into your eyes and caressing your cheek. You hugged him tightly and he hugged you back, rubbing your back.

"_**Thank you, Darren. Honestly."**_ You said, still sobbing but this time it was because you were nervous and sad, but also touched because of Darren's words.

"_**There's nothing to be thankful. Just let me take Sami to her house and then both of us are going to meet your mother."**_ Darren said soothing and you nodded, wiping away your tears and trying to calm.

You were scared, but Darren was going to be with you so that made you feel a little better.

* * *

You both left Sami in her house and the Darren drove to the restaurant where you and your mother were supposed to meet. You stayed in silence all the way to the restaurant, shedding some tears and trying to calm down. Now you weren't as nervous as you were a half hour before, but still you were scared and confused for all that was happening. Finally you arrived to the restaurant but you didn't get out of the car. You kept staring through the windshield, but looking at nothing in particular, in shock. Darren looked at you and he placed his hand on your thigh.

"_**Are you ready?"**_ Darren asked gently and looking deeply into your eyes. You only nodded in silence.

Darren got out of the car and he opened your door. You got out and you both started to walk to the restaurant door. Once there, you stopped abruptly, in shock. You started to feel nervous again, you were panicking and you wanted to leave. You weren't ready, no matter that Darren was there, you couldn't do it. Darren turned around and looked at you. He grabbed your hand and, in silence, he led you inside the restaurant. There she was. Your eyes filled with tears as soon as you saw her. She was dressed up with expensive clothes that surely she bought with your dad's money. She looked better than the last time you saw her. She seemed neither drunk nor drugged. But she had that empty look in her eyes; she had that attitude of superiority and arrogance. You looked down and tried to hold back your tears. You didn't know if you were doing the right thing, but Darren squeezed your hand, letting you know that he was with you no matter what would happen.

_**"Where's she?"**_ Darren whispered in your ear.

You pointed her with your sight. Darren nodded and he started to walk toward her, still holding your hand. When you were near her, you stopped abruptly again and you tried to turn around to leave. But Darren stopped you, taking you by your waist and pulling you against his side, tightly. He softly kissed your cheek and smiled slightly and reassuringly.

_**"I'm right here with you, I got your back. Everything is gonna be alright."**_ Darren whispered to you. You nodded again.

Darren led you to the table where your mother was. She finally looked up and looked at you both from head to toe, raising an eyebrow.

"_**Hi daughter."**_ Your mother said formally and then she looked at Darren, raising her eyebrow. _**"And who are you?"**_

"_**Hi, I'm Darren."**_ Darren stretched his hand to her politely, but your mother just looked away and then she looked at you again.

"_**I told you I wanted to talk to you, not with anyone else."**_ She said coldly.

"_**I...I..."**_ You stuttered nervously and Darren put an arm around your back, looking at your mother intently.

"_**I'm her boyfriend. So I'm staying with her." **_Darren said firmly as you looked down and your mother looked at Darren displeased.

"_**What we have to talk it's something private. So I'd appreciate if you leave now. My daughter is big enough to stay here by herself. She doesn't need a pet to follow her everywhere she goes. So go find something entertaining to do while I talk with her. I'm sure you'll find something better than her. Trust me, kid, she's not so worthy as you may thinking."**_ Your mother said coldly and discourteously. Darren was turning red of anger by her offensive words to you.

_**"You definitely don't know a shit about your daughter, do you?"**_ Darren said, losing control and his polite behaviour.

_**"You have nothing to do here, kid. This is a family thing. So you should leave. And please, tell your mother to teach you how to behave."**_ Your mother answered arrogantly and Darren got more furious.

_**"If you want to talk to me, then he's gonna stay. Besides, he knows absolutely everything what happened."**_ You answered firmly and threateningly. Finally you weren't feeling nervous and you faced your mother for the first time in your whole life to defend Darren. Darren grabbed your hand again and squeezed it while your mother looked at you surprised and disgruntled.

"_**Fine, that boy can stay."**_ Your mother said presumptuously and then she whispered something to herself but that you and Darren could hear. _**"Thankfully I won't see him again."**_

You sat on the table in front of your mother and next to Darren. Darren placed his hand on your thigh and you placed your hand above his. You looked at your mother straight in her eyes. Now you weren't scared, you weren't nervous and you weren't sad. You were upset with her, you hated her because of the way she treated Darren. You didn't know why you were looking at your mother so threateningly, but you felt good with that. For the first time you were facing your mother, you weren't anymore that scared little girl that everything that wanted was to be fine with her mother again like before her dad died. You weren't going to let her to treat in a bad way all the people who truly cared about you, who truly loved you and who were with you whenever you needed. She meant nothing to you, she never was when you needed her, she never made you feel loved, and you never got a shit from her but her indifference. Yes, it was still hard to see her, but now you were aware of what you really wanted. And that was to listen to her but not letting her to hurt the people you loved.

"_**Let's go make this simple and easy and lets go straight to the point. What do you want to talk about?"**_ You said firmly, determined and coldly. Darren looked at you sideways and completely amazed by your determination as your mother looked at you with haughtiness.

_**"Fair enough. I don't wanna waste my magnificent time."**_ Your mother answered with arrogance and bitterly. She looked something in her purse and put it on the table. It was some legal papers. _**"Since your father died we had some troubles with inheritance."**_ You looked at those papers in disbelief, raising your eyebrows as Darren looked at your mother widening his eyes and frowning in anger. _**"I was supposed to get every possession, but for some reason your father has passed down to you half of his money. Of course you couldn't have it before and when you were legally able to get his inheritance, I didn't see you again and I couldn't contact to you..."**_

_**"You had my number phone. I never changed it."**_ You answered more coldly than ever.

_**"Whatever, I couldn't make the time to come to see you. The point is, this is a legal paper that says you agree that only a quarter of his money can be given to you or if you accept you can give me all his money. I came here to bring you these papers so you can sign it. And please, make it easy and just sign it. It's a madness that the half of his money has to be given to you. We must agree on that."**_ Your mother said laughing ironically, giving you a pen.

You looked down frowning and biting your lips, trying to control yourself. Darren was looking at you with sadness and then he looked at your mother with impeachment, shaking his head. Your mother only was expecting you to sign with her arrogant and superiority attitude. You finally looked up to her, still frowning.

"_**So... this was all about? To get money?"**_ You looked straight in her eyes, coldly and with a hint of sadness and disappointment. _**"You know what?"**_ You said this time furious after a few seconds of an awkward silence, grabbing the pen. _**"I'm gonna sign this shit. But you know what? I'm gonna give you all the money. I don't want a shit from you. I don't want a fucking shit. You can have it all, I don't want all this fucking money. I don't care. I hope you can shower yourself in shit and money now, that's all you care, isn't it?"**_ You said in a rage, signing the papers.

Darren looked down this time and he squeezed your thigh. He was surprised by the way you were talking to your mother because he didn't know this side of you. You didn't even know this side of you, it was the first time you were facing your mother and you were losing your mind. Your mother was just looking away, waiting for you to finish signing the papers. Finally you ended to sign the papers and you threw them to her face, still in a rage. The papers flew everywhere and your mother had to get up to collect them. You were trying to breathe at a normal speed, but you couldn't get it. You were feeling adrenaline throughout your body and your body started to tremble again but this time it wasn't for fear or because you were nervous. Darren placed a hand on your shoulder to try to calm you down. But then you saw your mother, once she collected all the papers, she tried to go away from there but you grabbed her by her wrist, looking at her threateningly.

_**"Where the hell do you think you're going?"**_ You said fiercely, looking at your mother. _**"I signed that shit for you, I wasted my time signing that shit; so now you're gonna waste your stupid time to listen to me."**_

_**"I'm in a rush. Sorry."**_ Your mother said indifferently trying to go away again. But you stopped her and you forced her to sit. You had no idea why you were doing all this, you were blinded of anger and you couldn't think but act.

_**"You're gonna fucking hear me. I waited for this for so long and now that finally I have the chance to see your disgusting plastic face, I'm not gonna stay here idly. I'm not that stupid and scared girl anymore. Yeah, thanks to your lack of concern and care I grown up on this person you're seeing right now. Yeah, it took me time. So many fucking years of loneliness and depression. But I got it."**_ You said madly, placing your hands on her shoulders to prevent her of any attempt of moving. Your mother was a little scared of you but she was looking away, pretending she didn't care all you were saying. Darren was looking at you in shock with widen eyes. _**"I was so fucking lost. I needed you. I needed a mother to stand by me in all those rough moments I had to live. I needed love, support, advices, I needed a hand to guide me, I needed a shoulder to lean on, I needed a lap to rest my head to cry. But I was completely alone. I had to find out the way to move on by myself, I need to experience new things by myself. I didn't have anyone to celebrate with all my victories; I didn't have anyone to cry with all my failures. The world seemed so damn unfair. Why everybody had someone to love and be loved and I had no one? Why did I have to be alone? Why no one seemed to notice me? Why no one could see that I needed a little love? No one seemed to care about me. Oh fuck how I needed someone in my life! I felt so frustrated, so unwanted, so excluded, so alone. I had nothing to live for; I had no purpose in my life. I started to think that everything was my fault; that I wasn't worth it, that I was nobody but a ghost walking around. I let myself sink by depression and I took very bad decisions. I wanted to kill myself because...let's face it, I had nothing."**_ Your voice choked and you shed some tears but quickly you wiped them away. Your mother was still looking away with indifference. Darren was looking at you sadly and heartbroken, he was shedding some tears. Darren knew some of all that by your letters, but you never told him all of this in person and it was completely different. _**"But you know what? Then I met awesome people who helped me to go through this, who helped me to move on. Yes, I was fucking scared because never before someone had helped me, I was experiencing new things. And I wasn't supposed to be experiencing all of this as new things. I wasn't supposed to know what love is just at this age. I was so little, mother! I was so little and helpless and it was supposed that you had to help me, to help your little daughter who were feeling lost! I waited for your love for years, for ten years! Ten fucking years and I never got not even a little love from you!**__**I had to live ten fucking years by myself!"**_ Your voice chocked again and Darren looked down still shedding some tears while your mother only sighed still with her arrogant attitude. _**"But I didn't give up. I keep moving on because now I had people to love and who gave me all the love you never gave me."**_ You looked at Darren into his eyes with your eyes filled with tears and Darren stared at you with a slight smile. Then you looked back at your mother, she was still indifferent. _**"I found my way to be happy. I was being so damn happy regardless some events I had to go through. But I realized all the troubles I had, all the fears I had, all the lack of courage I had, all of that it was because of your fault. You gave me the worst that someone can have. You were the only one who made me feel depressed all these years; you were the only one who made me feel insecure of myself; you were the only one who made me feel that I don't worth it, that I'm nobody, that my feelings don't matter. All the bad things that happened throughout my life weren't because of my fault; it all was your fault. And I just realized all that now. I wasted all my fucking life blaming myself for something I shouldn't. I wasted all my fucking life waiting for your forgiveness and your repentance. I wasted all my fucking life waiting for that day you could love me again to be a family again; to feel that I had a family; to know how to have a family was. I wasted my life, I did. And I regret all that with all my soul. If I'd realized all of this some years ago, my life wouldn't be so screwed. Right now I'd be able to fully love someone, I'd be able to show the people I love all I feel for them, I'd be happy enough to think that all in life is beautiful, I'd be able to love myself, I'd be able to know I'm worth it. But I can't do it and all thanks to you. Do you realize how shitty person you are? Do you realize all the evil you have done? It's unbelievable how only one person can destroy the life of another one. And today...today you called me to talk to me. I finally thought that you wanted to talk to me to forgive each other, to talk about all that happened in the past and start over again. But I was so fucking naive! And I realized that I can't learn my lesson. I let myself over and over again be blinded by my desire to recover our family. And I never got it, and I will never get it. All you wanted was damn money! You didn't bother to ask how I was all this time, you didn't bother to ask me if I needed some kind of help, you didn't bother to show your little daughter a little mom's love that I always needed. You didn't give a shit about my feelings. You only cared about yourself and you'll always do that. Because your life can be summed up in you; you and only you. I hope you can wallow in money. And I feel sorry for you because you'll never know what real love is. Because soon you won't have a damn place to live; because someday you're gonna get old and not even money will help you to get love. I feel sorry for you because before you die, you'll realize that you're completely alone because you've done much evil, because you've been very selfish, and because all you care is about money and money can't buy people and love. And someday you're gonna run out of money. And I feel sorry because no one is gonna help a person such a shit as you are. You'll realize that your entire life was a complete waste of time. So enjoy your money while you can and don't you ever dare to look for me again, because this time it's gonna be me the one who's not gonna be there when you need someone. Because I won't let myself to be down again because of you. I wanna enjoy all I achieved in my life by myself. So don't you dare to call me again, to look for me, to get me back. I'm done with my stupid fantasy to feel your love for once in my life. I hope life doesn't treat you as rude as you deserve. And for the record…I forgive you, only because I feel pity for you. Bye...I can't even call you mother because you never were a mother for me. Bye, stranger. Yeah, that's more accurate."**_ You looked at your mother once again coldly but you took a load off. Your mother was still looking away and you laughed bitterly.

You turned away and walked toward the restaurant door to leave. All your body was trembling but only because the adrenaline that was running in your body. Before leaving you heard how Darren said something to your mother.

"_**Look for the last time at your daughter and realize all you lost because of your selfishness. Look for the last time at the most awesome and brave person in this world, look how the most valuable thing you could have had is walking away from you to never come back. Since the very first time I heard you talking I realized that a person like you doesn't deserve the best, so you don't deserve her. and I feel sorry for you because you think that money is gonna give you all you need, and with time you're gonna realize that all you needed was your wonderful daughter and it's gonna be already too late. I'm the luckiest man to have found her. Now I can give you her all she deserves."**_

You finally left the restaurant and you walked with no direction, you just walked away from there. You wanted to be as far as possible from that person who was supposed to be your mother. Finally you told her all you wanted to tell her all your life. You didn't even know how you found all that courage to say it all. You even forgave her, as you said you wanted to do. You finally took a load off. You kept walking and you started to cry, you couldn't see where you were walking but you kept doing it. But you weren't crying because you were sad. You were crying because finally you could do that thing that was your biggest fear; what was the reason that made you feel so lost and miserable in your entire life. It was like ending a stage in your life, to start a new one. Finally you wouldn't be vulnerable to your mother any longer. You just lost your mother but you weren't feeling sad, you were feeling happy. Because you lost that thing that didn't allow you to be happy and enjoy all you had. You were feeling happy because you wouldn't have to worry about your mother and all she did to you any longer. You finally stopped to sit in a bench you found. Your heart was beating at high speed and you were breathing fast. This was a feeling you never felt before. Finally Darren approached you and first thing he did was to hug you with all his might. You cried on Darren's shoulder and you felt how he was crying with you. But your tears were sad neither for you nor Darren. Darren's tears were full of proud, joy and sympathy. He hugged you for a long time and then he kissed your forehead, wiping away your tears and smiling at you proudly while caressing your cheek.

"_**You did it, boo. And I'm so fucking proud of you, so fucking much."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes, his voice choked but still smiling proudly. _**"I've never heard you saying all those things in person and I can't believe how brave you were all this time, how you could move on and leave behind all the bad things that happened to you. You aren't only worth it, you're gold. And I've never seen you like this, pulling out all you felt within the bottom of your heart, being determined and firm. You were standing there and you just...you're an outstanding person. I'm so proud of all you've achieved. You moved me with each one of your words." **_Darren said, shedding some tears again but still smiling at you.

* * *

You returned to your apartment after a while. Your head was still spinning and you couldn't believe all you did. Darren made some coffee for you to try to calm you down. He was looking at you in a way he never looked at you before, but it was a good kind of look. You both stayed silent for a long time; you just staring at nowhere and realizing all you've done, and Darren just with his sight fixed on you. It was already very late, but you didn't want Darren to go, you wanted him next to you right now. You knew he was the real reason you helped you to be like this now, he was the reason that encouraged you to say all those things. If Darren had never appeared in your life, you probably would be the same scared little girl. You needed him by your side. Finally you looked up to him and your eyes met his.

"_**Could you stay with me this night?"**_ You asked him almost in a whisper.

"_**I wouldn't leave you alone in this moment. C'mere."**_ Darren said smiling fondly, coming closer to you and hugging you. You rested your head on his chest and he kissed it. _**"Let's go to sleep, it has been a long day full of emotions."**_

You nodded and both of you lay in bed. You snuggled up to him, resting your head in his chest and wrapping your arms around him. Darren crossed an arm under your body and with his free hand he started to caress your hair. You missed him like this and you really needed to tell him all you felt for him, you couldn't wait any longer. You were more than sure to be with Darren.

"_**Darren…what happened with us, I wanted to tell you…"**_ You started to say almost in a whisper.

"_**No…don't talk about it."**_ Darren interrupted you.

"_**But I really need to tell you…"**_

"_**Please, not now. You've been through a lot today."**_

"_**Why are you avoiding this conversation?"**_ You asked sadly.

"_**Because I want to be with you. Because I'm scared cause I don't know what you're gonna tell me. Because I want to enjoy this I'm living now. Because I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you. Because you're everything I never knew I always wanted."**_ Darren answered honestly with a hint of sadness and desperation.

"_**What do you think I'm gonna say?"**_

"_**That you want to leave me. And I don't want to hear those words. I'm not ready to hear those words."**_ Darren said worried and you rested your chin on his chest so you could look at him into his eyes.

"_**Look at me, Darren."**_ You said gently and Darren looked into your eyes and gulped. _**"When you appeared that day, I wasn't expecting you. And I'm gonna be honest, I was trying to keep you away from my mind and I was getting it. But then you appeared and everything got twisted. I wasn't ready to see you again, because I was trying to be happy because the last time we saw each other got me sad. And I was pretending to be happy but inside I was so lost and I really didn't know what to do." **_You stayed in silence for a while and Darren was biting his lips.

"_**Yeah. I thought about it. And **__**I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it'll just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it'll ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving her. And everyone wonders why if she has hurt you so much, then why do you still love her. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over her, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart; which are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter whom they are, because it hasn't happened to them. And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and every day now, so you learn that basically you're alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who sees. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that it's not helping any, and it's not going to bring her back, if you ever even had her in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you're trying to hold back. Everyone says, -It will be okay…- But you know it won't. And that's the truth, it won't. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love her, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for her to love you, screaming out, but for some reason she doesn't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this. I know all that, because I've been through that."**_ Darren said frowning with his voice choked and his eyes filled with tears, but not shedding them. You were looking at him deeply trying to hold back your tears. All he was saying was exactly how you were feeling days ago; but now you weren't feeling like that, you needed to tell that to Darren but just in the moment you were going to talk, Darren kept talking. _**"I can't stop thinking about you. That has to tell you something. I can't get you out of my head. And quite frankly, I don't even want to try. Because I want to be the only one for you. I want to be the person that touches your heart and makes it skip a beat, I want to be that person whose arms make you just melt, I want to be the person that your destined to be with."**_

"_**Darren…"**_ You started to say softly, but Darren interrupted you.

"_**No please boo, let me finish. If I don't say all of this now, I probably won't later and I really want to say you all of this."**_ Darren said gently but firmly. _**"I was so fucking scared of losing you. And I really didn't want to talk to you about all of this because we were living great moments since you appeared in my cousin's house. I was rude with you at first because actually I was scared and I'm really sorry for that and I'm sorry for the way I treated you when I saw you with Grant. After you left I felt like an asshole, because I couldn't believe I let you go at that time alone and all that. After you left, I talked to Grant and he made me see how things were. And I felt really bad, because the last I want is to make you sad, trust me. But when we were there, performing together, I totally wanted that to last forever, I wanted us to be as happy as we were being in that moment. Then today, when we were with Sami and when I looked the way you were with her. When you were with her laughing and playing together, when you were holding her in your arms while she was sleeping, when you took her to bed and kissed her forehead. And Sami, calling you aunt! That just made me melt, that made me feel something here."**_ Darren grabbed your hand and placed it in his heart. _**"Something here in my heart; something that I never felt before. You were all I always wanted, you were the perfect girl. I even pictured us like that…like in our future, you know, us as a family. Don't ask me why I pictured it, I just felt it and honestly I didn't feel that with anyone else, not even Mia. And today, when I saw you like that with your mother. I never saw that side of you, I never saw you that honestly, that firm, that brave. And I heard your entire story and it made me feel bad that you felt like that because someone like you should never have felt that way. I understood all the reasons why you were so scared, why you didn't want to make a decision the day I appeared here, why you weren't sure. And I felt bad because I was so blinded that I couldn't see those reasons before. Then you looked at me, while you were talking to your mother and I really wanted to hug and kiss you in that moment, I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and how much I'll love you, that with me you were going to be always safe because I wouldn't let you to be through all you lived again. Today I felt so proud of you, today I felt lucky to have someone like you. You're the most outstanding, wonderful and brave person I've ever met. It's like day by day I'm finding out more things about you that made me fall more and more in love with you. And I'm undoubtedly deep in love with you. And I want to make you happy, I want to give you all that love you always deserved but you never had. I want to help you to move on and not because of pity or compassion but because I love you. I want to be next to you to overcome all your problems together, I want to do it with you. I want to be with you either in good or bad moments. I want to make it work, I swear I'd do everything for you and I swear I'm not lying. You're what I've been looking for all my life and I want to experience and start my life again only with you. I can't do it without you. I never realized how important you're now for me, how I need you in my life. You're the only one who makes me feel like this and that's why I don't wanna lose you. Because I'm not gonna find someone like you again and because with you I feel complete. You're like that piece of the puzzle that was missing in my life. I love you and so fucking much, boo."**_ Darren said looking at you deeply, still grabbing your hand which was in his heart. His heart was beating fast and his body was trembling.

_**"Darren. I love you."**_ You said honestly, looking deeply into his eyes. Darren's heart started to beat even faster and his eyes lit up. _**"Yes, I love you. I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I love what you look like when you are asleep, I love the sound of your laugh, to hear your voice fills my entire heart with an indescribable feeling. I love the way I can be having the worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I love how when you touch me I get weak. I love you a whole lot more than just a little."**_

You couldn't say anything more. For some reason you couldn't explain him all the love you were feeling for him, because actually words couldn't explain it. What Darren said touched you deep in your heart and soul. He made you feel loved as anyone else has done. He wasn't lying; you saw in his eyes that he was pouring all he felt in his heart. You stared at his eyes. There was that twinkle and now all you could see in his eyes were love, happiness and hope. You slowly came near your face to his and kissed his lips very softly. Darren placed his hands on your cheeks and deepened the kiss. He was trying to make feel his love with that kiss. He was trying to say you that he was happy; that it was all he wanted, to be with you and only with you. You didn't know how you knew it all, you just felt it. And that was what made it the most perfect kiss.

"_**Boo? When we met your mother…and when I said I was your boyfriend…I really meant it."**_ Darren whispered in front your lips. _**"And I was thinking that we actually didn't have a very first date. I'd like to have a first date with you."**_

"_**What are you talking about? Don't you like this we have now?"**_ You whispered also in front of his lips, confused.

"_**I love this."**_ Darren smiled and pecked your lips. _**"But I want to have a first date too, a day that neither of us is gonna forget."**_

"_**Darren…"**_ You smiled amused in front of his lips.

"_**Tomorrow night. I'd have to leave your apartment to get some clothes and all. Then tomorrow night I'm gonna pick you up and we're gonna have our first date." **_Darren smiled fondly, caressing your cheek.

"_**This is what makes me love you more and more."**_ You giggled and kissed him again.

Nothing more happened that night. You both slept holding each other and loving each other. That was the best day in your whole life. Finally everything was going well.

* * *

It was the night and you were waiting for Darren to come to pick you up. You were going to have that first date he told you last night. He wasn't joking about it, because when you woke up at morning, he kept insisting to have that first date. He was very excited about it. He told you that first date would be a day we could tell everybody and things like that to convince you. After a couple of hours you finally accepted, so he came back to his cousin's house four hours ago to get ready for your first date. You spent all your day cuddling, kissing and enjoying your time together. This time was better than the last time you were with Darren, because now everything was different. Now you both were completely sure about this, because this time you proved that it doesn't matter what you've been through because you were going always to find the way to overcome it, to overcome all the bad moments and to enjoy all the good moments, always together.

It had been two hours from the time that you had agreed to meet and Darren hadn't arrived and he hadn't texted or called you. It was weird. He would've called you if he had to change the plans because of something unexpected happened to him. Maybe he regretted that first day, but he would've said it to you. Maybe he was just late and he forgot to warn you. You just waited for him, already ready to go. Now it had been four hours from the agreed time. Now you really started to worry. You checked your phone again. Nothing. Maybe he was stuck in traffic, but he really would've told you so. Maybe he really didn't want to make that with you. Maybe he changed his mind and he needed time to think. You honestly didn't know what to think. Suddenly, your phone started to buzz; you thought that it had to be Darren. But you looked at your phone and it wasn't Darren. Frowning and confused, you took the call.

_**"Mysterious girl?"**_ Chuck's voice sounded nervous and edgy. _**"Something really bad has happened."**_


	6. Chapter 6

_You received a phone call from Chuck that made you worry so much. Just when everything was working out with you and Darren, something unexpected came to happen; something that changed everything. Would that change be good or would it make everything worse? Throughout our lives new people come; and people that we already know, leave. Sometimes we cannot change those unfortunate events, but everything is up to us to find out the positive point of all those events. Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

A/N: Alright guys, here it is finally the next chapter! First of all I want to say that I'm so sorry it took me so long to update it! The fact is that I started university last week and practically I have classes since 8am until 10pm, so I don't have so much time to write. That's why I decided that it's time to finish the story "Chain Letters" even though I enjoyed writing it. That's right, next chapter is gonna be the last chapter of "Chain Letters" because I can't leave you all waiting so much time to read the next chapter. Maybe I'm gonna keep writing short stories without continuity. Thank you very much for your reviews that always light up me! Now I'm gonna shut up and I'm gonna let you all to read this chapter. Hope you can enjoy it!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 6.**

* * *

"_**What Chuck? What happened?"**_ You said nervous, starting to freak out.

"_**I can't tell you that over the phone. Are you still in your apartment?"**_ Chuck's voice said still edgy.

"_**Yes, I am. Chuck…"**_

"_**I'm gonna pick you up. I'm gonna be there in 10 minutes." **_Chuck said and hung up.

You started to walk all over the room. You were freaking out because you really didn't know what was happening. All you knew was that Darren wasn't coming, he hasn't called or texted you and it was unusual on him. And then Chuck called you and he told you that something really bad has happened? What was that? What the hell was going on? And why wasn't Darren the one who called you? Then you started to think something that you really didn't want to think. What if Chuck called you because something bad has happened to Darren and that was the reason Darren was late and he didn't tell you why? No, that wasn't possible because you were with Darren eight hours before and he was good, everything seemed normal. And why Chuck was picking you up? What was that bad thing that happened? It could be a lot of things. A fight, an argument, an accident, that someone was ill, that someone was hurt, that something important has been stolen, or that someone you knew was…No. you couldn't think about it. You really needed to calm down because you really didn't know what happened and you wouldn't know until Chuck arrives to your apartment. Maybe you were worried for something that actually wasn't that important. But Chuck's voice really sounded concerned and nervous. If it wasn't so important, then Chuck wouldn't have called you and talked to you as edgy as he was; he wouldn't have told you that he was going to pick you up so quickly.

You stayed sitting on your couch, thinking about all the possibilities that could have happened until Chuck finally arrived. You quickly left your apartment to go to his car. As soon as you got into the car you saw Chuck's face. He was completely nervous and hysterical as you've never seen him before. Then you really got nervous because, by Chuck's face, you realized that nothing good has happened; that whatever what happened, it was really important.

"_**What has happened Chuck?"**_ You asked at him, gingerly.

"_**Darren and Lyla."**_ Chuck answered nervously, running a hand in his hair.

"_**What has happened with Darren and Lyla?" **_You asked more nervous, trying to calm down but your heart was beating very fast.

"_**They were there, at some jewelry store. Probably because Darren asked Lyla to help him to choose something for you, you know your date and all." **_Chuck said nervous, his voice was trembling and so his body. _**"And you know, that was an expensive store...and they were there..."**_ Chuck was rambling and it seemed he was trying to make a huge effort to explain you what happened, but he was so nervous that he couldn't find the words to tell you.

_**"Relax, Chuck." **_You said gently, trying to hide all the nervousness you were feeling. _**"Yes, they were at some expensive jewelry store. So what happened?"**_

_**"Yes. Then some thieves sneaked into the jewelry store. They were there; they were armed with guns..."**_ Chuck started to breathe faster, inhaling.

_**"What?"**_ You widened your eyes and now your voice was trembling too._** "What has happened with them, Chuck? For God Sake!"**_

_**"The thieves were aiming them with their guns. They wanted their money; they only wanted their damn money!"**_ Chuck said fiercely and hysterically. _**"Yes, Darren gave them all his money, so did Lyla. But they were fucking aiming them with those guns! And then, we they got all the money, they shot them anyway!"**_

_**"Oh my god! What the hell Chuck? What? What?"**_ You started to ask extremely nervous while your body couldn't stop trembling. Your heart started to beat really fast now. _**"Where are they now? How are they?"**_

_**"Calm down, calm down."**_ Chuck said, placing a hand on your shoulder. _**"They have injuries. Darren is wounded but he's gonna be alright, the bullet pierced his chest and he's in an induced coma, but is he's gonna be alright. Lyla...she's worse. The bullet pierced the back of her head and the doctors don't know what will be her prognosis. She's bad, really bad."**_

_**"Oh my god, Chuck. This is not happening. No, no." **_You started to sob, edgy and hysterical and Chuck hugged you to try to calm you down.

_**"Chill out. All we have to do now is to wait and see what's going to happen. Now...just let's go to the hospital, so you can see them."**_

You nodded and Chuck started to drive to the hospital while you were sobbing in silence trying to calm down. This really couldn't be happening. Few hours ago everything was amazing and great and now all of this was happening. It wasn't fair. You couldn't believe there were people like those thieves in this world. You didn't get it, all they wanted was the money and they gave them all the money. Why did they have to shoot them? What kind of person is cold enough to shoot another person? Why Darren? Why Lyla? Why them? You really wanted to see Darren; you needed to see how he was. You were extremely worried; you didn't know how this was happening to him. You needed to know by yourself if he was going to be all right. You were wishing that all this was all a nightmare that was going to end soon, just a fantasy. You didn't know if you were going to be able to see Darren like Chuck said; you couldn't picture Darren like that. And Lyla. And Sami. Oh god, what was going to happen with Sami? Her mother wasn't well judging by what Chuck said and she couldn't be alone. How would be feeling Sami right now? She'd be feeling really sad and you couldn't stand it, she was so little to feel sad. What if something really bad comes to happen with Lyla? What would happen with Sami? Thinking about Sami and her mother broke your heart. She shouldn't be feeling this sad at her age; she shouldn't be worrying this much at her age. She was so little; she probably couldn't understand everything that was happening. You needed to arrive to the hospital; you needed to hug Sami, to see Darren, to know how Lyla was. You and Chuck stayed in silence until you arrived to the hospital.

Chuck led you to the room where Darren and Lyla were; but before getting into the room, Chuck stopped you.

"_**Listen. What you're gonna see it's not very nice, please try to stay calm. Mom and dad took Sami to the snack bar so they can calm her. So there's no one in the room. I'm gonna give you some time alone, but if you need me, I'm gonna be here. Okay?"**_ Chuck said looking into your eyes and placing his hand on your shoulder.

"_**Okay."**_ You answered nervously.

You really needed to get into that room. Chuck rubbed your shoulder lightly and then he opened the door to let you come in. You came into the room to see Lyla and Darren in some beds, unconscious. The two were placed on a ventilator with plastic tubes inserted their veins. In the first bed, nearest the door, was Lyla. She really looked bad. A lot of bandages covered her head and it seemed that her respiratory rate was almost zero and her heart rate was very low as the patient monitor said. She didn't have that smile on her face as she had at the party; her face didn't look as cheerful and sweet as that day at the party. It was as if you were looking another person. Then Sami popped again in your thoughts. Probably she's never seen her mother like this and that's why Cerine and Bill had to take her away for a while. You really felt sorry for Sami. Then you saw Darren and you approached him while tears started to fall down your face. He looked better than Lyla, but still he looked terrible. You looked at his chest, where also were a lot of bandages. You couldn't believe that Darren was looking like this and hours before he was the liveliest person ever; you really couldn't understand how all of this had happened. Chuck told you that he was going to be alright, but you were really aghast and altered. Darren looked so… lifeless and that broke your heart. You've seen Darren angry; you've seen him sad; you've seen him heartbroken, hurt; but this was completely different. At least in those moments he was expressing something, now his face was expressionless. You couldn't see Darren like this because he seemed so helpless; you wanted him to be alright again, you wanted to see his dazzling and shining smile, and you wanted to lose in his sparkling and bright hazel eyes. You wanted to hear the sound of his voice and feel the warmth of his body again. But you couldn't; all you could do was to hear the slight sound of his breathing. You slowly and gently grabbed his hand. It was a little cold and that, for some reason, made you cry even more. With your free hand you caressed Darren's cheek softly. He didn't make any movement nor had any reaction. When you touched him you had the hope that at least he'd have some kind of reaction, but nothing happened. Maybe if you talked to him, he'd hear the sound of your voice and have at least a minimal reaction. You leaned so you could whisper in Darren's ear.

"_**Hey Dar, it's me."**_ You whispered softly in his ear. You felt a little stupid because you waited for him to answer, but he was still as before. Your tears kept falling down your face but you kept talking, pretending that he was listening to you. _**"Dar, you need to get better soon. You won't get rid of me so easily; I'm gonna be the same pain in the ass as always, you know? I'm not giving up. And oh please, I'm sure that you still have a lot to mess around me, that couldn't have been the best you had."**_ You giggled slightly still in tears and with choked voice. This situation was really hard for you. _**"Dar we still have a lot to live. I still have a lot of things to tell you, there are still a lot of things you don't know about me and you need to be here so I can share it with you. And there are still a lot of things I don't know about you that I'd like to know. And the only way to do it, it's to do it together. You need to be strong and don't let that stupid accident to win you. And you don't have to think you're alone on this. Because I'm with you on this, your family is with you and so your friends. No one wants to see you this miserable and I'm sure you also wouldn't like them to see you like this. You told me once, Dar, that the power of a smile goes a long way. Why don't you smile again then, Dar? I miss to see that smile on your face and seeing you like this...I never saw you like this. It just hurts."**_ You said still sobbing and you caressed his hair softly. _**"You need to get well, do you know why? Because I really need you. And that's right; those aren't cheesy and vain words. I really mean it. I'm gonna tell you a little secret."**_ You whispered in his ear and then you sat on the floor cross legged, still holding his hand. _**"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. And I'm not talking about being here in this hospital room right now, I'm talking about being in this life. You're the real reason why I'm alive. You were the one who gave me all the strength I needed to move on, with your words first and then with your actions. Only a simple smile from you to me and that was all to make me feel that finally someone liked me. Only a hug from you to me and that was all to make me feel that finally someone cared about me. The way you looked at me, that was all I needed to feel happy; and the way you kissed me was all I needed to feel loved. You were the only one who made me feel I'm worth it, that there's still hope, that no matter what happened never is late to start over again. You were the only one who made me realize it. I couldn't have done anything I did if it wasn't for you. Thanks to you I kept going; thanks to you I could face my mother; thanks to you finally I learned what love is. That's why you need to get well, because without you I can't do this, because without you I'm gonna be lost again, because now I can't be without you. And because I love you. And I don't love you because you made me experience new things. I love you because you turned me into this person I am now, because I love the way I am whenever I'm with you. I love you because you're an extraordinary and outstanding person. I love you because with you I can be myself, because you are...you. And I really can't explain it. But I'm sure I've never been like this. You're the most important thing I have and I swear if I could do something for you to get better, I'd do it. Even if it means go against everything, I'd do whatever it takes if I knew the way to help you. Because even if I lose everything I have, it'll worth it, because I'd see you good again. There's a point in your life that something or someone turns more important than your own safety or interest. Well, I'm in that point of my life and that someone is you, Dar. So tell me what can I do to see you fine again, because I'm willing to do it. But please tell me how."**_ You said sobbing on his hand inconsolably.

Darren was motionless. He didn't make any kind of sound or any kind of reaction, and you couldn't stop sobbing. It really was hurting you to see Darren like that, it wasn't fair. Then suddenly you felt how a heavy hand rested on your shoulder and that made you startle. You looked up to see who the person who rested the hand on your shoulder was. It was Chuck who was kneeling now, looking at you tearful with a slight smile on his face. Apparently he heard all you said to Darren and you felt ashamed but you really didn't care in that moment. Chuck hugged you gently and you hugged him back, sobbing on his chest. You couldn't help it. You really didn't care if he heard you or not, even though it was something private. Because after all, it was Chuck and Chuck was one of the people who always were there, helping both you and Darren to make work out your relationship.

"_**What you said to my bro...He's lucky to have someone like you."**_ Chuck said, smiling fondly to you, still hugging you. "_**I've never seen someone who loved him the way you do. And honestly, I've never seen him happier than when he is with you. I'm sure he feels the same for you. I know because he told me. He's gonna be alright, soon he's gonna be the same Darren than ever."**_

"_**What if..."**_ You said with choked voice still crying.

"_**No. He's gonna be alright, so don't be sad."**_ Chuck said firmly and reassuringly.

"_**Chuck is right, sweetheart. Darren is gonna be alright."**_ A woman's voice said behind you both and you quickly turned around to see who was.

Cerine and Bill were standing behind, looking at you both also with a tearful look, but smiling sweetly. Bill had an arm wrapped around Cerine's back and she had her hand placed on Bill's hand. You didn't know since when they'd been there, but probably at the same time Chuck arrived there so probably they also heard all you said to Darren. You really weren't expecting them to hear you, you felt a little embarrassed but on the other hand you weren't feeling bad because now they knew how important their son was for you. And they seemed to like you; they were looking at you in that way that made you feel a little better. Because you knew you weren't alone on this, they were there with you too, all of you hoping that Darren could get better. But Chuck told you that Cerine and Bill were with Sami and Sami wasn't there. Even though you didn't know too much that little girl, you were very fond of her. You didn't know how that happened, but you just felt it, as she was really important to you already. Maybe it was because of the way she was with you, she seemed to know about you and she seemed to really love you, as Chuck and Darren told you once. Maybe it also was because you could see on Sami a lot of how you used to be when you were a little girl and your father was still alive. She reminded a lot of you, but you really hoped that all you had to live throughout your life comes to happen to her. That was why you were worried about her and Lyla's condition. Because if something bad comes to happen with Lyla, Sami would feel how is to not have a mom and you didn't know anything about her father, but he wasn't at the party and Darren didn't tell you anything about him. So probably her father was away and didn't want to know about her; or maybe her father couldn't be with her all the time for different reasons; or maybe, and you hoped it wasn't like that, her father was dead. You didn't want to think about it; because, even though Sami wasn't you and she had people who truly loved her, maybe she'd feel what you felt and you didn't wish that to anyone. You really needed to see her to know how she was.

"_**Where's Sami?"**_ You asked gently and intrigued, wiping away your tears.

"_**She's with Grant right now, she'll be here later. She needed to be away a little."**_ Bill said softly, looking at Lyla's direction.

You nodded but frowning. You couldn't understand what Grant had to do with all of this. He was at that party and now he was here, at the hospital and they weren't even related, or at least that was what you thought. But you didn't want to ask them the reasons why Grant was always there; you didn't want to seem disrespectful because of something that wasn't your business. All of you stayed quiet and silent, sitting in the room; every minute checking if Darren and Lyla made some kind of movement or sound. After an hour, Sami arrived to the room, holding hands with Grant. Sami really looked sad; she wasn't the Sami you knew, that little girl always smiling and talking. She was silent and looking down, but you could see that her eyes were swollen and her nose was red. She wasn't looking lively as always; suddenly she didn't seem a happy little girl, she seemed a sad girl even she seemed older than she actually was. Seeing Sami like that broke your heart. Once again you wanted to cry; it wasn't fair that a little girl like her had to feel in that way; it wasn't fair that she had to live all that. But you didn't have to cry in front of her; you needed to be strong for her because she needed someone strong to be next to her right now; she needed someone that could support her; she needed someone that could help her to go through this rough moment. Sami needed someone to lean on; someone who could hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright even though you didn't know if that actually was going to happen; but you needed to tell her that. You looked at Sami into her eyes and when she looked at you, you smiled slightly. Sami quickly ran to where you were and sat on your lap, wrapping her arms around your neck and burying her head on your shoulder. You were surprised at her reaction, the way she held you tight; but you immediately wrapped your arms around her. Cerine, Bill, Chuck and Grant were looking at you both with a weird expression that it was a mix of sadness and thrill.

_**"Aunt Ari, you came!"**_ Sami whispered hoarsely and that made you shiver.

Sami's voice was terrible; you could notice how much she had been crying. You wanted to make her feel that she was safe and that you wouldn't let that anything bad happens to her. You softly caressed her hair and kissed her forehead slightly smiling.

"_**Of course I came, Sami."**_

"_**I wanted to see you, aunt Ari. Would you stay with me?"**_ Sami said, her voice choked and shedding some tears. It was devastating to see her like this.

"_**All the time you want, Sami. I'm gonna be here."**_ You said looking into her eyes and wiping her tears away. _**"But smile for me, Sami."**_

Sami looked at you and she smiled slightly before hugging you again. You knew she did her best effort to smile for you but she actually was very sad. But it made you feel better that she wanted you to be with her, because that way you were going to be able to help her. But now that you were holding Sami again, she started to sob on your shoulder, as you caressed her hair to try to calm her down. Everybody in the room was looking at you both, but you didn't look at them, you were only focused on Sami and try to make her feel better. Suddenly you saw how Chuck got closer and he started to rub Sami's back, so now Sami was looking at him wiping away her own tears.

"_**Sami, don't feel sad. Your mommy wouldn't like it, would she?"**_ Chuck said gently still rubbing her back as Sami shook her head. _**"That's what I thought. Come with me, aunt Ari should get some fresh air now."**_ Sami nodded and went to Chuck's arms.

"_**Would you come back later?"**_ Sami said looking at you.

"_**Of course I'm gonna be back, as long as you want."**_ You said smiling reassuringly.

"_**Yes, I want to be with you, auntie."**_

"_**So, here I'm gonna be." **_You smiled at her and softly you kissed her cheek.

"_**Now go get some coffee or something, sweetheart. We're gonna be here."**_ Cerine told you soothingly, rubbing your back gently.

It felt nice when Cerine rubbed your back in this moment; you needed a gesture like that. You still couldn't believe the way Darren's parents were with you; it still felt weird, you weren't used a these kind of things, but you were happy for that. But as soon as Cerine rubbed your back you wanted to cry even though you needed to be strong. But it felt as if that nice and caring gesture softened your heart; but you kept strong only for Sami. You didn't want Sami to see you cry. So you only smiled trying to hold back your tears and nodded, walking towards the door to leave the room. You really needed to get some fresh air and a coffee to think about all that happened, and to cry without worrying someone looking at you. You needed to clear your mind, to think about something else, to think about what to do to make Sami feel better, to think what to do to help Darren. When you were leaving, Grant grabbed your arm.

"_**Wait. I'm gonna join you, so you won't be alone."**_ Grant said almost in a whisper.

"_**You really don't have to come with me, I'm fine."**_ You answered as low as him.

"_**No, really. I'd like to join you and besides this way I can give them a little time alone to be with Darren and Lyla."**_ Grant said smiling lightly.

"_**Okay."**_ You answered nodding.

You walked in silence to the snack bar of the hospital and you sat on a table while Grant went to get coffee for you both. Once you sat on the table you couldn't help it but cry all you wanted to cry while you were in the room. You really didn't want Grant to see you crying but you couldn't stop it. When Grant arrived with your coffee you were still crying and he stood next to the table a little uncomfortable as if he didn't know what to do. You just looked away and tried to wipe away your tears as Grant left the coffee on the table to sit next to you. It was an uncomfortable situation even for you, but in that moment you didn't care because all you could think was about Darren, Sami and Lyla.

"_**I'm...I'm sorry for this."**_ You said still sobbing but trying to stop.

"_**Hey..."**_ Grant said gently and kindly, placing a hand on your shoulder. _**"Don't be sorry, it's totally normal you're feeling this way. There's nothing wrong with crying."**_

"_**I don't know. I shouldn't. But..."**_ You said with choked voice as you covered your face with your hands so Grant wouldn't see you crying again. _**"I didn't want to do it in front of Sami. I need to be strong, but the truth is that I'm so scared, i don't know...I don't know what's gonna happen...and they looked...they..."**_

"_**Shhh."**_ Grant said reassuringly and gently he hugged you and he started to rub your back. _**"They're gonna be alright."**_

"_**How do you know it?"**_ You said with tearful eyes.

"_**I do not. But whatever it's gonna happen, it's because it had to happen. And if we don't have hope, who else will?"**_ Grant said consolingly. _**"And you said it to Sami; I say to you...Darren wouldn't like you to see you like this. He wouldn't like to see you crying and hopeless; he would like to see you smiling and full of hope. There's not so much you can do it for him now, but you can have hope for him, you can have hope he's gonna be alright."**_

"_**You're right. But it's hard to see him like that...he...he didn't seem..."**_

"_**He didn't seem to be the Darren you know, yes. But it's like life, we have ups and downs. He's in a down moment now, but you're never down all the time because you always look the way to be up again. And I know Darren isn't one of those people who give up so easily. He's kind of stubborn sometimes."**_ Grant said warmly and chuckling, rubbing your back.

"_**Yes, it's true."**_ You giggled a little, wiping away your tears. _**"I hope he keeps being the same stubborn man, now. And Sami...Lyla is worse...and Sami seemed..."**_

"_**You really care about Sami, don't you?"**_ Grant said smiling, now sitting in his chair and grabbing his coffee.

"_**Yeah. I don't know...she makes me feel in this way, she's...special."**_ You said, grabbing your coffee.

"_**I don't know how you did it, but she really loves you and she's not like that with everybody. When I was here with her all she was talking about was that she wanted to see you. She insisted me to come back to the room to check if you were already there. And the way she calls you auntie, it's cute." **_Grant said smiling livelier and he makes you smile with his words too.

"_**Really? I don't know, I guess we have a special connection. She reminds me to myself when I was little."**_

"_**Oh please, were you as chatty as she? Please, don't tell me that you used to tell other people's secrets making them feel a little uncomfortable! Because if it's like that now I seriously doubt to tell you something private sometime."**_ Grant said giggling as you did the same.

"_**Well, maybe..." **_You said, raising your eyebrow playfully.

Now you were feeling better and Grant really made you clear your mind to think about something else. After all, you were really glad that Grant joined you; otherwise you'd have been really bad in that moment. At first you were feeling a little uncomfortable after what happened at the party with him and Darren, and you had no idea what he and Darren talked about when you left the party. But it seemed to be something good, because you were talking as if you were fine, as if he knew all you meant to Darren and all Darren meant to you. It was being nice to talk to Grant and he didn't make you feel uncomfortable for whatever happened at that party. He was being completely different than that day at the party; you didn't know if it was for this tense and rough situation or if it was because Grant really didn't know that you and Darren had something when he was flirting with you at the party and now he was regretted. Whatever the reason was, you were feeling good with him. But there was still something you couldn't understand, his relationship with Sami. You really wanted to know, but you didn't dare because you knew you didn't have to ask that kind of stuff. But you were intrigued and you knew you wouldn't be quiet until you find it out.

"_**Grant…Could I ask you something?"**_ You asked carefully.

"_**Of course. As long as it doesn't involve telling you my secrets of science-cooking experiments."**_ Grant said teasingly and you just laughed slightly.

"_**Trust me. I have my own secrets for those. It's something…I don't wanna sound gossipy, disrespectful or nosy. Really…If you don't want to answer, it's alright…I don't wanna force you if you don't want to answer, honestly…"**_ You started to say nervously. Why did you have to be nervous all the time when you wanted to ask something? You hated that thing of you.

"_**Wow wow wow, relax!"**_ Grant laughed. _**"Just ask it!"**_

"_**Okay, yes." **_You said sighing and trying to sound more relaxed. _**"You and Sami…I don't get your relationship. I mean, yes Sami is Lyla's daughter and Lyla is Darren's cousin and all. But…from where do you know Sami? It's like you guys seem so close, and I don't know…I just wanted to know, but really if you don't want to answer…"**_

"_**That's it?"**_ Grant laughed out loud and you just frowned confused. _**"Seriously, the way you were so nervous I thought you were going to ask me something really private."**_

"_**Well…I…This is kinda private I guess…"**_ You said frowning and looking at him intently while he was still laughing.

"_**No, actually it's not. I thought Darren told you already."**_ Grant said frowning amused.

"_**No, he didn't tell me anything about you and Sami. I…if you don't want…"**_

"_**Stop it, really. There's nothing you can't know, I mean sooner or later you'd know it."**_ Grant said smiling amused. _**"Lyla's husband and Sami's father was my cousin, Steven. I and Steven were very close; it was as if we were step-brothers. I used to spend a lot of time with him. Hence I know Sami very well and we're very close; I'm an uncle for her just as Darren is. Not biggie. See? It wasn't so hard."**_

Now you started to understand everything. It was as if you only needed to know that little thing to finally connect the dots and piece things together. That's why Grant was at the party even though he had nothing to do with Darren beyond being coworkers. That was why Grant talked the way he did about Sami; why he was with her all the time. And also that was the reason why you didn't see Sami's father at the party. Grant was referring to Steven as he was and there were two reasons for that: either or Steven broke up with Lyla and Grant was very fond of Sami so he went to the party anyway, but he said they were close so maybe he and Steven had a fight; or Steven sadly was dead. One of those reasons was why Sami's dad wasn't there in this moment, hard for Sami; and one of those reasons was why they never mentioned Steven. But it was too much to ask Grant what happened with Steven, why he wasn't there. Otherwise, Grant would've told you.

"_**Well, now I get it. Sorry if I…"**_ You started to say a little uncomfortable.

"_**No, that's alright. Seriously, I thought you knew it already."**_ Grant said smiling.

"_**No, really I didn't know. Small is the world, isn't it?"**_ You said smiling slightly but awkwardly. _**"And Steven…"**_ No. You started to mention him. Why did you do it? You knew you didn't have to talk about it. You probably were sounding totally tattletale, intruding in something that wasn't your business.

"_**Uhm…"**_ Grant started to say a little tricky and fiddly, and you felt even more unnerved and uncomfortable. _**"Steven died about four years ago, when Sami was two years old. In a car accident."**_ Grant said distressed and frowning.

"_**I'm really sorry for your loss, Grant. And sorry because I shouldn't have asked that. I'm sorry."**_ You said remorsefully and ruefully.

"_**It's okay, really. It happened a long time ago and you don't have to be sorry. That's another thing you'd find out sooner or later. And for what I got you're already like a part of the family, so I don't get why you'd feel you shouldn't know about this."**_ Grant said hearteningly and then his eyes turned a little dark with a hint of concern and hesitation. _**"That's what worries us if something really bad happens to Lyla. Sami isn't alone, she has all of us; but we actually can't take care of her full time as she would need. Just…we can't picture it."**_

"_**No. Don't say that."**_ You said calmingly, grabbing Grant's hands. _**"Nothing wrong is gonna happen to Lyla. And…in the worst case it comes to happen. Well…we're gonna figure it out. But she's not gonna be alone."**_

"_**Yeah. I guess so."**_ Grant said, looking down and frowning.

Inside, you really hoped that nothing wrong comes to happen to Lyla but she really looked bad, you weren't so sure. But also, inside you, you knew that Sami wasn't going to be alone. Yes, it was right that probably neither of them would be able to take care of Sami because they all had a pretty busy life, full of work and responsibilities; but now you were there too and you weren't going to leave Sami alone. You really wanted that Lyla could get better, because Sami was so little to lose both of her parents; she was only six years old and a long life to live, a lot of things to live and learn from her mother. This shouldn't be happening to any little kid; sometimes life was just very unfair.

After a while, you and Grant came back to the room where Lyla and Darren were. There was a tense atmosphere and not surprisingly so. Sami was lying on Lyla's bed, next to her and she was very sleepy. Cerine, Bill and Chuck were sitting in some chairs talking about something you couldn't hear but you also didn't want to hear. After few minutes, a nurse came into the room, telling that the time for visitors was over.

"_**I'm gonna stay tonight with both of them."**_ Bill said. _**"You should go home now and take some rest."**_

"_**Fine, but if you have some news…"**_ Cerine started to say a little worried.

"_**Yes, I'll let you know." **_Bill said smiling reassuringly.

Cerine nodded and kissed Bill before walking towards the door. Grant grabbed Sami's hand to take her out of the room, but Sami started to complain.

"_**No, I wanna stay! I wanna stay with my mommy! Let me stay!"**_ Sami started to cry frantically, clinging to the edge of Lyla's bed.

"_**Sami, we have to go. We aren't allowed to stay here. Tomorrow we're gonna come back."**_ Grant said soothingly.

"_**No, I want to be with my mommy!"**_ Sami said, still crying. It broke your heart seeing Sami that desperate and sad, but you tried to hide it.

"_**Sami, we can't. We have to go to home and rest; it's been a long day. I promise, tomorrow we're gonna come back here."**_ Grant insisted.

"_**No, no, no!"**_

"_**Sami…"**_ Grant said this time a little wretched. _**"If we come back to home, I'm gonna make hot chocolate with marshmallows, your favorite." **_Grant said smiling slightly, trying to lift up Sami.

"_**Would you?"**_ Sami said wiping away her tears and more calmed as Grant nodded with a smile. _**"Only if auntie Ari comes with us and she sleeps with me."**_

You got astounded and dazed by her words. You weren't expecting Sami to say something like that, but it moved you, for sure. Grant looked up to you expectantly and almost appealingly. Cerine and Chuck were also looking at you, waiting for your answer and also a little astonished by what Sami requested.

"_**Yeah, sure."**_ You answered still astonished but with a smile.

Sami ran to you and she grabbed your hand, livelier and apparently happy for your answer. Grant, Chuck and Cerine smiled at you sweetly and they seemed touched by this action. You finally left the hospital and Chuck drove you all to Lyla's house. In the way to the car Grant whispered something in your ear.

"_**Thank you."**_

* * *

You were lying in bed with Sami. Sami was curled up like in a fetal position, facing you. You wrapped your arms around her and started to caress her hair. Both of you were silent and Sami was looking into your eyes very deeply. Her eyes denoted a hint of anguish and daze, but she didn't utter a word and you didn't want to force her to talk. Then Sami started to shed some tears in silence and you just looked at her and caressed her cheeks softly.

"_**Don't cry, Sami."**_ You said sweetly and Sami buried her face on your chest.

"_**My mommy is like that because she's sad. Because I didn't give her the drawing I did yesterday."**_ Sami said sobbing and hugging you.

You looked at Sami astonished. You couldn't believe that Sami was thinking that her mother was in that situation for something like that, for a drawing. She was thinking it was her fault why Lyla was there. You didn't know if you should explain her that it wasn't her fault because it was because of some thieves; or if you should tell her that it wasn't her fault but if she thought so you could change it. You didn't know if you should tell Sami the truth or not, because you didn't know how she would react, what she would think. The important point was that Sami was feeling guilty for something that wasn't her fault, and you needed to let her know that it wasn't her fault because she was feeling bad about it. You tried to think quickly what to say to her, you tried to pick the best words to explain the situation without breaking her heart. It was really hard, you really didn't know what you were doing or if you were doing the right thing; but you needed to help her somehow. For some reason she was telling this to you and not to anybody else; apparently Sami trusted you and she was looking for your support.

"_**No, Sami. It's not your fault, so don't feel sad for that. Your mommy is like that because bad people hurt her, but soon your mommy is gonna be alright because there are good people who are helping her."**_ You said a little awkward because you really didn't know how to talk Sami about all of this. Sami was looking into your eyes still shedding some tears.

"_**Why are there bad people? My mommy isn't a bad person. Why somebody would want to hurt her? What did she do?"**_ Sami asked distressingly and you bit your lips, trying to look some words that wouldn't impact Sami very much, but it was hard.

"_**She didn't do anything wrong, Sami. Both of us know that your mommy is a really good person and that this shouldn't be happening to a good person like her. But sadly there are bad people who don't care if they're doing bad things to good people. But those bad people have their due sooner or later. And we don't have to think in those bad people Sami, we have to think in good people who are always helping and who are always friendly, those good people are the ones who are worth it; so we really don't want to worry about bad people if we can have a good time with good people."**_ You said trying to sound as reassuring and soothing as you could. "_**And your mommy, she's gonna be fine and she would want to see you happy, she would want to see that you believe she's gonna be fine."**_

"_**How do you know that my mommy is gonna be fine?"**_ Sami said frowning.

You got uncomfortable because you didn't know if Lyla would be fine and you didn't want to lie to Sami; because if something bad comes to happen to Lyla, Sami would feel bamboozled by everyone and that wouldn't be a good feeling for her. Because you knew how it felt, to be bamboozled by everyone and that would cause many problems of self confidence and trust in people in the future; the same that happened to you. And you didn't want it for her, because you were going to do whatever it takes to make Sami see that life is actually beautiful, you were going to make her see what took you a lot of years to understand. Sami wasn't going to live all you had to live, because you weren't going to let it happen. So she needed to know the truth, but she needed to know it in a sonsy way.

"_**I honestly don't know. But we can still have hope; we can still do things to make your mommy feel better. For example, we could draw something tomorrow before going to the hospital for her; she'd like to see that you drew something for her. And you also can tell her a story, I'm sure she'd like to hear your voice. Those little things could help your mommy to feel better."**_ You said smiling slightly but Sami seemed unconvinced. _**"Listen, Sami. I'm gonna tell you a story. Once upon a time, a little princess was crying alone near the river of the Earth Kingdom until a little pink and chatty rabbit approached the little princess. **_**-Why are you crying, little princess?**_** - The rabbit asked concerned and the princess looked at the rabbit with eyes filled with tears. -**_**The queen, my mom, went away to the Heaven Kingdom and she left me alone here.**_** - The princess answered, still sobbing. The rabbit looked at her and smiled. -**_**She didn't leave you alone and she'll never do. She must be far away, but it doesn't mean that she's not thinking about you; it doesn't mean that she's not looking at you right now. I heard that from the Heaven Kingdom you can watch to your loved ones who are in the Earth Kingdom and you can take care of theme even if they are away. But we, who are in the Earth Kingdom, can't watch them but we can feel them as long as we keep them in our hearts.**_** - The wise rabbit said to the princess as she frowned confused. - **_**And how does it work? How do we keep them in our hearts?**_** - The princess asked intrigued because she really wanted to feel that the queen was still with her. - **_**It's not hard. All you have to do is to keep all your memories with her both in your heart and your mind; all the good times you remember and the days that you spent together. In that way, her smile and face will never fade, because unconditional love is never forgotten, look deep in your heart it is there at the bottom. And you just have to remember one thing, she'll be there to greet you, you'll see her again someday in a place where there's no tears, nor sorrow; only laughter and smiles. So when you start to get down and you really want to cry, just think of the fun times and don't wonder why. Just leave it at that and know she's better now. She's in a better place. She's watching over you and she's making sure you're okay until the day the queen calls you from the Heaven Kingdom when she thinks you already accomplished all your goals on the Earth Kingdom to see you again.**_** - The rabbit said with a big smile. The princess started to think about this, she thought that maybe the rabbit was right. The queen didn't leave her, she was still there, watching for her and she was there, in her heart. Now the princess started to feel better, but there was missing something, something that didn't let her be completely happy. - **_**I can keep her with me in my heart. But what I'm gonna do in this Earth Kingdom if I can't spend my days with her? I don't have anyone to play; I don't have anyone to accompany me in this Kingdom.**_** - The little princess said a little sad, but the rabbit took her hand gently. - **_**You have me. I'm gonna stand by you. I'm gonna be here to grab your hand and accompany you until the time you have to go to the Heaven Kingdom.**_** - The rabbit answered with a big and cheerful smile. The little princess smiled happily. She knew now that she wasn't alone because the queen was watching over her from the Heaven Kingdom and the rabbit was there to be with her until her last day in the Earth Kingdom. She was loved and she'll always be loved and that was all that mattered." **_You finished telling the story to Sami.

You never stopped looking into her eyes sweetly and reassuringly, to try to make her understand that was what it was going to happen to her, that whatever it was going to happen with her mom, she'd never be alone. Sami was looking at you, this time a little better. Maybe telling her that as if it was a fairy tale was a good idea. Sami snuggled up to you and she buried her face again on your chest as you caressed her hair softly.

"_**Auntie Ari? Would you be with me always? Would you be like the pink and chatty rabbit?"**_ Sami asked softly and you got amazed.

"_**Of course. I'll stand by you to grab your hand always."**_ You answered sweetly and kissed her forehead. _**"Now we should get some sleep because tomorrow we're gonna get up early to draw."**_

"_**Yes."**_ Sami said smiling slightly and closed her eyes. _**"Auntie, I love you."**_

"_**I love you too, Sami."**_ You answered a little astonished but very touched.

Sami fell asleep quickly in your arms, but you couldn't sleep. You stayed awake thinking that Sami was probably the smartest girl you've ever met. She surely understood what you tried to say with that story; she surely understood that she was the princess and Lyla the queen and the rabbit all the people who loved her, including you. She understood it; otherwise she wouldn't have asked you to be the rabbit for her. And she told you she loved you. It was almost crazy to love Sami in so little, but you felt this way with her, she was a special girl for you and now, more than ever, you were going to take care of her. You definitely were going to be that pink and chatty rabbit for her.

* * *

Next day you woke up before Sami did. You decided to let her sleep a little more because she really needed that. Last night it seemed that Sami had nightmares because she couldn't stop move restlessly in bed. You went to the kitchen to drink some coffee before bringing Sami her favorite hot chocolate with marshmallows. Cerine, Chuck and Grant were already awake and Cerine made a coffee for you. You talked for a while, they asked you how you slept and you told about Sami and her nightmares; you talked about what you were doing that day; you talked about Darren and Lyla. After a while you decided to wake up Sami, bringing her hot chocolate with marshmallows to her bedroom. When you got into the room, you found out that surprisingly Sami was already awake and she was on her desk, apparently doing something quietly. You slowly approached her with the hot chocolate on your hands.

"_**Good morning, Sami!"**_ You said looking at her with a bright smile. _**"I brought some hot chocolate with marshmallows for you."**_

You gave her the hot chocolate and she smiled at you happily. She looked better than last night. Sami grabbed the hot chocolate and started to drink it. You sat next to her to see what she was doing. She was drawing something. Before you could ask her something, she looked at you and she started to talk.

"_**I'm doing a drawing for my mommy. Look! There's the queen and the princess. The pink rabbit is there too! I called the pink rabbit Ari, just like you. And I'm the princess, but she's smiling because you told me that my mommy would like to see me smiling."**_ Sami said sweetly, showing you the drawing.

It wasn't the most perfect drawing in the earth, the lines were squiggly and it wasn't correctly colored. But the meaning was what made that drawing perfect. She put in that drawing all her feelings. She drew herself as princess and Lyla as the queen; she even drew you as the pink rabbit. And she drew all of you with a big smile, the three of them holding hands. And she was drawing something for her mom as you told her you could do, to make her feel better. You didn't realize before how much your words meant for Sami. She listened every single word you told her. You didn't know that with your simple words Sami could feel better and more hopeful. The fact was that seeing that drawing and realizing that Sami really listened to you made you feel very touched and that made you feel very emotional. You hugged her tight and kissed her forehead with eyes filled with tears of joy.

_**"I'm sure your mommy is gonna love this drawing. It's the most precious drawing I've ever seen, Sami."**_

_**"Do you really think so? Because I really want to draw something that can make my mommy feels better, so we can play together again."**_ Sami asked, continuing coloring her drawing.

_**"Yes, I really think so. You know, I'm sure your mommy is proud of you."**_

_**"That's what I want. I want my mommy feel proud of me. Would you like to help me finish the drawing, auntie?"**_ Sami asked with a smile and you nodded, grabbing some pencils.

You spent all the morning drawing. Something new was happening. Sami and you were now like sharing a secret, like you were sharing something really private, something that only both of you would know the meaning. You were feeling something new; you were starting to love Sami as she was your little sister that needed you to take care of her. And you knew you would do so.

* * *

_FOUR DAYS LATER…_

You were sleeping in your house while suddenly your phone started to buzz in middle of the night. You grabbed your phone frowning and with eyes half closed you read the text that had been sent to you.

**From Chuck: Sorry for the time, but we really need you here at the hospital. Sami is asking for you like crazy. Really, something bad has happened but I need to tell you here. Could you come?**

That text from Chuck really freaked out. Chuck never texted you at this late and he sounded desperate. As he said, something bad really happened otherwise he wouldn't have done that. And Sami was asking for you like crazy. What the hell was going on? They were at the hospital. Was it something related with Darren or Lyla? You needed to go the hospital, you needed to know that everything was alright; you needed to know what happened. You quickly changed your clothes to go to the hospital as fast as you could. You needed to see Darren to see if he was fine; you needed to see Sami and check out she was fine and let her know that you were with her. You left your apartment and stopped a taxi to go to the hospital. Then you remembered that you didn't text Chuck back.

**To Chuck: Chuck, I'm on my way to the hospital.**

After ten minutes you arrived to the hospital and you ran to the room where Darren and Lyla were. As soon as you came into the room, you heard Sami's voice yelling and crying inconsolably while everybody in the room were trying to calm her down. Grant was holding Sami tight to prevent her from moving. You looked around, Darren was still there unconscious but when you looked at Lyla's bed, you froze. Lyla wasn't there anymore. You really didn't want to think what you were thinking. No, that couldn't be happening; that wasn't possible. Chuck quickly approached you and led you outside the room, closing the door behind. Chuck looked devastated and his eyes were red as if he was crying and you've never seen him like that. That made you feel even more nervous; you really needed to know what was happening, why everybody was crying. But you were in shock and you couldn't utter a word, you were feeling dizzy and bewildered. Chuck grabbed you by your arms, looking at you into your eyes with tearful look.

"_**She died."**_ Chuck said this time shedding tears and you shocked.

You couldn't internalize what Chuck just said, you couldn't believe it. That wasn't happening; that shouldn't be happening. Your body started to shiver as your mind started to process everything; you were thinking a lot of things at the same time in matter of a second. Sami was the first thing that popped into your thoughts. All you said to Sami, that her mom was going to be alright. The way Sami probably was feeling right now; she looked really exasperated and miserable. You thought what was going to happen with Sami from now on, she lost both of her parents and she was only six years old. She was so little and a lot of bad things happened to her, she didn't deserve all of this, you couldn't believe how unfair life was with her. She needed you right now; you promised her that you were going to be with her always. You didn't know what to say to her, how to make her feel better; but you needed to be with her. But you couldn't move, you couldn't do anything because you were in shock. Nothing was going like it was supposed to go. Suddenly you started to cry because a deep anguish took over your body; because Lyla should be here, she was supposed to get better. Chuck hugged you until you calmed down. You needed to be calmed for Sami. It didn't matter how you were feeling now, because all that mattered in that moment was Sami and she needed someone who could be able to take care of her.

_**"I need...I need to see Sami, Chuck."**_ You said, wiping away your tears and trying to be strong.

_**"Yes."**_ Chuck nodded, wiping his tears away as well. _**"I don't know what you said to her or what you did to her. But all she wanted was to see you. She said you were the only one who could understand her. I don't know she mentioned a kingdom and a rabbit, I don't know what it means, but it seemed to mean a lot to her. Thank you, for everything you're doing."**_

_**"No, don't thank me anything. I...just need to see her."**_ You said looking into Chuck eyes.

Chuck nodded again and you both went to the room again. You walked toward Sami and as soon as she looked at you, she ran to you, hugging you by your legs and crying exasperatedly. You hugged her, caressing her hair and closing your eyes to try to hide how heartbrokenly you were feeling. After a while you kneeled so you could look through her eyes. You slowly and gently wiped her tears away. It really was breaking your heart to see that little girl very devastated at her age.

"_**Sami…"**_ You started to say really softly.

"_**Grab my hand auntie, you promised me that you were going to grab my hand. You promised to stand by me until the day I join her in the Heaven Kingdom. Please, auntie, you promised."**_ Sami said grieving desolately.

You couldn't hold back your tears any longer, not when Sami was being this desolated and she was telling you all this. You knew you needed to be strong for her, but hearing all that just broke your heart. You hugged her tight and then you grabbed her hand, kissing it softly.

"_**I promised and I'm gonna do it, Sami."**_ You said with you voice choked but trying to contain yourself. _**"You remember the story, Sami. That was going to happen. Remember that you're not alone, that she's looking over you and you have all of us to be with you in this Earth Kingdom. We all are the pink rabbits who are gonna grab your hand. Remember Sami, you don't have to be sad because she's away now, but she's gonna be always here."**_ You said, placing your hand on her heart as Sami continued crying. _**"I won't say to you to stop crying, because sometime is good to cry. But I'm gonna tell you that you shouldn't cry forever, because no one would like to see a princess crying; your mommy from the Heaven Kingdom wouldn't like to see you crying. She'd like to see you remembering only the good things. And I'm gonna be always here to grab your hand, you got it, right Sami? I want you to remember that; that you're loved and no one here is gonna leave you alone. Remember it, Sami."**_ You said reassuringly; still with choked voice and shedding some tears. Sami looked at you and she smiled very slightly.

"_**What if I don't see her again? What if I don't find her?"**_

"_**That's not gonna happen, Sami. You're gonna find her because she will be with you always as long as you remember her and all the good moments. She's gonna guide you; remember that she's looking over you. But you have to show her that you're gonna be fine, because that's all she would like. She'd like to see you happy in your time in the Earth Kingdom."**_ You said, caressing her cheek.

"_**Yes, but..."**_ Sami started to cry again and you grabbed her hand tighter. Then Sami hugged you again, buried her head on your chest and continued crying while you rubbed her back. After a few minutes Sami got to calm a little. _**"You're right auntie. She wouldn't like to see me like this."**_

"_**Yes, c'mere."**_ You smiled slightly, wiping her tears away and hugging her again.

You stayed like that for several minutes. Bill, Cerine, Chuck and Grant were looking at you both, they listened everything you said to Sami and probably now they understood what Sami was trying to say when she mentioned the rabbit, the Heaven Kingdom and the Earth Kingdom. You knew it was going to be hard and rough for Sami, you knew that this was very different than your situation; because Lyla loved Sami, not like your mother. Because Lyla loved she and she showed Sami all her love, and now Sami was going to feel the lack of that love. But you were there for her, to be with her in this hard moment. You were going to help her to go through this situation. Since that moment, you promised to yourself to stand by Sami from now on, no matter what. Sami meant a lot for you.

* * *

_FIVE WEEKS LATER..._

The last weeks were a bunch of fuzzy and blurred events full of ups and downs. Sami sometimes was good and sometimes she couldn't stop crying, but it was normal considering all that happened. Bill and Cerine were really occupied with the funeral while you, Chuck and Grant took care of Sami. Even though everybody was really busy and trying to accept completely Lyla's death; everybody found time to go to the hospital and see how Darren was. He wasn't getting any better as you were expecting. It had been more than five weeks and he was still unconscious. You were really worried and nervous after all that happened because judging by what the doctors said, Darren was supposed to regain consciousness in a week, but that didn't happen. He was in the same situation than that day Chuck called you telling something bad had happened. You didn't want to give up hope, but you couldn't stop freaking out. You were feeling very frustrated because you were useless, because you couldn't do anything about it. Even though it made you feel bad seeing Darren like that and you couldn't stand it, you went to hospital every day and you kept talking to him even though he couldn't answer. You didn't even know if he was listening to you, but you never stopped; maybe he could hear you, so you kept the hopes.

That day you asked if you could take care of him that night and Darren's family agreed. It was actually the first time you were going to stay at night. You didn't do it before because Sami really needed you, somehow she felt better when she was with you. The other reason was because it hurt too much to see Darren like that and you always ended up shedding some tears. But you needed to stay with him, you needed to let him know that you were there with him, even though he couldn't see you nor hear you; but probably he could feel it. Once you got alone in the room, you felt really bad; you didn't know why but you just felt it. It was sad to be in silence next to Darren. You kept staring at him for hours, just staring at him. You started to wonder why all of this had to be happening, why him, why Lyla. You wanted to see some kind of reaction; at least you wanted to see how Darren moved a little his head, or at least some kind of facial expression. But you stared at him for three hours and nothing happened. You were getting sleepy but you didn't to go to the spare bed; so you grabbed his hand and, sitting on a chair, you rested your head on Darren's bed, near his shoulder. You quickly fell fast asleep but you couldn't really sleep well because you were waking up every ten minutes to check if everything was alright or if something unexpected happened. But nothing happened.

"_**Where am I?"**_ Suddenly you heard and you woke up, startled.

You looked up to Darren who was looking around with his eyes half opened. He looked really confused, dopey and dizzy and you just froze. You couldn't believe that Darren finally woke up, you were really happy but at the same time you were a little nervous. He'd been unconscious for so long and maybe it affected his memory that could be the reason why Darren was very dizzy and dopey. You were alone and a lot of things had happened while Darren was unconscious; you didn't know if you should tell him all those things or if you just needed to skip those things and tell him all that when his family was here. You didn't know if you should call his family, call a nurse or for now don't call anyone. You didn't know if you should talk to Darren or if you just needed to let him rest. You were nervous, happy, emotional, and blithe and you were more relaxed now that Darren was finally awake. You wanted to cry because of all your feelings, you wanted to hug him as you wanted since a long time, you wanted also to kiss him; but you didn't do anything because you thought that probably the best would be to let Darren to try to understand where he was, why he was there, what happened and a lot of questions that probably were crossing Darren's mind. He needed time to try to understand all little by little; and he needed time to try to regain consciousness in a safety way and it wouldn't happen if things rushed. Darren's eyes finally found yours and he stared at you, frowning and taken aback, bewildered. You gently grabbed Darren's hand and smiled at him slightly, trying to hold back your tears. For some reason you couldn't talk, you were really emotional and relieved that Darren seemed to be fine, that nothing wrong was going to happen to him. You were waiting for this moment he regains consciousness for so long and now that it happened you forgot all you had in mind to tell him. It didn't happen in the way you were expecting, but it happened. Finally Darren was better.

"_**Where am I? Why are we here? Why do I have plastic tubes inserted on my veins? What happened? Dammit, my head hurts."**_ Darren said hoarsely and bemused and in pain, grabbing his head. _**"I can't fucking focus my eyes, everything's so blurry."**_ He said again hoarsely, blinking and rubbing his eyes.

"_**Hey, Darren."**_ You said softly and reassuringly, squeezing his hand. _**"Easy, Dar. You've been unconscious for so long, you need to slow down." **_You gently caressed his cheek with a slight smile.

"_**I was what?"**_ Darren asked obfuscated and disturbed. _**"What the hell?"**_ Darren exclaimed and quickly he grabbed his head again, closing his eyes and frowning. Apparently his head was really hurting as he said.

"_**Okay, Dar. We need to take this slow. Rest you head again."**_ You said, grabbing his head and helping him to rest it on the pillow again, gently. Then, you looked into his eyes and caressed his cheek. _**"Yeah, a lot of things had happened, but right now you need to rest, okay?"**_

"_**No."**_ Darren said shaking his head abruptly what made him feel pain again. But he opened his eyes again to look at you disconcerted. _**"I wanna know what happened. What's all this? Why am I like this? Since when was I like this?"**_

"_**Darren, you're gonna know all those things but not right now. Now you need to rest."**_ You said softly.

"_**Oh fuck, for god sake, just tell me it all! Dammit, I need to know what the hell happened!"**_ Darren exclaimed exasperated.

"_**Darren, calm down for your health."**_ You said softly, staring at him intently. _**"What's the last thing you can remember?"**_

"_**Uhmm…"**_ Darren frowned and closed his eyes to try to remember something. He seemed really frustrated. _**"We were going to have a date. Yeah. Then, I was at Lyla's house and…"**_ He frowned even more, trying hard to remember. _**"Ugh! Why the hell can't I remember? This really sucks."**_

"**No, I think it's normal. Little by little you're going to remember what happened. For now, it's better to wait for you to remember more things to explain what happened."** You said, patting his hair.

"_**Wait, no. I remember…I remember I asked Lyla to help me to choose something for you. Yes, we went to that jewelry store. Then we were looking for that…but then, I don't know everything is so damn blurry!"**_ Darren grumbled frustrated and irritated.

"_**Darren."**_ You said firmly, grabbing his hands and making him to look at you. _**"Don't force yourself, you soon will remember everything. Now you need to rest, please." **_You said kindly and kissed his forehead.

Darren quickly grabbed your cheeks and he forced you to stay like that with him, forehead to forehead, with his eyes closed and he started to nuzzle his nose with yours. He was breathing fast, apparently trying hard to chill out. Softly he started to caress your cheek and you ran your fingers in his hair.

"_**I can't remember anything, boo. Nothing at all. I have no idea why I'm here and that freaks me out."**_ Darren gasped still with his eyes closed and resting his forehead against yours, his voice trembling.

"_**Look at me, Darren."**_ You said nicely and Darren opened his eyes so now both of you were looking into each other's eyes. _**"You remembered many things. It's normal that you can't remember what happened after you got into that jewelry store and it's even more normal that you can't understand why you're here, at a hospital. You've been unconscious for weeks and you just regained consciousness. That's why you can't remember right now and that's why you don't have to force yourself to try to remember everything. With time, you're gonna start remember everything. And right now you should stop thinking about it and just relax; you need to rest for your health. But you're doing well, you're gonna be alright and you're doing a huge progress. Later you'll find out everything that happened, but not now. So just try to rest again, Dar."**_ You smiled comfortingly and Darren kept looking at you with nervous and sad eyes.

"_**Fine. But I just wanna know something."**_ Darren said, looking at you and you nodded. _**"What happened to me to end up in a hospital?"**_

"_**It was…uhm, an accident."**_ You said softly and Darren frowned, looking down. _**"But Darren, really later you'll know everything. Please, now just rest."**_ You almost whispered and kissed his cheek.

"_**Okay."**_ Darren said still looking down and you smiled slightly, getting away from him to let him rest but Darren stopped you by grabbing your hand. _**"No, please stay with me?"**_ Darren asked looking deeply into your eyes, rolling in bed so you could lie next to him. _**"Please, sleep with me?"**_

"_**Darren, I don't think it could be a good idea. You still are weak, and your injuries…I'm gonna stay by your side in the chair, though." **_You said smiling but Darren kept staring at you with that pleading look.

"_**Please." **_Darren begged you, still staring at you. _**"I'm a mess right now, I don't get a shit what happened, and I'm scared and confused. All I want is you to lie next to me."**_

"_**No, Darren, sorry. But I cannot lie down next to you, you need to be comfortable and all."**_ You started to say with guilt and Darren looked down a little sad._** "Well, I can't lie down beside you, but I can rest my head on the pillow if that's okay for you."**_

"_**Yeah, I'd love that."**_ Darren said, smiling slightly for the very first time since he woke up.

You smiled back at him and slowly rested your head next to his. As soon as you rested your head, Darren got closer and nuzzled his nose with yours, with his eyes closed. You gently curled a few of his curls and he smiled slightly again. It was wonderful to see Darren smiling in that way. You were waiting more than five weeks to see Darren smiling like that again. He was awake again and he was getting better. You felt a huge relief losing that huge load of not knowing how Darren was or if he was going or not to get better. You also felt a huge relief to see that Darren could remember almost everything because you were really worried that he could lose his memory at all; as doctors said once they realized Darren didn't regain consciousness in more than five weeks. And Darren could open his eyes, talk, and move. It seemed as if the coma didn't affect him as much as might have been. Now you had more hopes. Darren was doing alright as you were wanting so hard. Moved, you caressed his cheek softly; expressing all the relief and happiness you were feeling to see Darren back. He slightly pressed his lips against yours with a faint smile, still with his eyes closed. He muttered something with his lips but not uttering a sound that made you feel emotional, filling your eyes with tears.

_**"I love you too, Dar."**_

* * *

_ONE WEEK LATER…_

Finally doctors said Darren was completely recovered so he was discharged from the hospital and he returned to Lyla's house, were the Criss family was staying. Little by little Darren was remembering things that happened that day which was supposed to be your first date; but he couldn't remember yet that he and Lyla were shot. Of course you and his family explained him that he was shot and that was the reason why Darren was in the hospital, but you didn't tell him yet about what happened to Lyla. Darren was getting better day by day but he was still weak to know all that, it was a very hard thing to tell him and it wasn't a good moment to let Darren know all that. You and his family decided to tell so to Darren once he was at home and you could notice he was good enough to deal with Lyla's death. Darren was getting better with each passing day. Now he could talk more fluent and he even made some jokes about his condition. Darren was livelier and he started to smile more often. You were really scared to not see his smile and hear his voice again after the accident and after what happened to Lyla. But now you were happy to have him back. You all were all the time taking care about Darren, checking if he was alright, if he needed something and that made feel him a little uncomfortable, but at the same time he was very thankful because he couldn't do everything by himself yet.

That day, Darren came back to Lyla's house and you and Darren's family decided to tell Darren what happened with Lyla because you were avoiding his questions for so long, and now that he was going to stay at her house, he'd suspect something. So that night after dinner, Grant took Sami to bed so she wouldn't listen the story again. You, Darren, Chuck and Darren's parents were sitting on the table, drinking some coffee and Darren only water. That was an uncomfortable moment because no one of you knew how to start telling Darren it all. You all were silent until Darren frowned and looked at you all.

"_**These days…you all were avoiding my questions about where Lyla is and I haven't seen her around. She was at that jewelry store with me, is she alright?"**_ Darren asked concerned as you all looked down.

"_**Honey…"**_ Cerine started to say sweetly but nervous and then she stayed silent, apparently trying to find the words to tell Darren everything.

"**Mom, please. Just tell me where she is. I don't even know if she was shot like me, if she is safe. I cannot remember anything at all."** Darren said with a pleading look.

"_**Well, honey…"**_ Cerine said and cleared her throat. Bill, Chuck and you were just silent, listening everything and looking at the two of them. _**"Lyla was shot, like you. But she was shot in the back of her head. She was at the hospital too." **_Cerine said, trying to stay strong while Darren was looking at her intently and frowning.

"_**How is she? Where is she now?"**_ Darren asked edgy and freaking out.

"_**She was in a very serious condition and the doctors did all they could; but it was too late, she lost too much blood. She couldn't do it."**_ Cerine answered with teary eyes and chocked voice.

"_**What the hell do you mean with she couldn't do it, mom?"**_ Darren asked hysterically and frowning.

"_**She's dead, Darren."**_ Cerine said this time crying.

Chuck and Bill looked down, trying to hold back his tears. You looked at Darren, he was frowning and he had a horrified look. He was in a shock, looking nowhere and he was deep in his thoughts. You slowly placed a hand over his hand and Darren didn't flinch, he stayed in silence with the same expression, this time frowning and very serious.

"_**Darren…"**_ Cerine started to say sensibly.

Darren raised an eyebrow and gulped, still with the same serious expression on his face. Then he pulled away your hand sharply and he stood up abruptly, pushing aside his chair and dropping it to the floor. He quickly left the dinner room and you heard how he slammed the door of his bedroom, thumping it several times. Bill sighed as if he was expecting Darren to do something like that, trying to comfort Cerine who was still crying. Chuck was biting his lower lip and grabbing his head, looking down. You were astonished and incredulous by Darren's reaction. Of course Darren was shocked because of this new information for him; but you were expecting something else like seeing him sad but not angry. Because it seemed that Darren was in a rage and that took you by surprise. The point was that you couldn't leave Darren alone in this moment; probably he needed someone now to help him to deal with all of this. You didn't like to see Darren like this and you knew he was feeling confused and shocked; and you needed to do whatever it takes to make him feel better. So you slowly stood up to go to Darren's bedroom and talk to him, but Cerine stopped you.

"_**Sweetheart, it's better if you don't go with Darren right now. When he's like this and he locks himself in the bedroom, it's because he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He's been like this since I have memory. Soon he's gonna be calmed and then you'd be able to talk to him."**_ Cerine said softly.

"_**I… I can't leave him like that. I'm gonna try to talk to him, and if it doesn't work and he tells me to go away, I'll try later. But… I need… you know…"**_ You started to say insecure even though you really wanted to talk to him.

Cerine nodded and you started to walk to Darren's bedroom, still a little insecure. The truth was that you really didn't know how Darren would react and if you were going to be ready to be treated in a bad way if it needed to be like that. You stood in front of the door, nervous and not sure if you should open the door or not. Maybe Darren needed some time alone to internalize everything that happened and you were going to bug him with your presence. But you knew how it was to be alone in hard moments like that and it wasn't nice. Even though you could think you needed to be alone and think; you knew it was bullshit because when you were feeling like that the day your father died and no one was next to you to hold you, you felt miserable because everybody needs someone to lean on in those moments even though you try to deny it. Darren needed someone next to him right now and you couldn't do anything if you knew it, you wanted to let him know that you were going to be beside him either in good and bad moments. So, nervous but steady, you slowly opened the door. You looked at the bedroom horrified. There were a lot of things scattered everywhere: clothes, boxes, papers, objects. The lights were off but you could see the silhouette of Darren lying on the bed, his head buried in the pillow. You slowly approached him and you sat on the edge of the bed. Darren didn't change countenance; he stayed in silence still with his head buried in the pillow. You gently started to caress his hair, also in silence. You didn't know if you should talk to him or if you just needed to be there in silence but letting Darren know you were there with him and you wouldn't let him to feel alone and bad.

"_**Go away."**_ Darren said sharply, still with his head buried in the pillow which was hugging.

You shivered at the sound of his voice, but you didn't move from where you were, you continued caressing his hair gently. Darren, still avoiding your look and with his head buried in the pillow, pulled your hand away offhandedly from his hair. You clasped your hands together, folding all fingers down and placing them on your lap. You were uncomfortable and astonished by Darren's reaction, but you were determined to not go away from Darren's side; even though he was going to be like this with you. You knew it was a reaction of self-restraint to not show all the pain he was feeling inside, you knew it because you've been there.

"_**I told you to go away. Dammit."**_ Darren said upset and exasperated.

"_**I won't."**_ You answered quietly although inside you were feeling sad.

"_**Oh fuck. Get out of here, goddammit. I don't want to see your face, I want to be alone. Is that so fucking hard to do?"**_ Darren said irked and rolling in bed to give you his back, still hugging his pillow.

You stood up and walked to a chair near the bed to sit there. Darren was still giving you his back, but you didn't change your mind. You weren't going to leave his bedroom even if it meant to be there in silence. Darren didn't talk to you anymore, but you stayed there sitting and looking at him. You didn't know how long the two of you were like that, in silence and not looking each other; but you knew it was for a very long time that seemed hours. You couldn't tell because even though you tried to keep your eyes open, you were very sleepy and impromptu, and unwittingly, you fell asleep on the chair. Suddenly, you felt something on your lap. You opened your eyes bemused and you saw that Darren was sitting on the floor, resting his head on your lap and wrapping his arms around your legs, his eyes closed. You looked at him and you started to caress his hair like before and this time Darren didn't pull your hand away; instead that, he sighed and buried his head on your lap while you started to feel how Darren's tears were falling down in your lap.

_**"I'm really sorry boo. I shouldn't have treated you..."**_ Darren started to say with choked voice, still with his head buried in your lap and his arms wrapped around your legs.

_**"No, it's alright. I got you."**_ You said reassuringly, kissing his head softly.

Finally Darren looked up to look at your face, more precisely into your eyes. He looked very wretched and bleak; his tears didn't stop falling down his face uncontrollably. You leaned to grab his cheeks and caress them with your thumbs while you kissed his forehead sweetly. Darren closed his eyes and he stroked his own face with your hand before kissing it slightly, still sobbing.

_**"Why are you always so fucking nice to me when all I do is to be a dick with you?"**_ Darren asked distressed, looking into your eyes with that tearful look.

_**"Because you're not a dick with me. You're only going through a very hard moment that took you unawares. I understand why you acted like that, I've been there, remember?"**_ You said smiling slightly, also looking into his eyes.

_**"Why did you not leave after the way I've treated you? You could've left, but you stayed here with me. No one has done it before."**_ Darren said, frowning for the effort he was doing to control his tears.

_**"Because although you were saying you wanted to be alone, that's not what you really wanted. You needed someone to be next to you, even though you were saying the opposite. You needed someone to be just there, regardless if that someone talks to you or not. And I wouldn't let you alone because I'm here to be your biggest pain in the ass."**_ You said jokingly and that made Darren laugh slightly in the midst of tears. You smiled at him and then you hugged him tightly.

"_**Thank you, for understand me and not leaving me alone on this."**_ Darren whispered in your ear before stop hugging you. _**"I can't believe she's gone. It's my entire fault. I told her to accompany me to the jewelry store. If I had not asked her so, she'd be here now. It's my fault; it's my fault that Sami now doesn't have any of her parents. Sami, boo! Why? Why the fuck is all of this happening? This is so damn unfair and I cannot stand it. I cannot bear to know that everything was my fault."**_ Darren said exasperated and dreary, his voice choked and hoarse.

"_**What? No, no, no. None of that was your fault, okay?"**_ You said firmly, looking into his eyes keenly. _**"It was something that no one was expecting to happen. If we have to blame someone, we have to blame those thieves. You didn't know that something like that would happen; it took you by surprise; you didn't know that those thieves were going to have guns and that they were going to shoot you. You did all you could, Darren; the doctors did all they could. So don't you dare to blame yourself again, because it's not your fault. And about Sami, we all are gonna find out what to do; we all are helping her to go through this moment. So please, don't feel guilty Dar. All of us know how wonderful person you're and we all know that you did all you could do in that moment."**_

"_**Is not that easy."**_ Darren said looking down, still distressed.

"_**Dar. Look at me."**_ You made Darren to look into your eyes. His look denoted sadness. _**"It isn't easy, nothing is easy. The whole situation isn't easy for anyone. But all of us still have each other. And I know that probably I don't feel the same that all of you because I wasn't very close, but I do know what it feels to lose someone you love. And I know you can keep moving if you have your loved ones to lean on and support each other. Nothing is your fault. I want you to understand it; no one thinks it's your fault Darren."**_ You said firmly and Darren nodded downhearted.

"_**Sami… What is she gonna do now? Who would take care for her? We all live in LA and she cannot leave NYC now, she has school, friends, and a life here. We cannot do that to her and we cannot move here because our work and all…and everything is a fucking mess."**_ Darren said frustrated, looking away and frowning to hold back his tears again.

"_**Darren…"**_ You said reassuringly and caressed his cheek. _**"We're gonna find out what to do with Sami. Any solution is going to happen. The fact is that Sami isn't alone; she has a lot of people who love her and who are willing to help her; including me. "**_

"_**I…I don't know…I…"**_ Darren said anguished.

"_**Dar, it has been a long day full of news. You should rest now; tomorrow we're gonna think about all of this. It isn't good for your health to worry this much now. Tomorrow, all together are gonna think about this, okay?" **_You said supportively and softly you kissed his lips.

"_**All right."**_ Darren said almost in a whisper.

Darren stood up and he went to the bed to lie down there. You also stood up and walked to where Darren was. You sat on the edge of the bed and you smiled at him before kissing his forehead. Darren smiled slightly back to you, looking into your eyes.

"_**Goodnight, Darren."**_ You whispered and smiled once again before stood up to leave his bedroom, but Darren grabbed your arm and stopped you.

"_**What? Are you not going to sleep with me?"**_ Darren asked muddled, frowning.

"_**Well…Uhm, I don't know…I mean, this is your bedroom and well, this isn't my house and your parents…"**_ You babbled awkwardly.

"_**Oh man…"**_ Darren laughed livelier by your comment. _**"My parents… Really? It's not like I'm twelve or something and my parents will cut my balls if they see me sleeping with my girlfriend."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow with a saucy smile.

"_**Yeah, I know, but still, Darren."**_ You said blushing and a little annoyed because of your embarrassment. _**"I don't think it'd be appropriate."**_

"_**Oh please! Not appropriate?"**_ Darren giggled slightly. _**"C'mon, what is wrong with my girlfriend sleeping with me? And I'm pretty sure that my parents know already that we slept together in the past."**_

"_**Darren…"**_ You looked at him serious.

"_**Agh!"**_ Darren groused and whimpered. Then he looked at you with his puppy dog eyes. _**"I just want you to sleep with me, just cuddling. Please?"**_

"_**But Darren…"**_

"_**Please. I don't wanna be alone."**_ Darren begged still looking at you with his puppy dog eyes.

"_**Sometimes I really hate you."**_ You said frowning but with a faint smile. Darren just smiled and pecked your lips.

"_**I love you too, boo."**_ Darren laughed in front of your lips and then he pulled you in bed.

"_**Wait, Darren. I need to get my pajama or something to sleep."**_ You said complaining a little.

"_**Oh c'mon, you don't need your pajama. You always can sleep without it."**_ Darren winked seductively and then laughed; you just looked at him raising an eyebrow. _**"Hey, don't look at me that way. Although I'd love that, I know you wouldn't feel comfortable. You can wear one of my shirts, like the last time I was in NYC."**_

"_**Fine."**_ You sighed and stood up to grab one of Darren's shirts that was on the floor. _**"Okay, turn around, I'm gonna change here."**_

"_**Why should I turn around?"**_ Darren asked naughtily, biting his lower lip.

"_**Darren…" **_You said applicant, looking intently at him.

"_**Ooookay, fine!"**_ Darren grumbled and turned away.

As soon as Darren turned around you took off your clothes to wear Darren's shirt and then sleep. You didn't finish putting on his shirt when you felt how Darren's arms wrapped around your waist and he started to kiss your shoulder slightly. Then he started to kiss your neck and you closed your eyes, he knew that was your weak point. You felt how he sighed against your neck.

_**"I missed so fucking much being like this with you."**_ Darren whispered in your ear and you turned your face to look at him and smile.

_**"I missed it too."**_ You said and kissed his lips softly.

Darren took advantage and placed his hands on your cheeks, deepening the kiss and leaning you on his bed. You placed your hands in his jaw line while Darren placed his hands this time on your bared waist, rubbing it slowly. You knew you shouldn't be doing this because you were going to be carried away soon if you didn't stop him; and you couldn't do that in that house with his family around. But you really missed being like this with Darren. The last time you were like this it was when you were in LA before the failed trip to the beach. Darren tangled his legs with yours and he started to rub his inner thigh with yours, stroking you slightly. Then Darren started to raise his hand from your waist to the underside of your bust and he moaned into the kiss, shoving his hips against yours. You needed to stop Darren because in a few minutes you wouldn't be able to contain yourself. You gently pulled Darren away, turning your face to stop kissing him. Darren buried his head on your shoulder, breathing fast, still on top of you.

_**"Sorry."**_ Darren said hoarsely and kissed your shoulder lightly before lie down next to you.

_**"No, don't apologize."**_ You said smiling and looking at him. _**"I liked it. It's just..."**_

_**"Not here, I know."**_ Darren interrupted you and then he giggled slightly. _**"Let me help you with that."**_ He got closer and helped you to put on his shirt properly. Then he looked into your eyes smiling and caressed your cheek sweetly. _**"Come here."**_ Darren said, extending his arms. You smiled and snuggled up to him as Darren wrapped his arms around you.

"_**Yes, and I missed this too."**_ You said smiling happily, and burying your head on his bare chest while Darren started to caress your hair. Then Darren lifted your chin to look into your eyes.

"_**I love you."**_ Darren said fondly with a twinkle in his eyes and he pecked your lips.

"_**I love you too."**_ You said smiling in front his lips and then you buried your head again on his chest.

The two of you stayed in silence for a while. You thought that Darren was already asleep, but you couldn't sleep at all. You were just very happy to be with Darren like this again, to have him back, and to know that he was alright and nothing wrong happened to him. Yes, he was still sad for all that happened to Lyla but you were going to help him to go through all of this. You were falling asleep when suddenly you heard Darren's voice, what made you shiver in surprise.

"_**There's something weird. Something that I cannot tell if it was a dream or not."**_ Darren whispered.

"_**What?"**_ You asked intrigued and confused.

"_**When I was at hospital, I heard some voices. One of those voices it was your voice. I know it was you because I could recognize the sound of your voice even if I can't see you. You were telling me something. But I don't know if I dreamed it."**_ Darren wondered and you got a little nervous. Maybe he heard it all, what you told him the first day you saw him in the hospital.

"_**Yeah? And what was that?"**_ You asked carefully.

"_**You were saying… you were telling me a lot of wonderful things. And also something like you were going to be always a pain in the ass and that I had a lot to mess around you yet. You told me…you told me some things that were really wonderful. And I wanted to hug you in that moment, but I couldn't move and I didn't want you to stop talking to me. I wanted to tell you that I loved you so fucking so much and that I was alright, that you were already helping me a lot because you were saying something that you wanted to help me even if you had to go against everything. But I couldn't talk and that freaked me out, because your voice…your voice sounded so…sad and bleak. It was really weird, it seemed so real."**_ Darren whispered again, hesitating while you widened your eyes. Definitely Darren had heard you that time_**. "Did you tell me something like that or it was just a dream? Because seriously, it was so effing weird."**_

"_**I…Uhm…Yeah."**_ You finally answered awkwardly. You still couldn't believe that Darren heard it all.

"_**Yes what?"**_ Darren looked into your eyes, vacillating.

"_**Yeah… I told you all that. It wasn't a dream. Woah, that's really weird. I wasn't sure you were listening to me."**_ You said, with wide eyes and raising your eyebrows.

"_**Thank you."**_ Darren looked at you with a twinkle in his eyes and fondly. _**"You have no idea the strength it gave me to move on. Your words… I knew I had to do my best to try to talk and move to be with you after all you told me. Thank you, because you made me feel loved, because I knew from that moment you love me as much as I love you."**_ Darren said with bright eyes and you didn't know what to tell him, he left you speechless. You just hugged him tight and started to shed some tears.

"_**Darren I'm so happy you're fine. I was freaking out, Darren! I didn't want to lose you, I wouldn't stand it. Darren…"**_ You said sobbing on his chest, you couldn't contain your tears any longer and Darren started to caress your hair again.

"_**Shh, it's all right, boo. You didn't lose me, did you?"**_ Darren said, smiling soothingly. _**"You know? Since the moment you told me it all, when I was unconscious, a lot of things changed inside me. For better. I wouldn't leave you ever, as you said, I have a lot to mess around you and I wouldn't miss it." **_Darren said giggling lightly and so did you, nodding. _**"I want to let you know how happy you make me too. And that's what I'm gonna do from now on. Now, I think we should sleep, tomorrow is gonna be a long day."**_

"_**Yes, that's right. Goodnight, Dar."**_ You whispered and kissed his lips softly.

"_**Goodnight, boo."**_ Darren said warmheartedly in front your lips and the two of you closed yours eyes. _**"And I heard all you told to Sami. It was the most magnificent and lovely thing I've ever heard."**_

* * *

"_**Sweethearts, it's time to wake up. I brought you breakfast."**_

You heard Cerine's voice next to you, but you thought you were dreaming. You were feeling really tired and exhausted and all you wanted to do was to sleep a little more in Darren's arms. It was the nicest feeling being in Darren's arms and feel the warmth of his bare chest. You didn't know how he did it, but every time Darren had his arms wrapped around you, you could feel very comfy and cozy. You wanted to stay like this all day long. You had your head buried in Darren's bare chest and he had his head buried in yours, holding you tight by your waist, his legs entwined with yours. When you dreamed Cerine's voice waking you up, Darren growled and he snuggled to you even closer, this time his lips brushed your forehead. Then you started to think how Darren could have reacted that way if Cerine's voice was only on your dream; maybe it wasn't a dream. You slowly opened your eyes and turned your face to see Cerine smiling and standing next to the bed with a tray with a cup of coffee, probably for you, and a glass with apple juice, probably for Darren; and some chip cookies. You quickly moved away from Darren because it was an awkward situation for you that Darren's mom was looking at you both sleeping together that way very close to each other. Darren growled again and he tried to wrap his arms around you again and to pull you closer, but you stopped him placing your hand on his chest to prevent him getting closer to you. That was the time Darren opened his eyes to look at you frowning and grouchy.

_**"Why are you pulling me away?"**_ Darren said hoarsely and pettishly, trying to snuggle to you again, but you stopped him again.

_**"Your mom is here, Darren. She brought us breakfast."**_ You whispered.

_**"Morning, mom."**_ Darren said hoarsely, looking up to see her mom and he smiled lazily. _**"It seems delicious. The coffee is for me, right?"**_ Darren said while you sit in bed.

_**"Of course not. The apple juice is for you, the coffee is for her."**_ Cerine said sweetly and giggling a little.

_**"Oh damn. I miss coffee. It wouldn't be that bad if I drink coffee only one time."**_ Darren grumped, burying his head on your lap and wrapping his arms around your hips while you blushed.

_**"Yes, it would. Alright, I'm gonna leave the tray here and feel free to have breakfast whenever you want, today we all have the day free." **_Cerine said, still smiling.

_**"Hmmm."**_ Darren moaned still with his head buried on your lap.

Cerine laughed and rolled her eyes before leaving the tray on the night stand and leave the bedroom. You looked at Darren frowning and you tried to pull him away so you could get up and change yourself before have breakfast, but Darren wrapped his arms around you tighter. You tried to pull him away again, but Darren pulled you to bed again, getting on top of you and grabbing your arms to prevent you from moving.

"_**What the hell are you doing?"**_ You asked a little grumpy and frowning.

"_**Why do you want to get away from me?"**_ Darren whispered in front your lips, touching them slightly. _**"Don't you want to be with me any longer?" **_He asked hoarsely and started to kiss all you neck slowly.

"_**Darren, stop it."**_ You said grumpy, trying to pull him away. _**"Those are bullshit. Darren, your mom was here, she brought us breakfast and you were acting all like that. You know it was a little awkward for me."**_

"_**Oh man, please!"**_ Darren laughed and looked at you amused. _**"It's my mom. She wouldn't think anything wrong or perverted if that is what worries you."**_ Darren said still laughing.

"_**I hate you when you're like this. You enjoy making fun of me, don't you?"**_ You said sharply, pulling him away roughly.

"_**Woah!"**_ Darren said looking at you surprised but still amused. _**"Yes, I do enjoy making fun of you. You have no idea how adorable you look when you're upset."**_ Darren said chuckling and pecking your lips.

"_**Ugh!"**_ You grumbled frowning.

"_**See? That's the most adorable expression ever." **_Darren said smiling amused and nuzzled his nose on your shoulder.

"_**Whatever."**_ You said upset.

You finally got up from bed to get the cup of coffee and you sat on bed, away from Darren. Darren was now sitting on bed, looking at you with a big amused smile. You ignored his look and you started to drink your coffee in silence. Darren got up from bed, walking in front of you to get his glass of apple juice. He walked slowly in front of you on purpose, so you could see his entire body almost naked. –_Asshole._ – You thought inside. He knew he had a great body and he knew you were used to look at him when you thought he wasn't looking at you. You loved his V-shape body. He was very sexy, even though he said he didn't work out you knew it was probably a damn lie. It wasn't possible to have a body with six pack stomach and well-toned arms and thighs if you don't work out. And there was Darren, showing off his body in front of you and you tried to look away. Instead that, you focused on your coffee trying to think in another thing. Then Darren stood behind your chair and he kneeled to rest his chin on your shoulder with a cocky smile.

_**"You cannot be mad at me for that."**_ Darren whispered in your ear seductively and you shivered, but you turned your face to not look at him, serious.

_**"Prove me."**_ You answered shortly.

_**"Hmm. You cannot be mad at me..."**_ Darren whispered again in your ear and he kissed your neck. _**"Because you love me." **_He said kissing your jaw line. _**"Because you like being with me like this."**_ He sucked your earlobe_**. "Because I'm adorable."**_ Darren pecked your lips. _**"And because I brought you a chip cookie."**_ He giggled softly showing you the chip cookie and looking at you with an adorable look.

"_**You're a goober, Darren."**_ You said laughing this time. You weren't expecting that, Darren was full of surprises and you loved that about him.

"_**I really could use a kiss from you now, you know."**_ Darren said, this time kneeling in front of you and placing his hands on your thighs to balance.

_**"Fine, only because you brought me a chip cookie."**_ You said giggling and you kissed his lips softly.

_**"That's offensive on so many levels."**_ Darren said, faking a pout. _**"I thought you kissed me because you loved me. Now I'm being cheated with a chip cookie."**_

_**"Oh shut up!"**_ You laughed loud.

_**"No until you tell me I'm better than the chip cookie you're eating now. You know, you could eat me instead the chip cookie." **_Darren smiled seductively and winked.

_**"Yeah? Can I eat you then?"**_ You raised an eyebrow, looking at him naughtily.

_**"Yeah, you can eat me."**_ Darren answered seductively and getting closer.

_**"Well, then..."**_ You slowly bit his lower lip hard. And Darren grimaced in pain, frowning.

_**"The fuck? That hurt!"**_ Darren said still frowning and rubbing his lower lip. _**"When I said you could eat me, I was saying it metaphorically."**_

_**"You didn't mention that. How would I know it?"**_ You said laughing softly but Darren was still frowning. _**"Okay, I'm sorry!"**_ You said kindly and pouting and gently you kissed his lips.

_**"Hmm, I forgive you if you kiss me again. Kiss me, not bite me."**_

_**"Deal."**_ You smiled and kissed his lips softly again.

The two of you kept teasing each other during all the breakfast that lasted for two hours. Darren seemed better than last night. After that both of you changed yourselves and decided to go to the living room, where probably everybody was. Indeed, there was everybody. Cerine and Bill were sitting next to each other on the couch and they were talking to Chuck who was sitting in another couch. But Grant and Sami weren't there; probably they went to the park or something to help Sami to think about something else. When you entered in the living room, everybody looked at you, smiling. The two of you sat on another couch and stayed silent.

"_**Woah, bro. You seem better today."**_ Chuck said amused. _**"I'm still wondering what powers she has to make you be totally different. I cannot believe you let her get into your bedroom and you never ever let us to get into your bedroom in our entire lives. I can tell who wears the pants in the relationship."**_ Chuck said laughing amused and you laughed along with him as Cerine and Bill did.

"_**Shut your fucking mouth. You're wearing me out, Chuck.**_ _**Yeah, you're totally a wearout, bro."**_ Darren said faking a serious face and nudging Chuck.

"_**Sure I am. It doesn't mean that she doesn't wear the pants in the relationship. Admit it, bro. It's so fucking obvious."**_ Chuck said smiling cockily.

_**"No Shit Sherlock! She's Creepy Carrie." **_Darren laughed and you looked at him raising an eyebrow. _**"Just kidding, boo."**_ Darren said adorably.

_**"Fuck yeah. She wears the pants in the relationship and Darren, she has you so fucking pussy whipped."**_ Chuck laughed again, amused.

_**"Can we change the subject now? Yeah, goddammit. She wears the pants in the relationship. Yeah, I'm totally hooked. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Okay? Fine."**_ Darren said a little annoyed but also amused.

_**"That's all I wanted to hear. Congratulations, mysterious girl. Now you're free to do whatever you want. Embrace it."**_ Chuck said looking at you and you nodded amused.

_**"Good advice, Chuck. Good advice. Thought you'd help your little and defenseless bro."**_ Darren said in disbelief.

_**"Defenseless? That shit had me Rolin', Darren."**_ Chuck said looking at Darren very intently and entertained.

_**"If you don't shut your mouth, I'm gonna grilla punch you, Chuck." **_Darren said showing him his fist, jokingly.

_**"All right, guys. Chill out or I'm gonna be the one slapping your heads."**_ Bill said amused and Darren and Chuck straightened in the couch very exaggeratedly, and you and Cerine guffawed.

Yes, you loved Darren's family. They all were very funny and they were also very supportive and friendly. Somehow you felt very comfortable around them. That was a simple moment, a very ordinary and usual moment for sure for Darren's family; but for you it was a special moment. You could feel how it'd be to be in a family meeting, just spending time with them naturally. You thought that maybe if your father was still alive, your family would've been like Darren's family. That moment was very special for you, because you were feeling as if you were in home with your family, even though they weren't your real family. You talked for a long time until all of you stayed silent; a silence that was interrupted by Darren.

"_**I'd like to go to Lyla's grave."**_ Darren said almost in a whisper, and looking down as all of you stayed in silence.

"_**Yes, honey. I think that's gonna be good for you."**_ Cerine said smoothly. _**"I could drive you there."**_

"_**No, no."**_ Darren said, waving his hand. _**"I'd like if you could come with me."**_ Darren said looking at you and placing a hand in your thigh and you raised your eyebrows in surprise.

"_**Y-yeah, sure."**_ You babbled stunned, feeling how Darren's family was staring at you.

"_**Thank you."**_ Darren said smiling slightly and he squeezed your thigh.

* * *

The way to the cemetery was long and very awkward because of the extremely silence. When you finally arrived there, you looked for Lyla's grave for a while. Once you found her grave, you walked towards there and Darren kneeled and put the bunch of flowers he bought. Then he sat on the ground cross-legged in silence and staring at the grave, deeply lost in thought. You didn't know what to do, if you should stay next to him or if you should leave him so you could give him some time alone. All of that was very awkward for you and you were feeling very uncomfortable. When you father died you were very little and you barely could understand what was happening, so you really needed someone by your side in that moment; but this was different because Darren wasn't a little kid and he probably would like to talk to Lyla and he needed privacy. You decided that maybe the best would be to leave him alone so he'd be able to say all those things he wanted to say to Lyla. Slowly and silently you leaned to kiss his head gently and then you turned around to leave him, but Darren grabbed your hand and looked up to you with teary eyes. He looked gloomy and distressed and he was looking at you with a pleading look.

_**"Stay with me, please."**_ Darren begged; his voice choked. _**"Sit next to me, I really need you."**_

You nodded and sat next to him, holding his hand tightly. Darren leaned his head to rest it on your shoulder. You started to feel how Darren's tears were falling on your shoulder and you started to stroke his hair sweetly. That wasn't an awkward silence any longer. It was a silence of respect and understanding. You knew how hard and rough this moment meant to Darren and you were there to let him know he wasn't alone and you were going to be with him whenever he needed it. You felt how Darren was breathing fast and how he was gulping, trying to contain himself so he'd be able to talk.

_**"I miss you."**_ Darren finally said with choked voice and looking at Lyla's grave. _**"If you could see me right now you'd yell at me, I'm sure. You'd say -Darren Everett, what the hell is wrong with you? **_**You're crying worse than a baby scared. What are you? Two?-**_** Yeah, you always calling me Darren Everett."**_ Darren laughed sadly amid the sobs. You just stared at him in silent, still holding his hand tightly. _**"I wish you were here to make me those reprimands that you were used to make. I'm sorry, Lyla. I'm sorry because if I hadn't asked you to go with me to that stupid store, now you'd here with us. Now Sami would be with you. I wish I could change the past, but I fucking can't and that frustrates me. I can't believe you're gone. I can't accept it. It seems yesterday the last time we talked, you remember all I told you the last time we talked? I told you that I love you and you were the person that makes me put my feet on the ground. It didn't change. You...you've helped me a lot all my life Lyla and I don't fucking know what I'm gonna do now I don't have you. I try to pretend to be strong, I try to stay strong in front of everybody; but I can't. The truth is that I'm so fucking lost without you, I'm desolate. And I don't have any idea of how things are gonna keep going from now on, now that you aren't here. How all the people who loved you are gonna move on, how Sami is gonna move on. I don't know what's going to happen with Sami and that freaks me out, she's so little. And all of this is because I asked you to come with me that day. I'm so sorry."**_ Darren broke into tears and you only rubbed his back reassuringly. Darren looked at you and he kissed your cheek before resting his head again on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you. _**"Do you remember what else I told you? That I was in love and that finally I found someone who truly makes me happy but I was scared of all the intense feelings I was feeling? You encouraged me, remember? You also gave an advice. You made me promise you something. Now, more than ever, I'm gonna keep that promise. And I'm not gonna do it only because of me, I'm gonna do it because of you too. Because it was the last thing you asked me to do and you were always right, always. I want to thank you all you did for me, I wanna thank you all the moments we lived together, I wanna thank you because you were always there when I needed it the most. I wanna thank you because you helped me to grow up with all your wise advices. Because you were my cousin, but you were my best friend also. And I won't forget you, Lyla. I'm gonna keep you alive in my heart, no matter how cheesy it sounds; it's gonna be like that. I love you, Lyla."**_ Darren said, still sobbing uncontrollably.

Darren leaned to kiss Lyla's grave and you just kept staring at him, also shedding some tears. What Darren said to Lyla was very intense, sincere and whole-souled. You never heard anyone talking to a grave, this was the very first time and it broke your heart to see that the man who you loved was the one who was doing it. You finally understood all Lyla meant to Darren. Lyla was a huge loss for Darren and you knew all of this wasn't easy for Darren. You knew that Darren wouldn't be like before after his loss, he wouldn't be the same. But it was up to him if that change would be for worse or better; but you were going to help him to make that change for better. In that moment you promised to yourself that you weren't going to leave him alone and that you were going to stand by him whenever he needed it, no matter what your relationship would come to be. Even if in the future you break up because of any reason, you'd still stand by him; because in that moment you saw a side of Darren you've never seen. You saw a really open-hearted side of him, the real him. And he was the most flawless, kindest, nicest and most lovely person you've ever met. You had in front of you the man you've been looking for all your life. And it wasn't because he was Darren Criss, that famous and talented man, known worldwide; it was because he was the man you always dreamed to have next to you, like the prince in those fairy tales that you stopped believing when bad things started to happen to you. And maybe Darren wasn't perfect, but he was perfect to you. Finally Darren turned away to look at you, still with teary eyes. You smiled slightly at him and hugged him tight; letting him know by your embrace all the love you were feeling for him.

_**"Thank you, for being here with me in this moment."**_ Darren said hoarsely and with choked voice, still hugging you. Then he looked deeply into your eyes. It was a new kind of look, like a dreamy look despite the sadness he was feeling for his loss. **_"You have no idea how you changed my life; I never thought I could feel this way with someone. It's like I want to hold on to you and never let you go, because you're…the best thing ever happened to me. I'm not lying; I don't even know how to explain it. You make me feel…safe. I'm head over heels in love with you."_**

_**"Me too, Darren. I love you, so much."**_ You whispered, looking deeply into his eyes.

Darren nodded with teary eyes and he leaned to kiss your lips. It was a new kind of kiss. It was soft and short, wet because he had been crying; but it was a perfect kiss, that put up all you were feeling; and the two of you were feeling something unique and inexplicable, but you knew what you were feeling was real.

"_**The promise I talked about…"**_ Darren said lost in your eyes. _**"The promise involves you, and I'm gonna do it. That promise is gonna change a lot of things and I don't know if everything is gonna work out, I don't know if everything is gonna come to happen as I want. But I made this promise that involves both of us, and I'm ready to take the next step and start to fulfill the promise."**_


	7. Chapter 7

_Darren and you had to go through very rough moments lately; rough moments that could change your relationship. There's a very important decision that has to be taken, a decision that could affect your relationship. The point is if those moments and that decision are going to make your relationship stronger, or if those moments and that decision are going to destroy it completely. Maintaining a relationship is very complicated and is much more complicated when different obstacles are interposed in the relationship: unfortunate events, distance, encounters and disagreements with others. Even your relationship is affected by the fact that Darren isn't an ordinary person. Would you be able to accept the fact that you'd never have a normal relationship with Darren? Would you be able to give up all the normal things that a couple should do? Would be able to withstand the encroachments of others in your relationship? Sometimes the difficulties on a relationship could make it grow stronger; but sometimes those difficulties can screw everything. You're the only ones who are able to make it work. Would you be able to do so? Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 7.**

* * *

After a few minutes that took for Darren to say goodbye to Lyla; the two of you went back to the car to come back to Lyla's house. Even though Darren was feeling really bad, he drove to Lyla's house since you couldn't drive. The way to her house was quiet and no one of you talked. Darren didn't mention you what that promise was about and you didn't want to ask him because probably he wanted to keep it as a secret, as something private. The truth was that you were really intrigued to know what that promise was about; you didn't know if it was something good or bad, something nice or not; you didn't know if you should feel happy, relaxed, nervous or scared. Darren has told you that promise would change a lot of things and that freaked you out a little, because you thought that now you were fine, despite all the bad moments and situations that had happened. You honestly didn't want thing between the two of you to change; because even Darren said he didn't know if things would work out. And he and Lyla had talked about you, and you wondered what about. This was an odd situation and you couldn't stop thinking about all you heard; but you couldn't ask anything to Darren, because you knew Darren had a lot of things in his mind after all the things that had happened, all the things that were happening and all the things that would happen from now on. Actually, if you stopped to think about it, you were being a little selfish because all you wanted to know was about that promise and all that Darren and Lyla had talked about you, while Darren was going through a lot of shit that recently happened. That was bad; Darren was the one who needed you, who needed your help and who needed you to stand by him; this wasn't about you and you desire to know all about the promise, this was about Darren and his feelings right now. You looked at Darren slyly, he was better than last night, but he still had a very heartbroken and woebegone look; even though he wanted to pretend he was alright. But you knew he wasn't fine, that look of how he was really feeling and what he was feign to feel made you remind to yourself years ago. He didn't want to show you how he was really feeling, not because he wanted to lie to you; but because he didn't want you to worry; and that was the difference between him and you years ago. Darren was deep in his thoughts, focused on the road but you knew he was thinking about something else. You kept staring at him fixedly and suddenly Darren turned his gaze to look at you and he smiled slightly, a soft and warm smile but with a hint of gloom; you smiled back at him and then he returned his gaze to the road. After several minutes, you finally arrived to Lyla's house and you didn't even exchange a word. Darren stopped the car in front of her house, but he didn't get out of the car. He stayed sitting there in driver seat, looking through the windshield, silent and frowning with the same bereaved look. You also stayed there, sitting in the passenger seat, looking to nowhere, silent and biting your lower lip because this was a little uncomfortable situation. Probably Darren was trying to control himself and trying to feel any better to not worry his family. Darren suddenly rested his forehead in the steering wheel, looking down, and sighed. You looked at him, still in silence and slowly you rubbed his back. His body was tense and he didn't look up to you. Darren's body started to shake almost imperceptible and you felt how he started to breathe faster. You thought he was starting to panic so you gently kissed the back of his head and hugged him, while he was still with his forehead resting in the steering wheel and looking down; with his hands steady on the steering wheel. You couldn't understand why Darren started to panic if he wasn't like that minutes ago. Yes, he was very sad but he wasn't panicking. You didn't even know why he was panicking instead crying, that would be more normal judging by the situation. Maybe because of something he was thinking while he was driving, but you didn't know what the reason was and you didn't want to push him to tell you what was going on.

"_**I'm so freaked out to get into the house now. Because of everything."**_ Darren finally said, his voice trembling almost in a whisper. You only looked at him in silence, still rubbing his back gently. _**"Because everything in that house is gonna remind me of her, of all the moments we had together, all of our memories. And I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get there without feeling down. And because of Sami. If I get to meet her there now, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to say a fucking word. What would Sami think of me? I'm the damn uncle who killed her mommy and who didn't say a shit about it all these days since I woke up because I didn't know a damn shit about all of this. She'd be thinking I'm careless and an ass for not being with her, for not telling her anything at all. And I don't want Sami to think that about me, because she's Sami and I love her so much. You have no idea how this makes me feel, it's like falling apart from one of the people I love with all my heart. And picturing the idea that maybe she thinks I killed Lyla... Oh dammit, that kills me, is hell."**_ Darren said exasperated, this time his entire body was trembling besides his voice.

You didn't want to interrupt him so you just kept silent looking at him, feeling how your heart was heartbroken because finally he was saying out loud all he was feeling within his heart and mind all this time. Darren was still resting his forehead in the steering wheel but this time he put his hands in his head, tugging his curls softly in exasperation. You heard how he was weeping in silence but you couldn't tell if it was because of sadness, exasperation, anger, frustration or fear; maybe it was a mix of it all. He stayed in silence for a while, inhaling and exhaling fast, trying to regain control of himself. You only kept rubbing his back with all the love and softness you could give him. You really didn't want Darren to feel this way, because frankly it wasn't his fault and he couldn't see it in that way. He kept blaming himself of everything and you didn't know what else to do to change his mind. But on the other hand, you knew how he was feeling; how he was thinking everything was his fault; because that was what you felt all your life until recently when you met your mother after a lot of years without seeing each other. And Darren didn't deserve to feel that way because he was the most soft-hearted person you've ever met. And you knew that the most probably was that Sami wasn't thinking so about her uncle. But you first needed Darren to vent all his feelings because you knew that if he didn't say it all now, he'd never say it loud again and he'd keep it for himself; and because maybe that way he'd feel better. So you just stayed silent, but staring at him fixedly and intently. Darren finally took a breath.

_**"And I'm so lost like never before. I don't have a damn idea of what is gonna happen and that freaks me out like hell. Sami isn't alone; I know she has all of us. But we can't...we can't take care of her like she needs and more right now. And everything sucks. She is so little, why is this happening to her? She doesn't fucking deserve all of this. And I feel so damn powerless because everything is out of control; because everything is a mess and I can't see how this is gonna work out. And the days keep passing by and we don't have any idea of what to do with Sami, with all of this. Days keep passing by and we keep pretending that nothing is going on, because we all are powerless, because no one of us has the answer of what to do. We're just fooling around because no one of us knows what to do, because no one of us can take the responsibility of her. And I need to do it, after all this was my fault, but I can't because I'm always so fucking busy and that sucks. And I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking lost. I can't take this, I can't help it, I can't do this. I'm trying to figure out something to do, but I can't find it out. I feel useless, powerless, a dumbass and a dimwit. I'm a complete dick. How long is this gonna take me to find out what to do? How damn long?"**_ Darren almost yelled in anger, banging his own head on the steering wheel while you widened your eyes and tried to stop him hurting himself.

You finally grabbed his cheeks to make him look at you and as you did this, Darren buried his face on your chest and wrapped his arms around your waist, starting to mourn inconsolably. You got surprised by his reaction for a few seconds and then you held him tight, caressing his hair softly trying to calm him down. Seeing him being so gloomy and wretched broke your heart and you also wanted to start crying, but you contained yourself because he needed you to be strong and you to help him through all of this. You gulped and held back your tears to grab his cheeks again and look into his eyes. Darren was trying to avoid your look because apparently he didn't want you to see him this weak and mournful; but you lifted his chin so now his eyes met yours. You kissed his temple tenderly and caressed his cheek as Darren frowned as a result of the effort he was making not to mourn even harder, looking down again. You lifted his chin again and he got lost into your eyes, shedding tears.

_**"Please, don't stop looking at me, Dar."**_ You said consolingly and smoothly while Darren nodded. _**"I won't tell you not to feel bad, because feeling bad at this moment is completely normal and that person who tells you that you're a dick for feeling this way, is a damn jerk, because obviously can't understand what are you going through right now. But I'm gonna tell you that even though it ain't easy, you're gonna get over it, you're gonna find out the answer and you're not a dick only because you don't know what to do right now. It's normal to feel lost now, because noticeably you weren't expecting none of this, because you never pictured that something like that was going to happen to you or Sami. When in the midst of our lives, something unexpected comes to happen, that thing destabilizes us making us feel completely lost and powerless; and that's the moment when everything turns into a complete mess that is beyond our control. You're not a dick for feeling that way, I'd say the opposite; that you're a kind-hearted person who really cares about that one you love, otherwise you wouldn't feel lost and frustrated, not knowing what to do."**_ Darren shook his head and looked away again, but you gently forced him to look into your eyes again. _**"Heartedly, is like that. If you can't find out the answer of what to do from now on, we'll find it together; you'll find out the answer with me and your family, but don't carry all of this upon your shoulders by your own. Because none of this is your fault, you need to understand this, Darren. Again none of this is your fault, it was a terrible accident caused by some assholes; not by you but those thieves. Sami is not gonna think that Lyla's death was your fault, she's not gonna think that you don't care about her. She knew your situation as well, and I can assure that she's actually very happy to see that her uncle is still here with her. So don't draw your own fast conclusions, because you actually don't know it. She's gonna understand why you didn't talk to her yet; she might be very young, Dar, but she isn't stupid, she's the smartest little girl I've ever met, I can assure it. She's gonna understand."**_ You said fondly, caressing his cheek while Darren was still looking into your eyes, chilling out. _**"If I could say something, it'd be that you don't have to rush making a decision as important as this. I know that we'll figure out something. I know, it's gonna be hard and rough at first, and we have to consider Sami's desires also. This is something that has to be talked and thought, and rushing things will lead us to make a wrong decision. Whatever the decision is gonna be, I know it's gonna be the best you could do, and it's gonna work out because we're gonna make it work. Don't push yourself, don't carry all this for yourself; you have a family, a wonderful and supportive one; and all of you, together, are gonna make it through. Don't close yourself, it will get you nowhere; let other people to help you, after all they're feeling something similar to what you're feeling. So remember, it's not your fault and you're gonna make it with a help from your family and if you let me, from me. But don't think you're alone on this, we all are with you and we all think you're an extraordinary person. Remember it, Dar."**_ You said fondly, looking deeply into his eyes as you caressed his cheek tenderly while Darren closed his eyes, shedding a few last tears.

_**"Thanks and sorry. Thanks for being with me in this rough moment for me, for being so understanding, for saying me all that I need to hear, for being so caring, warm and marvellous, for stand by me even though I'm a mess acting like a lost child, for making me see that nothing is hopeless and that I have someone to lean on. And sorry because you have to stand my childish behaviour, because only one thing happened to me let me so down and you, you that had been through things like this and even worse, you remain strong and I shouldn't be feeling so down only because one bad thing. Sorry because I couldn't fully understand you before, because I didn't do my best to make you feel in the way you're making me feel now. Now I have a little clue how you felt all your life and sorry because I haven't tried enough to make you feel as loved as you're making me feel now. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything you gave me. Because you gave me all that anyone gave me before. Yes, I had my family, but this is different, because you don't have even to worry about this, but you care; and you truly care. I...I'd be so lost right now if I didn't have you here!"**_ Darren sobbed again, holding you tight and burying his head on your shoulder.

_**"Dar, you always made me feel loved. You have no idea all you did for me; you changed my life for good, literally talking. You made me be the person I am now, you showed me the point of life. So don't say sorry. You don't have to be sorry because there's nothing to apologize for. The opposite, I'm so thankful for all you did, because all you did means a lot to me. And I'm the one who's grateful to stand by you in this moment, and you can be sure I'm gonna stand by you always because you are very important to me and all I want is to see you happy. I don't care about anything else."**_ You said heartily and fondly, kissing Darren's forehead. _**"Once you told me that you got my back, now I'm telling you, I got your back."**_

You lifted Darren's chin and you kissed his lips tenderly and softly. Then he looked at you and he outlined a smile while you wiped away his tears, smiling back at him. You were feeling good because you were making feel any better the man you loved. Now, more than ever, you wanted to give him back all the love he gave you. You wanted to give him back all the encouragement he gave you to move on; that was the most important for you. And above all, you wanted to let him now that as long as you were next to him, you won't let him feel down and alone. Yes, it was a rough situation and you also didn't know what would happen; but you didn't lie to him when you said that it was going to be a thing that only together would be possible to make it work. And you were there, to help him in whatever the decision would be and whatever it'd take to make it through.

You finally went out of the car after few minutes hugging each other. Before getting into the house, Darren stood in front of the door and he started to breathe fast. You held his and when he looked at you, you smiled at him encouragingly. Then Darren took a deep breath and opened the door. As soon as he opened the door and you both got into the house, Sami came running to Darren and she hugged him tight by his legs. Darren kneeled and hugged Sami very tight. He couldn't help it any longer, he started to shed tears while caressing her hair and kissing her head repeatedly. You stood there, watching at them both and you tried to contain all your feelings to not cry with emotion. You nodded with a smile automatically because you knew how much that hug meant to Darren and how much he needed it.

_**"Sami...Sami..."**_ Darren sobbed with choked voice, trying to control himself. _**"I'm sorry Sami, I'm so sorry."**_

_**"Why are you crying, uncle Dare? And why are you saying sorry?"**_ Sami said sweetly.

You didn't know if you should stay there or leave. Maybe the best idea would be to leave so that way Darren and Sami would have a little time alone to talk and show their love. But when you were about to leave, Sami grabbed your hand.

_**"You shouldn't cry, uncle Dare. I think that auntie Ari should tell you the story about the little princess and the pink rabbit."**_ Sami said smiling lovingly.

_**"What...what story?"**_ Darren wiped away his tears, looking at you confused and frowning as you blushed.

_**"A story...uhm that once I told Sami." **_You said shyly as Sami smiled widely, nodding.

_**"What's it about?"**_ Darren asked more calmed know as he sat on the floor, cross legged still holding Sami. Sami tugged your pants to tell you to sit on the floor also and you did so.

_**"Tell him the story, auntie. I think he should know it, then he's not gonna cry anymore."**_ Sami said convincingly.

_**"Yeah, tell me the story."**_ Darren said intrigued and he stopped crying, caressing Sami's hair.

You blushed again because it was a story that popped on your mind that day, but both Sami and Darren were expecting you to tell that story. You tried to remember it, because this was the least you could do for them both; even though it was a little embarrassing for you. But you knew that story helped Sami somehow and telling the story again would make feel Sami well again and maybe it could make feel Darren well too, although it was a fantasy story for a child. You started to tell the story again, starting with the little princess crying alone because the queen went to the Heaven Kingdom and how the pink rabbit came where the princess was to tell her that the fact the queen was in the Heaven Kingdom while the princess was in the Earth Kingdom didn't mean that they were fall apart, that it didn't mean that the little princess was alone, because she'd always have a friend in the Earth Kingdom to hold her hand and stand by her until the day she joins the Heaven Kingdom once she lived all she had to live and that meanwhile the queen was going to watch over the little princess from the Heaven Kingdom. You emphasized the part where the rabbit told the princess that she would never be alone because she was loved and the rabbit would be always stand by her and the queen would always watch over her, wanting the little princess to be happy until their reunion. When you finished the story, Sami was smiling widely and happily and Darren was looking at you with a tearful look. But it wasn't a sad tearful look, it was a poignant tearful look. He was looking into your eyes with a fondly smile, he was looking at you lovingly, gratefully, soulfully, thrilled and touched. He muttered thanks, moving his lips but soundlessly while you nodded smiling at him and looking down, trying to hold back your tears. You didn't know why you were feeling this moved, but you couldn't help it; this was a situation that meant a lot to you, because you were feeling that finally you were making someone happy, because you finally realized that you actually mean a lot to some people; it was a feeling you never felt before, and it was a good feeling. You bit your lips to contain your crying and Darren grabbed your hand as soon as he realized you were trying to do so.

_**"Isn't it a good story, uncle? That's why you don't have to cry. Because you'll always have a rabbit to be next to you and the queen is gonna watch over you. I say that my auntie Ari is my rabbit. I know she's gonna stand by me whenever I feel sad, and that's what she did all this time. Auntie Ari could be your rabbit too, but we should add the prince, because I'm the princess and my mommy is the queen."**_ Sami said still smiling and Darren widened his eyes as soon as he heard all Sami said how she understood the point of the story so fast.

_**"Yes. It's the most wonderful, fabulous and lovely story I've ever heard."**_ Darren said looking at Sami tenderly and the he looked at you with a twinkle in his eyes. _**"Would you be my rabbit too?"**_ Darren said sweetly with a choked voice, thrilled and looking deeply into your eyes, his look tearful.

_**"Yes, I would."**_ You smiled at him, with a tearful voice very touched.

_**"Auntie Ari is the best rabbit, uncle. You won't regret."**_ Sami said, hugging you and you again made a hard effort to hold back your tears.

_**"I know I won't. She always had been the best rabbit, but every day the rabbit surprises me with her adorableness and charm."**_ Darren said, squeezing your hand still looking at you with twinkly eyes while you turned your face, so neither Sami nor Darren would see you shedding some tears. Darren realized that you were shedding some tears and he leaned to whisper something in your ear. _**"You're wonderful."**_

* * *

After a few hours you shared with Sami and Darren, you decided to take Sami to bed because it was already very late. You stayed with her in her bedroom until she fell asleep. Then, quietly and trying to not make any noise, both of you left her bedroom. Right after Darren closed the door, he turned around to wrap his arms around you and to rest his forehead on yours, nuzzling his nose with yours, with a sweet smile on his face and staring at your eyes.

"_**That you told Sami...that was the most precious and unselfish thing that someone could have ever done."**_ Darren whispered in front your lips, still moved. _**"That was the most touching story I've ever heard. And you did it without expecting anything in return. It's overwhelming and unbelievable how your story helped Sami to move on, to let her know that she isn't alone and that she needs to be happy because there are still a lot of things to be happy about. You're an extraordinarily amazing and charming person. You did all I probably I couldn't have done, even though you didn't have to. You have no idea how thrilled I'm feeling right now and how happy I am to be here with you, like this. I thought I couldn't love you more than I already did, but once again you proved me that I was wrong. You have that something that makes me fall deeply in love with you; it's almost insane all I feel for you, but I do know that this is the best feeling I've ever had. I can frankly say that I'm madly in love with you."**_ Darren said with choked voice as he kissed you softly but intensely, still wrapping his arms around your waist.

You felt as if your legs suddenly turned into jelly because of all the emotion you were feeling. You shed some tears during the kiss, but those were tears of joy and thrill. You never thought something like this would ever happen to you, in the shitty life you were living about a year ago. But this was actually real, and you knew it. All you had to live in your past didn't matter because all that mattered was what you were living now, because that was stronger than anything you've lived. You wanted to say a lot of things to Darren, you wanted to let him know all this meant to you, how he changed for better every single thing of your life, and how you were being really happy. But you couldn't utter a word because you had a lump in the throat and because suddenly Chuck popped into the corridor.

"_**Here you are guys."**_ Chuck said a little agitated. _**"I've been looking for you around the entire house. Darren, we're all in the dining room, we're gonna talk about what we're gonna do with Sami. We need you there."**_

"_**Uhm. Yes, sure. Just...give a minute."**_ Darren said, getting a little edgy.

"_**Of course. See you there, bro."**_ Chuck said nodding and he left.

Darren started to squeeze his own hands; obviously because of the nerves he was feeling right now. You slowly grabbed his hands with both of your hands, looking at him.

_**"Chill out, Darren. It's gonna be fine, okay? You were just going to talk and you're gonna try to make the best decision."**_ You said reassuringly and Darren nodded.

_**"Yes. Yes, that's right. It's gonna be fine, sooner or later we would have to talk about this. And it's a good moment."**_ Darren said, trying to convince himself.

_**"Yes, that's right."**_ You said smiling kindly at him and he tried to smile back at you despite the fact he was freaking out.

Darren turned away and started to walk towards the dining room and you stood there, thinking that maybe you could wait for him in the bedroom. Suddenly Darren turned around again to look at you.

_**"C'mon, let's go."**_ Darren said frowning, still nervous.

_**"I think the best is gonna be if I don't interrupt you. You know, it's a family decision."**_ You said a little uncomfortable. You weren't expecting to go; you thought it wouldn't be appropriate.

_**"What? No, no, no."**_ Darren shook his head and he approached you, grabbing your hand. _**"Please, come with me. You're part of the family, right? Yes you are. Please, come with me."**_ Darren said pleading.

"_**Darren...I don't know. I don't want to butt in, it's something private. Really...I don't want to be meddler."**_ You said uncomfortable not only because it wasn't your business but because Darren was like begging you.

_**"You won't be meddler."**_ Darren said frowning. _**"After all you did for Sami, you deserve to be there. You're not any random person, you're my girlfriend. You have the same rights to be there as any member of our family would have, and more considering what you mean to Sami. And also I need my girlfriend with me out there. Please, come."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes, still holding your hand.

_**"Fine, I'll go. But what if..."**_ You started to say nervous and insecure.

_**"None of that what if. They wouldn't mind to have you there. I told you, you're part of the family."**_ Darren said firmly and you nodded, looking down.

Darren pecked your lips before leading you to the dining room. When you got into the room, you automatically regretted. You were feeling like a totally meddler. Cerine, Bill, Chuck and Grant were looking at both of you, in silence. You knew you shouldn't be there, but always Darren seemed to convince you somehow. You looked down, trying to avoid their gaze and Darren had to lead you to the table where both of you sat. Once you sat down, next to Darren, you looked at your lap, moving your hands nervously and interlocking your fingers under the table while Darren placed a hand on your thigh and squeezed it softly.

"_**Hi guys. We were waiting for you."**_ Bill said, smiling warmly at both of you. The fact he spoke to you two, made you feel a little better.

"_**Yeah, sorry about that. We didn't know we were going to have this talk now."**_ Darren said, looking at his dad.

"_**Yes, well honey. It was time; soon we all have to leave NYC. You..."**_ Cerine said kindly, looking at Darren and Grant. _**"To go to LA; and us to go to San Francisco."**_

"_**Yeah, right."**_ Darren said nodding and frowning, this time looking down. "_**What's gonna happen to Sami? I mean... she's in school now and well, she has a life here. It'd be really hard for her to lose the life she's having here beside her recent loss. We cannot do that to her, we cannot take her away from here."**_ Darren said concerned and nervous.

"_**Yes honey. But she cannot stay here any longer. No one of us can stay in NYC. Maybe it's gonna be good for Sami to restart everything in a different place."**_ Cerine said, still kindly.

"_**Or maybe not. She's a little girl; she cannot be separated from everything familiar, from all she has here. It could be the worst thing we could do to her in this moment."**_ Darren said frowning and starting to lose control.

"_**Darren, we have no options. Yes, maybe if Sami stays here would be the best, at least until she finishes this school year. But again, none of us can stay here."**_ Bill said firmly.

"_**I could stay here, actually."**_ Grant said _**"But I wouldn't have the time to be with her full time. And when I get work in LA, I'd have to travel and that would complicate things, because Sami would have school, because she would have to travel all the time. I don't know if it'd be a good idea if she stays with me."**_ Grant said frowning and biting his lower lip.

"_**I couldn't stay here. You know we have to travel a lot with the band, and the rehearsals."**_ Chuck said a bit sad.

"_**Exactly. None of us would have the time to be with Sami full time as she would need. That's why your dad and I were thinking to take her to San Francisco with us."**_ Cerine said.

"_**I can't believe this shit."**_ Darren said a little upset and in disbelief. _**"Has anyone considered what Sami would like?"**_ Darren asked sharply and no one answered. _**"That's what I thought."**_ Darren said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"_**So why do you not stay here, Darren?"**_ Chuck said, upset because of Darren's reaction and stubbornness. _**"Yeah right. Work. You have to work in LA. Just like all of us. Darren, we all would like to consider what Sami would really like, but if she wants to stay here, no one of us would be able to do it. So we have to think about something we actually can do. It's not because we don't care about what she feels or what she thinks. It's the opposite. It's because we care about her why we think the best idea is if she goes with mom and dad to San Francisco, only for the fact that no one can stay here."**_

"_**Oh dammit, that's crap."**_ Darren said upset. _**"Do you have any idea of how bad Sami would feel? Try to picture it, for god sake! She has already been through a lot of things that a little girl like her shouldn't have experienced and now you all want to add this. She's gonna go down and she shouldn't feel like that ever. Try to fucking understand it."**_ Darren said, raising his voice and now losing his complete control.

_**"No, you try to understand, Darren."**_ Chuck said, also raising his voice as everybody else looked down. _**"You're the most stubborn guy ever, dammit. If no one can stay here… What's your solution for the problem? Tell me. I'm waiting for your answer. You know what? You don't have an answer, because there's no answer. Because inside you know that's not possible."**_

Darren looked away, tensing his jaw because of the anger and frustration he was feeling. Chuck was right, if no one could stay here with Sami, there would be no options for them and Darren was being a little stubborn about all of this because he couldn't see their point of view. But at some point Darren was right also, because probably it wouldn't be the best for Sami if she would have to move to San Francisco and start there a complete new life away from her friends and actual school; everything would be a huge and sudden change and maybe she wouldn't be able to handle it; at least not now when her loss was very recent. You actually had a solution, but you didn't want to say it loud because it'd be very inappropriate since this wasn't up to you and you couldn't take part of this decision. But the Criss brothers were starting to argue and fuss and for what you knew about them, neither of them would give up on what they were thinking and that would end up in a bad way. Maybe you could only suggest your idea, but you weren't sure and maybe they'd think you were a meddlesome who's getting into something that wasn't your business; but on the other hand it could help to calm down the tense situation. You closed your eyes and sighed before making a decision that maybe would screw up all you got until now for being considered an intrusive.

"_**Sami could stay with me."**_ You almost whispered shyly and blushing hard.

You were insecure of what you were saying; not insecure because you didn't want Sami to stay with you, you wanted that actually; but insecure because you didn't know how the Criss family would take it. Everybody in the room looked at you stunned and completely surprised; not only because you finally talked but because what you just said. You blushed even more and you wanted to run away because you couldn't tell what they were thinking right now. Maybe it was a bad idea saying it. Darren next to you raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes, completely in shock. The rest of the Criss family was looking at you still astonished and frowning slightly, just like Grant. Darren looked at his family intently and then he looked at you again, but you were looking at your lap again, trying to disappear from there. Then Darren grabbed your hand and he lifted your chin with his free hand.

_**"What did you say, boo?"**_ Darren asked gently and carefully while you heart started to beat at full speed. You were officially freaking out.

"_**I…I said…what I meant…I don't want to seem…I…"**_ You started to stutter and your entire body started to shake; you were feeling how your body temperature began to increase and you started to sweat because of your nervousness.

"_**Cool it."**_ Darren said sweetly and soothingly, squeezing your hand.

"_**I shouldn't have said anything, sorry. I don't want to be a snoopyfreak. I'm sorry; I know this isn't my business."**_ You said totally embarrassed and feeling really nosy. The Criss family was still looking at you very intently and fixedly.

"_**No, no, no. It's alright. I just want to know if what I heard was right. You almost whispered it. What did you say?"**_ Darren asked again very gently.

"_**I said that Sami could stay with me. I live here, in NYC and it wouldn't be a problem for me. But I'm sorry; I know it was completely inappropriate." **_You said looking down and abashed of yourself while Darren looked away for a moment, frowning and resting his forehead on his hand and he looked at you again with a tearful look.

"_**Would you really do it?"**_ Darren asked trying to control his choked voice and you just nodded shyly. _**"Right."**_ Darren said with choked voice and a tearful look, resting his forehead on your shoulder and wrapping an arm around you.

"_**Sweetheart, you can't do it."**_ Cerine said nicely and softly, looking at you.

"_**I know. It was completely inappropriate and I shouldn't be even here because I'm not part of the family. I shouldn't be this meddlesome. I'm so sorry."**_ You said ashamed, looking down.

"_**No, it's not because of that. You're considered part of the family and your opinion is a legit as the opinion of everybody who's here. The point is that we don't want to bug you. It's a big responsibility and we don't want to get you in any kind of trouble."**_ Cerine said kindly and sincerely.

_**"You know, you're a wonderful person for offering this. But my mom is right. We don't want to bug you, you'd been through a lot already and you don't have to take this responsibility."**_ Darren said, looking up to you and resting his chin on your shoulder, still with that tearful look.

_**"It wouldn't be a bug for me. I have a stable work that matches the time when she goes to school. I don't have to travel and after work I'd have free time to take care about Sami, full time. And well, maybe I could help her with all she's going through since I know how it feels not have neither of your parents. But I don't want to seem a meddlesome; I understand if you think so, though."**_ You said shyly, still looking down. You couldn't believe you were saying it all. Darren softly kissed your shoulder and rested his forehead there again; hugging you tighter.

_**"You aren't a meddlesome; no one of us thinks so. You're being very kind and nice, but we don't want to force you to do something like this only because we cannot agree what to do."**_ Bill said nicely.

_**"Mr. Criss, I don't feel forced. Somehow I feel fond of Sami and I'd love if she stays with me. But I won't don't it if you think this is insane; and you're in all your rights to think that."**_ You answered politely, trying to stop being ashamed.

"_**Please call me Bill."**_ Bill said politely, smiling and you nodded. _**"I don't think this is insane. I only think that you don't have to do it if you really don't feel ready to assume such a big responsibility."**_

"_**I think I won't have any problem with that. I think I could give Sami all that was taken away from me in my childhood and I think I'd know how show her that even though she has lost the most valuable thing she had, everything can be good."**_ You said wholeheartedly.

"_**You're an amazing girl."**_ Chuck said thrilled, looking at you and nodding while you shook your head. _**"I trust you and I think she'd be better with you than with any of us. You have my approval."**_

"_**Mine too. Sami is gonna be fine with you, she is kind in love with you, after all you're her pink rabbit."**_ Grant said smiling and everybody else smiled as well.

"_**If you're really sure of this and you're not doing this because you feel forced; then you have my approval too. I saw the way you're with her and it's as if you were her sister of a lifetime."**_ Cerine said sweetly, looking at you touched.

"_**Make it four of us. Darren? What do you think?"**_ Bill asked, looking at Darren who had his head buried on your shoulder. Darren only nodded. _**"So it's a decision. Sami can stay with you here as long as you want, we're not gonna force you to keep staying with her if you feel that things aren't working. Of course you don't have to worry about the expense and all that, we're gonna cover it all; and we promise to come here all the times we can. Anyway, we should ask Sami too, to know if she's okay with this."**_

"_**Yes, tomorrow morning we're gonna do it."**_ Cerine said smiling and he looked sweetly at you. _**"Thank you, sweetheart. You know you can always have our help. I have no words to thank you, what you're doing is something extraordinary; considering Sami's feelings and trying to help her and all you already helped her. It's overwhelming."**_ Cerine said thrilled and smiling at you.

"_**No please, you don't have to thank me. I'm doing this because I really want it and because Sami is like my little sister. I see a lot of her of me and hopefully she wouldn't go through the same I had to."**_ You said smiling slightly.

You talked for a while and discussed the legal issues to get custody of Sami. You were feeling weird, really weird. You really were doing this because you wanted; because you really loved Sami and you thought that Sami being in NYC would be the best for her at least until the end of the year. But you were feeling weird because you couldn't believe that they trusted you the way they were doing; you couldn't believe that actually they considered you part of the family. They couldn't stop asking you if you were sure about this, that you really didn't have to do it, that they were very grateful, that if you come to realize that you couldn't do it you shouldn't doubt to tell them, that they were going to take care about all the expenses and things like that. It seemed that your head was spinning, but you actually thought you could do it; you knew how to help Sami and how to make her feel that she could still being happy even though all the bad things that happened to her. This was all new for you, you didn't know if things would work out but you were going to do your best because Sami deserved to be happy again, because she was very little and because you could teach her all the things that took you years to learn. Finally everybody decided it was time to go to bed; but you and Darren, who didn't utter a word all the time, stayed there. When the two of you were completely alone, Darren finally looked up to you.

"_**What you're doing…"**_ Darren said and he couldn't say anymore because suddenly he started to shed some tears and he looked away. You leaned to caress his cheek sweetly.

"_**What I'm doing is because I really don't want Sami to go through all I had to and I know I can help her with that. I'm not doing this because I want to seem the nice girl who's trying to please your family and make them like me. Of course I'd like them to like me, as I like them. But this is about Sami and how she reminds me to me and how I want her to not experience all I did."**_ You said sincerely and wiped away Darren's tears.

_**"You manage to easily make me love you like hell. How could anyone not love you? How could you have been through all you had to live? How is that even possible? You should've never deserved all the bad moments you had to live. I look to you and I cannot understand how you did it, how you could overcome it, and how you could be that strong and warm-hearted, after all the shit you had to live. How did you do it? How?"**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes with a tearful look.

_**"I didn't let the ghosts of my past to bring me down again. I learned that what really matters is to enjoy the good things of life, because those are the things that make you feel alive, that make you feel full. And it wasn't long ago that I learned that. And if you ask me, I could have never done it alone; fortunately I met a person who made me see this point of view about life, who made me see that everything worth it if you think you can do it. And fortunately I still have that person in my life and that is the person who gives me the strength to keep going, is the person who really makes me feel happy. Now I don't have to pretend that I'm happy, because now really I am, thanks to that person. And fortunately I have that person in front of me right now."**_ You smiled fondly at him and pecked his lips_**. "I owe this all to you, Darren. Maybe you can't picture all you've done; but I can tell you you've done more than all the people I knew in my life have done for me. And I'll be eternally grateful for that; but more than being grateful, all I want is to give you at least a little all you've given me. And maybe I don't say it enough, but I truly love you, Dar."**_ You finally said looking deep into his eyes, which were full of tears.

"_**I love you too, my mellylicious girl."**_ Darren giggled and smiled at you, leaning to kiss you, this time the kiss was passionate and deep.

Those were the little things that made you love Darren more and more day by day.

* * *

_SIX MONTHS LATER..._

Your life had changed roundly in only six months, but it was good change. Sami was living in your apartment because it was the best for the two of you considering that your work and her school were near from your apartment. But you had a new apartment this time, a bigger one so that way Sami had her very own bedroom where all her toys and things were. You and Sami had decorated the new apartment together with things that the two of you had done together. Sami was delighted with the final result of the apartment; after all, once she said to you that she'd like to have an apartment like yours some time. You thought that living with Sami would be a little complicated because she wasn't going through a good moment and the most probably would be that she missed her old house where she used to live; but your thoughts were wrong. Sami was very open and she was pleased with the new style of life she was leading with you. Of course she had ups and downs, but almost the time she seemed to be happy. She was a very nice and cute girl and you got to know a whole lot about her: her interests, her personality, and her fears, the things she liked and hated her dreams, her goals, and her deepest thoughts about everything about life. You couldn't stop to get amazed by her smartness and humility. She had only six years old, but he seemed older judging by the way she thought about things on particular topics. She trusted you very much and you got to have a very strong bond. She always confessed to you her deepest thoughts, concerns and joys. She even told you that you were for her more than the pink rabbit you once told her or more than her aunt; she told you that for her you were like her stepmother and not like the evil stepmother from the Cinderella. The day she told you that you couldn't avoid shedding some tears because it was very touching for you. After all, all of this, since the first time you once received more than a year ago, changed your life; all of this was thoroughly new for you. Years ago you were just a ghost fooling around in a world that seemed that everything was gloom and cheerless; no one truly cared about you and you were just like an anonymous person for everybody; who never was loved and therefore couldn't love anyone. But now everything was different; now you had so many people who loved you and you loved as well. In matter of a year you've met incredible people like Darren, the person who you loved, and his whole family especially Chuck; Joey who became a good friend for you; April who was your best friend along with Matt; Grant who was always there to help you when he could; and Sami, who considered you as her stepmother. Sami was one of the most important people for you, in all the time you were with her you got to love her as if she was her stepchild as well and that was very weird. You never imagined having such a bond with someone like this, but it just happened. It was another unexpected thing in your life as all the things that happened to you in the last year. You were sure about one thing: life finally was making sense for you, finally you were finding out the good things of living life no matter all the terrible things you had to live in your past.

The year was ending and you were already in December. You couldn't believe how fast these six months had passed. In this six months you barely saw Darren; he only came to NYC four times and he didn't stay for more than two days. He was being very busy with work; going to the set, performing, with interviews, social events, solidarity events, working in a new StarKid musical, and writing new songs. But this month Darren was hired for a Broadway production and that meant that he would be in NYC for a month. Even though you knew he'd be busy with the rehearsals, the performing and the interviews; it was better than Darren being in LA. You didn't want to seem selfish, but it was very hard for you being so far away from Darren and barely seeing him; you needed him a lot, you missed him like hell, and you wanted to spend time with him like a normal couple. The long distance relationship that both of you had, was very difficult to handle for you; even though almost every day you texted, you called each other or you had video calls. It wasn't the same and you needed to feel Darren next to you although you were trying to make it work. You knew from the beginning that you'd never have a normal relationship with Darren since he was a worldwide known person. You knew that his life was very busy and accelerated, that he always had things to do; that he couldn't do normal and simple things like walking around in a public place, watch a movie in the movies, and go out for a coffee or dinner, or simple going shopping or something. He couldn't be in a public place without people coming around to get an autograph or picture or the paparazzi rounding around to make up stories or steal from him every single attempt to have a private life. You knew it because before meeting Darren you'd be one of those people coming to him to get an autograph; and now you knew more about Darren's situation because all the things he told you. At one point Darren didn't mind it because he was the nicest person you've ever met and he always said he loved his fans because they were one of the reasons he got to be who he was now; but on the other point he wanted to have that private life to enjoy without people who interfere. He hated the fact that all people were making up stories about he having a love affair with a celebrity who was only her friend; he hated the fact he had to be very careful about every single thing he did and that stressed out him. And your relationship with Darren wasn't public yet, no one knew about it; it wasn't because Darren didn't want people to know, it was because the two of you agreed to that. The main reason that neither of you wanted people to know actually was because your own decision; you were the one who didn't want people to know about it. Because you knew how it would be and you weren't ready to face it; because you were his fan before and you knew how it'd be. His fans would start to opine and judge, some people maybe would like it and some people not; you knew it because you did it in the past. Because you weren't ready to be inserted into the world of celebrities and gossip; you weren't ready to deal with people around taking photographs of Darren while you were with him. You didn't want people to recognize you, you didn't want people talking about you, and you didn't want to lose your privacy. Maybe you were a little selfish about this, but you really weren't ready for such a change like that; you weren't used of people looking at you, and less you'd be used of people talking about you; even though in the last year you matured and learned and experienced new things, you didn't feel comfortable with that yet. Darren understood you and he agreed; maybe he also wasn't ready to show in public your relationship. After all your relationship was weird because you couldn't see each other so often and people would start talking about it. And you never thought that your relationship would be as hard as it was being; yes you knew it'd be hard, but not this much; but you couldn't do anything about it. You thought that the love for Darren would overcome any barriers of distance; in part it was like that, you didn't feel less love for him, but you didn't know how you'd be with Darren all the time like this. Because even though you remembered what Darren told you once that though miles may lie between the two of you, you're never gonna be far apart because for love doesn't count the miles cause it's measured by the heart; you also needed to feel him, his embraces, his kisses, you needed to feel him close to you physically. You didn't like the fact that you couldn't have all that with Darren and that hurt you and made you feel bad inside, because you knew he was trying hard to make it work. And you appreciated all that Darren was doing, but you couldn't help feeling this way. Maybe it was matter of time, until you get used at this, but you weren't sure about it because it had been six months and you were feeling in the same way if not worse. But Darren was coming to NYC to stay for an entire month and you were extremely happy about it.

The days passed by very fast and in the blink of a hat, the day that Darren would arrive to NYC has come. You offered to Darren staying in your apartment with Sami and you; and after a few times you insisted, he agreed. He wasn't sure to stay at your apartment not because he would be uncomfortable or he didn't want to sleep in the same room than you or Sami; but because he was scared if some people would follow him and they'd find your apartment and, knowing the media strategy, they could blackmail you to get some private information or they would harass around your apartment. But you said that would be a very small and almost insignificant possibility, that he shouldn't worry about it but everything was up to him; you wouldn't force him; when you said this, he automatically agreed bluntly. Darren was going to arrive at night, so you and Sami decided to welcome him with a big dinner. The time you were with Sami, you taught her how to cook and it turned out that she had a talent for cooking besides she loved doing it. So you started cooking and the time when Darren was going to arrive was coming. Suddenly your phone buzzed and you checked it. It was a text from Darren.

**From Darren: Sorry boo, the flight was delayed four hours. Yeah it's crazy! You can go to sleep, I'm gonna use the keys I have to get into the apartment. A totally warm huge hug to my favorite girls. Love you.**

Oh no. You already had everything ready to wait for Darren and your big dinner that you planned with Sami was an epic fail. Four hours! That was so much and it was going to be really late for Sami and she had to go to school next day. You thought that maybe you could have at least a lunch together next day. You texted back to Darren.

**To Darren: It's okay, Dar. See you in a few hours; here your favorite girls are excited to see you back! Have a safe and fun trip! Love you too.**

You looked at the dinner which was almost ready and sighed. Sami was still cooking, humming a song happily. You walked toward her and hugged her by her back, resting your chin in her shoulder with a slight smile. Sami looked at you and smiled back.

"_**Sami, your uncle Dare just told me that he's gonna arrive late, because his flight is delayed. I think this dinner is gonna be only you and me."**_ You said to her softly and Sami frowned.

"_**Why did that happen? The dinner is almost ready!"**_ Sami complained because of her confusion. _**"We can wait for him and then we can heat the food when he arrives."**_

"_**No, Sami. Tomorrow you have school and Darren is gonna arrive very late. Maybe we can make it up tomorrow."**_ You smiled at her and Sami just sighed but she nodded.

"_**Okay. But tomorrow we're gonna have a dinner, the three of us!"**_ Sami said, looking at you and you nodded smiling sweetly.

"_**Promise."**_ You smiled at her once again and kissed her cheek and Sami smiled again, chuckling. _**"Now let's finish the dinner so we can eat and then to bed! So tomorrow we can wake up very early and greet your uncle."**_

"_**It's almost ready!"**_ Sami said happily.

You and Sami had dinner together and then you went to bed. As you used to do, you went to Sami's bedroom to tell her a story before sleeping. You leaned in her bed next to her to tell the story and Sami snuggled up to you. She quickly fell asleep but you stayed there, caressing her hair and looking at her sleeping. It was always nice to see Sami sleeping very relaxed and happy, she was such a pretty and cute little girl, and you were happy to have made that decision to let Sami staying with you. Without realizing it, you fell asleep snuggling up to her.

"_**Beautiful as always."**_ You heard a whisper in the middle of the night followed by a kiss on your forehead that made you shiver and open your eyes all of a sudden.

Darren was kneeling next to you and looking at you with a fond smile on his face, caressing your cheek very softly. He looked tired but happy and gorgeous as always. Your heart started to beat faster because of the extremely happiness and emotion you were feeling. Finally the man you loved was next to you to stay there for an entire month. You didn't realize how much you missed him like hell until you saw his face in the flesh.

_**"Dar!"**_ You whispered with a shrill voice to not wake up Sami who was fast asleep and you hugged him very tight, giggling quietly.

Darren also started to giggle quietly and happily and he took you by your waist to lift you up. You wrapped your arms around his neck resting your chin on his shoulder and wrapped your legs around his waist to cling to him and maintain balance while Darren was holding you by your hips. Darren started to spin with you, kissing all over your face hurriedly, still giggling quietly. Then he stopped spinning and took you outside Sami's bedroom. He walked toward the living room and leaned you back on the couch, getting on top of you, leaning his forehead on yours still smiling goofily and lovingly. You wrapped your arms around his neck again and he placed his hands on your jaw.

_**"I missed you so fucking much!"**_ Darren said still smiling in front your lips, this time a little louder.

_**"Really? I couldn't notice it."**_ You teased him, giggling in front his lips.

_**"I could make you notice it."**_ Darren smiled mischievously, raising an eyebrow.

_**"Wondering how that would work."**_ You smiled also mischievously, biting your lips making Darren fix his eyes on your lips and he parted his lips.

Darren ran down your jawline with his fingertips slowly, his sight still fixed on your lips and you staring into his eyes, enjoying the warmth of his touch that you missed very much. Then Darren slightly touched his lips with yours and he stayed like that for a few seconds before starting kissing your lips very slowly. Then he bit your lips softly and you placed a hand on the back of his head, pulling him a little closer to you and that was the moment when Darren started to kiss your lips faster and deeper, placing a hand on your waist and the other hand behind your earlobe. He sought a more comfortable position, leaning his entire body on top of yours. You placed a hand on his hip and with your free hand you started to run your fingers through his curls. Darren shivered at your touch and he deepened the kiss, the kiss wasn't anymore softly, now it was an eager and lustful kiss; it was a wet kiss mixed occasionally with soft bites. Darren started to tug your shirt and he finally started rubbing his hands up and down the side of your waist underneath your shirt; his legs entwining with yours. Then Darren stroked the side of your face and slowly licked your lower lip before driving his tongue into your mouth. You moaned with desire as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate and then you started rubbing your hands up and down of his back underneath his shirt. He started to touch your tongue with the tip of his, making his motions smooth at first and then deepening it, almost fiercely. You were getting carried away and no one of you wanted to stop, no one of you could stop at this point. Darren then broke the kiss to breathe fast in front your lips, looking into your eyes. His hair was completely messed up, his cheeks were flushed and he was looking at you with lustful eyes while he was panting. In that moment you took advantage to nuzzle your nose on his neck to then nibble softly his earlobe and suck it slowly. In that moment Darren closed his eyes and let out a low moan, thrusting his hips against yours, instinctively. You felt how Darren was already hard and he grabbed your jawline to turn your head and start kissing you fiercely and passionately again. He lifted up your shirt still kissing you and you started to lift up his shirt as well. He stopped kissing you to take off his own shirt. You looked at his bare chest very intently, gosh he was flawless. After a while you were admiring his bare chest, you looked up to find Darren looking at you with a naughty grin on his face. Still looking into your eyes and grinning naughtily, Darren took off your shirt and now he was the one admiring you. He leaned to start kissing all over your bare stomach, continuing then licking it slowly and smoothly. You couldn't help it but start moaning, plunged into pleasure. Then he started to kiss your lower stomach and he placed his hands on your waistband button, looking up to you with lust and grinning naughtily. You just looked at him, panting and completely turned on; Darren nodded and smiled naughtily at you before starting to unbutton your pants very slowly, with his eyes fixed on yours. He finally finished unbuttoning your pants and you arched your back, so he could take them off. Darren kissed your femoral and when he was about to take them off something unexpected happened.

"_**Uncle Dare? Is that you?"**_ Sami's sleepy voice echoed in the room.

There was Sami, standing in front of you, very sleepy and rubbing her eyes. Both Darren and you widened your eyes, freaking out and getting extremely nervous and uncomfortable all of a sudden. Darren got away from you abruptly and covered his boner with a cushion while you quickly grabbed your shirt that was on the floor to cover your naked body. Now Sami was looking at you both with wide eyes and astonished. Oh damn, that was the most awkward and embarrassing situation you've ever lived. With all the possibilities in the world, Sami just had to appear in that moment and catch the two of you in action. You looked away totally in shock and embarrassed and Darren shifted uncomfortably in the couch, gulping and biting his lips. You cursed yourself inside; you couldn't forgive yourself about this Sami had to see. You were only hoping that she didn't understand what you and Darren were doing because it'd be a traumatic event for her.

_**"Sami!"**_ Darren shrieked shrilly, still covering his boner with the cushion and with his bare chest, completely jittery. _**"You...you should be...you should be sleeping!"**_ Darren shrieked shrilly again, stuttering.

"_**I know. I wanted to check if that was you. What were you doing?"**_ Sami asked, still sleepy and yawning.

"_**Uhm…nothing. We…I…I was telling your auntie that I…I was tired. We…we were about to go to sleep…as what you should be doing now."**_ Darren stuttered edgy, without moving from the couch and without moving the cushion from his boner.

"_**Yes."**_ Sami answered yawning and she got closer to Darren to kiss his cheek and hug him while Darren was still nervous. _**"I'm happy you're here again. I missed you, uncle Dare." **_Sami said with sleepy eyes and smiling slightly.

"_**Me too, Sami."**_ Darren said, smiling despite his nerves. _**"But tomorrow I'll have the day off and we would be able to talk. Now you should go to bed, tomorrow you have school."**_

Sami nodded and kissed Darren's cheek once again before going to her bedroom. After a while the two of you made sure that Sami was already in her bedroom you looked at each other. Both of you were completely ashamed and awkward, without being able to move. Darren started to laugh edgily.

"_**It seems we've been caught."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrows and still laughing edgily. _**"Oh man. This never happened to me in my fucking entire life. Sami definitely hump trumped us."**_

_**"Yeah."**_ You laughed tensely and Darren buried his head on your stomach, kissing it but this time was soft kisses.

You let Darren kissing your stomach and you started running your fingers softly through his curls. While Darren was still kissing your stomach, Sami popped in the room again; making the two of you get nervous again. Why on the earth you had to be caught in the worst situations? You bit your lips and looked down and Darren sat upright on the couch.

_**"Uncle Dare? I forgot to say that I love you."**_ Sami said sleepy and turned around again to come back to her bedroom.

Darren looked at you with wide eyes and raising his eyebrows, shaking his head in disbelief. He started to laugh softly, this time jovially and less nervous.

_**"Guess this isn't our day."**_ Darren said with an amused smile and leaned to kiss your cheek.

_**"I'm sure this have to be a kind of signal. Twice in a row, Darren!"**_ You said widening your eyes and smiling almost amused. _**"We'll have to talk to Sami about this, somehow."**_

_**"What?"**_ Darren asked perplexed. _**"You're not saying it for serious..."**_

_**"Yes, I mean it. Darren, you don't know what she must be thinking now. It's not nice for a little girl see...something like this."**_ You answered serious and firmly.

_**"You said it. She's a little girl. For sure she thought we were just lying here because I was tired."**_ Darren said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

_**"Darren...Sami can be very little but she's acutely smart. So I think the best is gonna be if we talk to her, so she wouldn't think anything wrong or she wouldn't be traumatized."**_ You said roundly.

_**"Oh c'mon! She's not gonna think anything like that. I don't see what we're gonna get telling her what happened. We're gonna traumatize her even more."**_ Darren said frowning and stubbornly.

_**"Fine. Don't do it, Darren. I'm gonna talk to her and you can do whatever you want."**_ You said this time a little upset because of Darren's attempt to disregard that responsibility.

_**"Woah!"**_ Darren exclaimed astonished, raising his eyebrows. _**"Don't get mad, boo! I just came and you're already mad at me! What the hell?"**_

_**"Oh asshole."**_ You said upset, standing up and putting on your shirt.

You started to walk away from Darren to go to your bedroom but Darren quickly stood up and ran to you to hold you tight by the back and prevent you from moving.

_**"Sorry if I said something that got you peeved!"**_ Darren said rowdy. _**"But you also have to admit that you get freaking rabid over little things all the time."**_

_**"Really? Awesome!"**_ You said sarcastically.

At one point Darren was right, but it got you mad the fact that now you were upset because of Darren's lack of interest about this responsibility. You started to struggle to get away from him, but Darren quickly turned you around and held you even tighter. Now you were face to face and you looked into Darren's eyes in a rage. Darren was looking at you peaceful but frowning.

_**"Why are you being like this?"**_ Darren asked befuddled.

"_**Are you fucking serious?" **_You asked rudely. _**"Because you don't take over your responsibilities. Because you think everything is fun; and you don't fucking care to know how Sami actually felt or thought in that moment. Because you cannot deal with this situation when certainly you should be the brave one to take the first step, because she is your niece! And I have no idea what crosses your mind or why you're very coward to settle down and be mature once and for all. And crap! Let me go, Darren!"**_

You yelled in anger, feeling how all your face was turning flushed. You were so furious that you didn't measure all the words you said, you didn't even know what you said to him but you knew it wasn't something good judging by the expression on Darren's face. He was looking at you puzzled, aghast and thunderstruck, his lips parted and frowning. Then he raised his eyebrows and chirped; in disbelief. He let you, raising his hands; looking down and biting his lips tensely.

_**"Go."**_ Darren growled sharply.

He got away from you, walking toward where his suitcase was, in silence; completely ignoring you. You stood there in shock trying to realize all the awful words you said to Darren, words that you didn't even mean to say. What the hell crossed your mind to say all those things? You knew that it wasn't like that, but you couldn't apologize to Darren because you were totally puzzled by your own stupid overreaction over a little thing. Darren grabbed his suitcase and he walked toward the front door, still biting his lips and completely uptight and earnest.

_**"What are you doing Darren?"**_ You asked fearful and blameworthy.

_**"What do you think? I just came here and all I was expecting was to be full of happiness because I finally got to see you after like a damn long time and all I got was to be treated like crap; all I got was to hear all those...shit."**_ Darren said harshly and he opened the door. _**"And just to let you know; I do care about Sami, I do care about her like hell because she means a whole lot more for me than for you. I don't think that all is fun and games; hey, I'm a human, I have feelings, I'm not some jackass and dickhead; and I thought you knew it, but hell it seems I was wrong. And you think I'm not mature? Your attitude isn't mature, spitting out shit without knowing how things actually are. Do you think I don't take over my responsibilities? Fuck! You have no idea of all the things I do and all the things I don't do to carry out my responsibilities. I gave up a lot of things that I loved to do to carry out my responsibilities, one of those things is to spend more time with friends or family; because I'm all the time working hard to try to give all the people I love all they need! So don't you dare to say that I don't care because you don't have a fucking idea. Sorry because I didn't want to talk to Sami about all of this! Sorry because I preferred to enjoy the time together instead telling Sami something that was irrelevant to her, because she's so little to think we were about to make out! Sorry because all I wanted minutes before was to enjoy the gladness I felt to be with the person I love and missed like hell! And yeah, it hurt me being treated like that; because evidently I wasn't expecting something like this from you. So yeah, the best is if I go now so I'll let you think and I'll let you in peace because apparently my presence annoys you."**_

Darren was out of control but every word he was telling you was right. Darren didn't deserve being treated the way you did; and you didn't even know why you said all those things to him if you knew it wasn't like that. You were feeling remorseful and you understood why Darren said it all that way.

_**"Darren...I'm sorry. What I said... I didn't mean it. It was inappropriate and inaccurate."**_ You said looking into his eyes with a regretful look.

_**"Yeah. It was totally inaccurate."**_ Darren said looking away, tightening his jaw. _**"And disappointing."**_

"_**Darren, I'm really sorry."**_ You said apologetic. _**"Darren, please, look at me."**_ You said grabbing his free hand and Darren looked at you sluggishly. _**"I didn't mean what I said. I know who you are and I know you aren't all those things I said. I said it because I was upset; but not upset with you, I was upset with myself; because all the time I'm pretending that I know what I'm doing and the truth is that I don't fucking know what I'm doing. I don't know what's the right thing to do, the wrong thing; I don't know how to manage all of this, I'm the one who can't deal with all of this because everything is new for me and all the time I think I'm doing the wrong thing and that upsets me! That makes me feel so damn impotent because all I want is to do the right thing and I don't know what the right thing is. I try to do all the things in the way I always wished to happen to me. But how can I do it if I never knew how it was? Because I didn't have a good example in my life and because I'm not a good example for anyone. And I want to do my best with Sami but I always end up failing, I always think something is missing and I don't know what to do!"**_ You said with choked voice and distressed.

Darren was looking at you intently and he stayed in silence. You were expecting him to say something, but he didn't utter a word. Instead of saying something, he sighed and he let out your hand to close the door and leave the suitcase on the floor. He looked at the floor for a while you were standing there, distressed and regretful and without knowing what to do. Then Darren looked up to you with a tender-hearted look.

_**"Come here."**_ Darren said kindly, grabbing your hand to pull you into a hug_**. "Yes, you overreacted and so did I. Well, I think that's why we fit together so well, both of us are very stubborn sometimes but we always find the way to make it right. Both of us are dumb humans."**_ Darren laughed softly, still hugging you. Then he broke the hug to grab your cheeks and look into your eyes while you placed your hands on his hips. _**"Please, don't say again that you aren't doing the right thing; because, you know, that's bullshit. You're doing extraordinary job with Sami, she's very happy with you and she's not depressed about her loss as she would be if she weren't living with you. I'm sorry because I never could see you were feeling like this. I swear if I could have noticed it, I'd have tried harder to make you see that you're doing the best a person could do. It's unbelievable all you did and all you're doing. I guess I never thanked you enough for all of this. And if you feel you can't do it, if you feel you're not doing it right; I'm right here, to make it with you. We're gonna do this together and you see, everything's gonna be alright. I believe in us." **_Darren smiled at you and he kissed your lips fondly._** "And I believe in us because I love you. And because I love you I won't let you down."**_

"_**Thank you, Dar. Thanks for understanding."**_ You said with choked voice, thrilled. _**"I love you too, so much."**_

You didn't know what else to say. Your words weren't enough to express all the happiness you were feeling to have Darren back, to have found him, to have as a boyfriend the man you always wanted to have but you weren't expecting to have. You couldn't express with words what you were feeling, that now you weren't going to be alone and do all the things by yourself like in your past; because now you had someone who was going to stand by you, going through all the things that come to happen, always together. And that was a new thing that you loved to know and that made you feel full.

* * *

Next day you woke up very early, curled up to Darren. It was a great feeling being in his arms as always, but this time it was even better because it had been six months since the last time you could actually curl up to Darren knowing that he was going to stay here for a long time and not only two or three days. Yes, you've been curled up to Darren before, but it was nothing compared to now; because before you didn't love him as a much as you loved him now, because in all the time you were together, even if you were far apart, you experienced new things and your love for him grew day by day. It was always overwhelming to see Darren sleeping, he looked really relaxed and beautiful, and it wasn't supposed that someone looks beautiful while sleeping; but nothing on Darren was normal, he was an extraordinary person that was beyond of all you knew. A warm smile crossed on your face when you realized that this was one of the things that you loved most to do; sleeping and snuggled to the man you loved and who made you feel as happy as never before. You stayed staring at him for a while, admiring every little feature of his face, before getting up to make breakfast and wake up Sami to go to school. When you got up from bed, Darren grumbled and he tucked in the quilt, only his head peeking out of the quilt, curling into bed completely asleep. You tried to hold back your laughter because it was adorable seeing Darren as if he were a little kid. Trying to not make any noise, you left the bedroom to go to the kitchen and start making breakfast, but this time was breakfast for three. After you finished making breakfast, you went to Sami's bedroom to wake up her and help her to get ready to go to school as you were used to do. When you saw Sami you had to make a big effort not to laugh. Sami was sleeping in the same position than Darren when you left your bedroom; definitely they were relatives. You sat on the edge of her bed and started to caress her hair very softly and then you leaned to whisper in her ear.

_**"Sami, it's time to wake up!"**_ You said sweetly smiling at her. Sami grumbled in the same way Darren did earlier and you couldn't help it but giggle softly.

_**"Can't I skip it, only for today?"**_ Sami grumbled again, still with closed eyes and tucking in her head into the quilt.

_**"Like the same you say to me every day."**_ You said firmly but trying to hold back your amusement. _**"Come on, Sami. At the end of the week is gonna start the winter break and you're gonna be free to go to the park and play."**_

_**"Okay, okay."**_ Sami grumbled once again and sat on the bed, still with closed eyes.

You smiled and helped Sami to change her clothes and to get ready to school. Before breakfast, you combed her hair and told her to go brush her teeth. While Sami was in the bathroom, you went to the kitchen and set the table. When Sami entered into the kitchen, she was smiling and apparently she was very happy. It seemed as if she didn't remember the awkward situation she saw yesterday, when she caught you and Darren on the couch; but you weren't sure and that made you feel lightly nervous. Sami walked to you widely smiling and hugged by your legs as you leaned to kiss her forehead with a smile.

"_**I think someone is happy this morning!"**_ You exclaimed smiling and you gave her hot chocolate while Sami sat.

"_**I'm really happy! Aren't you happy because uncle Dare is here again?"**_ Sami said still smiling widely.

"_**Yes, I am."**_ You answered giggling and giving her toast bread. "And this weekend we're gonna be able to spend more time together if Darren isn't very busy."

"_**I know! We can go all together to the park, and watch a movie, we can make snow angels, and play a snowball war, or make snowmen, or we can go ice skating!"**_ Sami said excited, bouncing on her chair and you started to laugh.

"_**Maybe we can do it. But only you and me, you know your uncle can't do all those things."**_ You answered kindly but feeling a little sad inside.

Oh no, why were you feeling like this? You shouldn't be feeling like this. Again, you knew all of this since the beginning, you knew that you couldn't do all of those normal things with Darren. You shouldn't be feeling sad because if you were feeling sad since now, that your relationship with Darren was almost recent, you didn't want to imagine how you'd feel after a few years if you were still together. You didn't want to imagine how sad would be for you knowing the fact that you'd never be able to do those simple things but which filled a couple with happiness; because you knew that probably the smallest things were those which make someone really happy. It was kind of sad to think that you won't be able to have those moments with Darren and you started to feel scared that maybe your relationship would turn into a routine because there weren't so many things you'd be able to do; and you knew that the routine was one of the worst things ever. Oh no shit. You shouldn't be feeling like that, you shouldn't be thinking and imagining all of that. You should just be happy because you were with the man who makes you happy and who makes you smile always. And if you kept thinking all that, you'd screw up all you had. But you couldn't help that feeling. All of a sudden you felt extremely weird, it was impossible that you could feel sad and happy at the same time. You needed to keep away those thoughts from your mind, you only needed to think about all the good things. But what if all the bad things and barriers of your relationship outweigh the good things? No, you needed to make it work; you couldn't give up on something that finally was making you happy; you couldn't give up on the person who made possible you all the good things in your life. You were just thinking bullshit…or at least that was what you wanted to think. You must have been silent for a long time and with a weird grimace on your face because Sami was looking at you frowning, trying to figure out what you were thinking. You quickly dissipated all the negative thoughts from your mind and you smiled at Sami before taking a sip of your coffee.

"_**Who said I wouldn't like to do all those things? Next Saturday, the snowball war is gonna start and I'm super sure that I'm gonna rock it."**_ Darren's hoarse voice echoed in the kitchen.

You turned around to see Darren leaning against the door frame and staring at you with a sleepy face and lazy smile. His hair was completely messed up with stubble on his face, his curls were unruly and messy; he was still wearing the same clothes that he wore to sleep but now he was wearing a baggy blue hoodie. Somehow he looked absurdly attractive and you were sure if someone else were wearing those clothes, that person wouldn't look really ridiculously good-looking as Darren. How was it possible for him to look so attractive with those clothes and that messy appearance? For some reason you couldn't understand, you loved the scruffy look of Darren. Sami's face lit up as soon as she saw Darren standing there. She got up and ran to Darren's arms to hug him tight, smiling widely. You smiled to see the cute situation, it was very nice to see them both that way and you never could get enough of seeing all the love they had to each other.

_**"I missed you so much, uncle Dare!"**_ Sami exclaimed, radiating happiness and still hugging him.

_**"I missed you too, Cheeky Monkey!"**_ Darren said laughing and Sami frowned.

_**"I do not have monkey cheeks." **_Sami yammered, crossing her arms while you and Darren laughed loud out because Sami didn't understand it.

_**"Of course you have monkey cheeks!" **_Darren laughed. _**"Monkey cheeks, monkey cheeks, monkey cheeks!"**_ Darren mocked like a child, rubbing his cheeks on Sami's cheeks and giggling.

_**"Get out!"**_ Sami said moody trying to go away from Darren who was holding her tight and was still rubbing his cheeks on hers. _**"Your beard is so prickly!"**_

Darren stopped rubbing his cheeks on hers to look at Sami extremely amused and he burst out laughing along with you. Then Darren changed his facial expression and he made a weird grimace, frowning, showing all his teeth and holding out his claw hands menacingly.

_**"I'm a bear! Grrrrr!"**_ Darren growled, still holding out his claw hands menacingly.

Sami got stunned and started to run away squealing while Darren started to chase her around, still holding out his claw hands menacingly and growling. You couldn't stop laughing out loud, watching at them playing around. It was such an adorable situation; Darren knew how to get along with kids. Suddenly Sami hid behind you, clinging to your legs. You looked at Sami laughing and then you looked at Darren, raising your eyebrows and crossing your arms, while Darren was approaching you cautiously; still holding out his claw hands menacingly and looking at you extremely amused and playfully. Now Darren was almost seven inches from you and you were looking at him intently and intrigued of what he was going to do.

_**"Give me the Cheeky Monkey!"**_ Darren growled as a bear and you had to bite your lips to hold back your laughter.

_**"What if not?"**_ You answered playfully and raising an eyebrow amused.

_**"I'd have to eat both of you!"**_ Darren growled again, showing his claw-hands.

_**"I'm not giving you her. So, bring it on!"**_ You said defiant, extremely amused and protecting Sami.

_**"You got it!"**_ Darren growled.

He rushed to you both with his claw-hands, making the three of you to fall off the floor. All of you started to shriek of laughter, still on the floor while Darren pretended to be eating you and Sami, growling as a bear. You and Sami looked at each other and nodded in conspiracy. Darren looked suspiciously at you both and then Sami and you started to tickle him. He started to roll on the floor desperately, trying to get away from you both, unable to control the fit of laughter.

_**"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"**_ Darren said, still in a fit of laughter; but you and Sami continued tickling him. _**"I surrender! White flag, white flag!" **_Darren yelled with a shrilly voice.

Sami and you stared to laugh and stopped. You both gave a high five, looking at Darren who was extended on the floor on his back; trying to catch his breath, gasping and trying to control laughter. You and Sami got up, still giggling.

"_**Victory is ours! You shouldn't mess with us, Mr. Epic fail of bear!"**_ You laughed.

_**"You're so effing bitchy!"**_ Darren said frowning but amused, getting up from the floor.

_**"Manners, Darren!"**_ You looked at him serious. _**"You shouldn't use that language with the people who beat you."**_

_**"Sneaky devil should be your name!"**_ Darren said defiant and you looked at him raising an eyebrow, condescending; always playfully.

_**"Oh yeah?"**_ You said getting closer to him still condescending and raising an eyebrow while Darren gulped and stepped back. _**"It's interesting what a sneaky devil can do to you."**_

_**"I'm not scared. Bring it on!"**_ Darren said unsure but defiant.

_**"I will. For now, as your defeat, you'll have to reward us."**_ You said amused. _**"Sami, what would be our reward?"**_ You said looking at Sami who was smiling amused and Darren fixed his eyes on her.

_**"Oh well..."**_ Sami said swinging, and thinking. _**"Darren would have to take us to McDonalds."**_ Darren raised his eyebrows in surprise and you looked down.

You knew that it was almost unlikely to happen because McDonalds was a public place, very public place and Darren couldn't just go there with the two of you. Darren looked a little uncomfortable because surely he was thinking that wasn't a good idea and he couldn't do it because it'd be probabilities of people approaching him if those people get to recognize him. After hesitating for a while, he looked at Sami with a smile.

_**"It's a deal. I heard they're making a new kind of burger that both of you are gonna love. It's called McWicked."**_ Darren said craftily and mischievously.

_**"Really? It sounds cool for me."**_ You said amused but also a little surprised because Darren accepted Sami's request. _**"You could get the McBear, it could be instructive. Maybe that way you're gonna learn how to be actually a good bear."**_

_**"Yeah, I heard the McBear is fucking delicious. And you should feel special, the McWicked is only for...let's say special people. Not everybody can eat it."**_ Darren said mockingly.

_**"Alright McDumb, now Sami has to go to school. When she gets out we're gonna get those McWhatever."**_ You said, grabbing your keys and giving Sami her bag.

"_**Okay, let me grab my coffee, I'm gonna drink it on the way."**_ Darren said, grabbing his cup of coffee and you looked at him amazed.

"_**But Darren, we go to her school walking."**_ You said preventively.

"_**Well, you're lucky today. I have a car, a real one I swear."**_ Darren said goofily. _**"So hurry up!"**_ Darren said walking to the door.

_**"Are you gonna go like that, Darren?"**_ You said, looking at his messy appearance and Darren looked at himself and shrugged.

_**"I look quirky and with a touch of bad boy. Very badass, therefore very cool."**_ Darren said giving you a playfully sexy look and you just shook your head.

_**"Alright, if you wanna think so."**_ You said jokingly.

You got out the house and Darren drove to Sami's school. On the way, you didn't stop joking and talking. It was very nice to have Darren back. But on the way you started to think about Darren's decision to go to a public place with you and Sami. That was pretty odd and to be honest you were a little alarmed of what was going to happen if you go there and people around recognize him. It wouldn't be a delightful time. However, you also were glad about this because you were going to do a normal thing with Darren and suddenly all you thought earlier, dissipated.

* * *

"_**You know? We have all the morning long only for the two of us. Alone."**_ Darren said seductively winking.

You were still in the car, in front of Sami's school in that really cold morning in NYC. When you left Sami inside the school and you came back to the car, you found out that Darren had turned on the music and he was looking at you very seductively, telling you that thing.

_**"What are you implying?"**_ You asked intrigued, looking at him amused.

_**"Well, it's a cold morning, we're alone, and we have nothing to do. I suggest doing something spontaneous, stimulating and maybe we could say wanky."**_ Darren answered in front of your lips alluringly, staring into your eyes.

_**"Oh Mr. Criss. I'm afraid I don't get your point."**_ You said also seductively in front his lips and you slightly touched his lips with yours.

_**"Oh no? Let me elaborate."**_ Darren whispered and slowly he got closer, placing his hand underneath your shirt and leaning his head to kiss your neck slowly and softly.

"_**Darren we're in a public place…"**_ You whispered but enjoying his kisses.

_**"Hmmm. The car has tinted windows."**_ Darren whispered in your ear and softly nibbled your earlobe, smiling mischievously.

Suddenly Darren grabbed you but your waist and he pulled you to him, sitting you on his lap, on the driver seat. You got astonished by this sudden action and actually you were in a very uncomfortable position. Darren noticed it because he laughed softly and helped you to get in a better position. Now you were facing him, with your legs spread to the sides of his lap. Darren placed his hands on your lower back to pull you to him as close as possible, smiling naughtily. Now your stomach was touching his chest and it felt very good. Now Darren placed a hand on your back underneath your shirt and placed his free hand on the back of your head to lean you and pull you into a very intense kiss. You placed your hands on his lower stomach and started to tug his shirt to then start rubbing his stomach underneath his shirt, biting softly his lower lip. That made Darren thrust his hips against your ass, as an instinct. Darren lifted up your shirt and you did the same; he started to rub his bare chest on your bare stomach, kissing you fiercely. You placed both of your hands on his hair and you started to mess it while Darren was rubbing his hands up and down of your back. The both of you were breathing really fast and suddenly you weren't cold anymore, you started to feel how your cheeks were flushing hard. Then you pulled yourself even closer to him, making your butt rub his crotch, what made Darren moan loud. That was the moment when Darren started dry humping you; kissing you wildly and gasping, completely turned on. Oh well, you were so turned on too; and you've never ever experienced this feeling but you were loving it. But oh what the hell? No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. A cop was knocking the car window, trying to see inside the car, but obviously he couldn't. You and Darren widen your eyes and then Darren bowed his head and snorted in frustration. You quickly sat on the passenger seat and Darren grumbled in frustration and apparently he was annoyed. He placed one of his arms on his boner and then he opened the car window.

_**"Yeah sir?"**_ Darren asked hoarsely and trying to sound polite but he didn't get it. You just were looking away in silence.

_**"Oh Jesus Christ! You're Darren Criss!"**_ The cop said stunned, looking at Darren and Darren just looked at him with wide eyes and lips parted.

_**"Yeah, the hobbit-ish."**_ Darren answered with a laugh, but it sounded a little bitter.

_**"Mr. Criss, my daughter is your fan. May I ask you if I could get an autograph? I wouldn't want to bother you, Mr. Criss but it'd mean a lot to my little Sarah."**_ The cop asked a little ashamed and shy.

_**"Uhm..."**_ Darren started to say a little uncomfortable and he ran his fingers through his hair, keeping firmly the arm that had on his boner. _**"Yeah, sure..."**_

_**"Thank you very much, Mr. Criss!"**_ The cop said excited and happy, giving him a paper and a pen.

Darren grabbed both things with his free hand and he put the paper on the arm that was covering his boner, trying to make sure it was well hidden. Uncomfortable he started to sign the autograph. You were completely in silence, very awkward and looking away trying to be unnoticed.

_**"Sarah, right?"**_ Darren asked frowning and nervous.

_**"Yes, Sarah, Sarah Connan."**_ The cop said with a smile, looking at what Darren was writing.

_**"Alright, Mr. Connan. Here it is."**_ Darren said, smiling slightly still uncomfortable, giving the cop the autograph.

_**"Thank you, Mr. Criss. My Sarah is gonna love this. Thank you."**_ The cop said grateful. Darren smiled slightly at him, expectant to know what the cop wanted when interrupted the two of you. The cop noticed that Darren was expectant. _**"Right. I came here to say that you shouldn't be parked in front of a public institution for so long. I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Criss but I'd have to say you to move the car. I'm not going to fine you if you move the car now."**_ The cop said a little uncomfortable but kindly.

_**"Yeah, right. I'm sorry Mr. Connan for all the inconvenience caused."**_ Darren answered politely and formally.

_**"Have a good day with the lady, Mr. Criss."**_

The cop finally went away, returning to the police car. Darren quickly closed the car window and he abruptly rested his forehead in the steering wheel, snorting. Darren glanced at you, still with his forehead rested in the steering wheel and he shook his head, laughing bitterly. You laughed along with him, but you were a little amused now. The whole situation was actually funny and wacky. It was impossible to believe that you always had to get caught in all of those situations. You've never been through situations like these in your entire life and now you were being through these kind of situations all the time; it seemed there was no midpoint for you. Then Darren pulled back to rest his head on the seat and he continued laughing in disbelief.

_**"That's what I call a cockblock."**_ Darren said incredulous and you laughed louder.

_**"And he knew you, Darren! Oh my god! You had to sign an autograph with a boner! Oh please!"**_ You roared with laughter. _**"How does it feel?"**_

_**"Oh dammit, you're an ass."**_ Darren said biting his lips and looking at you intently, but amused. _**"What can I say? It's exciting to experience new things in life."**_

_**"Good luck with that."**_ You said, still laughing hard and Darren gave you a soft nudge.

_**"Anyway..."**_ Darren sighed and looked at you playfully. _**"What i really wanted to suggest you was to go out for a coffee. You know, it's cold, we need something warm and stimulating."**_

_**"Yeah, sure you wanted that. But okay, I take it."**_ You said laughing and Darren looked at you, faking an annoyed face.

_**"At least I could get a kiss. You know, it was a very uncomfortable moment and only a kiss could make me chill out."**_ Darren said mischievously.

"_**A kiss, uh?"**_ You raised an eyebrow teasingly. _**"I think I could do that…"**_ You grinned mischievously and softly kissed Darren's cheek.

"_**What the hell is that?"**_ Darren said looking at you in disbelief and frowning. _**"Is that what you call a damn kiss? Well played, tease-burger."**_ Darren pretended to be offended.

"_**Hmm, you're so teasealicious!"**_ You laughed and then you grabbed his jawline to pull him into a soft kiss but intense. Then you broke the kiss and Darren looked at you with a satisfied grin.

"_**Oh hell yeah, that was much better."**_ Darren said, pecking your lips before start driving this time with smiling.

Darren drove to some place you've never gone before. It was a little far from you lived, but if Darren was going there was because he knew what he was doing. For the first time you thought it was weird the fact that Darren wanted to go out for a coffee, knowing the consequences that this would cause. Maybe Darren was trying to find a place where not so many people were used to go, so that way you'd be able to be quiet. But for you it didn't matter what you were going to go; you could go to some awful place with Darren and you'd be happy anyway because what really mattered for you was to spend time with him. Darren stopped the car and you looked around to see where you were, but you didn't recognize the place. It seemed a quiet place, and almost anyone was walking around. You looked at him frowning, expecting some kind of answer or explanation, but Darren just smiled at you and got out of the car. You also got out of the car and as soon as you did it, Darren grabbed your hand. That was the very first time that Darren grabbed your hand in a public place. Actually he did it before, when you first met, but at that time you were just friends and it didn't mean the same than now. For some reason you felt odd. On the one hand, you felt really happy to be able to walk with Darren holding hands as a normal couple; but on the other hand, you felt nervous and you looked around to see if someone was looking at you both, if there was someone who could come to where Darren and you were and start asking Darren an autograph, or someone who could take you a picture. It seemed that Darren noticed how you got uptight all of a sudden because he laughed softly and intertwined his arm with yours, getting even closer.

"_**Don't worry, is a safe place."**_ Darren said softly, looking at you with a soothing grin on his face and you only nodded. _**"Really. Not so many people come here because this is an unpopular place. Is a place that my bro and I found years ago and since we realized that not so many people come here and we can be relaxed, we started to come here very often when we wanted to catch up and we didn't want to be disturbed."**_

"_**Yeah, that's what it seems."**_ You answered, still looking around to see if someone was looking at you.

"_**Hey, we can go somewhere else if you want. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with us hanging out like this. We can go to somewhere more private."**_ Darren said, stopping you to look into your eyes. _**"I just kind of wanted to have a moment like this with you, where we can be calm and walk around like a normal couple. I'd love it, to feel like we can walk in a public place and not be interrupted by anyone. Only you and me; walking down a random street in the awesome New York City."**_Darren exclaimed, making you spin and laughing softly and you laughed along with him.

"_**I'd love that too."**_ You smiled at him while Darren was wrapping his arms around you.

"_**Is that your way to say that you agree to hang out here?" **_Darren asked, smiling at you and still wrapping his arms around your waist.

"_**Yes, I agree. I want to hang out with you."**_

"_**And you won't complain if I hold your hand while we walk?"**_ Darren asked still smiling and looking into your eyes.

"_**I won't complain."**_ You giggled softly.

"_**And…"**_ Darren smiled amused, still looking into your eyes. _**"You won't complain if while we walk I do this…?"**_ Darren leaned his head to peck your lips, still smiling.

Your first reaction was to look around if someone was looking at you again. Yes, you got nervous of Darren doing that because you weren't completely sure if there was someone like spying you. But as soon as you did it, you regretted because now Darren was looking at you with a slight sadness in his eyes. You really wanted to do that with Darren but you couldn't help to feel chary. You were stupid. Earlier you were thinking that you really wanted to have a normal moment like a normal couple with Darren; but now that you were having it, you were feeling like you were doing the wrong thing, like you shouldn't be doing this. You hated to feel that what you were doing right now, to hang out and act like a normal couple with Darren, was forbidden as if it was an illegal thing.

"_**Darren…"**_ You started to say regretful but Darren shook his hand.

"_**No it's okay. I do I understand you."**_ Darren said with a hint of dreariness.

"_**No…"**_

"_**Hey!" **_Darren said, placing his hands on your shoulders and squeezing them softly. _**"It's alright."**_

"_**No, it isn't alright. Sorry, I shouldn't have acted like that. You…it just took me by surprise. That's it. But of course you can do it."**_ You said a little unsure but knowing that it was the right thing to say.

"_**Yeah."**_ Darren said looking down and he bit his lower lip.

You looked at him and then you pecked his lips softly. Darren looked at you confused and surprised at your action and you smiled sweetly at him. Darren smiled back at you, livelier. Then he grabbed your hand again.

"_**Let's go, it's could out here. I need my dosage of caffeine."**_ Darren chuckled and led you.

You walked for a while holding hands. A few people were walking around but nobody interrupted you. Some people just passed by and some people stared at you both; but no one approached you and no one took a picture or something. You felt good walking next to Darren like this, on the street, without having to worry about someone trying to get something. It was completely different from that time when you met each other in person, at the Central Park. You started to remember the first time you met in person that day; it was craziness. Darren was actually crazy to want meeting you in such a very public place as the Central Park was. You never thought about this before and you started to wonder why Darren made an appointment to meet you there and not in somewhere more private where nobody would see you or nobody would see what he was doing or with who he was. Central Park was like a risky place to him, and it was even more risky because he had no idea who you were at that moment; he had no idea how you looked like or what you could have done because he didn't know if you were a psychopath or not. Maybe that was the reason why decided to meet you in a public place, even though he knew that the most probable was that he was going to be kind of harassed by people, just how happened that day. Now that you finally were thinking about the first time you met in person, you were intrigued to know why he chose the Central Park to meet each other. And now that you were thinking about the time you met in person, you started to wonder why Darren decided to meet you in person and why without telling you he wanted so first. He vaguely told you why he wanted to meet you in person, but maybe that time you didn't have the confidence you both had now so he omitted some things. You truly wanted to know all of that now because you never asked those things before and it'd be nice to know. You glanced at Darren, he was looking ahead, smiling widely and relaxed. His face denoted a peace that you barely saw on him; you only saw that face when you were alone in a private place talking about random things as good friends. Because Darren, besides being your boyfriend, he was your best friend; and that was exactly the reason why your bond was very strong. Your boyfriend, Darren was your boyfriend. You couldn't get used to think of Darren as your boyfriend. Yes, you loved it but to be honest, you never had a real boyfriend before. Yes, throughout your life you had some love affairs, but there weren't so many and those weren't serious relationships. And you knew that what you had with Darren was something serious, something real; as soppy as it could sound, you really felt it was real love. The whole thing you had with Darren was completely new for you and you could assure that it was real love because you were still together despite all the bad things you went through. You glanced at Darren over again. How come you were his girlfriend? How come everything happened so fast? How come you were so in love in so little? The only fact to know you actually met through letters and now you were a couple was pretty weird and unusual, to not to say almost wacky. But the question that was going around in your mind and you couldn't completely understand, was why Darren fell in love with you. Why did Darren fall in love with you; you among all the girls in the world? Why did Darren fall in love with you, a person that was completely lost and distressed and angry and disappointed with everything when he first met you? What did Darren see on you that made you so special to choose you instead a beautiful, smart, cheerful and less complicated girl? Yes, Darren told you some reasons, but you couldn't get why he was feeling like that if you weren't a special person; you weren't an amazing person, and you weren't a person of steady temperament. He could have the perfect woman, but he chose you; a simple girl who could be easily forgettable, with a lot of problems and extremely complicated with a lot of things to learn about life. Why? You also wanted to know that, to try to fully understand the reasons. -_Look at yourself_- You thought inside. -_Years ago I was a nobody, completely by myself; and now I have the perfect guy next to me. I have the guy who taught me all the good things about life. The guy who gave me everything. I'm finally able to be with the person I love. And I'm loved by the person I love and that never happened in my life. And it isn't something faked as all the things I had in my past; it's something actually real. Who would say that a person like me who was completely worthless now was worth it for someone else? Me, the person who didn't have anything to live for. Me, the person who thought was meant to have only pain in life. Me, the person who couldn't conceive real love. Me, the person who wanted to pass away and end with any kind of bad thing. That kind of life seemed so far away now; that kind of life now seemed the life of another very different person. I'm different now therefore my life is different. And I never was better. This is what I always imagined to have but I never thought I could actually have. Finally. Finally my time to enjoy my life came_.- You got surprised when you realized that on the way to whatever you were going with Darren, you thought about a lot of things at full speed; but you couldn't stop thinking. You were so deep in thought that you didn't paid attention to where you were and how long you'd been walking. But you knew you'd been walking since a long time because your feet were starting to hurt. Why had Darren parked the car so far away from that place he wanted to go? You looked around and you understood the reason. You weren't in a common street; you were in some kind of alleyway, almost deserted. It was a restricted area for cars, so all you could see were some quirky people walking around and some dumpsters. You had to admit that if you were alone you'd never go there because it didn't seem a safe place, even though it wasn't a dirty place. Actually it was a very clean place and there were a lot of plants. You've never been in that place and you've never heard about that place. You were in an alleyway and that made you remind about a dream you once had, a dream where Darren was involved. Yes, you remembered the dream, Darren was playing the piano, and you found him at the end of the alleyway; but at that moment you didn't know that the mysterious guy was Darren, so you couldn't see his face. You remembered that you kissed on the dream. That alleyway was very similar to the alleyway you dreamed of; it was very similar that the fact of thinking about it was creepy. You've never been in that place but somehow it seemed familiar to you, and it wasn't because of the dream. It made you remind you about something that you lived when you were a little kid, when your father was still alive. But you couldn't tell what it was. You tried hard to remember that old memory, but you didn't get it. You couldn't understand why now you were thinking about your father, about the family you once used to have, about you being a little happy kid. It was a good feeling; it was a remembrance that made you feel nostalgia and happiness. Even though you couldn't picture that remembrance; you could feel it, and that was what made you feel good but odd at the same time. Oh no, why were you let out a tear? But you knew it wasn't a sad tear, it was just a tear of emotion. Anyway, you wiped it away very quickly and covertly so Darren wouldn't notice it. That place was special, you didn't know why but you felt it. You knew that you knew this place even though you thought you've never been there. But its essence made you remind your childhood. There must be a reason. All your thoughts were dispelled when you turned the corner to the right and stood on a worn wood door with a sign that spelled "Open". Above the door there was another sign that spelled "The Bean Corner". You couldn't see inside because the coffee shop didn't have windows; that was weird. You imagined that place as a very dark and dirty place; the facade was neither pleasant nor reliable. But anyway you followed Darren, who opened the door. You got amazed as soon as you got into the place. It was neither dirty nor dark. The illumination came from the roof, which was a glass roof with a metal structure, Parisian style. At the same time, from the metal structure were hung plants of all colors and textures, giving the place an almost wild and natural appearance, generating a warm microclimate. In the centre of the place there was a large fountain, which gave the place a harmonious and soothing melody. What was unusual in that place was that it had no tables. Instead of tables and chairs, there were metal coffee tables and cushions to sit, and the floor was a carpeted floor. There was no background music because the sound from the fountain was the music and also the place had a small stage where a woman was singing and playing the piano. It was a dreamlike place. Darren looked at you amused and smiling, obviously because he noticed that before entering the coffee shop you had a little disgusting expression on your face and now it was the opposite. He led you to some coffee table near the fountain, still holding your hand and he made a gesture to tell you to sit there. You sat on one of the cushions and Darren sat in front of you. Once you both were sitting in front of each other, Darren placed his hand on the coffee table to grab your hand, still smiling. His eyes had a glow of happiness.

"_**Is a very cool place, isn't it?"**_ Darren said, looking around.

"_**Is a damn hell of cool place."**_ You answered, still astonished and completely delightful for being in that place. _**"How did you find this place?"**_

"_**Well, when I was…you know uhm…being recognized by some people, I couldn't do all the things that I used to do with Chuck whenever we were in NYC. So we decided to stay at the hotel where I was staying or at Lyla's house. But, you know, it wasn't the same. We wanted to hang out, like before but it was almost impossible. So Chuck had this friend…"**_ Darren said, remembering something apparently. _**"Yeah, Chuck had this friend who used to come here because his friend is kind of naturalist and environmentalist; so he loved coming here. And also he worked here. He told us it was a quiet place, because all the people who come here come only to enjoy a relaxing time not to socialize or whatever. So yeah, we took his advice and we came here. We were all very excited and amazed because this place was so organic, man! We loved here and we were totally quiet and we could do all the things we wanted to do but we couldn't somewhere else. And here's even a stage, a damn stage where you can sing whenever you want!"**_ Darren exclaimed extremely excited and smiling widely, what made you giggle.

"_**Wise man, Chuck's friend."**_ You giggled, sweetened by his reaction. _**"I'm sure this place is gonna turn into my favorite place now. It's just so beautiful, flamboyant and eccentric. Everything is like…I don't know…like magical. I mean, you don't get to see places like this everywhere. It strikes me that not many people come here. Just wow. I wasn't expecting a place like this."**_ You said still astonished.

"_**Well, points for me. I changed your mind. I can swear that you were totally disgruntled to come to a place like this. You should have seen your face before getting here and after getting here. It's like your face changed outright, like a dramatic change, man. For a moment I thought that when I got distracted some aliens abducted you and changed you for another person, or on these terms, they changed you for an intergalactic monster dressed up as a person. In fact I was about to ask you how Rumbleroar looks like in person."**_ Darren said feigning seriousness and terror, raising his eyebrows and you laughed out loud. You loved this side of Darren, his random and goofy side. That was why you were sure you'd never get bored next to Darren.

"_**Sorry. I can't reveal the secret. All I can say is that Rumbleroar let me ride on his back because I'm a good student, like a smartass."**_ You said mystically and spellbindingly while Darren smiled entertained.

"_**Hello, guys. What can I offer you?"**_ A young lady asked politely with a smile, holding a notepad and a pen. You and Darren looked at the young lady.

"_**We'd want two chocolate-hazelnut macchiato with peppermint and chilli. And to eat we'd want a cranberry stuffing biscotti covered with chocolate and almonds."**_ Darren answered for you, with a charming smile while you looked at him frowning and confused.

"_**Good choice."**_ The young lady said smiling and taking note of the order. _**"I'll be right back with the order."**_ The lady said, before turning around to leave.

"_**What the hell is all that? That's the weirdest and quirkiest order I've ever heard! I'm thinking that you're the intergalactic monster one."**_ You said widening your eyes, totally dumbfounded while Darren started to laugh.

"_**Oh bullshit. I'm a starship ranger."**_ Darren said still laughing by your astounded face. _**"I told you I used to come here very often. I tasted absolutely everything here and what I ordered is the best. You're gonna love it, it's kind of aphrodisiac. The combinations of flavours, sweet and spicy, totally can drive you crazy. Trust me. After all, this place isn't very usual so is reasonable that the order also isn't usual. And…who said that usual things are cool? That's shit. The more unusual the better."**_ Darren winked at you.

"_**If I don't like it, I swear I'm gonna throw the coffee at your face."**_ You said threateningly but jokingly.

_**"Oh please. I'd rather to get sticky in another way."**_ Darren winked seductively at you.

_**"Oh, wanky. Apparently you don't need an aphrodisiac coffee; the whole place is aphrodisiac for you." **_You said mockingly.

_**"Or maybe you're aphrodisiac and I can't control myself from you."**_ Darren said flirty and slinky, roaring in a tease.

"_**Is that the way to get the attention of a woman? Does it even work for you?"**_ You laughed and shaking your head as soon as you saw Darren's reaction.

"_**You tell me. Does it work?"**_ Darren said, giving you a sultry look.

"_**Not at all."**_ You answered shrugging and pretending indifference.

"_**Oh no?"**_ Darren said, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes on purpose. _**"That makes me really sad, you know?" **_He pouted adorably.

_**"You're such an ass."**_ You said squinting and smiling amused. _**"I like asses, so. It's fine."**_ You shrugged again and laughed softly.

_**"Oh! A new discovery! Let me ask you something..."**_ Darren looked at you very sultry, raising an eyebrow. _**"Do you like my ass? Because I noticed you like to pinch it when you get horny. Now all makes sense."**_

_**"I can't believe this!"**_ You laughed, widening your eyes in disbelief. _**"If you think that way I can totally assure you like mine."**_

_**"And oh damn hell how I love it! I was wondering when was going to be the time you'd find it out."**_ Darren exclaimed exaggeratedly, looking at you totally amused.

"_**Awesome! Now I know your weak point and can have you grabbed by the balls."**_ You said victorious.

_**"Actually I wouldn't mind if you do it."**_ Darren winked in a kinky way, but funny.

_**"Has someone told you ever that you're the kinkiest man in the entire world?" **_

_**"No. But it's good to know. I'm a kinksual man. Sounds good."**_ Darren said teasingly with a cocky smile.

_**"Remind me why I'm with you." **_

_**"Because you adore my totally lack of appropriate behavior. Because you love my goober side and because I'm extremely adorable and cute huggable man."**_ Darren said overconfidently and smiling charmingly.

_**"Woah! Are you describing me the headmaster Zefron?"**_ You said craftily, raising your eyebrows and rascally smiling.

_**"Duh! I love Zefron and when I grow up I wanna be like him."**_ Darren teased you and both of you laughed.

You kept talking and teasing each other until the waitress arrived with your order. You weren't sure if you should drink that coffee because it looked really weird, but Darren told you it tasted good; but you should hesitate about Darren and his sense of taste because he wasn't a normal guy that liked normal things. Darren encouraged you to take a sip of your coffee and after a while of hesitating, you took a sip of that odd coffee. Oh crap. What the hell was this feeling? A very warm feeling started to run throughout your entire body. It was extremely spicy what made you redden; but at the same time it was very sweet that made you feel a delightful and pleasant sensation. You started to feel hot and flushed and you thought that was the aphrodisiac feeling Darren was talking about earlier. You exhaled and you felt as if you were sweating, all was ridiculously hot. Darren looked at you amused, smiling mischievously and raising an eyebrow.

_**"Told you that is aphrodisiac."**_ Darren chuckled and took a sip of his own coffee.

_**"Oh heck, I think I'm in the middle of hell and Satan is trying to take over my body because is fucking hot, like it burns." **_You said, still inhaling and exhaling. _**"This is completely exhilarating."**_

You kept drinking your coffee because it was kind of addictive. You were trying to control all your feelings, but you barely could contain yourself of being horny and extremely extroverted. You didn't know how on the earth only a coffee could make you feel like this, but you gave up on trying to control yourself. Darren also was more extroverted than normal and both of you were being exceedingly flirty and sultry. You still couldn't believe that you were able to be this affective with Darren in a public place. But here no one seemed to pay attention of what you and Darren were doing or saying. It felt good to do this with Darren; and between that good feeling and that horny feeling, you were driving insane. In that moment nothing else mattered but you and Darren. Then the physical contact started with touching hands, hugs, necking and petting. Neither of you both cared that you were in a place where anyone could see you. It was as if you were locked inside a cloud. Then Darren nibbled your lower lip and looked at you wildly.

_**"I have an amazing idea."**_ Darren said sultry.

Darren stood up and he grabbed your hand, making you to stand up. He pulled you to him and kissed you passionately before smiling naughtily. Then he ran with you, taking you to the stage. You looked at him in horror when you realized which his intentions were. But in that moment you were feeling extremely extroverted and wild so you didn't mind what you were about to do. You were feeling adventurous and willing to take any kind of risk. You barely could think what you were doing when you grabbed the microphone that Darren gave you and you and Darren started to sing like two loopy people. You were completely out of yourselves and you didn't care that now some people were staring at you both; cheering, singing and dancing. You didn't care that you now were gaining attention. When you finished singing, Darren pulled you into a fiercely kiss and you both started laughing. It didn't cross your mind in that moment that maybe it was the worst thing you could have done; it didn't cross your mind that maybe this whole situation could bring serious consequences. All that crossed your mind was that you were having a blast with the man you loved, acting naturally as you'd act if Darren were a normal and non-recognized person. Then Darren and you bowed to the impromptu audience and you came back to where you were sitting before, laughing out loud. You both started to talk about what recently happened, making fun of yourselves and the several clumsy moments you had on stage. Then Darren looked behind you, apparently a person was approaching and he knew that person, because Darren waved. You didn't turn around because you were trying to control your laughter.

"_**Chuck's friend, the one I talked you about earlier is coming here. You finally will meet the guy who at some point made this possible."**_ Darren whispered at you and you nodded, but you didn't turn around, not even when you felt the presence of a human being behind you.

_**"Boogabear?"**_ You heard behind you a very familiar man's voice.

All of a sudden your entire body started to tremble fiercely and your face turned pale reflecting frightfulness. You widened your eyes and you parted your lips that started to tremble preposterously. You started to pant, having difficulty breathing and the rhythm of your heart began to increase at a senseless speed. You were panicking, this wasn't possible. You haven't heard that voice since you were a little child; but that voice remained just as you remembered it.

"_**Boo, are you okay?"**_ Darren asked concerned about your sudden change of mood.

You didn't answer him, you couldn't do it, and you couldn't utter a word because you were in shock. You slowly turned around to see the person who was behind you. Definitely the person who was behind you was the person that you were thinking about. He was the man that you recognized only by his voice. He was just as you remembered him, only more grown up; but he remained the man you remembered. Your eyes filled with tears that you couldn't contain. Your body was still trembling and you were still horrified. He was looking at you in shock.

"_**Sorry guys. Do you meet each other?"**_ Darren asked frowning, very confused and bewildered.

"_**Y-yes."**_ You stuttered in horror and with choked voice. _**"He's my older brother."**_

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A/N: Hi guys! I know that I said this was going to be the last chapter of Chain Letters because I didn't have the time I had before to write. But some of you asked me to not to end it yet and that you maybe wouldn't mind the waiting. I hope I took the right decision of continuing this story and that you don't get mad at me because of my very slow updating! I hope also you're enjoying this story and you don't get tired of it. I want to apologize for all my grammar mistakes. I'd like to know what you think about how this story is developing and if you like it or not. I'm willing to take any kind of opinion or suggestion, don't be afraid to say honestly what you think. I swear I'm nice; at least I can't bite you through the computer, right? No, seriously, you won't make me feel bad if you say something that you dislike about the story and you'll make me feel really good, as you always do, if you have to say something you like about it! So thank you very much for your reviews and more important, thank you for reading my silly story! :)


	8. Chapter 8

_The twists of life lead you to unexpected ways. Unexpected things happen sometimes throughout all your life. Some of those things are good, sometimes those things just suck. You met again your older brother who you haven't seen in years; and it turned out that he was Chuck's friend, as if everything was connected at some point. He and you will have to talk about a lot of things. Meanwhile, Darren and you will have to overcome a series of obstacles that appear in the middle of your relationship. People, who you haven't seen in so long, finally appear; people, who you were used to be all the time, go away. Some people say that love is the key to make everything right, that love is powerful and it can overcome everything. Is it true? You'll have to prove it by yourself, as from your relationship with Darren. Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

A/N: Alright guys, finally here's next chapter! Wee! This is probably the longest chapter I wrote so far, so I hope you don't get annoyed of reading! Thanks for being patient and for keep reading this story. As always, thanks for the reviews and thanks for the private messages that gave me some advices to improve my writing! I'm gonna keep it in mind and I hope to not disappoint you! Now, I'm gonna stop talking, actually writing, to let you read this chapter. Enjoy it!

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**Chain Letters. Part 8.**

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"_**Oh crap"**_

That was the last thing Darren said before you, him and your older brother went to your apartment, right after you met your brother in that coffee shop. You haven't seen your brother since he had the chance to go away from your house, leaving you and your alcoholic mother alone. You haven't got news from him since then. You needed him after the death of your father, after all blurred and terrible things you went through when your mother started to take drugs and being alcoholic; but he wasn't there for you. And now he was there with you and Darren in your apartment, sitting on your table in silence, in a very uncomfortable situation for everybody.

"_**I'm gonna leave you alone, so you can talk."**_ Darren's voice echoed in the silent room.

"_**No, please stay."**_ You grabbed Darren's hand when he stood up to go away.

You needed Darren with you in that moment because this was a very hard moment for you and you couldn't be steady and you didn't know if you could contain yourself and your intemperance and dread once you and your brother got to be alone. Darren made you feel safe and, after all, he knew almost everything what happened in your past. You didn't want to be alone with that man that was your brother. Darren grimaced nervous and uncomfortable, but you looked at him imploringly. This was an awkward situation for Darren because obviously he felt as if he was nosy amid your family problem. But you really needed him.

_**"I don't want to disturb you and whatever you have to talk about."**_

You looked at Darren once again and then you looked at your older brother, who was in silence, looking down. You talked directly to him, with trembling but resolute voice.

_**"Would you mind if he stays here? It's important to me."**_

Your brother looked up to look into your eyes and he shook his head. Darren nodded and bit his lower lip, still uncomfortable but he sat again next to you. Darren looked down and he grabbed your hand under the table and you were very thankful for his action. Definitely this was a very uncomfortable and weird situation for Darren because your older brother was Chuck's friend and probably he was his friend too; and now it turned out that Darren realized that Jack, your older brother, was the man who left you alone when you needed him the most. You didn't know what Darren would be thinking or feeling now; but you knew he was confused and astonished by realizing this fact.

"_**Soon I'd have to go, you know, I have to pick up Sami from school."**_ Darren whispered in your ear.

_**"I can sort out it. Matt has free time and I could ask him to do me that favor."**_

_**"Matt?"**_ Darren whispered frowning. _**"I'm not sure..."**_

_**"Dar, if you don't want to be here I won't force you; but if not, Matt is my friend and he gets along with Sami."**_ You whispered back to him.

_**"Okay. Yes, ask Matt then."**_ Darren shifted uncomfortably in his chair while you nodded, grabbing your phone.

_**"Sorry."**_ You said directly to your brother. _**"I have to sort out something, just give me a minute."**_

_**"It's alright. I have time."**_ Your brother answered with an unexpected apprehensible tone.

You started to text Matt, asking him if he could pick Sami up because something that wasn't in your plans happened and you had to solve it. Not after long time, Matt texted you back.

**From Matt: "Count on me. Your text didn't sound so good. Is everything okay? Do you want me to come over before picking Sami up?"**

**To Matt: "Thank you Matt, I owe you one. No, nothing is okay, but don't worry I'm gonna clear it up. I'm gonna pick up Sami to your apartment later. XOXO"**

**From Matt: See you later, Shorty. Hope things work out for you and you and I are gonna have a talk later. Love you."**

You really loved Matt, he was always there for you whenever you needed him and he always knew the way to make you feel better. Your friendship grown up as the time passed and you were very close friends. Even though you were only friends, Darren didn't like Matt and he seemed uncomfortable by your relationship but he never tried to separate you from Matt. You put aside your phone and you looked up to find a very awkward Darren and a very silent brother.

"_**I'm gonna make some coffee."**_ Darren said, running his free hand through his hair.

You nodded and he stood up, going to the kitchen. All of a sudden, you got nervous and you didn't even know what to say to your older brother who was sitting in front of you. You actually had a lot of things to talk about to him but at the same time you didn't know what to talk about. It had been a long since the last time you saw him that you wanted some answers, you wanted to know why he disappeared all of a sudden and you never got news from him again; but at the same time you thought that it wouldn't make sense to talk to him now because now you didn't even know this man who was sitting in front of you, you didn't know anything about his life, and you weren't sure if you wanted to hear the answers he would give you. The fact was that you and your brother didn't look to each other and neither of you both uttered a word. Neither of you both knew how to start this conversation that you knew was going to be intense, as all the things that were related to your past. Darren, from the kitchen, looked at you encouragingly and he smiled fondly at you. That helped you take the initiative.

"_**It has been so long. Is crazy to see you again, I never thought it would happen."**_ You said firmly and looking very intently at your brother.

Your brother shuddered at the sound of your voice and he quickly looked up at you. You were looking coldly at him even though you were really hurt, tormented and frazzled inside. He, instead, was nervous and he had something in his look, something that baffled you. It was a sad but poignant look.

_**"Yeah, it has been a long. I wished for so long this moment to happen."**_ Your brother said candidly and you raised your eyebrows in stupefaction.

"_**After all that happened? You wished this moment for so long after all those years, after the fact that I needed you and you weren't there?" **_You frowned looking at him completely confused and hurt. _**"I was so little, Jack. And you didn't care; you didn't care that your little sister needed you, that she was suffering, and that she had to go through a very hard moment. You simply left me there alone with a woman who even wasn't able to take care of herself. You left me alone with all my pain, you didn't help me. And you never came back, I never knew from you since you left."**_

Your eyes filled with tears as you were talking to your brother. Just the fact of remembering the time when your brother left you, the fact of bringing all of this back to your memory; made you feel devastated because it was as if you had to live what you lived in your past over again. No matter how hard you tried to forget your past, it seemed you couldn't let it go. Your brother was silent but he was looking at you intently, he was respecting the time you were talking. Darren, from the kitchen, stopped making the coffee to look at you and listen what you were saying.

"_**I never could understand why you decided to leave me alone and never come back if we had a really good relationship. I never could understand what crossed on your mind to don't care about it at all. I thought that you left because of my fault, because you felt ashamed of me now that I wasn't..."**_ You inhaled deeply and closed your eyes, pressing them to not let fall down the tears.

All that happened that night when you were sixteen years old; the night that changed your life and was the mean reason of all the pain, trauma and problems you had throughout your whole life. You remembered it all that you tried to erase from your memory. The darkness, the fear, the alcohol smell, the rough touching, the laughs, and the moans. The night that you had been raped was now fresh on your memory and you started to feel that pain in the chest that didn't allow you to remain steady and firm. You covered your face with your hands to not let see neither of your brother nor Darren, you crying uncontrollably.

"_**...pure."**_ You finished saying with choked voice, still covering your face with your hands and crying. _**"Why did I stop being important to you to not care? Why did you disappear and you never tried to find me? We could have started all over again. I wouldn't have lived all the pain I had to live if you were there with me. But you were gone and I had no idea where you were. And I remembered all my life what you said the day before you left..."**_

"_**I asked if you'd love me no matter what it would happen to come and you said yes. And I told you to remember that you were always going to be in my heart and no matter where we were; we were going to be together always."**_ Your brother said and you put away your hands from your face at his words. He was looking at you with teary eyes.

"_**You promised me to stand by me. You promised me that you were going to be always with me; that you wouldn't let that something bad comes to happen to me. You promised me that you were going to look for me to be together again in the future. I didn't get what you tried to tell me with those words because in that moment we were together and I never imagined that you'd run away from that hell we were living, leaving me all by myself. And you never kept your promise."**_ You said hurt, looking into his eyes and bringing in all of those memories hidden in the recesses of your memory.

"_**I didn't break my promise. I had no option; I had to go that time. But I never stopped thinking of you; I always kept you in my heart. Maybe I couldn't be next to you physically, maybe I couldn't help you when you needed me the most, and maybe I couldn't save you from that hell; and I'm sorry about that. But I never ever stopped looking for you."**_ Your brother said, looking into your eyes almost desperate.

"_**Stop lying to me! I'm sick of lies, all my life has been a huge lie and I don't want to hear another damn lie!"**_ You said in disbelief, laughing bitterly. _**"I was finally doing alright before you showed up!"**_

You crossed the line, but it needed to be told because it was what you were feeling and you couldn't hold back it any longer. Your brother looked you hurtful before looking down and bit his lower lip. After a while he looked up at you again, deep into your eyes.

"_**I'm not lying."**_ Your brother sighed.

"_**Then explain me why it took you so long to find me. You weren't even looking for me. If it wasn't that I was in that coffee shop we'd never have met again. It wasn't so hard to find me; I wasn't the one who disappeared from the face of the earth. You were the one who ran away because wasn't brave enough to deal with the hell that was living."**_ You said distraught and jumbled.

In that moment Darren appeared with a tray with three cups of coffee and left it on the table. He quietly and silently sat next to you. He placed a hand on your thigh and softly squeezed it to calm you. You leaned your elbow on the table and held your head, trying to chill out to keep talking to your brother. After all you needed those answers. Your brother seemed to be finding the words to say you something, he looked thoughtful.

"_**I'm gonna explain you how the things actually happened. I won't expect you to forgive me, that's up to you. But I'm gonna expect you to listen my version of things."**_ Your brother said delicately as you nodded and Darren remained silent. _**"I don't know what our mother told you about me and my departure. But there's something that probably, more like surely, you don't know and you need to know; so that way maybe you'll understand the reasons why I went away and why it was so hard for me to find you."**_

"_**Go ahead."**_

"_**You know pretty well how hard our dad's death was and how it changed all we used to have as a family. You and I forged a strong bond between us in that moment, unlike Peter who decided to go his own way far apart from all the family. I always tried to stand by you in that rough moment because you were my little sister and you were very helpless against this, you were too young to have lost dad at that age. But I was completely wretched and I couldn't let you see me like this, hence why sometimes I used to draw away from everything."**_

Jack seemed to be deep in thoughts, remembering that moment when you recently lost your dad because he was like looking at nowhere. You also were remembering that moment, when Jack was your most important person to you, when he was your favorite brother and when you used to think that nothing was going to bring you down because you were together. But what you thought was very different of what actually happened. Jack disappeared and now he was trying to explain you his reasons. You weren't sure if you could believe him, but you needed to listen to him because maybe that way you'd understand all you couldn't when you were all alone. You remained silent to let your brother to finish telling his version of things.

"_**You were and you are my favorite sister, one of the most important people in my life. But horrible things happened after dad's death. It affected mostly to mom, who fell into drugs and alcoholism. She wasn't the same person than ever, dad's death got her very depressed; that's what led her to take wrong decisions and what made her being the horrid person she is now. I don't want to cram your head with my opinions about mom, but, as for me, I lost any kind of contact with her. I don't know about you."**_ Your brother said, looking at you apparently sullen at having thought of your mother.

"_**It doesn't matter what's my opinion about that person who is supposed to be my mother. And I don't get your point, I thought you were going to explain me why you left and never came back."**_ You answered distantly.

"_**Yes, that's what I want to explain you and our mother has a lot to do with all of this. She was feeling alone when dad died and she reached the nadir of her sorrow. Whenever she saw us trying to move on after dad's death, she was totally out of herself because she couldn't understand how we could get it and she couldn't. That bothered her to the point she got mentally insane and sick. She couldn't stand our happiness because she was selfish, because she was the one who wanted to be happy and she wanted to kill every moment of gaiety we had. You remember it, right?"**_ Your brother said doleful, looking into your eyes.

Old memories popped into your mind. You and Jack swinging on the swings and your mother coming up to you upset, taking your hand roughly, you crying and Jack yelling something to your mother. Jack teaching you to ride a bike, you smiling and Jack cheering you when you got it; your mother throwing away your bike and your mother raising her hand to slap him while you watched them unable to move because of the shock. Jack comforting you when you were crying because you lost your stuffed unicorn that your dad gave to you; your mother calling both of you stupid and retarded. Jack giving you a birthday cake that he made for you; you excited and then your mother throwing it at Jack's face. Hundreds of memories that you thought forgotten, reappeared in your memory.

_**"Yes, I remember."**_ You said bummed and aggravated.

_**"Then you might remember something that happened the night before I left."**_ Jack said sorehead, disgruntled and pissed.

_**"Sorry. All I remember is you telling me to remember that you were going to stand by me always, promise that you broke even though you say the opposite."**_ You said resentful and a little hostile.

_**"Yes, promise that I didn't break. But before explaining you it, i have to finish telling you why I left."**_ Jack said, hurt by your words. _**"That day mom was really upset because both of us sneaked out from home and we went to watch a movie because you were feeling sad and I couldn't stand seeing like that. When we came back, mom was sitting on the couch in the dark. She was completely out of herself, she was madder than ever."**_ Jack said this last coldly and a gloomy twinkle darted from his eyes. _**"She started to yell, she lost all her control, and it was scary to see her like that, looking at us in a rage. That time she crossed the line. She...god, she exposed dad's baseball bat, threatening us. She walked toward you, she was about to beat you, she went round the bend."**_

Jake's voice was trembling and it emanated anger and fear. Darren, next to you, was silent and befuddled; he was raising his eyebrows and his eyes were widely open as his mouth. Darren was silent but he was listening intently the whole story, always seeing you and your brother as you spoke. You looked down frowning because you were starting to remember that night. It was a terrific night that you erased from your memory because you didn't want to remember it, but now those memories were flowing in your mind so quickly and very fresh. Your mother waving the baseball bat in front of you yelling like a mad women, you remembered she was about to beat you when Jack stood in the way of you and your mother. He stopped her by punching her face. She fell off the floor bleeding and she looked at him with a stink glare. Jack quickly grabbed your hand and he took you to your bedroom, hiding you inside the wardrobe. Your mother walked in your bedroom. You couldn't see anything, you were terribly startled. All you could hear were screams and thumps, but you covered your ears because you didn't want to hear so you couldn't remember what they were screaming.

"_**I remember now. But…I don't remember what…what happened while I was…when you hid me in the wardrobe. I remember the screams and thumps. But I don't know, I was covering my ears. I can't remember what happened next. I was scared, so scared. What did our mother do while I was hidden on the wardrobe? What did she do with you?" **_

Now your attitude was different. You weren't angry your brother, you knew there was something that you never knew, now you knew there was a real reason why Jack disappeared all of a sudden and he never came back, and you knew that had something to do with your mother. Now you were trembling and you were scared to hear what your brother had to say. Darren looked at you astonished and aghast when you mentioned a little of what happened, surely he was picturing something on his mind.

"_**What our mother did was something unforgivable but I don't want you to know it. I don't want you to argue with her or whatever. She did it to me, not to you."**_ Your brother said distressed, looking down.

_**"For god sake, Jack! That woman and I are no longer relatives. I broke any bond with her. I'm not anymore a little helpless girl, I was forced to grow up when I was still young and I need to know what happened. What has she done to you?"**_ You asked desperate, looking intently at Jack.

_**"She thrashed me with that bat. Hard. I barely could move. She was yelling at me that she was going to kill me, that I was misbegotten. I didn't get what she tried to tell me, but I didn't care in that moment. All I wanted was to keep you safe because she was completely out of control."**_ Jack was sorrowful and gloomy.

_**"Oh damn. What did you do? What happened next?"**_ You asked terrified.

_**"I couldn't do anything. She took me by my arm; I was too weak to defend myself. She took me to her car and she started driving for hours at high speed. She was cracked and off her head. I thought we were going to die in that damn car but I couldn't move and I couldn't talk." **_Jack said with trembling voice and pained. _**"She drove me to some dessert place. I had no idea where I was. She left me there; she threw me down there as if I were trash. She told me to not come back or she was going to slay me and you. She told me to stay away from you if I wanted to keep you safe. Then she left."**_ Jack said tormented and biting his lower lip, he seemed completely mortified.

You were looking at him disturbed and obfuscated. Finally you knew the real reason why he left and why he never came back. And he didn't leave you alone, he didn't want to leave you; he was forced to be away from you. Your mother was the one who took him away from you. All these years that you had to live away from your favorite brother was because of your mother fault. You were feeling distressed and totally angry and huffy. You knew that your mother was a wicked person but you never thought she could be this flint-hearted to leave her own son neglected in the middle of nowhere. Your brother was banished from the family and you never found this out. It never was his fault as you always thought. You looked at him with a tearful and compassionate look. Darren was mute, perplexed and looking down while he was holding his head with his hand. Finally the loose ends of your past were tying up.

_**"So that's the reason why you disappeared. Because our mother kicked you out. And that's why you never came back. God, I always got everything wrong. I'm taken aback. I'm really sorry Jack; the way I treated you, the way I thought about you, I swear I had no clue of all of this."**_ You said with choked voice and regretful. _**"She banished you and she called you misbegotten. She's the most cold-hearted person I've ever meet. I'm sorry you had to been through this and I never knew." **_

"_**Yes, that was the reason. But I did, I looked for you after that. I knew you weren't safe with that woman and I wouldn't forgive myself if something bad were to happen to you. It took me so long because I had no idea where I was and on my way home, things happened. I finally arrived home. I was scared that our mother could catch me out, but I was there for you; to bring you with me so we could restart our lives away from that hell we were living. Our mother wasn't there neither you were. I went to your bedroom, your personal stuff wasn't there and I started to freak out. I had no idea what might have happened to you. I asked our neighbors, they didn't give me an answer. Finally an old woman approached me and told me that she saw you leaving the house with a suitcase and your mother was yelling at you to come back, but you left anyway. That calmed me a whole lot, but I was still worried about you. And San Francisco is damn hell of big city and I didn't know where to start looking for you. I went to your school but they told me you weren't going there anymore. I searched for you everywhere and I didn't find you, I was desperate, I needed to find you, I needed to know if you were safe."**_ Jack was telling you all of this desperate.

_**"I wasn't in San Francisco. And I left behind all that was part of my past; I didn't want our mother to find me."**_ You said to him almost in a whisper and your brother nodded. _**"I went to the suburbs of San Francisco. I started to go to a new school, I finished it. I was living in a rented a room in the house of an elderly couple. Once I finished school I moved. That's why you couldn't find me. Why did you give up on finding me?"**_

_**"I didn't. I've been looking for you all this time but I never could get anything. Now I understand why I didn't find anything about you. I saw the diploma hanging on the wall as soon as I got here. You changed your name."**_

You shifted uncomfortably in your chair, looking down and completely blushed and nervous. Darren looked at you puzzled and raising his eyebrows, with eyes wide open. Then Darren blinked and looked down frowning, disconcerted and he seemed a little upset; but he didn't utter a word.

_**"Yeah, I did. I wanted to leave behind all my past."**_ You said nervously and uncomfortably. Then you looked uneasily at Darren with remorsefulness. _**"I'm sorry I never told you. It's just...I didn't want to remember...I..."**_

_**"Forget it."**_ Darren answered frivolous, still looking down and frowning, waving his hand.

"_**Darren…"**_ You looked at him beseeching.

"_**It's alright."**_ Darren said short and he stood up. _**"I…I'm gonna clean this up."**_ Darren quickly grabbed the tray with the three cups of coffee that no one of you drank and he quickly went to the kitchen.

You saw Darren's face and that brought you down. Darren was sort of disappointed and miffed. You grabbed your head in despair and sighed. You were fucked up, you just knew it and you knew the fault was yours. You didn't know what to do because you wanted to talk to Darren about this, to explain him why you never told him that, to apologize for that; but you also needed to talk to your brother, to finish your talk, to clarify everything that happened because you knew there was something else. You bit your lip and frowned, then looked at your brother.

_**"Give me a minute."**_ You said and Jack nodded.

_**"Take your time."**_ Jack said understanding and gentile.

You nodded and stood up to go to the kitchen. You found Darren sitting on the floor with his feet shoulder width apart, with his legs in a triangular position; burying his head on his knees and his hands wrapped around his legs; leaning against the kitchen counter. You slowly approached him and sat next to him, in silence. Darren didn't move and he didn't look up to you, he just remained in the same position.

_**"Darren..."**_ You started to say softly, in a whisper.

_**"You shouldn't be here; you should be talking to your brother."**_ Darren interrupted you, still burying his head on his knees.

_**"I need to talk to you." **_You said pitifully.

_**"Oh yeah, we're gonna talk. But not now, later. Now you have to talk to your brother."**_

**"Darren, please, don't be like this."** You said desperate.

_**"How the hell do you expect me to be?"**_ Darren finally looked up to you. He seemed really upset. Then he bit his lower lip, strained, and he sighed. _**"We're gonna talk later."**_

Darren stood up and started to walk away from you. You also stood up and grabbed him by his arm, to stop him, but he sharply withdrew his arm from you. You looked at him drearily.

_**"I'm sorry."**_ You said regretful.

_**"Yeah...I'm gonna be in Sami's bedroom. Tell me when you and your brother when you finish talking."**_ Darren said frivolously and he left the kitchen.

You tried to hold back your tears and you came back to where your brother was. When you entered in the room, he looked up to you while you just stood there, looking down and biting your lips. You were a mess and you wanted to keep talking to him but you couldn't because you also needed to talk to Darren. What were you supposed to do?

"_**I think I messed up. I'm really sorry; I didn't know…I didn't even know he was your…boyfriend? And I didn't know he had no idea of your real name."**_ Your brother said, standing up to approach you.

"_**Yeah, my boyfriend. And don't be sorry, it was my fault."**_ You said and suddenly you started sobbing.

Then your brother did something that you weren't expecting and it felt extremely weird. He hugged you reassuringly, rubbing your back softly. Your body tensed at first, but then you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face on his chest and sobbing even more. On that hug from your brother you found all the solace you needed; you felt what you didn't feel in years. It was a feeling that only Jack could make you feel; it was that consolation that only your brother always could give you. It was real brotherly love, and you felt good to have your brother back. You didn't realize until that moment how you needed him all the time you were apart. Your brother, who you used to love when you were young, the one who disappeared from your life and you thought all these years that was because he didn't want to know anything of you; your brother that you got back, was hugging you. He broke up the hug to look at you.

_**"I still have a lot of things to tell you. But it's not a good moment now. You should go talk to your boyfriend. Now that I got you back, I can finally say that we can talk another day."**_ Your brother said smiling at you.

_**"Yes we can. And thank you, for understanding. Thank you for don't give up on me after how shitty I treated you."**_ You said with choked voice and shedding tears.

_**"Of course I wouldn't give up on you. You just treated me how I deserved if things would've been as you thought they were. It's...impressive to see how grown up you are."**_ Your brother said astonished and you half-smiled at him. _**"Well, I won't take longer. I'm gonna come over tomorrow. Now go talk to him. Be candid and open-hearted and you'll see that he's gonna understand you. If you think he's the one, don't give up on him."**_ Your brother smiled at you soothingly and you nodded, wiping away your tears.

Jack walked toward the front door and before leaving he turned around to look at you and smile fondly.

"_**I'm happy to have found you."**_

"_**I'm happy too, Jack."**_ You answered frankly and smiling affectingly.

Jack smiled once again before leaving. Now you were alone in the dining room and the silence freaked you out. You were nervous because you didn't know how Darren would react once you explain him why you didn't say anything. You didn't even know if he'd understand and forgive you. You took a deep breath before walking to Sami's bedroom. You opened the door to find Darren leaned on bed with his head buried on the pillow, covered with the quilt. He didn't move when he heard you entering the bedroom and neither when you sat on the edge of the bed. Your heart was beating fast and you felt a pressure in your chest, but you needed to talk to him.

"_**Darren…"**_ You started to say softly.

"_**How could you do that?"**_ Darren looked up to you indignantly, frowning.

"_**Because I thought that changing my name would be the best, that way my mother wouldn't find me. I needed to try to restart my life over again and just forget all the bad things that happened. Well, I couldn't forget my past but at least my mother didn't find me in a couple of years."**_ You said afflicted, looking down because you were feeling bad because of Darren's reaction.

"_**Oh dammit, I'm not talking about it. Yeah, it's weird that someone changes the own name, but yeah. Practically is understandable, even though I wouldn't do it. I get what was your point to have done what you've done. But my point is..."**_ Darren said really upset, raising an eyebrow and tensing his jaw. _**"Why the fuck didn't you tell me so? It's not like you hid from me what your favorite color is. You hid from me what you real name is! Your fucking real name! Do you have any idea of how I'm feeling right now?"**_

You remained silent, looking down, wanting to cry but trying to hold back your tears. Darren was right, you shouldn't have hidden from him your real name; but you never told your real name to anybody because you didn't want to be that person you used to be. Maybe your attitude was very childish but you couldn't help it. You were feeling really bad because of that and Darren seemed completely mad at you, and disappointed. Disappointment. The worst feeling that someone can feel when someone is disappointed of you; and more when it was from the person you loved. Darren bit his lower lip and then looked at you still very angry and bitter, puffing and blowing.

"_**I feel as all we…had is a damn big lie. Everything is a fucking damn lie. Nothing is real, like your name!"**_ Darren yelled raising his eyebrows enraged and you just closed your eyes and pressed them to hold back your tears. _**"I don't even know who you are right now. I don't even know if I know you at all; I don't fucking know what is a lie and what is truth and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because apparently you're brilliant and outstanding at lying. You weren't kidding me when you told me that acting is your passion, but I could have never imagined that you were referring to act in real life and not in a play."**_ Darren looked at you disgusted. He's never looked at you repulsed, as if you were some kind of sickness; and that made you feel terribly downhearted. _**"I thought you trusted me, I thought you always have been honest with me, I thought I was a trusted person for you; that both of us can make this work because we can count on each other. And I thought you loved me. Unquestionably, I was completely mistaken and I was such a dumbass! How would you love me if the livelihood and basis of a relationship, what makes it make sense, is trust and that's punctually what we don't have? What kind of love is that you have for me? Yeah, I know, a huge fucking fake love. What's the point of keep having a relationship based on lies and deceptions?"**_ Darren asked negligibly and enervated.

You looked at Darren in a shock, you were unable to talk and you wanted to tell him so many things. Your body started to tremble at hear those words from Darren's mouth. He was asking you what the point to keep having a relationship like this was. What was he trying to say? Darren never acted with you like this, he seemed as if he were sickened of you, as if you were an abomination to him. Everything was going so fast that you barely could settle down things on your mind to try to understand what precisely was happening. You didn't want to hear anything more from Darren because you knew what he could say after all of this and only the thought of that exasperated you.

_**"I never lied to you, Darren."**_ You whispered with choked voice and altered.

_**"Fuck it."**_ Darren yelled enraged. _**"You never lied to me but I didn't even know your name. What an incredible show! I'm not that jerk. So stop all that shit. At least have the decency and dignity to tell me the truth once for all!"**_

_**"I'm telling you the truth, Darren. And don't yell at me."**_ You said frowning and in disbelief.

_**"Oh sorry because I'm pulling out the entire letdown you caused me!"**_ Darren said sarcastically and insolently. _**"But hey, I'm being honest. What a cool thing, being honest, don't you think?"**_ Darren asked ironically and obstreperously.

_**"You're just being muffled and stupid."**_ You said helplessly.

_**"Holy my Godness!"**_ Darren laughed bitterly and sarcastically. _**"But you know what? Yeah, I'm fucking stupid guy, I've been a stupid guy all this time, wasting my time with a girl who is unable to trust on someone. I was a complete idiot because I thought I was important to you, that at least I meant something to you. Yeah, I've been a totally idiot because I let myself to fall in love with the idea of a person, because I fell in love with someone I have no idea who is."**_ Darren said frigidly looking at you apathetically.

Darren's words stung you in the depths of your heart. You were now entirely downhearted and broken. You couldn't utter a word because the lump in throat didn't allow you so. But you didn't cry, you didn't shed tears, you didn't scream; you were in shock because you couldn't believe all of this was happening.

_**"I'm sick of all of this."**_ Darren sighed sullenly. _**"That's it. I'm not gonna be with a person that wasn't what I thought it was. I gave you all I was afraid to give to someone and you fooled with it. And what hurts me the most is that you said you hated your mother because she was cold-hearted and you're just like her. You knew how hard it was for me to open my heart to someone and you just played with it. You just talk about how you hate the hypocrisy and you're such a hypocrite."**_ Darren sighed jaded and irked.

_**"I didn't..."**_ You said with choked voice and completely disturbed because of the comparison that Darren just made.

_**"I don't want to hear you anymore, dammit."**_ Darren exclaimed exacerbated. _**"I'm gonna take Sami with me, I'm gonna take all of her stuff, she's gonna live with me now. We need to go to that Matt's house so I can pick her up. I'd appreciate if you leave me alone now so I can do it peaceably."**_ Darren said phlegmatic.

You looked at Darren hurt and you stood up to leave. Darren ignored you so you finally left Sami's bedroom, closing the door behind you. You ran to your bedroom and locked yourself there. You leaned over the bed and you cried over all you were holding back while you were arguing with Darren. Darren just broke up with you and he didn't even understand you, he didn't even give you the chance to try to explain him the reasons why you did what you did. He misunderstood everything but you couldn't say anything in that moment because his words were very hard and hurtful to you so you couldn't utter a word because of the lump in throat. You just lost the man you loved and that brought you down, deeply heartbroken. But you knew you shouldn't give up on him; mostly because he didn't get how things were, because things weren't just as he pictured them. And you wouldn't give up on the man who saved you from the sorrow and gave you all the reasons to keep going on. But now, you just couldn't.

* * *

You and Darren were in front of Matt's apartment, waiting for him to open the door. Darren acted as if you were a ghost in all the way to Matt's house. He had packed all his and Sami's stuff, determined in his decision to leave you. Now Darren was looking away, crossing his arms and serious and you were just looking down, down because of the way Darren was ignoring you. You heard some steps coming closer and then Matt opened the door. He was smiling but then he looked at Darren, raising his eyebrows surprised.

"_**Hey man, I didn't know you were here in NYC."**_ Matt greeted politely, shaking hands with Darren. _**"Shorty!"**_ Matt smiled widely, hugging you and you smiled slightly at him while Darren just raised his eyebrows and looked away, upset. _**"Come in, guys."**_

Matt stepped back to let you and Darren to come into his apartment. You walked in first and Darren walked in after you, but he stayed away from you, avoiding your gaze. When Matt observed the situation he got bemused and he frowned slightly. The latest news that Matt knew about you and Darren were that you were doing really good, and now obviously the situation was tense and distant.

_**"Where's Sami?"**_ Darren asked curtly, looking at Matt earnestly.

_**"She's taking a shower; she said she wanted to be clean to some lunch she was going to have."**_ Matt answered still politely, but disconcerted because of the odd situation. _**"Please, take a sit. She's gonna take a while. She just entered to the bathroom."**_

Darren nodded and he sat on Matt's couch of one seater, in silence and looking away. Matt glared at you frowning with his look of "What the hell?" and you shrugged, muttering him that you'll explain later and Matt nodded. You sat on the couch of three seaters, looking down. Matt stayed stood, and he looked at you both.

_**"Would you like something to drink? Coffee, water, juice? Or maybe something to eat?"**_ Matt asked courteously. Both Darren and you shook your heads. _**"Fine, if you want something, feel free to ask."**_

Matt sat next to you, looking intently at Darren, who was resting his elbow on the armrest of the couch, resting his chin on his fist; staring into nothing. Then the uncomfortable silence started again and you started to get a little nervous. Matt caught the way you were feeling and he patted your shoulder reassuringly.

_**"So, Darren, when have you arrived here?"**_ Matt asked to Darren, breaking the awkward silence. Darren looked at Matt, startling by the unexpected question.

_**"Uhm...yesterday night."**_ Darren answered shortly and he looked away again.

_**"Oh, recently. Is it for work or only because you wanted to visit here?"**_ Matt asked, trying to start a conversation so the uncomfortable silence could end.

_**"Work. And of course, taking advantage to see...Sami."**_ Darren answered coldly, glaring quickly at you and then looking away again. You looked down sadly when you heard the way Darren emphasized only Sami's name.

_**"Yeah, naturally. You surely missed your girls here and what..."**_ Matt started to say, but Darren interrupted him.

_**"Yeah, I missed Sami."**_ Darren emphasized only her name again. _**"Could you teach me where the bathroom is? I need to hurry Sami up." **_Darren asked frowning, looking at Matt and avoiding your sad look.

_**"You don't bother..."**_ Matt started to say politely, but Darren interrupted him again.

_**"No, it's not for that. We need to go now."**_ Darren said harshly and Matt raised his eyebrows, consternated.

_**"Sure. Down the hall, last door on the right."**_ Matt said, pointing the way.

Darren thanked Matt and he stood, leaving you and Matt alone in his living room. Matt made sure Darren was away before looking at you completely confused and flustered.

"_**What the hell is going on here?"**_ Matt whispered at you. _**"I thought you were fine?"**_

"_**We were."**_ You answered him in a whisper, wretched and looking down. _**"He broke up with me."**_

"_**What?"**_ Matt squealed in shock, looking at you with wide eyes.

_**"Shush, Matt!" **_You whispered altered and jittery, looking in the direction where Darren was, to see if he heard Matt's squeal.

_**"Sorry. But really, what the heck?"**_ Matt asked this time lower, taken aback.

_**"I'm gonna tell you everything later, Matt."**_ You sighed and looked down, joyless.

"_**Fine. Now I get it, shit. That's why he was so quiet, that's why he wants to leave. Oh damn, it makes sense now."**_ Matt said, more like saying out loud what he was thinking for himself than really talking to you. _**"And Sami. He wants to bring Sami with him, doesn't he? He wants to take Sami away from you, right? Oh wow." **_

"_**Matt, please."**_ You looked at him supplicant and gloomy._** "Please don't say all that now; it makes me feel like crap. I just...I didn't see all this coming and now..."**_ Your voice started to tremble, trying to hold back the tears that now were appearing in your eyes.

_**"Hey, no. No, no, no. **__**I won't want to see you like this."**_ Matt said gently, placing a hand on your shoulder and squeezing it. _**"This is what we're gonna do. We wait until Darren and Sami leave, then we talk and I hear what happened. Then we're gonna figure out what to do. I know there may be something we can do about. So wipe away those tears because we're gonna make it right again."**_

_**"Y-yes. Th-thank y-you, Matt."**_ You stammered.

You wiped away your tears and hugged Matt, resting your forehead on his shoulder while Matt started to rub your back reassuringly. In that moment Darren popped into the room with Sami and he cleared his throat. You stopped hugging Matt and you looked up at Darren, who was looking at you both coldly. Matt bit his lower lip and he stood, looking at Darren in a weird way. Matt was looking at Darren a little disturbed and with a hint of displeasure and anger. Sami smiled at you and she walked to you, to kiss your cheek and look at you sweetly.

"_**I'm ready to go to McDonalds! I'm so very excited, aren't you excited auntie? What hamburger are you gonna choose? And after our lunch I'd love to eat a cake, a chocolate one!"**_ Sami said bouncing in happiness. _**"Come on, auntie! We need to go, uncle Dare said we were in a hurry!"**_

_**"Oh, Sami..."**_ You said a little sad and nervous.

You tried to hold back your tears and tried to find the right words to explain Sami that you wouldn't do it without hurting her feelings. She seemed very excited and you really didn't want to make her feel bad, but you had no options. Everything that you planned before was gone and you couldn't reverse it in that moment. Darren walked to Sami and he grabbed her hand a little rough. You looked up to him frowning and a little upset because Darren could be mad at you, but he had no right to treat Sami in that way because she had nothing to do of what happened between you and him. Darren ignored you and he looked at Sami sternly.

_**"Sami, i said you and I were in a hurry. She..."**_ Darren looked at you grimly. _**"She's not coming with us. So say goodbye, Sami. And hurry up."**_

"_**What? But you said that we all were going to…"**_ Sami started to say muddled.

"_**I know what I said. But that's not gonna happen and it's decided."**_ Darren said determined and bossy.

"_**No!"**_ Sami protested in a huff. _**"You promised! You promised!"**_

"_**Stop being so childish, Sami!"**_ Darren said serious, looking at her frowning. _**"Now say goodbye. We have to go."**_

"_**And where are we going and why auntie can't come with us? I want her to come with us!"**_ Sami threw a tantrum and Darren sighed, biting his lips. Then he kneeled and looked at her very intently.

"_**Sami…there are things you won't understand know, but you have to do so. Older people make decisions that sometimes young people can't understand, but with time they get to understand it. For now, you just have to abide by what older people say. We're going to live somewhere else now and she can't come with us because of reasons you can't know right now. So please, you don't want to go without saying goodbye. Don't make it harder."**_ Darren tried to say gently and Sami frowned, still confused and upset.

"_**I don't want to go."**_ Sami huffed and crossed her arms.

"_**Fine. I have no options then."**_ Darren said standing up.

Darren lifted Sami up and she started to throw a tantrum, screaming and trying to get away from Darren. Darren looked at Sami warningly but Sami kept screaming saying no repeatedly; what made Darren feel hysterical and seething. He walked toward Matt and Darren looked at him in apology because of Sami's behavior.

_**"Sami, stop it!"**_ Darren said frenzied looking at Sami and then he looked at Matt again in apology. _**"Sorry because all of this and thank you for taking care of Sami. Now, if you excuse me, we have to go."**_ Darren said, shaking his hand with Matt.

Matt looked at Darren scrambled, he was in shock because of all that was happening and he couldn't get what was going on. So Matt just nodded, without knowing what to do while you just watched how Darren was walking to the front door with Sami in his arms, without greeting you or saying goodbye to you. Darren opened the door and he stayed there without moving and giving you his back for a while, in silence while Sami was still screaming your name and yelling no. Then Darren turned around to look at you frowning and biting his lower lip, with a look that indicated dreariness and letdown. You only looked down at your lap, feeling very guilty and troubled.

_**"Bye."**_ Darren said curtly and then he closed the door, leaving you there more miserable than ever.

You closed your eyes while you were still hearing Sami's screams from the corridor. You tears started falling down your face wildly. It was very hard for you to see Darren like this with you and it was even harder to see Sami very desperate to stay with you and you weren't able to do anything at all. You weren't only separating from Darren, but also from Sami. You were totally falling apart and you didn't know what you should do. You couldn't talk to Darren now, because right now he turned a deaf ear to all that you said and because you couldn't really say anything because you were feeling down. But you also wanted to be idly, because both of them meant a lot to you and you didn't want to lose them. You felt how Matt sat next to you and you opened your eyes to look at him with teary eyes. Matt was looking at you with his eyebrows pulled in and partly up, with a sad look. You leaned your head on his shoulder and started to cry while Matt started to pat your hair softly.

_**"Calm down, Shorty, shh."**_ Matt said consolingly. _**"What happened? Why did you guy broke up?"**_

You looked up to find that Matt was looking at you confused but at the same time he was trying to comfort you. You took a long breathe to try to calm down and explain Matt all that happened between you and Darren.

"_**I lied to him."**_ You answered with choked voice, but trying to calm.

"_**You what?"**_ Matt asked even more confused and frowning. _**"You lied to him…what about?"**_

"_**I met my older brother and…"**_ You started to say, with a downward look.

"_**Wait, what? Have you met your older brother? The one you didn't see in years? When? How did this happen?"**_ Matt asked bewildered and flurried, with wide eyes.

"_**Yeah, I have met him this morning. Darren and I went to a very odd coffee shop and there he was. He recognized me and then we went to my apartment to talk."**_ You answered still looking down and sad.

"_**Oh damn. I can figure out that things didn't go well."**_ Matt said frowning.

"_**Oh no, no. I mean yes, things didn't go well but not because of my brother in particular. I mean, yes he had something to do with all that happened but he didn't do anything wrong…" **_

You realized that you were rambling because Matt was looking at you trying to get what you were saying but he was failing; so you sighed and tried to clear up your mind to explain the situation in a reasonable way.

"_**Okay. Let me start again."**_ You sighed and Matt nodded. _**"My brother and I talked about all that happened between us, actually almost everything. We cleared up the reasons why we got apart and I understood it. Anything was his fault and now I guess we're fine. And I'm really happy to have met my brother because now we can catch up and we can make it for the lost time. But he mentioned something…something that no one who knows me now knows it, not even you, not even Darren. Well, now Darren knows it and that's why he broke up with me."**_ You said with choked voice and started to shed some tears again.

"_**I'm not getting this."**_ Matt said frowning completely tangled. _**"So yes, I got that your brother and you now cleared up everything and that you're doing fine. And honestly I'm happy for that, Shorty. But, what's that he mentioned? It seems a big deal if it was the reason why Darren broke up with you."**_

"_**My name. He mentioned my real name."**_ You said sighing.

"_**Your real name? Okay really, I'm so confused Shorty." **_

"_**My name, the one you know and everybody knows, isn't my real name. I changed my real name when I ran away from my house. I never told Darren what my real name was and he thought I was lying to him all this time. He was disappointed because I didn't trust him enough to tell such a thing to him. My real name, Darren never knew my real name."**_ You started to cry again uncontrollably.

"_**Oh holy shit. It seems is gonna be a very intense conversation."**_ Matt said speechless and stunned. _**"Beer?"**_

"_**Don't you have something stronger?"**_

"_**Whiskey."**_

"_**Sounds better." **_

Matt nodded and stood up to get two glasses of whiskey and then he returned. You took a shot before start telling Matt all the events recently occurred. You told him everything: how you were feeling with Darren about not being able to have a normal relationship; how Darren took you to that odd coffee shop to have a good time together as a normal couple without having to worry of people approaching him to get autographs or pictures; how you drank that aphrodisiac coffee and you got unleashed and you and Darren went to that stage to sing and dance like crazy people; how people started to sing and dance along watching you both; how your brother recognized you when you were on stage and then he approached you; how you went to your apartment and talked to your brother about all that happened when you were very young; how the story between you and your brother actually was; how you forgave your brother because he actually wasn't guilty and he has been looking for you all this time; how you were happy because of that but at the same time you were feeling extremely gloomy because Darren was being cold with you after your brother mentioned your real name; the reasons why Darren broke up with you and how Darren was feeling like betrayed; you told him all the things that Darren said to you, how angry and disappointed in you he was; how Darren compared you to your mother; how you weren't able to utter a word because it was very hard for you to hear those words coming out from Darren's mouth; and how you felt when Darren started to pack his and Sami's stuff to go away, ignoring you and making you feel abandoned. You told him how you were feeling now about your brother, Darren and Sami; that you were in an all-time low. Matt didn't say a word while you were talking, but he was listening to you very intently, trying to understand the entire situation, rubbing your back whenever you started to sob or calming you when you were starting to get angry with yourself. When you finished talking, Matt sighed and he looked down a little befuddled.

"_**Oh damn, this is more complicated than what I thought or imagined."**_ Matt said biting his lower lip and looking up to you. _**"I'm gonna be completely honest here, please don't take it in a bad way. I'm just trying to help you out, and as your friend I'm not gonna lie to you."**_

"_**Alright, I won't."**_ You whispered, looking down and frowning. You had no idea what Matt would say to you and you didn't even know if he was also mad at you because you never mentioned him your real name.

"_**Okay. I think Darren acted in a way that someone else would have acted. Finding out something like that after…since how long? More than a year since you met him?"**_ Matt asked you and you just nodded looking down, because you knew Matt was right but it always is hard to face the rough reality. _**"Well, finding out something like that after a year you met and after all you've been through, after all the love and trust you both had…it's kinda shocking. Is normal the way Darren acted and you have to accept it. Try to walk a mile in Darren's shoes. The guy thought he knew everything about you, of course not everything but the most important things about you and the he realized that he didn't know the most important thing about you. How would you feel if Darren hides from you the most important thing about him all the time you were together? What would you think?"**_

_**"I don't know. I guess...I'd feel as if our relationship was a cock-and-bull story. Yeah." **_You admitted sadly.

_**"Right. That's how Darren is feeling right now. The boy decided to trust on you and give you everything; you told me it was hard for him to trust on somebody this much, but he did it with you because he loved you, or what he knew about you. And suddenly he finds out that what he thought about you wasn't completely true. You hid from him only one thing, but that thing wasn't a minor thing. Only one thing and now he doesn't know if all the things you showed him were completely true, because you weren't completely honest with him about everything. Obviously he would feel like betrayed, like he gave all to you and you didn't do the same for him. And a relationship has to be reciprocal, but it wasn't because you hid such an important thing from him. Clearly he wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't what he thought; nobody would like that. I won't deny the fact he loves you, because he really loves you; but for sure he doesn't know if he loves you or if he loves what he thought you were."**_ Matt said a little harsh and you felt really bad, because that was the reality you didn't want to accept. _**"I know I'm being rude, but the entire situation is rough. You need to try to understand Darren and to accept that the way he's feeling now is completely normal. Once you get to deal with it, you'd be able to change things and get him back, if that's what you really want. Can you understand him? For a minute just forget about everything and pretend that Darren was the one who did all of this to you. Just for minute try to picture how you would feel."**_

_**"Yes, Matt. But I don't want to accept it, I don't want to picture how it'd be if Darren was the one who did all of this, because I know what would be the answer, I know how I'd react and that freaks me out."**_ You said, looking at Matt desperate and dismayed.

_**"Listen, you knew this would be hard and you cannot throw away everything you feel, you cannot hide and pretend for a long time the reality of it. Sooner or later you'll have to deal with it; and it's better now than later, when it's gonna be late to regret all the time you lived lying to yourself. So I'm right here and now to help you out, or at least to try to do so. So, even though the answer freaks you out, tell me how you would react." **_Matt said softly looking at you intently.

_**"I wouldn't be able to forgive him. I'd break up with him and I'd never have a relationship with him again. Because if he lied me once, he probably would do it again, and I wouldn't want to be fooled again."**_ you answered with choked voice and weeping. _**"And that's what is gonna happen between us! Darren won't trust on me again, he won't come back! And that's exactly what I don't want to accept. I don't wanna deal with it because I can't stand the fact of picturing my life without him from now on."**_

_**"That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Yeah, Darren won't trust on you again, he won't come back because what you hid from him is a big deal."**_ Matt said nodding.

You just looked at him thunderstruck and frowning. It was supposed that Matt would make you feel better not even worse than you were feeling now. Matt was acting in a weird way, as if he was defending Darren and he was also feeling as Darren felt earlier. You couldn't get why he was doing this to you. He was making you feel as if you were completely a flint-hearted person, a completely bitch who caused s lot of pain to everybody; and probably you were, but that wasn't what you wanted, you never did all the thing you did on purpose with that intention. Matt always knew the way how to make you feel better and keep going, but this time he was doing the opposite and you wondered if something on your relationship changed when he also found out that he didn't know your real name all this time.

_**"But there's something that makes the difference."**_ Matt said redundantly and you looked up at him, stunned. _**"You didn't hide it from him with the intention to hurt him. You never wanted to lie to him, it never crossed your mind; only for the simple fact you don't feel identified with your real any longer, because you aren't that person you used to be a long ago. For you it was natural to be called by your actual name, because that was your real name for you and not you birth name. You never lied to him because you showed him how it is truly you. The person of years ago with another name isn't what you are now, because with time you've grown and you changed yourself, including your name. You have to understand Darren but he has to understand you too; as I said, the relationship has to be reciprocal. He wouldn't forgive you, he wouldn't come back if you actually lied to him, but you didn't do it. You just never mentioned your real name because you weren't that person, because you're now the person that he fell in love with. All the things he loved about you, those things aren't a lie."**_

_**"But...he can't see things that way. He..."**_

_**"I can imagine what he feels. And yeah, I won't lie, it's gonna take a long time until you get to talk to him and try to get him to understand you. But he still loves you; he cannot stop loving you from one day to another. And believe me when I say that he probably is more confused and lost than you now. You have to give him time until he can clear up his mind and he calms down. In the meantime, you have to do the same. Try to find out what you really want and if you'd risk all you have to be with him, if you'd be able to give him absolutely everything about you to him. If you're willing to do it, then I don't see why your relationship is not gonna work."**_ Matt said convincingly.

_**"But what if not? What if...?"**_

_**"No. Don't start with that thing of what if. If you truly love him, then things will flow naturally. It could sound sappy or whatever, but it's unbelievable the power of love goes a long way when it's real. And I know that what you have is real because I know how your entire relationship developed throughout the entire year. And remember that every single relationship in world has ups and downs; you'll always have fights and bad moments. If everything in a relationship were perfect, then it isn't a real relationship and it's a huge bullshit; it'd be a farce because it'd mean you don't have a strong bond to deal with your troubles that every human has." **_Matt said true-heartedly and you nodded in agreement. "So don't be scared, things are gonna work out; whatever it comes to happen."

"_**Yeah, I hope so. Matt…" **_You looked at him with teary eyes. You were thankful because of the way he said you the truth of things and not just kind words to make you feel better.

"_**Nothing."**_ Matt said smiling at you and caressing your shoulder_**. "And what Darren said, when he compared you to your mother, he said that as a defense mechanism because of all the pain he was feeling. Because humans are so when someone hurts us, we always seek to hurt the people who hurt us in their deepest point of weakness, even though we don't mean it or even though we know it isn't true. And you always say the worst things to the people you love most, because we know that those who truly love us will always forgive us, because the people who love us most are the people with whom we free ourselves. Humans have always been like that for unexplained reasons and this is how it has worked ever since."**_ Matt said twinkling and shrugging.

_**"If you weren't gay, you'd be the perfect guy for me, Matt."**_ You said giggling softly, more cheerful and Matt laughed along with you.

_**"Probably not. I'd have a guy who would kill me only to get you. I must admit that is scary the way Darren looks at me, even though he know I'm gay."**_ Matt said widening his eyes and then he laughed again.

_**"Yeah, probably not. I wouldn't want you to be killed. What would I do?"**_ You said frowning exaggeratedly and then you leaned to kiss his cheek softly. _**"And for the record, Darren still doesn't know you're gay."**_

_**"What the hell Shorty? If you don't tell that to Darren, then your adorable friend you're looking at right now is gonna be buried seven feet under soon." **_Matt said with an exaggerated grimace of disturbance.

_**"Then you're gonna be my very first zombie best friend."**_ You said winking at him, jokingly.

_**"And then I'm gonna turn you into a zombie!"**_ Matt said with a weird grimace pretending to be a zombie and you laughed when he lunged at you, pretending to bite you.

You were joking Matt in that moment, but there was a thing that was true. You didn't know what you'd do without him and his friendship. Matt was the best friend you could have asked for.

* * *

_THREE DAYS LATER…_

* * *

It was snowing and it was a very cold morning in NYC when you were shopping for Christmas. Everybody in the shopping was happy and with the Christmas spirit; it was cheerful to see everybody like that, but you couldn't feel that way. Christmas for you always was a sad day because it reminded you all the Christmas you spent with your family when your father was alive, all together having a dinner and waiting for Santa to leave the presents under the Christmas tree. But it turned into a sad day when you drew away from your family and you had to spend Christmas completely alone, seeing how everybody was happy and you couldn't have it. You never got a Christmas present, you never gave anyone a Christmas present, you had no one to spend the Christmas, you didn't even get a greet. And this time you thought that everything would be different because you had Darren with you and also Sami who still believed in Santa. But Darren didn't call you, he didn't text you, you had no idea what he was doing or how he was feeling or thinking. You had imagined spending Christmas with Darren and Sami, like the closer thing you had as a family; you thought that with them both you'd have what you used to have in this special day; but none of that was going to happen. But you were there anyway, buying some presents for Sami, Darren, Matt and April. You didn't know if you were going able to give those presents to Darren and Sami, but you didn't care, you needed to buy them something because they were the most important people for you. However, Matt invited you to go to his place on Christmas because he was going to be alone since his family went to Europe for holidays. Of course it wouldn't be the same as if you had Darren with you, but Matt was your best friend so surely you'd have a good time with him and you weren't going to be alone. Suddenly your phone buzzed and you checked it. Your heart started to beat faster when you saw that Darren was the one who texted you.

**From Darren: Hey, are you free this afternoon?**

That was a weird message. You started to freak out in the middle of the mall and you had to sit in chair near there. Finally Darren had texted you and he was asking if you were free that afternoon. Maybe he wanted to meet you; maybe he finally was ready to talk and try to fix things between the two of you. Maybe after all things weren't so screwed as you thought, maybe Matt was right. But, were you ready to talk to Darren of everything that happened that afternoon? You were still nervous and your mind was a mess, thinking about everything; but you wanted to talk to Darren because you needed to explain him your point of view that three days ago you couldn't. But you actually didn't know what Darren wanted, so you just decided to reply his text message.

**To Darren: Hey Darren. Yes, I'm free this afternoon. Why do you ask?**

**From Darren: Oh, cool. I was wondering if you could go to the Central Park about 4pm? Sami wants to see you.**

**To Darren: Yeah, sure I can. Where?**

**From Darren: Same place. You know where it is. See ya.**

**To Darren: Gapstow Bridge over The Pond, 4pm. Gonna be there, later.**

You needed to come back to your house and get ready. You were going to see Darren again after all that happened and you really wanted to see him. He didn't mention anything about talking; he only mentioned that Sami wanted to see you and you wanted to see her also, you really were fond of her and she was very important to you, you were used to spend all the time with her and now being apart for three days was hard for you. Maybe you were going to spend time with Sami and then Darren and you would talk. You were completely nervous but you needed to do it, so you left the mall to come back to your house.

* * *

You were in the Gapstow Bridge over The Pond, waiting for Darren and Sami that yet haven't arrived. It was already very late and you started to wonder if they changed their plans and they forgot to tell you. Even though you enjoyed being there and mostly now that was everything covered with snow, you were already getting very cold and you needed to drink something hot or go to a place to get warm. When you checked your wristwatch and you saw it was already 5pm, you decided to leave. But that was the moment when you felt how a snowball crashed on your face, making your face to freeze. At first you got a little upset because you were grumpy because of the fact that Darren and Sami stood you up. You looked in the direction where the snowball came, to look at those kids who were playing near you. But you didn't see those kids; instead them you saw Darren and Sami walking toward you and laughing. You wiped away the snow from your face and smiled at them, shaking your head. Sami came running to you to hug you while you kneeled to hug her. She looked really happy and you didn't realize how much you missed her even though you haven't seen her only for three days.

_**"I gave you!"**_ Sami squealed happily and bouncing of excitement. _**"My aim is getting better!"**_

_**"Yes, it is. But let's see who wins when our snowball war begins!"**_ You said challenging Sami jokingly.

_**"Bring it on!"**_ Sami said excited, getting in defense posture.

_**"Not now, Sami. I wouldn't want freeze you in the first ten minutes of the afternoon."**_ Darren said amused, looking at Sami playfully. Then Darren looked up to you and he changed his amused expression, getting more serious and you stood up, getting nervous and slightly sad because of his sudden change of expression on his face. _**"Hey."**_ Darren said curtly, nodding his head.

"_**Hi."**_ You answered looking down a little sad because of Darren's taciturnity.

"_**So Sami, now finally you're here with her as you wanted."**_ Darren said looking at Sami with a half-smile and then he looked at you._** "I'm gonna leave you alone now, so you can spend some time together. Text me when Sami gets tired or if she wants to come back. I'm gonna be near here."**_

"_**Oh. Yeah, sure. I thought you were going to…"**_ You said frowning and puzzled because you got everything wrong. Definitely Darren didn't want to see you.

"_**No, I'm not gonna stay here. So, have fun."**_ Darren interrupted you sharply.

"_**Yeah, I got it. Sure, I'm gonna text you."**_ You said nodding but looking down, trying to hide your disillusionment.

"_**Great."**_ Darren answered unemotional and then he looked at Sami. _**"Please Sami, behave and be careful. Tell her when you want to come back to home and I'm gonna pick you up. And of course, have fun."**_ Darren said smiling, patting Sami's head.

_**"Uncle Dare, please stay! I don't get why you don't want to stay. Uncle Chuck said you don't have to work until after Christmas Eve!"**_ Sami said frowning and complaining.

_**"We talked about this already, Sami."**_ Darren said warningly.

_**"But please! I want to spend the afternoon with both of you as you promised days ago!"**_ Sami protested.

_**"Sami..." **_Darren said strictly.

_**"Just a few hours. It wouldn't be that bad to spend together just a few hours. Pretty please?"**_ Sami begged, looking at Darren with the same puppy dog eyes of Darren.

"_**Fine."**_ Darren sighed, frowning and biting his lips. _**"Just a few hours."**_

"_**Thank you uncle Dare!"**_ Sami bounced in excitement and hugged Darren by his legs while Darren giggled softly. _**"We should go ice skating! I love it!"**_

"_**Alright, but if I fall, you gonna have to help me stand up."**_ Darren said giggling. _**"Thankfully almost no one's gonna recognize me with these threadbare clothes."**_

_**"Yes, you look terrible."**_ Sami said serious looking at Darren who was wearing some frayed pants, a Roger Rabbit hoodie, a black beanie and a colorful striped scarf. He also was wearing shadows glasses, and not his usual pink glasses. _**"You could at least have mixed and matched your clothes. Aren't you ashamed to go out looking like that?"**_

_**"Woah! Are you ashamed of your adorable quirky uncle?"**_ Darren asked amused and playfully frowning.

_**"No, but when you go out like that, yes." **_Sami answered still serious. _**"Whatever, you'll have an intensive class of how to mix and match clothes later. Now can we go ice skating?**_"

_**"An intensive class of how to mix and match clothes. Weird when you get an advice like that from a little girl."**_ Darren said laughing.

_**"I'm not a little girl!"**_ Sami huffed, crossing her arms and frowning and you laughed softly.

_**"Sorry, miss I'm super old and wrinkled!" **_Darren laughed at her jokingly but Sami didn't laugh along with him. _**"Okay, okay. It's just a joke, Sami! Don't look at me that way, miss. Fine, let's go ice skating only if you change your face."**_

_**"Yes!"**_ Sami said now smiling widely and Darren shook his head in disbelief, smiling.

You all started to walk in silence to the Central Park's Wollman Rink in silence. Sami was extremely happy and excited, Darren was walking with a slight smile on his face joking Sami, and you were walking in silence and looking down. It was nice to spend time with them as you wanted, but what you didn't want was to be feeling this uncomfortable. You knew that Darren didn't want to be there, not because he didn't want to be with Sami but because he didn't want to stay near you. You could notice it because of the way he was ignoring you and he changed his face expression every time he looked at you. You've imagined spending time with them but being happy, just enjoying the time together; but this was completely different. You wanted to be happy for Sami and just act naturally, but you couldn't because you were feeling really bad inside. Maybe this was a bad idea. When Sami ran to the ice skating rink very excited to get Ice skates, Darren got closer to you.

"_**I want to let you know I'm doing this only because of Sami and nothing else."**_ Darren whispered harshly in your ear and then he walked faster to approach Sami.

As soon as Darren told you that, you stopped walking abruptly. What he said hurt you deep in your heart; he had no need to tell you that because you've guessed so since the very first time he said he wasn't going to spend this afternoon with Sami and you. Yes, you had hopes that maybe after a few hours he was going to be better with you that maybe he'd want to talk to you; but now he made it clear. You shouldn't be feeling this bad because you knew that probably Darren would say something like that; you've talked with Matt about this and you had to understand Darren's reaction and the way he was treating you. You understood Darren, but it didn't mean that you were going to feel indifferent at his rough words. Why did it have to be so hard to handle? You really wished that things could be different now, but it was heartbreaking instead. You shyly and sad walked to the ice skating rink, where Darren and Sami were already ready to start skating. Once you got there, you stayed quiet, watching them both with no intentions to join them. Maybe you could only watch them having a good time; seeing the two of them happy made you happy as well. It seemed that they forgot you were there because they were skating very happy and laughing; it was amazing to see them like that. No one recognized Darren yet, so he was enjoying the time with Sami and both of them knew how to ice skating. Then you got distracted with a woman who fell off and her friend was helping her to stand up; you thought you could be that woman and that made you giggle softly.

"_**Hey, aren't you going to join us?"**_ You heard Darren's voice.

You turned your gaze to look at Darren who was standing in front of you with a smile because of the good time he was having. Sami now was skating with a little boy, her own age, so Darren was standing in front of you alone. His smile made you feel a little better, it was adorable seeing Darren that happy and laid back.

_**"If you didn't bring money to rent ice skates, I can give you money. You know I wouldn't mind at all."**_ Darren said smoothly, very different than the way he talked to you minutes ago.

_**"Oh, no. You know I wouldn't accept it. I don't like very much when people pay things for me."**_ You answered a little embarrassed, slightly blushing.

_**"Oh bullshit. Come on, let's go get some ice skates for you."**_ Darren said jovially.

_**"No, oh no please."**_ You said this time more embarrassed, shaking your head.

_**"Why not? You wouldn't leave me ice skating alone like a fool. Seems that Sami made a new friend."**_ Darren said looking at Sami who was laughing, still playing with that boy. _**"She totally forgot her uncle."**_ Darren frowned still looking at Sami and that made you laugh, what made Darren look at you, amused. _**"Not funny, I feel replaced. So, come on, I'll rent those ice skates for you."**_

_**"No, Darren. No. It's not about the money..."**_ You stopped laughing to feel embarrassed again.

_**"So why? Oh, got it! You really want to see me making a fool of myself."**_ Darren said squinting still amused and you giggled nervously, shaking your head.

_**"No, not at all. It's just...Uhm...I never...I don't...oh damn."**_ You stuttered awkwardly, blushing increasingly.

_**"Hay, chill out! Seems that you're gonna explode judging by your really flushed face."**_ Darren said chuckling softly. _**"Just tell me why you don't want to go ice skating. It's simple."**_

_**"I've never ice skated before. No one taught me how to do it."**_ You whispered completely abashed. Suddenly it seemed that it wasn't a very cold day because your face was extremely flushed.

_**"What?"**_ Darren asked with wide eyes and raising his eyebrows, stunned.

_**"Yeah, you know. I never learned. So no thanks, I'll pass."**_ You whispered even more embarrassed, looking down and starting to walk away, but Darren followed you.

_**"Hey, no wait!"**_ Darren yelled behind you, approaching you. _**"I'll teach you. It's not that hard. Have you ever roller skated?"**_

_**"No. Never. I didn't have the chance, you know...My childhood...no."**_ You answered awkwardly, wanting to disappear from there.

_**"Well...I'll help you. You'll see, maybe at first is gonna be a bit hard but then you'll want to skate all the day long. Come with me."**_ Darren said making a gesture with his hand to follow him and you, unsure and doubtful, followed him.

Darren rented you some ice skated and told you how to put them, still encouraging you to do it. You had no idea why you were listening at him; you knew this was a bad idea and that you surely would end lying on the ice skating rink all bruised and making a fool of yourself in front of million people who were there. But Darren always had that power of conviction in you. He could tell you to jump off a cliff and you'd do it only because he said so and he convinced you. Once you finished putting on the ice skates, you started to freak out unable to move. Darren laughed softly at your panic face.

_**"C'mon, stand up."**_ Darren said encouragingly and you did so. You wobbled but didn't fall, feeling exceedingly nervous.

_**"I can't do this."**_ You said panicking, trying to not fall.

_**"Yes, you can. Come on, now just slide very slowly."**_ Darren said reassuringly.

_**"Alright."**_ You said freaking out.

You tried to slide but you wobbled and you almost fell off, but Darren quickly grabbed you by your waist to keep you from falling. Your heart started to beat very fast, not only because you almost fell but also because finally you felt Darren's touch. You felt his warm hands on your waist as you were wanting since the time you brawled. You didn't know how this was happening after Darren treated you harshly minutes before, but it felt nice. Maybe he was doing this only because Sami was entertained playing with a boy and he didn't want to ice skating alone, missing the opportunity to do something like that that probably hadn't done in years. Whatever the reasons were, you needed to enjoy this moment, but you couldn't because you knew you were going to fail ice skating.

_**"See? Goddamn, Darren, I can't do this shit!"**_ You said embarrassed and scared to fall down.

_**"Biggest bullshit ever. I told you i was going to teach you."**_ Darren said laughing stilly and he grabbed your hands. Wow, that felt really nice and he made you feel safe. _**"Now just trust me. Slide slowly, like this."**_

Darren started to slide very slowly still grabbing your hands and looking at your feet to see how you were sliding. You both started to slide on the rink very slowly and a bright smile appeared on Darren's face. You started to laugh nervously while you realized you were doing it.

_**"Yeah! Just like this! See? You're doing it!"**_ Darren exclaimed excited and you started to feel more secure. _**"Come on, let's increase the speed."**_ Darren moved to get on your side, grabbing only one of your hands and he started to slide faster along with you. _**"Good job! Now let's do this. Place your feet in V position, heels together and toes apart. Now bend your knees slightly with your arms out like an airplane's wings. Yeah, like that. Now lift your knees, keeping your feet in the V position. Now push your skate out to the side, not to the back as in walking. Yeah! Just like that!"**_ Darren said smiling widely, looking at you while you were sliding nervously but more secure now.

_**"Am I doing it right?"**_ You asked still a bit jumpy but excited and happy. It was feeling very good sliding on the ice skating rink.

_**"Very good!"**_ Darren said encouragingly, still grabbing your hand. _**"Now, faster!"**_

You both started to slide faster and you were losing the nerves you were feeling before. It was a weird feeling being skating, as you were free. Then Darren looked up to you, still smiling.

_**"Ready to do it by yourself? I'm gonna be right next to you just in case." **_

_**"Okay. Yes, maybe I can do it."**_ You said tense but you wanted to try it.

Darren nodded and he let out your hand. At first you wobbled but then you recovered the stability and started to slide naturally. You squealed in excitement when you got it and Darren cheered you. You were feeling extremely happy and that feeling of freedom. Darren was sliding next to you, checking you all the time just in case you lose control and fall down. But you were doing it and you were feeling very safe. But then you saw how a little kid was approaching you and you started to freak out because you didn't know how to turn.

_**"Darren! Darren! Oh my god, Darren! What do I do? Tell me what I have to do! I can't turn around. Darren, I'm gonna crash that kid!"**_ You yelled completely scared.

You noticed that the kid was also learning how to ice skating and he also didn't know how to turn around. You were very close and the kid also started to yell, what made you feel even more scared and you started panicking. You closed your eyes when you saw the kid closer because you knew that you were going to crash him. But then you felt how Darren's hands took you by your waist, making you slide away from the kid. But in that movement, your feet tangled with Darren's, making both of you totter off balance. You felt how your face crashed the cold ice and then you felt how Darren fell on top of you. You finally opened your eyes feeling pain in your entire body and you saw Darren wincing in pain. Darren was still on top of you, his face only five inches from yours; he was so close that you couldn't avoid your desire to kiss him as you were used to do, you really missed him, and you couldn't be enmity with him. Darren got jittery and quickly he moved away from you, kneeling next to you and looking at you with wide eyes.

_**"Oh damn shit! Are you okay?"**_ Darren asked concerned while you sat on the rink, still a little painful.

_**"Yes, yes. I'm fine."**_ You answered, your voice trembling and rubbing the side of your face that crashed on the ice, which was the most painful.

_**"Let me take a look."**_ Darren said, still concerned and moving away your hand with which you were rubbing your face. _**"Oh crap! It looks terrible, it's all bruised. Does it hurt? We should get something to put right there."**_

_**"No, Darren. I'm fine, I swear. It was just a small hit."**_ You said frowning and shaking your hand.

_**"But really, it looks so bad."**_ Darren said worried.

_**"Darren, please!"**_ You said this time looking at him and then suddenly you started to laugh out loud. Darren looked at you confused and frowning.

_**"Why are you laughing?" **_

_**"This was just so funny! The whole situation, me freaking out, you trying to safe that poor little kid who was flipping out, falling and crashing the ice. The adrenalin that I felt. Oh gosh! This was the funniest thing I've ever done! Look at us! We totally messed up and we're all bruised but anyway it's the funniest thing ever!"**_ You shouted of laughter and Darren started to laugh along with you.

"_**We cannot be tamed." **_Darren laughed amused_**. "I think we should do our very own commercial. Wanna make a fool of yourself? Wanna learn how to be clumsy? Wanna cause an epic fail riot? Just hire us, you'll be ensured to obtain a high quality product. Call us at 212-DORKS for more information."**_

_**"Oh my god, you dummy."**_ You burst of laughter, nudging Darren playfully.

"_**Come on, just let's go find Sami. I think both of us need to be slammed with something hot, then we're gonna be able to beat that sneaky devil cold ice that hit us!"**_ Darren said randomly, standing up and stretching his hand to help you up.

Darren grabbed your hand to slide together and keep you from falling again, both of you still mocking of yourselves. Finally you found Sami that was still playing with that little kid. She was very entertained but when she saw the two of you, she widened her eyes in astonishment.

_**"What happened with you?"**_ Sami asked looking at your faces.

_**"Oh well, the ice wanted to check how our faces tasted. Apparently we're delightfully warm. Or we were."**_ Darren answered laughing along with you.

_**"You act as if you were my age!"**_ Sami said shaking her head. Sometimes Sami seemed more mature than Darren and you.

_**"Hey, I'm just four years old. I'm just dressed up as if I were twenty-five."**_ Darren said jokingly and Sami looked at him in disbelief. _**"Miss, don't look me that way! Let's go Sami; I invite the two of you to get some hot chocolate." **_

_**"Hot chocolate! With marshmallows?"**_ Sami bounced excited, this time acting as the little girl she was and you smiled at her adorableness.

_**"Only if I get a hug."**_ Darren said looking at Sami amused. Darren kneeled and waited for Sami to hug him. She hugged Darren tight and you just smiled widely. You loved to see Darren and Sami like that, it was completely lovely.

Darren, Sami and you went to get hot chocolate as Darren promised. You didn't know how this was possible, how all of a sudden it seemed as if Darren and you never argued. You were acting naturally and Darren was being very nice compared how he acted with you the last days. That was making you feel very cheerful but you knew you still had to talk to Darren to clear him everything, but now you had hopes again. You felt that you still had chances to make it work. But then Sami went to the bathroom and the situation between Darren and you turned tense and uncomfortable as before. Darren was quiet, focused on his hot chocolate and avoiding your gaze. That made you feel bewildered because it was a dramatic change. You didn't talk because you really didn't know what to say, because you couldn't understand why Darren suddenly was this cold again if you were doing more than well minutes ago.

"_**It was a funny day."**_ You finally broke the silence.

"_**Yeah."**_ Darren answered curtly.

"_**Is there something wrong? Because it seems you suddenly change your mood."**_ You asked frowning and Darren looked at you raising an eyebrow.

"_**Look. Only because we just had a good moment minutes ago, it doesn't mean that things are fine now. Don't think that I forgot what you did. I wouldn't have done this if it wasn't for Sami."**_ Darren said forthright and you looked down, biting your lower lip. _**"And yeah, Sami wasn't with us for a moment. And yeah, the two of us enjoyed ice skating; but I did it because after all we were there to enjoy the afternoon and I wanted Sami to interact with more people of her own age. But I think I made clear how things are between you and me." **_

"_**Yes, right. Darren, I'd like to talk to you about it." **_

"_**But I don't want. I got over all of this. What you have to say won't change what I think of you now. Listen, maybe I overreacted when I compared you with your mother and stuff. Maybe you're not a bad person, but you're not for me. I need an honest person who can trust on me and you just proved me that you can't do it. So please I don't want hear from you that you're sorry and that you want to make things work, because that's not gonna happen. We tried to make things work over and over again, and we never get it. Yes, we had amazing time together; yes, you made me feel happy; I won't deny it. But I imagined you as the person as I wanted to have next to me and not the real person you were, otherwise I'd have noticed that you were lying to me all the time we were together. And I'm not blaming you; I'm blaming myself also for being so blind. So just i don't want to hear what you have to say to me. Just forget about me and restart your life without me, you'll find someone who's accurate for you. That person isn't me, I don't want to make this work anymore; I don't want to force a relationship that isn't meant to be. It's over, and it's determined for me. It should be determined for you too."**_ Darren said bleak but frigid.

Darren's words pierced your chest as if you were being stabbed. He was very resolute and he made clear that he wouldn't come back with you. You heart was breaking in million pieces and you felt terribly dejected. All that Matt and you talked about was in vain, because now you knew you had no chances. Maybe it was time to forget Darren as hard as it was going to be. You didn't know if you could forget him, but you couldn't live all your life wishing to have Darren back if he made clear that everything was over and that wasn't going to change. He didn't even want to listen what you had to tell him and that was unfair, but you couldn't do anything about it and less in that moment when you were broken and you couldn't talk without starting crying. You needed to go away and come back to your house to let out all the tears you were holding back in that moment. Then Sami returned and you looked away so she wouldn't see your teary eyes. You tried to contain yourself and pretend you were okay to not make Sami get worried and to not screw the afternoon.

"_**Well Sami, it's kind of late and we should come back."**_ Darren said looking at Sami.

"_**Right now? Okay. Is auntie Ari coming with us?"**_ Sami said, yawning.

"_**Sami I told you to not call her like that anymore."**_ Darren said softly, uncomfortable. _**"And no. She's going to her apartment and we're going back to house. Surely Chuck is making dinner."**_

"_**She could join us."**_ Sami proposed.

"_**No, Sami. Come on, grab your coat, is cold outside."**_ Darren said, standing up and grabbing his coat.

"_**Fine. But we're gonna see her again soon, right?"**_ Sami asked, yawning again.

"_**Maybe. Now hurry up or Chuck is gonna be in a rage if we're late."**_ Darren said, helping Sami to put on her coat. Once both of them were ready, Darren looked at you. _**"Here, the money to pay the hot chocolate."**_

"_**No, please."**_ You said shaking your head, still looking away.

"_**Yes, I invited. Take it."**_ Darren said, leaving the money on the table. _**"I wish you a Merry Christmas ahead. Hurry, Sami. Say bye and let's go."**_

_**"Bye auntie Ari!"**_ Sami said smiling at you and kissing your cheek. You hugged her tight. _**"I hope to see you soon."**_

_**"Bye, Sami. I hope the same. Remember that I love you"**_ You whispered in her ear, with choked voice.

_**"I love you too."**_ Sami said with a bright smile, before leaving.

Darren and Sami left you alone there, completely anguished. Maybe that was going to be the last time you were going to see Sami and Darren. Maybe that was the last hug you gave to Sami, the girl who was like your daughter for you. You saw also how the man who you loved was walking away from you to maybe never come back. Restart your life without them seemed to be impossible to do for you. You felt neglected as you felt when you were young and you lost your family. You were losing a family again.

* * *

_FIVE DAYS LATER…_

* * *

It was Christmas Eve and you were at Matt's apartment as you've planned. Your brother had called you to invite you to spend Christmas Eve with him, but you told him that you already had promised your friend to be with him. You haven't had the chance to meet him again and talk about all that was left open between you. You really wanted to talk to your brother but this wasn't a good moment for you because you were feeling a complete mess after the last time you saw Darren. You knew what you had to talk to your brother was going to be intense like the time you met him about a week ago, and you couldn't stand more intense things right now. So you explained your brother what happened between Darren and you and he understood the reasons why you couldn't talk to him yet, that he was going to wait for you whenever you were ready. He was really nice to you and he wished that all between Darren and you could work, because he saw you both really happy that day in the extravagant coffee shop. Regarding your brother, you were feeling good. Probably that was one of the few things that made you feel happy that moment. Somehow you felt that things between Jack and you could be fine, that finally both of you would be able to be real brothers again as you once used to be. Regarding Darren, you had no news from him. He didn't give you any signs of life. You had no idea how he was, where he was, if everything was alright, if he was happy now without you or not. You didn't know because he neither called you nor texted you. You once texted him because you couldn't stand not knowing anything from him; you only texted him asking how he was and how things were going with Sami; but he didn't reply you. You waited for his reply all day long but you didn't get anything, making you feel distressed. Undoubtedly, he was very determined and serious when he told you that he didn't want to know anything more about you, that all was over. You wondered how you could be this broken and Darren could have forgotten you so fast. Why was it so hard for you and it seemed it wasn't hard for him? You wished you could be like Darren now, maybe you could be feeling better at the moment. But you knew which was the reason why you were easily forgettable for him but he was an unforgettable person for you. It was because you rebuilt your life around him and with him, he was the actual reason why you were still here, and because he meant all the good things you had in your life. Unlike, you were just a simple girl for him who randomly showed up in his life, but you didn't do anything special for him, at least what you did for him was nothing compared to all he did for you; so it was obvious that he'd forget you easily and it'd be hard for you to forget him.

"_**You seem very thoughtful tonight, Shorty."**_ Matt's voice said behind you.

You were leaning on the railing of the balcony, overlooking the big city of New York covered with snow and filled with millions of colorful lights that decorated the buildings. In the atmosphere felt the Christmas spirit listening to carols sung in the background. It was peaceful and cheerful to see everything like that, all very beautiful like a dreamlike. Matt stood behind you and he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder and looking at the precious city before looking at you with a smile.

_**"Splendid, isn't it?"**_ Matt whispered cheerfully in your ear.

_**"Stunning. This is what Christmas is, huh?"**_ You said this time looking at Matt with a smile.

_**"Almost."**_

_**"What's that thing of almost?"**_ You asked frowning and slightly amused.

"_**Well, let's see this way. We both love the theater, right? So, let's exemplify this as if it was a play. New York City, cold and covered with snow, Christmas lights coloring the city, a big Christmas tree that is highlighted in the city. That's the scenery."**_ Matt said sparkly with a wide smile.

_**"Yes, I'm picturing it."**_ You said looking at Matt amused and joyful. You loved those things about Matt.

_**"Perfect. Now you hear carols everywhere. That's the soundtrack of the play. But we need the actors. You and I, the starring actors of the big play of all time called The Christmas Eve."**_ Matt said grabbing your hand and looking at you entertained.

_**"I like how it sounds so far."**_ You said giggling.

_**"Of course yes, it's the best play ever seen."**_ Matt said nodding and smiling. _**"But what would be the play without an audience to watch it? Who will be the audience?"**_

_**"I have no idea. Seems it's just you and me, but we're the starring actors."**_ You said shrugging.

_**"Wrong answer."**_ Matt said raising his eyebrows and looking at you mysteriously. _**"Sometimes the audience is hidden, sometimes the starring actors can't see that audience but it doesn't mean that it's not there."**_

_**"Do you mind to elaborate?"**_ You asked intrigued and amused.

"_**It's not an usual play. It's innovative and spirited. The audience is ephemeral, unlike the usual plays where the actors are ephemeral. This time the actors are only you and I, and the audience is inconstant. The audience who is gonna be at the beginning of the play is gonna be different from the audience who's gonna be at the end of the play." **_Matt said mysteriously.

_**"Sounds...weird but interesting. But who is gonna be the people who's gonna be at the beginning and who's gonna be the people who's gonna be at the end?"**_ You asked absorbed on Matt's explanation.

_**"Well, the actors never know who's gonna come to watch the play, right? That's the exciting part. Everything is a big mystery and we have to find it out as the play progresses."**_ Matt winked and you chuckled.

_**"Oh, I see. It's like a big adventure, isn't it?"**_

_**"Exactly!"**_ Matt exclaimed, clapping and you laughed out loud. _**"But hey, every play has a plot to be developed. Wanna know how it is?"**_

_**"Of course. Bring it on!"**_ You said eager.

_**"Well, you know that a play can be in two ways. The one that is all planned and the one that is impromptu. Well, the interesting thing of this play is that is half planned and half impromptu. The planned part is that the two starring actors are gonna have an amazing Christmas dinner, they're gonna enjoy this Christmas as never before even though they're alone. Because the message we want to make there is that you don't need a lot of people to have a great time on Christmas. You can enjoy it even though it's a lonely Christmas; the spirit is what counts here. You don't need a lot of people, you don't need millions of presents or a huge dinner, and you don't need a huge Christmas tree or luxury decoration to feel the spirit of the Christmas. And do you know what that Christmas spirit is?"**_ Matt asked you and you shook your head, very touching by Matt's words.

_**"No, I don't."**_

_**"To spend it with the people you love. Maybe you can't have all the people you love at the same time with you. Some people isn't in this world anymore, some of them are far away, some people are apart and as much as you'd want to be with them you can't, some people just decided to spend the Christmas with other people because their family has grown. But it doesn't mean that we aren't spending Christmas with them, as long as we keep them in our heart and mind. That way you celebrate Christmas with all the people you love, and you don't need anything else because you know you're happy for that."**_ Matt said adorably and you looked at him with teary eyes.

You knew why Matt was saying all of this to you and you were very thankful that he was saying all that in a subtle way. It seemed as if Matt could read your mind, he could always sense what you were thinking or feeling and he always knew what to say. He knew that for you Christmas was actually a sad day; because your father wasn't here anymore; because you didn't have a family to spend it, and because Darren and Sami were now apart. But he was changing your point of view, he was making you see Christmas as you should since long ago; and he was right. You turned around to face Matt and you grabbed his hands, looking at him deep in his eyes while he smiled at you.

_**"That was beautiful."**_ You said softly with a slight smile.

_**"Yeah, the whole plot of the play is beautiful. But that's not everything. The starring actress, that is, you; is gonna get a present from the starring actor, that is, me. But before it, they're gonna have that Christmas dinner. After the starring actress gets the present from the starring actor, everything is gonna turn into an impromptu play. They don't know what is gonna happen; they'll let the story unfold naturally, without having to worry about following a script. The question is...Will they finally find out what the real meaning of Christmas is? And that's the main topic of the play. What do you think about it? Will you take it?"**_ Matt asked you expectant and looking at you kindly.

_**"Well, I have to talk to my manager. But I must admit that I'm quite interested of portraying that role-play."**_ You said captivatingly, raising an eyebrow amused.

_**"Well played. This time we can skip the manager part. You're free to take you decision." **_Matt winked and laughed softly.

_**"Then, I take it. When do we start?"**_ You asked enthusiastic.

_**"Perfect! We start right now, if you don't mind." **_

_**"I don't mind at all. Let's do this."**_

_**"We've got this on the bag."**_ Matt winked and laughed along with you.

Matt led you to the dining room. He had already everything prepared and he had refused to get any kind of help. He had done dinner by himself, he set the table, and he decorated the whole room. You didn't celebrate Christmas since ten years ago and now you were doing it, and you weren't alone on that date; you were with your best friend who made all of this for you. A huge feeling of happiness came over your body when you stopped to think about it. Yes, you have imagined spend that day with Darren and Sami; but as Matt said, they were with you in your heart and mind, so you didn't feel so down about it as minutes ago. Matt and you had an amazing Christmas dinner full of anecdotes, laughter, stories, exchange of views on certain issues, among other things. You forgot about all the bad things and you just let yourself enjoy the excellent moment you were spending with Matt.

_**"We're gonna change the traditional way of celebrating Christmas to be more spontaneous and unpredictable."**_ Matt said, after he finished eating dinner.

_**"What?"**_ You choked with the wine you were drinking, laughing senseless. You were a little tipsy and so was Matt.

_**"Yeah, check the time. It's almost midnight. When the clock strikes midnight, you're gonna get your present. Santa gave me it this morning. I met Santa, wow! He must have been really lost, because...since when Santa gives the presents on Christmas Eve? And since when Santa shows up in front of someone? He usually is very stealthy!"**_ Matt exclaimed exaggeratedly and you burst of laughter.

_**"We're in presence of a hip Santa!"**_ You laughed hard along with Matt.

"_**Look, look, look! It's midnight! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"**_ Matt yelled excited and he stood up to hug you tight while you started to laugh.

This wasn't what you planned for Christmas, this wasn't what you expected on Christmas a year ago; but it was happening. You were being extremely happy and no one could take away that happiness and that wide smile you had in that moment. You hugged him back, and suddenly you started to shed some tears of joy. You saw Matt and you found that Matt was also shedding some tears of joy. You didn't know if this was due to alcohol or if it was due the both of you were really happy to have each other in that cold and white Christmas. But you knew that moment was very special, a moment you won't forget; because this was what a really Christmas was supposed to be, because this was you very first real Christmas in years. And you knew it was the same for Matt, because Matt didn't have a family to celebrate it since his parents reject him for being gay. You knew this was very important for Matt. In that moment anything else mattered, there were no bad moments on your minds; it was just him and you, with nothing special or luxurious but the fact to spend this day with a person you truly loved. Matt looked for something on his pocket and then he gave you a small gift box, with a wide smile on his face.

_**"Merry Christmas, Shorty."**_ Matt said sweetly and you smiled at him with teary eyes.

You opened the small gift box that Matt gave to you. It was a fine silver drama mask necklace, with your name and his name engraved on the back. It was precious and surely it was very expensive. You couldn't accept it; you really didn't like people spending their money on you, and more when it was something expensive. You looked up to Matt with teary eyes and a fond smile.

_**"I know it isn't a big deal. But I saw it and I thought you'd like it since both of us love drama. And our names are engraved. It's just a little thing that I wanted you to keep as reminder that I'm gonna be always with you, in good and bad times. I'm gonna be always your friend, because you became my best friend and you mean a lot to me. And I'm being all sappy and stuff, but it's true."**_ Matt said smiling affectionately at you.

_**"Matt, I love you."**_ You said with choked voice and you hugged him tight, shedding some tears on his shoulder. _**"I have something for you too. It isn't as amazing as this…"**_ You said pointing the necklace that now was on your neck_**. "But it's something."**_ You smiled at Matt and you looked for the gift you bought the day you met Darren. _**"Here it is."**_

"_**You didn't have to, Shorty."**_ Matt said, receiving the gift box.

"_**Oh, bullshit. Just open it!"**_ You smiled and Matt opened his gift.

"_**Oh no, you didn't!"**_ Matt said laughing when he saw your present. _**"What's up with you and your funny gifts? Oh damn, you're awesome. This is awesome!"**_

"_**You know there's nothing better than a funny gift."**_ You laughed along with him. _**"Like it?"**_

"_**As if I couldn't!"**_ Matt said, taking off his t-shirt to wear the new one you gave him, emblazoned with a heart and a cock. _**"How do I look?"**_ Matt said laughing with a grimace sexy.

"_**If I were a boy, I'd be so into you."**_ You winked at him and both of you started to laugh.

"_**I'm gonna keep it in mind. If you turn into a boy, just call me."**_ Matt winked seductively and he started to laugh out loud.

Then your phone started to buzz. In that moment Matt tried to control his laughter and so did you before checking who was calling you. Probably it was your brother and you didn't want him to hear you laughing uncontrollably because he'd know you were tipsy. You shushed Matt and then you checked who the person who was calling was. Your laugh disappeared and your heart started to beat fast because of your nerves when you saw Darren's name.

_**"Why the face, Shorty? Just answer the call!"**_ Matt said softly and you shook you head, serious. "Who is it?" Matt asked, this time gingerly and curious.

_**"Darren."**_ You whispered looking at your phone still buzzing.

_**"Answer your phone!"**_ Matt exclaimed, hurrying you.

_**"No, Matt, no! I can't! I was having a good time and no...What if he doesn't have something nice to say? Things aren't good between us!"**_ You said panicking while your phone was still buzzing.

"_**Listen. Remember what I said about the play turning into an impromptu play? Remember what I told you about the ephemeral audience? Well, Darren is the audience now and this is the impromptu play. You'd never know how it's gonna end if you don't find it out. It could be a good thing. Come on, answer your phone!"**_ Matt said reassuringly and encouragingly.

"_**Okay, fine."**_ You said looking at Matt in horror, trying to control your nerves before answering. _**"Hello?"**_

"_**Oh goddammit! Why did it take too long to answer?" **_Darren's voice said, slurred. _**"It seemed light years, man!"**_

_**"Sorry, I was...busy." **_

_**"Busy? Oh got it, you're with other man, aren't you? I don't even know why I'm calling you. Why am I calling you? You must be having fun with that guy and I'm here, bothering you. Put him on the phone, I want to talk with that guy!"**_ Darren's voice said a little upset, still slurred.

_**"I'm not. Darren, are you drunk?"**_ You asked suspiciously.

_**"What's the matter if I'm drunk or not! Screw that, screw everything, screw you!"**_ Darren's voice said frustrated, still slurred. Definitely he was drunk. _**"Yes, screw you...that's it. I told myself to screw you, but here I am, calling you. You know why?"**_

_**"No."**_ You answered curtly, trying to ignore those words from Darren.

_**"Because you played with me, you were so bitchy but I can't get over you. All the things I've said to you on the snack bar, it was all a huge bullshit. Not really. I've said the truth, but the truth is also I can't take you off my mind. Why do you have to pop in my mind all the fucking time? You were so fucking beautiful that day. I wanted to kiss you. But you're not what I think you are. And yet I still miss you. Why? I love you, I love you so much. But I don't even know if I love you, because you're not you. And you hurt the other day when we were ice skating. Are you okay? I worried so much when you fell. And you told me you didn't know how to ice skate, not even roller skate! How in the hell someone doesn't know how to do it? And I was a totally fool and douchebag because I haven't thought about your childhood that moment. That broke my heart; thinking about all the things you missed. And I wanted to make you happy, to give you all the things you didn't have. But I can't do it because I have to forget you. Damn, get out of my life! Help me to forget you!"**_ Darren rambled slurred, sounding frustrated and desperate. You tried to follow all he was saying, but he was talking really fast and he was rambling so much that it was hard for you to understand. But what you heard was hurting you, even though you knew he was drunk.

"_**Slow down, Darren. I can't understand all you say."**_ You said quiet, trying to hide how gloomy you were feeling. _**"Where are you now?"**_

"_**Why would I tell you where I am? I won't say it. I don't want you to come over where I am. Stop it, stop texting me. It fucking hurts to get a text message from you and not replying it. I don't want to hear from you. But at the same time I want to hear from you. Oh holy shit, I'm so fucking screwed."**_ Darren sighed in frustration and he remained silent for a while. _**"I need you. I'm driving to your apartment. I want to be with you. It's fucking Christmas and I've been waiting for this day for so long, to spend it with you. And look at us! We're not together. Everything went to hell and I didn't have this on mind. I broke up with you. Why the hell did I do that? Do you have any idea of how hard it was for me? Seeing you sad face when I broke up with you, it destroyed me. But it was what had to be done. I've imagined both of us in the future, happy, having a family, being together; not like this shit. It's so fucking unfair, you know? You could have told me your real name, I'd have understood you; but you didn't and that lie was what killed me, what killed our relationship. But I need you, so I'm driving to your place."**_

"_**Darren, you're drunk! You can't drive!"**_ You squealed edgily, getting very nervous.

"_**I'm not that drunk and I can perfectly drive. I need to see you."**_ Darren said determined, still slurred.

"_**Darren."**_ You said strictly. You needed to be determined because Darren really couldn't drive while drunk; he could end up in a car accident and you wouldn't forgive yourself for not preventing it. _**"Stop the car right now."**_

"_**I won't do it. Don't you want to see me as well? Don't you miss me as well? I miss you like hell and I want to spend Christmas with you as I've planned."**_ Darren said stubbornly, babbling.

"_**If you don't stop the car right now you won't see me never again, I swear."**_ You said rigorously, trying to stop Darren.

"_**Maybe I should keep driving then. After all that's what I need, never see you again. That way I'd forget you; that way maybe I'm gonna be able to get over you. Shit, I don't even know what to do; I've never been this insecure before." **_Darren said doubtfully.

"_**Then if you keep driving I'm gonna keep popping in your life, so you won't be able to forget me." **_You said brusquely, trying very hard to convince Darren to stop; the situation was freaking you out.

"_**But I also want you in my life. See? The fuck! I can't make a decision. Fuck my life."**_ Darren complained angrily.

"_**Fuck, Darren! Stop the damn car right now and don't argue! Right now!"**_ You yelled authoritatively.

"_**Woah!"**_ Darren exclaimed, apparently surprised by your authoritarian tone. _**"Fine."**_

"_**Good."**_ You said more relaxed now you heard Darren parking the car, completely stopping the car. _**"Where are you?"**_

"_**I don't even know where I am! I only want you to be with me. I can't drive but please come over. Please."**_ Darren begged and stammered with difficulty because of alcohol.

"_**I wouldn't be able to do so if you don't tell me where you are."**_ You said clearly, trying to find out where Darren was because you couldn't leave him alone while he was drunk.

"_**If I tell you…Would you promise to come here?"**_ Darren asked hoarsely.

"_**Yes, just tell me where you are. Something. Tell me what you see around." **_

"_**Uhmm…"**_ Darren muttered with difficulty, apparently he was trying to recognize something. _**"I see… a weird building, white; it looks like a white ribbon curled into a cylindrical stack. I don't know man it seems a spring. Who would build something like that? I have the feeling that if I climb the top I'm gonna start bouncing, man."**_ Darren said incredulous and delirious.

_**"Darren, please focus on describing where you are."**_ You said roundly.

_**"Yeah, right. Okay that weird building is on my left, it's between two rectangular buildings. On my right there's a lake. I think is Central Park. Yeah, and I see a bus stop sign. It spells M1, M2, M3 and M4. I don't know this place is so familiar."**_ Darren said confused.

_**"Yes, that's because you're in Upper East Side, surely 5th Avenue. And yes, what you're seeing on your right is the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir and on your left you're seeing the Solomon Guggenheim Museum." **_You said, also thinking were Darren was. You were almost sure he was there.

_**"How do you know all those things? Damn, you're good."**_ Darren said hoarsely and surprised.

_**"Darren, please listen. Stay right there, please don't move." **_You said firmly and clearly.

_**"Yes. Stay here, don't move. Noted. I'll wait for you, please come."**_ Darren begged slurred.

_**"Yes, just stay there."**_

_**"Will do. See ya."**_ Darren affirmed and then he hung up.

You left your phone aside and you started to walk around Matt's apartment hysterically. You felt a lot of feelings during the conversation, but there was a thing that was certain: it wasn't a nice conversation. Darren was drunk, he was driving in that condition, you didn't know if he heard you clearly, you didn't know what he would do, if he was going to stay there or not. He also told you very hurtful things; he was completely confused and he told you things that contradict. At this point you didn't know what Darren's feelings were; maybe he just said all of that because he was drunk. And what would you do? You couldn't leave Darren there alone but you weren't sure if you should meet him. He almost begged you to go there; but what would happen in case you go and then you have an argument? It'd be the same situation, Darren would want to drive away to whatever he was staying; and he was drunk and he couldn't do it. And you didn't even know how to drive to help him or drive him to his house.

_**"Oh shit."**_ You thought out loud.

_**"Judging by your face and mood I assume that things haven't gone fine."**_ Matt said raising his eyebrows, and looking how you were walking hysterically from one side to another of the room.

_**"He's drunk, Matt. And he was driving to my apartment, and he didn't even go to the right way. He had no idea where he was. He didn't even recognize the Central Park and the Solomon Guggenheim Museum!"**_ You answered altered.

_**"Calm down, Shorty."**_ Matt said reassuringly, still looking at you walking hysterically. Then he approached you and he placed his hands on your shoulders to stop you. _**"Stop walking, just calm down. Is he there now?"**_

_**"Yes, he's there! But I don't know if he's gonna stay there or not. He asked me to go there, he almost begged me that he wanted to see me, but he also said hurtful things. Damn, Matt! What am I supposed to do?"**_ You said scrambled and flurried.

"_**First of all you have to chill out."**_ Matt said looking at you intently and you sighed, trying to do so. _**"And I can go with you to pick Darren up. I don't have a car but we can take the subway or the bus. Or the other option is that you can call a relative, his brother maybe who's in the city as you told me."**_

"_**Yes. Chuck. I could call him and explain everything. Maybe that's the best idea. Yes, it could work."**_ You said thoughtful and Matt nodded.

"_**Yes, I think it is. Just call him."**_ Matt said quietly.

You thought it for a little bit more and you took a deep breath before grabbing your phone. You weren't completely sure about this because you didn't want to bother Chuck and less in Christmas; but it was going to be the best idea. Decided now, you started to call Chuck. It didn't take so long till Chuck answered.

"_**Well, well. Look who is it! Merry Christmas, mysterious girl! How are you doing? I miss seeing your face."**_ Chuck's voice said cheerfully.

"_**Merry Christmas, Chuck."**_ You said smiling slightly. _**"I'm fine…actually…"**_

"_**Is it because of Darren?"**_ Chuck interrupted you, immediately capturing what you were trying to say.

"_**Yes." **_

"_**What did he tell you now? Crap, I told him to stop treating you bad. I'm gonna kill him."**_ Chuck said a bit upset. Apparently Chuck was aware of what had happened between Darren and you; yet he was being nice to you and you wondered why. But it wasn't the right time to be thinking about it now.

"_**No, no, no. It's not that."**_ You said quickly, trying to control the nerves you were feeling again. _**"Darren called me and he's drunk."**_

"_**Yeah, I know. I've never seen him drinking like that. I'm sorry he called you, I hope he didn't say anything inappropriate."**_ Chuck apologized for Darren.

"_**No, it's fine. The fact is that Darren was driving to my apartment while drunk. He didn't even know where he was and I…"**_

"_**What the fuck? That's not possible. Darren was with us minutes ago. He couldn't be driving to your apartment."**_ Chuck said this time worried and confused.

"_**Well, he was. I forced him to stop the car. He's in the 5th avenue at 89th Street, right where the Solomon Guggenheim Museum is. I can't go for him, I don't have a car and I don't even know how to drive. So I just…I didn't want to bother you but…"**_

"_**Hey, it's alright. He shouldn't have called you and make you worry like this. That asshole, I don't even know when he left the house; he was very sneaky. I'm going to kick him in the eye twice."**_ Chuck said worried and upset. _**"Thank you, for telling me. I'll pick him up, don't worry, okay?"**_

_**"Alright. And thank you for doing this, Chuck."**_ You said a bit more relaxed now.

_**"No, it's okay. Sorry because of his stupid behavior. He's gonna listen to me after this."**_ Chuck said getting rattled. _**"And hey, whatever happened between Darren and you, it doesn't mean we can't see each other sometime. I hope to see you soon."**_

_**"Yeah. I hope the same, Chuck. Guess I'm gonna see you soon."**_ You said smiling slightly. _**"Thanks, Chuck. Let me know if he's alright, please?"**_

_**"Will do. Smell ya, mysterious girl!"**_ Chuck said before hanging up.

You sighed more relaxed once you finished talking to Chuck. Now you knew he was going to pick Darren up and hopefully Darren was still there, waiting for you. It was a bunch of feelings and then suddenly you felt extremely tired. You sank into the couch, sighing and grabbing your head, which was hurting like hell. Matt sat next to you and he gently started to caress your hair.

"_**Maybe not the best Christmas, but at least was full of unexpected events." **_Matt said smiling slightly, trying to picture the positive way of the situation.

"_**I'm sorry Matt, I screwed it all."**_ You apologized frankly.

"_**Hey, no! It's cool for me. The one who matters here is you, if you're alright." **_

"_**I'm not. I mean, yes I was having a blast with you until Darren called. I wish we could have finished this day in a good way." **_

"_**I know how. Going to sleep now and hanging out together tomorrow morning. New day, new mood."**_ Matt said trying to cheer you up and you smiled fondly at him. _**"You can stay here tonight, I don't mind."**_

"_**I'd like that, Matt. Thank you." **_

"_**Sure. Come here."**_ Matt said smiling and he hugged you tight until you fell asleep in his arms.

You didn't wake up when Matt took you to his bedroom. You didn't even wake up when Matt changed your clothes to sleep more comfortable on his bed, when he covered you with his quilt. You didn't wake up when Matt kissed your forehead wishing you goodnight. But you woke up when your phone started to buzz. Sleepy and disconcerted, you answered it before checking who it was.

_**"You promised me to come over here! You promised me you were going to come, not Chuck. Why the hell is Chuck here and you aren't? Dammit!"**_ Darren's voice said upset slurred. You suddenly got wide awake.

_**"Darren..."**_ You started to say hoarsely.

_**"Screw you! Fuck off and get lost! I was waiting for you and you sent Chuck to come for me. What the hell?"**_

_**"Darren, what are you doing? Are you calling her? Holy shit, Darren, gimme your phone!"**_ Chuck's voice said angry.

_**"Kiss my ass, Chuck! It's my phone and I do whatever I want with it."**_ Darren's voice said also angry. You heard a struggle and the both of them yelling at each other. _**"Gimme my phone back, Charles! Fuck, gimme it, what are you doi..."**_

Then apparently Chuck hung up because you didn't hear anything else but the silence of the bedroom. If things were screwed already, now it was worse. Darren was completely angry and he never before cursed at you the way he just has done. Your head was spinning and everything was blurred. Definitely things never go the way you planned it and that just sucked. Minutes later you got a text message.

**From Chuck: I'm sorry for what has recently happened. Darren's fine, drunk, but he's safe. Angry and stupid; but only because of the alcohol. Forget about all he said to you, he barely can think properly. Thanks for everything, smell ya!**

**To Chuck: Thanks for letting me know so. I'm glad he's fine; please take care of him and you. And thank you.**

You sighed because you knew that even though Darren was drunk, he'd remember something about all that happened that night. And you knew that things were getting worse over time. Getting him back now seemed very hard and it seemed likely to happen in the very distant future. You wished you could have some kind of magic to make everything right and just to be with Darren like months ago. But that wasn't going to happen and that brought you down.

* * *

_FOUR DAYS LATER…_

* * *

_**"Let's catch up about all that happened between Darren and you. I wanna know everything."**_

April and you were in a Starbucks shop, after a long time you didn't see each other. You really missed her and you weren't in mood to screw your time together with all the drama that happened between Darren and you. She deserved to know, but not now, because this was being a good day for you. You looked away and ate a wafer roll filled with chocolate, playing the fool.

_**"Shorty..."**_ April insisted persuasive, looking at you fixedly.

_**"April, please. I don't want to screw this day with drama. Just let's enjoy the day."**_ You tried to say convincingly.

_**"Screw the day? Oh please. Just tell me, I wanna know. And judging by what you said, I guess things aren't going well. Put me up!"**_

_**"It's so long. And I don't even know where to start; it's like a host of things that happened in the last days."**_

_**"I have all day free. We have time."**_ April said eloquently.

_**"Alright."**_ You sighed, giving up.

You started telling April all that happened when Darren came to NYC more than two weeks ago. You got surprised of all that happened only in just almost two weeks. Everything seemed so intense and very bad, that only two weeks seemed a very short time judging by all that happened and the way you were feeling. How could you miss so much someone in a very short time? It was almost ridiculous, but you couldn't help it. It was heartrending being apart from Darren. Yes, you've been separated from him for months, when you were in NYC and he was in LA; but that was different because you were fine and you texted and called each other almost all the time; and now you were ignoring each other, no one knew anything about each other, you were distant and cold and that was what was heartbreaking. April listened to you very intently and she didn't say anything while you were telling her the whole story. When you finished, April was looking at you in shock, raising her eyebrows in astonishment.

"_**Oh well, that really sucks."**_ April finally said, still stunned. _**"After the last time he called you, did you text him or something?"**_

"_**Yes, I did."**_

"_**And well?"**_ April asked curious.

"_**He didn't reply me, as he's been doing all this time."**_ You answered sadly, looking down.

"_**Damn, this is hard."**_ April said frowning and really concerned. _**"Shorty, you can't keep being like this. It's hurting you."**_

"_**I know. But what else can I do? I can't help it."**_ You exclaimed tormented.

"_**You need to get over him."**_ April said roundly, looking at you sadly.

"_**I can't do that, April. I love him as I never loved anyone else."**_ You said desperate.

"_**Yes, you can do that. It's gonna be really hard, but is what you have to do. Darren is trying to forget you, Shorty. He doesn't want to come back with you and he made it clear. He told you so several times, he even ignores your texts, he doesn't want to see you, and he told you very harsh things. He's hurting you. Maybe his intention is not to hurt you, but he's doing so because you love him so much and you can't stop thinking about him while he keeps ignoring you. You're thinking about him, but...is he thinking about you? I don't think so, Shorty. Otherwise he'd have replied you at least one text message. He's trying to move on without you. Now he's chasing his own dreams, you're chasing him. And the question is...who's chasing you?"**_ April said pitiful but honestly.

_**"Nobody."**_ You answered in a whisper, broken when you realized how the situation actually was. Very deep in your heart you knew it, but you didn't want to see it. You needed someone to tell you so to admit it.

"_**Can you see it? You're being down because of someone who maybe already forgot about you. It's time to keep going, and without him this time, Shorty. No one else here is hurt but only yourself because you can't leave behind something that is already determined and it's not gonna change, judging by what he said. A lot of people are still out there; ready to give their love to you and to get your love. Darren isn't the only man in earth. Yes, he was your first love and you'll never forget him, but it's over. It's over for him, Shorty. You have to admit it and once you do it, you'd be able to move on and be open to give your love to someone else. You're a lovely person; many people would fall in love with you if you only open your heart. Come on, even Matt told me if he weren't gay, you'd be the perfect couple for him, because you're an amazing person."**_ April said frankly, and trying to cheer you up because you were feeling miserable. _**"I'm sorry I'm being tough. But I'm your friend and I don't want to see you sad; and I don't want to try to make you feel better by lying you and saying that Darren and you are gonna work, because possibly it won't happen. And if it comes to work, it'd happen naturally. Let it flow without forcing and let the wind take you in the direction that would lead you naturally. It's gonna happen if it has to happen. But now you're forcing this, you're trying hard over and over to get him back and it's not working, and that frustrates you and makes you feel distressed. Respect yourself; it's time to think about you and only you. It's not worth keep shedding tears for someone who doesn't love you anymore. Move on. Maybe you'd find someone who's gonna surprise you and is gonna give you all the love you deserve."**_ April said encouragingly.

_**"Maybe you're right. But what if Darren decides to see me again? What if he regrets? What if he wants to try it again? I wouldn't be able to reject him."**_ You said gloomy, but a bit better than minutes before.

_**"Then, try it. If he wants the same than you, only if he tells you he wants to try it again and both Darren and you are very sure about it; then try it. But in the meantime, enjoy yourself and all you have, all you have to live for and all the new things that remain to be found out for you."**_ April said with a kind smile and she wiped away the tears that now were slowly falling down your face. _**"And smile. It's always enchanting seeing you smiling."**_

"_**Thank you, April. I promise I'm going to try it."**_ You smiled slightly and April smiled widely. _**"And you weren't tough, maybe just a bit. But you were just being a good friend, making me see what I didn't want to see." **_

_**"That's what friends are for."**_ April said, winking and grabbing your hand. _**"Friends are the biggest pain in the ass."**_

"_**Hell yeah."**_ You said this time laughing along with April. Then your phone started to buzz and you got gloomy again when you saw who was.

"_**What's wrong?"**_ April asked confused.

"_**It's Darren. Darren is calling me. Damn April, just in this moment!"**_ You exclaimed in disbelief.

"_**Answer him. Maybe he regretted. And if not, it's gonna be a kind of test to see if you can go ahead without him."**_ April said encouragingly.

"_**You're right. I can do this."**_ You said determined and self-confident for the very first time in a while.

You took a deep breath before answering the phone. Your hands were trembling and you were freaking out. But you were self-confident, you forgot all the bad things, you decided to move on. And this was the best way to see if you could get it, and you weren't going to give up on that easily. You cleared your throat before talking with the man you loved with your entire soul but with whom you needed to get over.

"_**Hello?"**_

"_**I need you. I know things between us are screwed, but it's about Sami. She's really bad and I need you."**_ Darren's voice sounded desperate and edgy. _**"I don't know how to do this without you."**_


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Okay guys, here's finally a new chapter! I'm sorry because it took me a long to update it, I've been pretty busy. Thank you like very very much for all the reviews and comments in Tumblr and Twitter! I really appreciate each one and those are like my incentive to keep writing this story! I hope you can enjoy this last chapter. I'm just gonna let you read, let's see how the story develops! Enjoy, and...Enjoy! (I'm sleepy at the moment so please try to understand my lack of coherence. Haha) Thank you for reading!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 9.**

* * *

"_**So? What did he say?"**_ April asked curious and anxious after you hung up.

_**"He wants me to go to where he's staying. Because of Sami, she's bad."**_ You answered hurriedly and jittery, grabbing your coat and standing up.

_**"Wait. Are you going there?"**_ April asked, still trying to understand what you said.

_**"Yes, of course I'm going there. Because of Sami, not for Darren." **_

_**"Hold on!"**_ April stopped you before you could start walking. _**"You know you're going to see Darren, right? You know that if Sami is bad, Darren is gonna find comfort in you, right? He's gonna look helpless and sad, so he's gonna be nice to you, maybe he's gonna ask for a hug or something to find comfort. Would you be able to keep in mind all that happened between you both? Because now Darren is gonna be like that, but when Sami gets better maybe he's gonna be like he's been with you so far. And if this happens, I don't want you to feel down again. You need to keep in mind that this is a special situation, okay?"**_ April said clearly and roundly, looking at you intently.

_**"Oh shit."**_ You cursed, freaking out because you didn't know if you'd be able to stand it. _**"April...Could you come with me? Please?"**_ You begged her, desperate.

_**"I don't know if it's gonna be a good idea. I don't know Darren and he doesn't know me."**_ April said doubtful.

_**"Please, April. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to ignore all I feel for Darren. I'm sure I'm gonna fall into him as soon as I see him. I need you to be there, you're the one who can make me see the way it has to be. You won't let me to do a stupid thing because I'm still so in love with him."**_ You begged April, looking at her exasperated.

_**"Okay."**_ April sighed, but he agreed because she saw you more exasperated than ever_**. "Only because of you and because I don't want to see you sad again."**_

_**"Thank you, April!"**_ You said very thankful, hugging her tight.

April and you left the Starbucks shop and you went to where April's car was parked. She drove you to where Darren was staying, and all the way to there was silent. When you finally arrived, both of you stayed in the car, still in silence. Then April looked at you deeply into your eyes. You were feeling really nervous because you didn't know what was wrong with Sami and because you didn't know how you'd react when you get to see Darren again. And you also didn't know how Darren would treat you. At one point, you didn't want Darren to treat you harshly because you weren't ready to be treated like that, because it still hurt you. But at other point, you didn't want Darren to be very nice to you, being kind and sweet; because you didn't know if you could resist him and all the love you felt for him.

_**"Are you ready, Shorty?"**_ April asked softly.

_**"Yes, I am."**_ You said, taking a deep breath.

Both of you got out of the car and walked to the hotel were Darren was staying. You didn't know why they weren't in Lyla's house, but then you thought that probably being there was bad for Sami. You felt uncomfortable getting into that luxurious hotel, because that wasn't on your economic or social level. You could notice that April was uncomfortable too, and more when the people around started to look at your direction and started to whisper things probably about the two of you and the way you were dressed, completely different from them who were wearing haute couture clothing. You hated being looked in that disparaging way as if they were more important than anybody else. That was something you loved about Darren; that even though he was famous and he was at their level, he remained simple and humble; not like those people who were derogatory and arrogant. However, you reached the place where the hotel receptionist was, ignoring those people's looks and whispers. The hotel receptionist looked in the same way those people were looking at you.

_**"What can I do for you?"**_ The hotel receptionist asked, trying to sound polite as his job required, but looking at you both suspiciously and with skepticism.

_**"Hi."**_ You said coldly, looking at him annoyed because of the way he was looking at you both. _**"I'm looking for Darren Criss."**_

_**"Sorry, I can't give you that kind of information. Fans aren't allowed to get that information."**_ The hotel receptionist said indolently and he kept working on some forms.

_**"Excuse me?"**_ You said shrilly, feeling completely humiliated by the way he treated you so contemptuously. _**"First you should ask who I am, then you should call Mr. Criss to inform him I'm waiting for him. Once he is informed, he'll make the decision of who wants to go up to his hotel room. You, as a receptionist, aren't allowed to take own decisions without asking the host what wants to do. You're taking many attributes considering you're only a hotel receptionist and you could be penalized by these facts. If you aren't doing the job properly and you don't consider the rights and obligations of guests and visitors of this hotel, it's time to get a lawyer."**_ You said firmly and formally as a lawyer would do. After all that was what you were, a lawyer so you knew very well how all of this was supposed to work. April was looking at you surprised and the hotel receptionist raised his eyebrows, apparently he was in shock and he got scared because he knew he wasn't doing his work as he should be doing it.

"_**Yes, sorry, miss."**_ The receptionist said coldly and annoyed. _**"I'm gonna inform Mr. Criss that you, miss..."**_

_**"Just tell him that the pink rabbit came to see the princess. He told me to say precisely those words."**_ You answered in formal terms.

_**"Oh, so you're the girl who Mr. Criss was expecting. He mentioned me that someone would come here saying those words."**_ The receptionist said astonished, in disbelief that Darren could be expecting someone like you. _**"He told me to let you directly come up to his hotel room. Eighteen floor, room number two. The elevators are on your left and here's the magnetic card he told me to give you. Have a nice day, miss."**_

"_**Have a nice day, sir."**_ You said formally, receiving the magnetic card.

You and April walked to the elevators and went to the floor where Darren's hotel room was. April was still looking at you astonished and very impressed by your firm and forthright reaction with the hotel receptionist.

_**"Wow. You were flawless with that hotel receptionist. Have you seen his face after you told him all those things? It was hilarious."**_ April exclaimed dazzled.

_**"I'm not a lawyer for nothing. I wouldn't let someone treat us dismissive as he did. Screw him."**_ You said laughing softly.

Finally you arrived at Darren's floor and you walked straight to his hotel room. You had the magnetic card to get into the room, but you weren't sure if you should get into his hotel room without knocking the door before. But not for nothing he told the hotel receptionist to give you that magnetic card, Darren wanted you to directly come into the room. You took a deep breath before entering the room. As you were thinking, the hotel room was completely luxurious and huge. April's face reflected amazement; she was looking around very impressed. Darren wasn't there; maybe he was in some of the rooms of that hotel room.

_**"Darren?"**_ You asked loudly and your voice echoed in the empty room.

_**"Boo, is that you?"**_ Darren's voice came from one of the rooms, but you couldn't notice from which of all of them.

_**"Yes, it's me."**_ You answered shortly.

Darren has called you boo, as he was used to do. That was the first thing that pierced your heart and you didn't even see him yet. You didn't want to think what you were going to feel once you get to see his face. April surely noticed your change of mood, because she placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it slightly, reassuringly. Then Darren popped into the room where April and you were. He looked tired judging by his dark circles; and he'd been crying judging by his swollen eyes. He was scruffy and messy, wearing tattered clothes: a very baggy hoodie and frayed sweatpants. Yes, you definitely needed April there to prevent you of doing something stupid because as soon as you saw Darren so devastated, you wanted to run to him and hug him tight. You felt something weird on your chest, something that you couldn't help it. You loved him as always, that never changed. Darren looked at April and then he looked at you frowning, because obviously he wasn't expecting you to come with someone else.

_**"I'm glad you could come up here."**_ Darren said hoarsely, looking at you and then he turned his gaze to April. _**"I didn't know you were coming with someone else."**_

_**"Yes, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was with her, so she just came with me. I'm sorry."**_ You said this time a little embarrassed because after all this was Darren's place not yours and it was inappropriate.

_**"Oh no, it's alright." **_Darren said still hoarsely, shaking his head. _**"Hey, I'm Darren. Nice to meet you."**_ Darren said, approaching April to shake his hand at her.

_**"Hi, I'm April. Nice to meet you too." **_April said politely and a little shy as you never saw her before.

_**"Oh, you're the famous April! Boo...Uhm, she told me a lot of you."**_ Darren said embarrassed by the way he called you. _**"It's a pleasure to finally meet you."**_

_**"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Criss."**_ April said politely and smiling shyly. _**"I hope I'm not disturbing you for coming here without warning."**_

_**"Oh please, call me Darren. And you're not disturbing at all. Please, feel free to do whatever you want here as long as it isn't to destroy the whole place. I don't want that grumbler hotel manager to kick me out the hotel."**_ Darren laughed softly.

_**"Rest assured I won't do it."**_ April said laughing this time.

_**"I trust you."**_ Darren said smiling and then he looked at you. _**"Uhm, so Sami is in her bedroom. She's been feeling sick since yesterday and all she's been doing was to ask for you. She said she needed you because you had magical powers or something. She refused to let a doctor checking her; she's scared of doctors since what happened with Lyla. She only wanted to see you. And well, she's mad at me and she refuses to let me in into her bedroom. I have no idea what to do, I tried everything and it seems to not be working."**_ Darren said hoarsely; very desperate and uneasy.

_**"And don't you know why is she feeling sick?"**_ You asked concerned.

_**"No, I have no idea. I don't know if it's something she ate or drank. I don't know. She has a fever and has been throwing up all night long. And as I told you, she didn't let anyone to check her. I don't know what I should do, I totally suck at this." **_Darren said frustrated and frowning.

_**"Alright. I should check her then. Where is she?" **_

_**"Come with me."**_ Darren said to you, grabbing your hand and you shivered at his touch. Darren noticed it because he quickly let out your hand. _**"Sorry. It's the custom. Oh, April..."**_ Darren said looking at April and she looked up to see Darren, taken by surprise._** "I don't know how long this is gonna take. Feel free to take whatever you want from the fridge to eat or drink. I have not much, but it's something. You can watch TV or use the computer. Just make yourself at home."**_

_**"Thank you. I'll wait here, just take your time."**_ April said smiling and Darren nodded.

_**"Follow me."**_ Darren said softly to you.

Darren led you to Sami's bedroom in silence. He opened her door and you looked at Sami, who was lying on bed, apparently sleeping. Darren looked down; you could notice he was feeling really wretched and obfuscated.

_**"She has been like this all day long. I tried to wake her up, but she refuses."**_ Darren whispered in your ear.

_**"Leave it to me. Maybe I can do something about."**_ You said reassuringly and Darren nodded.

_**"Thank you. Really."**_ Darren whispered frankly.

You walked to Sami's bed and you sat on the edge of her bed. Darren sat next to you, looking at Sami. You softly started to caress her hair and she grumbled, turning around, still with her closed eyes.

_**"Hey, Sami. It's me."**_ You whispered something in her ear, still caressing her hair.

"_**Auntie?"**_ Sami murmured, turning around to look at you with very sleepy eyes. _**"I missed you!"**_ Sami said rubbing her eyes and resting her head on your lap.

_**"I missed you too."**_ You said smiling sweetly at her, now wrapping your arms around her. _**"Your uncle told me you weren't feeling good. What happens?"**_

_**"He wanted me to be checked by one of those evil doctors."**_ Sami said looking huffily at Darren. _**"He couldn't understand that I don't need a doctor, because you have magical powers that can make me feel good."**_

"_**Sami, doctors aren't evil. All they want is to make you feel better. They know how to do it."**_ You said gently.

"_**Are you on his side?"**_ Sami asked grumpy, incredulous.

_**"I'm not on his side. I'm just saying the truth about doctors."**_ You answered quietly, looking at her fixedly.

_**"But I don't need them, I have you! You're better than them!" **_Sami said, resting her chin on your lap to look into your eyes.

_**"I'm not. Anyway, tell me why you were feeling bad?"**_ You asked, this time concerned. You touched her forehead and indeed she had fever.

"_**I don't know. My tummy really hurts and I've been cold since last night. I just want to get better, can you do that?"**_ Sami begged pitifully.

_**"I'll try. Tell me, what did you eat yesterday?" **_

_**"For breakfast I ate cereals with a hot chocolate. Then Darren ordered rice in soup with carrots and celery for lunch. Then, for the afternoon snack, I ate a rice pudding that Darren bought."**_ Sami said, trying to remember what she ate.

_**"Alright. You ate healthy. That's weird."**_ You said frowning. _**"Did you notice something weird on those foods? Something that tasted sour maybe?"**_

_**"No."**_ Sami answered, shaking her head. _**"All the foods were delicious. Darren always buys me delicious food. Except for the celery. I hate celery, is disgusting and boring."**_

_**"Sami...are you sure that's all you ate?"**_ You asked suspiciously.

_**"Yes. Uncle Dare sometimes is really mean that he doesn't allow me eat other kind of food. He always complains. No Sami, that food isn't healthy; no Sami, you have to eat your veggies and not a hamburger; no Sami, you can't eat sweets. He's so mean!"**_ Sami complained grumpy.

_**"Manners, Sami. Watch your words."**_ Darren finally talked, looking at Sami strictly. _**"You know very well that you can't live eating junk food."**_

_**"But what's the point of eating veggies all the time? I hate it."**_ Sami grumbled, frowning and snotty.

_**"Because is healthy and it helps you to grow up healthy and strong. We talked about this already."**_ Darren said rigorously, looking at her intently.

_**"Well, obviously your idea of eating veggies to be healthy didn't work. I'm sick, I'm not healthy. Auntie Ari let me eat candies and I never got sick when I was with her. And then you gave me all those veggies to eat and you didn't allow me to eat candies and I got sick anyway. It's your fault!"**_ Sami said brusquely and it seemed that her words pierced Darren's heart because he was pale now, with teary eyes but trying to hide it.

_**"Sami. It isn't Darren's fault. He was doing his best, I'm sure. All he wanted was to keep you healthy and happy, and veggies are the best way to keep you healthy."**_ You said gently but serious. Darren just looked down; biting his lower lip and Sami looked at you frowning. _**"Sami, I know you ate something else you're not telling me. If you ate something else that your uncle didn't allow you, just tell me. I'm gonna tell your uncle to not be mad at you for that."**_

_**"No, I didn't eat anything else."**_ Sami answered, this time nervous.

_**"Sami..."**_ You looked at her very intently.

_**"Fine."**_ Sami sighed, bad-tempered. _**"I ate a toffee that I found on the street when Darren took me to the park."**_

"_**What? Why did you do that Sami? You know you don't have to do those things!" **_Darren exclaimed concerned and frowning, looking at Sami very serious.

"_**I knew he'd get like this. That's why I didn't want to say it! See? He always scolds me!" **_Sami grumbled annoyed._** "Auntie, I want to live with you again! I don't wanna be here anymore!" **_

You looked at Sami astonished with wide eyes, raising your eyebrows. Darren, next to you, looked away, closing his eyes with a grimace of grief. Of course Sami's words hurt Darren deep in his heart. She shouldn't have said something like that, even though she was little and surely she was only mad at Darren in that moment; and kids when are mad at someone say things that they really don't mean. This was an uncomfortable situation for you, because you knew Sami couldn't live with you anymore and because it hurt you seeing Darren very hurtful.

_**"Sami, Darren is doing his best and he wants the best for you. When he scolds you is because he doesn't want to see you sick or bad; not because he wants to make you feel bad. Remember all the times I scolded you?"**_ You said looking at Sami fixedly, while Darren looked up to you with teary eyes.

_**"Yes."**_ Sami said looking down, apparently regretful for what she said.

_**"Every time I scolded you, you got mad at me. But then you realized I was right, and then you apologized. See? If Darren is scolding you is because he knows why, because he has a point. The point he scolded you now was because h warned you to not eat candies and less when you find those candies on the street; because he knew you could get sick. And how are you feeling now?"**_ You tried to sound reasonable, trying to make Sami understand why Darren acted with her like that.

_**"Sick."**_ Sami admitted, regretful._** "I'm sorry uncle Dare. It was my fault, you're the best uncle."**_ Sami apologized looking at Darren, remorseful.

_**"It's okay, Sami. I only want you to understand why do I say and do all the things I say and do."**_ Darren said hugging Sami. When he was hugging her, Darren looked at you and he moved his lips without making any sound, thanking you while you just nodded.

_**"Well Sami, you need to obey what your uncle tells you. Will you do that from now on?"**_ You asked gently.

_**"Will do."**_ Sami answered, nodding. _**"Auntie, why am I feeling like this? Would I have to go to a hospital? I don't want that."**_

_**"No, you're gonna be fine. You just ate a spoiled candy. The cold you're feeling is because you have fever, a cold shower is gonna help. And the pain you feel in your tummy is because of that candy, with healthy food, repose and syrup; you'll feel like before."**_ You said comfortingly.

_**"Auntie... Do remember when I scraped my knee?" **_Sami asked curious and you nodded. _**"You did that magical power with your hands. You cured me with your magical powers! Darren doesn't know how to do it; you're the only one who has those magical powers. Could you do that now?"**_

_**"Sami."**_ You laughed softly when you remembered that time you told her you had magical powers and then you put a bandage with rubbing alcohol on her knee to make her feel better. _**"Alright, I'm gonna do it. But, do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna teach your uncle how to do it. Then when I'm not here to cure you with my magical powers, your uncle Darren is gonna be able to do so. What do you think?"**_

Telling this to Sami was a little hard for you because you knew you were saying that because probably the chances were that you wouldn't be able to be with Sami anymore, or at least not as you were used to be. And she needed to feel sure that Darren was going to replace you to make her feel better every time you couldn't. But you knew you're doing the right thing. Sami just needed to get used to be with Darren from now on, and the best way would be if you show Darren all the things you were used to do with Sami every time she felt bad. Darren was looking at you frowning, noticeably confused and bewildered. Sami, instead, was looking at you livelier and with a big smile on her face.

"_**I love this idea! Yes, yes, yes! Teach uncle Dare how to do it!"**_ Sami bounced on her bed, excited.

"_**Alright!"**_ You said cheerfully, with a big smile and then you looked at Darren. _**"I showed Sami once how magical powers can make her feel better. It's easy, you're gonna learn this magical power very fast."**_

"_**Okay…I thought that Harry freakin' Potter knew already all the magical powers but it seems I was wrong."**_ Darren giggled goofily, still looking at you frowning and bewildered.

"_**Never is late to find out all the new magical powers." **_You said jokingly. _**"Fine. The first step is to focus on the problem. For example, in this case the problem is that Sami's tummy hurts, what we have to do is to think absorbedly that it's gonna be better. Focus on that, only think about it. Get it?"**_

_**"Fine I'm doing it. What do I do now?"**_ Darren asked amused, but pretending being focused on that, closing his eyes.

_**"Now..."**_ You said quietly and grabbed Darren's hand.

Darren quickly opened his eyes and looked up to you, getting nervous and a little uncomfortable; but there was something in his eyes you couldn't decipher. You tried to avoid his gaze because it was very deep and you felt uncomfortable as well; even though you were doing this for Sami and only because of her, you couldn't avoid all the feelings you had for Darren and how you wanted to be with him like before, being able to grab his hand and feel completely happy and comfortable with that, not in the way you were feeling now. You really wished this situation could be different. Slowly, you placed Darren's hand in Sami's tummy while Darren was still looking deeply at you with that look that was making you feel jumpy. You cleared your throat and focused your eyes on Sami's tummy to not to look Darren's eyes that was driving you insane.

"_**What you have to do now…"**_ You started to say with a slight tremble voice, trying to sound natural again. _**"Is to focus all your energy on her tummy, positive energy. You know, good vibes." **_

"_**Okay. Good vibes."**_ Darren said, still looking at you deeply. It seemed he couldn't stop looking at you that way and that was making you feel more than nervous now; but you decided to keep going for Sami.

"_**Right like that. Now, you have to start rubbing her tummy, just like this…"**_ You said looking away and grabbed Darren's hands again to show him how to rub her tummy.

Right in the exact moment you grabbed his hand, a twinkle appeared in Darren's eyes; who was still looking into your eyes but he quickly looked away in direction of Sami's tummy, slightly frowning. You tried to avoid this action that took you by surprise and decided to focus on what you were trying to do. You needed to keep in mind you were doing this because of Sami and not for him, just as April told you to do considering the whole situation. Once you showed Darren how to do it, you let his hands, putting your own hands on your pockets.

"_**Keep rubbing her tummy."**_ You said softly, looking down when you felt Darren's eyes fixed on your eyes when you let out his hands.

"_**Okay."**_ Darren answered in a voice subdued. _**"Is this all or do I have to say some kind of magical words?"**_

"_**Of course you have to say magical words! It's a spell."**_ You said lively, slightly smiling and looking at Sami this time. You didn't want to see Darren's face after hearing his appeased voice.

"_**Do I need my wand? Harry freakin' Potter has his own wand, you know?"**_ Darren said winking at you, with a cocky smile. Was he talking in double meaning? You gulped and tried to avoid those thoughts, taking his answer in a harmless way.

"_**No, you don't need to use your wand this time. It's a new kind of magic; you do it only with your hands." **_You answered innocently, still avoiding his look.

"_**Oh, such a shame. I really wanted to use my wand. But sometimes using hands is good too; I guess you can do a lot of things with your hands."**_ Darren said, still with the same cocky smile and Sami was just watching the situation in silence. Probably she didn't understand this double meaning Darren was talking, but you weren't sure.

"_**Yes, you'd be impressed with all the things you can do with your hands."**_ You said this time looking at Darren into his eyes; half in double meaning, half harmless. Darren's eyes expressed some amusement.

"_**I'm glad you can teach me how to use my hands to give it a better use. A bird told me you're an expert using your hands."**_ Darren said winking and smiling naughtily.

"_**Okay, stop right there, Darren."**_ You said this time serious. It was inappropriate talking this way in front of Sami. You didn't know why Darren got like this all of a sudden; this was a little weird considering he was being very cold with you the last few weeks.

_**"Oh don't be shy." **_Darren said mischievously, fixing his eyes on yours. _**"Sami said you have powers in your hands. You should feel proud of it and not to feel ashamed of it. Right, Sami?"**_

_**"That's right! You have powers in your hands auntie. And that's a good thing because not everybody has it!"**_ Sami said nodding, harmless. You raised an eyebrow and rolled your eyes.

_**"Right, sure. I have powers in my hands and I'm teaching you those powers to cure Sami." **_You said emphasizing each word, looking at Darren serious while he was still looking at you mischievously with that cocky smile.

_**"I'm a devout student. I'm willing to be a good learner, witch with powerful hands."**_ Darren said winking and Sami laughed slightly.

_**"Teach him! Let's see if he's a good learner!"**_ Sami said mocking Darren.

_**"Hey, you! Don't mock your uncle, missy!"**_ Darren said, tickling Sami.

"_**Fine, fine! I won't, but stop!"**_ Sami said laughing uncontrollably and you laughed along with her. Darren finally stopped and he looked at you.

_**"So well… What's the spell, witch with powerful hands?" **_Darren asked amused and you rolled your eyes.

"_**Fine, while rubbing your hands on her tummy you have to say…"**_ You started to say, but Darren interrupted you.

"_**Erecto!" **_Darren yelled and laughed and you looked at him with wide eyes and serious. Really? Erecto? He was going out of control and you were in front of Sami. Why was he acting that way? _**"I'm very sorry, I had to say it. Sorry."**_ Darren said trying to control his laughter once he saw your face.

"_**You're not being a good student as you said you would. It seems auntie is getting angry."**_ Sami said, looking at Darren and you at the same time.

"_**Oh no! We have to hide, Sami! Who knows what the witch with powerful hands can do with her hands if she gets mad! Imagine if she turns us into extendable ears! Hide, Sami!"**_ Darren yelled laughing, covering his face with his arms and Sami hid under the blankets, yelling. You couldn't avoid your laughter by looking at them playing and joking, but you tried to dissimulate it.

"_**It's gonna be worse! I'm gonna turn you into the Tom Riddle's diary! So watch out your behavior!"**_ You said amused, but pretending a serious and malicious voice.

"_**No please, witch with powerful hands! I promise to be a good student from now on! Don't do that to us!"**_ Darren faked a frightened voice, still covering his face with his arms, but exposing his eyes to look at you.

"_**I'll try you! Uncover your face, to begin. Sami, you get out of the blankets so Darren can practice the spell! If you behave I won't do anything to you."**_ You said amused but challenging. Darren uncovered his face and Sami, slowly, got out of the blankets.

"_**Tell me, ma'am, what I have to do."**_ Darren said serious, straightening.

"_**As I was saying before someone interrupted me…"**_ You said serious, looking at Darren and he looked down but with an amused smile. _**"You have to keep rubbing her tummy and say… Heal, heal, little frog's bottom, if you don't heal today, you'll heal tomorrow."**_

"_**Oh damn. Really?"**_ Darren said laughing out loud. _**"That's the most ridiculous, wacky and eccentric thing I've ever heard! Oh my wizard God!"**_ Darren said unable to control his laughter.

"_**Do you wanna learn or not?"**_ You said frowning slightly and completely ashamed. You knew it was silly and that was the reason you didn't want to tell Darren what you did with Sami every time she was feeling bad. You knew Darren was going to make fun of you because of this.

"_**I'm sorry! I want! But…frog's bottom? Really? Oh shit, I've never heard such a thing!"**_ Darren said laughing out loud again and you blushed hard. You wanted to disappear from there, this was very embarrassing.

"_**Okay, make fun of it, Darren!"**_ You said, getting serious and a little upset because Darren couldn't stop laughing of you. _**"Sami, it seems your uncle doesn't want to learn it. Maybe he can do something about with his powerful wand."**_

"_**No! Stop, uncle Dare! It works, it really works. You have to learn!"**_ Sami complained, crossing her arms and pouting.

"_**I'm gonna stop, I swear. Please, don't get mad." **_Darren said placing his hand on your shoulder and looking at you with puppy dog eyes. You shuddered at Darren's touch and he looked at you that way. You hated that in situations like this one.

"_**I'm not mad." **_You answered curtly and you remembered why you were there. You shouldn't be dealing with Darren, you were there only because of Sami. _**"Fine, I taught you what you have to do. That's it. If you do it well, then Sami is gonna feel better."**_

"_**Aren't you mad? That's not what your face says…"**_

"_**Whatever."**_ You interrupted Darren and he looked at you frowning and confused. You wouldn't let Darren to make fun of you. You leaned to caress Sami's hair with a fond smile. _**"Sami, sweetie. Once your uncle does that spell, you'll start feeling batter. But also I want you to take a cold shower, so the fever is gonna disappear. At least for a week eat only healthy food and do what your uncle says you have to do, remember that he knows what to do. Promise?"**_

"_**Promise. I'm gonna do it."**_ Sami said nodding, looking at you while Darren was still looking at you confused, not smiling cockily like before.

"_**And don't be rude with your uncle, he wants the best for you. Okay? And if you need me sometime, just call me or tell your uncles to call me. Deal?" **_You said kindly, looking at her with a smooth smile.

"_**Deal. Thank you, auntie."**_ Sami said smiling adorably. You smiled back at her and leaned to kiss her forehead.

"_**Okay, I trust on you. Now I have to go, but remember all I said to you."**_ You said, standing up, still looking at Sami and ignoring Darren who was next to you in silence.

"_**I will! And when I get better we can go to the movies! I miss doing those things with you." **_Sami said.

"_**We'll see. If you get better soon, maybe I'm gonna take you to the movies."**_ You said smiling widely.

"_**Yay! I'll do my best!"**_ Sami said exciting, bouncing in her bed and you giggled slightly.

"_**I'll ask tomorrow how you're feeling. Remember, cold shower now!"**_ You said warningly, and Sami nodded. _**"Fine, we'll see later, Sami. Take care and don't eat candies you find in any place."**_

Once Sami nodded again and you made sure she was being honest and she got all you tried to say to her, you turned around to leave her bedroom and leave. You did all you could do. Once you knew all that was happening to Sami and why it happened, you gave her all the advices you could give to her because you didn't know if you were going to be able to see her again and you didn't want her to feel bad again for something like that. You even taught Darren your stupid and silly magical power you used to do with Sami and he made fun of you, making you feel like a total fool and idiot, making you feel embarrassed because of you idiocy. You wouldn't let Darren to treat you that way, even if that wasn't his intention, he needed to understand that was making you feel bad and he had no rights to treat you like that. Yes, maybe you hid from him your real name and he was very offended because of that, but it didn't mean that he should treat you contemptuously. Lately you didn't know what Darren wanted or what he was feeling. Sometimes he was cute and fun with you, sometimes he joked with you and laughed like if everything were okay; but sometimes he treated you coldly, distant or in a hurtful way. You couldn't blame him if he couldn't stop treating you in that hurtful way because you admitted you hurt him; but you couldn't stand his changes of mood because that was making you feel confused. That way, you didn't know if ever you'd have the chance to fix things with him or not. Maybe the best was going to be to let Darren go as April said, as a matter you couldn't withstand the twists and turns.

When you got out Sami's bedroom, you closed the door behind you and you stood there for a few seconds, trying to control your several feelings, which were a mix of confusion, madness and sadness. On one side, you needed to go away from Darren's apartment; but on the other side, you couldn't leave him, because even you couldn't understand the way he was treating you, you realized by looking at him that you missed him a lot because he was the man you loved. With all your feelings, you started walking down the corridor decided to leave his apartment. Then you heard how Sami's bedroom door opened and someone started walking behind you, surely it was Darren, but you didn't look behind you. Even though you kept walking, Darren grabbed you by the arm, stopping you, and he turned you around to make you see him. You didn't struggle to leave, but neither looked into his eyes; you were feeling week and feeling a pressure on your chest.

"_**Hey, I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened there, but if I made you feel bad or mad, I'm really sorry. I swear it wasn't my intention."**_ Darren said with a gloomy voice. He was very close to you, you could even smell his fragrance that brought you so many memories; you could even fell the warmth of his body and smell his breathe.

"_**It doesn't matter. I came here for Sami and I did all I could do." **_You answered almost in a whisper, still avoiding Darren's eyes.

"_**And you did an amazing job with her. Did you see her face? When she saw you, with all the things you said to her, she felt really better." **_Darren said smoothly and kindly, rubbing slightly your arm. _**"But I didn't get why all of a sudden you decided to go. If you thought I was making fun of you…it wasn't like that. Really."**_

"_**It's not what I thought, Darren. It was what actually you did. But whatever. I know I hurt you, but you don't have to do the same. I didn't come here to deal with it; I didn't even come here to try to make you listen to me, something that you've been refusing to do. I know you don't want it, you made it clear the last time we saw each other. So I only came here because of Sami, and now that I did all I could do, I think I should go. So excuse me, but April is waiting for me."**_ You said clearly and firmly. When you finished saying all of this, you finally looked up to find Darren looking at you with a taciturn look. It made you feel bad, but you needed to remain strong and respect yourself as April told you to do. Anyway, Darren didn't let you go; he remained grabbing your arm and you tried to go.

"_**Wait." **_Darren almost begged, looking into your eyes with the same look. _**"I…listen…it's not that…oh crap."**_ Darren rambled, getting a little nervous and you looked at him curious and frowning.

_**"You don't have to say anything, Darren. It's okay, I won't leave you alone when it's about Sami if that is what worries you. You don't have to feel forced to say something nice or whatever to get my help when you need, I'm gonna be here if you need it."**_ You said serious and trying to hide your feelings so you sounded a bit distant and cold.

_**"No, you don't get it."**_ Darren said shaking his head. _**"I'm not trying to say something nice because I want and I need your help. I...You hurt me so much."**_

_**"I know I did. You don't need to remind me that all the time and less when you don't want to hear the reasons why I did what I did."**_ You said coldly this time, a bit annoyed because he was all the time reminding you that.

_**"Let me finish. I didn't say it because I want to remind you that..."**_

_**"I'm listening to you. Go ahead."**_ You answered curtly.

_**"I know I said I got over you already. That was a lie."**_ Darren said looking down and you looked at him frowning. What was he trying to say to you? At some point it seemed that he was playing with your feelings with his twists and turns. _**"Probably you know it...you know, when I called you on Christmas." **_Darren laughed bitterly.

_**"I understand you were drunk." **_

_**"Yeah, I was...but not completely."**_

_**"Darren, you didn't even know where you were."**_ You said incredulous.

_**"Well...that was another lie. I knew where I was. I only wanted you to come where I was, I wanted to see you."**_ Darren said shyly, still looking down.

_**"What are you talking about Darren? I heard you, your words practically had no coherence and you couldn't stop drawling."**_ You said frowning and completely confused. At this point, you couldn't notice what was lie and what not.

"_**Because yes, I was drunk. But I wasn't drunk enough to not recognize where I was. Please don't make this harder than already is."**_ Darren begged, this time looking at you a bit desperate.

"_**I won't. Just, leave it there, Darren. This has no point."**_ You said, looking away and frowning.

"_**No! No, you don't get this. I can't just leave it there."**_ Darren almost yelled, apparently in desperation and you couldn't understand why he was being like this all of a sudden, very different from the last time you met. You looked at him raising your eyebrows and surprised. _**"Sorry, I didn't mean to yell. Dammit. I'm just not ready to talk...about it. Not yet. I'm trying to clear up my mind to be able to talk, you know about what."**_ Darren said almost in a whisper, this time with a soft voice.

"_**Why? It seems you don't care. You don't care to know what I have to tell you, you just don't care how this makes me feel. Because it's not all about you, Darren; it involves me too, my feelings are involved too. But it seems you simply don't care because you're so busy thinking of how you feel and anything else. I don't blame you; it's your decision to make this way. I tried several times to talk to you, but you turn a deaf ear to what I have to say."**_ You said a little upset all that you were keeping inside, without thinking over it before.

"_**Do you really think it's like that?"**_ Darren said frowning and incredulous with a hint of disappointment. _**"Do you really think that after all we shared, all we have been through, all I feel for you; I would get over this and be cold-hearted and careless about the whole situation? Do you really think that all the time we were together it was just a simple and insignificant love affair for me? Didn't I show you enough all I felt for you?"**_

"_**I..."**_ You were speechless because you knew that Darren always showed you his love, that for him this wasn't just another love affair. He always gave you all of him; but the way he took the last thing that happened between you both it seemed that he just gave up on everything and he just didn't care of working it out to make it better. Darren was looking at you bemused and raising an eyebrow, very thoughtful.

"_**I do care. More than you think and it makes me feel bad that you can't see this that way. That day, when I called you on Christmas I was dying to see you. That Christmas wasn't at all everything I had in mind. When I came to New York I thought we would spend Christmas together. I've even bought you a damn present. Then all got fucked up. Fuck, I hated picturing it. I wanted to talk to you, to say you that I...never mind. The thing is that I meant all I said to you that night; maybe not in that way, maybe not so rudely and outright. I know I said bad and harsh things to you, but I also told you nice things. Because that's the way I feel. Completely fucked up, confused and with a mix of feelings that make all of this a huge damn mess."**_ Darren said exasperated.

"_**What's your point Darren?"**_ You said a little tired because he was confusing you even more than you already were. You just wanted to know what he wanted; you needed to know it to keep moving.

"_**My point is that I love you."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes, but in a very different way that he used to look at you every time he told you he loved you. There was a hint of sorrow in his eyes. Anyway, your heart started beating faster when you heard those words. You wanted to hear those words, maybe not the way Darren just told you so; but it meant a lot to you. _**"It's just… It's not fair what you did. How would you feel if one day I come and I say you that all I made you think about me it's a big damn lie? That my name actually isn't Darren; that I was hiding my real identity all this time? Can you understand me? Yeah, I love you but I'm confused. Yeah, every time I see you my heart go wee, I think of you almost all the time, I think of all that happened. I try to find a reason that can solve this, and I can't. I try to keep you away because honestly I don't know if this is gonna work again, but also I can't. And seeing you with Sami today…"**_ Darren said, sighing and looking away. You could see that his eyes were shinning, but it was a sad expression and not a cheerful one. _**"Seeing you with her, the way you're with her, the fact that you came here regardless things between us were totally screwed…That reminded me why I love you this much. So I just couldn't contain myself. There was a moment I forgot why we were distant; all that I cared about was to spend that moment, just the three of us as we used to do. I missed it. You have no idea how I wanted…"**_ Darren said in a whisper and he got even closer, this time grabbing both of your hands and resting his forehead against you. He closed his eyes while you kept staring at him surprised, this was something you weren't expecting to happen. He remained silent for a while, the only you could feel was he breathing against your face. You thought your body started to shake because this was very intense for you. _**"I wanted to… damn…" **_Darren whispered in front your lips and then, surprisingly and unexpectedly, his lips brushed your lips very slightly.

"_**What are you doing?"**_ You whispered faintly, consumed by your desires to kiss him but knowing it wasn't right in that moment you haven't talked yet.

"_**I miss you like hell."**_ Darren whispered in some kind of distressed moan, brushing your lips and still with his eyes closed. _**"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now and be like before; but I know I'm gonna screw this up because when you're gone I'm gonna remember why we grown apart. I'm a huge mess and I hate this because I can't fucking focus in all the things I have to do. Just let me be like this, just for a few seconds."**_

"_**Darren…you need to listen to me."**_ You whispered weakly again. You needed to talk with Darren, you needed to explain him everything because you didn't want to let him go. In this situation you forgot all you and April talked about hours ago, you only wanted to be with him.

"_**No, not now."**_ Darren whispered and he leaned his head to kiss very slightly your lips. _**"Oh shit, I can't do this."**_ Darren said complaining and he got away from you abruptly, opening his eyes.

"_**Darren, please."**_ You begged with chocked voice, looking into his eyes which were avoiding yours. _**"We cannot be like this, both of us wishing to be together but not being able to do so because you refuse to listen to me. Why don't you want to listen? Are you scared? Are you giving up? Just explain me why because I can't be like this, every second trying to guess what you want or what you think."**_

"_**I want to listen to you. But I need time, I'm not ready to hear something that probably I won't like to hear. I swear I'm not giving up, I only don't want to screw things more than already are and to do so I need time."**_ Darren said frankly, looking deeply into your eyes. _**"And you ask me to explain you why. Well, I can't tell you precisely why because what I think is very different of what I want. Can you see why I need that time? To make it makes sense."**_

"_**So what do you want now? Because if you tell me you need time to be by yourself, I need to know. If you tell me now to go, I will. But don't expect me to come back to make you listen to me, because I won't."**_ You said firmly even though inside you were breaking. You needed to have some kind of consistent response. _**"If there's something I can tell you now, is that I love you. But I can't be waiting all my life for you to listen. Because, believe it or not, it hurts me and I can't be thinking all the time how things would be. I'm not intending to sound harsh and cold-hearted, but as I put myself in your shoes, I want you to do the same. I'm hesitating all the time, wondering if all will be fixed and if it's worth the wait or it never would happen. How am I supposed to keep living like this?"**_ You said desperate and distressed.

"_**I don't know what I want! I don't have the answer for that. I'm a dumb human who's confused, as any other human being would be. Don't force me to answer something whose answer I don't know."**_ Darren exclaimed frowning, apparently he was messed up.

"_**Fine, Darren. That's enough for me."**_ You said distressed, looking away. _**"April is waiting for me. Just call me if Sami needs something or…just let me know how she is." **_You let out Darren's hands and turned around to leave.

"_**No, wait!"**_ Darren said, grabbing your arm but you pulled away your arm from him.

"_**Stop, Darren. When you're ready to talk, if you ever are…just call me, text me or whatever. But meanwhile I have to keep moving. Try to understand me as well."**_ You said roundly and Darren looked down in silence. _**"Right."**_

You walked away from Darren and entered to the living room where April was. She was sitting cross legged on the floor, admiring Darren's guitar and an amount of scores that were next to the guitar. You forgot that April knew how to play the guitar and it was one of her passions; since little she learned how to play it and how to read scores since his mother was a musician. When you entered in the room, April looked up at you and then she looked behind you; apparently Darren followed you and he was standing behind you. April's face reflected admiration and fascination; you guessed it was because of those scores.

_**"I'm sorry, Mr. Criss. I saw the guitar and all the scores and I took the boldness to take a look. My mom is a musician and she taught me how to play guitar and read scores and I couldn't resist. Sorry because of my recklessness."**_ April said leaving some scores she had on her hand, standing up and looking behind you.

"_**That's alright."**_ Darren answered, walking closer to April. You glanced at him and saw that he was smiling. _**"She never told me you knew how to play the guitar."**_ Darren said looking quickly at you and then he returned his gaze to April, grabbing his guitar. _**"It's nice to know it. Do you want to play something with me? I have a spare guitar here."**_

"_**I'd love it! I was taking a look all of those scores and I must say you're very talented, Mr. Criss. Did you write all those songs?"**_ April asked bewitched, really excited.

"_**Please, call me Darren."**_ He said graciously, smiling. _**"Yeah, I wrote all those songs. Those are new songs I've been writing lately."**_

"_**Well, I must to congratulate you, Darren. The composition and melody of the songs are amazing, even though the lyrics are kind of sad. I'm haunted with your job."**_ April said with wide eyes and delighted while Darren giggled slightly but a little uncomfortable.

"_**Thank you. Well yeah, I've been writing those songs lately, the lyrics…" **_Darren started to say but he stopped, feeling uncomfortable. April finally realized why those songs had those sad lyrics and she blushed, looking down embarrassed. Darren finally cleared his throat. _**"Anyway, there's the guitar if you want to play it. We could play some of those new songs."**_

You looked at April in horror to let her know that wasn't a good idea. Probably those songs were referred to you; and if April said those were sad songs, you really didn't want to hear those because if you were feeling wretched now you didn't want to imagine how you'd feel after listening them. But April didn't look at you; instead, she grabbed the guitar that was close to her with an exciting smile. Darren took a look at the scores, choosing finally one of those new songs. Both April and Darren sat on the couch and Darren showed April the scores. Meanwhile, you stood there in front of them, trying to go away as quick as you could; but they seemed very excited so you just sat in a chair, a little away from them. You begged that new song had nothing to do with you.

"_**Alright, I picked this song. Hope you're fine with it." **_Darren said looking the scores and tuning the guitar.

"_**Yeah…"**_ April said a little insecure and frowning when she saw which song it was. _**"It's okay."**_

"_**Great. Okay we're gonna start with D major chord, then when playing the G and C chord, strum them 4 times each, but when playing the D chord, strum it 8 times. Get it?"**_ Darren asked gently to April and she nodded. _**"Do you sing?"**_

"_**Oh no, not at all. I just play the guitar."**_ April said, a little uncomfortable.

"_**Okay, so I'm gonna sing it alone and you play the guitar along with me."**_ Darren said looking at April and when he noticed she was a little nervous, he giggled reassuringly. _**"Chill out, not that I'm Darth Vader and I'm gonna leave a cauterized wound in your flesh with my lightsaber if you mess it up."**_

"_**Darth Vader? Really?"**_ April laughed amused.

"_**Really. I'm more like Yoda."**_ Darren said laughing and he made a funny face, pretending to be Yoda and making a weird sound. _**"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?"**_

"_**Oh my God."**_ April said laughing out loud and you couldn't help it but laugh along with them.

"_**So you know it now. Don't judge me by size." **_Darren said giggling amused. _**"Alright, are you ready to start now or do you prefer me talking about senseless things?"**_

"_**Oh no, please. I'm ready."**_ April said jokingly.

"_**Okay, just watch out because Yoda has a lightsaber too."**_ Darren added as a final joke before starting playing his guitar while April started to do the same. Then the moment you were scared to live, came. That song was definitely written for you. April glanced at you uncomfortable when Darren started to sing, focused on his guitar.

_Not long ago I read your letter,_

_And before I could answer,_

_Pieces to the wind, grown us apart._

_I'm going away to forget this fear to you._

_I have no way out, I have no solution._

_Not long ago I broke my memory of you,_

_Thinking of ending it all at once._

_But neither time nor distance_

_Mean everything to me._

_Something always brings me back._

_I've always heard you, _

_And I don't believe you anymore._

_Why can't I understand you?_

_Why are you so far?_

_I've always heard you, _

_And I don't believe you anymore._

_Why can't I understand you?_

_Why are you so far?_

_Not long ago I gave you it all,_

_Unable to imagine you'd change us._

_But neither your words nor your promises_

_Mean everything to me._

_Deception, betrayal and lies._

_I've always heard you, _

_And I don't believe you anymore._

_Why can't I understand you?_

_Why are you so far?_

_I've always heard you, _

_And I don't believe you anymore._

_Why can't I understand you?_

_Why are you so far?_

_This letter is from me to you._

_I want you to understand_

_That I carry you in my mind._

_But maybe you never existed,_

_Maybe you were my best invention._

_I've always heard you, _

_And I don't believe you anymore._

_Why can't I understand you?_

_Why are you so far?_

_Deception, betrayal and lies._

Darren sang it as if he was really feeling all he was singing. During the song, Darren looked at you fixedly with sad and disappointed eyes. As April said, the composition and melody of the song was perfect, but the song was really depressing; even more for you. Because it was more than obvious that song was written for you, every single word of the song has a meaning for you and your relationship. It hurt you have heard that song, because you noticed how Darren really was feeling. Cheated and betrayed, hopeless and distressed. He made it clear he loved you, but he wasn't sure to give it a try over again. When the song finished, the awkward silence lasted several minutes. Darren was looking at you deeply, trying to figure out what you were feeling; you were looking down, trying to hold back your tears; and April was looking at the guitar, uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"_**You're very talented at playing the guitar, April. It was very nice playing with you."**_ Darren said, trying to break with that uncomfortable silence.

"_**Thank you, I can say that my mom made a good job with me, then."**_ April answered shyly, still looking at her guitar.

"_**Hell yes!"**_ Darren exclaimed, trying to laugh but it didn't sound as he expected it'd sound. _**"Well, I'm still working on the song. I'm not convinced about the lyrics, I need to fix some things. Also some chords that I noticed aren't so good. I wrote this, I don't know…few weeks ago. I need to change some things."**_ Darren said uncomfortable, almost rambling. Now you really wanted to go.

"_**Well, I think we should go…"**_ You finally said, standing up. Darren and April looked up at you, raising their eyebrows. When April saw your face, she nodded in agreement and left the guitar aside, standing up.

"_**Hold on. I was wondering if you both want to stay for dinner. I could order something, and we can keep sharing some things about music, I know both of you enjoy it…"**_ Darren said abruptly, trying to convince you both to stay.

"_**Sorry, but we already had plans. Maybe some other time."**_ You refuted, avoiding his look. _**"Right, April?"**_ You looked at her very intently.

"_**Yes…we planned going out for dinner."**_ April answered shyly and blushing.

"_**That's great! I could take Sami with me and go out for dinner. It's almost the same than ordering food."**_ Darren joked, a little nervous.

"_**No."**_ You refused abruptly, sounding a little harsh. Darren looked at you surprised and afflicted, so you softened your voice. _**"Just, it has been a while since the last time I saw April and we need to have some time alone."**_

"_**Oh, okay. I get it."**_ Darren said dreary, looking down. _**"Maybe some other time, then."**_ He looked up and tried to smile.

_**"Yes, maybe. Oh, I forgot."**_ You said, walking to Darren and looking something on your pocket. _**"Here, the keys. Let me know how Sami feels later."**_

_**"Will do."**_ Darren said, receiving the keys and touching your hands slightly.

You and April walked toward the front door and Darren approached you, opening the door. April was the first one to leave Darren's hotel room and then you tried to go out but Darren grabbed your hand, what made you look at him in surprise.

_**"I..."**_ Darren babbled, nervous.

_**"Yes?" **_

_**"I wanted..."**_ Darren babbled again, looking behind you were April was, nervous. He remained silent for a while and you just looked at him.

_**"See you, Darren."**_ You finally said when you noticed that Darren was still babbling, unable to utter a word. But when you were about to go again, he grabbed your hand again and leaned his head to kiss your cheek.

_**"See you."**_ Darren said softly and then he leaned to whisper something in your ear._** "I still miss you regardless all that happened."**_

_**"Yeah...Bye, Darren."**_ You said with chocked voice, trying to ignore his gaze and finally he let out your hand and closed the door.

You didn't say anything while you were in the elevator, even though April couldn't stop looking at you with pity. You didn't say anything when you were in the hall of the hotel. But once you finally left the hotel, you burst into tears that you were holding back. You never imagined it would be very hard for you to see Darren again. You never imagined to have that talk with Darren, to listen that song he wrote for you, to feel the way you were feeling: More confused and miserable than before. April looked at you with compassion and she hugged you tight.

_**"I'm so sorry, Shorty!"**_ April said with benignity. _**"I didn't know it could be like that. I know I shouldn't have played that song with Darren, but..."**_

_**"No, April. It's not your fault. It's me."**_ You said sobbing, wiping away some tears. _**"I and my stupid weakness to see Darren and figure out that I love him like hell and the frustration to know I can barely do something about. When I came here I thought I could do it, I was self-confident. But then I saw him, April. And we talked... and if before I was confused, now I'm a complete mess of confusion."**_

_**"What? Have you talked?"**_ April asked curious and frowning.

_**"Yeah...but no about all I had to say to him. He told me he needs time. And I can't..." **_You said with chocked voice and burst into tears again.

_**"Let it go, for your own good. If he loves you, he's gonna come back to you and you're gonna be able to finally talk to him."**_ April said reassuringly. _**"C'mon, let's go out for a dinner and catch me up."**_

* * *

_TWO DAYS LATER…_

* * *

The days since the last time you saw Darren went by very fast. You didn't see him again and he didn't text you at all. You only got one text message from him the next day you went to his hotel room to see Sami; a text message that said that Sami was better and thanking you for your help. He didn't mention the talk you had and he neither mentioned he wanted to talk to you about it. It was just a short and concise text. You tried to not to think so much about Darren, but the truth was your meeting affected you a lot. You couldn't keep away from your mind the half and quick kiss, the feeling of Darren touching your arm and hands, his eyes, his smile. Every second you found yourself thinking of him, even though you didn't want it. But the thing about you used to think a lot the few last days was about the song he wrote. If Darren was actually feeling like that, maybe you wouldn't have a chance because he was so closed minded to see another point of view about the situation. You couldn't blame him for that, but you could blame him for not listening to you. If he only gave you the chance to talk to him, possibly everything would be fine at this time. But it wasn't like that and it seemed that Darren was going to need a long time to clear up his mind like he said he wanted to do. Meanwhile you needed to keep going and April said she was going to help you, just as Matt said once you told him all the news. It seemed that both of them were plotting something that they refused to tell you and you actually weren't sure if you wanted to know it.

Even though you didn't want to see Darren after realizing all he made you feel every time you saw him; today was a special day. That night was the opening night of his new show on Broadway, where he was going to portray the main role of the work. Of course you've planned with Darren to go watch him performing in first row, going with him to the after show party. That wasn't going to happen now, but you couldn't skip his opening night even though everything was screwed. You knew this was special for him, and regardless you didn't want to see him in this moment, you loved him and if this was special for him, you were going to be there. Darren didn't need to know you were going to his show; you were going only to watch the play and then you were going to leave as any other normal person would do. After all it was a Broadway show, and you loved it; you loved everything that had to do with Broadway. Obviously you weren't going to go alone, Matt agreed to join you because he also loved Broadway and of course to make you company.

**To Matt: Still on for tonight? Don't you dare to regret at this time, Matt, or I swear I'm gonna make your life miserable.**

**From Matt: Oh, snap! It seems I don't have any getaway. Darn. You're talking of going out for an ice cream, aren't you?**

**To Matt: The ice cream is what I'm gonna throw at your face if you don't come here at time to go to the show.**

**From Matt: Shit! I'm bamboozled. Maybe I could accept your offer of going to some particular show. I'm bringing a friend, hope you don't mind!**

**To Matt: As long as your friend isn't your Optimus Prime robot.**

**From Matt: Hey, you! What's up with you and my Optimus Prime robot? But no, it's not my Optimus Prime robot. He's a flesh and blood friend.**

**To Matt: A friend, huh? Is he only a friend?**

**From Matt: There you are, gossip girl! He is only a friend. And April is coming too, so you won't feel alone. The more the merrier?**

**To Matt: The more the merrier. I'll be waiting for you, April and your "friend". See you in a bit, Drama King!**

It didn't take so long till you heard your doorbell ringing, just in time you finished to dress up and put some make up on. You quickly grabbed your purse and your coat to leave your apartment and walk to where April's car was parked. When you got into the car, you recognized April and Matt; but there was this boy, Matt's friend, who you didn't know who was. It was a pretty handsome guy; tall with toned body, messed dark hair and deep blue-gray eyes, with the most perfect nose you've ever seen and a scruffy look. He really looked as a model and you stared at him dazzled until you realized you were looking like a fool when Matt and April chuckled softly mockingly. If this guy was gay and he was into Matt, you needed to talk to Matt and tell him to not let him go. The guy smiled brightly at you, exposing his perfect white teeth. Gosh, he was charming like some kind of hip Disney prince.

_**"Nice to meet you. I'm Nick, Matt's friend who isn't Optimus Prime."**_ Nick said graciously, still smiling brightly and you blushed slightly.

_**"Oh dammit. He didn't tell you the Optimus Prime story."**_ You said a little embarrassed. For some reason this guy was making you feel introverted.

"_**Oh yes, he did. Such a good story. Thanks god I'm a real human being."**_ Nick said vivaciously and you laughed nervously. Why were you feeling like that?

_**"She wouldn't like to know all the things I told you, Nick."**_ Matt said amused, looking at Nick and you frowned, still blushing.

_**"What kind of things?"**_ You asked suspiciously.

_**"Oh nothing. Just things about you. Matt didn't forget to mention you were gorgeous. I can tell he was right."**_ Nick said...flirting? That wasn't possible, he was gay.

_**"Has he paid you to say so?"**_ You said blushing but trying to make it sound jokingly.

"_**Not at all. No one needs to be paid to say you're gorgeous. It's enough to just look at you to realize that it's like that."**_ Nick said smiling sexily with that bright smile. This was very odd. Why he was saying all those things? You were sure Matt had something to do with all of this, surely to make you feel better because lately you've been feeling down.

"_**Yeah, sure. Thanks, though."**_ You said shyly, looking down to avoid his deep and intense blue-gray eyes.

"_**Alright, let's go April or we're gonna be late. There's gonna be more time to flirt or whatever."**_ Matt said chuckling and April chuckled along with him. You were sure this was part of that famous plan they've been plotting.

All the way to the Broadway theatre, Nick talked to you still in that flirty way while the only you could do was being shy and nervous; of course you weren't used to be courted that way, to hear all those compliments he was saying you. At one point, it began to annoy you because you knew this surely was planned by Matt and April and if they thought this was a good way to make you feel better and forget Darren, they were wrong. Not that you didn't like the things Nick was telling you; but considering this was planned and probably Matt and April told Nick to say nice things to you, made you feel that anything was true, that he was doing it because of pity. And there was nothing worse than feel pity for someone. Things were supposed to happen naturally and not planned. This context was worse if you stopped to think that it was probable that Nick was gay. At some point you thought that you must be looking as a girl who needed be loved desperately. Maybe you needed to feel loved, but not that way, not with someone who you just met; you knew that what you wanted was to feel loved by Darren. Contemplating this situation, the best thing was to joke about the way Nick was flirting you, flirting with him also but in a jokingly way.

Finally you arrived at the theatre and Nick, as flirty as he was being, got out of the car before you could, to open for you the car door. You couldn't help remembering that time when you went to LA for the very first time to meet Darren, when he picked you up at the airport and he opened the car door for you, like a gentleman. You tried to not think about that moment, to not bring up Darren into your mind all the time; but it was inevitable. Nick helped you to get out of the car by giving you his hand and, when you finally got out, Nick intertwined his arm with yours. You looked at him startled by this action you weren't expecting. You didn't have the enough confidence to walk like that and, once again, you thought when you met Darren in person for the very first time in Central Park; when, even though you didn't know each other so much, he intertwined his arm with yours in public because it was cold. Nick was bringing you up a lot of memories you had with Darren and you couldn't tell why. Anyway, you let Nick to do so and you walked like that to the queue of people to enter to the theatre. The place was full of people of all ages, mainly teenagers with posters and pink sunnies like Darren was used to wear. Then, all of a sudden, the teens piled into a sector and started to scream in excitement. You tried to see what was happening and then you saw him; you saw Darren surrounded by bodyguards, walking to the theatre and smiling brightly, waving his hand to the people who were around. Your face surely reflected a little panic because Nick started to lead you to the queue of people who was moving to enter the theater, fact that you didn't realize. Seeing Darren that happy make you feel good, but seeing Darren again brought you a lot of feelings again; now you couldn't avoid feeling nervous every time you saw him. Meanwhile, the teens stopped screaming in excitement and that was a sign that Darren had already entered the theater. After several minutes, you finally entered to the Minskoff Theatre and searched for your seats, in the raised stalls. Matt and April sat next to each other and Nick, who was still taking you by your arm, sat next to you. The room was full of people; it was extraordinary to see so many people. Of course the show was going to start in about half an hour, s you had time to go to the bathroom.

_**"Be right back, I need to go to the bathroom." **_You whispered to all, getting up of your seat.

_**"Here we're gonna be, gorgeous."**_ Nick said smiling charmingly at you and you nodded blushing again.

You quickly walked away from your seat to find the way to the bathroom. Even though you loved Broadway, you never had the chance to go before because of economic reasons; so you didn't know where the bathroom was. Ironically, the first play that you were going to see on Broadway was Darren's show. It seemed that in all the new things you did or experienced in your life, Darren was involved or he has something to do. Again, you were thinking about Darren; damn, you needed to stop it. For now, you focused on finding the way to the bathroom in that magnificent and huge theatre. You didn't want to ask someone where the bathroom was because you'd seem a complete fool, so you just tried to figure it out by yourself and, of course, you were getting lost. Then you heard a voice yelling behind you.

_**"Look who's here!"**_ A very familiar voice exclaimed.

You turned around to check if it was the person you were thinking it was. Certainly, you were right. Joey was standing there looking at you with his usual big smile. It made you feel really joyful to see Joey again after a long time. He was a special person in your life who helped you in a very difficult moment. Even though you were used to text each other and you strengthened a nice friendship, you haven't seen him in person since that time you were in the beach house in Dockweiler Beach. A big and bright smile appeared on your face as a sign of your cheerfulness.

_**"Am I not gonna get a hug showing all the happiness you feel to see this goober again?"**_ Joey said frowning but still with his big smile.

_**"It depends."**_ You said jokingly and then you laughed before hugging him tight.

_**"With that hug I'm gonna think you missed me. Weird, because it seems years since the last time I got any news from you."**_ Joey said, looking at you.

"_**I'm sorry!"**_ You looked at Joey with a look very similar than Darren's puppy dog eyes. _**"I've been like crazy the last weeks, it's been all craziness!"**_

_**"Hey, first of all don't look at me that way. Then, is okay you wanted to take a break of my idiocy."**_ Joey answered amused, completely easeful. Did he know what happened between you and Darren? Because it didn't seem like that; but you weren't sure.

_**"You're such an idiot. I missed that idiocy."**_ You laughed playfully.

_**"That's a compliment, thank you." **_Joey bowed jokingly. _**"You're always welcome to join my idiocy; I'm not a stingy guy. Now you look lost."**_

_**"Oh, I am. It is too obvious it's my first time here?"**_ You asked curious and playfully.

"_**Nah, just a little bit, you know."**_ Joey giggled and you did the same. _**"Are you looking for your seat? Let me help you, the front stalls are right there, surely you have a seat in first row. Come with me."**_ Joey said pointing you the seats that were in front of the stage, and taking you by the arm.

"_**Oh, no, no!"**_ You said hurriedly blushing, stopping Joey. Maybe Joey had no idea that you and Darren broke up. _**"No, I don't have a seat in first row. Actually I already found my seat, in the raised stalls."**_

"_**In the raised stalls? Are you fucking kidding me? Why are you there?"**_ Joey asked confused.

"_**Well, the front stalls were expensive, I couldn't afford it."**_ You almost whispered a little ashamed. Why you were feeling like that with Joey?

"_**That's bullshit. I'm sure you have free pass for the front stalls! Hey, c'mon, you're the mysterious girl!"**_ Joey said as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole planet.

"_**Joey…Darren and I…well, it's not like before. You know…we are kind of…"**_ You started to say nervous, looking down.

"_**I know."**_ Joey said, this time softening his voice, compressive. _**"But come on, whatever what happened, you're still an important person to him. What makes you think you don't have free pass for those seats? Just because you had a little argument you have to clear up, it doesn't mean that Darren won't be happy to see you there, in that seat he was saving for you since he knew he was going to be in Broadway again."**_

"_**Joey, we didn't have just a little argument. He broke up with me and things are pretty screwed, he refuses to see me and he avoids seeing me. I don't think he's going to be happy as you said he would. It's better like this, trust me."**_ You said, this time sad because you were remembering why your relationship with Darren was so fucked up.

_**"So why you're here? I mean, if things are so screwed as you said...Why are you here anyway?" **_

_**"What?"**_ You asked confused because you never imagined Joey asking you that.

_**"You heard me. If things were so screwed, you wouldn't be here. If you ask for my opinion, I think both of you are overreacting things when the most obvious thing is that neither of you can be away from each other. But never mind, it's just my opinion and it's not right to talk about it here." **_Joey said easy, shrugging; while you looked at him astonished. You weren't expecting Joey saying all of those things.

_**"It's not so easy like that."**_

_**"Hey, listen we have time to talk about it and I can give you my point of view. But now we just should enjoy the show, shouldn't we?"**_ Joey said looking at you and trying to calm you and you nodded, looking down. _**"So, come with me to the first stalls."**_

_**"No, Joey, I'm sorry. I won't do that. I was only looking for the bathroom because I really need to go to the bathroom."**_ You said quickly, trying to change the subject of the conversation.

_**"To the bathroom? Oh hell, you're lost."**_ Joey said laughing. _**"You're completely in the wrong direction. The bathrooms are behind that huge door behind you."**_

_**"Oh dammit. I told you it's my first time here."**_ You said embarrassed, looking to that door and blushing.

_**"And it's completely understandable. I'll take you there. Anyway, I need to go to the bathroom as well."**_

_**"Alright. But I'm not sure you're gonna be allowed to enter the ladies room."**_ You said raising an eyebrow playfully.

_**"Oh shit! You ruined my hopes. I thought that by this time I looked like a hot lady."**_ Joey said frowning and faking frustration. _**"Fine, I give up. I'm going to the men's room."**_

_**"Don't feel bad. Someday you're gonna get it."**_ You winked at Joey and laughed softly along with him.

Joey took you by your arm and led you to the corridor where the bathrooms were. He led you to the ladies room and he stopped there.

"_**Well, here is it. I'm going to the men's room and then I'm gonna come here to wait for you because I know how women are when they say they have to go to the bathroom. I can't get why you can spend hours in the bathroom, man. Boys just go, pee and they're full. I have no idea what women do right there. Anyway, I'm gonna wait for you right here. If something comes to happen and I'm not here when you go out, then wait for me because it's gonna be me the one who's doing weird things in the bathroom. I need to check my makeup."**_ Joey said really quickly.

"_**Joey, Joey!"**_ You laughed. _**"I got it. Or you wait for me or I wait for you. Deal?"**_

"_**Deal."**_ Joey said giggling. _**"See you in a bit, please make it a bit or the show is gonna start without us!"**_ He laughed and you nodded.

You finally got into the bathroom and you looked yourself in the mirror, but really not looking at yourself. Instead, you were thinking in that little talk with Joey; even though your conversation didn't last so much, it meant a lot to you. You were really happy to see him again, he always knew how to make you laugh with his funny comments; but he always knew what to say to make you think about something in particular you couldn't or didn't want to think. What did he mean with that both Darren and you couldn't be away from each other? Of course you couldn't be away from Darren and you noticed this every time you saw him; the way you missed him and the way you wanted him back to your life were the enough proof. But Darren? He proved you he could be away from you, otherwise he'd have agreed talking to you and making this right; but he was very distant and honestly he didn't show you any kind of desire to see you again, even though you didn't want to think about it because it made you feel really distressed. And why was Joey very insistent of you going to the first row with him after the fact he knew that Darren broke up with you? Obviously Darren wouldn't be happy to see you there as Joey said, not after considering the way Darren treated you and the way Darren was taking this entire situation between the two of you. Maybe Joey hasn't understood that Darren neither wanted to see you nor to talk to you, he couldn't see how your relationship could be good again after all that happened. And why did he ask you why you were there? The answer was obvious; you wanted to see Darren's show because it was important to him. But...Was it the real reason? No, it wasn't; but you didn't want to face the truth. The truth was that you were there because you wanted to see Darren in all his glory, you wanted to see him happy and smiling as that boy you fell in love with, very different than the boy he was being now with you. You wanted to see his big and goofy smile that you missed, his incredible talent, his magnificence. You thought that coming here this night you'd have the chance to talk to him, that miraculously things between you both would be like before. But that wasn't going to happen and you needed to come to reality, the reality that Darren still felt things for you, but he was decided to not give it a try, once again. If that was easy for him, why it wasn't easy for you? For now, you needed to keep pretending that you were right, that you were over him because you didn't want to answer uncomfortable questions from your friends.

You forgot why you wanted to come to the bathroom because all you could do was to think about everything that the conversation with Joey brought up to your mind. You've been in the bathroom for so long now and probably Joey was outside, waiting for you. You just looked in the mirror again to fix your hair and then you went out the bathroom. But Joey wasn't there, he wasn't kidding when he said he needed to fix his makeup. That cheered you a little and made you laugh inside. You walked to the man's room to wait for Joey and you stopped in front the door when you heard some voices.

_**"I told you you're in speakerphone because I can't grab my phone to talk decently to you. I'm absurdly busy."**_ Joey's voice was saying, apparently talking with his phone.

_**"Oh fuck you, Joey. You're in the bathroom, aren't you?"**_ A man's voice said laughing. It was a voice that made you skip a beat of your heart. It was Darren's voice. You couldn't help it but getting closer to hear clearer.

_**"All I can say is that this place smells like Trix cereals and I'm feeling like peeing delightfully."**_

_**"Why the hell are you calling me few minutes before the show to tell me you're peeing delightfully? Does this conversation have a point? Otherwise, I'm gonna hang up to let you finish peeing delightfully alone."**_ Darren's voice said amused. _**"At least you could share some of those Trix cereals man, fucking delicious. Now I want some. Thanks, Hermione."**_

_**"That's offensive, dude! I brought my blue sweatband. That means I'm still Ron, your best friend who has some amazing and interesting news for you. But considering you don't appreciate my call..."**_ Joey said intriguingly.

"_**Fuck you, just say it, man! What the hell are you talking about? How the hell do you have news already? We saw each other an hour ago!"**_ Darren's voice said anxious and intrigued, still amused.

"_**I'm the king of news. They should give me a paid job to have all the breaking news. I'm so good, man."**_ Joey said, complimenting himself.

_**"They would, but you know...they don't want to lose the seriousness and responsibility which characterizes them. You'd lead them to the ruin."**_

_**"You know what? Screw the breaking news. I ain't telling you a shit now."**_ Joey said, trying to hold back his laughter.

_**"Say it or I'm gonna make those gorillas more known as security staff to kick you out. Just one call and your ass would end so bruised that you won't be able not even to sit."**_ Darren's voice said amused.

_**"Rude, man! And I thought we were friends. Weird!"**_ Joey faked a resentful voice. _**"These are interesting breaking news."**_

_**"Again...how do you get all those breaking news?"**_

_**"Let's say that it's interesting all the people you can meet here. Unbelievable."**_ Joey's said mysteriously and your heart started to beat faster. Was he going to tell Darren you were there? You didn't want it, but you couldn't stop him because he was inside the bathroom and he'd figure out you were listening all of this.

"_**Is she here?"**_ Darren's voice asked suddenly very nervous.

"_**Oh yeah, she is." **_

"_**Dammit."**_ Darren's voice exclaimed.

"_**What the hell is that supposed to mean? You could show more excitement, I'm telling you a very interesting breaking new."**_

"_**Shit, Joey. You know what it means. How does she look?"**_ Darren's voice asked, still nervous and eager.

"_**I must admit she looks outstanding. Man, she looks hot."**_ Joey exclaimed amused.

_**"Stop it, Joey."**_ Darren's voice said a little annoyed.

_**"Do I sense jealousy?"**_ Joey's voice said amused, making fun of Darren.

_**"Fuck you, Joey."**_ Darren's voice said annoyed. _**"But why do you say it?"**_

_**"Intrigued? Let me describe her. She's wearing a very hot black silk dress with a red heart on the chest which fits perfectly on her body. Man, the girl has a very nice looking body. She's wearing a totally awesome earrings. Man, I want those earrings, are a treble clef earrings! And her hair...I don't know what the hell she did with her hair but she has it tied in a neat side bun with parted sides falling on front. And her makeup, man. She has a smokey-eyed look, very sexy and sultry; and her lips... are red as hell. If I were you, I wouldn't leave the girl alone; she's going to be attacked by hungry men. Was I good at describing her?"**_ Joey asked amused.

_**"Just shut up, Joey. Tell me, is that dress a short dress?" **_

_**"It is. Wanting to see her legs?"**_ Joey made fun of Darren, letting out a giggle.

_**"Seriously, man? I'm gonna kick your ass when i get to see you. I know what dress she's wearing. The dress I gave to her the time we met in person for the first time, I gave it to her to recognize how she looked like. Dammit, she's wearing that dress. And how did she look?"**_ Darren asked again eager.

_**"I thought I just described her. Have you listened to me at all?" **_

_**"Idiot. I mean...Does she look happy?" **_

_**"Well..."**_ Joey started to say, doubting.

_**"Say it."**_ Darren demanded.

_**"Yeah, she looked happy. But she was pretending it. She still has her cheerful smile, but her eyes looked a little gloomy. I don't know man; you really need to stop having such a childish attitude and go talk to her. Hear yourself, man. Wanting to know all about her and she came here, Darren. That has to mean something, don't you think?"**_ Joey's voice turned serious.

_**"Don't meddle on this, Joey. Things don't happen without a reason. And yeah, of course I'm asking about her. What do you think? That I'm gonna act as if I don't feel anything at all by knowing she's here?"**_ Darren's voice said slightly annoyed.

_**"That's the point. You're so focused on what happened that you let your brain winning your feelings. Man, that sounds super sappy, but really. You're letting go the person who made you feel as happy, if not happier, as you were before Mia. Now you can't see it, but then you're gonna regret for not being brave enough to talk to her."**_ Joey said soundly.

_**"That's my business. I need time."**_

_**"Fuck you and that damn time, Darren! She's not going to wait for you forever, man! Really good things rarely happen, it's like the train comes once in life and if it leaves, and it may leave and never come back. You're losing the train, you're not coming at time and the train it's gonna leave without you, Darren. What happened to you, bud?"**_ Joey asked concerned.

_**"What the hell do you mean?"**_

_**"The man I know was self-confident, with a clear goal that would do whatever it takes to make it happen. The man I'm seeing now is a scared man, insecure, who doesn't know what he wants because he's overthinking everything and never has a clear goal because he makes up things on his mind that probably aren't like that. The hell, Darren. Go ahead and talk to her, goddammit!"**_ Joey exclaimed almost desperate.

_**"I told you it's my business, so I'm doing what I think it's the best." **_

_**"Damn, the best for what? Do you think that not talking to her is gonna make you feel better? Let me tell you that you won't get anywhere like that. But you know what? Do whatever you want, Darren. But when you decide to talk to her, it's gonna be late. She's a beautiful girl, inside and outside. Do you think that no one is gonna want to be with her? Do you think she's not gonna keep moving? If she does that, it's gonna be understandable. You're the fool who refuses to face his problems."**_ Joey said this time a bit annoyed.

_**"I'll do things my way. If she loves me, she's gonna wait for me, when I'm ready to talk."**_

_**"Great. Tell me when you realize that it's insane to wait for someone for so long. I warned you."**_

_**"Whatever."**_ Darren said completely upset and irritated. _**"Anyway, is she going to be in the seat I saved for her?"**_

_**"No. She paid for her seat. She may be with some friends or something."**_

_**"Oh."**_ Darren almost whispered, apparently... disillusioned? It sounded mirthless. _**"Is she going to the after party?"**_

_**"I didn't ask her that. Probably not. She refused going with me to the seat you saved for her."**_

_**"Joey, try to convince her to go."**_ Darren almost begged. Why was he doing that? It had no sense.

_**"Why? I thought you didn't want to talk to her."**_

_**"You know why."**_

_**"Because you can't be away from her even though you say you don't want to see her? Because you lov...?"**_

_**"What's doing a beautiful girl in front of a men's toilet door? The man should be the one spying the beautiful girl." **_A man's voice said behind you.

You turned around to see the man who said that. You didn't know who he was; he was an older man who was smiling amused. You blushed completely because the man said it very loud. Now you wanted to go away running. This man opened the door and you could see Joey who glanced at you, what made you blush even more, completely embarrassed.

"_**Oh holy shit."**_ Joey exclaimed disturbed.

"_**What? What the hell was that? Who else is there? What beautiful girl? Dammit, Joey. Are you with her? Did she hear all of this? Shit Joey, how could you…?"**_ Darren started to say edgy and completely nervous.

"_**I'll call you later, I need to hang up. Good luck on your show! You can do it, bud."**_ Joey said quickly, trying to be calm and you could see he hung up.

_**"I think this an unlucky moment."**_ The old man said raising his eyebrows and he closed the men's toilet door once he got inside.

You stood there; completely ashamed and unable to move, scared of the fact that Joey caught you hearing his conversation with Darren. Joey didn't come out the toilet instantly. This was your chance to get away from there, but you didn't do it. You didn't know what to do. After a few seconds, Joey finally came out from the toilet, with a slight smile on his face.

_**"Sorry it took me so long. And I thought I was going to be the one waiting for you. Naive."**_ Joey tried to joke, but he was still a bit nervous and you were blushing still embarrassed.

_**"Who would say, huh?"**_ You tried to say ease, but you totally failed.

_**"Have you been waiting a long?" **_

_**"No, just a little bit."**_ You said uncomfortable.

_**"Did you hear...?"**_ Joey started to ask a bit nervous and you frowned, pretending to not know what he was talking about. _**"Did you hear something while you were waiting?"**_

_**"Nothing at all. I was just checking if the show started or not."**_ You lied, feeling completely bad.

_**"Oh great. I think we have a little time before it starts. Let's go?"**_ Joey asked, feeling a little more relaxed, but still suspiciously.

_**"Yes, let's go." **_

Joey and you started to walk to the room where Darren was going to play his role on the show, in silence. When you got into the room, Joey looked at you and you started to feel uncomfortable again.

_**"Are you sure you don't want to come with me to the first row? There you're going to have a better view."**_ Joey asked, sounding convincing.

_**"I'm sure. Anyway, I'm with some friends. So..." **_

_**"I understand. Okay, I guess I'm gonna see you at the after party." **_

_**"Oh no. I'm not going to the after party. I don't think it's a good idea, and I'm with my friends. I can't just leave them." **_

_**"Please. You can go with your friends. It has no sense you don't go to the after party. Why do you say it's not a good idea?"**_ Joey asked, frowning.

_**"Because... you know. Darren said he didn't want to see me, even though you told him...Oh shit."**_ You said completely scared because you couldn't believe you let it out. You officially were a fool.

_**"You heard us."**_ Joey said, raising his eyebrows in surprise and astonished.

_**"I swear it wasn't my intention, Joey! I was just waiting for you and then...he was in speaker...I didn't want to..."**_ You tried to excuse yourself, completely embarrassed and desperate.

_**"No, it's okay."**_ Joey said frowning. _**"Since when were you listening to us?"**_

_**"I...since you told him he was in speaker because you were busy."**_ You said, giving up and looking down. You couldn't lie to him any longer.

_**"You heard everything."**_

_**"I'm so sorry, Joey. I didn't mean it, really."**_ You said, exasperated and regretful.

_**"Don't apologize. It's fine, i understand it wasn't your intention."**_ Joey said, with soft voice. _**"Listen, what you heard... Darren is overreacting. I know him and I know he didn't mean everything he said. He won't give up, he thinks he's not ready to talk to you, but he is. Just... please, don't give up on him, be patient. He loves you." **_

_**"And I love him. But, as you said, I can't wait forever because in the meantime, I feel really bad and I can't be like this because it's hurting me." **_You said honestly, looking down and distressed.

_**"I know, and it's fully understandable. But just, give him a little time. It's sad to see that you both are gonna end like this. You truly had something awesome, enviable for some people. He needs...a little incentive, something that makes him react and realize it's not as bad as he thinks he is. Please, come to the after party. He wants it; it could be a good chance. Don't miss it."**_ Joey almost begged at you. He was being very kind and he was giving you some advices. Joey was like the intermediary who could see this entire situation clear. He was trying to help both of you.

_**"But my friends..."**_ You said doubtfully.

_**"Come with them. But please come."**_

_**"Fine. I'll go."**_ You said, still insecure but he convinced you.

_**"Thank you. For being patient, for not giving up."**_ Joey said frankly thankfully and he hugged you. _**"I want to see you as the enviable couple you were. I know you can overcome this argument. Think that any couple would be boring and a lie if everything were perfect."**_

_**"Yeah..."**_ You said cheerless.

_**"Hey, don't be so hopeless. Even though you think you're not strong or you don't have chances, remember that I'm like an intermediary, so I know how both of you feel. You're braver than you think and stronger than you seem. Don't lose your hopes; i know you can do it."**_ Joey smiled reassuringly and you smiled slightly at him.

_**"Just let's see what happens in that after party."**_

* * *

You were in a place you didn't know, surrounded by a lot of strangers who were laughing and were cheerful while you were nervous trying to understand why you decided to go there. You were at the after party, but Darren wasn't there yet. Joey was talking to some people he knew and you noticed that the other Starkid weren't there. In the distance you saw Chuck, Cerine and Bill talking fluently; you didn't know if you should go there and greet them, if greeting them after all that happened between Darren and you was inappropriate, or if you'd interrupt them by greeting them. Wow, you never thought that breaking up with Darren would be so hard and would lead to many problems. For the moment, you decided to stay with Matt, April and Nick; who were very nervous and uncomfortable in a place like that surrounded by strangers and some people with a renowned reputation. Considering how nervous and insecure you were feeling, staying at the party maybe wasn't a good idea. Some people around were glancing at you and your friends with misgiving; you felt as if you shouldn't be there because you didn't belong to that area. You really hated when you were feeling like that because what you thought was very different from what you felt; you thought that you shouldn't be feeling excluded because after all, all those people were just humans like you. What was the difference between you and them? But what you felt was that they were superior, more powerful; and you were just a nowhere woman. You were in time to leave that party, but then you remembered why you were there and all that Joey told you, including the conversation you heard between Joey and Darren. Talking to Darren wasn't going to be easy and you knew it already; what you needed to do know was to take the risk to do all it takes to try to get him back. Even though if it meant to be in a place you didn't like or just being discriminated and underestimated by people around you. You needed to try to be strong and relaxed and not to let out your feelings of sadness and hopelessness. You were sure that you wanted Darren back; you couldn't stop thinking about him as your friends told you to do. You tried to convince yourself that everything would be fine.

"_**Remind me why are we here?"**_ April whispered, looking at you.

"_**I have no idea." **_You answered nervous, shrugging. _**"Because we were invited I guess."**_

"_**Are you sure we were invited? Look at all those people. Why are they looking at us that way? I feel as if I were a monster or something."**_ Matt whispered, looking around.

"_**Shh, Matt! You really don't want them to hear that."**_ You complained in a whisper, also looking around. _**"But yeah... I don't know why they're looking at us that way. It's uncomfortable."**_

"_**Relax, guys."**_ Nick finally said, smiling charmingly and resting a hand on your shoulder, what made you shiver. _**"We only need to pretend we're part of this, even though we aren't. What's the worst that can happen to us here? They won't kick us out; and if they do, we're gonna have an experience to tell our friends and laugh about our adventures."**_ Nick said loose, smiling and shrugging.

_**"Yes, Nick's right."**_ You said looking at Nick very impressed because of his ability to be very calm in a situation like that. _**"Thanks Nick, to try to make us see all of this in a very different point of view."**_

_**"For you, gorgeous, everything."**_ Nick winked at you and smiled flirty; you just frowned because of his weird behavior that you couldn't understand since you met him.

_**"Well, well."**_ Matt said amused, looking at you and Nick. _**"At least two of us could have a good night."**_

_**"What?"**_ You asked suspiciously and confused. What the hell was Matt trying to say? Why were they acting weird with you? You had a lot of things on your mind already to think about this too.

_**"Thinking about it is what makes me feel good in this moment."**_ April said, also amused. _**"Well Matt, we're gonna need a little incentive to make ourselves feel comfortable. Let's go get some of those expensive drinks."**_

_**"Hell yes, let's go. Suddenly I'm thirsty!"**_ Matt exclaimed exaggeratedly, winking at you amused.

Matt and April left you alone with Nick to go get some drinks. What the hell was that? They were acting really weird with you about Nick. You didn't even know Nick and he made you feel a little uncomfortable because of the way he was always flirting with you, even though Nick was gay. Was he really gay? You didn't know it, but it was what you wanted to think; otherwise this situation would be extremely embarrassing. You were seeing where Matt and April were going to avoid Nick's eyes, you didn't know what to do with him neither what to say.

"_**Matt told me a lot about you."**_ Nick said and you startled to hear his voice, finally looking at him to see those deep and beautiful eyes fixed on yours._** "When he told me about you, I never imagined I could meet a person like you."**_

"_**What do you mean?"**_ You asked frowning and bewildered and Nick laughed softly. That was a stunning laughter. He surely was a model.

_**"Well, he told me you were funny and a really unbelievable person. But you were going through a bad moment because of a guy that apparently broke up with you. Then I met you and i said to myself...That guy is an idiot to let go a girl so gorgeous like you, not to mention all the good things Matt told me about you."**_ Nick said, looking deep into your eyes. You surely were blushing because suddenly the room wasn't cold at all. _**"It was impossible for me to believe that someone like you could be suffering because of a guy, because you could make any man to fall at your feet."**_

_**"What? No, it's not like that."**_ You said embarrassed and looking away. Gosh, this situation was uncomfortable. You were going to kill Matt.

_**"Yes it is. Why do you have a low self-esteem? Any girl like you would be showing off their beauty." **_Nick said, piercing your eyes.

_**"Maybe I'm not like any girl. And maybe because I don't have anything to show off."**_ You said this time a little annoyed. Matt and his plans.

_**"That's a good thing; that you aren't like any other girl. You're unique and that's what makes you so fascinating. But don't say you don't have anything to show off because any sane person would know that's a huge lie. Maybe you don't look at yourself in a mirror so often."**_ Nick said winking with his sexy smile, but you were annoyed.

_**"Stop with this acting. I know you and Matt have plotted something. I don't need anyone to feel pity for me. I'm good being all by myself."**_ You said raising an eyebrow and crossing your arms, completely upset.

_**"What acting? I'm not acting anything; I'm just saying all I think. Trust me, Matt and I haven't plotted anything. I just came here because I'm a Broadway lover."**_ Nick said bemused, frowning.

_**"Right. As if I were so stupid to not notice you were flirting with me because Matt told you so to make me stop thinking about the guy who broke up with me. Please, as if I were so idiot to not notice you're gay."**_ You said in a bit harsh voice.

_**"What?"**_ Nick laughed stunned and perplexed. _**"Gosh, no. I'm not gay at all. What made you think that?"**_

_**"Please..." **_You said raising an eyebrow, but Nick was still laughing slightly and apparently he was being serious. Oh damn, this was now the most embarrassing thing you've ever said.

_**"Really. I like women. The fact I'm single doesn't mean I don't like women."**_ Nick said this time amused. Why was he laughing, amused and nice to you after you told him you thought he was gay?

_**"I...I thought you were...you know, Matt's friend...I thought you and Matt...Oh shit, this is embarrassing."**_ You said blushing hard.

_**"Hey, it's alright. I'm a straight guy who digs the homosexuals. Matt and I are just old friends since we were in high school."**_ Nick said laughing and looking into your eyes._** "By the way, it's cute when you blush."**_

_**"Oh god."**_ You exclaimed, blushing even more and covering your cheeks, which were burning. Why did you have to be so stupid and say things before thinking? You were the most awkward person in the whole universe.

_**"I'm sorry for being so flirty with you. I'm not usually like this. It's just I saw you and I was fascinated with you."**_ Nick said looking at you with a sexy smile. God, this guy. _**"Let's start over again. Hi, I'm Nick; it's a pleasure to meet you." **_Nick said, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

_**"Oh please."**_ You laughed this time looking at him. _**"It's a pleasure to meet you, Nick."**_ You said smiling amused, shaking his hand.

_**"Can I invite you a drink?"**_ Nick said playfully.

_**"Yeah, sur..."**_ You started to say, but you were interrupted.

"_**Finally I see you again!"**_ Chuck's voice said behind you and you turned around to see him with a big smile. He didn't give you time to say anything because he pulled you into a hug.

_**"See? I told you we were going to see each other sometime."**_ You laughed softly, happy to notice that things with Chuck haven't changed even though Darren and you weren't together anymore.

_**"You haven't broken your promise. I'm glad."**_ Chuck said smiling brightly and then he noticed Nick's presence.

_**"Oh."**_ You said, looking at Nick and then to Chuck again. _**"He's Nick. Nick, he's Chuck."**_ You introduced both of them and they shook their hands formally.

_**"Pleasure. I'm Chuck Criss. Darren's brother."**_ Chuck introduced himself politely.

_**"It's my pleasure. Are you the brother of the leading actor?"**_ Nick asked curious and surprised, looking at Chuck and you, also slightly confused.

_**"I am, the proud old brother."**_ Chuck smiled politely.

_**"I'm amazed. I didn't know you were friends with the brother of the leading actor."**_ Nick said looking at you, raising his eyebrows, completely stunned and you started to feel uncomfortable. You didn't want to explain how you and chuck met.

_**"Well, yeah...I am..."**_ You said nervously, looking down.

_**"We're more like family. And I actually met her thanks to my little bro."**_ Chuck said, smiling brightly.

_**"Really? So that's the real reason why we're at this party. Why didn't you tell me that you're friends with the leading actor? That's amazing!"**_ Nick said impressed, obviously inadvertently how the actual situation with Darren was.

_**"She? Friends with Darren?"**_ Chuck laughed softly, slightly frowning. Also Chuck couldn't understand your relationship with Nick. You needed to stop that conversation, or it would end in a bad and uncomfortable situation.

_**"Well!"**_ You exclaimed loudly, trying to stop their conversation but it didn't work.

_**"What is that supposed to mean?"**_ Nick asked curious and slightly amused. Damn, why he couldn't notice how things were?

_**"I wouldn't call them just friends. They're...well, they were or they are a couple, duh. That's why she's like my family. Right?"**_ Chuck said smiling at you and placing a hand on your shoulder.

As you predicted, the situation turned very uncomfortable. You looked down, feeling uncomfortable. Nick raised his eyebrows in astonishment, this time he was really serious and he got tense. Now Nick wasn't finding this funny and interesting at all. Why was he like that if he didn't know you at all? He couldn't be jealous because you just met. On the other hand, it seemed that Chuck said something he wasn't supposed to say.

_**"Oh."**_ Nick finally exclaimed bitterly.

_**"Anyway..."**_ Chuck said, trying to change the topic of the conversation once he noticed the situation was tense. _**"My parents are right over there. They'd love to see you. You could come and bring your...friend." **_Chuck said doubtfully, now apparently suspecting something that it wasn't like that.

_**"Yeah, my friend."**_ You said emphasizing the last word. _**"I'd love to see them."**_ Now you tried to smile.

Chuck nodded and he started to walk toward them. Nick, surprisingly, took you by the arm and you got even more nervous. You could notice that Chuck glanced at you and he frowned slightly, bewildered. Why was Nick taking you by your arm? He shouldn't be doing that; but when tried to take your arm away from him, he grabbed you more firmly. Finally you reached where Cerine and Bill were and they looked at you with a bright and big smile; both of them hugging you warmly. It made you feel very touched, because you weren't expecting that attitude. It seemed as if nothing has changed and now, more than before, you wanted to fix things with Darren.

_**"Hi sweetheart! It's nice to see you again!"**_ Cerine said kindly, grabbing your hands; while Bill stood next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. They were still being your family, you felt contained with them. It was a feeling you couldn't describe.

_**"I'm so happy to see you, Mr. and Mrs. Criss."**_ You said smiling fondly. You realized that you missed them a lot.

_**"Oh please! When is gonna be the day you call us Bill and Cerine? It's been a year, it's time."**_ Bill said kindly, slightly laughing.

_**"I guess is the custom."**_ You said, laughing slightly along with them.

_**"Let's see if that custom changes soon. I think that a dinner with all the family together tomorrow night would help. What do you say?" **_Bill asked politely, smiling.

_**"I...I don't know...I mean...after..."**_ You started to stutter awkwardly. Of course you wanted to have a dinner with them, but considering your situation with Darren, it wasn't a good idea.

_**"Don't you dare to mention that you reject the offer because of Darren. We already had a little talk about it on Christmas."**_ Chuck said, looking intently at you.

_**"But..."**_ You started to say, looking down.

_**"Please, sweetheart. Your situation with Darren doesn't change our relationship. I think the dinner is a good idea."**_ Cerine said sweetly and you couldn't reject it after it.

_**"Okay. I'd like to have a dinner with you."**_ You said shyly, but smiling.

_**"I'm gonna make my specialty. If you still accept the rematch. I can prove I'm a better cook."**_ Chuck laughed.

_**"I doubt it." **_You laughed playfully, remembering old times.

_**"I'm gonna change your opinion tomorrow night."**_ Chuck challenged you playfully.

_**"Here are the drinks."**_ A woman's voice said behind you. You recognized that voice because some old bad memories popped into your mind. _**"Interesting who's here. Long time."**_

Mia was looking at you raising an eyebrow, apparently amused; but it wasn't a nice kind of amusement. She fixed her eyes on yours and then she looked at Nick, who was in silence next to you. She was smiling in a weird way with two glasses filled with wine that gave to Cerine and Bill. A feeling of hate ran throughout your entire body when you remembered the time Mia treated you like crap, when she started to seduce Darren although she knew he was with you. She was the only person you hated besides your mother.

_**"Yeah, long time."**_ You said harshly and seriously, looking at her fixedly. She was still smiling you in that weird way, almost perverse.

_**"And is this guy your new boyfriend?"**_ Mia asked loudly and the she got closer to whisper something on your ear. _**"You know how to change boyfriends on a snap. Impressive."**_

_**"Oh no, he's my friend Nick."**_ You said faking a smile and then you also whispered something in her ear. _**"Wanting to make your job of seducing people only because of fun? Very mature of you."**_

_**"It's a pleasure, Nick. I'm Mia." **_Mia pretended to be nice as she did with you that night on the beach. Hypocrite.

_**"It's my pleasure, Mia."**_ Nick said politely.

In that moment, a lot of people started to talk louder. In the distance, you saw that Darren entered in the room. All the people around walked toward the direction where he was; that gave Mia the chance to take you by surprise, grabbing your arm harshly. You looked at her with anger, an anger you didn't feel in a long time.

_**"You think I'm a bitch, but let's see who the bitch here is. You cheated on Darren and you left him alone, you didn't care a shit about his feelings because the bitch is having a blast with another guy. Poor Darren! So helpless while you're having the time of your life making fun of him."**_ Mia whispered in your ear with malice, still grabbing your arm harshly. How the hell did Mia know about it? Has Darren talked to her about it?

_**"Let go my arm!"**_ You pulled it abruptly, looking at her angrily. _**"Don't touch me, or this time you won't end in a good way."**_

_**"Oh, I'm shaking of frighten."**_ Mia made fun of you.

_**"I wonder how you can be so immature. Don't mess my life because I'm gonna do the same and you won't like it. I know a lot of things about you."**_ You said defiant, still looking at her with hate.

_**"I see you like to play dirty. Who would think that a girl who looks like a harmless and cute girl could be hiding a real bitch inside? Appearances are deceptive."**_

_**"I say exactly the same. You won't fuck me up again. Please, grow up!"**_ You said contemptuously. What was happening to you? You weren't like this since the last conversation you had with your mother. The hate you felt for Mia was making lose your control.

_**"What did you say?"**_ Mia asked furious, grabbing you by both of your arms very harshly that was starting to hurt you.

_**"Woah! What's going on here?"**_ Nick said when he finally turned around, looking at both of you.

_**"Nothing. I was just telling her that I missed her a lot. Right, sweetie?"**_ Mia said hypocritically nice and smiling falsely.

_**"Yes, right."**_ You smiled falsely as well, without stopping looking at her. Mia finally let out your arms.

_**"Okay..."**_ Nick said suspiciously and he wrapped his arm around your back, in a protective way. He wasn't a fool.

_**"Oh, you're a nice couple."**_ Mia exclaimed falsely.

_**"We're not a couple. She's my friend, as she said."**_ Nick said firmly, still looking at Mia suspiciously.

_**"Really? It doesn't seem like that considering the way you look at her and the way you're very affectionate each other."**_ Mia said promptly.

_**"Oh yeah, we're just friends. And if I'm being affectionate with her it's because I don't trust you and the way you look at her."**_ Nick said coldly and that surprised you. Nick was acting very nice to you; he was protecting you even though he didn't know you and you were very thankful because of that.

_**"Very honest."**_ Mia said raising an eyebrow, this time not so nice. _**"Lose care; I don't like wasting my time with people like her."**_

The conversation ended in that moment, but Mia was standing next to you anyway. The three of you looked in the direction where Darren was. He looked really happy, taking some pictures with a lot of people and talking cheerfully with them. Suddenly, Darren looked up and his eyes met yours. You remained looking at each other for a long time. Darren's face now was serious and he was looking at you very fixedly with his lips parted, he seemed to be shocked and astonished. And you couldn't take your eyes off him. Then finally Darren looked away and kept talking to the people who were around him. What the fuck was that moment? It seemed to have lasted a lot of minutes. You felt a lot of things by just looking at him. Then you noticed that Mia and Nick were looking at you incredulously; that only meant that you didn't make up thing on your mind, that moment between Darren and you actually happened. Then you looked away, trying to focus your sight in another thing to not to look at Darren again. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't notice anything that was happening around you. You didn't notice that Darren was now where you, Nick and Mia were.

_**"Hi."**_ Darren said and you looked up at him, getting extremely nervous. Although he greeted in general, he was looking particularly at you.

Darren greeted at Mia with a quick kiss on her cheek, the he shook his hand with Nick and then he stopped in front of you. He looked deep into your eyes for a while, before placing a hand on your waist and kissing your cheek slowly. Gosh, you couldn't control your feelings, this was very intense for you and you couldn't tell why because you were in situations like this with Darren before. Darren looked into your eyes again still standing in front of you and placing his hand on your waist, but then Mia grabbed his arm and pulled him close to her. Darren looked at Mia frowning and stunned and Mia linked her arm with his.

_**"You were incredible and flawless, Dar."**_ Mia said smiling widely and she kissed his cheek, near the corner of his mouth. Darren pulled his face away from her quickly and he looked at her frowning.

_**"Thank you, Mia."**_ Darren answered shortly, still frowning and then he looked at you again. You were just observing Mia's intention with suspicion. _**"I didn't know you were coming."**_ Darren told you with a half-smile.

_**"Well, I saw Joey in the..."**_ You started to say, but Mia interrupted you.

_**"She came! Isn't it amazing?"**_ Mia exclaimed hypocritically and still with her arm intertwined with Darren's. _**"And she didn't come alone. She came with her new boyfriend." **_Mia said, looking at you in a bitchy manner with an evil half smile.

_**"What?"**_ Darren asked abruptly, looking at you very serious and frowning. His face was transfigured and you never saw Darren like that. He looked furious but confused and distressed at the same time. Then he paid attention at Nick, looking at him fiercely.

_**"Her new boyfriend, Nick. Isn't he a very nice looking guy?"**_ Mia said in a bitchy manner again.

_**"He isn't my boyfriend."**_ You said coldly, looking at Mia in anger.

_**"You should've seen them, Dar. They're so cute and affective each other! Aren't they a nice couple?"**_ Mia added, really hypocritically and maliciously.

_**"What the fuck are you talking about, Mia?"**_ Darren asked offhandedly, looking at her upset and frowning.

_**"I'm just saying that they're a very nice couple. Like us."**_ Mia said, smiling widely and falsely at Darren. You looked at Mia even madder, and Nick remained silent.

_**"What the hell?"**_ Darren exclaimed angrily, getting away from Mia. _**"There's no us."**_ Darren affirmed firmly and you felt really good inside when Darren said that. But then he looked at you also angrily and hurt. _**"Is this guy your boyfriend?"**_

_**"No he's not."**_ You said desperate. Darren didn't believe you. _**"He's my friend."**_

_**"Please, don't lie."**_ Mia said bitchy.

_**"I'm not lying! Who do you know about me anyway?"**_ You said this time unable to control your wrath.

_**"Oh I know a lot of things. You would be..."**_ Mia started to say evilly.

_**"Dammit, stop!"**_ Darren almost yelled, frowning and really annoyed. Few people near you turned around to see you all.

_**"Darren..."**_ Mia started to say, softening her voice.

_**"Damn, Mia! Stop it."**_ Darren said really furious. And both you and Mia looked at Darren astonished. _**"Go away. I'd like to talk to her, alone."**_

_**"But..."**_ Mia started to say, desperate. You remained silent, still astonished.

_**"I said I wanted to talk to her alone."**_ Darren said roundly, looking at you. _**"Please, alone."**_ Darren said, looking at Nick.

_**"Yeah, sure. I'm just going to drink something."**_ Nick said shyly and uncomfortable. He looked at you and squeezed your arm softly before leaving. This didn't go unnoticed by Darren, who glanced at Nick abhorrently.

_**"Mia, leave us alone."**_ Darren said determined and Mia looked at you in a rage before leaving furious. Once alone, Darren looked at you anguished. You weren't expecting to see Darren looking at you that way. _**"What the hell was all of that?"**_

_**"What do you mean?"**_ You asked, playing dumb.

_**"Please, don't do that."**_ Darren said tired and sighing. _**"So, you have a new boyfriend. You haven't mentioned me that the last time we saw each other."**_

_**"Because I don't have a boyfriend. Nick is only a friend. I actually just met him here, he's Matt's friend." **_

_**"Oh, Matt. Right."**_ Darren said annoyed. _**"So Matt, Nick. How many guys do you have?"**_

_**"Oh please, Darren."**_ You said incredulous. _**"Really?"**_

_**"You seem pretty fond of Matt. All the time it's about that Matt guy."**_ Darren said getting furious. _**"Matt this, Matt that. I wonder why you didn't pick Matt instead me."**_

_**"What, Darren? Oh god."**_ You said frowning, getting annoyed.

_**"Yeah, Matt and you would..."**_

_**"Matt is gay, Darren."**_ You interrupted him abruptly because you were losing your patience. Darren raised his eyebrows in surprise and then he remained silent and frowning for a while.

"_**So what's up with this Nick guy? Mia said you were very affectionate each other."**_

_**"You know how Mia is. She was lying, what she would know about me?"**_ You said still incredulous. _**"And nothing is up with Nick."**_

_**"Mia never lied at me. Why would she be lying about it? You and Nick seemed very close."**_

_**"Seriously? Mia never lied at you? Are you sure about it?"**_ You asked getting really furious. You couldn't believe Darren was saying it.

_**"I don't see the point why she'd lie about this."**_

_**"You're fucking kidding me, Darren." You said bitterly and annoyed. "Did you forget that time at the beach?"**_ You asked raising your eyebrow. _**"Mia's attitude doesn't surprise me at all. And you know me. Do you really think I'd be in a relationship with another guy? You know what I feel for you."**_

_**"That's the damn point!"**_ Darren exclaimed desperate. _**"I don't even know if I know you at all. I don't even know what you feel for me or not. I don't fucking know if you're the one who's lying, because you know how to lie. You could be in a relationship with ten guys at the same time and I wouldn't know it because you'd be lying as you were doing all this time!"**_

Darren's words hurt you deep in your heart. He'd never forget you for hiding from him your real name; your chances to get him back seemed really distant and almost impossible. You couldn't believe he thought all of that about you after all the time you were together, after all the deep things about your private life you shared with him. Honestly, you were tired. You looked deep into his eyes, very painfully.

_**"Right, Darren. I swear I tried; I tried very hard to attempt talking to you. But now I see it, you'd never believe me again and I'm tired. All of this is in vain, because I could talk to you and you could understand me and maybe believe me. But you'd always hold a grudge inside. Dammit, I'm finally seeing it!"**_ You exclaimed with chocked voice and eyes full of tears; finally facing with the reality you were trying to avoid. _**"You're not even being yourself when you're around me now. You're being a very different person. I'm not a good influence for you. Look at you now. What happened with your goofiness, your happiness, self-confidence, your positive way to see everything? You lost it all, and it was because of me. I don't want it. It won't work again, will it?" **_You said this time shedding some tears because you were seeing everything clear now.

Darren was just looking down, silent. He also knew you were right, but he didn't utter a word. You remained looking at him with tears in your eyes, realizing that Darren won't say anything because he didn't have anything to say, because you said it all. It was hard to realize it, but you finally did and now you didn't have anything else to do there.

_**"Enjoy the party, you deserve it. You were fabulous tonight."**_ You said resigned and Darren didn't answer at you.

You left the party alone; you left it as fast as you could. Yu didn't even stop to think about Matt, April and Nick. They would probably understand you that you really needed to get out of there as soon as you could. You left the party crying because you were facing that denied reality; because you knew those were the last words you would ever say to Darren. And maybe those were going to be the last tears you would shed for Darren. You needed to learn how to live without him.

* * *

_NEXT DAY…_

* * *

It was noon on New Year's Eve when you heard the sound of your bell ringing in your apartment. You really didn't want to get up from your bed because you were really sad because of all that happened last night. It was one of the hardest things you did, to walk away from the person you loved for his own good. It took you a lot of courage and unselfishness to do what you did. You needed to be alone; you didn't want to be disturbed of your thoughts. But the bell rang again. Probably it was Matt or April, trying to talk to you and ask why you left the party without warning, to ask you what happened with Darren because surely Nick told them something. And you weren't in mood to talk about Darren. Maybe they were going to think that you weren't in your apartment and they would leave. They wouldn't be able to communicate with you because you turned off your phone. You didn't want anyone to disturb you in this moment. Once more time the bell rang. You started to think you were going to spend the New Year's Eve and the New Year alone, just like before. Thinking about it depressed you a lot, thinking that probably things would be different now if it weren't for your mistake that screwed everything between you and Darren. The bell rang once more time. Alright. You got up from your bed; maybe you could explain April or Matt or whoever it was the person behind your front door, that you wanted to be alone at least for a couple of days. You'd say that and that was going to be it all. You didn't even bother to look into the mirror; probably you were a complete mess with very swollen eyes as a result you had been crying all night long. You just walked toward your front door, downhearted, and you opened the door. It was neither April nor Matt. Darren was standing in front of you, head down and crestfallen. You looked at him in shock. Why was Darren in your front door? He looked up at you and your eyes met a pair of sad eyes. After few seconds, Darren finally talked.

"_**I'm ready to talk, to see if this is gonna work or not."**_


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Alright guys! A new chapter is up! The time to talk is on and…what would happen? This chapter is all about you and Darren, no secondary characters involved this time! I wanted to tell you that after this chapter maybe two more chapters are going to come and then Chain Letters is gonna end. I hope you can enjoy the last chapters of this story that I loved to share with you all and I want to thank you to take your time for reading this story. I want to thank in advance all the nice and encouraging reviews, comments, private messages you left me throughout the story was developed. It may sound cheesy or whatever but honestly I wouldn't be able to keep writing if it wasn't for you all and your lovely words. I never imagined that so many people was going read my silly stories and even less that I was going to get so many kind reviews! Thank you all, really. There's a **WARNING** on this chapter! If you're under age or if you don't like the smut, maybe it's better if you don't read the chapter, at least the last part. Now I'm gonna stop writing this annoying author note and I'm gonna let you read this chapter. Grab your popcorn and...ENJOY!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 10**

* * *

"_**Hold on."**_ You said edgy and you tried to close the door, but Darren interposed his hand to keep you from doing so.

"_**No. If you close that door, probably I'm gonna go away. It's now or never."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes with a nervous look, still holding the door.

"_**But..."**_ You said looking at yourself. You were a complete mess and this situation took you by unsuspecting.

"_**This isn't the first time I see you like this, and I honestly don't mind. All I want is to talk."**_ Darren said softly, stepping forward. _**"Can I come in? But if you prefer, we can go to some coffee shop or whatever but in that case we're gonna have to deal with people who come to us."**_

_**"I wouldn't like it. So yes, come in."**_ You said opening the door wider and stepping aside to let him in.

Darren entered your apartment and he stood there looking around with his hands in his pockets, shyly. It seemed as if it was the first time he was there, as if you were strangers and he didn't feel comfortable being there. You closed the door, but you stayed behind Darren, looking his back and cursing yourself inside for being this mess and not knowing what to do. First of all, you needed to make him feel comfortable there, otherwise this was going to be an awkward situation and not a simple and honest conversation as it was supposed to be. It was supposed that you needed to feel secure because you were waiting for this moment to talk to Darren for so long, but you were feeling the opposite. The reason of feeling nervous and insecure was because you weren't expecting Darren to come over, because you gave up. But having him in front of you in this moment, made things different. He came to your place without you have asked him so; he took his own decision to talk although all the things you said to him last night. This was something important. What could have changed his mind? Maybe you would know once you talk to him. For now, you were going to try to break with the discomfort and tense situation.

"_**There aren't so many places to sit, but there's a really comfortable couch which would be glad to receive your ass."**_ You tried to joke but you feel really stupid inside. That was a stupid comment. Anyway, Darren turned around to look at you less nervous and with a half-smile on his face; apparently your comment has worked.

_**"I bet your couch missed my ass."**_ Darren continued with the joke and it made you feel a little better. _**"I wouldn't want to make it feel miserable, so I'm gonna fulfil its wish to receive my ass."**_

_**"I take your word."**_ You said smiling slightly at him. _**"Do you want something to drink?"**_

_**"Well, I wouldn't refuse if you tell me you have beer. But considering is noon and today is New Year's Eve, probably it isn't a good idea. I'm fine, thanks."**_ Darren said, walking toward the couch to sit there, making himself feel comfortable.

"_**Good, because I don't have any beer."**_ You said smiling and then you walked toward the couch to sit next to Darren a little shy, looking down. But then you heard Darren laughing softly, what made you look up at him. He was looking at you and laughing jovially. _**"What? Why are you laughing?"**_ You asked frowning and suspiciously. You didn't say anything funny and you didn't do any weird gesture, or at least that was you thought.

_**"It's just...your...your hair!"**_ Darren said choppy because of the laughter.

_**"What? What's up with my hair?"**_ You said getting nervous and touching your hair.

_**"Just..."**_ Darren said amused and he leaned to accommodate a few locks of your hair. _**"There...it's better now." **_He said still smiling amused and you of course blushed.

_**"Oh my God. I told you to wait, this is embarrassing." **_

_**"Embarrassing?"**_ Darren asked frowning but still with that amused smile. _**"To have a natural look? As if I never saw you like that!"**_

_**"Oh please, no, just no. You're making this even worse."**_ You said blushing even more, and combing your hair with your fingers.

_**"Why?"**_ Darren asked frowning and he helped you to comb your hair with his own fingers. _**"Your natural look is my favorite one, especially the one you have when you just wake up. No makeup, a really messy hair, your sleepy eyes and particularly your teddy bears print pajamas. Just like now, except you aren't wearing your teddy bears print pajamas and your makeup from last night is run."**_ He winked and giggled softly.

_**"I hate you right now."**_ You said, cleaning your running eye makeup with your fingers.

_**"Oh, come on."**_ Darren said grabbing your hands to put them away from your face. _**"You look good, no need to get nervous."**_

_**"Yeah, surely I look fantastic to go to a super important event. I'd totally rock and I'd look like a princess like this."**_ You said sarcastically, trying to clean your eye running makeup again and Darren laughed again.

_**"I'm sure of that. Who said that princesses are perfect all the time? That's bullshit!"**_ Darren said smiling amused, putting your hands away from your face again and this time grabbing them to prevent you to do it again. _**"Anyway, you're in front of me, not in front of a stranger. You have no idea all the times I saw you with your running makeup and I never said a word of it. I just like to see you like that, I don't know...weird."**_

_**"Oh my God! Why did you do that? Darren, there's something you have to learn about women. We definitely don't like when our makeup is run! It's embarrassing, nasty and ungraceful!"**_ You said frowning and surprised by his confession. _**"I surely looked like a bad-looking and calamitous woman!"**_ You said worried and Darren laughed out loud.

_**"You're so exaggerated! Haven't I told you so before? I love the way you tend to overstate everything. Everything is a big deal and terrible! There's black or white, not gray in the things you say." **_Darren said gesturing with his arms, still giggling; and you frowned, grumbling and pouting. _**"Oh my wizard God, you're cute like that."**_

_**"Stop making fun of me!"**_ You said still frowning and pouting, nudging him playfully and a bit amused this time.

_**"What if I don't want, miss pouting?"**_ Darren said challenging amused and raising an eyebrow.

_**"Then the miss pouting is gonna kick your ass or worse yet..."**_ You said raising an eyebrow with a mysterious look.

_**"Or what?"**_ Darren said getting closer and looking you deep into your eyes, more challenging.

_**"I don't know if you remember the time Sami and I beat you with the tickle thing." **_

_**"You wouldn't dare."**_ Darren shrugged, laid-back.

_**"Prove me."**_ You said defiant, raising an eyebrow and completely amused.

_**"I challenge you."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes, with his face very close to yours. Gosh, what the hell was happening? You were very close to each other and you were actually having a good time, you almost forgot why Darren was there. But you needed to take advantage of this situation.

_**"You asked for it, Mr. Criss."**_ You said amused and then, without thinking and surprised of yourself for being so outgoing, you started tickling him.

Darren started squirming on the couch and kicking the air, unable to control his laughter and trying to stop you with his arms. You've forgotten how sensitive he was with the tickles and how much you missed hearing his contagious and amazing laughter. You didn't know how you both ended that way after the tense situation you were experiencing before, but you were enjoying it. If only things were so good like this all the time. You didn't know how you got in top of him, tickling him and he laughing out loud trying to stop you; you didn't know where you took the courage to do that. You, the shy and insecure girl. Finally Darren reached your hands and he pulled you closer to him, grabbing your hands strongly to prevent you from tickling him again, still laughing. He was looking at you deep into your eyes with his big hazel eyes, really amused.

_**"You're such a wicked woman! I'm gonna start to call you Lucifer, seems like an angel but is actually an evil devil."**_ Darren said still giggling and looking really like himself, something you haven't seen in a while. _**"I can't believe you did it!"**_

_**"Well, you challenged me, Mr. Criss. I'm a girl of my word."**_ You said playfully and smiling.

_**"Now I'll think twice before challenging you. Imagine if someday I dare you to stab me. i really don't want to be stabbed so please don't do it."**_ Darren said, widening his eyes and then he smiled at you.

Oh boy, that was a smile you missed seeing. The kind of smile that always worked on making you feel good and loved. Then Darren did something you weren't expecting. He pulled you into a hug, a very tight hug. He was leaning on the couch and you were in top of him, he hugging you very tight, as a resemblance of what you were used to do when you were fine. In that moment you couldn't express what you were feeling, you only let him hug you.

_**"I miss all of this and I can't understand why we end up so screwed like now. Why have we let this happen to us?"**_ Darren whispered in your ear, still hugging you tight. You couldn't see his face but you could hear his sad voice. His heart was beating fast against yours and you trying to contain your nerves. The time to talk was coming finally.

_**"Darren..."**_ You said, trying to sit and to look at his face, but he pulled you again against him firmly.

_**"Please don't stop hugging me. Just for a few minutes."**_ Darren begged, holding you tighter.

You rested your head on his chest and wrapped your arms around his neck, while he wrapped an arm around your waist and with his free hand he started caressing your hair. After a few minutes, Darren moved his face and he lifted up your chin to make you look at him; he was still laying down on the couch with you on top of him and he did nothing to change this position; neither you did something about it.

_**"What you told me last night made me realize I was making a huge mistake to let you go. I only needed to hear that to be sure I don't want you away from me. The way you were talking, really hopeless and honest, seeing you giving up because you were tired... I knew that I lost you and it got me crazy."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes, with a hint of desperation. _**"But you were right. Probably I won't be able to forgive you; probably I'll hold a grudge all my life."**_

_**"That's why I said what I said. Maybe the best for the two of us will be if we end this right here. This way probably things between us won't end so badly. I don't want you to hate me; neither do I want to hate you. Not after all we shared, all we had together, all you meant in my life. We can end this in a friendly way, even though it kills me inside now. But is not gonna be the end of everything. We're gonna learn to be away from each other. You surely will find a girl who's gonna love you and you're gonna love, maybe more than you love me. Probably I'm gonna find a man to love, probably not. But we can choose now to end this now so in a future we're gonna remember what we had with a smile and not with anger or hate. Because what we had was really good and I won't forget it; but all things in life, like a play, have a beginning, middle and an end. It's up to us if we want a happy ending or not. It seems hard now, but maybe in days, months or years it won't."**_ You said heartbreaking, but it was the best for the two of you. You really didn't want to end your relationship with Darren in a bad way. Darren was looking at you with teary eyes.

_**"It scares me the way you're talking. It scares me to think about it." **_Darren said looking fixedly at you.

_**"It scares me too. Believe me when I say is really hard for me to say all of this, to picture my life without you. But think that maybe this is the right thing to do. We can't predict what is gonna happen. We actually don't have a damn idea if this is the best, but it seems it is now. Darren... you told me it, we lost the main thing in a relationship, the trusting. You even wrote a song for me about deception, betrayal and lies! This is not gonna work if we don't trust each other. We can choose be friends and not to throw it all to hell."**_ You said trying hard not to be weak and make a mistake. This was really hard and it was breaking your heart. Darren finally sat cross legged on the couch but he grabbed your hands.

_**"I can't be friends with you. And please don't misunderstand me, it's not like I don't want to keep in touch with you. I can't be friends with you because I don't love in the way someone is supposed to love a friend. You're my best friend, but you're more than that, I love you in the way when someone is in love. Don't tell me I'm gonna find a girl to love and be loved, probably I'll find that girl in the future if this is over because you want it. But I won't love that girl more than I love you, that won't happen. And I want you to be that girl. You said that things in life are like a play with a beginning, middle and an end; but you forgot to mention the kind of plays that have an open ending. Maybe that's what we can have. I also want in a future to remember what we had with a smile, but I want you by my side when I remember it, I want to remember it with you. I want to have a lot of grandchildren to tell them our story, to tell them that we had a lot of bad moments but we didn't let those bad moments winning all the good things we have; I want to tell them so with you."**_ Darren said looking at you with teary eyes, grabbing your hands and placing them on his chest. You couldn't hold your tears at his words. _**"I wrote you a song, yeah it was for you. But I wrote it the day I figured out I never knew your real name. I was angry, I was upset, and I didn't want to see you. And yeah, I wanted you to listen to it and I wanted to let you know how you made me feel. But why do you think I said I had to work on the song? Because that song says only the bad things we had been through, but it doesn't say all the good things that are stronger than the bad things. I'm sorry for that, I admit I was selfish, I noticed it when I saw your face while I sang it, and your face broke my heart. Because dammit! I was making you feel miserable and I didn't want it. I'm a fool."**_

_**"You're not..."**_ You barely could say with choked voice.

_**"Yes, I am. That day you came to my hotel room...the way you left...I didn't believe a shit that you were going to have a dinner with April. I knew you wanted to leave because of my fault and I felt so fucked up that I was too coward to text you, to call you again. And I wasn't expecting you last night, but you went there anyway. When I saw you there... crap I wanted to hug you, I wanted to kiss you and say to you how happy I was to see you there, in that night that was important to me. Like in other time my family and friends were the reason I did my best on the stage like once I told you in a letter; this time I tried to do my best for you, because before starting the play I knew you were there, I performed for you. I wanted you to feel proud of me and not disappointed of me, because I know I made you feel disappointed of me several times. And I saw you with that good-looking guy and all Mia said, I couldn't help to feel jealous. I said things I shouldn't have said. But try to understand me, I thought you were being happy with that guy and just thinking of the fact I lost you and you found that guy, killed me. Then you said this won't work again, but what if yes? What if it can work again? Well, I want it to work again, but only if you want the same.**_" Darren said with hope i his eyes, still holding your hands.

_**"Please Darren don't make this harder than it already is. You know it won't work, you know it!"**_ You said with tears in your eyes.

_**"Why do you give up? It's hopeless to see you giving up!"**_ Darren exclaimed desperate.

_**"Because we fucked everything up, Darren! Because you can't trust on me anymore no matter what I have to tell you. Because you can say you trust on me, but you know you don't and you won't." **_You said letting him know why you were so hopeless.

_**"Then make me trust on you again!"**_ Darren almost yelled with choked voice because of his desperation, wide-eyed.

_**"I can't because I don't know how."**_ You said looking down, shedding some tears. Darren remained silent, he bit his lips and he also started to shed some tears. You saw him crying only a few times, he almost never cried and it was really heartbreaking seeing him like that. _**"I'm sorry."**_

_**"I want you to answer me something with complete honestly." **_Darren said still looking down but then he looked up at you to see you nodding. _**"Do you still love me?"**_

_**"Yes, I do."**_ You answered with difficulty, as if was an answer that would change your life.

_**"How much?"**_

_**"Darren I don't see your..." **_

_**"Please."**_ Darren interrupted you. _**"Just answer it frankly."**_

_**"As much as someone would love the person who changed her life for good although everything seemed lost."**_ You said frowning to try to stop the tears falling down your face.

_**"If I tell you to hold my hand and to try to figure out together the way to trust each other again, doing whatever it takes to get it... Would you do it?"**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes and extending you his hand.

You looked at his hand hesitant. You knew that what you decide to do now would change everything. You wanted to hold his hand, but you knew if you did it maybe things between you both weren't going to work and things were going to end worse than already were. But you also knew that if you didn't do it, you were going to regret, you were going to lose Darren and this tie forever because it was the final decision. Darren didn't press you to make this decision quickly, he was waiting for your decision patiently and you could notice he was nervous. You slowly grabbed his hand, you couldn't leave him; maybe you needed to take that risk. When Darren felt your hand on his, he let out a sob in relief, closing his eyes. But then he looked into your eyes with a hopeful look before hugging you.

_**"Thank you for not giving up on us."**_ Darren whispered with choked voice in your ear. Then he broke the hug to look at you. _**"I want to know the reason why you hid from me your real name. From there we're gonna figure out how to make this work, together."**_

_**"Is a long story and I'm not sure if you're gonna understand me."**_ You said looking down, but Darren lifted up your chin.

_**"We have time and I want to try to understand you. I won't judge you, I only want to understand which are the reasons that led you to make these decisions in your life, I want to know your whole life story. Just be honest, whatever you have to tell me it's not gonna make me love you any less. Don't be afraid because I'm here to help you to move on together."**_ Darren said caressing your cheek to make you feel comfortable. You sighed and took a long breathe before starting tell him all the things you never told him. He deserved to know everything, even though you were going to have to revive the most terrible things that happened to you. It was time.

_**"When you were in the hospital in coma, you heard me. I don't know if you remember me telling you that there were still a lot of things you didn't know about me."**_ You started to say, trying to take the courage to say it all.

_**"I remember it, but I never wanted to force you to tell me those things. Now I'm willing to know it all if you feel good with it."**_ Darren said kindly.

_**"I'm not good with it. Not because I don't want to tell you all of those things but because you don't know the worst things that happened to me. A lot of things that I never told anyone because I never wanted to revive it all and because I never wanted anyone to feel pity for me or I never wanted to bother anyone with my things."**_ You said sobbing, you couldn't avoid the crying.

_**"Listen... I don't want to force you. I know I said I wanted to hear your reason, but if you aren't ready..."**_ Darren said comfortingly.

_**"No, I'm ready. You deserve to know it all. I just don't want to bother..." **_You started to say, but Darren interrupted you.

_**"Never again think that you bother me. It's all the opposite. I won't feel pity for you, I only want to know all about of you, and you can't keep all inside of you because it hurts. You're not alone now; you have me to lean on." **_Darren said, grabbing your hands tightly and looking deep into your eyes reassuringly.

_**"Fine. I... I...oh god."**_ You stuttered, feeling really nervous with a pressure in your chest.

_**"Relax. It's just me."**_ Darren leaned to kiss your lips softly. It was only a short and slight kiss but it meant a lot for you. It gave you the strength to finally say what you were keeping within you your whole life.

_**"You know that my father died when I was eight, but I never told you why he died, the real reason of why his death meant the separation of our family. I was eight and since then I wanted to be an actress. My mother said I was a stupid girl for wanting it, that it was stupid and I didn't have the talent to do so; that I needed to be a lawyer like her. My father, instead, always supported me; he wanted me to be happy with whatever I wanted to do. The differences of opinions about me and my future led my parents to argue almost all the time. My mother always blamed me because of that and I felt she was right, and that made feel my father even madder. He always told her that she was a bad mother, a selfish person that only was thinking about money and not in my happiness; he told her that she was inhibiting my ability to make decisions in the future that lead me to be happy and not materialistic. The situation in my house was hard and tense, my brothers started to blame me all of that, all of them except Jack. One day it was important me. It was going to be my first performance in front of the whole school, something I was practicing for months. That day my parents argued like never before; my mother didn't want me to go there and my father wanted to take me there at all costs. Then he asked my mother the divorce. It was awful; I knew it was my entire fault although my dad was trying to convince me it wasn't like that. He reassured me and he told me I needed to be happy because that night I was going to shine on the stage. Only my father was going to see me performing, only him. And...we were in the car and...and...Oh god."**_ You started to cry inconsolably and Darren pulled you softly to make you sit on his lap. You snuggled into him like a baby, placing your head on his shoulder to sob while he started to caress your hair to reassure you in silence. _**"I never arrived to the show because in the car my father started to tell me that I shouldn't listen to the people who tell me that I can't do what I want, that whatever I wanted to do he was going to support me. He looked away from the road to look at me because I was crying. He didn't see that the car in front of us had stopped. He only had the time to cover me to protect me. Then he...he saved me, but he...because of me...my fault..."**_

_**"Oh holy shit."**_ Darren murmured, kissing you head which was leaning on his shoulder and rubbing your back. _**"Shh, it's okay. It wasn't your fault."**_

"_**It was, I shouldn't have been crying. After it everything changed."**_ You said wiping away your tears. _**"My mother of course blamed me; she told me I was a murderer; that because of my selfishness and my stupidity I provoked my dad's death. She told me a lot of harsh things; she told me I should have been the one who deserved to be dead. I was eight years old and I heard my mom telling me that I needed to be dead, that I wasn't her daughter; that maybe I could be alive but I was dead for her."**_

_**"What kind of mother is that woman?"**_ Darren said completely in a rage. _**"Who the hell is so cold-hearted to say something like that to a girl who's eight? Goodness, your mother. Ugh."**_ He said tensing his jaw.

_**"It's my mother, she's like that. Well, she was like that only with me. She never wanted me; I was an accident, therefore the difference of age with my brothers. She wanted to abort me and my dad refused, that's why she never loved me."**_

_**"She wanted what? Are you fucking kidding me? Does she even have a little love in her heart?"**_ Darren said incredulous and bewildered.

_**"She has. She gave everything to my brothers; she was a really good mother for them."**_

_**"I can't believe it. She's your mother. It's supposed that a mother loves her children equally."**_ Darren said frowning and aghast.

_**"Well, I told you. I was an accident."**_ You said looking down. _**"So those were the things I heard when I was eight. Then we started to grow up, I grew up alone only with help from Jack. My older sister, Susan, was the one who was feeling really miserable. She couldn't accept my dad's death. She was really depressed and once I came back to my house and there was anyone there...and I saw her."**_ You started to sob again, remembering that day. _**"There was a note next to her. She...her lifeless body was hanging on a gallows in her room and the note said that she was going to find dad because I caused their separation."**_ You sobbed covering your face. It was something really awful to remember, you were trying for years to forget that memory from your mind but now it seemed it was yesterday when it happened.

_**"Oh my god."**_ Darren exclaimed horrified and shocked. He held you tightly and you snuggled into him even more. You noticed that his body was trembling and you felt really bad because of telling him this all.

_**"Darren, I don't want to make you feel bad or uncomfortable with all of this." **_

_**"Screw that! I don't matter here. Holy crap! How the hell have you had to live all of this?"**_ Darren exclaimed still shocked. _**"What exactly the note said?"**_

_**"It said...ah."**_ You inhaled and exhaled really starting to panic. You never forgot those words. _**"Life has no sense now dad isn't here. My stupid sister killed him and now I'm alone without him. I'm going to find him and tell him that my sister is gonna pay for his dead. Fortunately I won't see her again because she's going to go straight to hell. She not only destroyed one life, she destroyed the whole family and now I'm gonna be happy with my dad and not in this hell I'm living seeing my sister's face and wanting to kill her. I'm going to greet dad for all of you. That was exactly what the note said. And I found it, I found her."**_

_**"Oh shit. You...the note, you shouldn't. Damn, why?"**_ Darren complained gloomy. Oh no, he was starting to feel pity for you.

_**"Darren, I don't want you to feel pity for me. Please I beg you." **_

_**"I don't feel pity. I just I can't understand why they were so unfair with you. Why they thought it about you. Which head should be thinking that way about your own family? It was an accident, you were only eight. What the hell?"**_ Darren said disconcerted. _**"You didn't deserve being treated that way." Darren **_said looking into your eyes distressingly and then he kissed your forehead.

_**"Apparently I deserved it. After all I was the only one who was with him when he died. And he died to protect me."**_ You looked down frowning and sad. _**"When my mother came back and saw this, she got mad; like really mad. She was out of control and she was blind with anger, she didn't know what she was doing."**_

_**"What did she do?"**_ Darren asked worried and cautiously.

_**"She was blind. She really didn't know what she was doing." **_

_**"God, tell me what she did."**_

_**"She hit me. She hit me really badly. All I remember is she hitting me with her fists and then I woke up alone in my bedroom, the door was closed and I started to yell, but no one heard me. They were gone and they came back a week later." **_

_**"What? What?"**_ Darren seemed really shocked. _**"She hit you? And all that time you were locked in your bedroom? Without anything? No food, no water, no anything?"**_

_**"I was locked in my bedroom without anything. Yeah. But then she came back and she begged me to forgive her that she didn't know what she was doing. And I forgave her; after all she was my mom."**_

_**"You have a golden heart. After all she did. It's insane, it's inhuman."**_

_**"She was my mom, Darren. I needed my mom, despite all her flaws. That was the time she started to be an alcoholic and junkie. Then it happened all you already know. The arguments with her, and Jack protecting me. Then it was when she brought this man to our house and he...he molested me. And it wasn't only that time. He molested me for four months, all Saturday nights and my mother never did anything about it. She always said it was what I deserved, to be suffering for all I did, that I was paying all the murders I caused. Jack wasn't there anymore to protect me and I was too scared to run away. I was scared to be hit by my mother again, I was scared because I didn't have any place to go, because I was scared she would find me if I run away and it'd make things worse." **_Your tears started to fall down your face again and you felt a tear on your shoulder. You looked up to see Darren shedding some tears in silence.

_**"Why haven't you done anything? Four months. Why haven't you filed criminal charges of sexual abuse and domestic abuse? You could have lived in peace and not scared all the time. Why?" **_Darren asked distressingly, caressing your hair softly and still shedding some tears.

_**"Would you have filed criminal charges against your own mother? I couldn't do it. And I was scared because she was a violent person; no one can know what she was going to be able to do if she finds it out. It's not so easy, Darren. It seems easy to file criminal charges, but it's not. I felt scared for my own life." **_

_**"But how the hell?"**_

_**"I don't know, Darren. She wasn't a sane person. Then it comes the part you wanted to know. One day I decided to be strong and not let her to hurt me. I wasn't going to let her and that man to molest me again. It was Saturday night when she arrived with the man. I was ready; I was in my bed with a baseball bat. They entered into my room and when the man lied down in my bed I hit him with the baseball bat. I left him unconscious, then it was my mother's turn, but she was faster. She always had a knife on her pocket. So she did it."**_ You turned around and lifted up your shirt to show Darren a big scar on your back. He looked at it horrified and he slowly ran his fingers on it. It felt weird, no one before did it, and it felt nice; as if he really didn't think it was disgusting, that he really cared about it.

_**"I saw it before, but I thought it was because you once stumbled upon something while doing childish pranks."**_ Darren said horrified but with a soft voice. You placed your shirt in its place again and turned around to look at Darren who had sad eyes.

_**"It wasn't. She almost killed me that day. I had to go to the hospital by myself as I could. I have no idea how I managed to arrive there alive. It was really bad."**_ You said with an empty but dismal look. _**"That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I went to my house when I knew she was working. I took all the necessary stuff to go away from my house and never come back. I had no idea where to go, but I knew I couldn't be there anymore. I started walking with my personal stuff to nowhere. I needed to find a place where to stay, I knew I needed to finish high school and I needed to get a job to maintain myself. But first of all I needed to find a safe place where my mother wouldn't find me because I knew that after all that happened she'd be really angry and after the way she hit me, I didn't know how she would react. Then I found this room to rent in an elderly couple house, I found a job as a waitress in a night bar and with that I got the necessary to pay the rent and finish my studies. My mother didn't find me until a month later; fortunately I was with this elderly couple, walking in the park; so she couldn't do anything to me. I saw her angry eyes and I got scared; now she knew with whom I was staying and she followed me to their house. But I wasn't the same teen girl than before; having had to start to maintain myself, I had to mature to the force. This time I wouldn't allow her to abuse me. We argued and she tried to hit me, but I took the strength to stop her and she was really surprised. The elderly couple watched the situation and they called the police; my mother was a recognized lawyer so there were no charges against her, but they gave me the emancipation. Now I was completely separated of my mother and since that day it was like she wasn't my mother anymore, since that day I realized that I was all by myself and I wouldn't get any kind of help or support from her, it meant our definitely separation. Although I was living by myself and my relationship with my mother was a real shit, it felt really bad to know that I haven't had a mother anymore, I haven't had any family and I was only sixteen. I was really depressed for a long time. Have you ever felt as if you were completely alone? As if you don't have anyone who loves you? No family, no friends, no future? That was the way I was feeling." **_Your look was empty, coolly recalling those events.

_**"You were emancipated at sixteen? You were really young to be by yourself." **_Darren said frowning, with a dreary look_**. "Haven't you had anyone to support you in that moment?"**_

_**"No. I didn't have friends in high school because I was a private person. Everything that happened to me caused me a lot of aftermaths. I couldn't trust anyone and all the time I was thinking that someone would hurt me, I couldn't relate socially with others. I didn't have any family, not even grandparents, no aunts, and no uncles. Nothing. But I could keep moving, I had the hope my future could change; but for that I needed to change my life, I needed to start over again. That was the time when I decided to change everything about me. I started by changing my name legally. I left in the past the person I was to became the person I was a year ago. I started a new life, living in another place, with another name, with another job, with no past. This person was a depressed person, but stronger. At least I thought I was stronger but it didn't last. You know that I was weak, really weak. I told you what I tried to do in my letters to you. The person I'm now, I owe to you. You're the one who taught me how to be myself and how to leave the past behind because there are a lot of good things in life even though everything seems dark. And that's why I never told you my real name, I never told anyone my real name because that's not my name anymore. I'm not that person I was in the past; I don't feel identified with that person. The name you know, my actual name, is for me my real name, not the name my mother gave me the day I was born. And when I said I never lied to you is because of that, because my birth name isn't my name. I know you won't understand it and probably you'd think it's stupid and it makes no sense. But it makes sense for me and I won't force you to understand, I only wanted you to know why I never told you my birth name. I'm sorry; my intention never was to make you feel betrayed. You know my real personality; I never tried to be another kind of person in front of you. But I won't ask you to believe me because I know probably you won't. I only wanted to explain you this."**_ You looked down, shedding some tears. You didn't know if Darren would believe you or not; but you took a huge load off your mind now that Darren knew your real story; now that at least someone knew your real life story. This you were feeling was something new. You were crying of sadness because finally you faced the most terrible things that happened to you, because you remembered all of that; but also you were crying in relief to know that someone listened to you, that someone cared about you to listen intently your whole life story, and that never happened to you before, no one before asked you to tell your real story. And it felt embarrassing at first, but then it was the best that happened to you; now you weren't carrying this by yourself.

"_**I believe you."**_ Darren said, grabbing your hand and placing it in his heart, looking deeply into your eyes. _**"I saw honesty in your eyes in every single word you were saying, and your eyes can't lie. You were really true-hearted and I know it was hard for you telling you all of this, but I can't understand why you kept it by yourself for so long. You shouldn't have been through all of this alone."**_

_**"I never trusted anyone before the way I trust on you."**_ You said this time looking frankly into Darren's eyes. That was the most honest thing you've ever said. _**"I'm sorry for not have told you this before."**_

_**"No, no. I'm the one who should apologize. I was the foolest man who couldn't understand all his girlfriend was going through. It never crossed my mind that you were feeling all that, that what happened to you was really terrible. I was selfish and close minded, I only thought about how I was feeling after I found out you never told me your birth name. But now I understand and I feel like a jerk, like an outrageous boyfriend. I'm so sorry because I couldn't understand you, because I haven't helped you."**_ Darren said with choked voice and teary eyes. He hugged you tightly, burying his head on your shoulder. _**"Please forgive me, I didn't know... You are... Damn! Everything is so unfair. You never should have been through all of this shit. All that happened to you in your past, and the way I treated you. You don't... You should... You deserve to be happy after all the crap you had to live."**_ Darren broke the hug to look into your eyes, now you were crying again. You didn't know what to think, you never expected Darren to apologize because he shouldn't be doing it. Nothing of this was his fault, and he wasn't a terrible boyfriend; he was for you the most wonderful person you've ever met because he was the one who saved you from your depression. _**"Give me a chance to try to make you feel as happy as you deserve to be."**_

"_**Darren, you cannot be serious."**_ You said with choked voice, very touched by his words.

"_**I am."**_ Darren pulled you closer and he held you by your waist, resting his forehead on yours and looking into your eyes. _**"Let me do it. If you want to be with me, of course; I won't force you. Tell me if you want the same."**_

_**"No, Darren..."**_ You said still with choked voice and you stopped talking because you had a lump in the throat; you couldn't believe this was happening. Why was he telling you that?

_**"I screwed this too much, didn't I?"**_ Darren said looking at you with his hazel sad eyes. _**"Just give me once more chance, I swear I can make it right again; I promise to do my best to be happy together again." **_Darren said grabbing your cheeks. _**"Give me a last chance; and if I fail, you're allowed to kick my ass and to tell me to go to hell."**_

_**"Darren, no!" **_

_**"I beg you."**_ Darren begged grabbing your cheeks firmly and touching your nose with his. You were very close and your heart was beating so fast that you thought you could have a heart attack in any moment.

_**"No, wait, Darren."**_ You started to say and Darren opened his mouth to say something but you interrupted him. _**"No, don't interrupt me; let me finish. I won't give you a chance..."**_ You said but then you saw Darren opening his mouth to talk again. _**"Don't say anything. I won't give you a chance because you don't need it. You never needed a last chance with me, because I was never mad at you. You don't need to try to make me happy, because you already did. Gosh, you changed my whole life, Darren. With you I learned how to be happy, just look at you makes me happy. And you don't need to apologize because there's nothing to apologize for. I only want to ask you something and I want you to be truly honest, no matter if the answer hurts me or not."**_

_**"Ask me. I'm gonna be honest."**_ Darren said, still grabbing your cheeks and resting his forehead on yours.

_**"Are you doing this because of pity?"**_ You asked quickly and a little ashamed. _**"Because if you're doing this because of pity, because of my story...I don't want it, I'm fine now and I'm fine thanks to you. But I understand if you don't really want to be with me again, I'd be fine... I learned..."**_

_**"Woah, woah!"**_ Darren exclaimed, interrupting you and grabbing your hands; you only looked down a bit ashamed. _**"I don't feel pity for you, not at all. Yeah, I think life was very unfair with you and you had to live terrible moments. But I don't feel pity for you, because I'd feel pity if I'd be seeing now in front of me a girl who's deeply down, and you aren't. You kept going; you overcame all your traumas to be the cheerful girl you are now. Maybe you haven't overcome all of them, but now I'm with you to help you. What I feel for you is something very different than pity, I feel proud of you; you astound me. I'd never be with you because of pity. I want to be with you because I love you, I don't know what you did to me but every time I see you I have this need to hold you in my arms and just..."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes and shrugging. _**"Be with you."**_

_**"Can I ask you something else?" **_

_**"You just did."**_ Darren joked and laughed softly and you nudged him playfully. _**"Ask again."**_

_**"Now I don't wanna ask you anything. Screw you."**_ You said jokingly, crossing your arms and faking a pout.

"_**Have I said I love when you do that?"**_ Darren said looking straight your mouth with an amused smile.

He pulled you closer and turned you around, so now your back was resting on his chest. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder, still looking at you with an amused smile. You turned your head to look at him frowning and curious, also amused. It was unbelievable how the situation between Darren and you went from being tense and cold, to be like this: nice and funny, natural and enjoyable like before. It was extremely different. But there was something that was worrying you: neither of you dared to kiss each other. It was feeling a little uncomfortable to do so, as if you weren't ready yet to do that. If neither of you could do so, maybe it was because you weren't really sure to be together again, maybe there was something else that couldn't be fixed. Were you doing the right thing? Had been separated and distant for a long time and then, all of a sudden, be good again? Maybe it'll take time to be really good like before, maybe it was a process you had to go through; or maybe it'd never be the same again like before. Maybe you needed to show Darren that thing you never showed anyone before; maybe it was what was missing to be truly good. Darren looked at you with a smile and he softly kissed your cheek. Your cheek.

_**"Come on, ask me."**_ Darren said wrapping his arms tighter around you.

"_**Why have you changed your mind? Why have you decided to come here today and talk to me?"**_ You asked serious and really curious. Darren, suddenly, wiped the smile off his face and got nervous.

"_**Uhm, well…"**_ Darren said, pulling away his chin on your shoulder. _**"I've talked to Joey."**_

"_**To Joey?"**_ You asked frowning. You never expected that Joey was the reason why Darren decided to come here and talk to you.

"_**Yes, please don't misunderstand this."**_ Darren said defensively and you raised your eyebrows because you didn't know why Darren was acting on the defensive. _**"I wanted to talk to you, I did. But I wasn't sure because I don't know man… I was scared; scared to maybe hear something I wasn't expecting and to lose you. Yeah, I heard something unexpected but it wasn't the same I was thinking to hear."**_

"_**What were you thinking?"**_ You asked curious.

"_**It doesn't matter…"**_ Darren said looking away. Was he blushing?

"_**Darren…"**_ You emphasized and Darren sighed, apparently resigned.

"_**Well. Fuck, this is gonna sound totally lame and stupid." **_Darren shifted on the couch uncomfortably. Oh god, he was blushing. Darren Criss blushing, it was epic; it amused you a bit, but you tried to remain serious, maybe he was going actually to tell you something serious. _**"You know how I am in relationships. You know, after Mia..."**_

_**"Yeah, Mia..."**_ You murmured upset just to have thought of her. Darren glanced at you and got even more nervous, wincing in discomfort. That was weird, but you let him continue.

_**"Yes, Mia. Well, all the time we were distant I was trying to find out which were the reason why you lied to me. And I did something I shouldn't have done. I compared you with Mia."**_ Darren said looking down and you frowned. Why the hell has he done it? _**"Don't look at me that way, please."**_

_**"I'm not looking at you in any way."**_ You said shrugging but inside you were really upset. He could have compared you with the person he wanted. But Mia?

_**"Yeah, okay."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow and looking down again. _**"Fine, so i did it and I know I shouldn't have done it. I thought you were lying to me for the same reason she lied to me. Not that I thought you'd been cheating on me with another guy like she did. But I thought you were lying to me because you really didn't love me. I thought that probably you were with me because...Uhm..."**_

_**"Because?"**_ You asked frowning because you couldn't get why Darren was that nervous.

_**"Because of my...Damn it's stupid, it sounds completely absurd..."**_ Darren said frowning, apparently upset with himself. You remained silent, looking at him intently. _**"Because of my popularity."**_

_**"Your what?"**_ You looked at him incredulous. What the fuck? Was he really thinking you were with him because of his popularity? _**"Darren...Do you really think I'm that kind of person?"**_

"_**No, I don't!"**_ Darren exclaimed quickly.

"_**You did. Oh god."**_ You shook your head in disbelief.

"_**Okay yes. I did. But it was because I was blinded, I really wasn't thinking clearly. I made up on my mind absurd things."**_ Darren said defensively. _**"I know you aren't that kind of person. I have no idea why it crossed my mind. I was trying to find any kind of excuse, I was confused. It's stupid, damn."**_

"_**Alright…" **_You said, looking away. You were now tense, because it really made you feel annoyed. You couldn't believe he thought it of you. _**"Now I'm the girl, more like the bitch, who takes advantages of the billionaire and popular man."**_ You said ironically.

_**"No, it's not like that."**_ Darren said firmly. _**"That wasn't the point... Shit, don't be like that! Hey, really I don't think it about you. I only thought it because I was insecure, because I needed to find any kind of excuse which could make me think about something else but not of you. You know, when people are insecure in a relationship; they cling to lame excuses, only to make good with themselves; because actually they can't face the reality. The reality that I knew I was hurting you and I wasn't brave enough to hear that you were tired and disappointed of me." **_

_**"Just... Forget it, Darren."**_

_**"No, I won't leave it there. Not if you don't believe me. I don't want in our relationship more unsolved things that we avoid to talk because we're scared. We need to clear absolutely everything. Then, we're gonna be fine."**_ Darren said this time really firmly and determined; his reaction surprised you, it seemed he wanted to say it since long ago.

_**"Alright. Then what you want? Do you want me to tell you what I think about this with honesty?" **_

_**"Yes, that's what I want."**_ Darren said abruptly, looking at you intently. Now the two of you were being firm, determined and rude.

_**"Fine. What I thought is that there's no way you'd compared me with Mia. Mia, Darren; you know what I think about her. And I honestly I can't understand why you thought I was with you because you're popular and super famous and recognized worldwide. I thought I made you clear what kind of person I am; both in my letters and in the whole time we were together. I can't believe you thought I was using you because of that. I don't care a shit you're famous. Even more, I hate the fact you're famous and believe me when I say there's no jealousy in my words. I hate it because I never can do something normal with you, because our whole relationship is going to be a routine, always doing things in private places, worrying all the time to not to be caught! But hey, you're the famous guy and everything revolves around you. Do you have any idea of how i felt the time we were together, not being able to show up in public? The hot, sexy and talented and famous guy with the lady nobody!"**_ You said it all at once; not thinking, only saying. _**"And do you want to know what I think right now about us? That we're like a merry-go-round, all the time with comings and goings, with ups and downs; never nothing clear, never nothing firm and consistent. We're spinning, going round and round. We're fine, we're bad, we're funny, we're angry, we treat each other in an extraordinary way, we treat each other in a shit way. Look at us now! You came here and we were uncomfortable, then we were fine trying to be understandable and supporting each other, and now we're arguing again! What the hell is that? Why does it always have to be so unpredictable and inconsistent? Damn, look at us! We don't even dare to kiss each other even though we affirm supposedly to love each other. What is this supposed to mean? I'm starting to think that maybe we're together because we're just used at this, because we don't feel so alone this way; because we stayed in the past when everything was perfect and we didn't know each other so much, because it was something unprecedented and peculiar how we met, because it was something new that we were living. But what if that was what we liked about our relationship and not the fact of how we are personally? I can't fucking find a reasonable explanation of why we're like this."**_ You were gasping; apparently your face was red because you said all you were holding inside. Something that you knew you shouldn't have said. You realized it in the right moment you saw Darren's face. Darren was looking at you with wide eyes and raising his eyebrows, completely shocked by your confession. Wow, you crossed the line.

_**"Woah. That was really honest."**_ Darren gasped. You looked into his eyes even though he was looking down; his eyes denoted a hint of sadness. Shit, you were a terrible person. Once again, you said to yourself you needed to learn to think before talking. _**"You told me all you thought; now it's my turn to say all I think. I think that you hate Mia for no reason; actually I have no fucking idea of why you hate her so much because the real fact is that you never told me your reasons. All the time thinking shit of Mia and you don't even know her!"**_

_**"Oh great, now you're defending her."**_ You exclaimed ironically and incredulous.

_**"I haven't interrupted you, you don't interrupt me." **_You looked up to see Darren whose face was completely transfigured. He seemed really mad and his voice sounded harsh. _**"I'm not fucking defending anybody. I'm sure we all are old enough to defend ourselves and our own opinions and thoughts; we don't need a person to talk and act for us, it would be really stupid and immature. I'm not on Mia's side, I'm not on your side, I'm not even on my mom's side; being on the side of someone. What the fuck is that? How old are we? Ten? I do what I think is right and hell yeah, I make a lot of mistakes just for the simple fact of being a human being. But I do what I want to do, not what another person tells me what to do; I assert my own decisions and I won't let anyone drive my life at will and pleasure. I was only saying that you don't know Mia at all so you can't judge her the way you do. You said you hated the unfair prejudices but you're doing it with Mia."**_

_**"Darren!"**_ You exclaimed incredulous and hurt. You couldn't believe Darren was saying it about you. You couldn't believe that Darren forgot what she did to you. Yes, he was right when he said we shouldn't do what people tell us to do; but you couldn't take the fact he told you that you were a judgmental person. _**"I can't… You know what Mia did to me and you're still wondering why I hate her? Really?"**_

"_**Really. She did it once. What if that time she was drunk? What if that time she lost control? What if it was only that time? You never talked to her again, maybe she was regretted, and maybe she wanted to apologize. You can't affirm you know Mia only because you saw her twice and you talked to her once. And hate… You shouldn't hate anyone. To hate someone is the most terrible thing you can do; you've been hated in your past. How did you feel? Terrible, because is an awful thing. Why do you do what people did to you in your past?"**_ Darren said frowning and with a prepotent voice, over his control.

"_**Oh my god. I can't believe you're saying that."**_ You said with choked voice and teary eyes. Not only apparently what Mia did to you seemed a minor thing to Darren, like it didn't care how she made you feel; but he was messing with your past that took you a lot of courage to tell him. He emphasized the fact you were hated, something that hurt you a lot not only in your past but now also. Not only that, but he was saying that you were doing the same that all those people in your past did with you. There was no comparison, and he knew it; or at least you thought he knew it. It really hurt you. _**"You're comparing me with those people. You're taking what I told you, what was a really hard thing to do for me, in a derogatory way. Don't mess with it, Darren. Don't mess with all the things I had to live and don't you dare to compare me with them; because you have no idea..."**_ You broke into tears, because it was a very delicate topic to talk about. And Darren did nothing. _**"About Mia. You gave me your point of view, you told me that you assert your own decisions and points of view; well then, I can do the same. I don't think the same than you think. What's wrong with that? I won't like a person who hurt me, who treat me like shit and who told me horrible things. And look at yourself, the way you've been with Matt. Damn! With Matt! My best friend; my best gay friend. He never even treated you the way Mia treated me, yet you treated him in a really inappropriate way. You did it and you're claiming me for thinking what I think about Mia?"**_

"_**Whatever. Maybe you should talk to her, she wants to apologize; she told me she was regretted for what she did to you that night. Maybe you should stop being so closed minded about Mia. Despite all that happened between her and me, she's my friend and I wouldn't like to know that you hate one of my friends."**_ Darren said coldly.

"_**Well then, guess what? I wouldn't like to know that you hate my friends as well. So then why don't you apologize to Matt, to Nick? Why don't you apologize to all of them, who did you nothing?"**_ You said still shedding tears, but now you were annoyed.

_**"And why don't you go with Mia now? So you can talk to her private things about us as surely you've been doing! Go and tell her all of this, she'd be glad!"**_ You said almost yelling.

_**"What the hell are you talking about? That's absurd."**_ Darren said still upset but now uncomfortable.

_**"Yes, Darren it's absurd. Everything is absurd."**_ You said sighing, standing up but Darren grabbed your hand and he pulled you to make you sit again.

_**"Wait."**_ Darren said, softening his voice but still with a hint of annoyance. _**"I haven't finished."**_ You sat and crossed your arms to listen to him, but looking away. _**"I told you i didn't mean it. I told you that I don't think that about you; you know, you being with me because...that stupid thing. You totally misunderstood me. I said it because I was looking for excuses which could help me to not to face with the fact of realizing that being away from you was my fault! And it really made me feel like crap when you said you hated the fact of me being... famous or whatever. Do you think it's easy for me? Do you think I don't feel exactly the same than you, that I'd like to do things like a normal person? Of course I want to do things I can't do; of course I'd love to show up in public places and not to worry about being caught or interrupted. I don't want our relationship to be a routine, because let's face it, routine is dull and humdrum; no one would like to live all the time a routine. But I always tried my best, I tried it; I tried to make you feel as if we were a normal couple. Do you think I haven't heard when you were telling to someone how you were feeling about me and not having the chance to do normal things? You said you weren't sure of being with me because of that. Do you know how I felt? Miserable. Because I thought I wasn't trying the enough, because I wanted to make you feel happy with me but I was making you feel insecure and sad. Then I decided to take the risk and start doing things in public. After all, fuck everything! You were my girlfriend and I was proud to call you my girlfriend. If I never introduced you in public it wasn't because I didn't want they to know who you were; it was for you, because I didn't want you to have the life I have, I didn't want you to lose your privacy, i didn't want you to be bothered every time you needed to go to some random store to buy gums or whatever. So I took the risk and I took you to that quirky bar, I took you to the cinema, to ice-skating. I wanted to do those things with you, and I had really good times with you; I don't regret to have done it. So it hurts me to hear what you said, because I tried my best. Because I thought you understood me, that you were fine with it. And I can't change it; you knew which were our limitations and the things we were going to have to experience if we were together; you knew who I was before starting our relationship as lovers. I thought finally I found a person that wasn't only marvelous personally, but a person who could deal with this dilemma."**_ Darren said frowning and gulping, looking down. _**"And to let you know... I don't consider myself as the hot, sexy and talented and famous guy and you like the lady nobody as you said. You're so wrong when you call yourself as a nobody; I thought you had more self-respect. You may not be famous, it doesn't mean you're nobody; I could be famous, it doesn't mean it makes me fabulous and important, and you know it."**_ Darren said resolute and then he looked up to you. You were still looking away with your arms crossed, but now you weren't so annoyed, now you were feeling like a selfish person who couldn't understand Darren as you thought you did. _**"And about us now. There's something you need to understand. Every single couple in world has arguments, ups and downs, and comings and goings; it'd be a farce if everything was perfect. It's normal, and arguments like this we're gonna have for the rest of our lives, with me or whomever you decide to be with. That is what makes the relationship stronger, when you have arguments but we find the way to solve them. Yeah it's hard, awful and hideous; but you cannot deny that when we overcome those situations, we feel more connected and great. And yes, sometimes I can't understand why we're like this; and there are moments I feel tired and I want to throw it all to hell, moments I feel hopeless or distressed, moments when I want to be away from you because I get mad; but also there are moments I feel completely happy to have you with me because you're the one I love and I know everything would be fine if I'm with you, moments when I want nothing but to be with you, moments when I say...Damn! This is the time of my life; I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. And the goods moments outweigh the bad moments for me. That's why I don't want to walk away from you."**_ Darren said and finally your eyes met his. His hazel eyes were shinning; you didn't know it was because of happiness, if it was because it reflected honesty or if it was because he had teary eyes; but his eyes looked beautiful like that. You couldn't utter a word. _**"You said you were starting to think we're together because we're used at it. It's not like that for me. Yeah, I love the weird way we met, it was one of the craziest things that happened in my life and I love it. But I love even more how you are personally, I love the way you are and that's what makes me happy. It makes me happy all your perfection and your personal shortcomings. Yes, I'm used to be with you; but... Have you wondered why we are used to be with each other? I know that answer; I'd never get used at you if I never loved you; and the accurate answer would be that I love you and I got used to love you, not to be with you with any feelings involved. And you said you cannot find an explanation why we're like this. Well, not all the things have an explanation. Maybe we're like this because we're different, because we had different ways to live our lives, because we don't think the same about everything, because you like the damn disgusting flax seed crackers and I totally hate them, because for me sushi is fucking delicious and for you is gross, because I love Transformers and you love The Notebook, because the first thing I love to do in the morning is to drink a huge cup of coffee and sing and you to start cleaning the room, oh damn I hate when you do that, but I love it at the same time! Because I'm a totally fool painting and you're so good, because you totally suck at ice-skating and thanks to you I ended up all bruised when I tried to teach you but I loved doing it. And I think that things that differentiate us make us learn more about each other. Imagine if we liked the same things! It'd be creepy and totally boring! I think we only need to take those differences as a way to learn new things and not to let them to be a reason to argue. Or maybe this isn't the real explanation; maybe it has no explanation."**_ Darren said shrugging, still looking into your eyes with a half-smile and you smiled back at him because it cheered you up a bit. Maybe he was right, maybe you overreacted. _**"Love is like that, weird. And I'm sure I want to have a weird and quirky thing with you. I want to have with you a weird relationship, a weird house, weird children, and weird everything. But I can't do it if you think that those weird things are something negative, if you don't want to have this weird relationship because you want someone better, someone who can be with you all the time, someone with whom you can do normal things as any other couple would do, someone who isn't like me. I know I can't be with you all the time and there are gonna be times when I'd have to be away for work, but there's something you'll never miss, and that's my love for you. I'm sure of what's what I want, now you are the one who needs to be sure if this weird relationship we're gonna have is what you want. I can change things; I can stop throwing my clothes on the floor when I take it off, that I know it annoys you, if you ask me to do so to improve our relationship; but I can't change my lack of time and I can't change the fact that we're gonna be interrupted our private time if we go to a public place to walk or whatever as much as I'd like it. This isn't easy for either of the two, so you really need to be sure. As for me, what I want is to spend my life with you, maybe this is gonna change in the future or maybe not; but this is what I want now. Now the decision to be together is subject to what you want. I won't force you to do anything you don't want. And if I haven't kissed you yet, is because I respect you and whatever your decision is gonna be."**_

This was the most intense conversation you've ever had. Darren and his words made you feel a lot of emotions: anger, sadness, disappointment, cuteness, cheerfulness, and love. He said awful things but he also said lovely things. You didn't know what to do; your head was spinning, your heart was beating fast, your throat had a lump, your eyes were full of tears, and your entire body was trembling. What the hell to do? You were really insecure and you needed to be secure; you didn't know if you were going to be able to handle that kind of life but at the same time you wanted to be with him. You were scared. Then you asked to yourself the question that helped you to make a decision: Would you be able to take the risk of changing your life for Darren, the guy who you truly loved? Yes, you would. He changed your life before and it was for good; Darren got you up from an all-time low, he was the only one who could make it; how the hell this new change in your life could be bad? You always pictured your life with Darren in your future. Why it would be so hard to decide? You knew which your answer was, but you were scared and that was what kept you from saying it out loud. This was up to you.

_**"Would you stop leaving the bathroom wet when finished bathing?"**_ You asked almost in a whisper in a very soft voice, looking into his eyes. Darren raised his eyebrows in surprise when he heard the sound of your voice and then he giggled slightly; it seemed a giggle of relief.

_**"I would."**_ Darren said smiling fondly at you, grabbing your hands.

_**"Would you be willing to learn to cook and stop ordering food?"**_

_**"Dammit, that's so fucking hard. But I would if you want so." **_Darren said softly, resting his forehead on yours.

_**"Would you promise to love me even though we're gonna be away several times because of your work?"**_ You asked shyly and closing your eyes.

_**"Look at me."**_ Darren asked kindly and you opened your eyes to find Darren's shinning eyes looking at yours. _**"Always."**_

Darren leaned to kiss your lips softly, still grabbing your hands and placing them on his chest. That was the kiss you were hoping to feel again; the kind of kiss that sealed the love you felt for each other. It was the most perfect and sweet kiss in a distressing and hard situation. That kiss was what missed you to be sure of the decision you made to be with Darren notwithstanding all the limitations and inconvenient you were going to have in your relationship. You softly broke the kiss, but both of you remained forehead to forehead.

_**"Would you forgive me for being such a scared, insecure and jerk girl?"**_ You asked in front of his lips with choked voice and teary eyes.

"_**Then you'd have to forgive me for the same thing."**_ Darren whispered and then he pecked your lips. _**"I'm sorry if I lost my control, if I was rude to you. But we really needed to say to each other all the things we were keeping inside for so long. Now this is gonna work because we were extremely honest."**_

"_**I guess so. We needed this." **_

"_**Right."**_ Darren smiled in front of your lips. _**"I love you, I always did."**_

"_**I love you too, and I always did."**_ You smiled back at him and you kissed him, this time deeper. _**"Darren?"**_

"_**Mhm?"**_ Darren mumbled with closed eyes while he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"_**I want to show you something really important to me. Something I never showed to anyone, but I want to give you everything about me." **_

"_**What?"**_ Darren asked opening his eyes and looking at you curiously.

"_**Come with me."**_ You said standing up and grabbing his hand. Darren smiled at you when the two of you started to walk holding hands as you were used to do when you were fine.

You led Darren to your bedroom and then you let out his hand to walk to your wardrobe, looking for something there. Darren didn't say anything but he sat in your bed; all the time looking at you and your movements apparently really amused.

_**"What are we supposed to be doing here?"**_ Darren finally asked from your bed while you were stirring the clothes that were in the wardrobe.

_**"I'm just looking for something."**_ You yelled because by this moment you were almost burying your head inside the wardrobe. _**"Shit! It isn't here."**_ You said grumpy, crossing your arms and frowning, trying to remember where the hell the thing you were looking for was.

Ostensibly this was funny for Darren because he laughed out loud from your bed. You turned around to look at Darren even grumpier, this wasn't funny. You needed to find that something, it was very important to you.

_**"Hey you! Don't look at me that way!"**_ Darren exclaimed with an amused smile on his face.

_**"This isn't funny."**_ You grumbled and pouted, huffily. At that time, Darren stood up and walked toward you, still with that amused smile. He stood in front of you and placed his hands on your waist, pulling you softly towards him.

_**"We can always change the plans."**_ Darren said naughtily, winking at you seductively.

_**"Get out of here!"**_ You softly nudged him, still frowning. _**"Damn, I can't believe I lost it!"**_ You exclaimed worried.

_**"Is it so very important?"**_ Darren asked frowning when he noticed your concern.

_**"It is. Well, at least it is for me."**_ You said perturbed, this time getting taciturn.

_**"I could help you to find it, then. But you have to tell me how it looks like, because I have no idea if I should find a pink elephant, a dysfunctional computer or a sexy bra." **_Darren said winking with a seductive smile and you just looked at him serious. _**"I'm just kidding! What are we supposed to look for?"**_

_**"It's a box. Like a big box, it's blue and it looks more like an old chest. But I was sure it was here. I don't know why the hell that shit isn't here."**_ You huffed, grouchy and Darren chuckled softly.

_**"It's totally awesome to hear you cursing. Like I'm a bad influence on you."**_ Darren said amused. _**"Maybe it could be under the bed or in that other wardrobe."**_ Darren said pointing the wardrobe next to this one.

_**"No, no. Under the bed is impossible because I'm sure I put it on the wardrobe. And I'm sure it was this one, it wouldn't fit in that wardrobe."**_ You said, concerned again and trying to remember again.

_**"Well, when was the last time you saw it? Maybe you forgot it when you moved here with Sami."**_

_**"No, I didn't forget it. I packed it... Oh damn shit! I couldn't have forgotten it in the moving van!"**_ You exclaimed hysterical, placing a hand on your forehead.

_**"Hey, chill out."**_ Darren said reassuringly, grabbing your hands and looking into your eyes. _**"You haven't yet looked up there." **_Darren said pointing to the top of the wardrobe. You looked up and you begged it was there. _**"It seems you'd need some extra help to take a look there."**_ Darren said with a slight smile, looking at you from head to toe.

_**"You asshole! As if you were a giant."**_ You nudged him playfully and Darren burst out laughing.

_**"I'm taller than you. Ha!"**_ Darren exclaimed, raising an eyebrow amused and then he kneeled. _**"Come on, sit on my shoulders; I'm gonna lift you so you can take a look."**_

_**"But...no, I couldn't have left it there. I mean, look at me. I never could've put it there by myself."**_ You said doubtful.

_**"C'mon! You have nothing to lose. I'm sure I'm strong enough to have you on my shoulders."**_ Darren insisted, still kneeling.

_**"Fine, if I break your bones, don't blame me. It was your idea."**_ You said, sitting on Darren's shoulders and placing your hands on his head for balance.

_**"Well, I'd win. You'd have to take care of the poor guy who has all his bones broken."**_ Darren joked and then he stood. At the time he stood you almost fall off and because of your desperation, you yanked his hair and Darren wailed in pain; but he grabbed your legs tighter_**. "Holy crap! The fact that you leave me bald wasn't part of the deal. I like my hair."**_

_**"I'm so sorry!"**_ You exclaimed apologetic, really nervous still scared of falling. Your body was trembling of frighten.

_**"It's okay! Now you have some of my curls as a souvenir."**_ Darren joked and he walked closer to the wardrobe. _**"Chill out! I won't let you fall. Just take a look there!"**_

You tried to relax and then you took a look there. There it was the big blue chest. A feeling of relief ran through your entire body when you saw that the old chest was still there and you haven't lost it. Still scared of falling, you extended your arms to reach it.

_**"Here it is!"**_ You exclaimed happily and grabbed the trunk, pulling it to you.

You've forgotten how heavy it was. When you finally had it in your hands, you lost the balance because of its weight, what caused Darren to lose his balance as well. Darren tottered and he tried to remain standing, but he failed. You let out the chest just in time when Darren fell on top of you because you were on his shoulders. You felt how your head hit hard the floor. Although Darren was tiny, he weighed more than you; so it was very painful. Darren quickly kneeled next to you, grabbing your head and looking at you concerned while you were shedding some tears of pain.

_**"Oh damn. Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I lost my balance. Did I hurt you?"**_ Darren asked altered, holding you in his arms.

_**"I'm fine, I'm fine." **_You answered with shrill voice, wincing in pain and trying to sit on the floor.

_**"You don't look okay. Dammit, I hurt you!"**_ Darren exclaimed perturbed, helping you to sit, and still holding you in his arms.

_**"No, I'm fine. It was nothing."**_ You said shaking your head and finally you sat.

_**"No, I..."**_

_**"Darren."**_ You said firmly, placing your hands on his cheek and looking at him into his eyes. _**"I'm fine. We need to practice more the piggyback ride and that's it."**_ You assured reassuringly.

_**"Yeah."**_ Darren gasped, still nervous but more relieved. _**"Tomorrow I'm gonna take you to the park to practice the piggyback ride."**_

_**"Deal."**_ You giggled and so did Darren. Then Darren stood up and he gave you his hand to help you to stand up. _**"Now I don't wanna show you a damn shit of that crap."**_

_**"C'mon! Show me!"**_ Darren said more excited, walking towards the blue chest and sitting on the floor cross-legged. _**"What's on this? Is this a pirate treasure? Are we gonna find gold and relics with allegedly curses?"**_ He asked curious and jokingly and you sat next to him also cross-legged with a slight smile.

_**"Exactly! If you look inside, you probably would end under the curse of the Black Pearl pirate." **_You joked and giggled along with Darren. _**"Well, it's something like that. You came here to get some answers about how my real past was. Inside the chest you're gonna find everything."**_

_**"What? No, hey... You don't have to if you don't want. I believed you, I don't need to..."**_ Darren started to say a bit nervous and you grabbed his hands.

_**"No, I want you to see it. I should've showed you this long ago, but... well, I guess... I wasn't so sure to share all about me. But now I am, and I want to share this with you."**_ You said smiling at him.

_**"Really? Are you wholly sure?"**_ Darren asked looking into your eyes and you nodded. _**"Okay."**_ He smiled fondly at you before opening the chest.

You haven't seen inside the chest since so long ago. A feeling of yearning and melancholy pervaded your body. You were seeing a lot of pictures of your childhood, when you were happy; various pictures in different places. There was also a lot of little letters that your dad was used to write to you, birthday cards, some of your longed toys, some stuff that belonged to your dad, clothes when you were really little, among other things. Darren started to grab some things carefully, looking at all of them with a smile on his face. He started grabbing some of your toys and he played with them, making some jokes. Then he grabbed a pair of little colorful socks and he looked at you with sweetness, showing you them.

_**"This is so fucking cute! Look! It fits on my finger!"**_ Darren laughed, putting your little sock on his finger. _**"Hi, I'm mister socky and I'm really colorful and cheerful!"**_ Darren faked a squeaky voice, moving his finger and you laughed because of his silliness. _**"Does it belong to you?"**_

_**"Yeah, my first pair of socks. It's stupid to keep them, but I don't know...I like them."**_ You said, looking at your socks with a smile of remembrance.

_**"It's not stupid. I still have my first pair of shoes. You gotta see them one day, are totally awesome; I think that those could still fit on my feet."**_ Darren said giggling and he left your socks on the chest carefully. Then he grabbed a small pink long skirted ballet dress, and he looked at it frowning and amused. _**"Not fucking kidding! Were you a ballerina?"**_

_**"Oh yeah, I was!"**_ You exclaimed with a huge amused smile. _**"I took ballet classes since I was four until I was eight. One of the best of my class."**_ You winked and laughed amused.

_**"Oh dammit! I need to see you dancing like a ballerina."**_ Darren said with wide eyes and you looked at him amused but didn't say anything. _**"C'mon! Now!"**_

_**"What? No, no fucking way."**_ You said frowning and giggling, but Darren stood up and he made you stand up. _**"No, stop Darren! It has been years since the last time I danced, i forgot all the steps and dance techniques! I wouldn't do it right."**_

_**"I don't care, I'm sure you'd be really good. There are some things you never forget. It's unfortunate that this dress is too small to wear it; but screw it! You really don't need a dress to dance. C'mon, show me how you dance!"**_ Darren exclaimed really excited that produced you cuteness.

_**"Fine, but just a bit!"**_ You said amused and started to flex while Darren sat on the floor again, looking at you fixedly.

_**"Wait, I need popcorns, this is like a movie or something! Maybe i could pretend I'm watching the Black Swan!"**_ Darren joked and you shook your head amused.

_**"Well, just a little bit and remember I don't dance this since I had eight."**_ You warned him.

You started dancing as you remembered but, as you said, it's been a long since the last time you did it so you failed several times. At first you staggered, but then you started to be more self-confident and remembering why you loved so much dancing. It made you feel free and happy, it was like be flying. You forgot everything that was around you and you just focused in the feeling that dancing produced you. Of course you couldn't dance like before and you lost flexibility; but you didn't do it as bad as you thought you would do. When you finished dancing, a big smile was on your face; and then you realized where you were and with whom, what made you blush a little. Darren was looking at you with his lips parted and with an astonished look; and when he realized you finished dancing he started clapping excited.

_**"Holy damn shit! That was totally awesome!"**_ Darren exclaimed astonished, still clapping. _**"You never fail to amaze me. I wouldn't imagine in a million years that you were an excellent dancer."**_

_**"Oh please! It wasn't so good and I'm not an excellent dancer. That was..."**_ You started to say embarrassed and blushing.

_**"Outstanding."**_ Darren said with wide eyes and a big smile on his face. You sat again next to him on the floor, blushing even more.

_**"Stop it, Darren..."**_ You said, placing your hands on your cheeks which were burning.

_**"Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to enroll you in a classical dance school, so you can keep practicing. I'll pay everything, you don't have to worry about anything; but you're gonna do it."**_ Darren said determined and excited.

_**"No, Darren! Not at all, you're not gonna do that. It has been years..."**_ You started to say frowning because you didn't like the idea of him paying you something.

_**"You have a damn awesome talent and you don't have to neglect it!"**_ Darren said stunned.

_**"Darren, no..."**_

_**"Let me do it for you."**_ Darren said looking at you fixedly. _**"When I saw you dancing...you were all like nothing mattered but you and your passion, you were so into the dancing that it was awesome seeing you so happy. You seemed...all relaxed and free. I loved seeing you like that, you need to keep dancing, and you're so very talented. And there's no joke in my words. You loved doing it, didn't you?"**_

_**"Yes, I did. But there's no way you pay..."**_

_**"Forget about the money! Money comes and goes, and I'm able to pay for it. But your talent... it's something that has no price. I wouldn't forgive myself if I don't do this for you." **_

_**"Yeah, but no..."**_

_**"Do it for me. I wanna see you on a stage, dancing the way you just did; sharing your talent with the whole world. I wanna see you on a stage and see you shining."**_ Darren said, dazed and happy and you couldn't avoid giggling.

_**"You make it sound as if I'm gonna be the super dancer."**_ You giggled again.

_**"You're gonna be, I'm sure of it. Why don't you wanna do it? Don't say it's because the money, because I have it and I'd be honored to spend it for something that is invaluable."**_

_**"Well...I'm not sure if I can do it. It's been years and let's face it, I won't be on a stage, Darren. We have to be realistic."**_ You said looking down.

_**"Don't do it. Don't give up on dreams. If you don't have a dream, then you don't have a goal. Sometimes reality sucks; we need those dreams to change reality. Look at me! I never gave up on my dreams, I never thought I could have what I have now but here I am. If that happened to me, why wouldn't it happen to you?"**_ Darren said, grabbing your cheeks and making you to look into his eyes.

_**"Because. Well, it's obvious Darren. You're really talented, damn! You aren't only an actor, you also can sing and play an obscenely amount of instruments; you can speak a lot of languages and you're very charismatic, friendly and charming; not to mention your amazing self-confidence."**_ You exclaimed, now admiring him.

_**"Bullshit. I saw you acting and dancing, you're good at both. Maybe you can't play all the instruments I play, but as I remember, you learned to play the piano very fast; you have this ability to learn really fast because you're very dedicated and you aren't an average person. You're also friendly and charming and you have this thing that automatically you make people like you; you always got them with your smile. Maybe you aren't self-confident, but that's something you have to work on; you have so many talents that should make you feel proud of yourself and not embarrassed. You're so used to see yourself as an unnoticed girl and it's not like that; I don't know if you don't notice that wherever you go, you always get the attention of all the people who are around you because of your charming. Everybody can shine, it's just you're afraid of it. It's time to stop being scared and stand with proud, showing the world that you have something that no one is gonna be able to take away from you, that something that makes you irreplaceable and unique. Start loving yourself and all your good thing; if you don't do it, no one is gonna do it for you. You're beautiful and you have so many things that make you special, show it to the world and feel proud of it; no one is gonna judge you. And if they do, screw them! They're just jealous because they can't have what you have, it's how this works."**_ Darren said looking at you fondly, with a comfortingly smile.

"_**You're right, but not everybody think in the way you do."**_ You said looking down and frowning.

"_**Then screw them! Nobody can take away from you what belongs to you. Don't let them to bring you down. And do it for yourself, don't think about what others think. It's your life and only you can decide what to do with it, they're nobody to tell you what to do or not. Dancing makes you happy? Then dance. Acting makes you happy? Then act. Peeing in the pool makes you happy? Then pee in the pool, but please don't do it when I'm there too."**_ Darren laughed softly and you laughed along with him.

"_**You're right. I need to start doing things for myself. All my life I've been thinking about what others think about me that I forgot to think what I think of myself, what makes me really happy and what I'd like to do without thinking what others expect me to be or to do. I need to be what I want to be and fight for it, never give up although things get hard; then the result is gonna be worthy."**_ You said, thinking out loud.

"_**That's the girl I love, the one you are when you stop thinking about everybody and think about yourself. The mysterious girl once I met through letters. Damn, letters! It's crazy, and that craziness made you happy in the same way it made me happy. All of us need to be crazy sometimes, right? It's time you show the world all your craziness that got me so into you."**_ Darren said smiling brightly and he pecked your lips, caressing then your cheeks. Then he returned his gaze to the chest and he grabbed a picture and looked at it with a nicely smile. _**"Are you this little girl?"**_

_**"Yeah, it's me and my dad. My favorite picture."**_ You said looking at the picture with a cheerful smile. Other times you looked at that picture, your eyes were full of tears and sadness because you wanted to come back to that time. But now it was different. Now you weren't sad, now you were remembering that time as a good memory that you'd never erase. Maybe your dad wasn't with you physically, but he was in your heart and you shouldn't be sad every time you looked at him in an old picture, you should be happy because all the time you shared with him; he'd always be with you as long as you remember him. _**"We were in our backyard, playing that he was a king and I was a princess. I remember we imagined that tree over there was a dragon who wanted to destroy our kingdom. We fought with the dragon and we beat him! My mother wanted to kill us when she saw we ruined her tree." **_You laughed amused, remembering that moment as if it happened yesterday. Darren laughed along with you.

_**"That's a good memory."**_ Darren said looking at you fondly. _**"Do you mind if I keep it?"**_

_**"Why would you want to keep it?"**_ You asked curious and frowning.

_**"I don't know. I just want to keep it, I like this picture and I'm gonna be able to look at your little you. You were so fucking cute, not that you aren't now... But look at your adorable rosy and chubby cheeks! And your freckles! It's totally adorable. Can I pinch your cheeks? I'm tempted now." **_Darren said looking at you and showing all his teeth mischievously.

_**"What?"**_ You looked at him frowning and totally amused. _**"You're so out of your mind...Why the hell would you want..."**_ You didn't finish saying it because Darren started pinching your cheeks. _**"What the hell, Darren?"**_ You laughed out loud.

_**"Sorry, I needed to do it."**_ Darren laughed along with you. _**"Then I took it as a yes, I can keep the picture."**_

_**"Yeah, you can if you want."**_ You said, shaking your head and smiling. Darren put it in his pocket and then he grabbed a paper that was on the chest.

_**"What's this?"**_ Darren said looking at it and frowning, now serious.

_**"That was the most important thing that I wanted to show you."**_ You said looking at the paper as well. _**"These are the papers of my birth, my real name contained therein."**_

_**"No, I don't want to see it. I don't care how your birth name is if you don't feel identified with it. Your real name is the one I know and not this one."**_ Darren said, shaking the papers.

"_**You deserve to know it. I don't mind if you know it."**_ You said looking at Darren fixedly. Of course you were nervous, but you were sure that you wanted to show Darren all about you.

"_**I just don't care. You're not this person; you're the person with the name I knew. That's all I want to know, this is your past that you wanted to forget and I respect it. I don't love the person who has this name, I love the person who has your actual name and that's enough for me. So I'm just gonna put this inside the chest again and enjoy the time with this person who has the name I know." **_Darren said smiling, putting your birth papers on the chest again. This was something you weren't expecting and it made you amaze. Darren understood that your birth name wasn't important to you because you didn't feel comfortable with it, Darren trusted you again and you felt really touched. Suddenly, you hugged him tight and it surprised him. _**"And why's that for? Not that I'm complaining."**_ Darren said smiling and hugging back at you.

"_**Only because I love you."**_ You said and surprisingly you kissed his lips.

"_**I think I could get used at this."**_ Darren whispered in front of your lips, with closed eyes. Then he placed his hands on your cheeks and he kissed you deeper, moaning softly during the kiss. _**"Yeah. Definitely I could get used at this."**_

"_**But maybe not now. Look what time it is. Soon it's gonna be New Year and you surely want to be with your family."**_ You said, smiling sweetly in front of his lips.

"_**They could survive without me." **_Darren said shrugging and smiling. _**"I want to spend it with you."**_

"_**No, really Darren. You should be with them."**_ You said this time serious and Darren looked into your eyes.

"_**It's not negotiable. I'm gonna spend it with you and it's a statement."**_

"_**Darren…"**_

"_**Nothing. I'm staying here."**_ Darren said resolute.

"_**We don't have any food, any drink. We have nothing." **_

"_**We don't need anything. Just you and me, celebrating this New Year to come. Could it be more perfect?"**_ Darren smiled and pecked your lips.

"_**You're so stubborn!"**_ You nudged him playfully.

"_**I am; the biggest pain in the ass you'd ever meet." **_Darren laughed and pecked your lips again. "Change your clothes."

"_**What? Do I look really terrible like this?"**_ You giggled because you knew you were a disaster, but you didn't get why he was telling you so, like a demand.

"_**No, you don't. But you said you didn't like people to see you like this, even though I love when you look natural." **_Darren said mysteriously and shrugging.

"_**What's on your mind?"**_ You asked suspiciously.

_**"We're gonna watch the ball drop at One Times Square. The best thing you can do on New Year's Eve."**_ Darren said smiling brightly and you just frowned.

_**"Darren, do you realize there's gonna be billion people?"**_

_**"I do." **_

_**"Then you surely thought it's not gonna be a good idea."**_

_**"It's the opposite. I think it's a totally awesome idea, who wouldn't like to be there on New Year's Eve?"**_

_**"Darren...there's gonna be billion people who are gonna recognize you and they're gonna see us... Maybe you wouldn't like it so much..." **_You said frowning and very bewildered because he wasn't seeing this point of view.

_**"I know, but you're wrong. I won't like it, I'll love it. You and me on Times Square watching the ball drop on New Year's Eve. Sounds perfect to me. Trust me, we're gonna have so much fun."**_ Darren said excited, still smiling brightly. _**"And about the people... Who cares if they see us together? I wouldn't be ashamed of being there holding hands with you. We need to do crazy things sometimes, remember?"**_ Darren winked at you.

_**"Darren, are you sure? Because...well, you know more than me how the media are."**_ You said frowning completely stunned.

_**"I don't care what the media are gonna say; we know how things actually are and that's what matters."**_ Darren said. He was being completely rebel and spontaneous; damn you loved it. _**"Anyway, what would they say? That I have a love affair with you? Isn't it like that? Let the world know it, I don't care! I'm happy to be with you. What else would they say? That I'm gonna act like a madman? That's how I am, and you know there's nothing more badass than being yourself. Let's see what else they'd say...That I'm in a public place around billion human beings? I'm just a simple random guy with the person I love, having fun and enjoying New Year's Eve as anybody else. It's not such a big deal; I don't see what the problem is."**_

_**"You got me with the badass thing."**_ You said laughing and Darren raised his eyebrows and laughed out loud.

_**"Of course I did. You badass girl!" **_Darren said and he grimaced a badass face.

This was going the very first time you were going to celebrate this New Year's Eve in a happy way with the person you loved. It was a really wild and crazy idea, but you just didn't care. As Darren said, we need to do crazy things sometimes. Those crazy and spontaneous things that make us very happy; because those are the things that we really want to do but we never dare because we are always too worried and busy thinking about what others would say.

* * *

Darren and you were holding hands in the Times Square around billion people. As you thought, a lot of people recognized him and they started to take some pictures. But the weird thing was that no one interrupted you both. Darren seemed extremely happy and he was yelling and cheering in excitement. Not even the people who were taking pictures at Darren, not even the looks directed at the two of you, not even the media mattered. You were two normal human beings celebrating this traditional New Year's Eve on Times Square, this was something that surprised you; and you couldn't be happier. The moment got even more exciting when the countdown started. Darren inserted his hands under your underarms and he tightly clasped your shoulders from behind whilst digging his face into your right shoulder with a bright and huge smile. Finally it was midnight and among all the yelling and cheering; all the confetti, all the fireworks, all the people hugging each other; Darren whispered something in your ear, looking deeply into your eyes.

_**"Would you want to start over again, leaving behind all the bad things we've been through? Would you love me as much as I do? Would you be officially my girlfriend? Here, now, in public and for a lot of years to come?"**_

You looked at Darren deeply into his eyes, very moved. You couldn't believe Darren was telling you this in a public place and just when the new year started. Now you understood what people meant when they said New Year, fresh start. Maybe this New Year that came was going to be better than the last one; maybe this new fresh start would mean all the adversities you had to go through and how you can keep going and making it work despite the storms. And why was he asking you that in a public place? Did he want to make your relationship public? This was a very huge step and maybe a little risky; once he did it, he wouldn't be able to regret. What if soon things weren't going to work? It'd be a disaster. Crazy things. This was one of those crazy things and this was what you really wanted; to be with Darren no matter what people would say about it. You were waiting for this moment to be fine with Darren again for so long and now you couldn't back off because of your fears and insecurity. Casually, isn't love unpredictable? Aren't all the relationships based on risking everything for something you want but you don't know what will happen? You needed to forget what you mind was thinking about this and do that thing that your heart wanted to do. To be with Darren. You looked into his eyes, with teary eyes and a bright smile on your face; Darren was still looking deeply and fondly into your eyes with a twinkle on his eyes.

"_**Yes, I would."**_ You said with choked and emotional voice, still with a bright smile on your face.

"_**I love you so much." **_Darren said happy by your answer. He leaned and placed his hands on your jaw line before kissing deeply your lips.

You continued the kiss really shocked by his action, but really radiant because of this. There you were, Darren and you in the New Year, kissing each other without worrying of other people who were looking at you, without worrying where you were and what they would say about this; without worrying about people taking pictures. And it felt absurdly good. You forgot about your fears, your insecurities, your oscillations; you only focused on your happiness and on the love you felt for Darren. You knew this was a huge step and maybe Darren didn't know what this meant, but none of that mattered now; because he seemed as happy as you were. The kiss lasted several seconds and when you broke the kiss you looked around to see all the people who were now looking at you both with wide eyes and a shocked expression. Some people were muttering comments under wraps whilst looking at the two of you; and some people were taking pictures openly. You knew that Darren now was going to be attacked with several questions about this; that all the media and fans were going to find this out and they would want to get some answers. Suddenly you didn't feel so good, not because of what people were going to think, but because of how Darren was going to have to deal with this.

_**"Darren..."**_ You whispered in his ear, still looking at the people around you who were still gossiping. _**"Do you realize what you did? Now everybody is going to talk about this and you..."**_

"_**I know exactly what I did and I don't regret a damn shit. I'm happy here and now and I don't care a shit what people are going to say. You're my girlfriend and I'm happy for that, Why should I hide it?"**_ Darren said with a huge smile on his face. _**"Happy New Year, boo."**_ Darren smiled in front your lips and he pecked them.

"_**Happy New Year, Dar."**_ You giggled and you hugged him, digging your head on his chest whilst he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your head, also giggling.

"_**Boo… Do you remember that time we were going to have our very first date?"**_ Darren asked, still wrapping his arms around your waist.

"_**Yeah, I remember."**_ You answered frowning and curious because you had no idea why Darren came up with this. It was the time he and Lyla had that terrible accident, a moment very blurred and sad.

_**"Do you remember where Lyla and I went?" **_

_**"Yeah, that jewelry store. I remember I wouldn't forget that moment."**_

_**"Right. And do you remember what I said when I...when we went to Lyla's grave?" **_

_**"Some things, yeah. What's this about?"**_ You asked frowning and curious. You didn't know why Darren started talking about all of that in this moment.

"_**I said that I promised something to Lyla, a promise that involves you, both of us; and I said I was going to fulfill it, but I never did. I let myself being insecure, and that was a huge mistake. But now is a New Year, a fresh start as some people say."**_ Darren said looking at you and you looked at him confused. What was all of this about? You still couldn't get it; it was weird he was talking about this and you had no idea what that promise was about and why it involved you and him.

"_**Yes, the promise. Darren I'm sorry, I'm not getting this."**_ You said feeling very stupid. Then Darren grabbed both of your hands and looked at you into your eyes. Was he trembling?

"_**It's understandable you're not getting this, because I never told you what this promise is about. The reason why we went to the jewelry store is also because of this promise. Before going to that store, Lyla and I had an intense talk about you and I and she went with me to that store to start fulfilling that promise. Before the...accident, before those thieves popped in the store, I managed to hide what I bought."**_ Darren said shrilly. Definitely he was trembling and you couldn't get why he was nervous. You thought that Darren would be sad and gloomy talking about this awful and terrible moment, but it wasn't like this. There was something you didn't know. _**"Today I brought with me what I bought for you that day. I have it right here on my pocket."**_

_**"What? What are you talking about?"**_ You asked really bewildered. _**"Darren, how didn't those thieves know you had...? Why was that jewelry store involved on that promise? What did you talk with Lyla? Darren, I'm so confused. It doesn't make any sense to me; I don't see how all of those situations are connected. I don't think it's a good idea to talk about this here, a lot of people are still looking at us and I don't feel very comfortable."**_

_**"I know. I need to tell you everything. But I want to tell you this here, where you accepted to be officially my girlfriend."**_ Darren said looking at you nervously, still grabbing both of your hands.

_**"Darren, this isn't a good idea. This is something very private and anyone can hear us here. Please, let's go somewhere else and you can tell me this. But not here, not now. If you want to tell me this in a special place for both of us, we can always go to the Gapstow Bridge over The Pond in Central Park**__.__**"**_You said, trying to sound convincing. You didn't want to talk about this private thing in this crowded place. You knew that probably someone would hear and the gossip would be spread.

_**"Okay, I agree. Let's go there."**_ Darren said nodding still nervous and he held your hand, walking away from there and leaving behind all the people who were looking at you and muttering things.

You finally walked away from the Times Square getting the attention of all the people around. Some people tried to stop Darren to get a picture and an autograph, people who glanced suspiciously at you; but Darren said that maybe in other time because now he wanted to enjoy this New Year as anybody else. Some fans got really disappointed and some of them understood him; some fans looked at you in a very scary way and some of them smiled at you. It was extremely weird for you. You arrived to the Gapstow Bridge holding hands, and you looked around. Almost anybody was there and it was reasonably quiet and a little dark. Darren led you to that famous large tree for you and you sat on the ground cross-legged. You stayed in silence for several minutes, still holding hands. It was extremely cold and there was an obscenely amount of snow.

"_**Wait."**_ Darren finally said and he stood up. _**"My ass is gonna freeze soon if we sit here for so long."**_ You laughed softly and you also stood up. Darren took off his jacket and put it on the ground. You tried to do the same with your jacket but he stopped you. _**"No, I'm gonna sit here and you can sit on my lap, so you won't freeze."**_

_**"But Darren, I'm not so skinny; your legs will cramp."**_ You said, looking at him serious.

_**"Bullshit, as if I never had you on my lap."**_ Darren said and he sat on his jacket, pulling you to sit on his lap. _**"Like this we aren't going to freeze"**_ Darren said wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder and nuzzling his nose on your neck. Damn, his nose was very cold and that gave you a shiver. _**"I'm sorry but your neck is so warm!"**_ Darren laughed softly.

_**"It's alright; but please if you do it again, warn me before! That feeling was kind of creepy."**_ You giggled softly.

_**"Will do."**_ Darren nodded and kissed your cheek sweetly. Then you stayed in silence for a few minutes again, just looking around.

_**"Well, now we're here...What was that thing you wanted to tell me? Because I didn't get it, Dar."**_ You finally said and you felt how Darren's heart started to beat faster. Why was he so nervous?

_**"I'm gonna tell you all since the moment I left your apartment that day."**_ Darren said with trembling voice and you started to worry because maybe it wasn't something nice. What if it was something bad you didn't want to hear? That day was a terrible day and you didn't know why Darren wanted to talk about it in that moment and why he wanted to talk about this in a special place. Nothing had sense to you. _**"When i left your apartment I was super wee, because we were going to have our first date and I realized how fucking much I loved you and how much I missed you. When I arrived at Lyla's house she asked me why I had that huge smile on my face and why I was so bright and cheerful unlike the previous days. And that's when we started to talk about you and me. I told her that I was the happiest I could ever be because finally I realized how amazing was to have found you and how in love I was like never before. Like never before, this is important because I never loved anyone more than I love you."**_ Darren emphasized and you didn't know if you should smile or frown because you didn't know why he emphasized it. But you remained silent, listening to Darren intently. _**"I told her that you're the girl I always imagined to have as a girlfriend, and that you were that special person I'd choose to have a family and settle down. But I also told her that I was freaking out because this was a feeling I never felt before and I was super scared to fall so deeply in love and then end up heartbroken. I told her I was frustrated because I love you so fucking much but I was so fucking scared to give you it all. She, of course, told me I was a stupid little boy and she told me that I have a lot of things to learn. I remember she asked me ...How do you expect to learn new things if you don't take any kind of risk, if you don't do any kind of crazy things?...And she was so right, you know? She exemplified me our situation with the situation she lived with Steven, you know, Sami's dad."**_

_**"Yeah, I know who he is. Grant told me his name when we were at the hospital and he told me he was..."**_ You suddenly got nervous; it wasn't appropriate talking about this.

_**"Grant told you so? Of course, Steven was Grant's cousin. Yeah, he unfortunately died."**_ Darren said frowning and looking down, but then he sighed. _**"Anyway, Lyla exemplified me her situation with Steven. She told me that at first she was scared to be with him because Steven was older than her and her parents wouldn't accept him; she loved him with all her heart and he loved her as well. But they always had this problem, the age difference. I know it's not like us, but wait...it's something similar. She wanted to be with Steven and love him, but she was scared to fall so in love with him because she didn't know what was going to happen between them in the future. She was used to think more than do what she really wanted to do, what really made her happy. She was really sad about her whole situation, and she and Steven were apart for so long because they worried too much about what others would say about them and because they didn't want to end up with a broken heart if what they had wasn't going to work. That was the saddest moment in her life, she told me. Then it came a moment when they saw each other again, and when they saw each other all the love they felt for each other appeared again. They decided to take the risk of loving each other and just be happy as they'd be together, leaving behind all their fears, all the thoughts about what others would think, all their insecurities. And it worked, they had Sami and they were the happiest family I've ever seen until Steven died. She was very depressed when Steven died, and she cursed herself for falling so deep in love with him because now she couldn't live without him. But with time she realized she has Sami, the proof of their love; and even though Steven wasn't with her anymore, she was happy because she kept him alive in her heart all these years, because he was the best thing that happened in her life and she has really good memories with him."**_ Darren said with choked voice. This story made you feel so moved because although it wasn't completely like your relationship with Darren; it was very similar, all the fears, the insecurities, the thoughts about what others would think and the biggest fear of end up heartbroken. You remained silent, looking at Darren with teary eyes because of your sensibility. _**"It made me remind our relationship and I started to wonder why we were too scared to take the risk, we didn't have anything to lose and this was what we wanted; I started to wonder that if we didn't dare to take the risk we were going to be worse than ending up heartbroken. She told me I needed to stop being scared and I should start doing what made me happy and that was you. She told me we were going to be fine if we really loved each other and if with time we realized we weren't destined to be together, it was going to be a learning experience. But I shouldn't give up on you and all I felt for you because of fear. And she was so right as always. She told me I looked really happy whenever I was with you and that you seemed a very nice and sweet girl not to mention beautiful. Then she asked me if I truly loved you; and I remember I answered her that I loved you with all my heart. Then it was the time when she made me promise something." **_Darren said, now getting nervous again. He was going to tell you what that promise was about and then you started to feel anxious and nervous as well.

"_**What did she make you promise?"**_ You finally asked curious. You needed to know it now; you never dared to ask Darren what it was about even though you thought every day about what Darren said when you went to Lyla's grave.

"_**She made me promise that I wouldn't give up on us even though things get hard, she made me promise that I was going to love you and never think about what others would think and not let people to bring us down, I promised to try my best to make this work if this was what both of us wanted, I promised to propose you something as a proof that we're going to go through all the difficult things in the relationship together. And there was a last promise, never let my thoughts and fears be bigger than my love for you. She told me only this way I was going to be happy with you, only this way both of us were going to be happy."**_ Darren said, looking sweetly into your eyes and you smiled at him fondly.

"_**That's wonderful."**_ You said kissing softly his jaw line and then you looked up at him again. _**"But I still don't get what it has to do with the jewelry store."**_

"_**Well, it has to be with the promise to propose you something."**_ Darren said and his heart, over again, started to beat fast.

"_**What? What's that thing you were going to propose me?"**_ You asked frowning, nervous and…scared? Darren mentioned promise, propose and jewelry store. You didn't want to imagine anything. No, that thing you were thinking was completely crazy and it wouldn't have any kind of sense. No, you didn't meet so very much that time; well yes, you know each other pretty well, but it was the second day you finally were fine. You needed to stop overthinking and just listen what Darren had to say to you.

"_**Well, I went there with Lyla because she was going to help me to choose this I have in my pocket for you."**_ Darren placed his hand on his pocket and he looked there for a little black box. Oh no, what was that? _**"This."**_ Darren said, opening the little box and showing up a gold ring.

_**"What's that?"**_ You asked suspiciously and freaking out. God, you were really flipping out. Why has Darren had a ring for you? What did it mean? It seemed that your face reflected real horror because Darren was looking at you embarrassed and a bit gloomy now.

_**"This is a..."**_ Darren stuttered even more nervous than before and then he sighed, closing the black box. _**"I'm sorry, it's super cheesy and oh damn. I'm so fucking fool, right?"**_

_**"Hey no!"**_ You said feeling very guilty and you grabbed his cheeks to kiss his lips sweetly. _**"You're not a fool, and if you're cheesy then I'm the cheesy queen. I just wanted to know what it was and why you bought a...ring."**_ Darren smiled at you and he grabbed your legs to spread them to the sides of his lap, pulling you closer to hug you tightly. He opened the black box again and he took the ring, grabbing one of your hands. Now you got nervous again.

_**"This ring was to propose you a kind of proof of our love. Hey, don't worry it's not a wedding ring, it's more like a symbolic ring."**_ Darren said when he saw your horror face again. Not that you didn't want to marry him sometime, but it was very soon for that and that's why you were freaking out. Now you giggled nervously but a bit more relaxed. _**"I wanted to give you this as my promise to love you and fight for our relationship, to go through all the hard moments together, in good and bad times. This was a ring that was going to symbolize that I will never give up on us and it was going to mean that I was leaving behind all my fears to take the risk to be with you and be happy together."**_ Darren said looking at the ring and then he looked up to you with a twinkle on his eyes. How couldn't you have tears of joy on your face? This was one of the sweetest things Darren ever told you. You were very touched and you could do nothing but hugging him tight, shedding those tears of joy.

_**"Dar, that was...the best thing someone ever told me. You have no idea what it means to me...I...Dar..." **_You said with choked voice and Darren broke the hug to look at you with a fondly smile.

_**"I love you too."**_ Darren giggled and so you did. _**"I never show you this before because the ring brought me bad memories, you know, about the accident. And because I let my fear be bigger than my love, and that was my huge mistake. I felt so down and lost without Lyla that I totally forgot about the promise. And well, then we went to a very hard moment and I wasn't sure to give you this. But today, actually yesterday because now is a new year; I took the decision. I wanted to be with you but my stupid fear to end up heartbroken again won me. That's what Joey made me see after you left the after party of my show on Broadway. I needed him to tell me how stupid I was to let you go only because of my proud and shit, if what I wanted the most was to be with you."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow and looking down, but you lifted his chin to make him to look at you.

_**"You're here now and that's what matters, right? It's a new year, a fresh start as you said, isn't it?"**_ You smiled sweetly at him and he smiled back.

_**"Boo... Would you still take this ring as my promise to love each other and never give up on us though everything seems hard and lost?"**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes and grabbing your hand and the ring.

_**"I will."**_ You smiled brightly at him and so he did, pecking your lips before putting the ring on your finger.

_**"I fooled you, it isn't a symbolic ring. Now you're married to me."**_ Darren said serious looking at your finger with the ring and you looked at him frowning. Darren looked up and he tried to remain his serious face but he failed and laughed out loud. _**"Just kidding. But someday, you're gonna marry me. So watch out because I could kidnap you!"**_ Darren laughed and he pecked your lips.

There you were you and Darren being happier than ever and showing all the love you felt for each other. Nothing could be more amazing than that moment. You were so focused on your love that you didn't notice that some people followed you and observed everything in disguise.

* * *

You were with Darren lying on your bed, snuggling very close to each other, trying to warm up because you were freezing after spending more than an hour sitting on the snow.

_**"This is a good way to start the New Year."**_ Darren whispered, nuzzling his nose on your neck and then he rested his chin on your chest to look into your eyes. _**"I'm happy right now, you know?"**_

_**"I'm happy too."**_ You smiled at Darren and leaned to kiss his lips.

Darren moved to line up your lips with his and kiss you deeper, placing one of his hands on your cheeks. He gently got on top of you and you, instinctively and surprisingly for you, opened your legs to wrap them around Darren's hips whilst you wrapped your arms around his neck. It seemed this also surprised Darren, who started to kiss you even deeper and fiercely, placing his free hand on your waist. The kiss lasted several minutes and suddenly you weren't cold anymore, this was feeling really good and gosh, you missed this. But then Darren broke the kiss softly and he looked at you with a wild look and rosy cheeks.

_**"Maybe we should..."**_ Darren painted, still looking at you wildly.

_**"No, don't stop, I missed this." **_

_**"But...if we don't stop, you know..."**_ Darren said, looking at his bulge and then he looked up at you again.

_**"Don't stop, Dar."**_ You said biting your lips softly and Darren focused his gaze in your lips, looking at them with parted lips.

_**"You're so fucking mean."**_ Darren moaned softly, still with his gaze on your lips.

Darren leaned to kiss your lips again, this time wilder. He placed a hand under your shirt and started to rub the part where your ribs were, running slowly his finger in each one of your ribs. You placed on of your hand on his hair and started to run your fingers through his curls; and you placed your free hand in the back of his neck, pulling him closer to you to deepen the kiss. Darren put his body completely on top of you, and you felt how he was half hard when his bulge touched your pelvis. Instinctively, you placed your hands on his back under his shirt and you started to rub it, while you broke the kiss to start licking his neck while Darren was just moaning softly with closed eyes. You continued licking his neck going up until you reached his earlobe and you started to suck it. Darren moaned out loud when you softly nibbled it; and that was the time when Darren turned his face to look at you wildly with his cheeks extremely rosy. He raised his body and tugged your shirt, so you arched your back to let Darren to take your shirt off. When he took it off, he observed your body and then he leaned again to pant in front your lips and bite them softly. You took advantage to kiss him again hurriedly and he started to kiss you in an eager and lustful way. You licked his lips and nibbled them what made Darren thrust his hips against yours letting out a low moan. You started to kiss his neck again and you tugged his shirt; Darren, hurriedly, took his own shirt off dropping it on the floor. Darren leaned again but this time to start sucking your neck. God, those kisses on the neck were the best for you, damn he was an excellent kisser. You started rubbing his hands up and down on his back, going down to start rubbing his back dimples. For some reason it seemed this excited him because now he was completely hard and he thrust his hips against yours even harder. Darren went down to start kissing your bare stomach and lick it slowly, going all the way from under your breast to your lower stomach; you arched your back in excitement and this time you were the one who let out a moan and Darren smiled naughtily at this. Now Darren did the same, but this time he licked slowly your lower stomach going to under your breast; Darren placed his hand under your body and he slowly unhooked your bra, taking it off and throwing it on the floor. He observed your naked body and he exclaimed something you couldn't understand; but before you think about it, Darren leaned to start kissing your bare breasts. Wow, this was something new and it was feeling amazing, you felt how his wet mouth was kissing your breasts and nipples; it was a feeling that made you shiver. At this time you couldn't do anything, you couldn't move and you couldn't kiss him because you were enjoying his kisses the way too much; you were so carried away. You tried to continue rubbing his back, but Darren grabbed your hands and placed them on his waist.

_**"Don't do anything. Leave it in my hands, you just enjoy."**_ Darren moaned in front your lips and you nodded without being able to utter a word. _**"Mhm, you got me in the heat."**_

He kissed your lips eagerly and he ran his fingers slowly from your neck going down for your breasts and stomach to end up on your lower stomach. Then he did something that got you really horny. Darren placed his hand underneath your jeans and panties and started to run his fingers on your groin going down to your vagina. Oh god, what the hell was he doing? This felt really good and you couldn't stop moaning. You instinctively tugged his jeans and Darren broke the wild kiss to look at you with lustful eyes.

_**"Are you sure of this? We can stop right now if you..."**_ Darren started to say with difficulty to talk and panting.

_**"I'm sure, Dar."**_ You answered with your last breathe.

_**"Don't feel pressed if you say no. I can stop right now if you don't feel ready, really."**_ Darren panted looking into your eyes.

_**"No, I want this; if you want this as well." **_

_**"I do."**_ Darren answered and he kissed your lips again but this time softer. _**"I love you."**_ Darren whispered in front your lips before going down to unbutton your jeans.

He kneeled on the bed between your legs and he finished unzipping your jeans. You arched your back so Darren could take off your jeans and throw them on the floor. He unzipped his own jeans but when he was about to take them off, you also kneeled on the bed and placed your hands on the waistband of his jeans and Darren looked at you surprised, but he put his hands away to let you taking them off. Meanwhile he placed his hands on your panties and started to take them off slowly, and you did the same with his boxers. After few seconds, both of you were kneeling on the bed, observing each other's completely naked bodies. You were admiring his very well-toned and naked body from head to toe. Darren was also looking at your whole naked body, dazzled. Then your eyes met and he you remained looking into each other's eyes for a while.

_**"You're so fucking beautiful."**_ Darren exclaimed fascinated.

He pulled you closer to him to kiss your lips fiercely, placing his hands on your waist and leaning both of you on the bed again. It was a weird feeling to feel Darren's naked body against your naked body. Once you were completely leaning on the bed, Darren placed his hand on your inner thigh and he started rubbing it, going to your groin, while kissing your neck. He made all his way kissing your whole naked body from your neck, stopping on your breast to then go down to your lower stomach where he liked it slowly. Then he continued licking your lower stomach to then start licking you groin and he stopped on your clitoris. Something really weird happened in that moment. Suddenly everything went dark and you started to imagine a very shine place with a lot of green trees and colorful flowers, with little cute animals and happy and kind people, you started to imagine you were seeing this landscape while riding an unicorn, you saw your dad waiting for you to hug you tight with a big and bright smile. You couldn't hear anything that was around you in the reality, you only could hear the sound of a waterfall near where you were in this imaginary place, some laughs and the sound of the wind. A feeling of horror started to run throughout your whole body, which caused your body tensed. Bad memories popped on your mind: the sounds of hoarse groans, the unpleasant sweat on your body, the smell of whiskey on your face, the mean laughs as a background sound. You tried to think about that happy imaginary place, to get out of that creepy imaginary place you were now, and you wanted to come back to the reality where you were with Darren, not with anybody else. You wanted to come back to the reality where Darren and you were making love, love and not something lewd, obscene and libidinous. Love, love, love. It was about love; you were with Darren, the person you loved, the person you chose to spend your life, the person you chose to give everything about you. What you were imagining was your past, it wasn't the same than now. That time love wasn't involved and now it was. Why were you feeling this way? Why were you remembering it all as if it were happening again? You tried to take all of those memories away from your mind, but you couldn't. The man who raped you several times was on your mind as if he were in real life, laughing at you and satisfying his sexual needs. Your whole body started trembling and you burst into wrenching and silent tears, panicking and having difficulties to breathe.

_**"Stop it! Stop it!"**_ You yelled desperate still crying inconsolably; trying to get out of the darkness which prevented you from focusing your sight to where you were.

Darren suddenly stopped abruptly and shocked. He looked up at you and when he saw you crying his face reflected horror and concern. He kneeled and he walked on his knees to sit next to you, hurriedly. He placed his hands on your cheeks and wiped the tears of your face softly, still looking at you completely shocked and disturbed.

_**"What happened? Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?"**_ Darren asked very nervous and startled, caressing your cheeks softly and not knowing what to do.

_**"No, no...No, god. I can't do this...I can't...you...this...I...Oh god."**_ You gasped and stirred, sobbing even harder and covering your face with your hands. Darren wrapped one of his arms on your back and with his free hand he grabbed yours, placing it on his chest. _**"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened! I'm really sorry!"**_ You sobbed uncontrollably and Darren kissed your forehead sweetly, making you rest your face on his chest and caressing your hair.

_**"Is this the first time...?"**_ Darren whispered fondly and reassuringly in your ear, still caressing gently your hair while you were sobbing heartbreakingly on his chest.


	11. Chapter 11

_You've through a rough and hard moment and you never had anyone to help you, to support you and to tell you that everything was going to be alright. You were alone. But then, Darren came up in your life to show you that you aren't alone because you're there with him. He gave you all the support and encouragement you always needed but you never got. But having a relationship with a celebrity isn't an easy thing as you thought. Your private life could be invaded and some things that you aren't used to do, can happen. In this opportunity, you have to show Darren all your love for him; as he shows you his. How far can you get to show him your love? But not everything is about you and Darren; more people is involved in your life and in his life. People you like, and people you don't like; people he likes and people he doesn't like. Would this change your relationship or not? Sometimes you need to take some risks to make love last. Would the two of you be willing to take those risks? Once again, your life with Darren Criss._

A/N: Okay guys! Here's another chapter of Chain Letters! Sorry it took me so long to update. Well, the next chapter is gonna be the last one and then it's gonna come the epilogue! And then, is the end of Chain Letters! Yeah, it's sad for me to end this story, but every story has its end. But I'm gonna keep writing other stories after Chain Letters. So, my lovely readers, don't get worried! Haha. I want to know if you're okay with smut scenes, because in the last chapter I wrote a bit and no one commented about it, so I'd like to know what you think about it! Okay, now I'm gonna let you read this chapter and I hope you can enjoy my longest chapter ever! Hugs to all of you!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 11.**

* * *

You were laying in bed with your head rested on Darren's chest while he had his arms wrapped around you, caressing your arms with his fingers really gently and sweetly. He never stopped kissing your forehead to calm you. You both were still naked, but Darren covered the two of you with a quilt. It took you a long time to stop sobbing even though Darren tried his best to make you see everything was fine. His words and your conversation after you stopped him were still buzzing on your mind.

_**"Is this the first time you're gonna have sexual intercourse after that time when you were a teen and you were subjected against your will?"**_ Darren asked gently and reassuringly.

_**"It is. I never had a boyfriend before and...I..."**_ You started to sob again, feeling extremely ashamed and sorrowful.

_**"Shh, it's okay, it's okay."**_ Darren whispered reassuringly, caressing your hair and kissing your head. _**"Don't cry, boo. I got you. You're with me and I won't let anything bad happen to you. **__**It's okay."**_

_**"It's not! You don't deserve this, all my stupidity and fears. You may be thinking I'm a fool and stupid little girl."**_ You sobbed on his chest, feeling bad because Darren had to deal with your trauma.

_**"Hey, don't say it never again."**_ Darren said grabbing your cheeks to make you look into his eyes. He had a fondly and comprehensive look. _**"I'm your boyfriend and I love you, I'm not some random guy. Of course I do care about your fears and I don't think you're a fool. I understand this is hard for you because what you experienced in your past was something terrible; and having sexual intercourse for the first time after all you had to go through it's not an easy thing. I understand. And I'll never think you're a fool because you aren't ready to be intimate with me. I won't leave you alone with this, I'm gonna help you to beat your fears, at your time. It doesn't matter how long it's gonna take, all I want is to make you feel completely good and make you feel whole. We're together on this, so don't you ever think that I need to have sex to love you; because that's the most stupid thing ever. Because I love you I want to make love to you, but I want to make love to you when the two of us feel sure and secure. It won't make me love you any less, it'll make me love you even more because I know how much this means to you and when we get to make love, I'm gonna feel like the most loved and luckiest man in earth, not because we're having sex but because I'm gonna know you're good. I'm gonna wait for you and I'm gonna help you whatever it takes. Never ever feel pressed to do this with me when you aren't ready; if you have to kick my ass to stop me, do it. I won't get mad, I won't think you're a fool, I won't think you don't love me; I'm gonna think that you need time and from there, I'm gonna always help you and understand you." **_Darren said looking fixedly into your eyes, caressing your cheek kindly.

_**"Dar, I thought I was ready because I love you and I want to go all the way with you because that's what I feel. I just don't know what happened!"**_ You said with choked voice, still shedding tears. His words made you feel very touched and you knew that not everybody would be as kind, gentle and compressive as Darren was being. If there was a person with whom you'd have sexual intercourse, that person would be only Darren.

_**"I know you love me, but it doesn't mean you're ready. And I truly understand. Probably I wouldn't have understood you if this had happened months ago; but now I know your whole story and it's fully understandable."**_ Darren said fondly and he kissed your forehead. "I want to be on your shoes and I want to know how you felt minutes ago, what you thought, what crossed on your mind."

_**"I remembered it all, as if that man was here and you...you were..."**_ You started to say with teary eyes, ashamed to confess Darren all you felt.

_**"Don't be ashamed or afraid to tell me what you truly felt. I'm not here to judge you; I'm here to help the girl I love and to try to be on her shoes."**_ Darren said reassuringly and he grabbed your hand tightly.

_**"You were that man."**_ You looked down, still crying and feeling really bad because you thought it; because you knew Darren and that man were opposites.

_**"It stands to reason."**_ Darren said compressive and nodding.

_**"Do you really think it makes sense? Don't you feel mad because of this stupid comparison?"**_ You asked really surprised by his answer. You weren't expecting that kind of answer; because if you were him, probably you'd be really upset.

_**"Of course it makes sense and of course I'm not mad at you. This is the first time you have a situation like this after all you had to live. It makes sense that you started remembering that man and you didn't see me as that man because you think I'm like him. You saw me like that man because you remembered what he did to you in an intimate situation like we were having."**_ It seemed that Darren was reading your mind. How could he be so very compressive? How could he understand you the way he was doing? _**"Have you imagined that place you used to imagine when you wanted to escape from reality?"**_ Darren asked gently. This was too much, not only he understood you but he also remembered all you told him once, a long time ago, in one of your letters.

"_**I did. How have you remembered it?"**_ You asked him in tears, really astonished.

_**"I remember all you said to me. I might suck at remembering my lyrics, but I'm actually good at remembering your words."**_ Darren said slightly smiling and shrugging, always caressing your hair. _**"How does that place look like?"**_

_**"I...I don't know..."**_ You said with trembling voice and looking down, obviously uncomfortable for his question because maybe he'd think it's stupid or cheesy or whatever.

_**"You don't have to tell me if you don't want because is something really private to you."**_ Darren said delicately and he kissed your forehead, smiling at you fondly. _**"But I hope you don't want to tell me it because you think I'm gonna think it's silly, because I won't."**_

_**"Since when do you read minds?"**_ You asked frowning; now wiping away your tears while Darren laughed softly.

_**"Hmh, let me think..."**_ Darren said with a smile on his face and pretending to be thinking something really difficult. _**"Since you're my girlfriend and I know you very well? It could be a reason. Or maybe Voldy taught me so, but I'm gonna deny it."**_

_**"Get out of here, Voldy's friend!" **_You exclaimed a bit rejoiced, nudging him playfully.

Darren took advantage of it and he grabbed your arm to pull you into a very sweet and affectionate kiss, caressing your cheeks with his fingertips. You felt the warmth of his naked body against yours; but it wasn't something that brought you bad memories, it was actually very comfortingly. Darren slowly intertwined his legs with yours during the kiss and you placed both of your hands on his shoulders. When Darren stopped kissing you, he looked into your eyes with a tender look and a warm smile, still caressing your cheeks with his fingertips and not uttering a word. You continued looking deep into each other's eyes. How couldn't you love the man who was always trying to make you feel good, safe and loved?

_**"This place..."**_ You started to say once you felt safe with him, and Darren remained silent looking into your eyes and listening to you intently. _**"It's a weird place, where everything is just cheerfulness and safeness. Is a place where only I can see wonderful things; like green and large trees, colorful flowers, a shiny day, and a beautiful landscape. All I can hear are laughs, the sound of the waterfalls, birds singing. And I'm seeing all of that from the sky, because...you know my dad gave me a stuffed unicorn once, so it's like I'm riding that unicorn that can fly. And I see my dad waiting for me to give me a hug with a big smile on his face, telling me that I'm in a safe place now. That's the place where I go every time I'm surrounded by darkness. You might think I'm crazy."**_ You said, looking down and frowning, remembering that place.

_**"I don't. It seems a totally awesome place and I'd love to go there with you sometime, if you let me." **_Darren said smiling warmly at you.

_**"Are you poking fun of me?"**_ You asked frowning, not sure about what Darren meant with his answer. His answer made you feel as you were insane and he was trying to continue your insanity. That place wasn't real, how come he said he wanted to go there with you? It seemed a leg-pull.

_**"Not at all!"**_ Darren frowned, astonished at your question. _**"I know this isn't a real place and it's more like a symbolic place for you. So I just said it as a symbolic way. You said you go to this place to escape from reality when everything turns dark for you; it's a place where you can feel safe and happy. But you go there alone and this time I want to join you. I want to go to the place where you feel that way and, if it's possible, I want to be the one who would guide you the way there. Maybe we could make up a whole new place where you can feel happy and safe with me, a place where nothing is gonna be dark. That's what I meant, I want to make you feel the way you feel in that place but with me and here, I want to turn that imaginary place of yours into your reality."**_

_**"That's not gonna be an easy thing."**_

_**"I know. But you know it, good things are never easy, that's why those things are worth."**_ Darren smiled lovingly at you and he pecked your lips smoothly.

_**"Would you never give up on me and my fears?"**_ You asked expectantly at him.

_**"Never ever. Do you know why?"**_ Darren asked at you and you shook your head. _**"Because I know that behind those scary and insecure eyes, a brave and self-confident woman is hiding; it's just she never had the chance to show it. Because I can see in those eyes something that probably no one else saw before, and it's something called hope to keep going on against fears. Because your eyes are yelling to get some help, protection and support; but no one before heard those desperate yells. Because you're the most worth person to fight for that I've ever met. But the most important reason is because I love you and it makes me to put you in first place above everything."**_

_**"Sometimes I just wonder why I was so lucky to have found you and why you love me the way you do."**_ You said with teary eyes and touched by his words to you.

_**"If you could just look at yourself as you really are and not what you think you are you'd find out the reasons why I love you so much like this. You're an extraordinary person and you cut yourself because you weren't given any chance to show the world as you really are."**_ Darren said yearningly, looking at you with bright eyes. _**"But that's gonna change because I'm gonna give you that chance and because I'm gonna show you how you really are, so then you can realize why you're loved by many people."**_

_**"Thank you Dar, for all you did and you do for me. No one else before has done something like that for me."**_ You said with choked voice and you rested your head on his chest, wrapping his arms around him. _**"I love you so freaking much."**_

Darren kissed you forehead and he whispered some things you couldn't remember very well because the fact to have been crying so hard made you fall asleep very quickly; your eyes were very swollen and you barely could keep them open. You fell fast asleep on Darren's chest, feeling the warmth of his body holding you, feeling all the caresses he did to you until you fell into the deepest of dreams; feeling safe and happy just as he wanted you to feel.

_**"Goodnight, boo. I wish you the sweetest dreams."**_ You heard fuzzily Darren's voice and you felt faintly how he kissed your temple in the middle of the night.

* * *

Malicious laughter, hoarse groaning and gasps, obscene situations, sweating, alcohol smell, rough skin, shrieks, desperation, fear, nervousness, affliction, devastation and abandonment. Those were the reasons why next morning you woke up with eyelashes stuck together from crying and sweat all over your body. You had nightmares all night long so that morning your eyes were itchy and very swollen and red around them. It took you time to wake up and realize it all was just a nightmare and that wasn't really happening. It has been years since the last time you had nightmares about it; but now that you revived all those traumatic moments last night, you couldn't stop thinking about it, you couldn't even sleep peacefully. All you wanted in the moment you woke up crying was to snuggle into Darren and find safety and serenity on his arms. But Darren wasn't there. You were curled up alone in your bed, covered with your quilt. You looked around your bedroom to see if Darren was near you, but he wasn't in your bedroom and you were feeling very weak to get up and see if Darren was still in your apartment. But it seemed Darren wasn't there because everything was super quiet. You looked around your bedroom again but this time to see if there was any note from him telling you that he had to go or something, but you didn't find anything. It was very weird that he was gone without notice, he never did something like that before. Why had he gone just right in the moment you needed him the most, after all that happened last night? He told you he wasn't to leave you alone on this, but he wasn't here now. Could he have lied to you? No, he'd never do that. Or yes? What if he really didn't want another problem in his life and while you were sleeping he thought that he didn't want to deal with you and your fears? Maybe Darren wasn't expecting what happened last night and he didn't want a girl with whom he was going to have a lot of patience. Maybe he didn't like the idea of you not being able to have sex with him. Maybe the fact of you being so problematic, traumatized and complicated scared him as hell; and he thought that maybe leaving you now was better now than later. Maybe when you were sleeping Darren realized that he didn't want this kind of relationship with you. Why was he gone? You couldn't stop thinking all the possibilities and that freaked you out. Now you were feeling completely gloomy and mournful, more alone than ever. The sound of the silence was desperate and it was making you feel dread. You curled up in bed, covering your whole body with the quilt and hugging your pillow; trying to calm down. It should have be a reason why Darren wasn't there.

You remained hearing the silence of your apartment for a while, still in bed, until you heard the sound of a key opening the front door. It made you startle and you raised your head to listen better, looking in the direction where the door of your bedroom was.

_**"Darren?"**_ You asked cautiously and doubtfully from your bed.

_**"Oh fuck!"**_ You heard Darren's voice grumbling and how he closed the front door. _**"Don't you dare to get your ass out of bed or what I've planned is gonna be totally screwed!"**_

You barely heard what he said; all you could do was to feel relieved because Darren hasn't left you alone, because he was still there and because it meant all your thoughts were wrong. Apparently he didn't mind you were so complicated, he still wanted to be with you. All he said to you last night probably was all true. You sat in bed, still covering your naked body with the quilt and you intended to get up.

_**"Really, don't you dare to get up!"**_ Darren warned you again from...your kitchen? _**"Dammit, you were supposed to be sleeping! I just left your apartment about ten minutes ago, I tried to pretend to be flashman considering the speed I did everything, I almost broke my leg when I stumbled upon a wooden bench because in my hurry I didn't see it, I screwed my sneakers because of that, I did a scene in a public place by rushing an issue and the cops almost catch me, I stepped on a dogleg in the street by accident and it almost bit my ass, I ran pretending to be a super athlete guy and my heart rate increased to the point I almost had a heart attack, I'm all sweaty and messy, I can't recover my breathe, I feel a throbbing leg pain, I have palpitations and I have no idea if I'm still alive or not...and you're already awake? Fuck my life!"**_ Darren exclaimed in disbelief in the distance. His whole anecdote made you burst with laughter.

_**"It seems you'll need new sneakers, a new heart, you'll need to be placed on a ventilator and maybe you could use a massage session for your throbbing legs. Are you sure you aren't eighty? Cause in that case, I have elderly friends with whom you could play bingo."**_ You mocked him, giggling out loud and lying in bed again.

_**"Now I'm gonna kick your ass as soon as I see you, you sneaky devil. But hey, I liked the idea of massage session. I'm a luckless old guy who needs to be cared for by a tiny, beautiful girl who's lying in bed now."**_ Darren yelled in the distance, faking a miserable and suffered voice.

_**"Oh, poor old man! Who's gonna help him now? I don't see anybody around to do so!"**_ You mocked him once again, also faking a voice of suffering and giggling softly.

_**"Maybe that gorgeous girl I'm seeing now could help me."**_ Darren said popping his head in your bedroom with a huge smile on his face.

The first you saw was his face, because he was hiding his entire body behind the door. His cheeks and his nose were rosy probably because outside was really cold; and his curls were totally messed up. In any other person it'd look terrible but in Darren it looked delightfully messy and adorable. You sat in bed and covered your body with the quilt, smiling brightly at him. It cheered very much to see Darren standing there, in your bedroom and with that beautiful natural look of his.

_**"Well, good morning, rosy cheeks."**_ You laughed, looking at him amused and cheerful.

_**"Oh, I see what you did there. It seems you're in a funny mood this morning."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrow and smiling amused. How could someone look so beautiful in the morning? _**"Surely you're wondering why I'm hiding my body behind the door." **_Darren said sassy and mysteriously, looking at you mischievously.

_**"No actually. I thought you were hiding your body behind the door because that dog that wanted to bite you actually peed on you and you're totally ashamed."**_ You said shrugging, pretending to be indifferent but always with a hussy smile.

_**"Cool theory." **_Darren nodded pretending to be impressed. _**"Well, since you're gonna reject me because I'm peed by a dog, I guess you wouldn't want to get some of this..."**_

Darren finally entered your bedroom with a sleek white high-gloss bed tray with a cozy slot for a fresh yellow flower on his hands with coffee for two, toast bread, plain croissants, cinnamon rolls, chocolate almond sticks, cream puffs, brownie cups, chocolate cookies, sugar crisp, two glasses of orange juice, and a small teddy bear with a red heart that spelled -Good lovely morning- A huge and radiant smile appeared on your face because of all his cuteness and loveliness. It was a very cheesy moment, but it was very sweet of him to have done it. Darren and his gracious never stopped to amaze you; every day you were finding a new thing of him that was making you love him even more and more. You had no words to express Darren all you appreciated this kind gesture.

_**"That seems delicious."**_ Was all you could say and Darren smiled even brighter.

Darren walked towards the bed with the tray and he sat on your bed, leaving there the tray. Then he leaned to peck your lips very sweetly still smiling.

_**"Good morning, boo."**_ Darren whispered in front your lips with the same bright smile.

_**"Good morning, Dar."**_ You smiled in front his lips_**. "Let me change so we can have our super delicious breakfast."**_ You said, still covering your body with the quilt because you were still naked.

_**"No, no. Today I'm gonna take care of you, be ready to be spoiled today."**_ Darren said winking and smiling mysteriously.

_**"It seems you have a plan. Should I be worried?"**_ You asked curiously and amused.

_**"I always have a plan. Actually not, but today I planned some things. Maybe you should be a little scared, but chill out because stab you isn't in my plans."**_ Darren laughed and he placed his hands on your shoulders to squeeze them slightly, massaging them with his fingertips.

_**"Hmm, I like how your plan started." **_You whispered in pleasure, closing your eyes and enjoying his massages. Darren giggled softly and then he kissed slightly your neck.

But suddenly, Darren stood up and you opened your eyes to look at him frowning and wondering why he stopped. He walked to your side and he ducked to grab your clothes that were on the floor. Then he sat next to you with your clothes on his hands and he looked at you smiling. You were just looking at him frowning and intrigued to know what he wanted to do. Darren caressed your shoulder smoothly with a smile and then he slowly uncovered you. You abruptly got nervous and tense because you weren't expecting this; it was extremely embarrassing for you to be this exposed and naked in front of him. You felt how all your face turned red and you started feeling heated and exalted. You tried to cover your naked body with the quilt again, but Darren stopped you and he laughed softly.

_**"Hey, don't be ashamed. It's me."**_ Darren said smiling reassuringly and he kissed your lips softly. _**"Let me dress you."**_

_**"No, this...this is embarrassing. I can do it by myself; it's not that I'm four or something."**_ You said blushing and looking down, your whole body trembling in embarrassment.

_**"I know. But why are you so ashamed? Yesterday I told you that you were beautiful, I haven't changed my mind."**_ Darren asked curious, looking deeply into your eyes.

_**"Stop it, Darren. I don't know... it's just embarrassing. No one ever dressed me before. I feel kind of exposed...I don't know."**_ You rambled, looking down and blushing even more.

_**"Well, I never did this before. But I want to try a new thing; if it were up to me, I'd try all the new things with you. I promise I won't try to do something else, only dress you and spoil you."**_ Darren said gently still looking deeply into your eyes. You remained silent looking down. _**"Can I?"**_ Darren said placing a hand on the quilt and you just nodded, still looking down.

Maybe you could try this new thing with Darren too. He'd never do something you wouldn't like or something that could be bad for you; you needed to trust him. After all he was your boyfriend and he loved you the way you were; he was still with you after all that happened and he wanted to help you. And also, after all, he already saw you naked. Maybe the fact of him changing you wasn't a bad thing; maybe it was going to be a nice experience. Darren slowly uncovered you again and he sat behind you, placing his hands on your arms and he kissed your shoulders. You shivered because it was very cold and his kiss was really warm.

_**"Chill out. I won't do anything you don't want, trust me."**_ Darren whispered smoothly in your ear and then he kissed your cheek. He grabbed your bra and rested his chin on your left shoulder. _**"Raise your arms." **_He whispered smoothly and kindly. You raised your arms abruptly and as a very clumsy person as you were, you hit Darren's face and you turned around and looked at him nervous, lowering your arms. He didn't get mad or something, he just chuckled softly. _**"Slow down and relax." **_

Darren started massaging your shoulders in circles with his fingertips again for a while until he felt you were more relaxed. Then he helped you to raise your arms slowly and he fastened your bra around your middle. After he did it, he placed his hands on your waist and he caressed your sides smoothly, kissing your neck. Those weren't passionate kisses; those were more like sweet and agreeable kisses. Then he kissed your cheek and turned you around, so now you were facing him. He looked into your eyes with a fondly smile and then he leaned to kiss your lips; his smile made you feel even more relaxed and comfortable. He grabbed your panties and then he placed his hands on your inner thigh, you looked down feeling slightly embarrassed again.

_**"Hey, look at me."**_ Darren said lifting your chin with one of his hands and your eyes found his. _**"Don't feel ashamed of yourself because you're truly beautiful. Sometimes human beings feel ashamed of their bodies therefore they feel ashamed of being naked. But we always forget how we born, and how natural is to be like this. Not that I'm saying that from now on we all should go out naked into the street, but I'm saying you shouldn't be ashamed to be naked in front of the person who loves you and you love. It's organic and it isn't a bad thing."**_ Darren said now caressing your cheek with one of his hands and grabbing your inner thigh with the other one.

_**"But I cannot help feeling ashamed. It's like, I don't know... like it's one of the most private things we have and it's kind of shocking to be completely exposed in front of someone, even though I love that someone. Like if it was disgusting or something for the other person."**_ You said frowning because of your certain inconsistency.

_**"Seeing you like this is as far from disgusting. It's exactly the opposite; I see you like this and I'm amazed; you have no idea all I'm feeling right now."**_ Darren said bowing and shaking his head, laughing softly.

_**"What are you feeling right now?"**_ You asked curious and Darren looked up at you.

_**"Well...is an instinctive feeling that any man would have to see a gorgeous woman like you this way. And add the fact that not only the physical part is involved but also the love is involved."**_ Darren said looking intensely at you with his bright hazel eyes.

_**"So?"**_ You asked looking deeply into his eyes.

_**"So I want to kiss you everywhere and explore every single part of your body; I want you to do the same with me. I want to know all about you and I want you to know all about me, outside and inside. I want to touch your whole body, but not in a perverted way; it's more like a way to connect, a way to feel all that lovers can get to feel. And I want to be the one who shows you the pleasure to intimate with the person you love; I want to be the one who teaches you all these new things for you and I want to learn with you new things in our intimacy. Damn, think about it is making me feel aroused, so I'm just gonna stop."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrows and running his fingers through his curls.

_**"And why don't you do it?"**_ You asked looking fixedly into his eyes. Darren fixed his eyes on yours and you remained looking at each other very intensely.

_**"Because first I want you to feel sure about this and I want you to feel self-confident, I want you to enjoy this as much as you can. And it's not time for you yet; I can wait, you're in first place now."**_ Darren answered still looking intensely into your eyes and this time smiling warmly.

"_**Thank you, Dar. But you don't have to consider me in first place because this is about both of us and not only me. It'd be selfish of me if all of this is up to me, and I don't want it."**_ You said half smiling.

"_**See this like it's not up to you, it's up to both of us; it's not about only you, it's about me too. And because it's about me too, I wouldn't do anything you don't want because I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable with me. See? This point of view changes what worries you."**_ Darren smiled and caressed your hair.

_**"You're good at convincing people." **_You giggled.

_**"Oh, it's my specialty."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow amused and you suddenly kissed his lips, surprising him. Darren placed both of his hands on your jaw line and he deepened the kiss, smiling in the meantime. He broke the kiss to go down to your feet, never breaking eye contact with you. _**"Now stay smooth, real ,real smooth and make yourself comfortable."**_

He grabbed one of your feet and he began by stroking top of foot, between cords located on top of foot at instep; he moved in the direction toe to ankle. Then, he continued by stroking sole of your foot, first it was gently but then he increased the pressure. He made circular motions with his thumb and fingers over the sole of your foot, and used more pressure in the heel and ball of your foot; he started from the top and worked his way down. Then he began with your big toe and worked towards the pinky toe, taking each toe individually. He rolled the toe between his thumb and forefinger as he slid his fingers down the toe to the end, applying gentle pressure; and he gently squeezed the end of each toe. The he ended by stroking the sole and instep. He did exactly the same with your other foot. Damn, it was completely pleasurable and relaxing. He once gave you a back massage, but you had no idea he could give any kind of massage. Where did he learn to give such formidable massages? You were lying in bed with closed eyes, enjoying his feet massage; but when you sensed he finished, you started sitting in bed again.

_**"No, hey! I haven't finished. Lie in bed again and hold on a second."**_ Darren said gently and he stood.

You lay in bed again and you looked at Darren frowning, without knowing what he was doing. You forgot you were naked, you forgot your embarrassment; you only were relaxed enjoying all of this that Darren was doing to you, something that no one else has done to you in your past. After a few minutes, he came back and sat next to you with Jasmine oil and a towel on his hands. Where the hell did he get it? You didn't remember to have that oil among your beauty products. He didn't say anything he just leaned to get your pillow and place it properly under your head.

_**"Darren, what...?" **_You started asking, but he interrupted you.

_**"Shh, just close your eyes and leave it to me."**_ Darren said caressing your hair, a bit serious. You closed your eyes and relaxed a bit.

_**"Is this part of your master plan?"**_ You asked, still with closed eyes.

_**"It is. You're gonna like this. Can I?"**_ Darren asked, placing his fingers on your bra straps and sliding them a bit.

You only nodded, you needed to trust him and stop being so embarrassed of being naked in front of him. As he said, there was nothing bad of being like this with the person you loved; and you felt safe with him. What could go wrong? Darren slowly took off your bra that he put you on minutes ago and he dropped it next to him. You were still with closed eyes, but you sensed how he put that Jasmine oil on his hands.

_**"Just relax, and as soon as you start feeling uncomfortable; just let me know and I'm gonna stop, okay?"**_ Darren asked mildly and you nodded again in silence.

"_**Do I have to turn around on my back or something?"**_ You asked frowning; it was weird that Darren hasn't asked you to do so.

"_**No, this is another kind of massages. Now just stay in silence and relax."**_ Darren said softly and you nodded, trying to relax your whole body.

Darren placed the fingers of both of his hands on your forehead and he rested his thumbs on your temples. He applied firm but light pressure and then he released, using firm circular strokes. He shifted his fingers slightly further up your forehead nearer to the hairline and raised his thumbs with them, repeating the press and release movement. He kept moving this position up and onto the scalp, bit by bit, repeating the pressure and release movement, following the line of the Governor Vessel meridian; approximately the center of your scalp. At the top of your head, he applied pressure to your head at the acupoint located about three quarters of the way on the top of your scalp. He repeated this movement but this time it was on the sides of your head. You never thought that a head massage could be this pleasurable. Then Darren leaned to kiss your lips, making long smooth strokes from shoulder to waist. This was feeling extremely delightful and also arousing because of the way Darren was massaging you mixing in turn some kisses on your lips, the corner of your mouth, your jaw line and neck. As he came back to your shoulders, he gently used the backs of his hands to continue the stroke over your neck and under the chin. Following down to the shoulders again, he swept the palms of his hands along your upper arms then back to your shoulders, repeating this action several times. Then he spread out his fingers and circled around your pecs. Then he started stroking in circles under your arms. Oh goddammit, it was very painful. Why was it so damn painful? You couldn't stand that pain any longer, you were about to cry.

_**"Stop, Darren! Please!"**_ You groaned painfully, tensing your body with pain. "It hurts, it hurts a lot!"

_**"I know it hurts, it's because this might be the first time someone is massaging you here, and you have a muscular contraction here."**_ Darren said frowning, still stroking with his thumbs in circles under your arms and you couldn't stand it. _**"Relax, soon the pain is gonna end and then you're gonna feel really good."**_

_**"But I can't! This is...oh damn!"**_ You moaned in pain again, this time shedding some tears.

_**"Shh, it's gonna end soon."**_ Darren whispered in your ear reassuringly and then he kissed your jaw line near your earlobe, while still stroking in circles under your arms and going down to your waist.

He repeated this action several times until you started to feel better, it wasn't hurting so much now; actually it was feeling really good now. He was right, the pain was gone now and you felt better than before. Then Darren started to stroke in circles with his thumbs under your breasts and you felt pain again, but you bear the pain. Still stroking under your breasts, Darren leaned his head to start kissing your breasts really smoothly; this was really arousing, almost erotic; but it was feeling good. Then he slid his hands to your ribs and he started stroking his thumbs in circles there, kissing you from your breasts to your stomach. Then he went his way down to your pelvis and groin and he stroked his thumbs in circles there, applying firm but light press; still kissing your whole stomach. You couldn't tell if it was pleasurable, painful, ticklish or arousing; you were feeling it all at the same time and it made you moan. Darren continued stroking his thumbs there for a while and then he slid his hands on your hips, kissing now your groin very slightly. He stroked his thumbs on your hips for a while. Then he stopped to grab the Jasmine oil again and put more on his hands, to then use his palms to give long, even strokes all the way from your toes to the tops of your legs, going back down again and going very lightly over your knees. Oh holy shit, it was extraordinary delectable, it seemed he had powers on his hands or something. He loosened up your toes by rolling the pad of each one, firmly, between his thumb and index finger. Then he rested your ankle in the palm of one hand and massaged with his other hand: thumb on one side; fingers on the other. He continued on up your legs with his thumb and fingers movement. He went softly over your knees, but very firmly on your thighs. Keeping his rhythm, he picked up your upper thigh muscles and squeezed them. He worked gently back down your legs with circular strokes, giving pressure on the down stroke with his fingertips; on the up stroke with his palms; while kissing your groin slightly and softly. He oiled his hands once again and finally he laid his hands on your belly, sweeping his hands in one gentle stroke, up over your chest and down along your arms, finally lifting off from the hands. You finally opened your eyes, feeling extreme pleasure and Darren smiled fondly and a bit amused at you.

_**"Oh holy shit, that was..."**_ You exclaimed in pleasure, totally relaxed.

_**"Wait, I haven't finished."**_ Darren said amused, smiling brightly.

_**"What? What else can you do? Oh god, Darren."**_ You exclaimed astonished and amazed.

_**"Gimme your hands."**_ Darren laughed softly, amused by your overreaction.

You sat in bed and slowly you gave him your hands and he held them in his; while you looked at him curiously. He began by rubbing lotion around your palm with his thumb while rubbing the back of your hand and knuckles with the rest of his fingers. Then he rubbed his way up to your fingers with other hand, using both his thumb and fingers to reach the tip, then slowly headed back down to your wrist; never losing eye contact with you. He began to target those specific muscle structures in the extremities in your hand that hurt the most; making you move your hands, opening and closing them while he was massaging them. Then he went to the fatless areas between the muscle extremities, and repeated the massaging process, in small clockwise/counter-clockwise circles for several seconds. Then he repeated the same action on your other hand. Once he finished he smiled brightly at you and he leaned to peck your lips. He grabbed the towel and dried his hands before he dried your whole body very slowly and carefully, always looking into your eyes deeply. If you were embarrassed before, now it was the opposite. You never felt more secure, safe and contained by someone like this; you never felt more loved and no one else before took care of you the way Darren did. And Darren did this for you, without expecting something in return and without intending to do something else you didn't want and you weren't ready for. And he was extremely good at it. Darren grabbed your clothes and he looked at you with a smile before start putting your clothes on. He dressed you in the sweetest way and as smoothly as possible. You never thought you were going to feel this relaxed and loose in front of someone while naked. But Darren, by his massages and his kisses, proved you that it was possible and it surprised you how fast he got it. Damn, you loved the man you were seeing in front of you. Once he finished dressing you, he stood to sit in bed behind you, opening his legs, and sitting with his legs bent up, placing them on your sides, so you were now between his legs. He wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

_**"Did you like it?"**_ Darren whispered and he glanced at you, with a sweet smile on his face. You turned your gazed to look at him, smiling back.

_**"I loved it. At first I must admit it was fucking painful, but then...oh damn! You're so good at it. Where did you learn?"**_ You asked curious.

_**"My mom, she took classes and taught me." **_

_**"Has she taught you all you did to me? Including the kisses and all?"**_ You asked raising an eyebrow, mocking him.

_**"Oh no, it'd have been disturbing."**_ Darren said with wide eyes open, raising his eyebrows. _**"Consider it as an extra gift from the masseur."**_ Darren winked and laughed softly._** "How did you feel about it?"**_

_**"To be honest, it felt really good." **_You said looking away, remembering all you felt in that moment. _**"It was very intimate and I didn't feel embarrassed. The opposite, I felt... safe, relaxed and just fine. How did you get it?"**_

_**"I do have powers; I'm like a quirky and goofy superhero."**_ Darren said serious, as if he were confessing a secret and you laughed out loud. _**"I guess it was what you needed, to feel we can do intimate things without the need for sex. Have you remembered bad memories while I was doing this? Or was this different?"**_

_**"It was different. Those bad memories didn't come into my mind, I was here with you; enjoying all you were doing. It was weird, the way I felt. Nothing bad happened! Wow..."**_ You exclaimed, realizing that no one of those memories popped into your mind. Darren definitely got it.

_**"I'm so glad it was like that. See? It's a huge progress; you can do it, you're not hopeless as you may be thinking you are. You just need time and a goofy and totally stubborn guy who loves you a lot to help you and to show you new things you never experienced."**_ Darren said smiling and wrapping tighter his arms around your waist. You rested your whole body on his, and now Darren placed his hands on your knees bent to balance. He looked at you with a bright smile and then he kissed your cheek. _**"Ready to have our super belated breakfast? Today you'll need a lot of energy."**_

_**"What do you have exactly on mind?"**_ You asked at him intrigued.

_**"I ain't telling you a shit."**_ Darren laughed and looked at you mysteriously and amused. _**"Do you know the meaning of the word surprise? If not, it's time for you to learn it."**_

_**"Sometimes you can be so bitchy."**_ You shook your head in disbelief and laughed softly.

_**"Most of the time, I'd say. But you gotta love me like this."**_ Darren joked, nuzzling his nose on your neck.

_**"I do. Dumb me!"**_ You laughed.

* * *

_**"Why are we here?"**_ You asked Darren.

_**"Alright. This is the eighth time that you ask me that. I swear that my answer won't change."**_

_**"I just don't get it. I don't like here."**_ You whispered looking around.

_**"You're so fucking weird. I think you must be the only girl in the whole planet who doesn't like being here." **_Darren exclaimed frowning in disbelief.

_**"I'm not like any other girl. I don't feel comfortable being here. Have you noticed how people are looking at us?"**_ You whispered looking askance at the people around you.

_**"Screw them!"**_

_**"It's easy for you to say it because you aren't the one to whom people are seeing in a weird way." **_

_**"You're making up things on your mind, boo."**_

_**"I'm not!"**_ You huffed and grumbled and all the people around looked in your direction, what made you blush and look down. Darren looked at the people around and then he got closer to you and placed his hands on your crossed arms.

_**"Hey, don't feel uncomfortable. No one is looking at you in a weird way; and if they are, well then, I'm gonna kick their asses. You just enjoy being here; that was my intention and you really don't want to turn my plans into an epic fail."**_ Darren whispered smiling a bit amused.

_**"Do I embarrass you?"**_

_**"What?"**_ Darren asked astonished and raising his eyebrows in disbelief. _**"Not at all! Why would you think that?"**_

_**"I don't know... I'm not like you and all these people."**_ You whispered looking askance at the people around you again.

_**"And how I am exactly in your opinion?"**_ Darren asked looking deeply into your eyes.

_**"I don't know..."**_ You answered irresolute. _**"Like... I don't know; you're cool and voguish like all those people; you belong to this chic place. I don't. I'm just an ordinary and unstylish girl."**_ You said looking down, feeling really awkward.

You and Darren were in a very expensive and luxurious clothing store: Barney's New York. He told you he wanted to buy some clothes for him and for you because that night he wanted to take you somewhere he wouldn't tell you. At first you strongly refused to his idea of buying you clothes, and more if it were super expensive clothes; but, as always, Darren ended up convincing you. Now you were there, it was very uncomfortable because the contrast of you with second-hand clothes and all those people with couture clothing was very noticeable. You never felt uncomfortable by wearing the clothes you were used to wear, but this time it was different because you felt totally misplaced. You still couldn't get why you let Darren convince you.

_**"I'm counting how many bullshit you can say in a sentence."**_ Darren said, raising his eyebrows and you looked up at him frowning. _**"You're totally not an ordinary and unstylish girl and I'm not a cool guy. We both are quirky, that's why we get along so well. If people don't like our quirkiness, they can suck my balls."**_

_**"Oh, you'd like people to suck your balls, wouldn't you?"**_ You asked mischievously and amused now.

_**"It was in a figurative way. You know you're the only one who's allowed to do so."**_ Darren whispered seductively in your ear and then he winked, laughing out loud.

_**"Asshole!"**_ You exclaimed and walked away from him, swinging your hips seductively and totally amused. Darren ran to you and he grabbed you by your waist, now walking with you, behind you.

_**"And you call yourself an ordinary girl. The biggest bullshit in the history! Watch out because with this way you're walking, you're gonna kill all the guys here. Not only because of your sensuality, but also because I'm going to kill these guys if they dare to look at my girlfriend."**_ Darren whispered in your ear with his chin rested on your shoulder; and you only giggled.

_**"Look who's here!"**_ A man's and almost angelical voice exclaimed behind you both.

You and Darren turned around abruptly to see who said so; surely it was someone who only knew Darren because it was impossible it was directed to you in that expensive place. Indeed, it was someone who only knew Darren. Chris Colfer was standing there, with a smile on his face. He was really tall compared to you and Darren and he was even more beautiful than you could see on TV. What caught your attention were his eyes; his eyes were a mix of blue and green and were really shiny; he was really pale and it made his eyes even more noticeable. Darren walked towards him with a huge smile on his face.

_**"Hey man!"**_ Darren exclaimed, friendly hugging Chris. _**"What are you doing here?"**_

_**"I guess the same you're doing. There aren't so many things you can do in a clothing store."**_ Chris joked and Darren raised his eyebrows amused.

_**"It surprises me, Chris. I thought you knew me very well. It's obvious you wouldn't throw cupcakes in the store as I'm gonna do." **_Darren joked back.

_**"I haven't considered it. Who knows? Maybe now you're looking at the rebel llama. But more than throwing cupcakes, I'd be eating all those cupcakes you're gonna throw. Team throw and eat."**_ Chris fooled around, ingeniously.

_**"Watch out, Chris because you could end up pooping the whole store. But on second thought, it wouldn't be bad if the store is decorated with colorful llama poop. I wonder how it'd smell." **_

_**"As a poopcake. We should try it."**_ Chris joked and laughed along with Darren. _**"But sadly I'm here because I'm looking for something to wear tonight."**_

_**"Same."**_ Darren said, more serious now. Wait... Where exactly was Darren going to take you that night? Because both Darren and Chris were going to go somewhere that night and judging by the conversation, they were going to go to the same place. Or maybe you were jumping to senseless conclusions; maybe it was just a coincidence. _**"Hey Chris, I want to introduce you my girlfriend."**_

Darren turned around to grab your hand and pull you gently to where he and Chris were. You blushed all of a sudden because suddenly you caught all the attention. Darren introduced you to Chris as his girlfriend; he wasn't joking when he told you he wanted to make it public. Chris was now looking at you with a warm smile on his face and you felt really weird to be in front of Chris Colfer, it was like it wouldn't happen in million years.

_**"Well then, is very nice to meet you finally. I was starting to think that Darren's girlfriend was imaginary."**_ Chris greeted you gently with a kiss on your cheek and you blushed even more.

_**"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Colfer." **_You greeted him shyly and politely.

_**"Mr. Colfer?"**_ Chris looked at you amused. _**"It's weird to be called that way by you. Like I think you're my lifetime friend considering how much Darren talked about you on set."**_

_**"Hey, Colfer! Don't bring me under the spotlight!"**_ Darren exclaimed exaggeratedly and then he and Chris laughed. _**"Yeah, it's a thing she has. She calls everybody by their last name. She still calls my parents by their last name, man!"**_ Darren looked at you amused and you just looked down, blushing even more. Why were you being so damn shy?

_**"Well, I guess you found a very gracious girl, Darren. Wonder how you caught her attention."**_ Chris said, still looking at you.

_**"Wait to know her better. She is as foul-mouthed and goofy as I am, if not more. Right, boo?"**_ Darren asked looking at you amused and mischievously.

_**"That's not true."**_ You said looking away, this time a little amused.

_**"You know that's true, don't lie..."**_

_**"It's not, you're just..."**_

_**"I'm just saying the truth; you're as much as..."**_

_**"I'm just courteous, there's no way I'm fool-mouthed and..."**_

_**"You're the biggest foul-mouthed I know! You're lying and..."**_

_**"I'm not lying...you know it isn't true because I'm..."**_

_**"Yes it is! Dammit, it's the truth!"**_

_**"Points to me. You cursed!"**_ You stuck out your tongue at Darren playfully, smiling victorious.

_**"Fuck you, sneaky devil! You had it planned. Crap, you knew I was going to curse. You knew it, you did it on purpose! So this is how it feels to be fooled."**_ Darren exclaimed with wide open eyes, shaking his head in disbelief and amused.

_**"Can I just meddle and say that both of you are the most silly and prankish couple ever? No doubts you're perfect to each other."**_ Chris said amused, looking at you and Darren with a huge grin. _**"Oh god! I don't want to imagine how it'd be to be at the same party with the two of you! I bet someone would die of laughter. You killers!"**_ Chris exclaimed pretending to be terrified and both you and Darren burst out laughing.

"_**Call us It or Pennywise the Dancing Clown."**_ You said raising an eyebrow and faking a malicious face. Chris looked at you with wide open eyes and he laughed out loud. Okay, the face you did was super stupid. Why did you do that face? Jerk.

_**"I told you she's super silly!"**_ Darren said, also laughing out loud and wrapping one of his arms around your waist.

_**"No doubts, no doubts!"**_ Chris exclaimed trying to control his laughter. _**"All the producers should be fighting to get you to portray the role-play for the new adaptation of that Stephen King's book! That was truly outstanding!"**_

_**"Thank you. Now be careful every time you have to cross a drain in the floor, my face could appear there."**_ You said serious and Chris laughed even louder while Darren was looking at you really amused.

_**"You girl, are a genius. A genius! Darren, how come you have a genius as a girlfriend?"**_ Chris asked, still laughing because of his amusement.

_**"I don't know, man. Her graciousness, shrewdness and hilarity still amazes me, dude. You never know with what she's gonna come up. There's no way to get bored with this genius. Now that I'm thinking it, I feel as if I won the lottery, man."**_ Darren said entertained with wide eyes and grinning brightly.

_**"A huge prize for you, Criss. Watch out or anyone could steal your tempting prize."**_ Chris said raising an eyebrow, still chuckling.

_**"That won't happen, bud. I have it covered."**_ Darren said, pulling you softly to him and holding you tighter.

_**"Oh God! What a nice overprotective boyfriend you got, girl."**_ Chris said, looking at Darren a bit amused and a bit stunned. _**"I never imagined you could be that overprotective, bud. You, overprotective? It's like you gotta be kidding me."**_

_**"You need to take care of your totally awesome prizes, right?"**_

_**"If you both don't stop talking about that I'm a prize; I'm gonna start thinking that I look like a trophy. I wouldn't want to be an inanimate object."**_ You said frowning, pretending to be really concerned and disturbed.

_**"Oh my God!"**_ Chris laughed out loud again. _**"Stop it! Stop it! My belly really hurts because of the laughter. And I considered myself as a witty man. You beat me!"**_

_**"I thought I was a girl. Maybe I should check it again."**_ You said frowning and pretending to be confused. Why were you being this sillly? The fact was that you were feeling comfortable with Chris for some odd reason.

_**"Gosh, Darren! Control your girlfriend or you'd have to call an ambulance because I'm gonna have a heart attack because of this outrageous attack of laughter!"**_ Chris laughed, placing his hands on his own belly.

_**"Man, I don't want her to be jailed. Be careful boo, Chris is not laughterproof."**_ Darren whispered amused. _**"What if we keep looking for some clothes to wear tonight? Maybe that way Chris is gonna stop laughing."**_

_**"I agree! Please, let's do it."**_ Chris said, now trying to control his laughter again.

_**"Alright, let's go find something. I want any dress as long as it isn't a dress which looks like an hamburger, because I'd end up eating it considering how hungry I am; the cops are gonna catch me, they're gonna think I'm totally insane and I'm gonna end up in a mental hospital. Summing up, your plans of going out tonight are gonna be totally screwed."**_ You said serious and Darren and Chris, who were looking at you intently and totally amused, burst out laughing because of your randomness.

_**"Oh dear, something tells me that this is gonna be the most hilarious shopping time I'm gonna have."**_ Chris said, shaking his head and chuckling.

* * *

"_**I can't believe you don't like sushi."**_ Darren said in disbelief, shaking his head totally aghast. _**"Sushi is fucking delicious!"**_

_**"Well, it's not for me. Sushi makes me nauseous."**_ You said, making a gesture of disgust.

_**"I don't know who you are. You're a fucking alien or a robot that lost the sense of smell and taste." **_Darren said still shaking his head in disbelief and frowning.

_**"Such a child, Darren."**_ Chris said, looking at him. _**"Not everybody likes the Klaine rolls."**_

_**"But sushi, man! Sushi!"**_ Darren exclaimed almost exaggeratedly.

_**"Yeah, sushi! What if I tell you saag paneer?"**_ Chris asked, looking at Darren with his arms crossed and raising his eyebrows.

_**"That's totally disgusting and filthy. Cheese is delicious, but the fact it's bobbing in that green thing...Man, it's totally gross."**_ Darren said making a face of repulsion.

_**"It's not for me. See? It's the same."**_ Chris said shrugging.

_**"You cannot compare sushi with that green thing. It's insane and unacceptable."**_ Darren said stubbornly.

_**"That green thing is spinach and it's healthy. For me is delicious and it's not for you; for you sushi is delicious and it's not for her. Simple as that."**_ Chris said easefully, shrugging again.

_**"I cannot believe we're having this conversation. You both are so fucking weird." **_Darren said a bit annoyed.

_**"As if you weren't, Darren! You like talking as Chewbacca. Who does that?"**_ You asked loudly with wide eyes and raising your eyebrows.

_**"No, don't mess with the totally awesome Chewbacca!"**_ Darren warned, looking fixedly into your eyes.

_**"I agree. Chewbacca is extraordinary."**_ Chris agreed with Darren, nodding.

_**"Really?"**_ You exclaimed in disbelief, looking at both of them and then you sighed. _**"I give up."**_

_**"Don't do it. I only said we shouldn't mess with Chewbacca. But then, I agree with your right to freedom of taste. Darren and his sushi won't beat you."**_ Chris winked at you and he gave you a high five, giggling softly along with you.

_**"What are you? Friends of a lifetime?"**_ Darren asked frowning, looking at you both.

_**"No need to be jealous, Darren."**_ Chris mocked him.

_**"Jealous my ass. I'm not jealous at all."**_ Darren shrugged, pretending to be indifferent.

_**"Yeah, right. Ask your face not to betray you."**_ You teased him.

_**"Screw both of you."**_ Darren said, looking away still frowning; but you couldn't tell if he was actually upset or if he was pretending it.

_**"Don't get mad, Dar."**_ You said grinning sweetly and you ran your fingers through his curls smoothly to then kiss his cheek kindly and grab his hands. _**"We're just joking, babe."**_

_**"I'm not mad."**_ Darren said softening his voice and looking at you fondly, caressing your hands with his thumbs.

_**"You're so hooked, Darren! And, girl, you have him in your pants."**_ Chris laughed out loud when he saw the whole situation. _**"It's unbelievable the goofy smile and face of Darren when you talk sweetly to him! Something tells me that you can get whatever you want whenever you want." **_Chris winked and laughed again, you chuckling slightly.

_**"Yeah, go ahead and make fun of me. I want to find out how you're gonna be when you get to be in love with someone."**_ Darren said looking fixedly at Chris with an amused smile. _**"Then, is gonna be my turn to make fun of you."**_

_**"Well, let's see then if you get to see me with a totally goofy expression on my face."**_ Chris challenged Darren playfully.

_**"Good day, lady and gentlemen. What can I do for you?"**_ A waiter wearing a black tux asked politely.

Darren, Chris and you were in a luxury restaurant, that you refused to go for half an hour, after hours you all were looking for some clothes to buy on Barney's. You were starving so there came a point when you didn't care where to go because you just wanted to eat something. It was a Japanese restaurant and everything was very weird for you because you had no idea what to order since you never tasted Japanese food before. All the foods seemed otherworldly food to you and you really didn't know what to order.

_**"For me sushi accompanied with an Alsatian Pinot Blanc wine." **_Darren ordered determined.

_**"Good choice, sir."**_ The waiter said politely and then he looked at Chris. _**"For you, sir?"**_

_**"For me it's gonna be Yaki Soba, same wine."**_ Chris said quietly, looking at the carte menu.

_**"Excellent choice. And for the lady?"**_ The waiter asked politely, looking at you with a smile on his face.

_**"Uhm, well..."**_ You babbled, looking at the carte menu very nervous and blushing. You had no idea what to order and those food names were totally weird, you didn't even know how to pronounce them. _**"Well, I..."**_

_**"Buta no Kakuni with green beans and boiled egg accompaniment for her, same wine"**_ Darren ordered for you and you looked at him frowning as he were speaking in alien language.

_**"Good choice, spicy and salty but sweet; for a risky person." **_The waiter said with a smile on his face, looking at you while you were looking at him a bit disturbed. _**"Be right back with the order."**_

As soon as the waiter walked away you looked at Darren frowning and still a bit disturbed, in silence. Chris and Darren looked at your face and they laughed out loud.

_**"What the hell is that butter kidney?"**_ You asked disturbed with wide eyes. _**"I don't like kidney."**_

_**"Buta no Kakuni, boo."**_ Darren laughed loudly. _**"It has nothing to do with butter or kidney."**_

_**"So what's that thing? I don't like bittersweet foods!"**_ You exclaimed, still disturbed and frowning. _**"Why has he said it's for a risky person? I'm not a risky person. What has he meant?"**_

_**"Calm down. It's actually a really tasty food." **_Darren said looking at you amused. _**"And you are a totally risky person. Otherwise, you wouldn't be dating me."**_

_**"I second that."**_ Chris affirmed nodding, also with an amused smile.

_**"I don't like all of this. What is that food?"**_ You asked suspiciously looking at them.

_**"You just eat it, you'll like it."**_ Darren said quietly.

_**"I won't eat it if I don't know what the hell is that shit." **_You grumbled, huffily.

_**"Darren, you were right. She curses just as much as you do. Outstanding."**_ Chris chuckled amused.

_**"Told you. And wait to spend a whole day with her. She's the queen of the curses."**_ Darren made fun of you, playfully. But you actually weren't in mood for jokes; you really didn't want to eat that food if you didn't know what it was.

_**"Enough! Just tell me what that weird food with weird name is. What is this place anyway? The odd corner of odd foods?"**_ You exclaimed in disbelief with eyes wide open and Darren and Chris burst out laughing.

_**"Gosh, you're so stubborn and annoying when you want!" **_Darren exclaimed raising his eyebrows and amused, and because you weren't in mood for jokes, you took it in a bad way.

_**"Screw you." **_You huffed, crossing your arms and frowning, serious.

"_**I think that the Snow White got mad at you, Darren."**_ Chris said whispering but loud enough so you could listen.

"_**Something never seen."**_ Darren whispered, raising his eyebrows. _**"Hey, it's just pork belly braised in a salty-sweet liquid made of ginger, sake, leek, anise and soy sauce. No big deal."**_

_**"But...I don't like bittersweet foods."**_ You said this time softening your voice because you realized you overreacted.

_**"But this is different, you'll like it. I'd never choose something disgusting for you; I know how fucking exquisite you're when is about food." **_Darren said, smiling amusingly again.

_**"Okay...but if I end up in the bathroom throwing up, it's gonna be your fault." **_You said, looking away with crossed arms.

_**"That's gross!"**_ Darren said, making a gesture of repulsion.

_**"Deal with it, Darren. You chose it for her."**_ Chris said joking.

_**"What are you doing here, Shorty? I never thought Japanese food was your type!"**_ You heard a very familiar voice behind you.

Matt was standing behind you with a warm and amused smile on his face, looking at you. But he wasn't alone; he was with Nick who was also looking at you with his sexy smile. Darren also turned around abruptly to see who the person who talked to you was. His amused and mocking face turned into a cheerless and distrustful face. Chris was just looking at you all, bewildered and slightly frowning; but then his eyes focused on Matt who was still looking at you with a nice smile.

_**"Matt!"**_ You exclaimed, standing up and hugging him tight. You felt how Chris was glancing at Darren in silence, but Darren couldn't take his eyes off Nick. _**"Hi, Nick!"**_ You greeted him with a slight smile.

_**"Hi gorgeous."**_ Nick greeted you with a slow kiss on your cheek and grabbing your arm, making you feel nervous because now Darren was totally serious and tense.

_**"Excuse me?"**_ Darren asked harshly, looking at Nick totally irked. Chris now looked at Darren raising his eyebrows and stunned.

_**"Yes?"**_ Nick asked quiet and politely, now looking at Darren and still grabbing your arm. Matt and you started to feel really uncomfortable now.

_**"I'd appreciate if you don't touch my girlfriend and if you stop calling her gorgeous."**_ Darren said harshly and looking at him furious.

_**"Why would I do that? It's not bad telling the truth."**_ Nick said still politely, but this time defiantly. You got even more nervous and you started blushing; while Chris was very stunned.

_**"Because if you don't do so I'm gonna punch your face."**_ Darren said intrepidly, looking at him roughly.

"_**Then you'll have to do so. I don't lie."**_ Nick said, still defiant.

"_**What are you proving me?"**_ Darren asked fiercely, raising an eyebrow and looking fixedly at Nick, this time standing up slowly.

_**"What if?"**_ Nick said provocative, getting closer to Darren, boldly.

_**"Don't mess with me nor with my girlfriend or you're gonna find me."**_ Darren said coldly and aggressively, making a fist and tensing his whole body.

_**"I won't stop talking to her only because you try to seem rude and badass because of your stupid jealousy. Come on, punch me." **_Nick provocatively challenged Darren, with a threatening tone, getting even closer. Darren madly pounced on Nick, grabbing him by the split neck of his shirt and tugging it fiercely. Darren was looking fixedly and angrily into Nick's eyes, tensing his jaw and gasping in rage; while Nick got shocked, raising his hands and raising his eyebrows, now looking at Darren a little more scared but still threateningly.

_**"Well guys!"**_ Chris exclaimed loudly, also standing up and stunned, terrified of what he was seeing. _**"Calm down, neither of us want to end up in a bad way. You're overreacting and it's not appropriate to behave this way here. You're mature men and you should solve your problems by talking."**_

_**"I agree with him."**_ Matt said looking at Chris and then to Darren and Nick, also disturbed but trying to seem reasonable and steady._** "Neither of you will get anything by attacking each other. It's senseless and immature." **_Matt said this time firmly and Chris looked fixedly at him, nodding in agreement.

But neither Darren nor Nick were listening. Now Nick also grabbed Darren by the split neck of his t-shirt, both of them looking at each other rabidly. Both of them caught the attention of some people around who were now muttering and gossiping; but they didn't notice it. Now Darren pushed Nick against a wall near there, still grabbing fiercely the split neck of Nick's shirt. Now you were feeling completely in shock, terrified and embarrassed, not to mention you were furious.

_**"Darren!"**_ You almost yelled, looking at him with teary eyes and jaundiced, in shock and disappointed of the situation.

When Darren heard your voice he turned around to look at you and to look all the people who were looking at them and murmuring. When he saw the disappointed expression on your face; he gulped and looked down, apparently regretful of what he'd done because now he freed Nick and he put his hands on his pockets, nervous.

_**"I can't believe this stupidity. What are both of you, ten? Do you realize the reason why you were reacting like this? It's lame and stupid. Cannot you behave like civilized men your age? This is madness, you two behaving aggressively and pathetically. In your whole life, haven't both of you learned that aggression gets you nowhere? Haven't you learned that violence is the last resort of the incompetent? What are you then? Incompetent and inept people? Goddamit!" **_You exclaimed completely angry, frowning in disbelief. In your whole life you had to deal with violence and this was the last you needed to see.

Now not only and Nick were looking at you, but also Chris and Matt and all the people who were muttering. They were looking at you gaping with a stunned expression on their faces. Maybe you overreacted but you didn't care because you were really upset and disappointed at them. Matt placed a hand on your shoulder and he leaned to whisper something in your ear.

_**"Calm down, Shorty."**_ Matt whispered softly and you looked at him incredulous and annoyed.

_**"I'm sorry, boo."**_ Darren said regretfully and distressingly, looking down. _**"I lost my temper."**_

_**"Why are you apologizing to me? You should apologize to Nick, Matt and Chris and all the people here who had to see your entire childish attitude."**_ You said, still upset and out of you. You actually were being rude.

_**"Yeah, you're right."**_ Darren said anguished and meek. _**"I'm sorry guys."**_ Darren said sorrowful, looking at Matt and Chris who just nodded. _**"I'm sorry, man."**_ Then Darren said looking at Nick, still rancorous but grieved.

_**"Yeah, I'm sorry too." **_Nick said, still a bit upset but contrite._** "And I'm sorry…girl." **_Nick emphasized, looking at you and then at Darren who looked away with a serious expression on his face.

_**"Good." **_You said shortly and then you stood there without knowing what to do and how to break the tense situation. You crossed your arms and walked away from them and from the table, to go to the restroom or someplace where you could calm down and shed all the tears you were holding as a result of this situation made you remember bad times in your past life.

_**"Wait, where are you going?" **_Darren said distressed and softly, grabbing your arm to stop you.

_**"To the restroom. Can I go to the restroom or would you think someone is gonna try to seduce me?" **_You answered coldly, more than you'd like it to sound. You knew it because you saw Darren's afflicted face even though he tried to hide it.

_**"No, you can go." **_Darren said woefully, looking down and letting out your arm.

_**"Okay." **_You said this time softening your voice because you were really stern with him.

You went to the restroom without looking behind and you locked in a toilet cubicle. Once there, you sat on the WC pan to shed all the tears you were holding back. You probably shouldn't be feeling this sad, you probably were overreacting; but it was inevitable. Darren and Nick weren't the reason why you were feeling like this, it was because it reminded you when your mother was violent with you and you hated that. You treated Darren and Nick really rude and harsh because of that; although what they'd done wasn't properly, they didn't deserve to be treated the way you did. Now you weren't feeling only upset and distressed, but also guilty. But how could you now come back and apologize to them after all you said? You couldn't be that cheeky. What would be happening now you weren't there? You ran away, trying to get away from that tense situation you couldn't handle and less knowing it was because of you. You didn't want to argue with Darren, but neither had you wanted to argue with Nick and Matt. You didn't want to argue with Nick because you didn't know him so well, but the most important reason was because he was Matt's friend; and both Matt and Darren were important people to you, you couldn't just choose one of them because it was stupid. One of them was your boyfriend and the other one was your best friend. And you were in the middle. Why couldn't this be easy? Why couldn't be everything all right? You needed to come back, but what would you say? What would you do? Leave or stay? Be with Darren and Chris or Matt and Nick? Was this a decision you had to make? Hesitant and unsure, you left the restroom after several minutes to walk towards the table where you were minutes ago. Something weird was happening now, something that got you stunned. Matt and Nick joined Darren and Chris on the table and all of them were talking peacefully. What the hell has happened there? How in earth it could have happened if minutes ago Darren and Nick almost wanted to kill each other? Cautiously and suspiciously you reached the table where all of them were. Matt and Chris were talking a lot about something you couldn't understand, very entertained and gaily and as if they were close friends. On the other hand, Darren and Nick were...talking politely? About Transformers? What the hell? Were everybody crazy or? In fact, something had happened while you weren't there and you wondered what. When you arrived, Darren looked up to you with a smile on his face, as if nothing had happened minutes before.

_**"Hey boo! C'mon, sit here."**_ Darren said cheerfully, making room for you to sit. You sat next to him, still looking at them suspiciously. _**"We were talking about the awesomeness of Optimus Prime. Did you know that Nick saw Transformers thirty times? He fucking beat me! Can you believe it?"**_

_**"No..."**_ You answered slowly, still looking at them bemused and frowning.

_**"Yeah...And Darren and I share the love for sushi! I told him this is my fave place, where you can find..." **_Nick started to say also cheerfully. _**"The best sushi in world!"**_ Nick and Darren exclaimed joyfully in unison and they laughed out loud.

_**"Okay. What's going on here?"**_ You finally asked totally bewildered and curious.

_**"What do you mean?"**_ Darren asked frowning slightly, still smiling brightly.

_**"Minutes ago everything was fucked up and now...this?"**_ You asked frowning.

_**"What do you mean by this?"**_ Nick asked, also frowning and smiling.

_**"Don't play dumb. Now you seem as if you were super friends or something."**_ You exclaimed puzzled.

_**"Well, we had a little talk and all is cool now."**_ Darren said easeful and shrugging and Nick nodded.

"_**You didn't do it! Oh dear!"**_ Chris suddenly exclaimed loudly, laughing out loud; you, Darren and Nick looked at Chris and Matt who were talking enthusiastically, really enthusiastically. Darren, Nick an you exchanged confidential glances and the three of you chuckled softly and amused. They didn't realize this because they were talking really entertained, not knowing what was happening around them.

_**"Do we all agree we have to do something about them both?"**_ Darren whispered, so only you and Nick could hear.

_**"Oh hell, I do agree."**_ You whispered, giggling roguishly.

_**"I do!"**_ Nick exclaimed in a whisper, amused and mischievous.

_**"So this is the plan. We need to get a date for them. The question is how."**_ Darren whispered, thoughtful.

_**"What if we take their phones, asking each other to have a date?"**_ Nick proposed, also thoughtful.

_**"It'd be very risky. It has to be something more...spontaneous."**_ Darren whispered still thoughtful.

_**"What if they join us tonight?"**_ You proposed in a whisper.

_**"Hey, it could work."**_ Darren said looking at you amazed and raising his eyebrows. _**"You genius! You could ask Matt to join you, because you don't want to go to the event alone, because it'd be crowded and I'd be probably a bit busy then you don't want to be alone. Yeah, it's magnificent."**_

_**"Wait, what? What are you talking about? Event? Why would you be busy? Darren, where exactly are we going tonight?" **_You asked mixed-up, and Darren got a bit edgy. Apparently, he blundered by mentioning something apparently shouldn't have mentioned.

_**"Nothing, forget it."**_ Darren whispered nervous and frowning. _**"We're just going...somewhere. Just tell that to Matt; tell him to go to your place at 7pm, with a tux and very natty because I'm gonna pick you up and you don't want to go alone to somewhere I was going to take you. Convince him."**_

_**"Darren, he'd say I should go alone because apparently it's a date, although I'm not sure now. It'd be bad if he's in the middle of our date."**_ You whispered frowning.

_**"Crap, you're right."**_ Darren grumbled. _**"Well, tell him and Nick if they could accompany you, because we're going to a party or something and you don't want to go alone because all my friends are gonna be there or shit like that."**_

_**"It sounds a good plan."**_ Nick nodded. _**"But why do we have to wear a tux? And honestly man, I wouldn't want to be there messing with you all."**_

_**"Bullshit! You could bring a friend. Just wear a tux because...it's something...well, a place where you have to wear a tux."**_ Darren whispered, now trying to convince Nick.

_**"Fine, I'm in."**_ Nick whispered.

_**"Awesome, man! What about you, boo? Would you tell Matt so?"**_ Darren asked, looking deeply into your eyes.

_**"I don't know...where are we going? I don't even know it."**_ You whispered frowning.

_**"Forget it, it's a surprise and I won't tell you. Just tell that to Matt and I'm gonna tell that to Chris, to join me to this alleged party."**_ Darren whispered, sounding persuasive.

_**"Okay, okay. I'm in."**_ You whispered and all of you giggled softly in conspiracy.

_**"We got this. Chris and Matt, welcome to this world."**_ Darren chuckled mischievously.

* * *

"_**I'm not going."**_ Matt said hours ago, when you and Nick were alone in your apartment after you had a good lunch in that Japanese restaurant.

"_**Why not, Matt?"**_ You asked him for the fourth time, once you proposed him to go to that alleged party with you.

_**"Because this is something between you and Darren. I wouldn't go there as the party pooper or something. I don't know anybody there." **_Matt said frowning, a bit annoyed because of your insistence.

_**"Matt, I don't know anybody there as well. Come on, Matty!"**_ You looked at him with a sweet look, almost begging him.

_**"But it's different, because you're Darren's girlfriend. And I'm nothing of Darren, he barely knows me, not to mention the way he used to look at me. Scary! No way, I'm not going, I'm sorry Shorty."**_ Matt said softly raising an eyebrow.

_**"Matt, please! That happened a long time ago because he didn't know you were gay. Besides, Nick is going too. I talked to him already and he accepted. Right Nick?"**_ You said, trying to sound convincing, looking at Nick to get some help from him. This wasn't being as easy as you thought it'd be.

_**"That's right, Matt. It's been a long since the last time we went to a party. It'd be fun, I don't get why you don't want to go. Look at me, I'm going to the party and minutes ago I almost beat up on Darren. Do it for her, not for Darren."**_ Nick said quietly, also trying to sound convincing and you smiled thankfully at him.

_**"Well...I don't know. This seems a pretty chic and exclusive party. I wouldn't feel comfortable being there. Damn, we need to use a tux, what kind of party is that? They're gonna kick our asses as soon as they see us. We aren't in that socioeconomic level."**_ Matt said frowning, a bit disgruntled.

_**"That's shit, Matt! I'm not in that socioeconomic level as well, but if they have to kick asses; then I'd need you to not be alone in that moment. Please! I don't wanna go alone, I'd be so bored and lonely because surely Darren is gonna be with all his friends or whatever."**_ You begged, looking at Matt desperate.

_**"No, I don't know...and what would Darren think if he sees we're going with you? Probably he wouldn't like the idea. I don't want to get into troubles."**_ Matt said shaking his head, insecure and faltering.

_**"But I already talked to Darren about this. He's fine with this, he told me is a good idea and that he'd be glad to see you at the party."**_ You said, this time resolute and persuasive, pulling out all your charming.

_**"Are you telling me the truth?"**_ Matt asked hesitant. You were getting this, you finally were convincing him.

_**"Of course, Matt. What kind of person do you think I am? Do you really think I'd invite you unbeknownst to Darren? Of course not! I wouldn't want Darren to look at you in a bad way. He finally understood you're my best friend and he's fine with that; he's not a bad person Matt."**_ You said charmingly and persuasive.

_**"I know he isn't. But... Really? He's fine with the fact of us going to that party? Won't he think we're gonna screw your date with him?"**_ Matt said still unsure, but more hooked now.

_**"Is not a date, is a party, Matt! And I'm gonna tell you his words."**_ You said with a smile, still charmingly. _**"I'd be glad if you bring them to the party. After all, they're your friends and they're important to you, therefore I want to know them more and try to get along with them. If this important to you, I'd fucking do it; and what's better to start this in a cool party? I think is a totally awesome idea!" **_You said, pretending Darren's excited voice and the movements he does with his hands when he talks; and this made Matt and Nick laugh out loud.

"_**Alright, you got me. I'm going to the party."**_ Matt finally said, giving up and still laughing.

Now the three of you were at your apartment, talking and waiting for Darren to pick you up to go to the party. You also invited April, so Nick wouldn't be alone in case it comes a moment when you and Darren and Matt and Chris get to be alone. That day you got to know Nick even more; he was a nice and friendly guy, very funny and smart; in some ways he made you remind to Darren, they had a lot in common, not physically but personally. It was funny the way you liked him very quickly, but not more than only in a friendly way. You were excited for tonight, not only because this was a whole surprise for you considering you didn't even know where you were going and if there was going to be more people or not; but because of Matt and Chris. They spent the whole lunch time talking enthusiastically, laughing and joking together; they barely talked to Darren, Nick or you. They seemed to like each other and, as you knew so far, Chris was single and also Matt. Maybe your plan to get a date for the two of them was going to fail, but you needed to try it; after all, they could be a nice couple. You giggled inside when you thought about Matt and Chris being a couple, it'd be super weird but adorable. And of course neither Matt nor Chris knew about your plan, this made the situation even more exciting. Suddenly you heard the bell of your apartment ringing and you got nervous. Why were you feeling nervous? It was everything. You opened the front door and there was Darren, looking completely flawless with the tux he bought in the morning. His hair was smoothly curled and tidily messed up and he looked really dapper with his bright smile. Gosh, Darren was really gorgeous and sexy. He leaned to kiss your lips with that dazzling smile and you could smell his perfume.

_**"Mmm, Rain by Marc Jacobs."**_ You whispered in front of his lips with pleasure and Darren chuckled.

_**"Points for you."**_ Darren giggled and he stepped back, grabbing your hands, to look at your entire body. _**"Whoa! You look stunning. No doubts people are gonna envy me."**_

_**"What? Is there gonna be more...?"**_ You started to ask but Darren interrupted you with a kiss.

_**"Don't worry about it. Ready to go?"**_ Darren asked nicely, looking at you and then at your friends who were still sitting in your couch.

You all left your apartment and walked outside. Damn it was very cold. Darren noticed you were freezing because you were wearing a short black silk dress and he wrapped an arm around you. Then you saw a black Hummer H2 super stretch limousine with tinted windows parked in front of your apartment, and you were walking to that direction. What the hell? Why were you going to go in a stretch limousine? Maybe you were going in fact to a party, a very luxurious one. You didn't like this idea very much, you didn't feel comfortable traveling in a stretch limousine; but also this was going to be the first time you were going to travel in a stretch limousine, so you were a bit excited, you wondered how it'd look like inside. Apparently, Matt, Nick and April also were uncomfortable, because they were walking slowly and unsure to the stretch limousine. Darren finally stood in front of the stretch limousine and he opened the door as a gentleman. Nick and April went first, followed by Matt. Then you got inside followed by Darren. Goddammit, that was amazing! No joke it was very spacious and it seemed a living room. It had leather sofas, TV, VCR, CD stereo system, a moonroof/sunroof, crystal decanter and glasses and a wet bar.

_**"First time in a stretch limousine, guys? Is totally cool, isn't it?" **_Darren said, closing the door. Of course it was your first time, because all of you had eyes wide open looking around.

_**"Oh lord. This...goddammit."**_ You exclaimed, still stunned and Darren laughed softly.

"_**I know; this shit is totally awesome. I can't get used of this. I still have the need to lark around here."**_ Darren said smiling amused. _**"Okay, we're going to pick someone else and then we're going to that place I won't say where is. Does somebody want something to drink?"**_

_**"Hell yeah. If we're here, we have to take advantage."**_ Matt answered, still stunned looking around.

_**"I agree."**_ April said, giggling softly.

_**"Yes, for me."**_ Nick answered, also stunned.

_**"No, thanks."**_ You answered serious and Darren looked at you, raising his eyebrows. _**"Who am I kidding?"**_

_**"That's what I thought."**_ Darren mocked and laughed, standing up to get some drinks.

You talked pertly and drank your drinks until you arrived to some hotel. Maybe this was the hotel where Chris was staying. You wondered how would be Matt's reaction once he sees Chris joining you. Darren texted Chris and minutes later, he got inside the stretch limo. As you predicted, Matt opened widely his eyes, raising his eyebrows in surprise; you didn't ignore the goofy smile Matt had on his face. Chris also got surprised when he saw there weren't only you; and when his eyes fixed on Matt, he also smiled goofily. Darren, Nick, April and you exchanged glances again, smiling in conspiracy. Maybe your plan was going to work.

_**"I thought you were bringing only your girlfriend, Darren."**_ Chris said, still smiling and glancing at Matt. Gosh, you had to do a big effort to not to laugh. _**"I'm really glad you all are here."**_ Chris said politely and all of your friends greeted him nodding their faces, all of them except Matt who also smiled brightly.

_**"Yeah, it's gonna be funnier this way, don't you think Chris?"**_ Darren said smiling amused and he winked at you on the sly, making you giggle softly. _**"Come on, sit over there."**_ Darren pointed intentionally to where Matt was sitting. Matt got a bit nervous and he nodded, making room for Chris. Chris, without hesitation, sat next to Matt.

"_**Hi, it's nice to see you again. I hope this time you went to the bathroom before."**_ Chris told Matt, laughing happily and Matt laughed out loud. Apparently they were joking about something they talked in the restaurant.

_**"I did. But it'd have been funny if not. Maybe it'd be my rematch to make it right." **_Matt laughed and Chris looked at him amused. Nick, April, Darren and you were in silence just looking at them amused and drinking your drinks, exchanging glances.

_**"Don't worry. Someday I'm gonna help you to find that security guard and we're gonna fool him, so he won't mess with you and your pee."**_ Chris laughed, looking at Matt fervently. That was a big step, good for Chris!

_**"Would you help me to find that security guard even though it means the destruction of your dignity because you're gonna appear in the news as the badass boy?"**_ Matt giggled amused, also looking at Chris fervently. Well, this was going faster than you thought.

_**"I would. For you and your pee." **_Chris laughed and winked. They were loosely flirting in a humorous way. Darren, Nick, April and you now exchanged amazed glances.

_**"Well then, I'll take your words."**_ Matt said, winking at Chris and giggling.

_**"What took us a damn long time; they're doing it almost at the speed of light. Holy crap, they won't beat around the bush."**_ Darren chuckled and whispered in your ear and you giggled along with him.

_**"Do you think our plan is gonna work?"**_ You whispered in Darren's ear.

_**"Fuck yeah. They're kinda undressing each other with their eyes, they're totally ogling."**_ Darren whispered amused in your ear. _**"Look, look, look!"**_ Darren nudged you stealthily.

Matt and Chris were laughing out loud, apparently because one of them said something funny, but they weren't only laughing. While they were laughing, Matt placed a hand on Chris's shoulder and Chris placed his hand on his. Well, the touching started and apparently they didn't notice or didn't mind all of you were looking at them. Could it be? Could they be flirting because they really like each other? Could it really happen? Matt has been single for so long and he really needed someone; not maybe to have a boyfriend, but yes someone to share some kind of moments, like going out with someone he likes, to feel how it feels to have a date. It was weird if this person would be Chris Colfer; and it'd be even weirder if Matt gets a date with Chris considering Matt was your best friend, Chris was a close friend of Darren, and you were Darren's girlfriend. But you had to let things flow its way. Who knows? Maybe you'd end up having double dates, or not; you'd have to wait to see it.

Finally the stretch limo stopped. You tried to look outside to see where you were because you were really anxious and intrigued, but you couldn't see anything. Darren and Chris smiled brightly while your friends also tried to look outside. Darren looked at all of you and smiled amused because of your faces of intrigue and hesitation.

_**"Well guys, we arrived. Are you ready to go out there?"**_ Darren said mysteriously, smiling brightly and raising an eyebrow. You all nodded in silence, not sure of going out there. _**"Awesome. Now a little advice, guys: chill out, smile always and have fun!"**_

Chris was the first to get out of the stretch limo, followed by Matt. You still couldn't see anything because you were sitting in a very unwise angle, but you heard a lot of voices when Chris opened the door and it freaked you out a bit. Then Nick and April got out of the stretch limo. When you were about to get out, Darren stopped you by grabbing your hand. You were nervous for some reason because really you could hear a lot of voices cheering and you couldn't tell why people would be cheering in a restaurant. But...Were you going to a restaurant? Darren never mentioned you a restaurant, you only assumed it because it'd be the most reasonable place to go. Suddenly you started to doubt, getting more nervous. Where were you actually?

_**"Hey boo. Before going out there, I want to tell you some things."**_ Darren said, placing both of his hands on yours, smiling fondly.

_**"Okay. You could start by telling me where we are."**_ You said, evidently a bit nervous and completely anxious, and Darren laughed softly.

_**"It doesn't matter where we are; the important thing is that we're together here to have a totally awesome time in this kind of date-event."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes and you remained silent. _**"Maybe at first, when we get out of this limo, you're gonna freak out a bit. But you have to remember you're with me and we're here because this a special occasion so we need to rock it. When we get out of the limo, just smile and be as charming as you always are. Get it?"**_

_**"Darren, you're freaking the hell out of me. Why do you give me all those advices? I'm starting to think I won't like the place we're going."**_ You said, now scared.

_**"You'll like it."**_ Darren smiled but you were tense in silence, so Darren placed his hands on your shoulders and squeezed them reassuringly. _**"Chill out and enjoy this moment. I love you."**_ Darren whispered and leaned to kiss your lips sweetly. _**"Now let's get out of this shit and let's go rock this!"**_

Darren got out of the stretch limo and he stood in front the door to give you his hand to help you to get out the limo. Holy shit. You felt how your heart started to beat really fast when you saw that you were in a crowded place. But it wasn't any ordinary crowded place; you were in an important event full of celebrities, you were actually standing on the red carpet. More specifically, you were in the People's Choice Awards and all the cheers you were hearing, were the cheers from fans that were around, behind the velvet roped stanchions. A lot of people looked in your direction and they started to cheer even louder, screaming Darren's name; a lot of cameras started to take pictures of Darren and you, all the flashes were blinding you and you felt extremely dizzy, overwhelmed and obfuscated. You were really freaking out and you really didn't want to be there. How could Darren do this to you? How couldn't he tell you about this? This was a big deal and you weren't ready for this, you couldn't handle this situation and your feelings. He should've warned you, that way maybe in this moment you wouldn't be panicking. You stood there, unable to move; you didn't know where to go, where to look, in short what to do. Chris, Matt, Nick and April were ahead of you; your friends were also tense but they were walking and smiling. Darren started to smile at the cameras and to greet people by shaking his hand, but then he turned around when he noticed you weren't following him. He walked towards you and you just looked around in shock with squinty eyes because of the flashes of the cameras. Darren placed his hands on your arms and squeezed them reassuringly.

_**"You're trembling."**_ Darren whispered, looking at you. Of course your whole body was trembling because you were totally freaking out. _**"Chill out, is not that bad. You're gonna get used soon."**_

_**"I can't do this. Why did you do this to me, Darren? I wanna go away."**_ You said with trembling voice and with pop-eyed.

_**"Yes, you can do this."**_ Darren said reassuringly, caressing your arms. _**"I wanted to bring you as my special guest. If you still wanna be my girlfriend, I'm gonna bring you with me always; because I want to share all of these moments with you. And sooner or later, people are gonna find out you're my girlfriend, so it's not gonna be weird if you come with me to these events. You knew that sooner or later this was going to happen and I want you to feel comfortable."**_

_**"But you should've warned me, Darren! It's not like this is an ordinary thing and I'm not used at these things. This is something completely new for me and I'm not ready yet. It's not time yet for this."**_ You said, looking down and trying to breathe normally.

_**"Then when is gonna be the right time?"**_ Darren asked frowning, almost desperate. _**"This is the right time. We're here now and everything is gonna be fine. I understand this is new for you and that's why you're scared. And if we postpone this, you'll feel as scared as now, because all the new things you do are frightening. But this feeling is at first, and then you'll feel good. And you're with me, so there's no reason to be afraid, because I won't leave you behind."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes.

_**"It's easy to say. But I can't even focus my eyes at some point, I don't know what to do, I can't walk. This is a disaster."**_ You said, still freaking out and trembling.

_**"Let's do something. We're gonna walk over there."**_ Darren pointed you to the end of the red carpet where you could see a huge door. _**"This is what's gonna happen in our way: a lot of cameras are gonna take pictures and they're gonna suffocate you with flashes, some people are gonna stop me to interview me and I'm gonna have to stop and talk a little, the crowd still is gonna cheer out loud and they're gonna ask for some autographs, people I know are gonna stop me to greet me and more shit like that."**_

_**"What a way to calm me, Darren!"**_ You said, even more shocked and freaked out.

_**"This is what's gonna happen, I can't change it."**_ Darren said shrugging. "_**But this is how we're gonna handle this: I'm gonna hold your hand and you're gonna walk next to me all the time; you're gonna chill out because you're with me; you're gonna smile as bright as you always do when the cameras take pictures of you and there may come a time when you're gonna get used at the flashes; when people ask me for autographs, you're gonna stand next to me, just looking at them relaxed; when people stop me to interview me, you're gonna be with me, holding hands while they interview me, they're gonna ask who you are and I'm gonna say you're my girlfriend; when people I know stop me to greet me, I'm gonna introduce you and we're gonna talk to them. And if you feel lost, just forget where you are and all the people who are around and just focus on being with me. If you don't know where to look, just look around but at no one in particular, look toward the horizon. If you don't know what to do, just follow me and I'm gonna guide you. If you can't walk, I'm gonna help you and I'm gonna lead you. I want to include you on this, I want you to feel part of this so you can enjoy this moment. Easy and simple as that. What do you say?"**_

_**"Do I have any options?"**_ You asked frowning, still freaking out but trying to relax.

_**"No, you don't. Actually, you do. You can choose to screw all your fears and choose to rock this shit to have a totally awesome and organic moment. So...?" **_Darren said smiling brightly and showing you his hand.

_**"I hate you." **_You giggled softly and you grabbed his hand.

_**"I love you too."**_ Darren joked and he pecked your lips.

Damn. A lot of cameras started to take more pictures of you and the people around broke out, exclaiming a lot of things you couldn't understand. Was that a good or bad sign? You got edgy again, but Darren held your hand tight and squeezed it reassuringly. You tried to follow hi advices and you just smiled and focused your gaze at nowhere, forgetting where you were and all eyes aimed at you. Darren led you, holding hands. This was extremely weird. All that Darren told you that was going to happen happened; but as you were walking on the red carpet, holding hands with Darren, you started to feel more comfortable and relaxed. Of course, some people were looking at you stunned and bewildered, some people were looking at you uneasily and in discomfort, and some people were looking at you with a big smile and cheerfully. But you didn't mind, because you were here because of Darren, because he wanted you to be with him, because he wanted to make you feel part of this. When people interviewed him, Darren introduced you formally, making some jokes as he always does. They interviewed you as well and surprisingly, for you and for him, you answered their questions in a jaunty and jovial way, also joking. Now Darren was looking at you proudly and very amazed, with a huge smile on his face. As he said, people he knew stopped him to greet him and he introduced you; and you also talked to them jauntily and graciously. Darren now was looking at you frowning and smiling brightly, stunned because of your perkiness and breeziness. He never let go your hand and when the cameras were taking pictures of you both, Darren hugged you, making some funny faces as you also did; and when you also did those funny faces Darren looked at you even more stunned. And after all of this, you finally arrived to that huge door and you got into the building.

"_**What the hell was that?"**_ Darren asked dumbfounded, looking at you with wide eyes; when you were already inside the building. There were some people, but not as many as outside.

"_**What do you mean?"**_ You asked looking at him a bit amused.

_**"Not that you were freaking out? Not that you didn't know where to look, what to say, what to do?"**_ Darren asked still dumbfounded, raising his eyebrows.

_**"Did I do something wrong? Did I suck?"**_ You asked, this time frowning and looking at him serious.

_**"Fuck, no! Out there you were...whoa!"**_ Darren exclaimed raising his eyebrows with a big smile and flabbergasted. _**"You were fucking flawless! I'm...damn! I'm so fucking dazzled!"**_

_**"Oh come on, Darren. You're overreacting."**_ You said, blushing a bit and looking down. He was flattering you way too much.

_**"No, hell no! You shone out there! You were so jaunty, sassy and confident, you kicked asses out there! Talking unabashedly, joking wittily, smiling brightly, and making facetious faces, walking graciously and sensually. You were like a fucking shining star! You have no idea how damn stunned people got by looking at you!" **_Darren said fast, exaggerating all his gestures and exclaiming out loud.

_**"Darren, it's not so like that."**_ You said frowning, still blushing because all of his flattery for you.

_**"Yes, it is! Dammit! Can't you see how fucking amazing you are? It's not easy to be there for the first time and you did it fucking perfect! I'm so stunned and so proud of you!"**_ Darren exclaimed joyfully, placing his hands on your cheeks and looking at you deeply before kissing your lips.

"_**Thank you. I tried to do my best, but I was really freaking out."**_ You confessed.

"_**Well, trust me. No one could notice it, shining star."**_ Darren smiled and winked at you, holding your hand. _**"Let's go sit, where Chris and the guys are."**_

You nodded, feeling for the first time in your life completely flattered and happy. You could do it although you were freaking out. This meant more than Darren thought it meant; for you it meant that you were able to defeat your fears, that you could do it even though it seemed rough. And now you were feeling weird, as if that thing people call self-confidence started to grow into you. And it wasn't a bad feeling, it wasn't a shameful and selfish feeling; it was a good feeling, as if everything seemed more bright and beautiful now.

* * *

_ONE WEEK LATER…_

* * *

_**"I don't wanna sound impertinent and presumptuous. But..."**_ Chris whispered at you at some time in the night of the People's Choice Awards event, when you were alone.

_**"Oh please, just tell me. I won't think that of you."**_ You whispered looking at him with a smile, reassuringly.

_**"Well, I was wondering if you could give me Matt's phone number."**_ Chris whispered, apparently a bit uncomfortable and shy. It was weird to see Chris that way because every time you saw him on TV he seemed really self-confident.

_**"Oh! It's that! It's not a big deal, no need to feel ashamed."**_ You said smiling brightly and you grabbed your phone to look for Matt's phone number. _**"Alright, here it is."**_

_**"Thank you a lot!"**_ Chris said, this time smiling joyfully.

_**"You like him, don't you?"**_ You looked at Chris curious, with an amused smile on his face.

_**"Well..."**_ Chris shifted uncomfortable, maybe you shouldn't ask him that. _**"Could you keep a secret?"**_ Chris whispered and you felt relaxed.

_**"Hell yeah."**_ You said smiling widely.

_**"I kinda like him. He's funny and he seems a good person. And he's really handsome. And it's really embarrassing telling this to his best friend."**_ Chris said raising his eyebrows and shaking his head while you laughed out loud.

_**"Don't think about it, my lips are sealed. And to make you feel relaxed, he likes you too."**_ You winked at Chris with a smile and Chris's eyes twinkled in a matter of a second.

Since you had this secret conversation with Chris that night, Matt and Chris started to text each other every day. Your plan has succeeded. They even had a date alone; although nothing had happened, it was a huge progress. They really seemed to like each other and you were absurdly happy for them, both of them were extraordinary people. And you remembered perfectly what Matt told you the first time Chris texted him.

_**"You won't believe who texted me!"**_ Matt exclaimed excited.

_**"I think I can't read minds yet."**_ You said shrugging, pretending to be curious, even though you knew which was going to be his answer.

_**"Chris texted me, Shroty! Chris!"**_ Matt bounced in happiness. _**"He got my phone number somehow and we've been texting a lot!"**_

_**"Really?"**_ You asked, pretending to be astonished but feeling amused inside. _**"What did he text you?"**_

_**"I don't know, stuff. We talk a lot, about everything! It's amazing, he's amazing!" **_Matt smiled widely, evidently really chipper.

_**"You like him, don't you?"**_ You asked Matt the same question that you asked at Chris.

_**"He's a cool guy. Who am I kidding? He's completely amazing! And his eyes...he's stunning!"**_ Matt said with a weird face, probably remembering Chris's face. _**"And he's really funny and witty. We can talk about a lot of things."**_

_**"So...Would you like to have like a date with him or do you just like him in a friendly way?" **_You asked, more daring and looking at Matt expectantly.

_**"I have no idea. I'm feeling really weird, Shorty. I never felt this way before." **_Matt said frowning, but still with a goofy smile.

_**"I think someone is falling in love!"**_ You giggled and winked at Matt.

_**"Damn. Maybe I am."**_ Matt giggled goofily, with a radiant smile.

Matt also really liked Chris; you could notice it because every time you talked about Chris he had a goofy smile on his face. You were happy for Matt, because he deserved a good person to love and be loved, and Chris seemed the perfect person for him. And when they had their first date, he was extremely happy, he really seemed in love. You even talked to April about this.

_**"Matt is being unbearable! The name Chris is spinning in my mind."**_ April giggled amused.

_**"I know right? He's talking about Chris all the time."**_ You giggled along with April.

_**"Oh yes! I never saw Matt this way. Chris seems to be a good influence on him."**_ April smiled gladly.

_**"I think the same. He really seems in love. And I think Chris is in love as well. I hope this can work for the two of them."**_ You smiled happily.

_**"Oh god! Imagine Matt holding hands in a public even full of celebrities with Chris! That'd be hilarious! Picture Matt's face, smiling to the cameras and feeling proud. Oh god, oh god! Imagine Matt with his clumsiness, falling in middle of the red carpet!"**_ April mocked, laughing out loud.

_**"I'm picturing it! Oh damn, I need to see it! God, this is awesome."**_ You burst out laughing.

_**"Chris doesn't know with what he's going to have to deal."**_ April laughed amused.

_**"I agree. But anyway, I think they match perfectly."**_

_**"I think exactly the same."**_ April nodded with a bright smile.

Even though April was mocking Matt, she was really happy to see his cousin so in love with someone. She always tried to find someone to Matt, but she always thought no one was really worthy for her awesome cousin, but now there was Chris; and she thought Chris was the right person for him. You both were expectant to see what was going to happen with Chris and Matt. Even Nick was expectant, you remembered what he texted you the day before the date.

From Nick:** I think our plan worked. But I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing.**

To Nick:** Are you regretting it?**

From Nick:** Kind of. If you knew what Matt asked me...**

To Nick**: Oh god. I'm thinking a lot of things, some of them are inappropriate things.**

From Nick:** If you're thinking something related to sex, relax. He didn't ask me that. But how the hell am I supposed to know what he could wear in his first date and what he should bring to give to Chris?**

To Nick:** I think Matt found the perfect person who can give him some advices!**

From Nick:** Not funny. He's drilling my mind with Chris! And I never thought he could be so perfectionist to choose what clothes to wear in a simple date! He's driving me crazy!**

To Nick:** Thanks God I'm not you! You're gonna do a good job! Ha-ha.**

From Nick:** Next time, I'm gonna tell him to ask you all these things, you'll see. I only hope this go good or I'm gonna kill him.**

To Nick:** Is gonna go good. He's in love!**

You all were happy because your plan worked and now you were mocking of it. You never thought it could go so fast. You and Darren also talked about this, one afternoon after one of his shows on Broadway, lying in bed because he was a bit tired.

_**"Chris is so fucking hooked, man!"**_ Darren exclaimed, snuggling up to you.

_**"Oh tell me!"**_ You exclaimed excited and curious.

_**"All our conversations are based in Matt this, Matt that. Man, he's gonna dig a hole in the shape of Matt's face to get there and never get out."**_ Darren exclaimed, raising his eyebrows and amused and you laughed out loud.

_**"Really? I can't believe our plan worked."**_ You said smiling proudly.

_**"Not only worked, it's going way too fast. Crap, they don't waste their time. I have the feeling that soon Matt is going to become a regular visitor in the set." **_Darren said frowning, but amused. _**"And how's Matt about this?"**_

_**"Matt is so fucking hooked as well. If you could see his totally goofy smile every time he thinks of Chris. It's hilarious."**_ You chuckled and Darren looked at you amused.

_**"What the hell have we done?"**_ Darren laughed and so you did.

Now, that day, you and Darren invited Chris and Matt to join you. Darren had a free weekend and you decided to spend it in Lake George. Although it wasn't so far from NYC, you never went there, and Darren said it was beautiful and it was perfect to relax. Of course Matt and Chris accepted your invitation, they both wanted to spend all the time they could together and this was perfect for them, because you were going to travel to some quiet place where they'd be able to feel free and comfortable. Their relationship made you remind how your relationship with Darren was at first; always trying to hide it, to be alone and at peace and not to be interrupted by any fan.

You were excited because you loved going somewhere with Darren and lately you didn't have the time to do it. You didn't actually mind where you were going; all you cared about was to spend time with him. So that morning, you packed all your stuff and Darren drove to Matt's place and Chris's place to pick them and drive to Lake George where you were going to spend all the weekend.

_**"And where are we going to stay there?"**_ Chris asked after an hour Darren was driving.

_**"I have it planned. I brought some blankets, we're gonna spread out the blankets on the ground and we're gonna sleep in the open. As real and badass Boy Scouts. When we're hungry, I brought some blowguns to hunt and we're gonna cook with a campfire. If we want to get a shower, well, let's be organic and let's shower on the lake, what a gift from Mother Nature! If we want to pee or poop, let's go find a tree and instead toilet paper we're gonna use some maple leaves. We're gonna brush our teeth with sap and we're gonna drink water from the lake. It's gonna be unforgettable, I wanted to do something eccentric and quirky. Hope you guys don't mind."**_ Darren said conclusively, shrugging while still driving. You looked Chris's face from the rearview mirror, and you giggled of his horror face.

_**"You cannot be serious, come on, Darren."**_ Chris said, suspiciously.

_**"Why not? Hey, you know me; you know I love doing weird things. You should have expected something like this from me. I don't like ordinary trips, those are boring. I'm adventurous and I love experience new things all the time. What? Are you going to tell me you don't like the idea?"**_ Darren asked serious.

_**"Of course I don't like that idea. I don't wanna die yet."**_ Chris said scared now he noticed Darren was serious and you giggled inside. Matt was quiet and looking at you amused.

_**"Die? Come on, Chris! Don't be a party pooper! You need to be risky and stop behaving so properly all the time. If you don't take risks now, when are you gonna do it? This is the time, when we're young, goddammit! It's gonna be fun."**_ Darren said persuasively.

_**"No way. I'm not like you, Darren. You can enjoy being eccentric and risky and all that. But I do not. I won't survive there."**_ Chris grumbled frowning.

_**"Shit, that's all shit, Chris! Show your boy how risky and spontaneous you can be."**_ Darren mocked, winking and smiling mischievously. This time you couldn't hold back your giggle and Chris blushed a little. Darren made Chris blush! That was funny.

_**"Come on, Chris. We're gonna have a good time after all. I can hunt for you, if you don't want."**_ Matt said to Chris, smiling amused and flirting.

_**"Yeah, you better. You should give me your blanket too."**_ Chris mocked this time.

_**"I'd rather to share it with you."**_ Matt winked and Chris raised an eyebrow amused. Once again, Darren and you were witnessing a scene of flirtation.

_**"They're wankier than us."**_ Darren whispered at you, giggling softly.

_**"Excuse me? You're the wanky one. I'm a harmless girl."**_ You whispered, raising your eyebrow.

_**"Yeah, sure."**_ Darren said sarcastically, amused.

_**"What did it mean, Mr. Criss?"**_ You asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at him mischievously.

_**"I don't like that look. Don't you dare...I'm driving!"**_ Darren exclaimed when he glanced at you. Matt and Chris were busy flirting and they weren't looking at you, so maybe you could do something...

_**"Why not? I'm just looking at you."**_ You said saucily, looking at him mischievously and smiling naughtily.

_**"I know you, way too much." **_Darren warned you, glancing at you and then focusing his sight on the road repeatedly.

_**"And what do you think I'm going to do?"**_ You said, still looking at him naughtily and now placing a hand on his inner thigh.

_**"Exactly that, what you did when we went to Dockweiler Beach. Stop it, or we're gonna crash and besides Matt and Chris are in the back seat!" **_Darren exclaimed, getting nervous while you were rubbing his inner thigh and smiling naughtily.

_**"They're so focused on flirting, they won't see us."**_ You whispered in his ear seductively and Darren shivered. _**"Too bad you don't like this."**_ You whispered again in his ear, pouting, before you sucked his earlobe, still rubbing your hand on Darren's inner thigh.

_**"Goddammit!"**_ Darren moaned softly, trying to focus his sight on the road and remain quiet. _**"If you keep doing this, I'll be forced to stop the car and then you're not gonna be safe." **_

_**"I'm not scared."**_ You whispered in his ear and kissed Darren's neck, this time placing your hand on his crotch, rubbing it.

_**"Enough!" **_Darren moaned softly and he parked the car on the hard shoulder of the highway.

As soon as he stopped the car, he leaned quickly to place one of his hands on your jawline to kiss your lips fiercely, placing his other hand on your inner thigh. You got stunned by his reaction. Matt and Chris now stopped flirting to see why Darren stopped the car and when they find out the reason, they looked at you both astonished but amused.

_**"No time for sex now, guys. This way we're not gonna arrive to our destiny."**_ Chris mocked and he and Matt laughed. Darren stopped kissing you, panting and titillating.

_**"Bloody horny, guys?"**_ Matt mocked, still laughing.

_**"Let's go say hi to our new friend down there!"**_ Chris exclaimed and he and Matt burst out laughing. You had to hold back your laughter because that was actually hilarious, but you couldn't laugh on Darren's face because this was your fault.

_**"Fuck, shut up."**_ Darren groaned, gasping, sitting back on the driver seat and trying to calm down. He rested his head on the steering wheel for a few minutes and then he focused again his sight on the road. _**"Well, let's go to George Lake."**_

_**"Thanks God, I thought we weren't going to leave this place."**_ Chris made fun of Darren.

_**"Yeah, make fun of me. I want to see you later, Chris. When we return, you're gonna drive and let's see what happens."**_ Darren said, starting to drive again. Chris laughed and he kept talking to Matt.

_**"I'm sorry."**_ You said a bit amused, kissing Darren's cheek.

_**"Now wait for the revenge when we arrive."**_ Darren joked, smiling amused now.

* * *

After four hours, you arrived to George Lake. Of course Darren mocked Chris, and he parked the car in a field and he got out of the car, spreading out the blankets and leaving all your stuffs on the ground. Chris was looking at Darren serious and in horror. After several minutes and after you and Matt joined Darren's prank, you told Chris you weren't going to stay there and he felt relaxed. Instead, you went to the Holiday Inn Resort. It was a magnificent hotel and you got really stunned when you saw it, you still weren't used to go to those kinds of places. It was set in the heart of the Adirondack Park Preserve, so all around you was nature. It seemed a quiet place, ideal to relax and have a good time; it was perfect. The hotel itself was really beautiful and luxurious, with a lot of amenities indoor and outdoor. Darren booked two Suite Deluxe rooms next to each other.

_**"Hope you guys don't mind to share a room with an extra-large bed."**_ Darren said mischievously, once the hotel clerk attended you all and led you to where the rooms were.

_**"It's fine for me."**_ Matt said shrugging. _**"This is more than I could ever have asked. I'm not haughty."**_

_**"It's fine for me too."**_ Chris said smiling politely.

_**"Great guys! Anyway, you could show more excitement, you're gonna be alone."**_ Darren winked playfully and mockingly.

_**"Screw you, Darren."**_ Chris cursed, but smiling amused.

_**"Right." **_Darren laughed. _**"Fine, that is your room and this one...is our room."**_ Darren said, grabbing you by your waist. _**"Let's go leave our suitcases there and as for me, I'm gonna take a shower. Do I meet you all in the fire pit or in the giant chessboard?"**_

_**"Yeah, in the giant chessboard! I challenge you all to play it."**_ Chris said excited.

_**"Challenge accepted."**_ Darren said with a mischievous smile. _**"Well guys, see you in a few minutes. Don't get lost. And remember...don't vote until night."**_ Darren winked and laughed out loud.

_**"Pervert."**_ Chris made fun of Darren.

Matt and Chris got into their room with their suitcases and you and Darren did the same. The room was splendid. It had a very comfy and extra-large bed, a flat-screen TV, a stereo, and air conditioning, separate hanging closet, it also had a parlor with a sofa-bed, an equipped kitchen with coffee maker, microwave oven and a mini refrigerator; and the bathroom had a big hot tub. It was stunning. You left your suitcase, still looking around. As soon as you left your suitcase, Darren lunged at you and you got scared because you weren't expecting that. He led you to the bed and he didn't let you go. He finally lie you down on bed, he getting on top of you with a naughty smile on his face.

_**"I told you that the revenge was going to come."**_ Darren smiled naughtily, looking fixedly into your eyes.

_**"You're so vindictive!"**_ You exclaimed frowning, but looking at him a bit amused.

_**"You have no idea with whom you messed up."**_ Darren said looking your lips, still with a naughty smile. Then he leaned to kiss your lips, placing a hand on your hair and the other on your hip, underneath your dress. _**"You, wearing a dress, make things more exciting and sexy."**_ Darren whispered seductively in front your lips, with a wild smile while you giggled.

Darren lifted your dress up under your breasts, and he let you to lift his tee shirt; so now you were feeling your bare stomach touching slightly. Darren rested the whole weight of his body on you, running his fingers through your bare waist; still kissing you, now more fiercely. You ran your fingertips through his back, very slowly. Then you decided to be risky; as Darren said, this was the time to be risky. You pushed him and Darren looked at you confused and frowning.

_**"What? Did I...?"**_ Darren started to ask concerned; but you interrupted him, placing a finger on his mouth.

Now you lay him down on bed while Darren was curious, trying to find out what you were going to do. You only smiled naughty at him and slowly, you got on top of him, sitting on his crotch. Darren looked at you astonished and he raised his eyebrows in surprise, but he did nothing to draw you away. Instead, he placed his hands on your hips while you leaned to start pulling off Darren's tee shirt, very slowly and with eyes fixed on his. Darren tried to help you to take off his tee shirt, but you stopped him; so he only let you to take off his tee shirt by yourself. Once you got it, he placed his hands again on your hips, this time lifting your dress so he placed them underneath it. You started running your fingers through his entire chest slowly, always looking into his eyes with a naughty smile. Darren was just looking at you still stunned, but enjoying it.

_**"You took care of me once. Now it's my turn to repay it."**_ You smiled, still running your fingers through his chest.

_**"You don't have to." **_Darren said, looking at you fixedly.

_**"I want. You've been really busy and tired lately. You could get some necking and petting. Wouldn't you like it?"**_ You said, still smiling naughty; this time running your fingertips through his stomach, and Darren arched his back at your touch.

_**"I'd love it."**_ Darren whimpered softly, smiling slightly.

_**"So, leave it to me. You just relax."**_ You whispered and Darren nodded.

You leaned to start kissing his neck, still sitting on his crotch. Darren whimpered and he started to rub your back underneath your dress, with closed eyes and lips parted. Then you started to lick his neck, going to his earlobe, where you stopped to suck it; now Darren arched his back once again and he started to tug your dress, trying to take it off, but you stopped him so he groaned softly. You continued kissing his toned chest very slowly; stopping on his nipples to suck them and then you nibbled softly his right nipple, what made Darren moan this time louder. You placed your hands on his hips and then you licked slowly, with the tip of your tongue, from his chest to his lower belly. Darren shivered and moaned with pleasure. Then you straightened, still sitting on his crotch, and you looked at him with a wild look and smile. Darren opened his eyes to look at you and find out why you stopped; and you took advantage of that moment to take off your dress seductively and drop it on the floor. Darren tried to sit and kiss your lips fiercely, but you placed your hand on his chest and you lay him down on bed again; so he placed his hands on your hips again, with his thumbs on your groin. You smiled naughtily before leaning again and this time you placed your mouth on the waistband of his jeans, while Darren was glancing at you with lips parted and wide-eyed. Still with your hands on his hips, you started to unbutton his jeans with your mouth, looking into Darren's eyes wildly.

_**"Oh fuck."**_ Darren moaned out loud, pulling his head back and arching his back when you started unzipping his jeans with your mouth very slowly.

At this point, Darren was already hard. You couldn't believe you were doing this and you couldn't understand from where you took the courage to do something you never did in your life; but you weren't regretting. Darren's moans were a sign that probably you were doing it right. Once you finished unzipping his jeans, you rested your knees on bed, each of your knees to the sides of Darren's body to raise your body; so now you pulled off Darren's jeans abruptly and wildly, looking at him who was with closed eyes and gasping. Now, still kneeling on bed, placed your hands on his groin, underneath his boxers. Darren whimpered and thrust his hips as an instinct and urge. You smiled naughtily and you started playing with his boxers, tugging them. Darren finally opened his eyes and looked up to you. He had rosy cheeks, parted lips and a lustful look. You looked at him wildly and then you placed your hands on the elastic band of his boxers, and Darren nodded. Apparently, he couldn't talk and you guessed he nodded, giving you the permission to take his boxers off. You took them off slowly, exposing his erection. Darren whimpered when you left him completely naked, and then you sat again on his crotch, making him push his hips up, moaning out loud. You looked at him once again lustfully, and then you placed your hands on the closure of your bra, to start unfastening your bra and then to drop it on the floor. Darren was looking at you with a lustful look, with his eyes squinting and lips parted. Once again, Darren tried to sit up and this time you let him. Darren hurriedly placed his hands on your back and started rubbing it, while kissing your lips fiercely and passionately. Instinctively, he started moving up and down his hips and now the two of you were moaning. Darren lowered his hand to your back dimples, and he placed his hand on the band of your underwear. You raised your body to let Darren pull off your underwear. Now the two of you were completely naked; Darren placed his hands on your thighs and you sat on his crotch again; so Darren started moving his hips up and down impulsively again, while now kissing your breasts fervently and you started moaning with pleasure. At this point you were so turned on, but suddenly, Darren stopped and buried his head on your breasts, stopping with his up and down movement of hips.

_**"What's the matter, Dar?"**_ You asked confused because he stopped abruptly.

_**"We need to stop."**_ Darren moaned, still burying his head on your breasts.

_**"Why?" **_You asked frowning and you lifted Darren's chin to look into his eyes. Darren looked at you with a twinkle on his eyes, rosy cheeks and his hair completely messed up.

_**"It's not time yet."**_ Darren said, looking at you and placing his hands on your jawline.

_**"I'm ready now, Dar."**_ You said, looking deeply into your eyes and he kissed your lips. This time it wasn't a fierce kiss, it was a soft and sweet kiss.

_**"No, you're not yet."**_ Darren said caressing your cheeks with his thumbs.

_**"Yes, I am. I'm sure of this. Since we went to the People's Choice Awards event, I feel different. I feel more self-confident." **_You said, still staring at Darren.

_**"And that's totally awesome and a huge progress. But I know it's not time yet and I don't want to screw this. I let myself to carry away in pleasure, without thinking it's not the right time."**_ Darren said, looking at you fondly, still with a twinkle on his eyes.

_**"You told me on that event...If it's not the right time now, when it's gonna be the right time?"**_ You said frowning and unable to understand why Darren was saying that.

_**"Soon, but not now. You feel more self-confident now, but you're not completely self-confident. And I want to take this slow, so when the time comes, is gonna be a good moment for the two of us."**_ Darren said sweetly.

_**"You don't want this, right? You don't want an inexperienced girl, do you?"**_ You looked down, a bit sad and frowning.

_**"Hey no, it's not that."**_ Darren said softly, lifting your chin up. _**"Believe me, I'm dying for this and is really hard for me to stop right now because I want to go all the way with you. But I know you need to wait, I just know it. I love you so fucking much, so that's why I don't want to screw all the progress you're doing because of a moment of arousal. I want to wait to make this perfect. But you should know that this is one of the things I want the most."**_ Darren said, looking into your eyes sweetly, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs. Then he smiled fondly and pecked your lips softly. _**"Come on, the guys must be waiting for you. I'm gonna take a shower and then I'm gonna join you."**_

_**"Okay."**_ You answered dreary and you stood up, to look for your clothes in silence. Darren also stood up and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

_**"Hey, boo. Don't be like this. Later, you're gonna find out this was the best for both of us."**_ Darren said, resting his forehead on yours. _**"I love you."**_

_**"I love you too."**_ You answered and Darren kissed your lips fondly.

Before Darren went to the bathroom to take a shower, he looked at you and he smiled. When you heard he closed the bathroom's door; you sat on bed, looking at your lap and feeling weird. On one hand, you felt good because he wanted to wait for you because he wanted to make you feel fully sure; but on the other hand, you were feeling really distressed, because at some point, Darren rejected you. You tried to not to think about it and you just dressed yourself, to go to the giant chessboard where Matt and Chris were. It was a sunny and nice day, and you could see Matt and Chris laughing and playing chess. They seemed really happy and you smiled for this. At least they were having a good time.

_**"Hey, Shorty! Shorty!"**_ Matt yelled cheerfully in the distance, raising his hands when he saw you. _**"Come join us! This is really fun!"**_

_**"Yeah, I'm kicking his ass so he needs some help!"**_ Chris yelled jokingly in the distance as well.

_**"You're not! Maybe just a bit."**_ Matt yelled, laughing.

Their happiness and cheerfulness made you smile brightly. They looked so cute together and this trip was a good thing for them. It was weird to see how they were getting along well and how they matched to make the perfect couple.

_**"I'm gonna join you when you finish your game. Than get ready because I'm so good at it and I'm gonna kick your ass!"**_ You yelled, laughing and with a big smile.

_**"Let's see that later! I'm the king of chess!"**_ Chris laughed out loud and he continued playing with Matt.

You also giggled and you walked toward a table near you. You were glad that Chris and Matt joined you and Darren, because they were really funny. You sat on the table and looked at them playing chest in that fabulous day. Suddenly, you looked away and something caught your attention. Near you, there was a magazine whose cover was Darren's face. You never saw that magazine before. You quickly grabbed it to take a look; it was new. The cover spelled:

**"Darren Criss, the new Don Juan DeMarco, the greatest lover in the world?"**

The title caught your attention and you frowned. Why would they choose that header title? Would they talk about you on the magazine? Suddenly you got edgy and you opened the magazine to start reading it.

"**The 25-year-old actor, Darren Criss, the charming lead vocalist of rival all-boy band the Warblers, always refused to talk about his love life. Once he was asked if he's single and Criss only replied, "I'm Irish". Now, we're bringing breaking news about his love life. **

**Girls, are you ready to know in whom the nice-looking actor has set his sights? Not only he's Irish, but he's a heartbreaker. On his way, he seduces all women who are close to him and all women fall in love with his charm. Could it be for his sexy self-confidence or is it because of his spellbinding smile? The truth is that Darren got into his pockets two attractive women; so we could say he's the reincarnation of Don Juan DeMarco, the greatest lover in the world. Surely now you're wondering who the two women who captivated the attention of the young actor are. Let's go deeper into the subject. On one hand, Darren showed himself with a pretty and stunning young lady at the People's Choice Awards. Her name is still on anonymity, but one thing is certain: this wasn't the first time Criss appeared in public with this beautiful young lady. He's been seen with the young lady in several places to mention: at the Central Park, holding hands more than a year ago; in an eccentric and exotic bar (Take note: Criss likes aphrodisiac places, girls!), performing a show in front of hundred people; at his opening show on Broadway this year, where we saw the young lady in the after party; and at People's Choice awards, where the young lady gained the approval of Criss's fans because of her sympathy and gracefulness. But those aren't the only places where they've been seen. They also have been seen celebrating the traditional New Year's Eve on Times Square, where they didn't have any problem to show their love, kissing and lovingly embracing in front of billion people. But they didn't stay the whole celebration time on Times Square; after there, they went to the Gapstow Bridge over The Pond in Central Park, where a source of confidential information said that Criss gave to the young and beautiful woman a ring. (Attention, girls!) Was Darren Criss proposing her? We'd have to wait to get a valid response of the young actor. At the end of the article, you can find revealing photographs confirming the validity of what was previously mentioned; where Criss and the beautiful lady appear in compromising situations. But it's not all a bed of roses. On the other hand, Criss has been seen with the sexy Mia Swier; a girl with whom Criss has been seen several times. We've all suspected that Criss had a love affair with the sexy lady, although he refused to give us a meaningful answer. Now we can confirm that they not only had an affair, but also now have a love affair. Criss has been seen with Mia Swier, holding hands in the Manhattan Mall before Criss's opening show on Broadway, apparently shopping together in a romantic adventure. You could say that they're only friends holding hands, but this is invalid if we see the photographs at the end of the article, where Mia Swier and Darren Criss are in a compromising situation, as the lady has dared to kiss the corner of the lips of the young actor in public and the actor seems to be happy. But girls, that's not all! Criss and Swier have been seen at the after party of Criss's opening show; where the two women of Criss were together. Would the two ladies know about the existence of each other? We don't know, but a reliable source has informed us that the beautiful young lady left the party before it ended, what gave Mia Swier the advantage to get closer to the young actor. It seems Mia Swier isn't a woman who's gonna stand idly, because as soon as the young and beautiful young lady left the party, Mia Swier and Darren Criss spent all night long together, talking and laughing. Criss, the charming young actor who calls an Irish himself, now has two stunning ladies on his pockets. Would Criss keep a love affair with the two ladies? Meanwhile, we can choose which of the two ladies we prefer. The beautiful and charming young lady; or the sexy and captivating Mia Swier? The women who snatched a perfect musical note of Criss heart, the new Don Juan DeMarco."**

You finished reading the article with your mouth wide open because of your surprise and disturbance. This was too much information. You quickly looked at the pictures. There you were with Darren: The first time you met him in person and you walked holding hands for the very first time in Central Park; the time when you went with Darren to that eccentric and aphrodisiac bar where your brother worked, when you and Darren were singing together on a stage very jaunty; when you went to Darren's after party and you talked to him alone, giving up on your relationship for the best and then all changed; when you went at People's Choice Awards as Darren's special guest, where Darren was kissing your cheek and you were making a funny face; when you and Darren were in Times Square on New Year's Eve, kissing each other on the lips with a big smile on your faces; and finally a picture of you and Darren sitting in Central Park, he putting on your finger the promise ring you were wearing now. How the hell could they have got those pictures? Your private life has been invaded. But then you looked the pictures where Mia and Darren were together. They were in fact in Manhattan Mall holding hands, Mia was kissing Darren in the corner of his mouth and Darren was smiling brightly, looking down; then you saw the pictures of Darren and Mia, linking arms, at the after party of Darren's show, both of them looking at each other with a huge smile on his faces. What the hell did it mean? Has Darren cheated on you with Mia? Why did they seem very close and happy together? Why was Darren letting Mia to kiss the corner of his mouth in public? Suddenly everything set on your mind. All that time Darren was being really cold and distant with you after he found out your actual name wasn't your birth name; surely it was because he was hanging out with Mia. When he told you he didn't want to see you, because surely you'd catch him with Mia; when Darren defended Mia strongly when he went to your house after his opening show on Broadway to talk. All this time it was because he was having a love affair with Mia and you never noticed it, like a real jerk. Why did he do that? Why hasn't he confessed you that he was with Mia while you were distant? Was he still in love with her? Everything was blurred on your mind and you couldn't stop questioning things. Right now, you needed to go away from there, because you didn't want to see Darren while you were feeling as distressed and disturbed like this; you didn't want him to see you crying; you weren't ready to talk with Darren because the lump in your throat wouldn't let you talk. You grabbed the magazine and you walked away from there, getting lost on the forest near there, until you found a place to sit and cry in silence.

* * *

When it began to get dark and you cried the enough to be relaxed, you came back to the hotel room with the magazine. Darren was laying in bed, in silence. You looked at him from the front door and then you walked to the living room in silence, to leave on the coffee table the magazine and the promise ring he gave you. Darren finally noticed you were there and he stood up abruptly, getting closer to you. He grabbed your arms and he looked at you worried and a bit scared.

_**"Where were you? Dammit, I was so fucking worried! Chris and Matt told me that they saw you for the last time sitting on a table near where they were, but you weren't there anymore! I texted you, I called you all day long but your phone was switched off. Chris, Matt and I looked you everywhere and we couldn't find you! Where were you? Are you alright?"**_ Darren said slurred, with disturbed eyes and you looked at him serious and dreary.

_**"I'm fine."**_ You answered monotonously, looking down.

_**"I'm fine? Is that all you have to say me? I was so fucking worried! I thought something really bad happened to you!" **_Darren exclaimed desperate.

_**"Well, nothing bad has happened to me." **_You answered monotonously, shrugging.

_**"How could you say it? Are you okay? You seem kind of downhearted."**_ Darren asked concerned, looking at you.

_**"I'm fine."**_ You answered dejectedly and you walked away from Darren to sit on the couch, in silence. Darren looked at you frowning, bewildered. Then he sat next to you and he tried to wrap an arm around you, but you drew away.

_**"What's wrong with you? Don't tell me that nothing and that you're fine, because I know it isn't like this."**_ Darren said, looking at you frowning and kind of hurt when you drew away from him.

_**"Maybe you could find the answer by reading that magazine." **_You pointed Darren the magazine, coldly.

Darren looked at you frowning and then he looked at the table where the magazine was. But the first he looked was the promise ring. He grabbed it and then he looked at you hurt and distressed now.

_**"Why have you taken off this ring?"**_ Darren asked with gloomy voice.

**"Just read the magazine."** You answered coldly and looking away, because Darren's sad face was hurting you deep in your heart.

Darren put the ring on the table and he grabbed the magazine to start reading it. While he was reading he was frowning and he seemed upset. But it came a moment when he raised his eyebrows, he opened his mouth widely, he got extremely nervous and his eyes denoted disturbance. Now his body was slightly trembling and he gulped before leaving the magazine on the table. He remained a few minutes in silence, looking down, still slightly trembling. Then he looked up to you, with teary and edgy eyes.

_**"I can explain all of this."**_ Darren said with choked voice, while tears were falling down your face again.


	12. Chapter 12

_What do you do when all things in your life seem to have lost their way? What do you do when you were having the best time in your life and suddenly everything falls apart? And what do you do when that thing that falls apart was the main reason that saved you from your lowest point in your life? People say life is beautiful, but they never said it was easy. Throughout our lives we have to experience good and bad moments and, little by little, we overcome those experiences; but sometimes we need someone who can guide us, someone who can grab our hand to help us to move on. That someone was Darren Criss for you. With him you learned all the beautiful side of life. But sometimes, all the people who are more significant in our lives suddenly grow apart. Sometimes forever, sometimes only for a while. Darren and you went through a lot of things in the time you were together but it doesn't mean you're ready for all the new things that come to happen. Being in love with someone and being in a relationship is as the best thing that can happen in your life as is also hard. It takes you all your life to learn how to love and how to be loved. Would you learn it with Darren or would you choose to learn it by yourself? Would you be willing to forget all the bad things that happened in your relationship to spend your life with Darren Criss, or not? Is a hard decision that needs to be made and all the decisions scare us because we have to face the unknown. The question is... Would you be willing to put away all your fears and surrender completely to Darren, the man you love? Meanwhile, time runs. Once again, your life with Darren Criss. Chain Letters - The last stage until the end._

A/N: Okay guys! Here it is…the last chapter of Chain Letters! Of course after this, it's gonna come the epilogue and that's when Chain Letters is gonna be officially finished! I want to take advantage of this moment to say some things, some good and some not so good things. What I'm gonna say is not directed to everybody, each one would know. Few weeks ago I found out I was cataloged like a terrible writer and this fanfiction as a really bad one, in some article (I won't give any names or anything because I really don't care and that's not the point.). What I wanted to say is that I don't mind if you give me constructive criticism which can make me improve my writing; actually I love when you do so and I appreciate all the constructive criticism I got, because I'm not at all a writer and this is the first time I write something, I'm actually almost an architect, so imagine, I'm completely the opposite! And besides English is not my first language so it's not so easy to write, but I enjoy doing it and I love when you give me some tips to improve. But I won't accept if people give me criticism that all they get with those is to hurt feelings because of the rough way they say things without giving me a tip to improve. I don't wanna sound harsh or anything; but I'm saying this because life taught me that the worst you can do is to hurt someone's feelings, because after they hurt you, it cannot be reversed; yeah, you can overcome it and all, but it's something is gonna remain in your subconscious without you noticing and creates insecurities in people. I always give this example: "Before you hurt a person: Grab a paper and crumple it up. Did you do it? Now try to straighten it again and to leave it like before. You cannot, right? People's heart is like that paper; once you hurt it, is difficult to leave it as you found it." I've been hurt in past and I hurt people in past as well; and it made me learn that you don't get anywhere by hurting people's feelings; it only makes you feel terrible because instead helping people to try to get a little better place to live all in peace and happy, you do the opposite. And there's when we find such problems like racism, hypocrisy, war, violence, strain, indifference, frigidity, arrogance, loneliness, and prejudice; instead getting smiles, love, peace, happiness, kindness, friendliness, solidarity, and equality. We always complain about this bad world we live, but we never realize we're not doing anything to improve it; we never realize that maybe we're part of those reasons of why the world is like how it is now. And I'm including myself on this, because I make several mistakes, but the point is to realize those mistakes and try to change them to make it better. So the point is that hurting people is not cool and it's terrible, so think twice before saying some things. Of course this is my opinion and you can agree or not; it's up to you and we all are free to have our own opinions, it's what makes us people capable of thinking for ourselves and not being manipulated by others who think are better than us. And also I wanted to clarify that obviously all that i write is completely fictional; of course this won't happen to any of us never ever, cause, come on! Is Darren Criss! If I'm writing stories like these, is because I don't find anything wrong with dreaming and imagining situations like these. For me, it's not wrong to imagine going through all of this with Darren; we know we won't get it, so if we cannot get it, why cannot we at least imagine it? What's wrong with daydreaming? If we don't dream in our lives, we don't have anything; we need dreams to live life more intensely, to feel alive and full of hopes. Dreaming is always good, dreaming about whatever you want; dreams give us the strength to try to achieve them in our lives, dreams give us a goal in our lives. Never ever let that someone let you down by telling you cannot achieve your dreams. And keep dreaming; Walt Disney once said "If you can dream it, you can do it." HELL YEAH! So you, person who thinks dreams are stupid and senseless, good luck. Again, it's only my opinion. Now I'm really sorry to say all of this and maybe this is totally inappropriate; but I needed to say it all; because as this happened to me now, it could happen to anybody else and I wouldn't like anyone to feel this way. Of course, a lot of you guys told me a lot of wonderful and really beautiful words, and I appreciate all of your kind words with all my heart, some of you really inspired me to keep writing and some of you just said really touching words that I'd never forget. That message wasn't for all of you. So, I'm gonna keep writing because in my life I've been through a lot of shit moments and those moments made me strong, so I just choose to not to listen to those bad criticisms. If you like my fanfic, I'm gonna be super honored if you read it and even more if you can enjoy it; and if you don't like it, just don't read it; there's no need to be aggressive with words only because you don't like it. So that's all guys. Once again, I'm really sorry because of this long message that maybe you don't deserve to read. Now I leave you with the last chapter of Chain Letters and I hope all my readers can enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it! This is the longest chapter ever, it's like two chapters because, come on! It's the end of Chain Letters! (Even though after this it comes the epilogue, when it's the official end of this story). Much love for all of you and a huge hug!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 12.**

* * *

_**"You know the media can make up a lot of lies and they distort the reality. Always. They take a misleading picture and from there they distort the real facts. It's not completely true all they wrote in the article. Dammit. I knew something like this would happen."**_ Darren said upset and really edgy. His body was still slightly trembling and he couldn't look at you into your eyes. You were just looking at him in silence and serious, while tears were still falling down your face.

"_**Right."**_ You answered coldly, still shedding some tears.

You knew there was something more, otherwise Darren wouldn't be so nervous. Darren looked up at you and he looked at you with teary eyes and sadly. He got closer to you, but you drew away. You didn't want Darren to touch you, to caress you; because you knew that way you were going to forget about the article. Darren tried to grab your hands, but you moved your hands away, looking away; Darren looked at you hurt and then he looked down.

_**"Please, believe me. They already made up a lot of stories and lies about me. I warned you before, that they were going to invade our privacy, that they were going to start talking about us, that they were going to start saying lies about us and all that involves us. It's because this way they earn money, because things like this are what people like to read. The mercantilist techniques of media are very cunning and deceptive to achieve their goal: to be one of the most recognized companies in the market. They are like a Mafia and I'm not overstating."**_ Darren said nervous and desperate. You were just looking at him the same way. At some point you knew he was right and he indeed warned you, but in that moment you couldn't tell what was true and what was lie.

_**"I don't wanna hear all of that. I only want to know what is true and what is lie."**_ You said gloomy and with a monotonous voice, looking at Darren with empty eyes. Darren looked at you sadly and nervous before looking down.

_**"Well, what they said about you...that's all true. You gained people's approval; you're beautiful, charming, sympathetic, perky and gracious. See? Everybody sees you like this. They actually took us real photographs."**_ Darren said, now looking at you but still nervous when he saw your very serious face.

_**"I know what about you and me is true or is a lie, because I've been there and I don't need you to explain it to me, I remember perfectly all those moments. I'm talking about Mia and you."**_ You said coldly, looking at him cheerless; and Darren got even more edgy.

_**"Well, you know. Yeah, Mia was at the after party, that's true. You saw her there, but that thing we spent all night long together, that's bullshit. And yeah, I had a love affair with her, but that was a long time ago and you know it already. I told you my whole story with her. But I don't have a love affair with her now, I'm with you and I'm not that kind of guy who cheats on someone he loves, changing the person he loves for a fling with another person. Yeah, it's like that."**_ Darren said frowning still nervous, and looking away but not into your eyes.

_**"You're lying."**_ You said harshly, looking at him. Darren looked up to you, raising his eyebrows and even more nervous and startled.

_**"What? Why are you saying it?"**_ Darren asked shakily, this time looking into your eyes.

_**"Because while you were saying all that; you didn't even dare to look into my eyes. I know you, I know you're lying."**_ You said sullenly, looking fixedly into his eyes; and Darren only gulped, trying to look away. _**"I don't want beat around the bush, so I'm gonna go straight to the point. Have you been with Mia when we were distant?"**_ You asked harshly and forthright, and Darren looked at you with eyes wide open and edgy.

"_**I…look, that was a bad moment for the two of us. What happened that time we were distant…" **_Darren started to say slurred, his voice trembling.

_**"I only want you to answer me that. I don't wanna hear any excuses, any explanation. Only answer me sincerely, even if I won't like the answer. I deserve to know the truth, Darren. You said it, we cannot keep going if we are surrounded by lies. Just answer me and don't try to evade the topic of conversation. I won't get mad if you tell me the truth, I just need to know."**_ You said with chocked voice, looking at him with teary eyes; while Darren looked at you sadly._** "Have you been with Mia while we were distant?"**_

_**"Yeah..."**_ Darren said, looking down.

Darren answered what you were afraid to hear. He and Mia were together while you were thinking how to fix things with Darren, how to make work your relationship. He was spending time with Mia while you were alone, thinking the way to make Darren see that you loved him, trying to find the way to tell Darren all the truth about your past. And you never noticed this, not until you found the magazine and you realized why Darren in that time didn't want to see, why Darren was very cold with you and why he wanted to start over again without you. Unable to contain yourself, tears started to fall down your face again, in silence and looking down. Darren got closer, trying to wipe away your tears, but you moved away.

_**"But hey, listen...it's not what you're thinking. I...that was because...we were going through a shit moment and..."**_ Darren started to say with chocked and trembling voice, looking at you anguished.

_**"No, it's alright. Don't give importance to how I look, I'm fine. And just answer my questions, I don't want you to excuse all your answers."**_ You said, wiping away your tears and trying to remain strong. _**"Have you been with Mia in a friendly or loving way?"**_

_**"Well..."**_ Darren said looking down and frowning, apparently distressed. You looked down because you knew his answer judging by the way he paused. _**"We're friends but...that time, we were kind of..."**_

_**"Have you kissed? And you know I'm not talking about friendly kisses."**_ You interrupted him when you noticed he was going to ramble.

_**"Yes."**_ Darren answered trembling, sighing and pained. You tried to hold back your tears, you needed to be strong to know all you were asking hours before, even though it was breaking your heart.

_**"Have you had sex with her?"**_ You asked roundly, with choked voice, and looking at Darren with teary eyes.

_**"Why are you asking all of this?"**_ Darren asked dismally, also with choked voice and teary eyes, looking straight into your eyes.

_**"Because I deserve to know!"**_ You exclaimed, this time letting your tears to fall down your face.

_**"But this is gonna hurt you and it's gonna hurt me. It was in the past, I love you and I'm only with you. I want to be only with you."**_ Darren said desperate, still with teary eyes and trying to hold your hands, but you curled up on yourself.

_**"I already know the answer, Darren. I only want to hear it from you; I want you to be honest with me."**_ You answered closing your eyes and feeling downhearted.

_**"Yeah, I had sex with her. I'm not proud of what I did! But that time we weren't together, please for god sake, forgive me! I regret it and I don't know why I did it, it was just sex, no love involved!"**_ Darren said this time crying and desperate, looking into your eyes; while you were just crying heartbroken.

_**"Do you still love her? Do you still think about her?"**_ You tried to ask as you could, because it was really hard when you had the lump on your throat.

_**"Please, stop this, boo."**_ Darren said broken and with choked voice, looking at you desperate.

_**"I need to know, Darren! If you still love her, I won't get mad. If you feel that you still love her, I'm gonna give you space, so you can find out what is what you want. I'm gonna still be here, waiting until you decide what you want, heartedly. But you need to tell me." **_You said heartbrokenly and shedding tears. But you knew this was what you needed to do, what you needed to say; even though it'd break your heart in million pieces.

_**"No, I don't love her. I love you with all my heart; I don't need any time, any space. I'm sure of what I want, more sure than ever. I fucking love you and I always did."**_ Darren said, looking deeply into your eyes and grabbing your hands. You let him to grab your hands for seconds because you were feeling too weak to draw them away, but then you moved away again.

_**"And why did you have sex with her if you loved me as you said?"**_ You asked looking at him with teary eyes. There was something else, nothing had sense to you.

_**"Dammit, boo! This is not gonna get us anywhere."**_ Darren said looking at you distressed.

_**"Just answer me, Darren."**_ You said roundly, with choked voice. You needed to know everything.

_**"Because that time I was so upset, I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. And Mia was there, while I was at my lowest point. I found on her a way to keep my mind away from all the mess and grief I was feeling. I didn't even know what I was doing; I let myself be manipulated by her. But you need to believe me, it was just sex, no love was involved."**_ Darren said afflicted and shedding some tears with contrition. _**"I beg you, please forgive me. I was a complete dick."**_

This was being really hard for you; it was really rough to hear all of that. You were completely heartbroken. Even though Darren explained you the reasons, you couldn't avoid that feeling. Because while you were thinking of him that time, trying to find a way to get him back in your life and suffering because you couldn't be with him; Darren was having sex with Mia. With Mia, his ex-girlfriend, the woman who was very important to him; not with anybody else. That was what hurt you the most. You remained silent and looking down for a while, trying to set down all things on your mind; but then you looked up to Darren with a blank stare.

_**"So...It was only sex?"**_ You asked frivolously and Darren looked at you crestfallen.

_**"It was only sex."**_ Darren answered and the he looked down.

_**"So, was it the reason why you chose Mia? Because of sex? Is that what you wanted? Is that the reason why you preferred her instead talking to me?" **_You asked frivolously again, now you weren't shedding tears, now you were looking at him blankly.

_**"What? That has no sense."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrows, unable to get what your point was.

_**"Sex? Is only that? You've been with Mia because I'm a stupid girl with whom you can't have sex? I can do it, you know?"**_ You asked harshly and insensibly, standing up. Darren looked at you frowning and completely astonished. You started to take your clothes off, abruptly and fiercely. _**"Is this what you want? Is this what you can't get from me?"**_ You said with trembling voice because of your welter.

You sat on Darren's lap half-naked and you started kissing his neck fiercely, touching his lower belly underneath his shirt. Darren was completely astonished and he wasn't expecting this, so he couldn't stop you. Then you kneeled on the floor between Darren's legs and you started rubbing his inner thigh, Darren still didn't do anything. But when you started unbuttoning his jeans, he placed his hands on yours, and you looked at him to find Darren looking at you with a sad stare.

_**"What are you doing?"**_ Darren asked confused and anguished.

_**"Giving you what you want."**_ You answered frigid and bleak, trying again to unbutton his jeans, but Darren stopped you.

_**"Cover yourself, boo."**_ Darren whispered distressed, grabbing your clothes and covering you with them. You, still kneeling on the floor between his legs, stood up; covering you half-naked body with your clothes.

_**"Why do you stop me? Because you think I'm not good enough at sex like Mia?"**_ You asked bleak, looking at Darren, still standing.

_**"What are you saying?"**_ Darren asked even more distressed, now he also standing up to place his hands on your arms.

_**"Why do you have sex freely with Mia and you don't want it with me now?"**_ You asked now with trembling voice.

_**"Because this is different!"**_ Darren exclaimed, looking at you with a glum stare, still grabbing your arms.

_**"Is that the reason why you rejected me earlier? Is it because I'm not good at sex? Is it because Mia is better than me? Why do you reject me?"**_ You asked this time with choked voice and weeping.

_**"Hey, no!"**_ Darren said with ravaged voice, now wrapping his arms around your waist; and you dropped your clothes to cover your face with your hands so Darren couldn't see you crying although it was obvious. Darren grabbed both of your hands and then he caressed your cheek gently, staring at you with a tearful look. _**"I never rejected you."**_

_**"You did, Darren! Why you don't want to have sex with me?"**_ You asked still bewailing, and now resting your head on his chest, so he wouldn't see you crying. Darren started to caress your hair softly.

_**"I don't wanna have sex with you, that's right. Instead, I want to make love to you. That's why is different, it's not because Mia is better than you or shit like that. I know what I'll have with you is gonna be even better than what I had with Mia. You know why? Because now, love is gonna be involved, because I love you so fucking much. It doesn't matter if you have experience or not, because what matters is gonna be what we both are gonna feel in that moment. And I haven't rejected you; I don't know why you think so. I only said that it wasn't time yet." **_Darren said kindly and gently, still caressing your hair sweetly and reassuringly.

_**"That's rejecting, Darren! Do you have any idea how it feels to be rejected?"**_ You cried on his chest and Darren kept caressing your hair softly.

_**"It's not rejecting! My intention never was to reject you. My intention was to wait for the right moment, so that moment is gonna be the best moment for the two of us. Because you're so fucking important to me that I don't want to turn our first time into a moment we both were sexually aroused. I want to wait for the right moment, in the perfect place; not here and not now. First I want to make you feel all the love you always deserved, first I want you to feel as flawless as you are; and you didn't get it yet. Once you get it, and once I helped you to get it; that's gonna be the right time. And the perfect place isn't in a hotel room; it needs to be in a place where we both feel identified and comfortable. I'm sorry if I made you feel rejected; you need to understand that it isn't like that."**_ Darren said sweetly but with a hint of desperation, now caressing your cheek while you were still burying your head on Darren's chest and shedding tears.

_**"I just don't get it, Darren. I don't get why you say all of this to me; but then when we were distant, instead listening what I had to say to you, you went straight to Mia's bed. Why? I was heartbroken that time and you were having a good time with her."**_ You cried again on Darren's chest, completely desolate.

_**"Because I was a dick. I really regret what I did and I felt terrible after we had sex. All I could think was how asshole I was to be with Mia while I could've been with you. I chose the easy way instead of striving to get you back. But we weren't together, please understand it. I would never cheat on you." **_Darren said anguished and desperate._** "Please, forgive me. Please, I need to hear that you forgive me that you aren't giving up that you still want to be with me and be my girlfriend. Please don't break up with me because of my stupid mistake; I swear I'd do whatever it takes to compensate for my misdoing. But I don't want to be without you, now that we were doing right!"**_ Darren said with choked and desperate voice, now with watery eyes. Darren was showing a point of weakness you've never seen.

_**"I don't have anything to forgive you. We weren't together that time; you were free to do whatever you wanted. I understand you didn't cheat on me, so I don't have anything to forgive you."**_ You said bleakly, wiping away your tears. Of course you were hurt and knowing that Darren was with Mia while you were distant broke your heart; but Darren was right. You weren't together that time and he didn't have to apologize.

_**"Please, I know you. I know you aren't fine and I don't want to see you like this."**_ Darren begged you afflicted and desperate.

_**"I'm fine, Darren."**_ You said, looking down and not crying anymore.

_**"Please, don't break up with me."**_ Darren begged looking into your eyes with watery eyes.

_**"I won't."**_ You answered looking into his eyes with blank eyes.

_**"Do you believe me when I say that I love you so freaking much?"**_ Darren looked deeply into your eyes.

_**"I do."**_ You answered shortly.

_**"Do you still love me like before although the stupidity I did?"**_ Darren asked desperate and expectant.

_**"Yes, I do."**_ You answered honestly, but a bit dejected.

Darren hugged you tight whispering some words in your ear before kissing your lips sweetly. Then you went to bed and he snuggled up to you, caressing your cheeks and looking deeply into your eyes. He told you beautiful words and he kissed your lips several times. Soon he fell asleep wrapping his arms around you and resting his forehead on yours. But you couldn't sleep. You remained looking at him sleeping peacefully; looking at the boy you loved but who broke your heart unintentionally. You knew that Darren loved you and he was really remorseful of what he did with Mia. You understood you and he weren't together that time and he never cheated on you. You still loved him and that was completely true. But now you were feeling different, now it wasn't going the same. A huge insecurity grew up within you. You didn't want to break up with him because you really loved him; but you couldn't avoid this feeling of being strained next to him, of being strained every time he hugged or kissed you. You shouldn't be feeling like this, but now you couldn't be as close as you were with him before. You've regressed instead progressing. And that was a really bad thing.

* * *

_**"Good morning, boo."**_ Darren whispered in your ear and you opened your eyes to see Darren smiling brightly in front of you.

_**"Good morning."**_ You answered with hoarse voice. Darren leaned to kiss your lips but you, instinctively, turned your face; so Darren kissed you on the corner of your mouth. You glanced at him and you saw Darren's sad eyes and you felt really bad. _**"I'm sorry, it was a reflex. I guess I'm still a bit sleepy."**_

_**"It's fine."**_ Darren smiled slightly at you, but he had still sad eyes._** "Do you want to have a huge and totally delicious breakfast?" **_Darren said smiling, snuggling up to you. You strained and shivered at his touch. Damn, why? It seemed that Darren noticed this, because he softened his hug, feeling a bit uncomfortable and looking down with a bewildered look.

_**"Yeah, I'd like it."**_ You said softly, trying to smile. You were feeling really bad because of your reactions, but you couldn't avoid it.

_**"Let's go, then. Chris and Matt are there already. Today is really a wonderful day. Cold, but sunny."**_ Darren said smiling brightly and then he pecked your lips. You let him doing it, but somehow you couldn't kiss him back. Darren smiled sadly at you and then he stood up, waiting for you.

_**"Go ahead. I'm gonna dress up and then I'm gonna go there in a few minutes."**_ You said shyly and still strained. Darren nodded looking down, a bit joyless.

_**"Okay. See you there, boo."**_ Darren said sadly and then he left the hotel room in silence, head down.

It took you a few minutes to dress up, but it took you more minutes to try to understand why you were feeling like this with Darren. You needed to change your attitude; you were making him feel really bad. He was still being the same boy you fell in love, he didn't change. So you needed to be more affectionate with him. After several minutes, you left the hotel room to go to the restaurant and find Darren, Matt and Chris sitting on a table and talking. Matt and Chris seemed cheerful and they were happy and laughing. Darren, instead, was just looking down sadly and thoughtful, with a slight smile on his face because Chris and Matt were joking. You walked to the table and sat next to Darren, who looked up at you when you arrived.

_**"Morning guys!"**_ You greeted Matt and Chris with a bright smile on your face. _**"How did you sleep?"**_

_**"Morning, lady!"**_ Chris said cheerful and politely. _**"How did we sleep, Matt?"**_

_**"Pretty well, I'd say."**_ Matt winked and both Matt and Chris laughed. Darren looked at them with a slight but sad smile.

_**"Something tells me that something happened."**_ You looked at them amused and curious.

_**"Well, things that happen."**_ Chris said mysteriously and winking.

_**"Pretty good things can happen." **_Matt said also mysteriously and winking.

"_**Is what I'm thinking?"**_ You looked at him amused and curious, and they looked at you with a bright smile and amused. _**"No fucking way!"**_ You burst out laughing.

_**"Woah! What the fuck did I miss here?"**_ Darren asked, now he seemed more cheerful.

_**"Oh, come on guys! As if we were twelve."**_ Chris said exaggeratedly and sarcastically, amused.

_**"Yeah, it's pretty clear you aren't twelve. If we had to judge by how fast things happened between you both, I'd say that you both have an average age of thirty."**_ You said jokingly, raising your eyebrows. You were making fun of them playfully, but actually you were super happy for them.

_**"You are more like fuckin' stallions."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow and also making fun of them.

_**"Preach."**_ Matt said mystically and then he winked at Chris, reason why you all laughed out loud.

_**"We have to make a toast. Too bad is the morning and drink champagne wouldn't be appropriate at this time."**_ Darren said, shaking his head.

_**"What the hell happened with that thing of being risky, Criss?"**_ Chris asked disorderly and wayward, but amused.

_**"Woah!"**_ Darren exclaimed loudly, raising his eyebrows, leaning back in his chair. _**"Who are you and what did you do with Christopher Paul Colfer?"**_

_**"The same I could ask. Who are you and what did you do with Darren Everett Criss?"**_ Chris asked opening his eyes widely and exaggeratedly.

_**"We seem to have exchanged our bodies." **_Darren said serious, shaking his head and you all burst out laughing.

_**"That would be kinda disturbing, actually."**_ Matt said frowning. And Darren looked at him mischievously.

_**"Hi love. Would you mind to meet me in our room in about five? I want to show you some wild fantasies I have in mind for the two of us."**_ Darren said pretending Chris's voice, with a mischievously smile and he winked at Matt. You all looked at Darren completely amused and you tried to hold back your laughter when you saw Matt with an expression of disturbance.

_**"Hey...BOO."**_ Chris emphasized, pretending Darren's voice and looking at you in a sexy way. He had to hold back his laughter when he called you the way Darren used to do, and you let out a low giggle. Darren looked down amused, shaking his head; at this time he was used of people making fun of him because of the way he was used to call you. _**"I have a totally awesome plan! We should totally throw cupcakes at walls and drink apple juice, then we can do sparkly things at the wall, you know we can go all the way and get all kind of love explosions. That would be so fucking organic, man!" **_Chris said overexcited, imitating Darren's voice and the way he was used to talk moving his hands, always very excited and intense. You couldn't hold back your laughter any longer, so you burst out laughing; that was hilarious, it was awesome how good Chris imitated Darren. Even Darren laughed out loud.

_**"Matt...Should we run away now? I think we found a pair of creepy men."**_ You whispered to Matt, but loud enough so Darren and Chris could hear.

_**"Yeah. I'm gonna bring this knife, just in case. We need protection and we must to be cautious." **_Matt said, grabbing the knife and hiding it on the hem of his jacket.

_**"It's too late. You guys are totally screwed."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow amused, but grimacing a creepy face.

_**"Oh fuck. Well, now really I could use that champagne."**_ You said shaking your head, pretending to be screwed.

_**"Don't count on me for the champagne at this time. I'm a civilized guy."**_ Darren said, raising his hands.

_**"Yeah, sure, Mr I'm gonna hunt a harmless animal and eat it like a cannibal."**_ Chris made fun of Darren.

_**"Hey man, what's your problem?"**_ Darren asked serious, frowning. _**"The cannibalism is a serious and sanguinary job. It's not a simple thing, dude. The pieces of human meat stuck in your teeth and you have no idea how fucking uncomfortable it is; not to mention the rotten breath."**_ Darren said still serious and you all laughed out loud.

You missed that hilarious and quirky sense of humour of Darren and you totally loved it. But...were you really comfortable with Darren now or were you just being like this because you were in front of Matt and Chris?

* * *

Darren, Matt and Chris were outside playing in a basketball court, laughing and competing to see who the best was. Of course Darren was losing because of his height; and Matt was the one who was winning, they didn't know that Matt played basketball for five years when he was younger. You had no idea of basketball, so you just decided to stay inside and read a book in the lounge. But you actually couldn't focus on reading; your mind was thinking a lot of things. After several times you read the same line, you gave up and stopped reading. You had a lot of things to do in that hotel, but you didn't know what to do. You thought of going to the health and fitness center, but you weren't feeling so good to workout. You also thought of going to the Spa, but you knew that there your mind was going to start thinking things you didn't want to think. It was cold to go to the pool, and even though there was also an indoor pool, you didn't want to swim. Maybe you could go to the Arcade game room, but you totally sucked at it. You looked around to find a thing to do and keep your mind busy; and there you found the answer. Near you, there was a piano. It's been a long since the last time you played the piano; you kept practicing since Darren taught you that through letters, and with time you were doing it better. Then you decided to play that song Darren taught you, that song you were practicing all the time, one of your favorites songs; and a song that meant a lot to you, because it was the song Darren chose for you to teach you how to play piano, the instrument you loved the most but you never learned how to play it; because it was the song that was in his letters, the letters that changed your life. You placed your fingers on the piano keys and you started to play the song with a huge smile on your face. It brought to you memory a lot of moments. You forgot everything that was around you to the point you started singing out loud. You didn't even notice that now some people were around you, watching you; and some of those people were Darren, Matt and Chris.

_**"Can I play with you?" **_Darren's voice asked and that was when you realized you weren't alone, that actually about fifteen people were around.

You got nervous all of a sudden because you didn't want anyone to see you; you tried to stop playing the piano. But people were looking at you smiling, as if they were enjoying seeing you playing the piano and singing. It actually gave you encouragement; maybe it was time to forget your fears and just play the song. After all, that moment wouldn't last forever, maybe you could do it. You looked up at Darren, who was smiling brightly and looking at you with sparkly eyes. You smiled back at him and nodded. Darren, smiling even more widely, sat next to you and he started playing the piano with you. First, you started singing and Darren was only playing the piano with you. But then, Darren joined you to do a duet. The very first duet you had, without counting that time on that eccentric bar when you were influenced by the powers of the aphrodisiac food. During the song, Darren and you couldn't stop looking at each other with bright eyes and a lively smile. That was your song, the song you heard the first time you met Darren in person. And now, finally, you were playing and singing that song with the person who taught you it through letters; a moment you were wishing for a long time. It wasn't as you imagined, it wasn't like you thought it'd be; but the feeling was the same you thought: pure joy. And that moment was perfect.

_**"When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?"**_ You sang, still playing the piano and looking only at Darren.

_**"Out of the sea, wish I could be."**_ Darren sang, still looking at you with joyful eyes and smiling brightly.

_**"Part of that world."**_ You and Darren sang in unison, looking deeply into each other's eyes, at this time it was with teary eyes of joy.

As soon as you and Darren finished singing and playing the piano, all the people around began to cheer with joy, and you and Darren hugged each other very tight. This time you didn't feel strained, you were just happy to finally have achieved one of your dreams: to sing and play this song with him.

_**"Thank you. I wanted to do this for so long."**_ You whispered with choked voice in Darren's ear because you were very touched.

_**"Me too. You were amazing, your voice...Goddammit! Is like a reverie, so sweet and wonderful. For a moment I thought you were Ariel, but then I didn't see the mermaid tail."**_ Darren laughed softly in your ear, still hugging you. He broke the hug to kiss your forehead really sweetly and then both Darren and you thanked all the people who were still cheering at you.

It was a weird moment, a moment you never imagined would happen. But it felt good, really good, to know you could make true one of your dreams. And making dreams come true was the best you could feel.

* * *

It was a sunny day, so at the afternoon; Darren, Matt, Chris and you were sitting on the grass, enjoying this wonderful day. You thought there was nothing better than feeling the heat of the sun's rays on a cold winter day. Matt was lying on the grass, his head resting on Chris's lap, while Chris was softly caressing Matt's hair with a sweet smile on his face. Darren and you were sitting next to each other, but you weren't being cuddly. At a time, Darren rested his head on your shoulder for a while; you let him doing so but for some reason you couldn't caress him as you'd have done before. So Darren just sat upright and he started playing with the grass, focused on his own thoughts; while you just lay down on the grass, looking at the sky, also focused on your own thoughts. You glanced at Matt and Chris; they seemed to be happy and in love and that made you smile. But at the same time, you felt a weird feeling, something you shouldn't be feeling because it was selfish; you wished you could be them, you wished you could be as happy as they were feeling, and you wished not to feel the way you were feeling with Darren. You should be happy for them because that was what you were expecting to happen, and that was all. But seeing them being very affectionate to each other was hurting you somehow. You needed to go away for a while to stop feeling like that. You suddenly stood up, and Darren, Matt and Chris looked up to you; Matt and Chris still smiling and Darren slightly frowning.

_**"I'm going for a walk. I'm going back in a few minutes."**_ You said softly and smiling slightly, trying to avoid Darren's eyes.

_**"I'm going with you. It's a nice day for a walk."**_ Darren said, also standing up.

_**"No, I'd rather go alone. If you don't mind."**_ You said looking away; you didn't want to see Darren into his eyes.

_**"Oh."**_ Darren exclaimed with bated breath, and it sounded dreary. _**"Yeah, I don't mind. Just be careful and...Enjoy it."**_ Darren smiled sadly and he sat on the grass again, this time head down.

_**"Yes. I'll be back in minutes."**_ You smiled faintly and then you turned around to leave behind Darren, who now was playing with the grass again, slightly frowning; and Matt and Chris, who looked at you frowning and confused.

You walked too far from where they were, looking all the wonderful landscape that was around you. You walked for several minutes until you arrived at the shore of the lake. That was a wonderful lake. You rested your body on a tree near you and you remained looking at the lake, still standing. You plunged in thought; it was a perfect place to think alone and peacefully, where you could be quiet and just think and relax. You remained thinking for a lot of time; you had no idea since when you were there, but it seemed it was a lot of time because it started to get dark. You knew that soon you needed to come back because you had to come back to NYC. But somehow you couldn't leave that place; you just needed more time there to clarify your thoughts. You were scared to come back and find Darren; you were scared to find him sad because it'd break your heart but in that moment you couldn't act in a different way with him. You really wanted to be with him because you still loved him, but you couldn't be with him while you were feeling this way, very insecure and sad because of what happened. Once again, you turned off your phone because you didn't want to be interrupted, so you had no idea if someone tried to call or text you. You looked at the lake once again and you plunged in thought again, but this time you grabbed a cigarette to smoke it, something you haven't done in months, but now you needed it. After few seconds, you heard some steps and you felt how someone stood next to you; but you didn't look at the person who stood next to you, you remained looking at the lake, still smoking the cigarette.

_**"Smoking is not good for your health."**_ Darren's voice said next to you. You glanced at him and then you returned your gaze to the lake. Darren was also staring at the lake, with his hands on the pockets of his jeans, serious and slightly frowning.

_**"Whatever." **_You answered faintly, still looking at the lake and smoking. Darren didn't do anything to take the cigarette away from you. He only remained looking at the lake, in silence.

_**"Soon we have to come back to NYC." **_Darren said softly, still with his hands on his pockets and looking in the same direction than you. _**"I tried to call you to tell you this, but you turned it off again. So that's why I came here to look for you, not to bother you."**_

_**"Yeah, I know. You're not bothering me at all. I'm sorry that I turned off my phone, I guess I just needed to be quiet for a while."**_ You said, now putting out the cigarette.

_**"It's alright."**_ Darren smiled slightly and then he finally looked at you. _**"Are you okay? Shit, that's a totally stupid question."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrows and shaking his head. _**"What's going on, boo? Why are you being like this?"**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes, with a sorrowful stare.

_**"I'm fine. I just...I feel weird."**_ You answered looking down and frowning. Darren also looked down sadly, as if he knew the answer but he didn't want to hear it.

_**"I want you to be fine; it's all that I want. If you aren't feeling comfortable with me like before, I won't force you to keep being my girlfriend; even though is going to hurt me deeply in my heart if you decide to break up with me. But I'm gonna take it, if that is gonna help you to feel better."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes distressed, but understanding.

_**"What? No Darren, I said I won't break up with you."**_ You said, now looking at him disturbed and frowning.

_**"But why are you being like this with me? Like totally distant and cold. Every time I want to hug you or kiss you, you just... draw away; you barely talk to me or look at me. It seems you want to be as far as you can from me. And it hurts to see you so distant because I know you're like this because of my fault, but I cannot do anything if you don't talk to me, if you don't tell what can I do. Because you told me I shouldn't be apologizing, but I have the need to do it, because you wouldn't be feeling like this if you really don't think I did something wrong. So I'm on a tightrope, not knowing if I should apologize, if I should give you some space, or if I should keep being as we used to be. Tell me what I should do! Help me to understand you and help me to help you. But be honest with me, please."**_ Darren said with trembling voice and looking deeply into your eyes distressed and not knowing if grab your hands or not. _**"Dammit! I cannot even grab your hands because I have no idea if you're gonna move them away or not. I'm shaky all the time!"**_ Darren exclaimed distressed, hitting the trunk of a tree near him, with frustration.

_**"I'm sorry."**_ You said with watery eyes, looking down. No, you shouldn't shed more tears, you needed to be strong; but it was hard. Darren's words made you feel really bad because you were making him feel miserable.

_**"No, hey..."**_ Darren softened his voice and he looked at you with pity. He hesitated a few seconds and then he wrapped his arms around you, making you rest your head on his chest, while he started to caress your hair reassuringly.

That was your point of weakness, when you broke down and you fell apart. You were being so rude to Darren, very distant and elusive. But he was always there to comfort you, to be sweet and warm you up. No matter what you did or how you were with him, he was always trying to make you feel better; while you just were harsh on him. How could someone be as Darren was after the way you treated him? You felt a terrible person and it made you cry even more inconsolably.

_**"I didn't mean to say all those awful things."**_ Darren whispered in your ear remorseful, still caressing your hair.

_**"No, you don't get it, Darren!"**_ You cried on his chest. Darren's heart was beating fast and his body was slightly trembling.

_**"Then help me to get it."**_ Darren whispered anguished, but still caressing your hair smoothly.

_**"You're always like this with me and I..."**_ You tried to say with choked voice, and you felt how Darren's heart started beating faster.

_**"What do you mean with that I'm always like this?"**_ Darren asked after several seconds, a bit jumpy.

_**"Like this! Always so affectionate and warm, after I treated you in a shitty way. And I'm a crap of person! Why? Why? You shouldn't be like this!"**_ You said upset with yourself, still sobbing on Darren's chest. _**"Look! You even let me cry on your chest, now your hoodie is full of tears and snot. And that's disgusting, but you're still here!"**_ You said still sobbing and with your nose runny. Darren let out a giggle and then he lifted your chin to look into your eyes, with a smile on his face. _**"And you're smiling! Why are you smiling? You should be mad at me and be making a grimace of disgust!" **_You said wiping your runny nose with your hands and Darren smiled even widely, grabbing you by your waist.

_**"This makes you look like more human."**_ Darren said smiling and covering his hand with the cuff of his hoodie to wipe away your tears and your runny nose.

_**"See? That's so disgusting! Now the cuff of your hoodie is impregnated of tears and snots!" **_You said shrilling and frowning and Darren giggled.

_**"It's not disgusting to me. I can wash this hoodie later, not a big deal." **_Darren said shrugging and smiling. _**"You're not at all a crap of person. It's understandable you're being like this, I only want to know what I can do to change it."**_

_**"I don't know, Darren. I don't even know why I'm feeling like this, I shouldn't be feeling like this. It's just I can't avoid it. I feel weird every time I'm with you, I feel weird every time you touch me or you kiss me."**_ You said confused yourself, looking down and Darren stopped smiling.

_**"What I did...It changed everything, didn't it?"**_ Darren asked downhearted.

_**"I don't know."**_ You answered honestly, looking down.

_**"But...Do you want to make this work? I mean...us?"**_ Darren asked a bit scared and nervous.

_**"I do. But I just...I don't know, I can't control what I feel. I don't wanna hurt your feelings but at the same time I can't avoid treating you like this."**_ You said distressed and displeased with yourself.

_**"You don't want to break up, do you?"**_ Darren asked with trembling voice and looking deeply into your eyes.

_**"I don't want it. But...I'm gonna hurt you, Darren and I don't want it. I thought I could clear up my mind by coming here alone, but it didn't work! And I have no idea what to do to change this feeling I have."**_ You said almost desperate and frustrated.

_**"I could take any kind of way you treat me. I could wait for you until you clear up things in your mind and I could help you. You don't have to do it by yourself. But only if you tell me frankly you still love me. If you don't feel the same love you had for me, I'm gonna set you free. But if not, I won't give up."**_ Darren said with trembling voice, still looking into your eyes, his heart beating fast.

_**"I still love you. But..."**_ You started to say.

_**"Then, there are not buts. That's all I needed to hear."**_ Darren said looking fixedly at you, more relaxed now. _**"We should go now, it's kinda late and it's not so very safe driving in the highway at midnight."**_

_**"Yeah, we should."**_ You nodded and you and Darren started walking.

_**"Can I hold your hand?"**_ Darren asked while you were walking and you looked at him with sad eyes. He shouldn't be asking this, but he was asking that because of your fault.

_**"Of course you can."**_

Darren held your hand and he kissed it softly, then he looked at you with a sweet smile and you smiled back at him, slightly. While walking, Darren caressed your hand with his thumb; it was a silent walking and you were a bit nervous and sad, but you were willing to make this work as Darren asked you. It was going to be hard, but you needed to give it a try. After all, Darren was the guy you loved.

* * *

_ONE WEEK LATER…_

* * *

From Darren:** Despite everything that happened, it was nice to spend a weekend with you somewhere else. I hope next time it can be more than a weekend!**

From Darren: **I'm lying in bed and it feels totally weird not being with you. Man that totally sucks. What if I sneak in your apartment? I could climb through your window, but damn. Why do you have to live in a high-rise? **

From Darren:** I give up. Maybe tomorrow I could sneak into your apartment but using your front door. Then, I'd sleep with you, snuggling up. Yeah, it's a cool idea.**

From Darren:** Goodnight, boo. I love you so much.**

From Darren:** Good morning, beautiful girl! Guess what I dreamed last night?**

From Darren:** Do you get my texts? Cause I think I'm not receiving yours. **

From Darren: **Do you know what's totally awesome? To drink a totally delicious coffee while going to the rehearsal. It'd be even better if today I get to see you!**

From Darren:** Are you at your apartment? I'm bringing food for two! Not sushi, I promise; not quirky foods I swear. Today's menu: fucking delicious Italian food. **

From Darren:** I'm here, outside your apartment. Hurry up! You really don't want to eat cold Italian food or you'll end up locked in the bathroom!**

From Darren:** Are you there? I can see the lights on. Don't you want to open me the door?**

From Darren:** Are you mad at me or something? **

From Darren:** Hey, if you need time to be alone or you just don't want to see me; just tell me, I'm gonna understand. But please at least reply my texts or calls!**

From Darren:** It has been three days and I don't have any news from you. I'm starting to get worried. Has something wrong happened?**

From Darren:** Hey boo! Chuck asked me if you want to join us. We're going to Madame Tussaud's New York. Huzzah!**

From Darren:** Boo, it has been five days! I went to your apartment almost every day and you don't open me the door and I know you're there. The other day I heard your voice! I text you and I didn't get even a damn text back! I call you and you hang up! If you don't want to be with me, just tell me. Just text me: "Darren you're so fucking annoying and you can suck my ass!" I don't know, just text me.**

From Darren:** Did I do something that bothered you? Am I annoying you?**

From Darren:** I'm at some random bar with Joey and I want eiowqoeoq**

From Darren:** Sorry, Joey took away my phone. Have you heard that song? I like that song is like you know, hey! We should sing this song.**

From Darren:** Did you know centipede don't have a hundred feet? Awesome, man!**

From Darren:** Joey told me I should stop texting you. It's funny, I got my phone back and he didn't notice it yet!**

From Darren:** Sorry for last night texts. I guess you already found out I was a bit drunk. Well, you surely found it out if you even read my texts. I'm not sure of that.**

From Darren:** Can you at least text me "fuck you"? Something. Just something.**

From Darren:** There's an option in your phone that is "Reply". You won't destroy the world if you press it, I swear.**

From Darren:** I hope you're doing fine. I love you.**

From Darren:** I miss you like hell, boo. Please, text me or call me back.**

Darren texted and called you all the week long. You felt bad not answering him, not texting him back, not calling him back, not opening the door of your apartment. But you weren't feeling good to talk to anybody. You spent the whole week lying in bed; you didn't even want to eat. Not only because you were feeling bad emotionally, but also because you were sick. Not having been wearing warm enough clothes on the weekend, made you catch a cold. That's why you didn't even go to work. As for Darren, you didn't know what to do. You wanted to see him, but at the same time you weren't sure if you'd be fine with him. You still couldn't stop thinking about him and Mia; you couldn't take it out of your mind. Anyway, you were a stupid and a really bad person because you didn't even answer a damn text.

_**"Damn! I have to force your door to get into your apartment! Where are you? We need to talk, now." **_You heard a voice from the living room that made you startle and get extremely scared. You covered your whole body with all the blankets.

_**"Not now. Go away."**_ You answered weakly from your bed.

_**"Yeah, sure. The fuck I'm going away."**_ Matt said, entering in your bedroom and walking toward your bed.

_**"Am I in troubles?"**_ You asked under the blankets.

_**"Hell yeah."**_ Matt said harshly, uncovering you.

_**"Fuck you! I'm cold, Matt!"**_ You grumbled, frowning and surly.

_**"I don't care a shit. Get dressed, now."**_ Matt said bossy and strictly, crossing his arms and looking at you serious. He seemed really angry.

_**"Matt, it's supposed when you're in love you're sweeter, not grumpier."**_ You huffed, still frowning and sitting in bed.

_**"Well, you're the last person who can say that. Get dressed now, we need to talk." **_Matt said raising his eyebrow and upset.

_**"What the hell is going on with you? I'm sick! I don't feel like doing anything."**_ You grumbled, grouchy.

_**"We're not going anywhere. We're gonna stay here, you're gonna take cough syrup for your cold, and we're gonna go to your living room to talk."**_ Matt said bossy. _**"Do I need to dress you or can you do it by yourself?"**_

_**"Screw you, Matt. Fine. Give me few minutes."**_ You groused and got up to dress.

_**"Just ten minutes." **_Matt said harshly and he turned around to go to your living room.

_**"Screw you!"**_ You yelled from your bedroom and suddenly a book hit your bedroom door, making you jump.

You dressed up bad-tempered and feeling very cold. Why the hell Matt was there and why was he so mad at you? And he forced your front door! You didn't want to talk to him, whatever he wanted to talk to you. You didn't feel good to see anybody and he was really bothering you. Anyway, once you got dressed, you walked to your living room, still surly. Matt was there with coffee for two, patiently waiting for you sitting on your couch and still angry. You sat next to him, cross-legged and crossing your arms.

_**"I don't feel like talking, Matt."**_ You grumbled, looking away.

_**"You're so stupid and childish."**_ Matt spilled out.

_**"Excuse me?"**_ You asked him in disbelief, raising your eyebrows.

_**"Don't play dumb. What the hell are you doing? What's on your mind?"**_ Matt asked looking at you upset.

_**"What are you talking about, Matt? You came here all grumpy and bossy and you didn't even tell me of what do you want to talk about."**_ You said bewildered.

_**"I'm talking about you and Darren."**_ Matt said roundly and you looked at him bemused.

_**"What? Why are you bringing Darren to this conversation?"**_ You asked, playing dumb. How the hell did he know? Chris, you thought.

_**"Give me your phone."**_ Matt requested bossy.

_**"I'm not gonna give you a shit."**_ You said defensively and getting a bit nervous. Matt couldn't see your phone; otherwise you were going to be screwed.

_**"Well, let's see. Where could you leave your phone?"**_ Matt asked and both of you stood up quickly to run to the nightstand. But Matt won you and he grabbed your phone.

_**"Give me it, Matt! It's my phone!"**_ You yelled angry, but Matt raised his hands so you couldn't reach your phone.

_**"Look! Twenty-five texts from Darren, texts that you haven't replied. Thirty missed calls from Darren! Six times Darren came to your apartment and you didn't open the door. Interesting."**_ Matt said sarcastically. _**"What the hell is wrong with you?"**_

_**"I'm sick, Matt! I didn't want to talk to anybody."**_ You answered angry, crossing your arms and frowning.

_**"You don't need to talk to text him back. That's a very lame excuse."**_ Matt said gruffly, looking into your eyes. "Would you tell me the truth now?"

_**"What are you now? Darren's best friend?"**_ You asked ironically and huffily.

_**"No, I'm your friend and I want to know why the hell you're acting like this! All of a sudden you disappeared and no one got news from you. How am I supposed to be calm?"**_ Matt reproached you. _**"Tell me what's going on with you."**_

_**"I don't want to talk about it."**_ You said coldly, looking away.

_**"Damn! Just tell me why the hell you're being like this!"**_ Matt yelled desperate and angry.

_**"Because I'm so fucking down and dejected!"**_ You yelled with choked voice and now with teary eyes. Matt looked at you puzzled, raising his eyebrows.

_**"But why?"**_ Matt asked now softening his voice and you burst into tears. Matt left your phone on the nightstand and he hugged you.

_**"I don't know what I'm doing, Matt. I don't know what to feel. I tried to forget it, but it keeps popping up into my mind!"**_ You said sobbing.

_**"Forget what?"**_ Matt asked softly, still hugging you.

_**"Darren was with Mia while we were distant. Like they went all the way. He was with her while I was doing my best to get him back. And I know he regrets it, I know he loves me. But I can't stop thinking that he was with Mia. Mia, Matt!"**_ You sobbed, trying to contain yourself. _**"And I can't be with Darren even though I love him. Because I feel weird when I'm with him. I can't even hug him because I just can't. And every time he hugs me or he kisses me, I can't avoid this weird feeling! And the worst part is that I found it all because of a magazine! I'd never have found it out if it wasn't for that magazine!"**_

_**"Calm down, Shorty."**_ Matt said reassuringly.

_**"What can I do Matt?"**_ You sobbed, now looking at him desperate.

_**"You should talk to him about this."**_ Matt answered calmly.

_**"I already did it, Matt. And I can't, because... He's this charming and adorable guy, and it breaks my heart to see him so sad. And I love him, Matt! But I don't know...I don't know anything."**_ You said with choked voice, tearing up.

_**"Listen, Shorty. Darren is a good guy and he truly loves you. He's really down right now; he doesn't know what's going on with you. He told us that you had a kind of argument when we were in Lake George, but he hasn't explained us the reason; he was blaming himself, is all that we knew. He couldn't stop saying that he was a fucking asshole and because of a stupid thing he lost the person he loves the most. We couldn't get why Darren was saying all of that; and then he told us that he spent the whole week trying to talk to you, but you were ignoring him; and he was saying that he deserved it because he was a dick but he couldn't give up on you, that he needed to see you. He even cried in front of us, although he denied it."**_ Matt said with soft voice, looking into your eyes. _**"That was why I was so mad at you. Because that day I got to see a new side of Darren I've never seen. He was so heartbroken that it made me feel pity. And I imagined him suffering while you were here, ignoring him and disinterested to know how he was feeling. And I couldn't get it because you always told me that Darren was the guy with whom you wanted to spend your life. I'm sorry to have been so rude to you, but I didn't know this that happened between you both."**_

Matt told you a lot of things that made you feel even worse. Darren was very distressed and you never thought about his feelings; you only focused on what you were feeling. While Matt was telling you all of this, you started crying even harder, but in silence. You were selfish; but at the same time, you still weren't ready to see Darren again. You wished that you could be more self-confident, because this way you'd be with Darren in this moment; because deep in your heart you knew that the reason why you were feeling weird was because you were insecure, because you were feeling that Mia was better than you, that she was a better option for him, because you were just a stupid and ordinary girl. But you couldn't deal with those thoughts.

_**"If there's something I can suggest you, is that you should come back to Darren. I never saw anybody to love in the way you guys love each other. Yeah, something really shitty happened while you were distant, but let it go! It was a mistake and all human beings make mistakes. You cannot throw to hell all you got for one only mistake. What you have to think is that Darren chose you, he's only with you and he'd never cheat on you, because he told us you're the girl he always imagined spending his life. So give him a chance. And if you aren't ready yet, at least tell him so and ask him to give you some space. But don't leave him like this, because he's really down and he doesn't deserve it. You have no idea all he's doing for you; he's so devoted to you. And, as your friend, I'm telling you that no one else would do all he does for you. I don't even know if someday I could do for someone half of the things he does for you."**_ Matt said raising his eyebrows and stunned while he was thinking about something you couldn't tell. He was being really honest with you. _**"Don't let him go, that's my advice."**_

"_**What do you mean? Why do you say that I have no idea of all he's doing for me?"**_ You asked muddled, now you stopped sobbing because you really wanted to know what Matt could see of your relationship with Darren.

_**"I won't tell you, you need to find it out by yourself. Someday, you're gonna see all of that and you're gonna realize that Darren is the guy who practically changed your life for good."**_ Matt said looking at you with a kind smile. _**"I'm so happy that you found someone like him."**_

_**"I'm happy too."**_ You said with a slight and sad smile, looking down.

_**"Hey! If you aren't ready to be with him again, just give each other some time and space. Then, when the two of you get to feel better, you can come back together and be happy as you deserve. This doesn't mean breaking up."**_ Matt said clearly, looking intently at you.

_**"Yeah, maybe you're right."**_

_**"So, what are you waiting for? Text him!"**_ Matt encouraged you and you hesitated, but then you grabbed your phone and Matt smiled proudly.

To Darren: **I'm really sorry to have acted as a totally dumbass. I wasn't going through a good moment and I didn't want to talk to anybody and I know that's stupid and lame. I should've replied you, you didn't deserve it all. Please, forgive me. **

You pressed the option "Send" and suddenly you get really edgy. Maybe Darren was really mad at you and now it was he the one who didn't want to reply you. And you had no idea of what Darren would answer. You were nervous because you knew you acted as a child, and you knew that you were in some kind of trouble, because you did something you shouldn't have done. What if Darren was going to think you were playing with his feelings? Matt noticed you were nervous, because he placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly, looking at you with a smile on his face. After few seconds you sent the text, your phone started buzzing and you got even more nervous.

_**"He's calling me!"**_ You told Matt with wide and disturbed eyes.

_**"Relax and just answer him. I'm gonna be in the kitchen."**_ Matt said soothingly, kissing your forehead and turning around to leave your bedroom. You took a deep breath before answering.

_**"Hi?"**_ You said with trembling voice. Damn, your body started trembling.

_**"Hi boo."**_ Darren said gently and almost in a whisper. Darren called you boo, maybe he wasn't so mad at you. You both remained in silence for a while; you didn't know what to say, it seemed your mind was blank.

_**"I'm sorry."**_ You finally said in a very low voice. Now you were feeling ashamed of yourself.

_**"No, don't be sorry. I was kind of annoying, texting and calling you all the time. You surely thought I'm a stalker."**_ Darren giggled, but you could notice it was a giggle with a hint of sadness.

_**"No, you weren't. You just wanted to know how I was and I was the jerk who was ignoring you. I'm sorry, I feel terrible."**_ You said with remorseful voice.

_**"Don't." **_Darren said softly. _**"I'm glad you texted me. I missed you like bloody hell."**_

_**"Yeah...I'm sorr..."**_

_**"Please, don't apologize anymore."**_ Darren interrupted you. _**"I shouldn't have texted you that much; you needed time and I, like a douchebag, didn't respect that. Have you missed me?"**_

There was an uncomfortable silence that lasted several seconds. You couldn't answer that question. All the time you haven't talked to him, actually you were busy on thinking about what you found out on Lake George that you didn't stop to think about Darren and how you missed or not him. Now you felt even worse.

_**"Never mind."**_ Darren finally said wretched and it broke your heart. _**"Are you feeling any better now?"**_

_**"I guess so."**_ You answered, still feeling bad because of Darren.

_**"That's a shit of answer. You should say. Yeaaaah Darren, I'm feeling totally awesome, let's go kick ass!"**_ Darren laughed softly, trying to sound funny and not sad. _**"That would be nice to hear."**_

_**"Soon you're gonna hear that and the first ass I'm gonna kick is gonna be yours."**_ You also tried to joke and it seemed it worked because Darren laughed softly. His laugh was something glorious to hear; it was cheerful, contagious and sexy.

_**"I'd rather if you caress it. It's not a good thing to have a bruised ass; it's so damn painful when you try to sit somewhere." **_

_**"Seems that you've experienced it before."**_ You said a bit amused, joking.

_**"No fucking kidding. When I was a harmless little boy, Chuck kicked my ass because I didn't want to give him my ice-cream. Not only I ended up without my ice-cream, but I ended up with a bruised ass. I couldn't sit anywhere for a whole damn week. My classmates called me the fatty ass because no kidding it was swollen. Since then I learned that I always have to give Chuck my ice-cream."**_ Darren told you amused and you started laughing out loud.

_**"Oh holy shit! That's so hilarious! Poor little fatty ass!"**_ You made fun of him playfully, still laughing.

_**"Hey! I don't have a fatty ass any longer."**_ Darren pretended to be offended.

_**"Yeah, sure. Haven't you checked your ass in a mirror? It's like very bulky."**_ You made fun of him again.

_**"I think someone has been looking at my ass."**_ Darren said amused.

_**"What can I say? It's very striking; it stands out in your body."**_ You joked and Darren laughed.

_**"Then I'm gonna compress it and I'm gonna have a bony ass." **_

_**"Please, don't! I'm gonna lose my lifeguard ring whenever I'm drowning!"**_ You exclaimed exaggeratedly, mocking him.

_**"Hey, you!" **_Darren exclaimed stunned and amused. _**"Then... Would you want to meet my ass one of these days?"**_

_**"Wouldn't you get jealous?"**_ You mocked him.

_**"No, I'm just gonna hire a private eye so he'd check if everything's going well." **_

_**"You goober."**_ You laughed softly.

_**"So, what do you say? Tomorrow night?"**_ Darren asked and you pondered about it for few seconds.

_**"Yeah, tomorrow night is fine." **_

_**"Great!"**_ Darren exclaimed, more lively now. _**"See you tomorrow night, then."**_

_**"Guess so. Don't forget to bring your ass."**_ You joked.

_**"Noted."**_ Darren laughed. _**"I love you."**_

_**"Love you, too." **_

You finally hung up and you lay down in bed. That was a weird and unexpected conversation. It was uncomfortable at first, but then you felt really comfortable, as you used to feel before. Once again, Matt was right. That was you needed, talking to Darren. Now you were feeling better and suddenly you didn't feel so sick.

* * *

From Darren: **I know I asked you out tomorrow night. But, can we change plans?**

You were lying down in bed, working on some papers of your work after Matt left your apartment, when Darren texted you. Why was Darren canceling your plans? Was he retracted?

To Darren: **Alright, I don't have any rush. Whenever you can, then.**

From Darren: **That's the problem.**

To Darren: **That you don't have time? Is okay, I understand.**

Yes, you replied that to him; but you actually were feeling disappointed and languid. You really wanted to meet him, and just when you wanted it; Darren didn't have time. You should be named the unlucky girl.

From Darren: **Not at all.**

To Darren: **Are we playing the guessing game?**

From Darren: **Hey! That would be fun! But I can't right now. I'm working and everything is a mess here.**

To Darren: **Okay, I got it! You can't tomorrow night because everything is a mess on your work. What happened?**

From Darren: **No, yes I can tomorrow night! Apparently you didn't get it. Good luck, next time!**

To Darren: **Go straight to the point because you're messing up my brain. **

From Darren: **Bossy woman! The problem is that I need you to rush. Could you come over here?**

To Darren: **What? Like, right now? But you're working.**

From Darren: **I'm gonna explain you everything later. Please, I need you to come over here as soon as you can.**

To Darren: **What if not? Are you gonna die?**

From Darren: **Something like that. So please, bring here your wonderful ass asap. I really need you.**

To Darren: **But you're working! I wouldn't want to bother you and I wouldn't want to intrude there.**

From Darren: **Oh fuck, screw my work! Imagine you're coming only to see me at some random place. Just please, come over here.**

To Darren: **Fine. Gonna be there in half an hour.**

From Darren: **Thank you a lot, you're the best!**

To Darren: **Bla, bla, bla. ****See you there!**

You sat on your bed, putting aside the papers you were working on. Why was Darren so desperate to see you right now, and at his work? That was really weird and you started suspecting. The last thing you needed was some kind of surprise. Anyway, you got up to dress something suitable, wondering why Darren wanted to see you in that moment. He never before asked you to go to the place he worked.

As you said, it took you half an hour to arrive where Darren worked. A polite man stopped you at the entrance and asked your name. Once you told him, he smiled politely and led you to where Darren was, right when he was at rehearsal. As Darren said, everything seemed to be a mess. People around were running strained and yelling, there were a lot of clothes and papers on the floor, there were people arguing and bad-tempered. What was going on there? You never imagined that working on a Broadway show would be like this. Why Darren wanted you to be there? It didn't seem a good moment. Finally the man led you to a room you recognized. It was the stage, but behind the curtain. The man indicated you to go to the stage, that Darren was there waiting for you, and then he turned around to leave that room. You heard Darren's voice arguing with another man, but you couldn't hear why they were arguing. Shyly, you entered in the stage. Darren was with the other man who was one of the main characters of the show. When you entered, Darren and the other man stopped arguing and Darren looked at you with a bright smile, walking towards you.

"_**I'm so fucking glad you came here."**_ Darren said cheerful, pecking your lips softly. He also seemed strained and it seemed Darren hadn't slept for days, because he had tired eyes and under eye dark circles. _**"It's a fucking damn mess; surely you saw it on your way here."**_

_**"Yeah. It was kinda disturbing. Is everything okay? Are you okay?" **_You asked concerned, looking into his tired eyes.

_**"Yeah, kind of. We have a big problem here. But hopefully we can solve it soon."**_ Darren said huffing tiredly. _**"How are you? Are you better? Damn, I hate the fact of meeting you again in this situation." **_

_**"I'm fine, chill out. Are you sure that you want me here in this moment? I don't want to bother you. You seem really busy."**_ You said nervous and uncomfortable, looking at the man who was behind Darren, who was looking at you suspiciously.

_**"Hell yeah. I needed you here. This is more like... Okay. First of all..."**_ Darren turned around to call the man who was behind him. The man approached you slowly and still looking at you suspiciously. Why was that man looking at you that way? It was intimidating. _**"This is Michael McKean. Michael, this is the girl I talked you about."**_

_**"It's a pleasure."**_ Michael greeted you politely, nodding his head.

_**"No, the pleasure is mine, Mr. McKean."**_ You greeted him also politely, but now you were stunned. Dammit, it was Michael McKean and you didn't recognize him in the distance! You were a fool.

_**"Well!"**_ Darren exclaimed raising his eyebrows. Was he nervous?

_**"This is not gonna work."**_ Michael said, shaking his head. _**"Not to underestimate you, young lady."**_ Michael said looking at you and you frowned, completely confused. Obviously you missed something there.

_**"Oh, come on, Michael! Don't be so pessimistic!"**_ Darren exclaimed a bit upset, looking at him frowning. _**"You didn't even see anything and you're already dismissing the chance to solve things."**_

_**"I'm not dismissing anything. But it isn't possible to get the same result. It took us months to get what we got and we're not gonna get it with a few hours of rehearsals." **_Michael started arguing and Darren got very upset. Meanwhile, you were feeling out of place.

_**"Do you have any other idea? Because you were complaining all the time, but you didn't give any solution. It's done, they're not coming back, we cannot change it, and we need to find a solution."**_ Darren argued very angry.

_**"We should cancel the show."**_ Michael answered calmly, shrugging. _**"That's the best solution."**_

_**"Oh no, that's not gonna happen. You heard the producer. We got into this mess, we need to solve it. He won't like the idea of canceling the show and lose money."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrows and looking at Michael sternly.

_**"Is gonna be the same if we don't cancel the show. People won't like a bad show. Again, not to underestimate you, young lady."**_ Michael said looking at you, but this time he seemed upset too. Why the hell he repeated so? Why were you involved in their conversation?

_**"You'd never know if you don't see it. Maybe this is gonna work. She's talented, and I'm not exalting and praising her because she's my girlfriend. Just give her a chance and then you can decide."**_ Darren said persuasively.

Oh fuck no. This wasn't what you were thinking. No, Darren would never do something like this to you. Suddenly you got extremely nervous and you wanted to run away from there. You shouldn't be there and you didn't want to think you were there because Darren thought you could be the solution of his problem.

_**"Fine. I'm gonna give her a chance."**_ Michael agreed and Darren smiled proudly. Then Michael looked at you and he gave you some papers. You grabbed them in shock and scared and you took a look. No way. _**"This is the script. You need to take the part of Maria. Let's see what you got for us."**_

_**"Yeah, wait, Michael. We need to explain her why she's here."**_ Darren stopped Michael.

_**"What? Haven't you told her why she's here? What a way to do things well."**_ Michael exclaimed in disbelief, smiling acidly.

_**"At least I'm doing something to find a solution."**_ Darren said harshly and serious. Then Darren looked at you a bit nervous and with pleading eyes. _**"Well, we had a very harsh argument with the main female character and she quit. And that's not all; we also had a harsh argument with the woman who was here to replace the main female character. The point is that both of them quit and we don't have any actress for the main female character. So...that's why you're here! So, this is like an audition, to see if you can play the part of Maria. Awesome, isn't it?" **_Darren exclaimed trying to sound excited, but he was completely nervous because he knew he did something he shouldn't have done.

You looked at Darren terrified and with eyes wide open. There was no fucking way you could do it. You couldn't play in a Broadway show in front billion people; you couldn't take the role-play of a character you had no idea how to personalize and interpret. You have no idea how the show was, which were the lines you had to say, how the whole acting was, how you had to move on the stage, when to appear. You had no idea. And they wanted you to do this for the show of that night. It was fucking impossible! And it was a main character, not a secondary one! You wanted to kill Darren.

_**"I won't do it."**_ You said in shock, and Darren sighed, looking down totally strained and desperate.

_**"Please. Just try it."**_ Darren begged you, looking appealingly into your eyes with desperation.

_**"I can't."**_ You said still in shock. Everything around you was blurry and you knew it was because you were panicking.

_**"Yes, you can do it."**_ Darren said still looking appealingly into your eyes, now grabbing your hands and encouraging you. _**"Imagine you're alone. Just focus on you and your passion that is theater. This is like your lifetime chance. Don't let it go."**_

_**"But Darren, the show is in a few hours. No one can carry forward a character without practicing it before, not even the best actor in world. And I'm not an actress; I was never on a stage. I can't do it, I'm really sorry, I can't." **_You said panicking and breathing fast. Darren placed his hands on your shoulders to reassure you.

_**"Calm down. I won't force you, I won't press you. I only want you to give it a chance. You don't lose anything by trying it now. Try it and if you don't feel comfortable, you can let it go. Deal?"**_ Darren said convincingly.

_**"Okay."**_ You answered shyly and still scared. Darren smiled brightly and then he kissed your lips sweetly.

_**"Remember. You're alone, imagine as if you were at your home alone, just fooling around. Don't feel strained, just relax and take it as if this were a game. Imagine as if you were that little girl you were, excited to perform that show in your school you always wanted but you never could. Imagine your..."**_ Darren started to say, but then he gulped because he didn't know if he was being inappropriate. Darren's eyes were teary.

_**"My father."**_ You completed what Darren tried to say. Was Darren trying to give you the chance of all the things you always wanted to do in your past but you never could? Because he could have called any other person to do this, people really talented; but he called you. Was this what Matt was talking about earlier? Was this one of the things Darren was doing for you? Suddenly you were very mushy. _**"Okay, I'm gonna do it."**_

_**"Do it for yourself. Not for anybody else."**_ Darren smiled fondly at you and then he pecked your lips. _**"Feel comfortable, I'm gonna sit over there."**_

You nodded and Darren sat next to where Michael was sitting, waiting for you to perform and show them what you got for them. You read the lines and you tried to get on character. But you weren't going to perform for them, you didn't want to show them if you were talented or not. You were going to do it because you were imagining your father was sitting over there with his huge smile, looking at you proudly, finally watching you performing. Indeed, you could see your father there. You did the best you could have done; it was only you, your passion and you father. You said all the lines and you were internalized with the character. When you finished, you saw your father with a huge and proud smile, cheering you. You felt really happy, a happiness that you never felt before; finally you did it. You tried to hold back your tears; you were feeling weak, but weak because of this huge joy. Then your father disappeared when you heard some claps. Darren and Michael were clapping at you. First, you looked at Darren. He was looking at you with a wide smile and proud shinny eyes. You wanted to run to Darren's arms, you wanted to feel the warmth of his body to find there some comfort. Your feelings were a mess of joy, happiness, fears, shame and jitters.

_**"Could you do exactly the same tonight in front of billion people?"**_ Michael said from his seat, smiling and stunned.

_**"I don't know."**_ You answered shy, nervous, and scared.

_**"Come on, young lady! If you say yes, you're hired. Your performance was outstanding considering you never practiced it. I must admit I'm really amazed. Good job, Darren."**_ Michael said joyfully, still stunned.

_**"I told you to give her a chance, Michael. She's talented."**_ Darren said smiling proudly and then he winked at you with his thumbs up.

_**"No doubts!"**_ Michael exclaimed excited. _**"Let's get down to work! We have to present a show tonight!"**_ Michael exclaimed, standing up and grabbing his script. Darren also stood up and grabbed his scrip, but he walked towards you with a huge smile.

_**"I'm so fucking proud of you."**_ Darren said sincerely when he was close enough and the he hugged you tight. _**"You shone; you totally shone on that stage."**_

You shed some tears of joy on Darren's chest before starting the rehearsal. This was a very happy moment for you, a moment you could never forget. And this was thanks to Darren, the guy who was trying to make all your dreams come true.

* * *

Before the first show you were going to perform in your whole life; you were freaking out, completely nervous and scared. It wasn't any show, it was a Broadway show and this was something you never expected in your life, but it was happening. Everything around you was blurry and you couldn't focus in anything. Behind the curtains, you heard a lot of people talking before the show started. You had the worst idea ever of spying how many people were there. The room was full, there were no empty seats. You heart started to beat really fast and you were having difficulties to breathe; a huge sense of panic invaded your body and your body started trembling. You couldn't do it, it was crazy to have accepted the role-play; you only practiced ten hours and that wasn't enough; this was going to be a mess and a failure. But also it was too late to retract. You'd have to go out there and embarrass yourself on stage. You were alone because everybody was getting dressed for the show or they were practicing their lines. You needed to keep your mind busy, but you couldn't move because your body was still trembling and you felt you were going to faint. But then you felt how a firm but warm hand rested on your shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. You turned around to find Darren looking at you sweetly and with a bright smile.

_**"Ready for your debut?"**_ Darren asked still smiling cheerfully.

_**"I'm gonna faint, Darren. I'm not feeling good, everything is blurry and I'm feeling dizzy. I wanna go."**_ You said in shock with trembling voice and panicked eyes. Darren looked at you amused, raising his eyebrows and then laughing.

_**"You're not gonna faint. I had the same feeling the first time I was right there, where you're standing."**_ Darren said calmly with an amused smile. "Do you remember my letters?"

_**"Yeah. But damn, Darren! It's not time to talk about our letters! I'm so fucking freaking out and I'm gonna pass out soon!"**_ You exclaimed terrified and jittery.

_**"Chill out, boo. You're gonna be fine and you're gonna rock that stage. I'm gonna give you some good advices and you'll see it's not that hard."**_ Darren said with a reassuringly smile, grabbing your hands. _**"So, do you remember my letters? Do you remember when I told you my experience of being on Broadway? Actually I haven't mentioned it was Broadway, because in that moment I didn't want you to know who I was, because it'd change everything. But I told you it was a super important event to me; well, I was talking about my debut on Broadway. Do you remember what I told you, how I was feeling in that moment?"**_

_**"You were scared the fuck outta you but you pretended not to be."**_ You answered automatically and without thinking, still in shock.

_**"Have I said that with those words? Damn, I need to be more mannerly."**_ Darren laughed and you laughed along with him, but it was a nervous laugh, you couldn't calm down. _**"So yeah, I was scared the fuck outta me and holy shit! I was freaking out. The room was just as full as now. It's like right now, you are me in my debut. But I could do it, you know why?"**_

_**"You said you saw your family and friends, that they gave you the courage to do it because they were proud of you. Therefore you performed for them."**_ You answered automatically again, you could remember exactly all he wrote in that letter and you got surprised because of this.

_**"Whoa! You have a good memory. Well, now look out there."**_ Darren said pointing you the curtain.

_**"I already did! That's why I want to go, I'm not ready for this and I'm gonna suck! I'm gonna screw everything!"**_ You exclaimed panicking again very altered.

_**"Hey, no!"**_ Darren said still grabbing your hands and making you look at him. _**"Look out there, trust me."**_

You looked at Darren frightened to the point you were feeling distressed; but you let out his hands to walk to the curtain and peer covertly through the curtain. It wasn't a good idea again because you started to freak out even more and your body started trembling again. But then, Darren stood behind you and he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

_**"Look at all those people. They're waiting for you to go out to the stage and see you shine. They came here to see you, this is your moment and no one is gonna take it away from you."**_ Darren whispered. Now both of you were peering covertly through the curtain and your body was still trembling.

_**"They didn't come to see me.**_" You said with trembling voice.

_**"They did. They came to see the show, and you're a main character. There are strangers; but look over there, to the first row."**_ Darren said kindly, pointing you some seats were some people were waiting. _**"Do you recognize them?"**_

_**"I do."**_ You said with chocked voice and teary eyes.

Now you were feeling very touched and emotional. Matt, April and Nick were there, with big smiles on their faces. Chris, Grant and Joey were there too; Chuck, Cerine and Bill too. You looked more intently and you also saw some of Darren's friends you met in Dockweiler Beach; like Joe Walker, Brian Holden, Joe Moses, Dylan Saunders, Lauren Lopez, Meredith Stepien, Bonnie Gruesen, Jaime Lyn Beatty and Julia Albain. All of them were talking excited and expectant, all of them seemed happy. You had no idea they were coming. But also there was an empty seat and you wondered for whom was that reserved seat.

_**"They all came to see you. Look how damn happy and proud they look!"**_ Darren exclaimed cheerfully, looking at you with bright eyes and a warm smile. _**"All your friends are here boo. For you. They're waiting to see your peak moment; they're hoping you to share that moment with them. Now look at 'em straight into their eyes. What can you see?"**_

_**"They seem happy."**_ You answered with choked voice, still emotional because they were there for you. They wanted to be in this moment very important to you and until then you never realized how much they loved you.

_**"They are. Because they're so proud of you, they're proud of how much you achieved since the time they met you. They're happy because they know this is what you always wanted to do and now you got it. Do you realize how fucking amazing is that?"**_ Darren exclaimed encouragingly and with a wide smile.

_**"I know this is craziness. But..."**_ You started to say with choked voice but still a bit nervous.

_**"I know you're so fucking scared now and it's completely natural. But do what I did in my debut. Perform for them. Whatever you do, they're gonna proud. If you forget your line, if you forget what you have to do, where to look, where to move; it doesn't matter. They're gonna be just as proud, because what they care is that you achieved your dream of being on a stage, your lifetime dream."**_ Darren exclaimed looking at you fondly and brightly.

_**"But..."**_ You started to say insecure, even though Darren was making you feel better.

_**"If you forget something, look at them and only at them. They're gonna encourage you to keep going. And if you forget something, I'm gonna lead you. But enjoy this moment as much as you can, because is all you dreamed. And I know it because you told me so in one of your letters. It's not Les Miserables, but is a Broadway show."**_ Darren said smiling and then he placed his hands on your cheeks, looking at you fondly. _**"All of your friends are your family. And in this important moment, now more than ever, also perform for those that now aren't here in this world but surely would be proud and happy to see you in your lifetime moment."**_

_**"You're gonna make me cry and I'm gonna screw the make-up!"**_ You said with choked voice and very touched, trying to hold back your tears of joy. Darren giggled softly and then he hugged tight.

_**"Let's go rock that stage. It's time."**_ Darren said smiling cheerfully and pointing you the blinking light.

You got nervous, but then you remembered Darren's words. You could do this and this was your lifetime dream. You needed to enjoy that moment because you didn't know when it'd happen again. You were going to perform for your friends who were there to see you as happy as you've never been before. Before going out to the stage, Darren grabbed your cheeks and looked deeply into your eyes.

_**"You got this. I fucking love you."**_ Darren whispered and kissed your lips deeply before going out to the stage.

* * *

Darren hugged you very tightly as never before when the show ended and you were behind the curtain, while you started shedding tears of joy. You did it without forgetting your script and what you had to do. You still were shocked because of all those cheering after the show ended; you couldn't take away from your mind all those people standing to cheer you all, and you couldn't express all your happiness and gratitude. Everything seemed a dream, too good to be true. Your heart was beating fast in excitement and your body was trembling with a mix of nervousness and liveliness. You did that what seemed impossible to you to achieve.

_**"You've come so far, boo. As your fellow worker, I'm so honored to have performed with you, as a team. As your best friend, I can say that I'm very happy for you. And as your boyfriend, I feel so fucking proud of you, of all you've got; and your happiness makes me so damn happy. You were born for this and I'm the happiest guy to have done this together."**_

Those were the words Darren told you once the show finished and you were in the dressing room, getting ready to go to the after party since this was the last show of the play. Indeed Darren seemed as happy as you were and he couldn't stop looking at you with bright eyes and commenting about some things of the play, very excited. Before going out to go to the party, Darren stopped you in the front door.

_**"We're gonna go out now and surely people are gonna ask for autographs and pictures. Don't freak out! You need to start getting used at this." **_Darren winked at you with a bright smile.

_**"Don't be ridiculous, Darren. It'd be odd if someone ask me for an autograph, that's not gonna happen; so I'm gonna wait you in the car because is so damn cold outside."**_ You said nudging him playfully.

_**"Well, then don't tell me I didn't warn you."**_ Darren said amused and mysteriously, raising his eyebrows.

Darren went out first and you stopped behind him shyly when he started to say a few words, thanking all people who were there. A lot of people started to take pictures and you just looked around with a happy smile on your face to see how excited those people were to see Darren, as you'd be if you were in their place. When Darren finished talking, he started to sign autographs and taking pictures with those people as he also talked to them. In that moment, you started to walk toward the car and wait for Darren there, but people also stopped you to ask you some autographs. What the hell? That was super odd and you honestly couldn't believe it. Why would someone ask you for an autograph? Why would they want it? That was nonsensical, you weren't anyone famous. But anyway, you signed those autographs and you took pictures with people around. In the distance, Darren glanced at you very amused and raising an eyebrow, with an expression of _"I told you"_; and you only looked at him frowning, confused and astonished because of this. While you were signing those autographs, people were flattering you, telling you that you did a great job and that they enjoyed very much the play; some of them also asked you if you really were Darren's girlfriend, some of them told you that they liked the idea of you dating with Darren, and some of them told you that they hoped to see you in another play; they also asked you few random things about your life. This was crazy, totally crazy. Of course you got in the car before Darren and you waited for him patiently, still thinking how weird and crazy all of this was. Years ago you were hopeless, thinking that your life would suck until your death. Months ago, you thought that finally you got to have a normal and stable life; with a job, an apartment and friends, and, oddly, with an extraordinary boyfriend. But this was beyond of what you expected for your life. This only happened in your dreams and it always seemed so hard and utopian to achieve. _"Dreaming is something that keeps us alive, giving us the strength to carry on, the reason that gives us a goal to fulfill. And when you're aiming too high on the moon and then you can put your feet on the ground, it'll be a wonderful thing."_ You remembered what Darren wrote in one of his letters. Indeed, this was being a wonderful thing, something beyond belief. After several minutes, Darren got into the car and he looked at your with an amused look and smile, wrapping his arm around your back.

_**"So, missy I won't sign autographs cause that won't happen...How did it feel?"**_ Darren asked amused and making fun of you, with a smile on his face. He was full of happiness.

_**"You, Mr. dork. Stop making fun of me."**_ You nudged him playfully, giggling amused. _**"I'm still waiting to wake up."**_

_**"What are you? The Sleeping Beauty?"**_ Darren laughed and you shook your head amused. _**"This is happening. You're a star, my dear love."**_ Darren winked at you and you giggled. _**"You rocked the stage, you rocked out there and now you're gonna rock the after party. Hey man! You rock like a whore."**_ Darren joked.

_**"Oh, you're calling me a whore."**_ You said looking at him roguishly, raising an eyebrow and getting closer.

_**"Not that look again. It'd be embarrassing for me to bring to the party my friend I have down here."**_ Darren warned you jokingly and you laughed out loud.

_**"Just because I'm a nice girl, I won't do anything now."**_ You joked, looking at him seductively but amused.

_**"I appreciate your attitude. But I could use a kiss now and let's leave the cuddling and necking for later."**_ Darren winked at you seductively, flirting.

_**"Seems a good idea."**_ You smiled seductively and then you chuckled before kissing him sweetly.

You kept talking and laughing as you used to do when you were completely fine; because in fact, you felt as if everything was alright now, you couldn't get why you were being distant with Darren if what you needed the most was to spend time with him. When you finally arrived to the after party, you looked at Darren, feeling happy to have a boyfriend like him, a boyfriend who was giving you the best moments in your life. When you got into the place where the after party was taking place, a lot of people started to take pictures and cheer. Again, this seemed very weird for you and you felt a bit dizzy and not knowing where to go, but Darren linked his arm with yours and he led you. Suddenly, still dizzy because of all the flashes of the cameras, you felt how someone hugged you by your legs. Sami was looking at you with a big smile on her face. Your eyes filled with tears because of the thrill you were feeling to see the little girl you loved again. You let out Darren's arm to kneel and hug Sami as tight as you could. Since you went to the hotel room where Darren was staying when you were distant, you never got the chance to see Sami again and you missed her very much. It was hard for you to be so distant from her after half year you lived together, you could say that she was like your daughter if you had to express how much you were fond of her. You didn't want to move away from her again, you didn't want to let her go, you wanted to live with her again and spend time with that little girl who changed your life.

_**"Are you crying auntie? Why are you sad?"**_ Sami asked with her sweet voice, a voice you remembered pretty well but you missed to hear.

_**"No, I'm not sad Sami. I'm happy, very happy"**_ You answered with tears of joy, looking at her fondly and smiling as warm as you could. _**"I just missed you."**_

_**"I missed you too, auntie! I want to come back to my room. When can I come back?"**_ Sami asked innocently, looking at you expectant and hopeful.

That touched you deep in your heart. Walking in your apartment and see Sami's room empty and in silence, without any toys on the floor and no papers and pencils around all the apartment; were one of the things that broke your heart when you and Darren were apart. It was very sad and weird for you to wake up and not to have to wake her up and make breakfast for her. Simple things that you were used to do when you lived with her that you missed so much as you never thought you would do.

_**"You know, that bedroom is gonna be always yours. So you can come back whenever you want. I'll be happy if you come and visit me."**_ You smiled touched, kissing her cheek fondly.

_**"I don't want to visit you, I want to live with you again, auntie. Can I?"**_ Sami asked expectant.

_**"Sami, we'll talk about it later. Now let your auntie to have fun with you and all the people who are here."**_ Darren suddenly said gently, behind you and Sami.

_**"But uncle! You told me last week that we were going to come back to live with her and we never did so!"**_ Sami complained frowning. You giggled because you knew that Sami, sooner or later, would say something she wasn't supposed to say, as she was used to do, and that was one of the things you loved the most about her.

_**"Sami..."**_ Darren said with a warning tone, looking at her serious, as he was used to do when this happened_**. "What do I always tell you about saying things we talk in private?"**_

_**"That I don't have to mention those things in public because is our secret."**_ Sami said looking down and as if she was feeling bad because she was scolded. _**"But you told me you also wanted to live with her now, the three of us together, like a family! Why didn't you...?"**_ Sami started to complain again and you looked up to Darren a bit amused because of what Sami said.

_**"Gosh, Sami!"**_ Darren exclaimed loudly and looking at her sternly. _**"Why don't you go to get some sodas for us? We'll talk about this later." **_

_**"Fine. You looked so wonderful tonight, auntie."**_ Sami said with a big and sweet smile on her face and she kissed your cheek before turning around and leaving. You stood up and looked at Darren really amused.

_**"So...living together the three of us, huh?"**_ You said with a mischievous grin.

_**"Yeah, well. You know how kids are..."**_ Darren started to say a bit nervous but trying to sound funny and you laughed out loud.

_**"Just let's go get some drinks, Darren." **_You laughed, making fun of him playfully.

_**"Good idea."**_ Darren said embarrassed but with an amused and cheerful smile.

The room was full and you couldn't see anyone when you walked to the table where the drinks were. When Darren was about to give you a glass of champagne, you felt how someone turned you around abruptly to pull you into a tight hug. At the same time you felt how other people joined the hug. Matt was burying your head on his chest while April and Nick were hugging you by your sides. You started to laugh along with them and then you looked at them all brightly. It was very special for you that they were there with you in that important moment for you. They seemed really happy and you stopped to think how amazing friends you had in your life now.

_**"You should have seen yourself tonight! For a moment I thought you actually were pretty!"**_ Matt joked while chuckling. He was very excited and jaunty.

_**"Excuse me? I thought you were going to say something... kinder."**_ You answered pretending to be offended, but actually you were amused.

_**"I'm your friend! Friends are supposed to tell the truth!"**_ Matt said shrugging and grinning.

_**"That's right, Shorty! You should keep that wig! Can you imagine how many guys would fall for you like that?"**_ April joked winking at you.

_**"Oh you too, April? No doubts you and Matt are cousins!"**_ You said shaking your head but smiling goofily.

_**"Hey guys, that wouldn't be a good idea. We don't want Darren to kill all the guys who are gonna fall for her with that wig."**_ Nick warned pretending to be serious and scared, but you could notice how he was trying to hold back his laughter.

_**"You have a point there, Nick. Darren and the wig are gonna be a problem."**_ Chris said serious, suddenly appearing behind you. _**"I can imagine the breaking news: Glee's Darren Criss in his attempt to kill a red wig is now jailed. Sources informed that the actor was running in the street with the wig yelling: Get out of my head, sneaky evil wig!"**_ Chris pretended a voice of a journalist. _**"It's disturbing, guys."**_

_**"Did someone say wig?" **_Joey suddenly appeared, wearing the red wig you wore on the play and you all laughed out loud. _**"Do you think I'm sexy?"**_ Joey asked with a seductive but dork look.

_**"That's a hot lady!"**_ Joe Walker said with a voice that reminded you when he played Voldy in AVPM.

_**"Hey, you! You have your Quirrell squirrel. That lady belongs to Draco." **_Lauren said pretending to be jealous and you laughed again. _**"What a nice red wig! I can draw, you know? Not like that Hermione."**_

_**"But... I'm reading a book!"**_ Bonnie pouted behind Lauren.

_**"Yeah, thanks Hermione!"**_ Joey said taking off the red wig.

_**"Hey! Kill the spare, kill the red wig!"**_ Darren finally talked, looking at the red wig as if it were something terrific.

You all laughed out loud, so loud that people around turned to see you. It was amazing being around all of them. It was amazing seeing your friends getting along with Darren's friends, as if they all were friends for a long time. You felt really comfortable and happy, thinking that you wouldn't change this for anything in the world. They all kept joking and talking while you just were looking at them, happy to be part of all that you never imagined to live.

_**"I'm gonna take advantage that you're very lost in thoughts to congratulate you for your incredible performance."**_ Grant said with a big smile, suddenly standing next to you.

_**"Thank you a lot, Grant. Long time I don't see you."**_ You looked at him with a warm smile.

_**"That's true. My fault!"**_ Grant giggled softly and he wrapped an arm around your back, rubbing your arm warmly. _**"Sami has told me you've done a good job. She's even more fascinated with you. What do you do to people?"**_ Grant giggled and you did the same.

_**"I don't know. Maybe I have powers and I haven't found it out yet."**_ You said shrugging, amused.

_**"I'll be careful, then."**_ Grant joked and then he hugged you, something that surprised you. _**"Thank you for what you did. And I can honestly say you deserve this moment, your moment of glory."**_

_**"It's not like that, Grant! I just performed this night, not a big deal. Well, it is for me...but you know." **_You said shyly and feeling very flattered.

_**"The way you did it...I have no doubts that soon you'll have to hire a manager."**_ Grant winked at you and smiled kindly.

_**"I'm sorry to interrupt you guys. But, if you excuse me Grant, I need to hug my before long sister-in-law."**_ Chuck said next to you with a bright smile. You looked at him cheerfully and Grant stepped back, letting Chuck to hug you very tight.

_**"I thought you wanted to hug me, not to strangle me!"**_ You chuckled while Chuck was still hugging you.

_**"Some people tell me I'm very effusive. I'm still trying to find out the reason."**_ Chuck joked and then he looked at you brightly. _**"This is my way to say that you rocked the stage tonight."**_

_**"Thank you, Chuck! But I wasn't..."**_ You started to say shyly again. It was a bit uncomfortable being flattered this much, more than you've been flattered in your whole life.

_**"Oh no! Stop with that modesty. You were stupendous, so embrace it and be proud of that, exalt it!" **_Chuck exclaimed encouragingly and you giggled amused, still feeling very flattered.

_**"Chuck is right, sweetheart. You were wonderful tonight."**_ Cerine said with a big smile and then she hugged you.

Tears of joy filled your eyes when Cerine hugged you. You couldn't tell why you felt it was as if your mother was the one who was hugging you. A hug from a mother that you always needed and you were always hoping to get someday. It felt really weird, but really good. Was this the way how it felt? Was this what people were used to call mother love? She was very sweet with you and you could never express her all the love you felt for her, even though you haven't spent much time together. Somehow, you found in her the mother you never had.

_**"We're proud of you, and we're very happy and delighted that Darren has found someone like you." **_Bill said kindly, also smiling warmly at you and you felt even more touched.

_**"Yeah, I don't know how that asshole got you. What did you see on him?"**_ Chuck joked and you all laughed. _**"Better if he doesn't let you go or I'm gonna kick his ass for being so stupid."**_

_**"Well, maybe I am the lucky one."**_ You said blushing because of all the flattering.

_**"What have we agreed about the modesty? He's a damn lucky guy. The way things are."**_ Chuck interrupted you quickly and then he glanced behind you. _**"I think someone wants to talk to you."**_

You quickly turned around to see a man who was standing there, looking straight to where you were. Your older brother was standing there with a little girl on his arms. That empty seat you saw before the show started surely was for your brother and that little girl. Your body started to shake as soon as you saw him and you started to walk toward he was. You looked into Jack's eyes with teary eyes and then you looked at the little girl. You saw her resemblance of Jack. The little girl had his eyes and his hair; she was a really beautiful little girl. She was definitely Jack's daughter and you were finally meeting her, your niece.

_**"Hi, pretty girl."**_ You greeted the girl caressing her cheek and looking at her sweetly, very emotional.

_**"Hi, aunt."**_ The little girl greeted. Her voice was soft and sweet, like an angel; and she was smiling lovingly. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard she called you aunt; and this time you couldn't avoid the tears of joy falling down your face. _**"My daddy told me you were beautiful, but you don't have red hair." **_The little girl said frowning confused and you giggled softly and it was a choked giggle.

_**"Amy, that was a wig."**_ Jack said with a soft giggle, kissing Amy's forehead.

_**"Amy is a wonderful name, like a princess."**_ You said sweetly. _**"In my house I have a lot of dresses for you, princess dresses. I'm sure you'd love them."**_

"_**Really? I'd like to have a princess dress and I'd like to go to your house, aunt."**_ Amy said with a bright smile and sweet voice. _**"We could play as if we were princesses like that movie! The movie we watched daddy! Where the princess sleeps a lot!"**_ You and Jack laughed out loud because of her sweetness.

"_**The Sleeping Beauty!"**_ You exclaimed looking at her brightly.

"_**That one! Do you also like that movie?"**_ Amy asked innocently.

"_**Of course I do! Ask your daddy how many times I watched that movie when I was a little girl like you!" **_You said chuckling and looking at her amused and lovingly.

"_**We could watch that movie together!"**_ Amy exclaimed looking at you very excited.

"_**We're gonna do it soon, Amy. Now go play with your new friend Sami so your aunt and I can talk a bit."**_ Jack said kindly and Amy nodded excited, going to where Sami was and they both started playing around.

"_**So this is Amy, my niece. Is so marvelous to have met her finally!"**_ You said thrilled, still with tears of joy in your eyes. _**"Why are you here Jack?"**_ You asked overjoyed, looking at your older brother who you missed a lot; very happy because of the fact he was there.

"_**How would I miss the debut on Broadway of my little sister?"**_ Your brother answered, also thrilled and looking at you proudly.

"_**How did you know about this? Everything happened so fast that I couldn't…"**_ You started to say but Jack interrupted you.

"_**I got a call from your boyfriend. But the important is that I got to see you shine tonight. I'm so proud of you and all you got!"**_ Jack exclaimed with choked voice and moved.

"_**Oh Jack!"**_ You also exclaimed with choked voice and watery eyes before hugging him very tight.

This moment was even more special to you. Not only was our debut on Broadway, but you were surrounded by all the people you loved so much and who loved you. That was the moment when you realized how loved you were and how many people you truly loved , people that made you feel as if your life was complete as long as they were part of it.

_**"Even though we aren't completely blood brothers, you're gonna be always my little sister and I'll always be proud of you."**_ Jack whispered thrilled in your ear, still with choked voice.

_**"What? What did you say?"**_ You broke the hug to look at him very confused. Why did he say you weren't blood brothers? What was that?

_**"Yeah, that was what I wanted to talk to you about. But we never had the chance to see each other again."**_ Jack said with a slight smile on his face and you frowned, still confused and starting to freak out.

_**"Jack. Why did you say it?" **_

_**"Well, there was a reason why mom never loved you the same way she loved us."**_ Jack said a little nervous.

_**"Jack, just tell me what's going on because I can't get this and I'm very confused."**_ You said with trembling voice, not sure if you wanted to know the answer in that moment.

"_**This isn't the right moment. You should be enjoying…"**_ Jack started saying, trying to be calm.

"_**Jack, just tell me."**_ You demanded exasperated.

"_**Well…Haven't you ever asked yourself the reason why I'm extremely older than you?"**_ Jack asked nervous and you shook your head, a bit terrified to hear the answer. _**"Well, mom and dad got married when they were very young, but before you were born, they divorced. They were divorced for eight years and dad married with another woman. Dad and the woman divorced and he got married with mom again. In that time dad had you with that woman, so you aren't mom's daughter. So we're like step-brothers."**_

_**"Are you telling me that I have another mom? That I have a real mother? What are you telling me? Where is she?"**_ You asked with trembling voice and your body was shaking because of your nervousness and confusion.

_**"Yes. You have another mother. But unfortunately she's dead now, so that's why you came to live with us and that's why my mother never loved you and always treated you the way she did. I'm really sorry; I found it out recently and..." **_Jack started saying remorsefully and nervous, looking down.

_**"No, it's fine. I...Oh my God."**_ You said with choked voice and completely messed.

This was something you'd never expected to happen. Everything started to make sense now, but anyway you were feeling extremely weird, as if something very important to you was taken away. You had another mother, your biological mother that you never met. A mother that maybe loved you; a real mother. You weren't supposed to be feeling this way, but suddenly you felt relieved. That was a really odd feeling. The mother you had in your whole childhood wasn't your real mother that was the reason why you never felt how's to have a mother. Far away, you had a mother you truly loved you and the memory of that in your unconscious surely was the reason why you felt odd when Cerine hugged you, because you were remembering the love that your biological mother gave you while it lasted. You felt relieved to know that the terrible and awful person that was your step-mother wasn't your real mother; you had nothing to do with that flint-hearted woman. Of course this was very intense and stunning, but it was a good thing to know. Your brother hugged you tight again, still feeling remorseful.

_**"I'm happy to know she wasn't my real mother, Jack. I shouldn't be feeling like this. But I'm really happy. There was a time when I had a true mother who gave me all her love while it lasted and I'm blissful for that."**_ You said with choked voice and shedding some tears. _**"Thank you for telling me this, Jack. And you're gonna be always my brother of heart and nothing's gonna change my love for you. You've always been a true brother, my support." **_

_**"Aren't you mad at me? Don't you feel anything different for me now?" **_Jack asked a bit insecure.

_**"Not at all. Whether or not my blood brother, you always acted as if you really were, and that's what matters, that's what makes us real brothers." **_You said looking into his eyes, touched and with a warm smile.

_**"And I'll always be like that if you let me."**_

_**"Of course! We're gonna get back all the lost time, and now with my precious niece."**_ You smiled at him and kissed his cheek.

You and your brother continued talking as real brothers, getting back all the lost time. This moment was one of the best moments in your life; it shouldn't be like that, but it was how you felt. But suddenly you saw something that changed your mood and that turned this good moment into a really bad moment. Darren was talking to Mia. But they weren't talking normally; Mia was grabbing Darren's arm with one of her hands and with her other hand she was caressing Darren's hair; and Darren had placed a hand on her waist. They were very close, laughing intimately. You felt how everything around you was collapsing, feeling extremely down while you felt how something intangible was piercing your heart. Why were they doing it? Has Darren taken advantage that you were distracted to get close to Mia? After all that happened Darren was still doing it, something that he knew it hurt you deep in your heart. You couldn't understand it; you thought you were fine now, but seeing that made you feel as you felt those days in Lake George. Maybe Darren was still confused with Mia. You couldn't stand seeing that situation; you couldn't pretend in front of everybody that you were fine. You felt really sad and dizzy, you needed fresh air. Then you saw it. You saw how Mia kissed the corner of Darren's mouth. It was too much to you to bear. Without saying anything to anybody, you left the party in silence, trying to sneak out inadvertently. No one noticed that you left the party and you went straight to your apartment walking in that cold night in NYC, crying in silence. Everything was a mess again. Once again, you felt weird and insecure. Maybe this time the best was to be apart from Darren for a while for your own good.

* * *

_TWO WEEKS LATER…_

* * *

"_**Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you!"**_ You heard the voices of Matt, April and Nick singing to you.

Slowly, you opened your eyes and looked at them all around your bed. Surely Matt forced your door again to sneak in; you really needed to take safety measures in your apartment or soon a thief would break in. But this time you smiled when you saw Matt, April and Nick standing there with a birthday cake for you. Your birthday never was an important day for you, it was just a normal day that you knew you were going to spend alone and you would get no greeting, no cake and no gift. You never had a party and you never celebrated it. Usually, in your birthday, you were used to go to your dad's grave; when he was alone things were different and he was the one who always celebrated your birthday but since he was gone, all that disappeared. And now it was different. Your friends remembered it and you haven't even reminded them it.

_**"What it is?"**_ You asked with hoarse voice, sitting in your bed, still sleepy but smiling surprised and happy.

_**"Well, since you don't go out your apartment since weeks and you haven't talked to anyone, we thought we could pretend is your birthday, so we all can eat cake and get fat. Good idea, isn't it?" **_Matt joked, sitting in your bed next to you with the cake in his hands.

_**"Are we gonna pretend is my birthday? Then where are my presents? I want a car."**_ You joked, looking at them all amused. You'd never get tired of your friends and their sense of humor, always trying to make you feel better.

In fact, you haven't talked to anyone and you haven't gone out your apartment in weeks, since the time it was your debut on Broadway and you saw Darren with Mia. Once again Darren tried to talk to you and to see you, but you ignored him. You haven't ignored him because your intentions were to make him feel miserable, but it was because you weren't ready to see him again and talk about all you wanted to talk to him. Obviously, to have seen Darren with Mia made you feel terrible after you read that damn magazine and you needed to clear things, you needed Darren to be honest with you and you needed him to tell you all he actually felt for Mia; but you weren't ready to hear his answer. The worst was that soon Darren needed to come back to LA and then you wouldn't see him for months. That was another thing that was making you feel terrible. Even though things between you and him could be solved, it'd kill you to be so far away from him. Yes, you could be apart from him for six months before, but now you weren't sure if you'd be able to be in a long distance relationship; you needed to be close to him, to feel him next to you, to feel free to snuggle to him every day; but that wouldn't happen. Summing up, you were a mess.

_**"It's not a car, but we cooked this cake with all our love. It counts, doesn't it?"**_ April said, also sitting next to you and resting her head on your shoulder with a smile.

_**"And we planned all you're gonna do today. It's gonna be a mystery!"**_ Nick winked and smiled mysteriously.

_**"Oh no. I must admit that your plans freak me out. I think I'm gonna say I'm busy."**_ You joked, pretending a terrified face.

_**"Yeah, sure. You, busy! Busy being lazy in your bed all day long? Two weeks were enough! It wouldn't hurt you to see the sunlight."**_ Matt said, uncovering you and giving you a box.

_**"What is this?"**_ You asked intrigued, receiving the box.

_**"Shorty, I'm pretty sure you have hands to open it and figure it out by yourself."**_ April joked and you nudged her playfully.

_**"Well, happy birthday!"**_ Nick, Matt and April said at the same time when you opened the box.

Inside the box there was a beautiful dress you wanted to buy long time ago but you never could. Once, when you hung out with them, you mentioned you loved that dress, but you only mentioned it and they remembered it. It was really nice form them. This was your first birthday gift in years. Actually you didn't care about material gifts; your best birthday gift was to be with them. You hugged them all in a group hug, thanking them for all they did for you, not only now but always. You were feeling very mushy and they made fun of it, but you knew they were feeling exactly like you.

_**"Come on, stop with this entire twee thing and get dressed! We have a lot to do today!" **_Matt said enthusiastically, still making fun of you, but however he hugged you very tight and kissed your cheek before standing up to leave your bedroom and let you get dressed.

April and Nick also hugged you before leaving your bedroom. Indeed, they knew how to make you feel better and how to make you feel forget about all the things that were making you feel down. Suddenly, this seemed a good day very different from the last two weeks. Somehow, you had a good feeling.

You got dressed and they took you out your apartment without saying you a word even though you insisted. It was crazy to go out your apartment after a long time. The day was very sunny although it was cold. Everything seemed really nice and positive, feeling you haven't felt in a long.

Everything seemed normal, but in a moment you found out there was something odd. It came a moment when you stopped in a place because April wanted to buy something and everyone got distracted, and in that moment a man came close. You didn't know that man, but that man seemed to know you. Oddly, he smiled at you and without uttering a word he gave you an envelope and then he left. You tried to stop him and tell him that probably that envelope wasn't for you, but the man got away very quickly. When you looked around to see where Matt, April and Nick were, they disappeared. You looked for them inside the store where April was going to buy something, but they weren't there and they weren't in any store near there. Where were they? Few minutes ago they were near you; they couldn't be so far from you were. You called each one of them, but you only got their voicemail. What was going on? You didn't know what to do. For the first time, you felt lost in NYC. Nervous, you sat on a bench near where you were to wait for them. Sooner or later they'd find out you weren't with them and they'd look for you. But several minutes passed and they didn't arrive. You looked the envelope you had and, intrigued, you opened and read it.

**"Confidential mission: The birthday project. Objective: To make this day the best day for the birthday girl that from now on we're gonna call the beneficiary. Instructions: The beneficiary must follow all the clues and be very sharp-eyed to find all the hidden clues and atypical events along all day. First clue: The beneficiary must follow the man who's wearing quirky clothes. The beneficiary must not talk to the man or the consequences are gonna be severe. Estimated duration of the first phase: Five minutes to find the man. With this, the mission has started."**

You looked at the note frowning because this surprised you. Now, you were feeling really amused. So this was the plan plotted by Matt, April and Nick. In fact, this was very different from all the birthdays you had in your life and you were liking it. How come they could be so creative? You stood up to look for that man who was wearing quirky clothes. It took you two minutes to find the man who was dressed as TinTin. Was Darren involved on this? Because it made you remind of him, when he sent you a picture of him wearing those clothes on one of his letters. The man looked at you and he started walking; quickly, you followed him and you tried to ask him something, but the man didn't answer you. That man led you to a Starbucks coffee. When you got in, the man left and you looked around, not knowing what to do. There was nothing unusual. You sat on a table, looking very intently around you to find some kind of clue, but there was nothing. A waitress came closer, that was weird. It was supposed that you needed to order your coffee in Starbucks, no waitress would walk to you to ask your order. And the waitress gave you a coffee you haven't ordered. You tried to tell her it was confusion, but coincidentally, it was your favorite coffee and it had a note.

**"The beneficiary has found the second clue. Free coffee for a cold morning. Estimated duration of the time the beneficiary has to drink the coffee: Ten minutes. If the beneficiary doesn't finish drinking the coffee in that time, the beneficiary would be forced to drink her coffee in her way. Next instructions: Find a significant person. The significant person will guide the beneficiary. The significant person is gonna talk to the beneficiary but the beneficiary must not talk to the significant person."**

This was very fun and intriguing. Who would be that significant person? You started drinking your favorite coffee and you haven't finished it when you saw a guy entering the coffee shop. You recognized him instantly. It was Joey and he had a packet in his hands. You stood up to go where he was and he hugged you when he saw you.

_**"Happy birthday, girl!"**_ Joey exclaimed cheerfully. _**"This is one of your birthday gifts. Don't open it now. Here, you'll need this to put all your birthday gifts."**_ Joey said, giving you a big backpack.

_**"What?"**_ You asked intrigued, receiving the backpack and putting the packet in it.

_**"You aren't supposed to talk to me, and don't you dare to ask me anything because I ain't telling you a shit!"**_ Joey exclaimed amused and then he linked his arm with yours. _**"This is gonna be a special birthday for you and you have no idea all the people who are involved. So, you just enjoy because this is gonna be totally awesome, girl! Let's go."**_

You nodded amused and you and Joey got out the coffee shop and started walking peacefully. You had no idea where he was taking you, but you kept walking in silence but happy. Finally you arrived to Manhattan Mall and you entered there.

_**"So far we have come to my part of the mission. Now you have to find someone who's gonna guide you. Good luck!"**_ Joey winked and hugged you before turning around to leave. You tried to stop him, but he ignored you.

Once again, you didn't know what to do in that place until a few minutes you saw that someone standing in one of the shops. Chris was standing with a big smile, looking at you fixedly. You walked towards him and he hugged you.

_**"So is your birthday and every birthday girl deserves a great present. Let's start shopping as insane people! I won't accept any complain and you'll take all I'm gonna give you. Important thing, you can't talk to me!"**_ Chris said mysteriously and joyfully, linking his arm with yours and leading you inside the clothing store.

Chris started to look all the clothes of the store and he grabbed a lot of things for you, to mention some dresses, shirts, jeans, skirts, coats, jackets, scarfs, purses, hats, shoes, heels; of all the colors and fabrics. It was crazy all the things that Chris was choosing and you had no hands to grab all of those clothes, beautiful clothes you never imagined to have some day, it'd be hard to choose one of them.

_**"If there's something I learned from Kurt is about fashion. I think you'll look flawless with all of those. Do you like them?"**_ Chris asked, seeing a crochet beret and grabbing it. _**"This one too."**_

_**"You're crazy if you think I'm gonna try on all these clothes. I have no idea what to choose."**_ You said frowning looking at all the clothing that Chris gave you.

_**"You don't have to choose. You're gonna take all these clothes and I know your clothing size thanks to a confidential information source."**_ Chris said mysteriously and amused and you looked at him stunned with eyes wide open.

_**"No way! I won't take all these clothes. I don't need all these clothes and it's gonna be super expensive. No, I won't accept it, Chris. Thank you a lot for your intention, but I can't."**_ You refused strongly, starting to leave the clothes where Chris took them. It was insane and you couldn't take it all.

_**"I forgot the part you couldn't talk to me and now I realized why you couldn't talk to me. They warned me you'd do something like this."**_ Chris said thoughtful and grabbing all the clothes he grabbed before.

_**"Who are they?"**_

_**"I won't tell you. Let's do something. Wait for me in those seats there."**_ Chris said pointing you the seats. _**"It won't take me so long to buy this. Give me your backpack."**_

_**"I won't give you the backpack. You're not gonna buy all these clothes."**_ You refused strongly again, grabbing your backpack to avoid Chris to take it away from you.

_**"You're not able to talk to me and you have to take my orders. The mission is like this, after the mission is finished, you can complain or whatever. But now, lady, you're under my orders."**_ Chris said firmly and amused, taking your backpack and you looked at him frowning and not pleased for this. _**"Go and sit, I'm gonna join you soon. A little advice. Relax and enjoy this special day. Today is all about you and we all are glad this to be like this."**_ Chris said determined with a big smile on his face. You grumbled and huffed before going to sit in silence.

It didn't take to Chris so long to come back. He returned with you backpack full. You looked at him not so very pleasant of what he did, but really happy and thankful. You had no idea how you'd pay back all of your friends were doing for you.

_**"Fine, this is when I have to go. But first I need to tell you two things. First, I wish you the best birthday and I hope you can enjoy it as much as we enjoyed planning it, otherwise we're gonna fail with our missions."**_ Chris joked looking at you amused and you smiled nicely at him. _**"Second, your next clue is that you have to find inside this mall something that you really like since you were a kid. There you'll find a note. Good luck!"**_ Chris exclaimed joyfully before leaving the clothing store.

You left the clothing store and you looked around the mall to try to find that something you liked since you were a kid. That was hard, you liked so many things that you actually didn't know what to look for. Even though this was hard and the mall was huge, this was really exciting and something really unusual so you were loving it. After several minutes you walked around the mall, you finally found it. Near the fountain of the mall, there was a toy and it wasn't any toy. It was Ariel. You walked to the toy with a huge smile on your face, but there was no note. Instead, there was a button that said "Press me". As obedient girl, you pressed it. Ariel started talking loudly and you blushed and got nervous when people around turned to see what was happening.

_**"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you."**_ Ariel sang and you laughed nervously when people around started laughing and seeing intently what was happening. _**"You found the clue, congratulations! This means you're getting closer to your final surprise, but first you have to do some things. I'm here to tell you the next clue. You have to go somewhere where you can listen to pleasant sounds. Part of Your World should tell you something. Also think about Steinway & Sons. You have fifteen minutes. Good luck!"**_ Ariel said and stopped talking.

You started thinking where you should go. People around you seemed to be entertained with this, so they started helping you until finally a woman yelled something.

_**"It's Steinway Hall! In West 57th Street in Midtown Manhattan! Hurry up!"**_ The woman exclaimed excited.

You thanked the woman and quickly you left the mall to go to the Steinway Hall. Why would you go there? Obviously it was the finest piano store, worldwide recognized. You only hoped that your friends haven't come up with the idea of you playing the piano in public because it'd be embarrassing since you didn't know how to play it well. You arrived there as fast as you could and you entered the store. There was an immense silence. You looked around, fascinated with all those amazing and refined pianos. It was like a dream being there. You went to the third and last floor and you got into one of the showrooms.

_**"I think this one would be perfect for you."**_ A man's voice that you recognized said in the distance. You couldn't see him, so you started to look for him.

_**"I agree. This one is the best I saw."**_ A woman's voice that you also recognized said in the distance.

_**"We should wait until she says her opinion."**_ A second man's voice that you recognized also said in the distance.

This was really funny and you were feeling really happy. You finally found them. Chuck, Cerine and Bill were sitting in a black Steinway model "D" Concert Grand piano. That was the most beautiful grand piano you've ever seen. When Chuck, Cerine and Bill saw you next to them, they all hugged you warmly.

_**"I heard this piano is the perfect medium for expressing the performer's art, drama and poetry. You could give a good use of it."**_ Bill said with a big smile.

_**"And I heard that this majestic musical instrument is the overwhelming choice of the world's greatest pianists."**_ Cerine commented also smiling widely.

_**"What do you think? Do you like this one?"**_ Chuck asked playing some keys.

_**"It's wondrous. I remember that when I was a little girl, my dad and I used to pretend we had one of this; we played it every night before going to sleep. It's like a dream seeing it in person."**_ You said amazed with a dreamy voice, looking at the piano. _**"But I won't play it if that is your intention. I'm not good at it; I have a lot to practice since I'm a beginner."**_ You said blushing and ashamed.

_**"That's not a problem. We could go anytime to your apartment to hear you playing this amazing piano."**_ Chuck said smiling brightly.

_**"And I'm sure that soon we'll see you playing this piano in a concert since you'll have this preciousness to practice." **_Cerine said smiling warmly.

_**"I...I don't get it..."**_ You said frowning and getting nervous.

_**"Well, it's simple. You liked it, so we'll take it so you can have it in your apartment."**_ Bill said simply, looking at you brightly with a big smile.

_**"What? No, no, no. No."**_ You refused energetically in shock. _**"This is too much and I won't accept this. No, I can't have it. This is like a relic and it goes beyond everything. I'm fine with my keyboard that Darren gave me."**_

_**"Not in dispute. Anyway, we already bought it. What are we gonna do with this piano in our houses? It'd be more useful in yours. And it's our birthday gift for you, you cannot reject a gift."**_ Chuck said standing up and wrapping an arm around your back.

_**"No, I don't want any gift. I'm happy just spending this day with all of you. You can keep..."**_ You said nervous and uncomfortable. You didn't deserve that luxury and expensive piano, the piano you always dreamed to have. You couldn't afford it and you didn't want anyone to spend all that money for you.

_**"You talk too much sometimes. No wonder why you're the perfect couple for Darren."**_ Chuck joked squeezing your shoulder with his hand, and Cerine and Bill laughed but you couldn't laugh because you were in shock.

_**"Sweetheart, just enjoy your new obtainment. I know you're gonna enjoy it more than any of us." **_Cerine said caressing your cheek softly.

_**"And we don't wanna feel as you didn't like our gift. It'd be frustrating."**_ Bill said trying to make you smile. _**"The piano is in its way to your apartment now. It cannot be returned."**_

_**"But this...this is too much, you shouldn't have spent..."**_ You started saying with choked voice because of the thrill. _**"I don't deserve..." **_You started shedding some tears, feeling really mushy.

_**"Money comes and goes. Now we have the opportunity to give you this. Something that you really deserve, even though you can't see it. We know you more than you know, considering all that Darren told us about you, what Sami and all your friends told us about you and considering the way you are when you're with us. You showed yourself in front of us since the first time we met you. And you're part of the family; so, as a family, we want to see you happy. This is a little thing we can give you compared to all you gave us." **_Chuck said gently and lovingly, looking into your eyes while Cerine and Bill were nodding in agreement. Those were one of the most wonderful words someone told you and this time you couldn't avoid shedding tears of joy and thrill. This was hard to believe but Chuck said it frankly.

_**"Thank you! I can't express..."**_ You tried to say but you couldn't talk anymore. Cerine, Bill and Chuck hugged you at the same time.

_**"We know, sweetheart."**_ Cerine said smiling sweetly.

_**"But hey, it's not time for crying! You have a lot to do today yet and time is running!"**_ Chuck exclaimed energetically.

_**"That's right. Here, this is what you have to do now and you don't have much time! So hurry, hurry!"**_ Bill said excited giving you a note. _**"Go, go! We're gonna see you later. Now enjoy the rest of the day, full of surprises!"**_

You smiled at him and then you read the note.

**"If the beneficiary is reading this note, is because she's completed her mission correctly. If the beneficiary did her missions in time; it should be noon, right time for lunch. The beneficiary would find the place where she's gonna have lunch from the following riddle: What are very sloppy, has vegetables and meat, comes from Mexico, and if you can, eat it neat? Some people say that Chuck and 140 7th Ave S has something to do. Estimated duration of the time the beneficiary has to find the place: Twenty minutes. Instructions: Find the restaurant and find a significant person who's gonna guide the beneficiary. Same rules as above will apply."**

_**"What is this? Oh my god. I never was good at riddles. I'm screwed."**_ You frowned when you finished reading the note. You couldn't get anything at all. The only things you understood of the note were Mexico and 140 7th Ave S, but you had no idea what Chuck has to do with this and you had no idea which was the answer of the riddle. _**"What does it mean?" **_You asked looking at Chuck, Bill and Cerine. _**"Why the riddle spells your name?"**_

_**"We cannot say anything. Just read carefully."**_ Chuck said amused. _**"But only because it's your birthday I'm gonna help you a little. But no one has to find out that I've helped you."**_

_**"Okay, it's a deal."**_ You said nodding, trying desperately to get some help.

_**"The riddle says which kind of restaurant you have to find, that's the question you have to find out. You read 140 7th Ave S. Of course it means where that restaurant is located. It says Chuck but...What's my complete name?"**_ Chuck said amused winking at you.

_**"Oh my God! I think I got it! I think I got it!"**_ You exclaimed excited, happy to have found the answer of the riddle.

_**"So?"**_ Bill asked looking at you amused because of your excitement.

_**"It's a Mexican restaurant, isn't it? And it's talking about tacos, right?"**_ You asked still excited and Bill, Cerine and Chuck laughed.

_**"That's right, but you still have to find out which Mexican restaurant is. There are a lot of those in NYC." **_Chuck said looking at you fixedly.

_**"That's the hard part. Obviously is in 140 7th Ave S. And you mentioned something about your complete name. Is it Charles?" **_You asked curious and thoughtful.

_**"Ding, ding, ding!"**_ Chuck exclaimed and you smiled brightly, even more excited.

_**"So it's a Mexican restaurant in 140 7th Ave South between Charles and...W.10th St.?"**_ You asked realizing there was a Mexican restaurant. _**"Agave!"**_

_**"Go, go, go!"**_ Chuck exclaimed enthusiastically.

You greeted them quickly to go running to the Mexican restaurant, excited. You didn't have so much time to go there. This game was being really entertained and full of adrenaline. You arrived to the Agave restaurant and entered it. You looked around to find someone who was waiting for you. In the most distant table, Jack was sitting with Amy. They remembered your birthday even though it has been years since the last time you spent it with your brother. A feeling of happiness and thrill ran through your entire body. You walked to them and when Jack looked up and he saw you, he smiled brightly.

_**"Happy birthday, aunt!"**_ Amy exclaimed out loud when she saw you.

_**"Thank you my princess Amy!"**_ You answered sweetly, kissing her forehead. Jack stood up to hug you tight.

_**"Happy birthday, my little sister."**_ Jack whispered in your ear and it made you feel very touched. After years, finally you had your brother to spend your birthday like you used to do in your happy moments of your childhood.

_**"Thank you, Jack. I missed so much spending this day with you. I remember the attempts of cakes you gave me for my previous birthdays."**_ You laughed with choked voice because of your emotion, and Jack laughed along with you.

_**"That's why we're here and I haven't tried to bake a cake for myself."**_ Jack made fun of himself and then you and he sat. _**"I remember you loved Mexican food. And guess what? This little girl here also loves Mexican food."**_ Jack said looking at Amy who smiled excited.

_**"Is that true? Well Amy, we need to hang out more often to eat a lot of Mexican food. What do you think?"**_ You asked looking at her and then you winked. Amy giggled and nodded cheerfully.

You spent a good lunch with Jack and Amy talking about a lot of things, experiences that they had lived, how Jack met Amy's mother, remembering old times when you and jack were kids, among other things. Years ago, you'd have thought that meeting your brothers again would be a bad experience; but it was the opposite. You haven't met Ethan, your other brother; but Jack was the brother you loved the most, who always has been with you, not like Ethan. In that lunch with Jack, you felt as the same way you always felt when you were with your family in those good times. You and Jack were the same little kids once you were and nothing could take that feeling away from you. You spent hours together, knowing more things about your niece, what she liked and what not and it amazed you how alike Amy and you were; although within you, you wished that she doesn't have the same fate as you had to go through in your life. When it was about 4pm, Jack gave you a note.

_**"What is this?"**_ You asked curious grabbing the note.

_**"Have you already forgotten the missions you have today? This is your next mission, little sister."**_ Jack said smiling mysteriously.

Indeed, you've forgotten those missions. Quietly you started reading the note.

**"The missions are coming to the end. If the beneficiary is reading this note is because everything is going as planned. The birthday project wouldn't be a cool project if there's no games involved. As we grow, we forget how much fun and great it is to be a child. We don't want the beneficiary to forget it, so for the next mission the challenge is to be an adult but think like a child. The question that the beneficiary has to answer to find the next place to go is: Where would a child go to play outdoor without having to spend money to have fun? Two significant people will be waiting for the beneficiary. Estimated duration to find the place: Fifteen minutes.**"

You read the note and you chuckled thinking that the mission was very appropriate for the situation, considering that you were feeling as if you were a child being next to older brother. You started thinking which place it would be. It wasn't so hard to guess. The favorite place of a child is the park. The problem was to guess which park it would be. If you were in NYC and you had to go to a park, you surely would go to Central Park. That was it; you had to go to the Ancient Playground of the Central Park. You looked up to Jack and Amy to see if they were going to join you.

_**"Are you coming?"**_ You asked.

_**"No, we'll have time to go together there. Now it's your day and your surprise and you have to find it out by yourself. Enjoy it as much as you can and good luck!"**_ Jack answered with a bright smile.

You greeted them with a kiss and a hug and then you left the restaurant to go to the Ancient Playground. Once you arrived there you felt lost; not because you didn't know where you were but because there were a lot of child playing around and you didn't know where to look or whom to find there. A little boy reached you and he smiled at you; you smiled back at him even though you didn't know who he was. The little boy grabbed your hand and you got nervous and started looking around to see if there was someone in charge of the child. The last thing you needed was to be accused of something bad for being with a child you didn't know. But the little boy took you to one of the pyramids and then he left. You didn't understand why the boy had done it, but then you started thinking that maybe the boy was part of the plan and for some reason he took you there, so you started looking around for some kind of clue. And there you found it, a little note.

**"Feeling lost? Forget about the missions for a while and enjoy the panorama. When you less expect, you'd find the people that are waiting for you."**

That was a very different note than the previous ones. But, as you were doing, you did exactly what the note said. You sat on the ground, looking all the children playing around and having so much fun. It was lovely to see how kids could have an amazing time without the need to find the happiness in material and superficial things as adults were used to do. You smiled at the joy of children who have a whole future ahead, children enjoying life and every moment to the fullest and you wished to be a child at least for few minutes. Then you remembered the last note that Jack gave you. "Be an adult but think like a child." Maybe you weren't late to be as happy and genuine as children were. Maybe what your friends tried to make you see was that no matter how old you were, you were always in time to dream as children dream; and no one could tear off the inner child inside. That wasn't a material gift but however it was one of the best gifts. Deep in thought, suddenly you heard how someone yelled your name. Hurriedly you looked around and you found Sami running to where you were to hug you tight. You and Sami ended up lying on the ground and laughing.

_**"Happy birthday auntie! Very happy birthday!"**_ Sami exclaimed merrily, hugging you very tight and you continued laughing of joy.

_**"Thank you Sami!"**_ You said looking at her with eyes full of tears of joy, seeing the little girl you loved so much.

You were hugging Sami when Grant walked toward Sami and you were. You looked at him smiling happily and then, when you were about to stand up to greet him, he lay down next to you and looked at Sami confidentially; a look that made you suspect. Grant and Sami nodded in agreement and then they both started tickling you. You started laughing uncontrollably while they were tickling you. When they finished, the three of you were laughing. That was how it was to feel like a child.

_**"This is our way to wish you a very happy birthday!"**_ Grant said smiling entertained._** "Let's go to have fun. Do you remember the swings?"**_

_**"Oh yes!"**_ You nodded amused and joyfully. _**"It was my favorite game when a kid."**_

Grant and you walked to the swings holding hands with Sami, to play as any child would do. You spent hours playing in different games and you had a blast. It's been a while since you played those games and you had so much fun. Nothing mattered but feeling amazing in that moment. But it was getting dark and you thought maybe this was your last mission so soon you had to come back to your apartment and feel completely happy for the awesome day you had.

_**"I think it's time for your last mission."**_ Grant said mysteriously.

_**"What do you mean? Is there another mission?"**_ You asked intrigued and thinking that there couldn't be another amazing thing.

_**"Of course yes. Maybe the best of all of them. Are you ready?"**_ Grant asked in a mysterious voice.

_**"I think I am."**_ You answered with a big smile.

_**"Well then, we have to go now so you can read this alone. Good luck and happy birthday again."**_ Grant said giving you a letter and he kissed your cheek before leaving with Sami.

You looked at the letter and you sat on a bench to read it quietly. This was different from all the notes that you received along all day long, which were written in a computer; this one was handwritten. You recognized the handwriting, it was from Darren.

**"Crazy, huh? We met through letters and now I'm writing you one in this special day of your birthday. This is my best way to wish you the best birthday you can have; not because I wouldn't like to greet you in person, but because letters is our thing. If you're reading this, mysterious girl, is because you did all your missions just as we all planned. Who are all the people who planned this? You'll find it out soon. This is the proof of how many people care about you, about making you happy just as you deserve. Two years ago from this day, you wrote me your first letter. I remember he girl you were in that time; a girl who felt lost, unloved and unable to imagine to be loved sometime, without hopes and dreams. And now I look the girl you are now; a girl who is loved by some many people, full of dreams, happiness and hopes despite all the little bad things that life brings up always, a girl who knows what she wants and who won't give up on the things she wants. This is you now. Have you realized how far you've come? Only in two years, and you did it by yourself. You've grown without forgetting to be as natural and cheerful as a child and that's something that amazes me. You're getting older and yeah, we all hate to get older; it comes a moment when the birthdays turn into something terrible to celebrate, but this isn't your case. This is a special moment to celebrate and we all want to celebrate it with you. For this reason is why we wanted to give you the best we could do, to make you feel as you make feel us: happy. We hope we could get it. My loved mysterious girl, this is your last mission. There's a place very important to us in Central Park. Go and meet me and all the people who love you and made this possible there. We're waiting for you. With all my love, the mysterious boy."**

You finished reading the letter with tears of joy. It moved you deep in your heart. Darren was right; two years ago you sent him your first letter and from there everything changed gradually. You were very different from that girl you were two years ago and you never realized it. You had friends now, you had a family, and you had a house and something to live for. You had Darren, your friend of soul and your boyfriend. You were loved and you never thought about the magnitude that this meant. You wiped away the tears that were falling down your face to go to that place you knew where it was. The Gapstow Bridge. You were nervous but happy at the same time; you wanted to know who were involved on this. When you were walking towards there, you started to see a lot of people, people that you didn't know. But then you started to recognize some faces when they started singing happy birthday to you. Matt, April and Nick were there now. Chris, Chuck, Cerine and Bill also. Jack, Amy, Sami and Grant. Joey, Joe Walker, Brian Holden, Joe Moses, Dylan Saunders, Lauren Lopez, Meredith Stepien, Bonnie Gruesen, Jaime Lyn Beatty and Julia Albain. They all were there singing to you. You were very touched and in shock, you couldn't believe all they were doing for you, this was more than you could've ever imagined. This was like a dream, a really good one. All the people you loved were there. But you couldn't see Darren; he didn't seem to be there. Everybody started to hug you, greeting you as you were walking. Suddenly you heard how someone started playing the guitar. Darren, you thought. Quickly you went to where the sound was coming; you needed to see him. There was Darren with his guitar and with a microphone in a sort of stage. That was the reason why there were people you didn't know: Darren was about to sing in public. You didn't care about anything, you only looked at him straight into his eyes, wishing to hug him tight and tell him how much you loved him. Darren found you in the crowd and he smiled fondly, and from that moment he didn't stop looking into your eyes. Once he found you, he started singing.

_When I look into your eyes_

_It's like watching the night sky_

_Or a beautiful sunrise_

_There's so much they hold._

_And just like them old stars_

_I see that you've come so far_

_To be right where you are_

_How old is your soul?_

_I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love_

_I'm still looking up._

_And when you're needing your space_

_To do some navigating_

_I'll be here patiently waiting_

_To see what you find._

_Cause even the stars they burn_

_Some even fall to the earth._

_We've got a lot to learn_

_God knows we're worth it_

_No I won't give up._

_I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily_

_I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make_

_Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use_

_The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake_

_And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend_

_For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn_

_We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in_

_I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not_

_And who I am._

_I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love._

_I'm still looking up._

_I'm still looking up._

_I won't give up on us_

_God knows I'm tough, he knows._

_We got a lot to learn_

_God knows we're worth it._

_I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love._

_I'm still looking up._

When Darren finished singing, everybody cheered but you didn't. You couldn't do it because you were trying to hold back your tears, because you were looking at Darren into his eyes while the song lasted and it was very intense to you. The song had nothing to do with your birthday, but it had to do with what Darren and you were going through.

"_**This song is dedicated to a very special person to me, the person I love the most. Because guys, today it's her freaking birthday!"**_ Darren exclaimed enthusiastically and people around cheered while you were still looking into Darren's eyes, your body slightly trembling because of the thrill. _**"Come on, come over here."**_ Darren said looking at you, but you couldn't move; you couldn't go there. _**"Hey, come on! I swear I don't bite."**_ Darren joked, but you remained exactly where you were. People around started to look around to see who was the person Darren was calling and you tried to seem one of those people searching for the girl. _**"Come over here."**_ Darren said one last time.

In that moment you were freaking out, a person went to where Darren was. Mia grabbed Darren's hand, pretending to be the girl Darren was calling. All the people around started cheering and Darren stopped looking at you to look at Mia frowning. Mia took advantage to kiss the corner of his lips and suddenly you felt cold and everything seemed dark. In silence and inadvertently, you turned around and walked away from there while all the people was cheering out loud, excited. The crowd didn't let anyone to see you leaving Central Park to go to your apartment.

* * *

You were sitting on your couch looking at nothing in particular, deep in thought and dreary. Everything was going so well and then Mia had to appear. Mia ruined your birthday, as she ruined everything you had. What have you done to her to deserve the way she was with you? You never did something to hurt her. You tried to remember the good things that happened hours before, all the things your friends did for you in your birthday; but Mia kept popping in your mind.

When you left Central Park and you arrived to your apartment, you got some texts from Darren but you didn't reply. You needed to clear things, to find a solution for this that was hurting you. You wanted to be with Darren but it was impossible as long as Mia was there. And you still weren't sure if Darren had feelings for her or not. If Darren didn't have feelings for her, he needed to do something to stop her because she and her attitudes were hurting you. And if Darren had feelings for her, he needed to tell you because you couldn't be thinking all the time about it, he needed to be honest.

While you were thinking about this in the last hours of your birthday, you heard the bell of your apartment ringing. Maybe it was Darren. You needed to talk to him, so you stood up and opened the door. It wasn't Darren.

"_**What are you doing here?"**_ You asked coldly, looking at the person standing in front your door with anger.

"_**I came here to talk. We should've talked long time ago."**_ Mia answered.

"_**I have nothing to talk to you."**_ You answered coldly and tried to close the door, but Mia stopped you and got into your apartment, closing the door behind her. "Excuse me? What are you doing? Get out of my apartment."

"_**I will if we go somewhere else to talk then."**_ Mia said looking at you coldly.

"_**What do you want to talk about? Do you want to tell me that I'm a piece of shit and that Darren is happier with you than with me? You made it clear several times already, so if you want to say all of those things again, please leave."**_ You said coldly and turned around to sit on the couch again. After several seconds, Mia walked to where you were and sat next to you.

"_**No, that's not the reason why I came here."**_ Mia said softly looking down and you looked at her frowning, surprised by the way she was acting.

"_**So why are you here? What do you want to tell me now?"**_ You asked looking away and crossing your arms.

"_**I came here to apologize."**_ Mia said quietly and you turned your gaze to look at her stunned, raising your eyebrows. Was Mia apologizing? _**"I'm sorry for all I did to you, it wasn't right. I acted like a bitch and you didn't deserve it because you never hurt me. I'm sorry for screwing your relationship with Darren." **_

You couldn't believe that Mia was finally apologizing, that finally she was accepting the fact of screwing what you had with Darren. The fact of her apologizing surprised you. The woman who was in front of you was being very different from the woman you knew as Mia. This was a side more merciful of Mia.

_**"Yeah. Anyway, Darren and I wouldn't work. He still loves you as you said several times. So, whatever. Your way is free, you can have him and you can be happy together."**_ You answered looking around, coldly and dreary.

_**"Do you really think he loves me? Do you have any idea of why I did to you all the things I did?" **_Mia asked looking into your eyes and frowning and you shrugged, pretending to be indifferent. _**"I did all of those things because I couldn't stand seeing Darren loving you the way he does. Because when I saw him with you for the first time I realized what I missed. I could have it all, you know? I could've had Darren and I could've had his love; but I didn't take it. And I realized it when I lost him, when I saw him being very happy with you. I was jealous and I wanted to get him back, I tried it several times. I'm still jealous of what you have with him, of how much he loves you."**_

_**"Well, be happy because you can have him again."**_ You said looking away, trying to hold back your tears.

_**"I can't. I came here to apologize and I came here to advise you to not to do the same I did with Darren. Darren loved me, but it was nothing compared to the way he loves you. I hate the way he looks at you covertly every time you're not looking at him, I hate the way he looks at you when you look at him, and I hate the way his face lights up every time he sees you or he talks about you. I hate all the things he does for you because I know I'd never get it." **_Mia said with choked voice. You finally looked at her and you saw that she had tears in her eyes. Was she about to cry? You'd have never expected this from her. _**"There's something you have to know about Darren. It took years to Darren to introduce me to his parents, it took years to Darren to appear in public with me and he never mentioned I was his girlfriend. It took a lot of time to Darren to look at me the way he looks at you now, and actually he never looked at me in that way. With you he's different. He introduced to his parents as soon as he could; he appeared in public with you in a little time, showing to everybody how proud he was to be with you. He mentioned in public that you were his girlfriend, for god sake! Do you still think he loves me instead you? And this entire thing about the missions for your birthday. Darren planned it all, he's been planning this for so long. He never did something like this with me."**_

_**"He proposed you. He wanted to marry you. So let me ask you the same. Do you think he loves me instead you?"**_ You said shortly and harshly.

_**"I know he wanted to marry me and like a fool I screwed it. But that was a long time ago."**_ Mia said looking down and then she looked up to you again. _**"And do you think he doesn't want to marry you?"**_

_**"He doesn't want."**_ You said coldly and Mia sighed.

_**"You know already that when you and he were distant, Darren and I had sex."**_ Mia said and you looked at her frowning and angry. Now she was being the same Mia you knew.

_**"I know it, thanks. You don't have to remind me it. And you still say he loves me more. I can see that!"**_ You said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

_**"Yeah, the most I want is Darren to love me more than you but it isn't like that."**_ Mia said bitterly, raising an eyebrow. _**"When we had sex, Darren started cursing himself for what he did. He was upset with himself, he tried himself like a shit, and he felt a terrible person and he couldn't stop talking about you. He was a bit drunk and I took advantage of that, he didn't want to have sex with me really. I feel like crap, because he was thinking of you while he was with me. When he realized he was with me and not with you, he told me to go away. He had a damn book with a lot of pictures of you and him in it on his nightstand."**_ Mia said bitterly. _**"That was the time I tried to screw your relationship with him. I thought that in that way Darren could love me again. But I realized that I won't get it because even when you were apart, he still was thinking about you, he didn't want to give up on you. What else could I do? I have to admit that he won't love me again because he has you and you make him happy, you make him look as he never looked before, at all his splendor."**_

While Mia was telling you all of this you started feeling more calmed, you started feeling touched by realizing the way Darren loved you, realizing that Darren never tried to forget you because he never stopped thinking about you. You realized that Darren never had the intention to be with Mia again. He had that important book for the two of you on his nightstand.

_**"I have no reasons to hate you if you make him happy. What I did to you was because of jealousy and it sucks. But if you dare to hurt Darren sometime and you make him feel miserable, then I'm gonna make your life miserable. Because he doesn't deserve to be treated again the same way I treated him when he loved me."**_ Mia said strongly looking into your eyes. _**"I'm going out of your way and I'm gonna let you and Darren be happy and if you get it, I'm gonna be happy for you both. But don't ask me to stop seeing Darren because he's the best friend I've ever had, because he forgave me things that no one would've done, he helped me a lot. I understand that you're his girlfriend and I'm just his friend. And if it's necessary, I'm gonna say it in public, so people would stop making up stories and love affairs. But I can't lose Darren as my friend." **_Mia said this time with choked voice and almost begging.

_**"I would never cut off Darren of being with his friends, and it includes you. Even though we didn't start in the best way. You cleared up how things are and you made it clear you want him as a friend. And I'm fine with it as long as you don't try to hurt me or to screw what I have with Darren. I just want to be happy with him, you have no idea all he means to me, and how much I love him. He helped me to go out of the blue and gave me all that I always needed. He's an extraordinary person and I love him with all his good and bad things. And I love the way I feel when I'm with him, he's everything to me."**_ You said with choked voice and looking down, shedding some tears. Why were you telling all of this to Mia? _**"You're his friend and you're important to him. I'd never ask you to get away."**_

That was hard for you to say, because you still didn't feel sure with Mia around. But you knew that Darren loved Mia as a friend and you couldn't tell Darren to stop being friend with her because of your insecurity. After all, Mia told you that she understood you're Darren's girlfriend and she's his friend. Maybe things would be different now that you both finally talked. And Mia has showed a side you never saw, and now you understood when Darren said she was a good person. Maybe she was and she only was feeling alone.

_**"Thank you. Honestly."**_ Mia said with choked voice and frankly. _**"Now I get why Darren loves you. You're a good person. Thank you."**_

You were about to say something when suddenly you heard the bell of your apartment ringing again. You looked at Mia and then you stood up to open the door in silence.

"_**Hey"**_ Darren said softly when he looked at you. He stepped forward and slowly he placed his hands on your waist, looking at you with a hint of gloominess. _**"I think the plan didn't go as I expected. I wanted to give you an awesome day and it seems I screwed it, I'm sorry."**_

_**"No, you didn't screw it. I had an awesome birthday."**_ You said smiling at him kindly.

That was true; you had an awesome birthday, the best of all of them, despite the last mission when Mia appeared. Darren looked down frowning because apparently he thought you were saying it because of pity, so you caressed his cheek slowly, still smiling at him kindly. He looked up to you with a twinkle on his eyes and he smiled back at you. He rested his forehead on yours and he remained looking into your eyes.

_**"What happened at the end of the song...I didn't..."**_ Darren started saying looking into your eyes but then he turned his gaze to find out that Mia was there, standing up and walking to the front door. Suddenly Darren stepped back and looked at Mia angry and frowning. _**"What the hell are you doing here? It wasn't enough to you to have done what you've done that you had to come here?"**_

_**"I only...I...Darren..."**_ Mia started saying nervous and looking down. She seemed to be having a bad moment. You looked at Darren who was really angry and then you looked at Mia who was feeling bad. Even though you didn't appreciate Mia, you needed to do something.

_**"Darren, calm down. Everything is okay, so don't treat her in that way, please."**_ You said softly, grabbing Darren's hand. Darren glanced at Mia angry once again to then look at you.

_**"What has she done? Has she threatened you? Has she hurt you?" **_Darren asked angry and concerned and then he looked at Mia again. _**"I swear that if you did something bad to her, this time I won't pretend that nothing serious happened and not do anything to protect her as before. If you mess with her, you're messing with me, Mia. Just dammit, go away and let me be happy with her! I'm sick of this." **_Darren almost yelled harshly out of himself. Mia looked down and her body started to shiver slightly, with tears on her eyes.

"_**Darren, stop."**_ You said roundly and firmly and Darren looked at you raising his eyebrows. _**"She hasn't done anything wrong, she hasn't threatened me and she hasn't hurt me. We only talked as two mature women, a talk we should've had long time ago." **_You said softly but firmly and Mia looked at you as if she was thankful.

_**"What did she tell you? I'm sick of her lies and all."**_ Darren asked you and then he looked at Mia again. _**"What lie did you tell her now, Mia? I told you to go away from me, I'm sick of you and everything. I'm sick to argue with her because of your fault and your lies."**_

_**"Darren. Mia is your friend."**_ You said determined and Darren turned his gaze to you to look at you stunned. _**"You shouldn't treat her in this way because all that happened in the past with me and her. She's a good friend, I know, and you're important to her. Mia and I cleared up some things and all is fine. And she hasn't forced me to say this, I'm saying this because is what I really think. Don't screw your friendship with her because of me and what happed in the past, what happened in the past is done. The important is that now we cleared up how things are and everything is gonna be different. Forgive her as I did. You're her friend."**_ You said firmly and convinced, looking at Darren fixedly. Darren was raising his eyebrows in amazement and not getting why you were talking this way about Mia.

_**"Why have you forgiven her? Why are you defending her now?"**_ Darren asked confused and suspicious.

_**"I'm not defending her. As I told you, we talked and I know how things are now. And I forgave her because everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves a second chance. I forgave her because you mean a lot to her; because she finds on you a good friend. And I wouldn't forgive myself if you lose a good friend because something that doesn't have importance now."**_ You said honestly and Darren looked deeply into your eyes before looking at Mia.

_**"Is this true? Haven't you forced her to say this?"**_ Darren asked harshly but softening his voice.

_**"No, I haven't forced her. I'm just as surprised as you are for what she said."**_ Mia said lowly looking at Darren and then she looked at you. _**"Thank you for have forgave me and for this."**_ Mia told you grateful, looking at you with watery eyes but not shedding tears. You smiled slightly and nodded. _**"I'm sorry for all I did. I acted like a bitch and neither of you deserved this. You're a good person and you deserve Darren as much as he deserves you. I honestly wish you can be happy, and I know you will."**_ Mia said sincerely.

This was a complete new side of Mia; she was being completely honest as never before. Maybe Mia was a great person and she was lost and alone and for those reasons she made all the mistakes she did; because maybe she didn't know what to do to not feel alone. Because after all, when we feel alone we do a lot of things we shouldn't do to change it, things that sometimes hurt people even though those aren't our intentions. And you knew it more than anyone. Maybe Mia was being just as you were years ago. And maybe Mia and you weren't so different at some point. Mia sighed and then he walked to Darren to hug him. Darren looked at you nervous and frowning and he tried to get away from her, but you looked at him fixedly and you nodded. Darren frowned slightly and then he hugged her back, while Mia started shedding some tears in silence. Mia and Darren were hugging and for the first time you weren't feeling jealous or sad. It was different because now you knew how things were. Instead getting angry for that hug, you smiled nicely to be seeing two friends hugging. This was a huge progress. Then Mia broke the hug and she walked towards you. She placed a hand on your arm and she squeezed it.

_**"Thank you a lot. I wish you frankly a good life and I hope to get to know you more and start over again. Not for anything a lot of people love you; there must be a good reason, right?" **_Mia said smiling slightly and you smiled back at her and nodded. This was really weird and you'd have never expected to have a conversation with Mia like this. And it felt good. _**"I'll go, so you can be alone and enjoy this day. Happy birthday, by the way."**_

_**"Thank you, Mia."**_ You smiled and Mia nodded before leaving and closing the door behind her.

_**"What was this?"**_ Darren asked looking into your eyes bewildered. _**"As far as I know you hated Mia for understandable reasons and now...this? I don't get it."**_

You looked into Darren's eyes for few seconds and instead answering him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your head on his chest, closing your eyes. Everything that happened was very intense for you and all was spinning, you couldn't actually talk. Darren got amazed when you hugged him, but he wrapped his arms around your waist and he kissed your head. You remained like this in silence for a while and then you looked into his eyes still wrapping your arms around his neck.

_**"I'm sorry for being so distant lately. I was confused and I needed some time to clear up things and now everything is cleared. You didn't deserve this, you haven't done anything wrong and however I hurt you. You've been always this amazing person with me and I appreciate wholeheartedly all you've done for me. I'm scared it's too late to apologize."**_ You whispered with choked voice.

_**"Hey, no."**_ Darren said softly, caressing your cheek sweetly. _**"You heard the song I sang. I meant every word of it. I said when you're needing your space, I'll be here patiently waiting; I said that I won't walk away so easily and that we've got a lot to learn. And I won't give up on you even when things seem to be totally screwed."**_ Darren said lovingly and tears started falling down your face in silence. Darren wiped away your tears with his thumb and he smiled at you.

_**"Do you believe me when I say that I love you so much?"**_ You asked looking at him with watery eyes. _**"Darren you're the most important person to me and I don't wanna be without you!"**_ You cried resting your head on his chest again and hugging him tighter. Darren started caressing your hair smoothly.

_**"I believe you and I love you as much."**_ Darren said kissing your head and then he stepped back to look into your eyes but still wrapping his arms around your waist. _**"You know what?"**_ Darren asked smiling. _**"Every day I get up and I wonder why I was so lucky to be your boyfriend. I always wonder what you could love about me and I thank every day for having the chance to wake up and have you to light up my day. Do you know why I wonder all of those things?"**_ Darren asked and you shook your head without uttering a word because of your emotions. _**"Because you're a totally awesome person. I love every little thing of you. You're a good friend, a good sister, a good aunt for Sami, a fabulous girlfriend. And I know you'd be an awesome wife and mom; and I'd be crazy if I let you go."**_ Darren laughed slowly still looking at you fondly and you started sobbing of joy. _**"Maybe you cannot notice it, but you're adorable with everybody. The way you're with people, always kind, sweet, caring, and supportive; the way you're able to forgive people even if they hurt you deep in your heart, as you forgave Mia and your mother. The way you never give up on your dreams even if those dreams seem really hard to fulfill, the way you have hopes and you always wish the best for everyone without asking anything in return. They way you've grown and how far you've come without any help, you did it by yourself. And you know? Not everybody could be the way you are, not everybody could be as strong and positive as you are. Not everybody could have changed their life after a lot of crap things that happened to them. You leave me speechless because I'm amazed of the way you are."**_ Darren said raising his eyebrows and looking at you with bright eyes.

_**"Do you really think all those things about me?"**_ You asked with choked voice and really touched because of his words.

_**"No, I don't think so. I'm completely sure is like that."**_ Darren said sweetly and then he leaned to kiss your lips as fond as it could be.

_**"Can we be like before?"**_ You whispered in front of Darren's lips.

_**"No."**_ Darren whispered and you looked at him frowning and bewildered. _**"I want to start over again, a new start for the two of us. I want to do the right things with you. For that reason..."**_ Darren said looked at you mysteriously.

_**"What?"**_ You asked curious, trying to figure out why Darren was looking at you at that way.

_**"For that reason I decided that we should start over again in a place that is important to both of us."**_ Darren said with a mysterious smile.

_**"Where? In The Gapstow Bridge?"**_ You asked trying to guess and getting nervous to find out the answer as soon as you could. Darren started laughing and you frowned confused.

_**"That's a very important place to us, but I wouldn't take you there to start over again. I want it to be a special place. Do you remember what you told me in one of your letters? The places you'd love to go?" **_Darren asked with a bright smile and you looked at him with eyes wide open.

_**"You gotta be kidding me."**_ You said stunned when you started realizing which Darren's point was. Darren looked something in his Freelance Whales tote bag.

_**"Italy."**_ Darren said showing you two plane tickets to Italy. You got shocked looking at the plane tickets and you shook your head.

_**"No, Darren. I can't take it. It's very expensive and no."**_ You refused even though you really wanted to go there.

_**"Oh shut up. I already bought it, so we have to go. Consider this as my birthday gift to you and as a chance to start over again in that special place. There's nothing I'd love most than if you accept this."**_ Darren said giving you the plane tickets and you finally grabbed them, what made Darren smile brightly. _**"Yay! Tomorrow morning, we need to go to the airport."**_

"_**Tomorrow morning? Are you crazy? We have to pack, see what to bring and what not, I have to talk to Matt, April and Nick. Sami, what are we gonna do with Sami? And I have to tell Jack because I promised him to hang out with Amy. Tomorrow morning is impossible, Darren!" **_You exclaimed horrified and Darren just looked at you amused and when you finished he laughed out loud.

_**"And I thought I was over demonstrative."**_ Darren laughed and grabbed your hands. _**"They all already know that tomorrow morning we go to Italy. You don't have to worry about packing because Matt, April and Nick did the favor to pack for you this morning. Sami is staying with Grant for all the week that we're gonna be in Italy. Everything is planned; you just have to get ready to go to the airport with me at 7am."**_

_**"How the hell could you have planned all of that and I never noticed anything?"**_ You asked perplexed and amazed.

_**"I'm almost convinced I was a sort of sexy undercover agent in my past life and then I reincarnated in this awkward body with this goofy personality."**_ Darren joked and you giggled because of his dorkiness.

_**"Interesting conclusion. I hope to meet that sexy undercover agent sometime."**_ You joked making a sensual gesture.

_**"No fucking way. You're gonna fall for that guy and I'm kind of jealous." **_Darren joked and then he leaned to peck your lips. _**"And I don't know what I'd do if I ever missing your kisses." **_

_**"Dork!"**_ You laughed nudging him playfully and then you looked at him fondly. _**"Thank you for this, Dar. It means a lot to me and you...you're making my dreams possible."**_

_**"I am not. I'm just trying to be with you in the best moments in your life because I want to be there to see you at your peak, full of happiness and vividness. Actually I'm kind of selfish if you stop to think about it."**_ Darren said frowning but smiling.

_**"I love you Dar."**_ You shushed him with a kiss on his lips.

No matter what he said, you knew he was trying to make all your dreams true. The trip to Italy, the trip to Disneyland, the show on Broadway, learn to play the piano, the trip to the beach because you loved the beach, the decision to come to live to NYC, perform a show together, the chance to talk to your mother again; everything you always wanted, Darren was always there to help you to make it true. And he always did all of that without expecting anything in return. He, the mysterious guy, saved your life and was making it worthy. What else could you ask?

* * *

_**"I can't believe we're here! Darren, Darren! Can you believe we are here?**_" You exclaimed overexcited, bouncing and looking around. Darren looked at you with an amused smile; chuckling and he grabbed your hand.

_**"I think someone is ablaze and exultant."**_ Darren said still looking at you amused. _**"Save your energies for later because we have a lot to do here."**_

_**"Ahhh! I can't contain myself, Darren! Oh my God, Darren! Look at that thing! It's amazing!"**_ You exclaimed out loud pointing a building.

_**"That thing you said is the Rome Italy Mormon Temple."**_ Darren made fun of you playfully and then he pecked your lips.

After a lot of hours you finally arrived to Rome and now you were in a rental car in your way to the hotel where you were going to stay. You were extremely excited and happy and you wanted to go out and meet the entire city as soon as you could. You couldn't believe you were in Rome; you wished all your life to go there and it seemed so unreal and distant that now being there seemed a dream. And you weren't there alone; you were there with the person you loved the most. It was perfect. After a while, you arrived to the hotel called The St. Regis Rome. It was located between two fountains: the Moses fountain and the Najada fountain and it looked more like a noble residence than a hotel. When you entered the hotel, a staff reached you and he took your luggage. You looked at the magnificent Grand lobby and you got amazed when you saw frescoes, throne chairs and the white marble reception. It was the most sumptuously luxurious hotel you've ever seen; a typical luxury building of the renaissance of Italy, it was outstanding to see that ancient glory of Rome reflected in a hotel; it was a charming contrast between historic preservation and modern innovation. You were feeling as if you were living in another time, it was a magical feeling. Darren had to lead you to the reception because you were very astonished of the lushness of the hotel and you were busy looking around with eyes wide open.

_**"Buongiorno, signore. Vorrei prenotare La Royal Suite per una settimana. Inoltre mi piacerebbe assumere il servizio limousine per incontrare diversi luoghi di Roma. **__**Il servizio di limousine ha tempi che dobbiamo rispettare? Perché amiamo incontrare nuovi luoghi, senza doversi preoccupare di un itinerario turistico."**_ Darren said politely speaking in italian and that was the time you finally looked at him, also amazed of how fluent he could speak italian.

_**"Certo, signore. Queste sono le chiavi per The Royal Suite. **__**I servizi di limousine ha tempi che si devono rispettare, ma possiamo fare un'eccezione considerando che sei una celebrità. Uno degli uomini del nostro staff guiderà te e la donna nella stanza. **__**Vi auguro un buon soggiorno a Roma, signore."**_ The concierge answered politely in italian, giving to Darren the keys of the room.

_**"Grazie per la vostra attenzione. **__**Stiamo per cercare di avere il miglior tempo in questa magnifica città. Buona giornata, signore."**_ You said kindly, smiling at the concierge. Darren turned his gaze to look at you completely stunned, raising his eyebrows.

He didn't say anything, he only grabbed the keys and you and he followed a man who led you to the hotel room. When you entered the hotel room, you almost fainted. It was completely unreal and lush. It had a sleeping wing and an entertainment wing and an exquisite living room with grand piano. It also had a private dining room connected with a private kitchen and a wine cellar. It had a master bedroom with king bed, guest bedroom, two closets and a marble bathroom with Jacuzzi. Perfecting the décor was the use of wine red, gold and green color scheme, authentic Aubusson carpet and Louis XVI and Piedmontese furnishings. The suite was a true Renaissance masterpiece. It was outstanding. The man who had your luggage, leave them on the master bedroom and then he greeted politely before leaving. When you and Darren were finally alone you couldn't avoid squealing out loud.

_**"Oh my fucking God, Darren! What the hell is this place?"**_ You squealed completely stunned, excited and perplexed. Darren looked at you amused and he laughed out loud.

_**"Well, I wanted to get the best place for us. Do you like it?"**_ Darren answered still amused while you were looking everything around.

_**"Are you kidding me? For god sake! I feel as if I were Marie Antoinette! Oh my god. This is a dream, isn't it? I'm dreaming, I'm sure I'm dreaming."**_ You said with eyes wide open and befuddled. Darren smiled amused and he walked to you to wrap his arms around your waist.

_**"No, you aren't dreaming. You're here with me in this amazing city. This is real, boo."**_ Darren smiled and he pecked your lips.

_**"Darren, we should go."**_ You said still astonished.

_**"Wait! First we should unpack the luggage and then we can go wherever you want. Don't be so hasty!" **_Darren laughed looking at you still amused.

_**"No. I mean, we should go away of this place. Darren, this place is very fancy and I'm sure it's exorbitantly expensive. We should go to somewhere cheaper, somewhere more simple and homely."**_ You said feeling a little uncomfortable of being there even though you loved that place. _**"And limo? We don't need a limo, Darren. We can walk or we can take the subway or a bus. I don't need anything fancy; you already made me the happiest girl in world by taking me here."**_

_**"But I thought you would like here. Don't worry about money. Listen, we can make a deal. We stay here, in this hotel room; and we don't take the limo service. We're gonna walk or take the subway, we can eat in homely restaurants or just eat food in the street. We won't buy anything fancy or expensive if you don't want. So we stay in this hotel room but during the day we're gonna be just normal tourists doing normal stuff. What do you think?"**_ Darren asked trying to convince you.

_**"I don't know. This is too much." **_You said doubtfully.

_**"Hey, listen. Now I have the chance to pay for this, maybe in a future I won't have that chance, who knows. Maybe in a future we'd have to sleep in the train if we want to travel and we don't have the money to pay for it. Maybe this is gonna be the only chance we'd have to be in a place like this. So as long as I can pay for it, we should enjoy it. And I want you to feel as Marie Antoinette, I want you to feel you're like in a movie or lost in the history, I want you to feel that magical feeling. Let me make you feel that way, just for a week."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes with a charming smile.

_**"Okay, we can stay here. But I want to let you know that I don't need anything fancy if what you want is to make me happy. Just being with you is enough for me to be happy."**_ You said smiling fondly and Darren looked at you sweetly.

_**"I know, you're a lovely and selfless person. With all the things you say and do, you only get to make me love you more and more day by day."**_ Darren said tenderly and then he kissed your lips, caressing your cheek smoothly. _**"And by the way...You never told me you can speak italian!"**_ Darren exclaimed with wide open eyes and amazed and you giggled.

_**"You never asked."**_ You winked at him amused.

_**"Dammit. That's a good answer."**_ Darren said shaking his head and chuckling. _**"It's so hot to hear you speaking italian, just so you know."**_ Darren winked at you and he smiled seductively.

_**"Forse potrei parlare italiano più spesso."**_ You said looking at Darren sensually and flirty. Darren pulled you closer, now placing his hands on your hips.

_**"Mhm."**_ Darren moaned in front of your lips. _**"That's what I'm talking about. I think I should wear baggy pants if you're gonna speak italian all day long, otherwise it'd be awkward."**_ Darren joked and you laughed out loud.

_**"Maybe I'm gonna let you speak italian and I'll speak italian tonight only for you."**_ You whispered alluringly in front of his lips and then you winked at him.

_**"Oh damn, stop it or I'm gonna be forced to cancel the tour today."**_ Darren said with parted lips, touching your lips with his and you chuckled amused.

_**"Okay, I'm gonna stop. Where are we going first?"**_ You asked curious.

_**"I don't know."**_ Darren answered shrugging. _**"I thought it could be fun if we just go out there and get lost in this awesome city."**_

_**"Are you crazy?"**_ You asked frowning.

_**"Yeah, I am. And you're as crazy as I am, so you're gonna love it."**_ Darren said charmingly in front of your lips before pecking them.

_**"You have a point."**_ You said shrugging and smiling amused. _**"Just let's go to get lost!"**_

* * *

You spent an awesome and completely fantastic week with Darren in Rome. You went to explore a lot of places in Rome, getting lost all the time but getting funny and great anecdotes about it. You walked a lot and sometimes you ended up sitting everywhere to rest. You also entered into places you weren't supposed to enter, what caused that you almost got jailed, but then you explained to the cops that you were foreign and you were lost. You experienced moments you could never forget in your life. And now it was your last night in Rome and you were completely exhausted. Now, you were lying in bed next to Darren, because next day at afternoon, you had to come back. You were with that special book you and Darren had, full of pictures, quotes and annotations. You were completing it with your new pictures of Italy, commenting with Darren all the moments you experienced while Darren was playing his guitar and seeing what you were doing, helping you with the book at the same time. Then Darren and you started to think what you could write in the book by singing while he played his guitar. It came a point that you were being very random and you totally forgot that you were doing it because you wanted to write something in the book; instead you ended up crying with laughter. You couldn't remember when the last time you cried with laughter was and it was gratifying. Then Darren put aside his guitar still laughing uncontrollably with tears of fun falling down his face. You wiped away your tears of amusement and then you looked at Darren into his eyes, giggling. Probably that was the best moment in your whole trip. Simple and almost insignificant, but reflecting true enjoyment and happiness. Darren looked at you with a twinkle on his eyes and smiling brightly and fondly. You both remained looking into each other's eyes intensely for a long time until the two of you leaned abruptly to kiss. You couldn't explain what happened in that moment, but it was an impulse you couldn't contain; you had the need to kiss Darren and show him how much you loved him. You kissed as never before, the two of you were very passionate but also tender and affectionate. You and Darren kissed several times but never like this, this time it was different. This time, with this kiss, you realized that he was the person who completed what was missing in your life. After a long of necking and petting, passionate and lovingly at the same time, Darren moved away his lips from yours and he looked into your eyes penetratingly. It was a very intimate look, which said a lot of things without the need of verbal words. Without stopping looking into your eyes, Darren started caressing your cheek, going down to your neck and then to your shoulder underneath your shirt. You only looked vividly into his hazel and bright eyes, placing your hands on his stomach underneath his t-shirt. Darren shivered at your touch but neither you nor he broke the eye contact. You slowly took off Darren's t-shirt as he placed his hands on your back underneath your shirt and he started rubbing it from your neck to your back dimples, very slowly; the two of you still looking deeply into each other's eyes. Then Darren placed his hands on your hips and you took off your t-shirt and dropped it on the floor. Darren looked your whole body with parted lips and then he looked into your eyes again as you smiled at him and leaned to kiss his lips, placing a hand on his jawline and the other one on his hair. After a while, you broke the kiss and looked into his eyes, still touching his lips with yours.

_**"I'm ready."**_ You whispered in front of his lips. Darren didn't say anything and he didn't do anything. He just looked into your eyes very deeply for several minutes. It wasn't uncomfortable, actually it felt good.

_**"This time I can see something different in your eyes. Unlike before, now is time." **_Darren said caressing your cheek and smiling fondly in front of your lips. _**"If you don't feel comfortable, let me know. Just trust me, I've got you."**_

You nodded and Darren smiled in front your lips before kissing them deeply, placing his hands on your back, rubbing it until he placed his hands on your bra closure. He slowly unfastened your bra and dropped it on the floor, still kissing your lips. Darren moved away to look at your body and then he looked into your eyes smiling fondly before leaning to kiss your neck without breaking eye contact with you. Darren started to lick your neck with the tip of his tongue and you closed your eyes because it was feeling really pleasurable.

_**"No, don't stop looking at me."**_ Darren said and you opened your eyes to look at him amazed._** "I want you to look at me all the time. I want you to know that you're with me and only with me here and now. And I want you to look at me because I want to show you all the love I feel for you. This isn't about sex, this is making love."**_

You looked at him very touched and you nodded. Days ago, you'd have felt uncomfortable if Darren would've told you this, but now it was different, it sounded as the more natural and reasonable thing in the world. Maybe you needed to let yourself go. Darren grabbed your left arm and then he started running his fingers on your arm; but he didn't run his fingers in any part of your arm, he ran his fingers right where your scars were. You looked at him thunderstruck and your body started shivering slightly. The fact of Darren caressing your scars smoothly and sweetly was making you feel weird. Then he started kissing those scars of you that were the proof of your weakness in your past, scars that symbolized the worst moments in your life, your attempt to give up on your life. Those scars were supposed to be a bad memory, something really bad you've done; but Darren was kissing your scars in a way that made you feel that those scars were the proof of something you've changed, something you could overcome. He made you feel that your scars where the proof of how far you've come, how much you changed for good, making you be stronger and yourself. Darren made you feel that you shouldn't be ashamed of all the mistakes you made in your past because what mattered was that you finally found the way to be happy. And no one else before made you feel the way you were feeling in that moment. Darren was your savior. Now, more sure than ever, you wanted to give him all of you; now, more than ever, you distinguished the difference between sex and make love; now, more than ever, you wanted to make love with Darren and show him all he meant to you. When Darren finished kissing all of your scars, he looked up to you with a tender smile, resting his chin on your stomach. You ran your fingers through his curly and smooth hair, looking at him lovingly, and then you sit on bed to kiss his forehead and then to kiss his lips. Then you broke the kiss and rested your forehead on his, still looking into his eyes and then you placed your hands on his chest. Darren let you touch his entire bare and toned chest, exploring his shoulders, clavicle, his pectorals, his abdomen, and his navel. Darren never stopped looking at you fixedly and when you finished, he pulled you closer to feel the warmth of your body against his. He started kissing you, opening his lips slowly and just a little during the kiss so that one of his lips was sandwiched between yours and one of yours was between his, brushing his tongue against your lips ever so slightly and then he pushed his tongue a little farther into your mouth, playfully touching tongues. The kiss started sweet and soft but then it turned into a fierce kiss, while you were messing Darren's hair and Darren was rubbing his hands on your back, pressing your body against his as close as it was possible. Even kissing fiercely, Darren started unzipping your skirt as you started unbuttoning his jeans. Then, still kissing, Darren leaned you in bed and he got on top of you. You arched your back and Darren took off your skirt to drop it on the floor. Darren sucked your bottom lip as you parted and he gasped in front of your lips, looking at you fervently. You took advantage to place your hands on the waistband of his jeans and, while Darren was looking at you and gasping, you started down his jeans. Darren helped you to take off his jeans and once the two of you were only wearing your underwear, Darren lay down on your body and he started kissing your neck to then he started to kiss down, from your neck to your breastbone. He looked up to you and he started licking your breasts while looking intensely into your eyes. At first it was a little uncomfortable to look into Darren's eyes while he was doing it, but then you remembered why you were doing it and Darren looked at you in a way that made you relax and just enjoy this new way to show you his love. You were exploring every single thing of your bodies; you were exploring everything about each other in an intimate way, evidencing your confidence. Still looking into your eyes, Darren ran the tip of his tongue from your breasts to your lower belly, placing his hands on your hips underneath your underwear. Darren looked deeply into your eyes, waiting for your approval to take off your underwear and when you nodded, he took it off and dropped it on the floor. Once you were completely naked, Darren looked at you from head to toe with a twinkle on his eyes and with a smile, before taking off his own underwear. You also looked at him from head to toe, and the two of you remained exploring your bodies with your sight for a while. It wasn't embarrassing, it was more like discovering the most private things of each other, discovering those things that were beyond the normal ways to show the love. Darren leaned to start kissing your feet and to go up to your inner thigh, always with his sight fixed on your eyes. Once he reached your groin, he stopped and he looked at you deeply; you didn't say anything and you didn't do anything, you just let yourself be comfortable and enjoy the pleasure of Darren exploring your body lovingly as no one else has done before. Darren started licking your groin very slowly and then he started licking your pubis. You stopped looking at Darren to close your eyes and moan, feeling very aroused at the feeling of the warmth of Darren's tongue on your most private part of your body. You shouldn't have closed your eyes, it was a huge mistake. Suddenly dark memories came up in your mind and your whole body tensed and it started to shiver. You started feeling scared and disturbed. You heard Darren's voice in the distance but at this point you couldn't see or hear anything clear. But then you felt Darren's hands on your cheeks and you felt his forehead resting on yours. You opened your eyes and slowly you started seeing clearer. Darren was on top of you, in fact resting his forehead on yours and with his hands on your cheeks, looking at you straight into your eyes.

_**"Don't close your eyes; look at me all the time."**_ Darren whispered sweetly and reassuringly in front of your lips and then he grabbed one of your hands and placed it on his heart. _**"I won't hurt you. I'm here to show you my love, to make you see that doing this isn't a bad thing when love is involved, to change your bad memories into good memories. You're safe with me because I'd never let anything hurt you. I want to make you feel how love is when two people that love each other get together to be only one person, connected not only physically but emotionally. I want to show you the highest level of love." **_

_**"I'm scared, Darren."**_ You said with trembling voice, your body still shivering. Darren looked at you fondly and he caressed smoothly your cheek with his thumb.

_**"I know you're scared because you had a bad experience, but I want to change it. Remember you're with me and you're sheltered with me. Look into my eyes, don't be ashamed."**_ Darren said affectionate and you did so. _**"Can you notice how fast my heart is beating?"**_ He asked and you only nodded. _**"It always beats this fast when I'm with you; but now is beating faster because being with you like this makes me feel all this feelings. Because I'm sharing everything about me with the most perfect woman in earth and all I want is this to be perfect as much as you are, because you make me feel thrilled and I feel I could give up on everything I have if it means I can be with you. But, do you wanna know the main reason why my heart beats like this when I'm with you?"**_ Darren asked looking piercingly into your eyes and you nodded, feeling more relaxed now. _**"Because I'm head over heels in love with you."**_ Darren said affectionately and he kissed your lips very sweetly.

_**"I love you so much, Dar."**_ You whispered in front of his lips and Darren smiled. _**"I'm ready to go all the way with you." **_

Darren looked into your eyes with a glint on his eyes and kissed again, now running his fingers through your whole body. Then he placed his body on yours and you felt the warmth of your naked bodies together. Darren lined up his body with yours and you felt the tip of his penis on your clitoris. You moaned and you arched your back at this new feeling, while Darren also moaned out loud.

_**"Are you sure of this?"**_ Darren asked smoothly.

_**"I'm sure. I want this with you, Dar."**_ You answered looking at him.

_**"I love you."**_ Darren said fondly and he kissed your lips before he kneeled between your legs, placing his hands on your hips and grabbing a condom.

Darren put on the condom and then he looked into your eyes before he started penetrating your vaginal opening, very slowly. It was very painful and you thought you couldn't bear the pain, but then Darren lay down on you and he started kissing your lips, feeling the warmth of his body on yours, what made you forget about the pain and only focus that you and Darren were like one person now, just loving each other. It was a weird feeling, very different from that time you were only a teenager. It was pleasant and nice despite the pain. Darren pulled himself almost all the way out and then back in again slowly, and moaned. Now everything that could be heard in the room was groans. Darren got a rhythm, moving and penetrating his cock into your vagina even faster and deeper, thrusting his hips against it. You started sweating with your eyes closed and your mouth opened, panting and moaning in pleasure. This time, dark memories didn't come up in your mind, because you were conscious that you were with Darren and you were feeling something different and good. Darren kept pushing in and out, fast and superficial movements combined with slow and deep movements made you get lost in your pleasure of being sharing this intimate moment with Darren. Darren's lips and yours parted and the two of you started moaning and gasping, touching slightly each other's lips while you were looking into each other's eyes. And it happened. Darren pushed his dick in and he reached your G spot, making you moan out loud in a extreme pleasure you've never felt before. That was the most exciting and great feeling you've ever felt. It seemed that your moan made Darren hornier, because he started pushing his dick in and out even faster and deeper, moaning out loud. It came a point when you started feeling an enigmatic sensation. A fuzzy warm tingle started in your toes and then you started feeling like you were coasting in this super sensitive and awesome state where your whole body was simultaneously tense and relaxed. Your breathing started feeling like you just ran a race, like your lungs were tired and you started moaning uncontrollably. And then the actual orgasm started down below and traveled in a wave all the way up to your head. It was like a powerful wave of blankness and then you came to in what was the most relaxed and happy state ever, feeling more energized. At the same time you heard how Darren moaned out loud with his head back and closing his eyes while you felt how something warm dipped inside you. The two of you remained steady for a while with your bodies pressed and trying to get back your normal breathing. Then Darren pulled his dick out and he rolled the condom off and threw it in a nearby garbage can, to the lay down next to you, wrapping his arms around you and looking at you with the fondest look and smile you've ever seen. He looked beautiful and radiant and his eyes were shinning like never before when he started caressing your cheek. So this was how it felt to make love. This is how it felt to be a woman. For the very first time in your life, you felt truly beautiful; Darren made you feel like this. You were feeling happier than ever and you couldn't get why you couldn't stop smiling and feeling this good. Finally, Darren and you showed the love you felt for each other in its highest level and nothing else mattered.

_**"How do you feel?"**_ Darren whispered still looking into your eyes brightly and caressing your cheek.

_**"I feel happier than ever."**_ You said looking into his eyes fondly and then you leaned to kiss his lips very smoothly. _**"I love you."**_

_**"I love you too."**_ Darren smiled brightly and sweetly in front of your lips. _**"You look so stunning and precious."**_ Darren said amazed caressing your hair. _**"You're everything to me, boo."**_

_**"You too, Dar."**_

There were the two of you feeling more in love than ever, hugging each other and looking into each other's eyes after this new way to show love you found out. Like this, you fell asleep in to each other's arms, in that place that was special for the two of you. That was the perfect moment.

* * *

Next morning you woke up feeling as if nothing could be bad, as if everything was brighter and more beautiful. When you opened your eyes, Darren was lying next to you with his arms wrapped around your waist. He was already awake and he was looking at you with an affectionate smile. When he realized you were awake, he smiled brighter and he leaned to peck your lips.

_**"Good morning, gorgeous."**_ Darren whispered in front of your lips and you smiled.

_**"Good morning, handsome."**_ You answered caressing his hair. _**"Since when are you awake?"**_

_**"Long time ago."**_ Darren answered lazily but cheerfully, nuzzling his nose with yours.

_**"Why haven't you waked me up?"**_ You asked frowning.

_**"Because I love seeing you sleeping and just admire your beauty."**_ Darren answered with an affectionate smile and then he pecked your lips. _**"Soon we have to go. And when we return to the U.S., I'll have to come back to LA."**_

_**"I know, but don't talk about this now. I don't want to ruin this moment; thinking about it gets me down."**_ You said sadly, now looking down.

_**"Come to live with me."**_ Darren's words echoed in the room and you looked up at him, feeling nervous and gloomy.

_**"I'd love it but I can't Darren. I have it all in NYC; my apartment, my friends, I have a job there." **_You whispered gloomy, feeling nervous and scared. Darren sat in bed, he grabbed your hands and he looked into your eyes deeply and with a twinkle in his eyes.

_**"Don't worry about your apartment; we can maintain it from LA so we'll have a place to stay when we go to NYC. About your friends, I could pay you plane tickets to go to NYC every time you have free time, or I could pay plane tickets for them if they want to visit you in LA. Come on!"**_ Darren said desperate and excited, looking at you vividly and trying to convince you.

_**"I wouldn't let you pay things for me, no way. Darren, please stop talking about this." **_You said still scared and nervous, trying to stand up but Darren grabbed your arm and he made you sit in bed again.

_**"We have to talk about this. We need to deal with the fact that I have to go to LA and I wouldn't stand being apart from you. And you know money isn't a problem and I'd be more than happy to pay plane tickets for you. Please, boo."**_ Darren begged looking at you desperate and you looked away, feeling more nervous and starting to freak out.

_**"However, I have job in NYC, Darren. Is a good job and I'm living thanks to that job. And I'm not recognized enough to do what I want, I'm not recognized enough to say that I want to work from LA. Darren, I can't do this. Please, don't ruin this moment."**_ You said looking down and feeling sad and abashed.

_**"Quit that damn job!"**_ Darren exclaimed out loud and desperate. _**"You're good at your job, but it doesn't make you happy. You need to get a job that can make you feel happy and complete."**_

_**"It's easy for you to say it Darren!" **_Now you yelled because of the pressure you were feeling and Darren looked at you with eyes wide open and lips parted. _**"I cannot afford to do what I enjoy doing because I wouldn't get anything. It was extremely hard for me to get the job I have now. I can't go to somewhere where I have nothing."**_

_**"You have me there."**_ Darren said with bated breath and looking down.

_**"Darren, no. Hey, listen, I didn't mean it."**_ You said lifting his chin and caressing his cheek with your thumb. _**"I know I have you there and that would be the best I could ask. But if I go to LA I wouldn't have a place to live, I wouldn't have money to buy food or things, to pay the bills and all of that because I won't have a job."**_

_**"You would have a place to live, because I want to live with you in the same place with Sami. I'd love if we can get the official adoption of Sami and we can live all together, like our own family."**_ Darren said softly and tenderly looking into your eyes with bright eyes. _**"And you should take the risk of doing what you really want even though now you think it's impossible. I know that what you love to do the most is acting because I saw you shinning of happiness when you performed on Broadway. And you have a lot of chances to get a job of acting in LA, more than in NYC. You shouldn't worry about money to pay food or the bills or whatever; I could pay it all until you get a job. But take the risk and do what you really want to do, don't be scared."**_

_**"I can't, Darren. I can't change everything."**_ You said looking down and freaking out. Of course you loved the idea of going to live with Darren and Sami, but you knew you wouldn't get a job in LA.

_**"Change is hard, because naturally we're afraid of the unknown. We just need to jump and learn to fly on the way down."**_ Darren said almost in a whisper looking fixedly into your eyes in a fondly way. _**"Come to live with me, boo. I want to make this next step with you. I know you're the women with whom I want to marry; I know you're the women I want to be the mother of my children. And if you feel the same for me, I beg you to come to live with me and so then we can build our future and grow up together, facing all the things that can happen in our lives together. I want to spend my life with you."**_ Darren said looking at you fondly and deeply but with a hint of desperation.

Darren's words were very intense; just with few words he said all he felt for you. You could notice how much he loved you, just as much as you loved him. If you loved him that much, why couldn't you just say yes to his proposal? If living with Darren and spend your life with him was what you wanted the most, why couldn't just go to LA and face all that could come to happen? After all, you wouldn't be alone to face all those things like before; you'd be with the man you loved as no one else before. And you weren't going to live only with him, but also with Sami, the little girl that was like your daugther. Darren wanted to have a family with you. You were really scared to start a new thing; but if you don't take the risk to try to do what you really wanted, you'd never know if the big change you had to do would be good or not. You looked into Darren's eyes, which were looking at you very affectionately and deeply, and there you found the answer.

_**"Would you come to live with me and build and discover our unknown future together from now on?"**_ Darren asked without stop looking into your eyes deeply and expectant, grabbing your hands and placing them in his heart.

_**"I will."**_ You answered with a smile and the two of you kissed in the mouth, a kiss that this time meant your desires to face a new step of your lives together.

You were more decided than ever to spend your whole life with Darren Criss, the man who saved your life, the man you loved until the end no matter what I'll come to happen. He was your home as you were his home and nothing could be more perfect.


	13. Chapter 13

_Chain Letters. What is its meaning? Its ordinary meaning isn't something pleasant. But this isn't an ordinary chain letters. This is the story of a mysterious girl who once decided to write a letter to three strangers, telling her life story. She didn't have something nice to tell, her life was a mess and everything in her life seemed to be lost and dark. In that moment, her life wasn't worthy for her. But life is weird, life is hard but beautiful. We never know what can happen; we never know when life can change roundly to show all the wonderful things it has even though that usually we cannot see it. This is the story of how this mysterious girl, meets a mysterious guy who changes her life, a guy called Darren Criss. This is the story of how Darren appears in your life to show you a whole new world to discover together; a whole new world full of obstacles, full of bad and good moments which make life to make sense. This is the story of how Darren and you draw your own way in life, about all the things that happen throughout a life: love, friendship, arguments, reconciliations, jealousy, obstacles, overcoming, learning, family, work, and the ups and downs. This is about all the ways we can express what we feel: through talks, gazes, music, actions, physical and emotional contact and... Letters. This is how your life with Darren Criss could be if we dare to dream._

A/N: Oh well! The end of Chain Letters has come. I don't even where to start! This story hasn't been planned to be a long one, it was planned to be only a one shot story. It's funny, because now I have this feeling that I cannot believe I finished it! This story is special to me, because it's like I tried to pour all my heart in it, as cheesy as it sounds. I actually didn't want to write only how your life could be with Darren Criss, I also wanted to give a new point of view of life in general, with a problem that I'm sure we all had to go through at some point of our lives: when everything seems hard and rough and nothing seems to get better and so then we make bad decisions. I wanted to give a new point of view, the point of view that sometimes is hard to us to notice: that life is beautiful despite all the bad things. I don't know if I could accomplish my goal, but it's what I hope. I also hope that you guys could have enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I wanted to thank each one of you, yeah, each one of you who read this story. Yes, I read every review and every private message and I do care what you think and how you feel. Your words guys are so very wonderful that it's crazy how you moved me. You made me feel very thrilled, honestly. It could sound silly, cheesy or whatever, but really I could have never written this if it wasn't for your constant support. So, as Darren would say, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for everything. Without you, Chain Letters wouldn't be what it is now. Now I guess it's time to say goodbye to Chain Letters and I hope I could have finished it in the best way possible and to not let down anyone. I'm gonna keep writing another new story, I honestly don't know when I'm gonna be able to update a new one but I have already some ideas. I also don't know if I'm gonna be able to write a good story, but I'm gonna try it. So guys dream on and enjoy the end of Chain Letters! Thanks again, I send you all a huge hug!

* * *

**Chain Letters. Part 13 – Epilogue.**

* * *

"_**Mommy?" **_

You turned around to see a harmless five years old little boy with huge hazel eyes and curly hair looking at you with a bright smile. When you looked at him from head to toe, you left the script you were reading to stand up, cross your arms and frown. The little boy smiled and blinked charmingly, just as he was used to do when he knew he had done mischief.

_**"Aaron. Can you explain why are you covered with whipped cream and batter?"**_ You asked serious and roundly, even though it was hard for you to not to laugh because of the appearance of Aaron.

_**"Mommy, it wasn't my fault! Daddy started!"**_ Aaron grumbled to the defensive.

_**"Your dad did this?"**_ You asked bossy, raising your eyebrows still crossing your arms.

_**"Hey, you! We agreed it was going to be our secret!"**_ Darren appeared tickling Aaron playfully and giggling amused. He also was covered with whipped cream and batter and parts of his face were covered with flour.

_**"Sorry daddy! But mommy caught me and I don't want her to be mad at me."**_ Aaron answered looking at Darren innocently with his big hazel eyes.

_**"I know, buddy. You mom sometimes tends to overreact. We need to get a witch hat for her, don't you think?"**_ Darren whispered in Aaron's ear while he was kneeling next him and wrapping an arm around Aaron's back. Aaron nodded and giggled but then he looked at you and he stopped laughing.

_**"Mr. Criss."**_ You warned severely, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow.

_**"I'm sorry, Mrs. Criss."**_ Darren said meekly, looking down but then he looked up to you and he smiled faintly and winked at you on the sly. You also smiled faintly amused.

_**"As a punishment for your pranks, the two of you have to wash the dishes for a week."**_ You said severely but actually trying to hold back your laughter. For you, it was still weird to act as a serious mother.

_**"Maybe we could get for her a flying broom also."**_ Darren whispered in Aaron's ear again but looking at you amused.

_**"Now it's gonna be three weeks!"**_ You said frowning pretending to be serious.

_**"So unfair! It should be two weeks, not three! I do not understand your system of punishment." **_Darren complained, throwing a tantrum like a child.

_**"Without complaining, Mr. Criss, or it's gonna be five weeks for you."**_ You said bossy and firmly.

_**"Daddy, you should listen to mommy. She's always right and she wants the best for us, so you should heed her."**_ Aaron said with his sweet voice, looking at Darren. You bit your lower lip to contain your laughter and so did Darren.

_**"You're right, buddy."**_ Darren said messing Aaron's hair playfully. _**"Who's the best mommy in the world?"**_

_**"My mommy!"**_ Aaron exclaimed out loud and he run to you to hug you by your legs as you placed your hands on his hair and started caressing it while laughing with happiness.

_**"Yes, your mommy is the best mommy in the world."**_ Darren said smiling brightly and looking at you fondly while he stood up to walk to you and wrap an arm around your waist. _**"And also you're the most beautiful mommy in the world."**_ Darren whispered in your ear before pecking your lips sweetly.

_**"Alright, everything is ready."**_ Sami appeared in the room, also covered with whipped cream and batter. Sami wasn't the little girl she was used to be, now she was a beauteous and very smart teenager.

_**"Oh my God. You too, Sami?"**_ You shook your head in disbelief but amused.

_**"What? It's always good to have a cupcake war sometimes."**_ Sami said laughing looking at you with her big blue eyes.

_**"No doubts this was Darren's idea, if I don't know him fully."**_ You said looking at Darren still shaking your head and Darren looked at you amused and mocking. _**"What am I gonna do with you all?"**_

_**"Just love us the way we are. A bird told me you're an expert on this subject."**_ Darren said lovingly and mockingly, looking at you and kissing your cheek.

_**"Come on, mommy! We have a surprise for you!"**_ Aaron said tugging the sleeve of your sweater.

_**"A surprise?"**_ You asked curious and amused.

_**"Yes, yes, mommy! Come on, let's go!"**_ Aaron bounced excited and eager. It was adorable to see Aaron like this, so it made you smile brightly.

_**"Aaron, why don't you go with Sami to make final arrangements? Meanwhile I'm gonna entertain your mommy."**_ Darren said winking at Aaron and then he looked at Sami, who nodded in conspiracy.

When Sami and Aaron walked away holding hands, Darren took advantage to pull you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his forehead on yours. He nuzzled his nose on yours and he smiled affectionately before kissing your lips deeply for a while.

_**"You're a very bossy mommy, Mrs. Criss."**_ Darren mocked playfully still wrapping his arms around your waist. _**"How hard was this time to hold back your laughter?"**_

_**"It was so damn hard! You need to stop saying all those funny things when I'm trying to scold Aaron! He wouldn't take me seriously."**_ You said frowning but amused, smiling slightly.

_**"Oh please! Aaron admires and adores you, boo. He's always telling me that I should do what you say to me to do and if I don't do it, he says I'm taking the wrong way. Who would say that our son would end up teaching me instead me teaching him?"**_ Darren asked giggling.

_**"And so why don't you do what I say you have to do?"**_ You asked curious and amused.

_**"Because I'm rebel and spontaneous, cannot be tamed, baby."**_ Darren answered seductively, raising an eyebrow and getting closer.

_**"You sure? I know a way I can tame you."**_ You said seductively and flirty running your fingers through Darren's curls.

_**"Sneaky! I cannot be tamed except for some things of you that I won't tell you or you're gonna end up winning all the time."**_ Darren whispered in front of your lips.

_**"You wondered why Aaron teaches you instead you teaching him. There you have your answer."**_ You said raising an eyebrow amused. _**"It seems I have three children instead two."**_

_**"How funny!"**_ Darren exclaimed raising his eyebrows but amused. _**"But you love me like this."**_ Darren winked and you laughed softly.

_**"Yes, I do. I must be crazy."**_ You said shaking your head and Darren pulled you closer.

_**"Very crazy, Mrs. Criss. And it only makes me love you more and more." **_Darren whispered in front of your lips and he kissed your lips intensely. _**"Come on, sexy mommy, we have a surprise for you. And later I'm gonna give you my surprise, but that one is private."**_ Darren winked and you smiled intrigued and amused.

Darren covered your eyes and you laughed amused. He led you to somewhere that seemed the dining room. You heard Sami and Aaron giggling softly and you felt how Darren was doing some gestures with his hands. After few minutes, Darren, behind you, uncovered your eyes and wrapped his hands on your waist, resting his chin on your shoulders while Sami and Aaron came running to you to hug you.

"_**Happy Mother's Day!" **_The three of them exclaimed loudly and cheerfully at the same time with big smiles on their faces.

They all seemed really happy and they showed you a table, which was full of cupcakes which spelled out "Happy Mother's Day" on most of them. You were in fact in the dining room, but they have taken away the table and the chairs to put there the coffee table and four cushions to sit. Next to the cupcakes there were some gift boxes and a lot of cards handwritten. You recognized from the distance who wrote each card. You giggled softly when you saw the card that Aaron wrote for you, he learned how to write some words not long ago with help from you and Darren; his handwriting was inconsistent and messy, written in crayon and with a lot of scrawls, but excessively adorable. Aaron took you by one of your hands and Sami took your other hand and they led you to one of the cushions to sit. You sat there and Sami and Aaron sat next to you, both of them hugging you; Aaron resting his head on your lap and Sami on your shoulder. Darren sat on the cushion which was in front of yours and he looked deeply into your eyes, with a twinkle in his eyes; he seemed touched as much as you were. You never imagined they could do something like this; actually, you never imagined to have a family like this. And it was blissful.

_**"Eat a cupcake, mommy!"**_ Aaron insisted looking at you with his huge hazel eyes. You smiled but you looked at the cupcakes with suspicion. Aaron was five and he had no idea how to bake cupcakes and you knew that Darren was a disaster when it came to cooking. Sami laughed out loud and then she looked at you.

_**"Don't worry. You can eat it because I told them how to do it and everything was under my control. I checked all they were doing, so it's safe." **_Sami said confidently still smiling amused.

_**"I trust you, Sami. I really don't want to eat something cooked by Darren. Have I told you that the first time we met, Darren tried to cook toast bread and he burnt it? It seemed as if I were eating a rock, it was really disgusting and gross! But it was the first time we met, so I had to eat it! I don't want to experience it over again."**_ You laughed and Sami and Aaron laughed along with you, while Darren looked at you amused but frowning as if he were displeased.

_**"Hey! We agreed you wouldn't tell that to anyone! It was a long time ago anyway. I got better."**_ Darren said raising an eyebrow and amused.

_**"You didn't."**_ Sami assured. _**"Have you forgotten when you tried to cook a beefsteak with salad?"**_ Sami asked amused and Darren looked at her frowning but amused. _**"You burnt the beefsteak and it was inedible, I almost broke my teeth. And the salad? Oh my God. Who in the earth try to make a salad with cabbage, olives, tomato and vinegar? That's the most disgusting combination ever!"**_

_**"I tried to be creative that time! It wasn't so bad."**_ Darren defended himself, crossing his arms and frowning.

_**"And when daddy tried to cook homemade noodles? It was more like eating sticky dough!"**_ Aaron exclaimed entertained and giggling.

_**"Alright, that was enough!"**_ Darren exclaimed loudly, frowning and amused. _**"I'll admit it. I'll never be a good cook. I suck and I'll always suck."**_ Darren shook his head and you all laughed out loud. _**"Now eat that cupcake. And if it's gross, remember that it was made with love."**_

_**"Wish me luck!"**_ You bantered before tasting the cupcake. _**"Actually this is really delicious!"**_ You exclaimed surprised.

_**"I told you I was getting better."**_ Darren joked and you all laughed.

After spending a lovely and really wonderful afternoon with your family, and after tucking Aaron and Sami into bed, Darren and you were huddled in bed but awake. Darren looked into your eyes very intensely and he caressed your cheek fondly.

_**"Have you ever imagined having a lovely family like we have?"**_ Darren asked smoothly with a fond smile.

* * *

_NINE YEARS AGO (Los Angeles)…_

* * *

_**"I shouldn't have moved here."**_ You said frustrated and grumpy one afternoon, sitting on the couch with a newspaper on your hands.

_**"Why do you say it? Don't you like LA? Or don't you like living with me?" **_Darren asked next to you with a sad voice. He was working in some scores, very concentrated.

_**"Darren, it has been five months and I didn't get any damn job! Every day I go to interviews, I look for jobs in this stupid newspaper, I walked around all LA and there's nothing. Nothing!"**_ You exclaimed angry but also sad and desperate.

Darren looked into your eyes for a while and then he put aside his scores and his pen to place a hand on your shoulder and squeeze it reassuringly while you just looked down feeling blue.

_**"We have time. You're gonna find a job sooner or later if that's what you want and if you don't give up hope. Meanwhile, you shouldn't feel bad if you don't get a job quickly. Enjoy your time here, don't go to so many interviews and go out to discover new places in LA, it's a beautiful place and you aren't enjoying it because you're too worry about finding a job."**_ Darren said reassuringly looking into your eyes.

_**"Darren I feel as if I were a complete incompetent and useless. I never thought it could be so hard; I didn't even get a job as a waitress! And I'm here doing nothing while you work all the time to pay for everything and I feel as if I were taking advantage of your money and I hate it! I hate all of this." **_You said frustrated and feeling down.

_**"Hey, I never felt as if you were taking advantage of my money, why would you feel like that? You never wanted anything from me and you never asked me to pay something for you, from the beginning you made it clear that you were a self-dependent woman and I always admired it from you. Don't think about this as if I were paying everything for you because you can't get a job; think about this as if you were in vacations and you need to enjoy your free time being in LA until you find a job."**_ Darren said reassuringly and when he saw he wasn't making you feel better, he continued talking. _**"Listen. I really don't mind to pay everything, I've lived alone for years and I always had to pay everything by myself. Now I want to share all I have with you because I'm happy to live with you and that's what I really care about. What I want is you to feel comfortable and happy living with me, and I don't want you to find any kind of job. I want you to find a job that can make you feel accomplished, a job that is your passion like acting or dancing. And if you find a job that you don't like but you accepted it because you want to help me to pay the bills, I'm gonna force you to quit it until you get the perfect job for you. I have the chance to do this, and I'm gonna do it. So don't feel incompetent, you're gonna find something; and please don't force yourself to find a job quickly because when you realize all the time you wasted on being so hard with yourself, it's gonna be too late. I'm gonna be always here to support you on everything you decide to do as long as it makes you happy. So just take a break, don't go to interviews at least for a week and then go to find a job. Deal?"**_ Darren said softly caressing you cheek and with a sweet smile.

"_**But, if I don't find a job never here?"**_ You asked a bit scared.

"_**Never say never. You're gonna find a job that you like, it doesn't matter how long it'll take. Look, when I started my career I never imagined to be where I am now. I had a lot of hopes when I was a teen, and it was really hard for me to be where I am. But I never gave up on hope and once I had a chance and everything started changing. If it happened to me, why wouldn't it happen to you?"**_ Darren asked looking deeply into your eyes. _**"If I can give you a little advice, it's that it doesn't matter how hard it seems; if you're sure of what you want and what is that something that makes you happy, you're gonna be always strong enough to keep moving and do whatever it takes to get it. Be self-confident. You have the talent but you're not taking advantage of it because you're too scared. Forget all the prejudices and fears and be risky and confident, then you're gonna be able to do whatever you want. I believe in you, boo."**_ Darren said lovingly and then he pecked your lips.

"_**Thanks Dar, for always being so supportive and for believing in me. I won't disappoint you."**_ You smiled at him, the man who always knew what to say to make you feel good and who was always there to show you your way whenever you were lost.

"_**I know you won't. You'd never disappoint me, boo. Come on, my muse. I need your wise advice to finish these scores, so then I can invite you to dinner."**_ Darren said fondly kissing your lips and you smiled brightly.

You spent the whole afternoon helping Darren with his new song, since he said you were his muse because since you were there with him, he could write a lot of new songs. It was just a normal afternoon, how your life was now with Darren Criss.

Three weeks later you were in the kitchen, making breakfast for Sami and Darren who were still sleeping. Sami had to go to school and Darren had to go to the Glee set all day long. You were really quiet until your iPhone started buzzing. It was an unknown number.

_**"Hello?"**_ You answered frowning, because it was weird to get a call from an unknown number.

_**"Hello, miss. I'm Chuck Lorre, I'm calling in name of Chuck Lorre Productions and Warner Bros. Television. You've sent us your resume, haven't you?"**_ A man's voice said and you got extremely nervous because you never expected to get this kind of call.

_**"Yes, yes that's right."**_ You answered with trembling voice, trying to sit somewhere because your whole body was trembling because of nervousness.

_**"Good. Miss, you've written in your resume that you've performed a show on Broadway, starring Mr. Criss. We've been researching about it and we've got a good reputation of you, besides we've got a video where we could watch your performance. In this opportunity, we're calling to know if you're interested to get a secondary role on the TV series The Big Bang Theory."**_ Chuck Lorre said in terms of professionalism.

Dear God, was this real? A role in the TV series The Big Bang Theory, one of the best TV series? Were they calling you to be part of their cast? This must be a sort of joke, this couldn't be happening. You were almost panicking because of your surprise and you needed to take a long breathe to calm down.

"_**Yes, yes. I'd be interested!"**_ You exclaimed not trying to sound too excited and freak him out.

"_**Is really great to hear that, miss. Usually we do a casting before hire someone but, as I said, we already watched your performance on Broadway and we're aware that you've had only one day of rehearsal, so we're aware of your capacity for acting. What we're gonna do is only a test if you can correctly interpret the character. If you can, then we're gonna be honored to have you as part of our cast."**_ Chuck Lorre said politely and you bit your lips to avoid squeal of excitement. _**"Are you free this afternoon at 5 pm to come over here, the Warner Brothers Studios, in 110 Acre Burbank lot?"**_

"_**Uhm, yes. I'm free this afternoon. So yes, I can go today."**_ You said in disbelief and completely excited.

"_**Great! Then we can start today. I'm glad you accepted our offer. Don't forget to bring your manager so we can start today the papers of the contract. See you at 5 pm, miss. Have a good morning."**_ Chuck Lorre said gently.

"_**You too, Mr. Lorre."**_ You answered politely, trying to contain yourself.

When you hung up, you started bouncing and jumping of happiness, squealing of excitement and still not sure of what was a dream and what was real. Three weeks ago you were feeling frustrated because you couldn't get any kind of job and now you had an opportunity to get a job of what you liked to do the most: acting. How surreal did it sound? This was the chance of your life, you dreamed with this all your life and now it was happening. You didn't know what to do to contain yourself. You went running to your bedroom where Darren was still sleeping and you started jumping in the bed like a child, squealing senseless things very excited. Of course you woke up Darren, who looked at you frowning with sleepy eyes.

_**"What the hell boo? If you want to wake me up to go to work, is enough if you squeeze my shoulder." **_Darren said with hoarse voice and he covered his face with the pillow, still sleepy.

_**"I got it, Dar! I got it! I got it!"**_ You squealed excited still jumping in the bed and then you jumped on Darren's body.

_**"Oh, man! Are you trying to kill me?"**_ Darren exclaimed confused and frowning, looking at you on top of him. _**"What did you get?"**_

_**"The job! I got the job!" **_You exclaimed out loud with a huge and bright smiling, bouncing on top of Darren. Darren opened his eyes widely and he sat on bed with you sitting on his lap. His face lightened and he smiled at you brightly, now excited as much as you were. You two seemed as if you were two little kids who have got their first toy.

_**"Oh my wizard God! Did you get a job? Are you serious? What job? Tell me, tell me!"**_ Darren exclaimed excited and eager.

_**"Chuck Lorre called me! He wants me to be part of the cast of The Big Bang Theory! It's a secondary role, but it's a start! He told me he watched my performance on Broadway and he wanted to hire me without doing a casting! Oh God, Darren! I can't believe this! This is a dream!"**_ You exclaimed with choked voice, very thrilled and dazzled.

"_**This isn't a dream, boo! This is happening!"**_ Darren exclaimed very happy, looking at you with a twinkle in his eyes and smiling widely. _**"And damn! You got a role in the Big Bang Theory! Boo, that is one of the best TV series in the world! Oh my God! I'm so fucking proud of you! I knew you'd find a totally amazing job!"**_ Darren said thrilled and then he kissed your lips.

"_**But, Dar. I don't know if I can do it."**_ You said now a bit scared and insecure, looking down.

"_**Oh, no, no, no." **_Darren said quickly, placing his hands on your cheeks and making you to look at him, deeply into his eyes. _**"They called you and they won't even do a casting. They want you because they believe in you. And I believe in you, I know you can do it; and not only you can do it, but I'm sure you'll leave them speechless and flabbergasted because of your totally amazing and extraordinary talent. Don't waste your talent, show them who you are and what you've got. You're just like a tiny star which needs to start to shine and, once you get it, you're gonna dazzle everyone with your brightness. Show them all your brightness that you always show me. This is your life and you wanted for this for so long, so just embrace it. You may be thinking that you don't deserve to have good things in life, but let me tell you something; you not only deserve good things in life, you are a good thing in this life. So just shine and be yourself, fight for your dreams; I'll always be here to hold your hand and support you. Do it, you're the right one."**_ Darren said sweetly with a twinkle in his eyes, as he was bewitched with every word he said about you. You looked thrilled at him deeply into his eyes, looking at the guy who always made you feel as if you were a charming person.

_**"You're right. I never thought I could get good things in life. But then I've got you."**_ You almost whispered looking at Darren fondly and then you leaned to peck his lips lovingly. _**"I'll do it."**_

* * *

_EIGHT YEARS AGO (Los Angeles)…_

* * *

Since last year, when the producer of the The Big Bang Theory TV series called you, you've got a lot of jobs. You got a promotion at work and now you were a regular actress on The Big Bang Theory series. Not only that, but having worked in that TV series, gave you a lot of opportunities in show business. You couldn't believe how fast you achieved a lot of successful moments; it seemed as if you were living the time of your life. In a matter of a year, you've worked on a lot of TV series as a special guest, one of them Glee, working next to Darren; you also were invited on several TV programs and interviews, the most important to you was to have been interviewed by Ellen Degeneres. You even were working now on a feature film, directed by the very well-known David Lynch, starring Ryan Gosling. Everything you ever wanted was happening and you felt as if you were living in a dream where everything was good, where you were working with passion on something that you loved to do since you had memory. Everything was as you dreamed; everything was perfect except for one thing. Your sudden fame and stardom in the entertainment world brought you several problems that you weren't used to dealing with. You were losing your privacy because a lot of people were trying to interfere in your life to get private information and then make up false stories or distort reality. Also you were getting more and more job opportunities and you couldn't reject a job offer because it was very hard for you to get to be where you were now, so you couldn't miss these opportunities. Therefore, you barely had free time. You were working all the time and you were really tired, but you knew you had to do your best because maybe you wouldn't have these opportunities in the future. The fact of having a lot of work, of being really tired and the fact of not having enough free time made you be weary, cheerless and grouchy. On your free time you only wanted to sleep and relax. The sum of all these reasons led you to hardly have time to spend with Darren, to strengthen your relationship. You and Darren barely talked and everything turned into a monotonous routine. You haven't even realized when was the moment that you and Darren stopped talking and ceased to be loving with each other, it just happened and now it seemed a really hard thing to reverse; it seemed that neither you nor Darren were in mood to be how you used to be, neither you nor Darren had the nuts to have "the talk" to figure out what was going on because it was easier this way, but not the best for you.

That day you were having a coffee while reading the script of the film in which you had to act. But you were very tired and you couldn't focus on the script as much as you tried because your mind was thinking about your relationship with Darren and how negative this situation was for Sami. You never thought that living with someone would be so hard because all your life you lived practically alone. You were oversaturated with issues and problems and this caused you constant headaches. You took a pill for the migraine and then you sat again on the table with your coffee, frowning and grumpy. At that time Darren arrived and he hasn't even greeted you; he only walked to the kitchen to make a coffee for himself and minutes later he sat on the table with his own scripts.

_**"Hi."**_ You greeted Darren almost in a whisper.

_**"Hi."**_ Darren answered curtly, without looking away from his scripts. You looked down feeling really blue for letting your relationship with him get to this point where the indifference took precedence.

_**"In one hour we have to go pick up Sami."**_ You said after few minutes of silence.

_**"Oh, I'll go if you're too busy." **_Darren answered once again without looking away from his scripts.

_**"No, I can go. I need to clear my head." **_

_**"Oh, amazing! Because I have an absurdly amount of work to do."**_ Darren exclaimed humdrum, taking a sip of his coffee.

_**"I thought we could go together. It's been a while we don't go out together."**_ You said looking at him now feeling a bit shy. Darren didn't look up to you.

_**"I'm so sorry. But if you can go I'd rather to stay here and read all of these scripts, so at least I can sleep a few hours."**_ Darren said frowning and trying to focus on his scripts.

_**"Okay."**_ You answered gloomy, looking down.

_**"Thank you."**_ Darren said curtly and then he took another sip of his coffee, still reading his scripts with his glasses on. _**"Next time, when we get to have more free time, we can go together."**_

_**"Yeah. I'm starting to think that we won't have such free time."**_ You whispered looking down and raising an eyebrow, being realistic.

_**"We will."**_ Darren answered curtly.

_**"It's been six months since the last time we went out together. We always said that when we get to have free time, we were going to hang out, and it never happened."**_ You said this time looking at Darren and Darren finally looked up to you frowning.

_**"It's not my fault that you've taken your sudden fame in this way. I never imagined it could be like this." **_Darren said looking into your eyes blankly and frowning, crossing his arms and putting his scripts aside.

_**"What do you mean when you say in this way?"**_ You asked serious, frowning, and without understanding.

_**"This obsessive way to do everything related to work. This absurd person you became; a selfish, greedy, smug, and surly person; very different from the person I met and the person I fell in love. This avaricious way to think only about yourself and what is good for you, forgetting that Sami and I are here living with you. It's all about you, you and your damn work."**_ Darren suddenly said without mincing words; apparently he was saying all he had repressed for a long time to say, all the resentment he had inside. You gaped and looked at him hurt and aghast, but Darren didn't stop looking at you resentful.

_**"It's not like that."**_ You answered in a whisper, still in shock at his words; feeling really bad because of the way Darren thought of you.

_**"Yes, it's like that. But you can't notice it, because you're too busy to look back and see what you've become, the decisions you've made and how you've replaced your family for the job. Because it seems that your fame happened to be in the foreground and Sami and I in a secondary. You don't even care if we are fine, if Sami is going well in her new school. Did you know that her teacher called us to convene a meeting because Sami had a fight with a boy who called her a baseborn? No, of course you didn't know it, because you're very busy and you cannot be disturbed with less important things than your work, because it won't give you more fame and you need to feed on fame and you need only the applause to be happy now. I never thought that your own brightness would daze yourself, making you go blind."**_ Darren said harshly but sadly at the same time, looking at you serious and frowning. _**"I thought you were different."**_

Darren's words hurt you deep in your heart and you looked at him with watery eyes. At some point he was right because your work consumed almost all your time; but on the other hand, Darren was very wrong when he said you didn't care about them because they were the most important thing for you.

_**"So why haven't you guided me? Why haven't you talked to me about this before, making me notice all of this, Darren? Why haven't you done anything about? All of this is something new for me and I don't know how to handle it!"**_ You reproached him with choked voice and desperate, looking at him with watery eyes.

_**"What else do you want me to do?"**_ Darren asked in disbelief looking at you with eyes wide open_**. "I tried to talk about this to you before, but I always thought that you needed to enjoy all of those new fantastic things for you in your professional life. But you took all of those fantastic things in a bad way, I tried to make you notice it but you never paid me attention because you were busy. And everything went to hell, out of control and it ended up on this shit we're living now."**_ Darren looked wide-eyed at you, very riled and exasperated. _**"So don't blame me, because I tried a lot of things that never worked; I never gave up but now I'm tired."**_ Darren said softening his voice and looking down. He seemed really disappointed of you and it killed you because all you wanted was to make him feel proud of you, you wanted someone to feel proud of you. You remained in silence for a while trying to hold back your tears.

"_**I think I need a break."**_ You said almost in a whisper looking down and Darren looked up to you abruptly. _**"I'm not fine and I need to be away of everything for a while." **_You whispered and Darren shook his head, looking down again and sighing. _**"I'm coming back to New York alone for a while until I get to clear things in my mind and until I get to feel fine again, because I can't keep going like this."**_

_**"Do whatever you want. It's up to you, after all this is all about you and your work."**_ Darren said curtly, looking away and standing up with his scripts. _**"Don't worry about Sami, I'll pick her up. You focus on packing your suitcase or whatever."**_ Darren said as final sentence before leaving you alone on the dining room.

_**"Right."**_ Your gloomy voice echoed in the empty room.

* * *

_EIGHT YEARS AGO (New York City) …_

* * *

It had been three weeks since you were in NYC, when you decided to be away from Los Angeles for an indefinite time. Before leaving you talked to David Lynch and Chuck Lorre to tell them that you needed to travel for a personal inconvenience; they thought it was because a recent loss and you haven't contradicted it because you knew it could be a way they could leave you travel. Fortunately, they gave you that permission. Before you left LA, Darren and you haven't talked again. Darren only saw your suitcases on the living room after he picked up Sami and he shook his head and sighed. Before you left LA, Darren only said to you: _"Be safe and greet your friends for me."_ Only that; nothing more, nothing less. Now you were in Matt's place in NYC and you haven't received any news from Darren; he hasn't called you, he hasn't texted you, he hasn't gave you signs of life. You thought that coming back to NYC would help you to get better, but it wasn't like that; every day you were feeling worse, you missed Sami and you missed Darren with all your soul more and more. The first days in NYC were fine, because you got to meet your friends that you missed a lot and you loved but, with the passing of days, you found out that they also had an established life there; they had a good job, new friends and a lot of things to do. Of course they spent time with you and they gave you some advices about your situation with Darren when you told them everything, despite all the work and events they had to go; but you weren't feeling good. You were feeling alone and you realized how many things you missed out for being so focused on your job.

That afternoon, after three weeks you were in NYC, someone knocked Matt's door. Matt was in the bathroom and he yelled from there if you could open the door, that probably it was April. You stood up because you were lying on the couch, reading a book to try to keep your mind busy and not to think of how you missed Sami and Darren and how you screwed up everything. You walked to the door and opened it; you barely had time to see who it was because you were pulled into a very tight hug from a person you recognized for his aroma and presence. Darren was there, in NYC, in Matt's place, hugging you very tight as never before, burying his head on your shoulder. His hug, his aroma, his presence, feeling the warmth of his body made you feel very thrilled and you felt as if your legs were jelly, your whole body started trembling because of the emotion you were feeling to have him there. You couldn't help it; you started shedding tears of joy and sadness at the same time. Darren was there and nothing else mattered.

_**"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry boo!"**_ Darren whispered with thrilled voice, still hugging very tight.

_**"No, I'm sorry, Dar. I didn't know I was hurting..."**_

_**"I never meant to say all the things I said, I was terrible. I was a terrible boyfriend who couldn't..."**_

_**"I wish I could go back in time and make up for all the mistakes I did, because really..."**_

_**"You're the best I have and I treated you in a really crap way. You didn't deserve it and all I said it's not true..."**_

_**"I lost you because a stupid job and I made you feel as I don't care about you when actually all I wanted to do was to make you feel proud of me but I took the wrong way and I feel really bad because of this. I lost the most I love in this world."**_ You said crying on Darren's chest, who was still hugging you. Then Darren finally looked up to you and you barely could see his eyes because you were seeing everything blurry because of the tears falling down your face. Darren rested his forehead on yours still hugging you.

_**"No, boo, no! You haven't lost me, you could never lose me because I'd never let you go away from me." **_Darren said with choked voice looking into your eyes._** "And you don't have to do anything to make me feel proud of you, I was proud of you from the beginning; since you sent me your first letters and you told me all you had to go through."**_ Darren said with watery eyes while you couldn't stop shedding tears. _**"And it's not a stupid job; and if you took the wrong way is because I wasn't there to help you to go through this whole new thing for you. Is because I was so freaked out of losing you now that you were living the best moment, I was freaked out that you could find someone else to love, I was so freaked out that I started making up things in my mind and I never thought you were being like that because you needed me and you felt jaded of all the things you had to do; and I never noticed it because all I could think was that you were distant because you liked another guy and you were tired of our routine, I thought you wanted someone else that could make you feel as happy as you were before. I don't know, I was so blinded and so stupid!"**_

_**"No, Dar! I could never like another guy! You're the one I love and I love you and Sami and what we have. And it was my entire fault because I should've done something when I noticed things between us were getting worse! Because I knew it was because of me and my job. But I let the time pass because I thought that with time things were going to solve their selves. I was scared to talk to you because I was scared you could tell me you didn't feel for me the same you felt before."**_ You said crying, resting your head on Darren's chest while he started caressing your hair. _**"I'm so sorry, I was too coward because I couldn't deal with this, because I don't know what I'd do if ever you miss me, my life would bring down."**_

_**"It doesn't have to be like that. I know we can overcome this together. Please boo, come back to LA, I need you because I love you and you have no idea how much I missed you with me. I miss your laughter brightening my life, I need your shine to light up my days, I miss getting lost into your bright eyes, I miss your caresses which make me feel as if nothing else matters because that's all I need to be happy. Please come back so I can tell you a thousand times in your ear that I love you and you are to me, if you're not with me I can't keep going."**_ Darren said placing his hands on your cheeks and looking deeply into your eyes. _**"Please forgive all my mistakes and please come back because I cannot stand my life without you."**_

_**"Would you guys just forgive each other, kiss and admit the fact that neither of you want to be apart from each other? For god sake! You make me get on my nerves!"**_ Matt exclaimed behind Darren and you.

Darren and you turned around to see Matt leaning against the couch, looking amused at the two of you, with a roguish smirk. Darren laughed jovially, a laugh you haven't heard in a long time, a zestful laugh you haven't seen in a long time that made him look flawless and glowing; his laughter which made your heart skip a beat. Darren turned around now to look at you and to smile brightly. He slowly leaned to kiss your lips deeply; after a long time you finally got to feel his lips against yours, you enjoyed it as if it was your first kiss. A weird and fluttery feeling ran throughout your whole body and you got those butterflies in your stomach. You couldn't remember since when you haven't kissed Darren but it didn't matter because this feeling was very pleasant and amazing. The kiss lasted for several seconds until Matt interrupted you.

_**"Yeah, Darren. You can sleep in her bedroom until you both come back to LA. It's my pleasure to have you here. Just one thing, don't be so noisy at night, I'd like to be able to sleep."**_ Matt joked and then he grabbed his backpack. _**"I'm going to April's place tonight. I guess you both need some intimacy now." **_Matt winked and chuckled amusingly before he left his own apartment, leaving you and Darren completely alone.

_**"Would you like to snuggle up to me? I miss that like hell."**_ Darren whispered in front of your lips with a fond smile.

_**"I'd love it."**_ You smiled and pecked his lips. Snuggle up to Darren was one of the things you loved the most to do since the very first time you met him in person, since the first time that you and him slept cuddled up on your couch when you were just two good friends.

* * *

_SEVEN YEARS AGO (Los Angeles)…_

* * *

A year ago, Darren and you had to experience a couple crises. The routine, typical experience of couples that make the decision to live together for the first time killed gradually your relationship. After this, some couples realize they aren't for each other as they thought and they end up breaking up for the good of both. But some couples can overcome this kind of crisis together because their love and bond is strong enough; this was what happened between you and Darren. When Darren went to NYC to find you and to get you back, finally you and he were honest with each other; you had that famous scary talk that every couple has when they're going through a bad moment. Darren told you all the things that he didn't like about your life together, all your habits and behaviors, your lack of time to spend together, your habit to not say all the things you didn't like because you preferred to keep all that in your mind to not cause troubles, and all you could imagine. You also told Darren all the things you didn't like about your life with him. But you didn't tell all of those things in a bad way, you talked with honesty and with the goal to get a solution after saying all the troubles that you raised in your relationship. Neither Darren nor you wanted to change the way you were, neither of you thought that could be the solution because the real solution isn't changing the personality of the other person because that way you wouldn't be yourselves, that way you weren't going to be the person you fell in love with. You decided that the best solution would be to change the way you were living, that you needed to set a time for work, a time for your relationship, a time to spend with Sami and your friends, and a time to be alone, because after all we all need time to spend alone otherwise you'd be suffocated. You agreed that the solution would be to overcome any little trouble that you were going to have together, always talking and supporting each other. But you haven't talked only about the bad things of your life together, you also talked about all the good things you had; because all those good things of your life together you'd find the real solution; you needed to clung on all those good things to overcome every problem you could get to have. It was a really hard talk, a talk that you should've had a long time ago; but that talk helped to be right where you were now. Now you and Darren were living happy, enjoying all you had, with a balance between work, your relationship, family, and friends. Some people say that we learn from mistakes, that all the bad things we have to go through aren't bad things if we took them to improve a situation and to strengthen ourselves and strengthen bonds; those people are right. Nothing can be bad if we find out the way to take something good and positives of it. You and Darren have got a lot to learn and you still had a lot to learn and all was hard, but nobody said it was easy and it was what made your relationship grow. No matter how bad and hard things could seem, we always end up finding the way to be happy, sometimes it takes a long time, sometimes not. The important was that neither Darren nor you gave up. And despite all the troubles and inconveniences, Darren and you were really happy together. Maybe this wasn't what you expected or dreamed for your life, maybe not everything was perfect, maybe not everything was like a fairy tale; but you were human beings and the imperfections of your relationship were the things that made it be perfect. Your imperfect life was perfect with Darren, the imperfect man that you loved.

That week you were alone because Darren was in UK, in a Glee tour. Sami was in vacations and she wanted to spend it with Cerine and Bill. You had a lot of work so you decided to take advantage that you were alone to do all you could so, that when Sami and Darren returned, you could spend more time with them. But you haven't forced yourself too much; instead you tried to keep the balance between work and time for yourself for relaxing. Even though you missed Sami and Darren already, you knew they were fine and they were enjoying their time as you were enjoying yours and that was what mattered. With time you learned that being alone sometimes isn't as bad as it seems, actually is good to be alone sometimes because in that way you find out that you aren't alone, because being apart doesn't mean to be alone, being apart sometimes makes you love more the other person. Sami was going to come back next week and Darren was going to come back in two days, so you were going have time to spend only with Darren. You've planned to give him a surprise, not only for his success in the tour in UK, but also because today it has been five years since you and Darren were a couple. You couldn't celebrate it now because obviously Darren wasn't there, but for that reason you planned a trip to Maui for four days. So now you were in the kitchen, searching for hotels to stay there while you were taking a coffee that summer morning until you heard someone knocking. You weren't expecting anyone but maybe it was something related to work, so you stood up and opened the door. It was a postman. It's been a while since the last time you saw a postman and it reminded you that time when Darren and you exchanged letters, a memory that made you smile. You received the letter thinking it was a letter from work, but then you read from where it's been sent. The address was in UK and it was from Darren. You couldn't explain it, but suddenly your day lighted up and you felt a tickle in your belly. It's been six years since the last time Darren sent you a letter because then you started to text, to call, to send emails, and of course because now you were living together; so that letter was something really special for you and it had a big symbolic significance because this way you met him. Now things were different from that time that Darren and you were used to write letters; now you haven't received that letter like the depressed and lost girl you were long time ago, now you've received that letter as the happy woman as you were. Things were different, you were different, but the significance of receiving his letter was the same, that feeling of butterflies in your stomach because of receiving his letter was intact. Why would Darren send you a letter if he could call you or send you and email? This was weird, but you loved it, it was something you weren't expecting. You quickly came back to the kitchen to open the envelope and read the letter. Darren's handwriting was still the same and it caused you an extreme happiness that you couldn't avoid grinning goofily.

"**My very loved mysterious girl (not so mysterious now). If everything went as planned, this letter has arrived in a timely manner; if not this is an epic fail and I'm gonna feel super frustrated, but we're gonna pretend this arrived in a timely manner. How would we know if this letter arrived in a timely manner? Well, it's easy. Today should be a very special day, if you know what I mean. Is this that special day? Choose the right answer and follow the instructions:**

**1) No, it's not that special day yet, asshole! Instruction: Stop reading the letter and read it that day. I really mean it; you really don't want to screw this! I know what you're thinking, but don't even think about it. Be patient!**

**2) Bad news, the special day has gone already. Instruction: Kidnap the postman because I'm gonna kick the postman's ass for screwing this because of his delay.**

**3) Yay! Today is that special day! Instruction: Keep reading the letter. Go, go, go!**

**If you're reading now is because today is this special day, if it's not I'm gonna be mad at you because I told you to be patient! This is your last chance to stop reading the letter if you aren't supposed to read it. I'm gonna give you five seconds to change your mind. One...two...three...four...five. Okay, now if you're reading this is because is really that special day and I'm sorry for the five seconds and all, but you really needed you change your mind. **

**Hold on a second! You know what that special day is about, don't you? Answer it, I can't hear you! Oh, right! I won't hear you anyway. But answer it anyway because this way it's gonna be more dynamic and entertaining. You know and I know that I have a terrible memory but, have you really thought I could forget this is the fifth year we're a couple? I haven't. And I'm far away and unfortunately I can't be there with you to celebrate it as I'd like. So then I came up with this idea, an original way to celebrate our fifth year as a couple. Surely you asked yourself why I sent you a letter and I haven't called you instead (oh yeah, I know you so well!). This is the answer: I thought... What could be better than celebrate it in the same way we met? By letters. Things are different, I know, but writing you a letter is like commemorate everything once we had, everything we have and everything we're gonna have. For some people grab a pen and write a letter is something insignificant, I thought it was something insignificant, until I received your first letter. The letters began to become more important to me. I never knew all you can express with a letter, all you can feel by writing or receiving a letter and less I knew you could fall in love with it. Letters are the essence of what we are today. Poets often describe love as a feeling that is beyond our control that overcomes logic and common sense. In my case it was exactly like that. I didn't expect fall in love with you and I doubt that you had expected fall in love with me. But when we met, neither could avoid it. We fell in love despite our differences and in doing so; we created a unique and wonderful feeling. You and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me how to love and be loved. For me it was a love that can exist only once, so every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of our relationship. People call it madness, but I call it love. I love you. I am who I am because of you. You're every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we're together is the greatest day of my life. I'll always be yours. You're everything I never knew I always wanted. It's like something I didn't know existed. I mean, it's been like a dream, you've been like a dream, the greatest dream. So I can say that whatever comes our way, we'll see it through and, you know, that's what our love can do. It could sound cheesy, but I really think that you and I were made to get love right.**

**Five years ago we were just strangers, now you're the love of my life. It's been the best five years I've had. I don't want celebrate it as normal couples do, celebrating it for all the time they've spent together, all the time they endured together. I want to celebrate it as all the time we've been next to each other learning something new, going through all the good and bad things together, all the time we fight for our love without giving up even when we thought there was no hope for us. I want to celebrate what it's been the best years of my life. I'm away, yeah, but I was also away when we met through letters and it didn't stop me from loving you and celebrate all your good moments with you even though I didn't know you in person. We could do it in the past, why can't do it now? And you know exactly how we can do it. Do you remember our games? Questions and answers was one, but there was another one. Ready for the surprises through letters? I missed those and I'm sure so did you. Sometimes I can be very creative and cautious, you know? And sometimes you can be very clueless, I love that. So, if I were you, I'd look all over our house to find a little blue box, called 'Surprise number 1' Oh yeah! I'll give you only one clue: You always tell me to clean that place and once you told me you weren't going to do it for me. Well, I never cleaned that place, you never cleaned that place; it was perfect, don't you think? **

**But hey, that's not the only surprise. You also have to find the 'Surprise number 2'. How would you find it? Well, sometimes is good to read a certain book. But it's not an ordinary book; it's an original book, full of memories. It might be a lovely summer day in LA, so maybe you'd want to go to Barnsdall Art Park Recreation Center to read that book. Who knows? Maybe there you could find something, like the 'Surprise number 3'!**

**Well, that's all I'm gonna say. It's up to you to find all the surprises, in total are five surprises. I believe in your ability to find all the clues, as I remember, you've always been good at it, you proved me it several times. So, good luck, my favorite and loved mysterious girl!**

**I love you like hell and soon we're gonna see again and I'll be ready to give you all my love. Consider it as a resemblance when we first met in person. **

**Happy five totally awesome years, my boo.**

**Warm fuzzies, cuddles and kisses for you. With all my love, **

**The mysterious boy (not so mysterious now)."**

You finished reading the letter with a feeling of nostalgia, but it wasn't a bad feeling, it was the opposite. This letter was very similar than the letters that changed your life, but there was something different: Now you weren't afraid to admit that you were crazy for each other. Darren was right; this was the best way to celebrate your five years together. Why were tears falling down your face? You knew the answer: you were being really happy; everything seemed the same than the first letter he sent you, but it wasn't the same because it was even better.

You stood up to look for the 'Surprise number 1'. You knew exactly where it was hidden: Darren's wardrobe. It was a complete mess, his wardrobe was overflowing and unorganized, and all his clothes were tossed onto the shelves in a haphazard way. So there you started looking and you found the little blue box. You quickly opened it to find a pot of Nutella. You laughed out loud when you saw it. How in earth could Darren remember that you loved Nutella? It was a simple gift, but it had significance for you. Nutella was one of the first presents he gave you. You opened the pot of Nutella to eat a bit while you walked straight to your nightstand to find that certain book that Darren talked about. Of course he was talking about the book that belonged to him since he was a kid and then he gave it to you as one of his first surprises, since when he and you started to complete it with your own stuff. You never stopped completing it and you were glad, because that book was one of the first things that brought you together. But you didn't read it in your house; as Darren said, you went to the Barnsdall Art Park Recreation Center to read it. Most definitely it was a wonderful summer day so the park was crowded. You looked for some place where you could read the book in peace; not far from you were you found a tree where you sat back against the tree trunk. You opened the book and you saw all the pictures and quotes you've written. It was wonderful to see all of that and remember each moment you spent with Darren; but you didn't find anything different until you reached the last page of the book. There was something new that Darren had written.

**"Boo, today is our fifth year together. If you're reading this is because I'm away and I couldn't be there with you; not because I didn't want but because I couldn't. It doesn't mean that I forgot this day, it doesn't mean that I won't make a toast for all the precious and sometimes not so precious moments we spent together, which where the most valuable moments for me. Look, this book shows with pictures what with words cannot be expressed. This is what we are, two human beings who fell in love with all the perfections and imperfections, who never gave up despite the differences and fights; because the two of us knew that we had something more important to fight for: this singular feeling when we look into each other's eyes knowing that there couldn't be a most amazing moment; that singular feeling when I'm in your arms, when I see your smile, when I smell your hair, when I hear your voice, when I touch your soft skin. That singular feeling of keeping you in the bottom of my heart. I want to make a toast for all those little things that made possible this big happiness I feel. **

**This Surprise number 2 has no purpose but to see and remember everything we've lived for five years through these photographs. At the end, answer yourself this question: Was it worth the entire struggle for our love to last? Are you happy now for what we are? I've already got the answer and I'm gonna tell it once we get to see again in person. **

**Take your time, you have all day long. Once you do it, I want you to go to the Art Gallery there, is the place where you're gonna find the Surprise number 3. **

**I love you, boo. You have no idea how much. **

**I'm sending all my loving to you, Darren."**

You smiled brightly when you finished reading it and you wondered why Darren was always this lovely and cute guy, how he could love you the way he did to do all the things he's done for you. You read the entire book again, paying attention to every single picture. You knew your answer.

_**"Everything has been worthy, even the bad things, because it got me to you. Everything has been worthy because what we are and what we have now is one of those most wonderful things in life. With you I found out that life is beautiful. I was happy to be with you, but it's nothing compared to how happy I am now. And I know this is gonna last, we're always gonna find the way to do so. I love you, Darren, and I'll always do."**_ You answered his question in a whisper, looking at the last picture you took together in an ordinary day in your house when Darren and you were playing the piano, laughing harmlessly as two children.

After a few minutes just looking at that picture with a joyful smirk, you stood up and went to the Art Gallery where the Surprise number 3 was. When you got there you were looking for some quirky person to give you something or for a note, but instead you got shocked.

_**"Oh my dear God."**_ You exclaimed gaping and stunned, looking around you.

There were a lot of people looking at the art exhibition. In the Municipal Art Gallery, all your paintings were exhibited; each one of them. The paintings you gave to Darren and April through letters, the paintings you painted with Sami, the paintings you never finished, the paintings you ever painted but you never gave to anyone. You started walking slowly looking at all of those paintings. You couldn't believe Darren has done something like that. Your paintings were something private and something you did in your free time, those weren't good; those shouldn't be in an art exhibition. But you couldn't deny the fact that you were very thrilled to see it all and because of the nice gesture Darren had. You walked until you arrived to the end of the exhibition. There was one big picture; it wasn't a painting, it was a picture you recognized. It was a picture you've forgotten, a picture that now was framed. Tears started falling down your face when you remembered Darren's words when you showed him the chest where you had all your memories of your childhood.

_**"Do you mind if I keep it?"**_ Darren has asked you when he saw the picture you had with your dad when you were a little girl.

_**"Why would you want to keep it?" **_You've asked curious and frowning.

_**"I don't know. I just want to keep it, I like this picture and I'm gonna be able to look at your little you. You were so fucking cute, not that you aren't now... But look at your adorable rosy and chubby cheeks! And your freckles! It's totally adorable. Can I pinch your cheeks? I'm tempted now."**_ Darren has said looking at you mischievously.

_**"What?"**_ You've looked at him frowning and amused. _**"You're so out of your mind...Why the hell would you want..." **_You haven't finished saying it because Darren has started pinching your cheeks. "_**What the hell, Darren?"**_

_**"Sorry, I needed to do it."**_ Darren has laughed along with you. _**"Then I took it as a yes, I can keep the picture."**_

You remembered that conversation. You never could understand why Darren wanted to keep that picture and you've forgotten he had it. But now you knew why he wanted it. Could it be that Darren had it planned since that time? You got closer to the framed picture while tears were still falling down your face, tears of joy of course. Darren knew the meaning that this picture had for you; he knew it so he has done this. This was one of the most lovingly gestures he'd ever had with you. He hasn't even had the chance to meet your dad, but he knew he was important to you so this was important to him as well. You not always find a gesture from someone like this. When you got closer, you saw a coffee table under the framed picture, with a note on it. You looked around to see if near you was a security man because you weren't supposed to touch the things on the art exhibition. There you found one and you were going to walk to him, but he looked at you with a smile and he nodded, winking at you as if he was giving you the permission to do so. You smiled at him before grabbing the note to read it. Of course it was from Darren.

**"So I hope you liked this Surprise number 3. Surely you wanted to kill me when you saw all your paintings there, but those were good and I thought it could be amazing to see all your paintings in a same place, sharing those with other people. I'd never forget the first time I saw your painting, when you sent me it in one of your letters. I was so amazed and I remember I thought: 'Whoa! This mysterious girl is damn talented!' I wasn't wrong and I'm sure people that now are seeing your paintings are as amazed as I was. **

**And the mystery of why I wanted to keep your picture with your dad has been revealed! Yeah, I wanted to do it long time ago but for some reason I never did. I guess I was waiting for the right moment and the right place. That picture is very beautiful and I know it's very important to you, so as important as it is for you, I wanted to do something important with it. Now this picture is in the Art Gallery but then it's gonna be on the wall of our living room, just as important as it deserves to be. **

**I'm gonna tell you a secret. The first time I saw that picture I saw a little girl with his father, just an ordinary picture. When I was alone at home, I looked that picture every night and then I found out it wasn't an ordinary picture as I thought it was. There was some kind of magic in that picture; I looked very deeply into the eyes of that little girl and I found out that she was full of happiness and hopes, full of love to give and receive, there was a magical twinkle in her eyes. That little girl was very different from the girl you were when I met you, a girl who didn't have happiness and hopes in her eyes, a girl who was willing to give love but who barely received love. There was a twinkle in her eyes but I had to look very deeply into your eyes to find it, I knew there were hopes for you but you couldn't see it. That was what I saw into your eyes the first time we met in person, that day in Central Park. When you gave me this picture, you weren't that sad girl anymore but still you couldn't be like that little girl. There was something else that was avoiding you to be like that little girl again and I was feeling very frustrated because I couldn't tell which was the reason. Then it happened: One day I got to see those eyes, full of happiness, hopes and love; I got to see that little girl with a woman's body. I got to see who you really are in your fullest. From that moment I knew there was where I belonged, with that little girl who was a woman. Only with you. That moment was our last night in Rome, when you gave me all your love and you received all my love. Since that moment that little girl returned to never go away again. Now look at that picture and look into the eyes of that little girl, that's how you look now, that's what I see every day when I wake up next to you, into the eyes of that little girl you'll find out the reasons why you drive me crazy and you'll find out the reason why I'd never let you go. **

**But I think there's still one thing that needs to be done, a thing that would make you feel complete and it has nothing to do with me. It's only about that little girl and her father. Go to the airport and take the first flight today to San Francisco, where everything started. I've already paid for the plane ticket, you only have to go there and go for the Surprise number 4. The surprise number 4 it isn't something you can touch, it's something you can feel. It's time for you to come back to San Francisco and do that thing you were avoiding to do all these years. Go to the cemetery and find your dad, he's been waiting for your visit for so long, I'm sure. Don't be scared, don't think about it, just go and do it. I promise you won't feel bad, but if it ever comes to happen, remember that he is the person who made you be the person who you are now, he would be happy to see you again and I'm sure you also would be happy to see him again; you won't see him physically, but you'll see him in your soul. It's time, boo. Do it. **

**See you soon. With love, **

**Darren."**

You were trembling at the moment you finished reading his note. You didn't want to go there; you weren't ready to see your dad's grave because you knew you were going to feel sad because he wasn't here anymore. Yes, you were scared as Darren thought you'd be, but you couldn't avoid that feeling. But, on the other hand, maybe Darren was right. Maybe you should just go there without thinking about it and just do it, maybe it was going to be a good thing. You didn't know what to do, you just remained stood there, unable to move. The security man walked to you and you looked at him; he smiled at you and gave you a note before leaving.

**"GO!"**

That was only what the note said and it was Darren's handwriting. It was as if Darren knew every single thing you were doing or as if he knew exactly how you were feeling. Were you so predictable or he really knew you so well? In any case, his note worked. You just left the Art Gallery to go to the airport just like you were in that moment. You haven't even come back to your house to pack a suitcase, you just left. In a few hours you were already in San Francisco, precisely in the cemetery. You were scared and your body was trembling but anyway you walked to where your dad's grave was. You found it. It seemed as if no one had gone there in years. You kneeled in front of his grave and there you left a flower while inevitably you started shedding tears. Finally you were there, only you and your dad. You didn't know what to say, you didn't know what to do. You only remained looking at his grave and you actually didn't have a sad feeling, instead you started remembering all the good moments you spent with him when he was alive; remembering it as the best moments in your life. This was the best way you found to tell your dad who was resting in peace how much you loved him and how thankful you were to have shared those moments with him. You didn't know how much you needed to do this. Now you really could leave him rest in peace and that was what it felt good. You were in silence sitting on the grass and looking at his grave with a fond smile on your face until suddenly you felt how someone sat behind you wrapping the arms around your waist. You startled and turned around to see Darren looking at your dad's grave as well, in silence with a smile.

_**"What are you doing here? I thought you were in UK."**_ That was the first you could say because of your surprise.

_**"Well, I decided to overtake the plane flight."**_ Darren answered with a smile looking into your eyes now to then rest his chin on your shoulder and look at your dad's grave again. _**"Do you remember our chain letters? Once I asked you what you'd do if you only had one last week of life. You answered me a lot of things. One of them was to see your mother again to tell her all you had to go through in your life and to forgive her; well, we've done it, haven't we? You also told me you wanted to perform a show in a public place; we have done it also. Remember? When you met Sami in her birthday and I dressed you up as a clown, we performed together. Also when we went to that eccentric and exotic bar, when you met your brother again; we performed on a stage, singing together. And Broadway, oh Broadway! Also you told me you'd say to all those who you appreciate how much you love them; you showed them your love every day, didn't you? You also wanted to go to the beach, one of your favorite places to see the sunset there; we've gone to the beach. Oh, and how would I forget you also said you'd like to go to Rome? We had an amazing time there. But you also told me one last thing we never did, something that was hanging. You told me you wanted to visit your dad's grave. Here we are."**_ Darren said still looking at your dad's grave with a smile while you were looking at him.

_**"What do you mean? That finally I'm ready to die?"**_ You joked but inside you were feeling very touched at realizing Darren made it all possible. All your dreams have come true and you never noticed it until that moment.

_**"Kind of."**_ Darren joked still looking at your dad's grave now with an amused smile. _**"But we can stop calling it death to call it an ending of a stage to start a new beginning, a new stage."**_ Darren said and he finally looked into your eyes while you looked at him frowning and confused. There was a particular brightness in his eyes. _**"You've got all you wanted and it could mean it could be the end our relationship as a couple to start a new one as a married couple." **_

_**"What?"**_ You asked with choked and trembling voice and with watery eyes. Not because you were scared, but because it was something unexpected and it made you feel very thrilled.

_**"Now, in front of your dad, I want to tell you that I know we're gonna last. Do you know why I know it? Because I still wake up every morning and the first thing I want to do is to see your face. I want to tell you in front of your dad that there's nothing I'd love the most than marrying you, this is my answer to the question I asked you."**_ Darren said looking deeply into your eyes and holding your hands while you started trembling. Was Darren proposing you in front of your dad? _**"I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they're not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home. Boo, will you marry me?"**_ Darren asked looking into your eyes, pulling off a ring he had in his pocket.

Now you were shedding tears of joy while you couldn't stop trembling, looking at the ring and then into Darren's eyes. This wasn't how you dreamed of, how someone would propose you. You've always dreamed to be proposed on an elegant dinner, in an important event. But this was much better than what you've dreamed of. Darren, the man of your life, proposed you in front of your dad's grave. An important place to you, where the two men you loved the most were together. Definitely Darren knew you and he always wanted the best for you, he showed you the real feeling to be loved. You didn't hesitate a second to respond.

_**"I will." **_

There you were, Darren, your dad and you as the proof that real love does exist, maybe not in the way we imagined or dreamed of all our lives, but yes as how it was perfect to us in that moment and time.

* * *

_SIX YEARS AGO…_

* * *

Beasts achy, urge to pee every 10 minutes, twinges of morning sickness, vomiting, extreme exhaustion, cramps, chocolate cravings, drastic transition of mood. This is how you've been feeling the last week. You blamed the last Friday night when Darren took you to a sushi restaurant and he forced you to eat sushi for the first time. You told him you didn't like it and that you were going to feel sick, but he said you were overreacting. In fact, you weren't overreacting. That sushi was like a kick for your stomach and you couldn't recover since that day. One of your coworkers took you home on Monday when you started to feel really bad in work and you got a sick leave for a week. But the week was ending and you weren't feeling any better. Darren felt really guilty because of this so he was being sweeter than ever; bringing breakfast in bed, calling you every hour during all day long, bringing you flowers when he returned from work, spending the nights watching a movie with Sami on the couch, making sure of ordering healthy food since you weren't feeling good to cook, tucking you up every night, and a lot of sweet gestures.

That Friday morning, Darren went to work early and he took Sami to school, so you were alone in home. You slept almost all the morning because you were really tired even though the last days you've been sleeping a lot. You slept until you felt really queasy and you ran to the bathroom to throw up. This wasn't normal. How the heck can you feel like you're hung over all day long when you've had nothing to drink in three weeks? And there you woke up to the fact that you've missed your period. Could you be...? No, it was impossible. No, you used a condom every time you had sex, you were very careful. Except that night in Chris's birthday party, four weeks ago. Oh damn. But it couldn't be possible, it was the only time you didn't use a condom, you couldn't be so unlucky. All the symptoms had sense, but no. You were feeling like that because of the sushi, it should be the explanation of your sickness. Now you were freaking out and you needed to verify whether you were pregnant was the reason why you felt this way. Quickly you went to the nearest store to buy a home pregnancy test. You went to the bathroom and there was when you got extremely nervous. What if the test was positive? What if you were actually pregnant? What would you do? Oh God, you weren't ready to be someone else's mother, it was very surreal. But you needed to know. You haven't peed in the morning yet, so you were able to take the pregnancy test in that moment. You held the pregnancy test in your urine stream and you waited two minutes to read the result. Before reading the result you took a deep breath, trying to calm down because you knew that reading the result could change completely your life. Two lines: You were pregnant. In shock and trembling, you looked yourself in the mirror. Seven years ago, in another place, in other circumstances, with another kind of life; you were also in the bathroom looking yourself in the mirror, also shedding tears. But seven years ago those were tears of sadness and now those were tears of joy. Seven years ago you were alone, with no job, no family, no friends, and no hopes, full of sadness and depressed; and now you had a family, now you were married, you had a job, a lot of friends and you were full of hopes and lively. Seven years ago you were holding a razor instead a pregnancy test. Seven years ago you never thought you could have something good in your life, and now you were going to be someone else's mother.

_**"Oh my god. I'm gonna be a mom."**_ Your voice echoed through the silent bathroom while you were looking at your belly, caressing it. _**"How am I gonna tell this to Darren and Sami? What if Darren doesn't want to be dad yet? What if Sami doesn't want to have a little brother or sister? Oh god."**_

You spent the rest of the morning thinking how to say this to Darren, because he was going to be the first one to arrive home since Sami was going to spend the afternoon in her best friend's house.

By the time that Darren arrived home, you already have got everything ready. You were lying on the couch watching a movie when Darren entered in the room and walked to you with a box of chocolates. You pretended to be sleeping, so Darren kneeled and he caressed your cheek softly until you opened your eyes lazily.

_**"Hi boo."**_ Darren said sweetly still caressing your cheeks and he smiled before leaning to kiss your lips. _**"Are you feeling better?"**_

_**"Yeah, I'm better."**_ You smiled fondly at him, still lying on the couch.

_**"Those are good news."**_ Darren smiled brightly and he rested his chin on the couch. _**"I brought you chocolates. I know you won't want it because you're still feeling sick, but Lea told me that chocolates can be good when you're feeling sick. I don't know, she talked about a weird effect on your body or something. So, at least eat one and let's find out if it works."**_ Darren said giving you a chocolate and you laughed while you grabbed it.

"_**Yes, actually I'm really hungry. I feel as if I had to eat for two."**_ You said mysteriously and amused but Darren didn't get your hint. _**"Don't be surprised if in a few months I get super chubby."**_

_**"Yeah, I noticed that lately you're eating as if you had to feed another body. Maybe it's your clone who decided to live inside you." **_Darren laughed, still clueless of what you tried to say. _**"Anyway, I think you'd look totally adorable if you're chubby. You've lost much weight the last years and that's not good."**_

_**"Oh, don't worry. Soon I'm gonna be very chubby for you."**_ You winked at him and Darren frowned amused and confused.

_**"Hope so."**_ Darren smiled clueless and then he stood up. _**"Be right back, I'm gonna bring my scores so I can work on those. Lately I've been very lazy."**_

_**"Wait!"**_ You stopped him and Darren turned around to look at you frowning. _**"It's not necessary. I've already brought your scores here, are in the coffee table, right next to your guitar."**_

_**"Hey, it's true. Am I too predictable that you've done this?" **_Darren asked surprised and frowning, but smirking.

_**"No, actually I was planning to force you to sing and compose new songs in front of me. I miss hearing your voice singing and you playing the guitar."**_ You said raising an eyebrow amused and smiling sweetly. Darren stared at you for a while with a bright smile on his face.

_**"You're too cute for your own good, you know?"**_ Darren said smiling and frowning before leaning to kiss your lips again. _**"No doubts why I fall in love with you more and more every day. Hold on, I have the perfect song for you."**_ Darren said walking to where his scores were.

Darren grabbed his scores, but when he did it he realized that the pregnancy test was hidden under his scores. He put aside his scores and he grabbed the pregnancy test frowning, you noticed how his body started trembling. He didn't look at you; he remained staring the pregnancy test in shock for a long time. You were really freaking out, not knowing how Darren would react for this new happening. You were very expectant to know if the fact of you being pregnant were good or bad news for him. Finally Darren looked at you gaping, with eyes wide open and raising his eyebrows; he seemed bewildered but there was a twinkle in his eyes that you couldn't tell if it was because of happiness or the opposite.

_**"What is this?"**_ Darren asked with trembling voice still looking at you bewildered.

_**"Uhm..."**_ You babbled nervous not knowing how to tell him the news. _**"Let's say is the result of what we did in Chris's birthday party." **_You said nervously and Darren seemed to be trying to remember what you were talking about and you could notice when he remembered because of his face.

_**"Are...are you pregnant?"**_ Darren asked with eyes wide open and his voice sounded strident in the silent room.

_**"Yes."**_ You whispered now looking down and then you gulped because it seemed that Darren didn't like the news. He didn't utter a word, so you looked up at him again. He was in shock looking at the pregnancy test. _**"I'm sorry...I never thought..."**_

_**"Does this mean I'm gonna be a dad?"**_ Darren interrupted you and then he looked into your eyes. He had watery eyes and a faintly bright smile.

_**"Yes."**_ You answered with teary eyes now because it was really weird and moving to hear Darren calling himself dad. Darren walked to you and he sat on the couch next to you, putting aside the pregnancy test to place his hands on your cheeks and rest his forehead against yours.

_**"We're gonna be parents!"**_ Darren exclaimed with choked voice, now shedding tears of joy.

He seemed to be very thrilled and light-hearted. There was brightness in his eyes you've never seen, there was a radiant smile in his face you've never seen. He seemed whole-souled happy. You smiled brightly at him and you also started shedding tears of joy. You and Darren were going to have a baby. It seemed surreal but it was happening. Darren kissed your lips very deeply while he was still smiling and then he started laughing with joy and so did you. Then Darren did something you weren't expecting, something really odd but that felt really good. He leaned to lift your shirt and then he placed his hands on your tummy, caressing it and looking at it very fondly; then he leaned to kiss it very smoothly and sweetly.

_**"Hey little kid, I'm your daddy and this beautiful woman is your mommy."**_ Darren whispered talking to your belly still caressing it smoothly. You looked at him and you couldn't avoid shedding more tears of joy. _**"You're our first baby, the living proof of how your mommy and I have shared our love. This is crazy, little kid; this unexplainable love, to love something you cannot yet see, feel, hear, or hold. Wow!"**_ Darren exclaimed smiling brightly and wiping away a tear to then place his hands again on your belly. _**"Little baby, I always dreamed of this day to come. Yeah, I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon but now that I know that you're gonna come down to this world I can honestly say that I'm the happiest man in this world and I'm sure so is your mommy. I don't know if we're gonna be the best parents, but I can assure that our love will never fail you. I hope you know you've changed our lives for good, that you lighten up our lives, my little baby. I promise to be a good daddy for you and I'm sure that your mommy is gonna be the best mommy in the universe, you just wait to see her and you'll know what I'm talking about. We'll be meeting soon my darling baby."**_ Darren said with choked voice and still shedding tears of joy before leaning to kiss your belly.

There you've found out a new side of Darren, a paternal side. For an instant, you've seen Darren as if he was your father talking to you when you were a little girl. You knew that Darren was going to be a good dad, the best one. You knew it because you saw it in his eyes and you heard it in his voice, because you felt all his loving while he was talking to your unborn baby. And now you were ready to be a mom. Together you were going to be good parents for your unborn baby. This was your most valuable, treasured and precious moment in your life. You never had a family and now you had your own one, and it was the perfect family in its own way. Sincerely you could tell this was how it felt to have a family and no one could bring you down.

* * *

_PRESENT…_

* * *

_**"Boo?"**_ Darren asked and you looked at him. _**"You seem to be deep in thought. I asked you something and then you started thinking about something. Is everything okay?"**_

_**"Yes, everything is more than fine, Dar."**_ You answered caressing his cheek and smiling fondly at that guy you loved so much. _**"Sorry, what have you asked me?"**_

_**"If you have ever imagined having a lovely family like we have."**_ Darren said looking into your eyes and kissing the hand which with you were caressing his cheek. Yes, that was the question that Darren asked you and then you started thinking about all that happened years ago.

_**"Honestly, no." **_You answered and Darren looked at you frowning and confused. _**"I never imagined having this family because I thought that nobody could have something more perfect and nobody could be this happy. This is even better than I've ever imagined."**_

_**"That's the perfect answer, you know?"**_ Darren said smiled brightly and caressing your hair._** "Are you happy, like truly happy?"**_

_**"Well, sometimes you drive me so mad that I want to kill you all like a crazy psychopath. But then I realize that my life would be over if ever I get to miss any of you in my life. It wouldn't be complete, because you all are my home, with our perfections and imperfections. So yeah, I'm truly happy and I owe it to you all."**_ You smiled before kissing Darren, who was smiling sweetly and looking into your eyes.

_**"Boo, there's something I never told you."**_ Darren said after few minutes you were silent and you looked at him frowning and curious.

_**"What is it?"**_

_**"Hold on, wait a minute. I need to show you it."**_ Darren said and the he got up to walk to his wardrobe and from there he pulled out the box in which he kept all the letters you sent him thirteen years ago. He came back to bed and he started pulling out all your letters until he grabbed one in particular. _**"Here it is. Uhm, this is a letter that I wrote to you but I never dared to give it to you. I don't know why, years went by and I never gave it to you."**_

_**"When did you write it?"**_ You asked curious while you were grabbing it.

_**"When we went to Dockweiler Beach and I told you the love affair I had with Mia. When you left me because you thought I needed time to think about what I really wanted. I had the intention to send it to you as soon as I finished writing it, but I never did because I was a coward."**_ Darren said laughing softly and shaking his head.

_**"Oh gosh, Darren. That was a long time ago!"**_ You said with widely eyes, smiling a bit amused and a bit curious. _**"Why are you bringing this up now?"**_

_**"Because I really want you to read it. Is one of the letters of our chain letters that made possible what we have now, so you deserve to read all of them."**_ Darren said looking at you. _**"Come on, read it!"**_

_**"Okay."**_ You giggled and you put on your glasses to start reading the letter that you've never read, the missing letter of your chain letters.

**"So you just left me and I'm here writing this letter to say all the things that I couldn't say in person. After all, by letters is how this all started, isn't it? I'm writing this letter to tell you why I couldn't say anything at all when you told me I needed time to clear up my mind and find out what is that I really want. The truth is that I don't need that time, I don't need to clear up my mind because I know what I want because I had it in my arms yesterday: You. I knew it since the first time I held you in my arms; yeah since we met in person. But I never told you it because it was ridiculous to have fallen in love with you so fast. I wanted to tell you it before you left, but I couldn't say anything because honestly I think that sometimes it's easier to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again. Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so I don't let them get too close. Sometimes I'm scared. But when I act numb towards you, it doesn't mean I don't care. It means I care too much. Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything. So this is why I'm telling you all of this through this letter. **

**You know, I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there's no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that's what makes us who we are and those are real memories. I make the choice to keep you, to protect you; because you are the one who make me be who I am, and because only with you I have those real memories and I want to have more real memories with you. You are this one perfect person for me and the world fades away when I'm with you. That's magical, what we have.**

**I made mistakes because I'm a human being but I regret them, all of them. But the mistake I've done that I regret the most is to have made you think that I'm not sure to be with you. It's the opposite. I want to be with you, but I'm scared and I cannot avoid it. I've been hurt when I was with Mia and I don't want it to happen again. But, once you left, I realized that you cannot change your past, but you can let it go and start your future. So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard, we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me, every day. **

**Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me. I don't need time, I need you, and I need you because I love you because you are you and I can't explain you why it is like that, but after all love doesn't have a logical explanation; you only feel it, simple and complicated as that.**

**Be sure that I'm gonna come back for you. You know why? Because since the very first time that I looked into your eyes I knew that you're meant to me and I'm meant to you. So, even if it takes my whole life to get your forgiveness, I'm gonna do it; but, just so you know, I won't give up on you, on what we've started through letters to get to be what we are now and what we can get to be. **

**I love you, and that's the truth.**

**Forever yours, your mysterious guy."**

You finished reading the letter with eyes wide open and surprised for his deep words and feelings he had for you since that time. You looked up to see Darren looking at you with a warm smile.

_**"Why haven't you showed me this letter before? This could have changed a lot of crap things we had to live. This letter is beautiful, Dar."**_ You said looking at him and Darren giggled softly.

_**"I don't regret to not having sent you it."**_ Darren said shrugging and you looked at him raising an eyebrow. _**"At the end, we are who we are now because all of those crap things we had to go through, because of the way we could overcome those even when everything seemed lost. Those crap things you said were the ones which made our relationship grow stronger. We cannot change the fact that life is a summation of crap and awesome moments and memories and you know it more than anyone. Look how far you've come after going through those crap and awesome moments. It's outstanding, you're outstanding and I'm overwhelmed by your mere presence. Yep, I'm a lucky guy." **_Darren said with a huge smile and you hugged him tightly.

_**"Give me our book, I want to add something."**_ You said and Darren raised his eyebrows amused before standing up to bring your book and a pen.

_**"I'm like super curious now. Can I spy what you're gonna do with it?"**_ Darren giggled amused and you looked at him mysteriously.

_**"No at all. You'll have to wait."**_ You said pretending to be mysterious.

You grabbed the book and the pen to write something that you should've written long time ago.

**"Once upon a time, there was a girl who was lost in this rough world. The girl made a lot of mistakes in her life; the worst mistake was to attempt to take away her own life. She made the decision of cutting herself for release of pent up emotional stress, to express negative emotions, to exert an element of control when her life seemed out of control, to feel something other than emptiness, to punish herself because she felt worthless. She got scars in her skin, scars which were going to be there forever. Life was a chaos, it had no sense, and she couldn't fit anywhere. She only wanted to go away, to some place where she could be finally be happy and she thought she couldn't get it in this rough and dark world. She was decided to end with her pain and suffer until she got something unexpected, something out of her monotonous routine: A letter from a stranger. It was a kind of game. A game, she thought. She hasn't played a game since she was a little girl. The game was called 'Chain Letters'. It was about to show people they weren't alone in this life, that not everything was lost and that we always have time to improve everything. She had to tell her life story to three people. Funny how things are, with those chain letters, the girl met another girl who turned out to be one of her best friends in the future; and she also met a mysterious guy. What she never thought was that those chain letters were going to change her life; she never thought that the mysterious guy was going to save her life. She never thought that she was going to fall in love with this mysterious guy and even get married with him to then have a family, her very first and real family. She never thought that thanks to those chain letters her life was going to change roundly, getting to work of what she loved and always dreamed of, getting to have a lot of friends, getting to recover a brother's love that she thought lost, getting to have a place she could call home. She never thought she could get good moments because all her life she had to go through crap moments. She never thought that the rough and dark world could turn into a beautiful and bright world, full of happiness and love to give and receive. Over the years, the girl finally could realize that life ain't easy but is beautiful, even though when we're in our lowest point, when nothing seems to improve. But life wouldn't be wonderful if we don't have crap moments to later celebrate that we could overcome those crap moments thanks to our effort and our strength to never give up. Sometimes good things take a long time to come, sometimes not. Sometimes we don't realize all the good things we have, the biggest and smallest good things that come to happen throughout our lives; because we are focused in all the bad things that happen to us. It's like we walk on a road very focused to arrive to the end of the way and to see if there is that thing which can full our empty lives; and in our blindness to get to the end of the way as soon as we can, we lost in our way all the wonderful and small things that can truly improve our lives. When we're hurried to arrive to the end of the way is when we get tired because it never seems to have an ending, that's the time when we give up on everything, when we choose the wrong way that takes us to the end of our lives for own election. But when we stop in the way, we find the magic of life, the reason why people sometimes say life is wonderful. The girl was blinded and she only wanted to arrive to the end of the way, she was tired, she wanted to take the wrong way. But then the mysterious guy stopped her to uncover her eyes, to show her the right way, to make her see that she was letting pass by in her way all the things she always wanted to get. But the right way also has obstacles that must be overcome. But now something was different: she wasn't alone now. The mysterious guy stood by her all the time, they made their own right way together. Over the years, the girl asked herself something: What would have happened if she decided to take the wrong way? She'd have missed all the wonderful things that this world has for each one of us, she'd have never found the true happiness, she'd have never found out that life is actually beautiful and everything is worthy insofar that we decide not to give up despite obstacles. Everyone is worthy, everyone is beautiful, everyone has come down this world with a purpose; we only have to find out which that purpose is. Happiness is right there, we only have to uncover our eyes. In the girl's case, the mysterious guy uncovered her eyes, but it could happen in the most unexpected ways in the most unexpected moment. One thing is for sure: sooner or later we get to uncover our eyes. We never know what wonderful thing can happen in our empty lives, so we never should give up. It's the process of what we call life. **

**Who would say that a chain letters could save someone's life? The story tells that the girl found her home in the mysterious guy and she was having the time of her life next to him. The story tells that the mysterious guy was the most incredible and flawless guy that the girl could have ever dreamed of. That was real happiness: her life with Darren Criss."**

Darren finished reading with teary eyes what you've written with all your heart. He looked at you thrilled, telling you with his gaze how much he loved you. He was telling you that no matter what it comes to happen; you were together holding hands and walking on this way called life. But Darren hasn't only said it with his gaze; he also added something new on your life book.

**"I vow to walk on this way we call life next to you, I vow to overcome all the obstacles together, and I vow to give you all my loving until the end. I'll always hold your hand and write you a letter from my heart, love of my life."**


End file.
